Chapter Nineteen: Payback

Disclaimer: The characters and settings do not belong to me, only the plot shenanigans.

Chapter Nineteen: Payback

A knock on the door intruded into the comfortable silence of the Snapes's living quarters. Hermione looked up from her textbooks and sighed. "Will you get that, or shall I?"

Severus lazily waved his hand, and the door opened, allowing a breathless Ginny Weasley entrance.

"How did you..."

"You wonderful, wonderful man!" The redhead ran across the room and threw herself at the bemused Potions master, hugging him breathless.

"Well, I know that; my wife knows that, but when did you come to that conclusion?" he drawled.

Ginny paused in her hugging to take Severus by the shoulders and place two loud kisses on his cheeks. "You, my dear friend, are brilliant. Harry and I have..."

"Merlin, don't you dare tell me anything about Harry Potter's sex life. I've learned far too much about it this week already," Severus complained.

"Don't interrupt, Sev; it's not polite. As I was saying, Harry and I have talked. He told me all about Petunia and how anxious he feels about sex, and we've agreed to take it slowly. All thanks to you." Ginny's smile included Hermione in her gratitude.

"But I thought you wanted to actually..." Hermione trailed off as Ginny shook her head.

"That too, but I mostly wanted him to stop avoiding the damned subject and pretending nothing was happening. Now it's out in the open, I'm happy to let him take his time." She turned to the other witch and squealed. "But I finally got to see him naked!"

Hermione chuckled at her husband's shocked expression. "So, did his assets meet your expectations?"

"Oh, they exceeded them. In fact, I would say his assets were Outstanding. By this much!" Ginny held her hands apart to indicate just how outstanding her boyfriend was.

"No, no, no! I did not witness that!" Severus covered his eyes in mock horror and retreated from the room. As he left, he scowled at his wife and added, "Just remember, the only assets you need to consider, witch, are those you tasted this morning!"

Ginny stared at the closed door to the bedroom and her friend's bright red cheeks. "I can't believe he just said that," she spluttered.

"I can't believe we're talking about the size of Harry's bits. He's my best friend, Gin. I don't need to be imagining that part of him! Although, to be fair, I always did wonder who was bigger, Harry or Ron."

Ginny sniggered as she considered the question. "Well, I saw Ron naked last year when he made an emergency dash for his clothes after someone had stolen them while he was in the shower. I'd say they were pretty evenly matched. After all, Ron must have something to keep all those girls hanging around. It's hardly his table manners or gentlemanly behaviour."

"I never thought of it that way, Gin. Still, I think I have the pick of the bunch. Intelligence, elegance, diligence, and twenty years of celibacy to make up for. I'd better go and release him from the bedroom."

"Any more than two minutes and I'm sending in a search party. Blindfolded, of course."

"Ginny Weasley! As if I'd do anything like that with you just out here!" Hermione blushed anew.

"Didn't stop you when those Ravenclaws arrived for their class, did it?"

"Don't remind me. Severus is still getting snide remarks from Madam Hooch about that."

Hermione entered the bedroom to find her husband sprawled on the bed reading a book. He looked up and nodded towards the door she had just closed.

"Is it safe yet? Have you two finished discussing other men's genitalia?" His eyes widened as she crawled onto the bed and deliberately cupped him through his trousers.

"These are the only male assets I'm interested in." Two or three gentle caresses brought a self-satisfied smirk to her face as his body responded to her touch.

"Unless you want your friend to walk in on a very educational scene, I suggest you refrain from your current activity, my dear, much as I desire you to continue," he groaned as she set about unfastening his buttons.

"Just give me a minute. I'm busy." His half-swallowed gasp when she freed him from the tight trousers only served to encourage her bravado.

"You can't do that while Ginny is out there. Hermione... love... Oh, fuck, why not?" Severus slumped back onto the bed as his wife's expert touch brought him to a shattering climax with a few well-timed strokes. He lifted his head off the pillow briefly and studied the result of his inability to deny the smug witch beside him. "Dammit, woman, you ambushed me!"

Hermione grinned as she heard a tentative knock on the door. A quick flick of her wand and any trace of the preceding few minutes was Vanished while Severus hurriedly buttoned up.

"Do I need to organise that search party?" called Ginny from the sitting room. "I might see if Neville can help. He's good at looking for people."

"Coming!" answered Hermione, then giggled as she saw the expression on her wizard's face. "Well, you were a moment or two ago," she added in a whisper as she left the room.

Severus watched her leave, then took himself to the bathroom to find some much needed cold water to cool his flaming cheeks.

"What were you doing in there, Hermione?" Ginny asked suspiciously.

Her friend tried unsuccessfully to hide her blush. "Er... nothing... much, just reassuring Severus. He'll be out in a minute."

"Hermione! You're hopeless at lying. Your face gives you away every time." She turned as Severus entered the room, hair freshly combed, face damp, and trying to look innocent. "And you might want to buckle up your belt and fix those buttons you've misaligned. For someone who spends as much time as you do trying to catch people indulging in intimate activities, you're not very bloody good at hiding the evidence. Honestly, I think I need to inspect you before every meal to make sure you're both respectable!"

"Talking about meals, it's dinner time. We'd better send this harridan up to the Great Hall before her boyfriend sends out the cavalry." When all else failed, changing the subject usually worked. Severus steered Ginny towards the door, promising to follow in a few minutes.

"No more shenanigans, you two. You can wait until after dinner!" the redhead ordered as she left.

"Is it me, or is she getting bossier?" mused Severus.

"She's getting bossier, dear. You should see the way she manages those brothers of hers. You don't stand a chance now she sees you as a friend rather than the big, scary Potions professor."

"I was afraid you'd say that. However, I have an idea." The upturn of his mouth promised trouble for Ginny.

"What are you planning, Severus? I don't like that evil smile. Well, I do actually, but nevertheless..."

"You'll find out. I'll just say that little sister Ginny is about to find out just how much I can torment her." He chuckled and offered his arm to his wife. "Shall we?"

"Let's. I'm starving."

"And there I was thinking we could live on the food of love."

"The food of love is all very well, but it's pork chops on the menu tonight. I love pork chops."

Severus smiled. He didn't mind a good pork chop himself.

"I think I'll sit at the Gryffindor table tonight. Do you want to join us, love?" Hermione asked, knowing full well Severus would decline.

He met Neville Longbottom's anxious gaze and smirked. "No, thank you. I think it would be better for all our appetites if I joined my colleagues. I'll see you after dinner."

Severus could not resist bestowing a quick but passionate kiss on his wife's surprised lips before leaving her to face her friends. Ginny's smack on his behind when he passed only enhanced Neville's impression of his familiar as his eyes nearly popped from his head.

"'Mione! Do you have to do that at the dinner table? We're about to eat," Ron whined.

Neville regained the power of speech long enough to point at Ginny and stammer, "You... you... smacked Professor Snape. On his arse!"

"Well, he was being a prat. He deserved it," Ginny replied as she reached for a chop.

"I think Neville was trying to say, you don't go around smacking professors, Gin. It's usually not good for you. Or your house when he deducts untold points from Gryffindor," Ron explained with a shake of his head at his sister's folly.

"Oh, don't worry about Sev. He and I have an understanding."

"Don't look at me. Why he lets her call him that is beyond me," Hermione added.

"I think the world's gone crazy," Neville muttered, half to himself.

With that, more pork chops arrived on the serving platters, and the youngest Weasley's odd behaviour was temporarily forgotten.

Hermione glanced up at her black-clad husband as she ate to find his gaze concentrated on Ginny. Curious, she raised an eyebrow to receive a fleeting wink in return. He was up to something, and it did not take a master Arithmancer to figure out it involved his self-appointed behaviour monitor.

Ginny's sudden giggle had heads turning in her direction. Another giggle was accompanied by a shift in her seat.

"What's up, Gin?" Harry asked between mouthfuls of chop.

"Nothing... much." She moved suddenly again. "Dammit, Ron, if it's you..."

"Me? What'd I do?" Ron looked up from his plate.

"If it's not you, it's Harry." Ginny laughed out loud and nearly fell off the bench. "Come on, you lot, stop messing around!" She thrashed her legs about under the table and collapsed with her head on her arms, shaking with laughter.

Ron looked at Harry, bemused. "I have no idea what she's on about. Did someone put something in her pumpkin juice?"

Hermione watched Severus pick up his wine glass and drink while seemingly absorbed in his conversation with the Headmistress. However, the hand he kept under the table was no doubt occupied at another task. Turning to Ginny's boyfriend, she whispered, "He knows she's ticklish behind her knees, doesn't he, Harry?"

"He's doing it? How? Why?" he hissed.

"Payback. He's using a localised Tickling Charm. Bloody smartarse is casting it wordlessly while he talks to McGonagall, too. I must ask him to show me how to do that. You realise we could be stuck in the middle of a war here? They both seem to have reverted to childhood."

"I can see that. I know Ginny told me she was going to treat him as yet another older brother, but this is... oh, hell, I just realised something!" Harry groaned and let his head fall into his hands.

"What?"

"If Ginny considers Snape as a brother, I'll get him as my brother-in-law!"

Hermione grinned. "Don't let it get you down, Harry. At least it means I'll be your sister-in-law."

"You know, Hermione, I'm not sure I find that at all reassuring."

"It'll be okay. I promise," she told him, patting his shoulder.

"Make him stop! Make him stop!" Ginny had finally realised who was tormenting her. "Hermione, will you tell that bloody pillock to..."

"Finite Incantatem." Hermione flicked her wand to dispel the Tickling Charm and set up a low-level shield around her friend. "That should do it." She met Severus's mouthed, 'Spoilsport,' with a grin and a shrug of apology.

"Thanks. Don't know why I didn't think of that." Ginny sighed with relief as the relentless stimulus behind her knees subsided. "I think I can face dessert now. What is it?"

"Featherlight Spongecake," Neville replied around a mouthful.

"Great. Just what I needed. I think I'll pass." She turned to her friend. "He wins this time, but I'll get him back when he least expects it."

"Are you sure you want to do this, Gin. He's older, more devious, and knows far more spells than you," Hermione warned.

"True. But I'm a girl, and I've been a little sister for seventeen years..."

Ron waved his bun in his sister's direction. "It's true. She has a nasty streak, that one. And she can be very inventive. I'd tell your husband to keep his eyes open if I were you, 'Mione."

"I'll be sure to warn him," she replied. "Although, I might just leave them to it. Could be fun consoling him after Gin's finished with him." She flashed them both a wicked grin and helped herself to dessert.

A few hours later, Hermione regretted her second helping of Featherlight Spongecake as nausea threatened to interfere with her Arithmancy calculations. Several homework-unrelated calculations later, and the answer was clear.

"Oh, bloody hell!"

A/N: Thanks to karelia for her beta work. She's awesome!