Part 2 - Chapter 5 - Hermione, the Child
Chapter 10 of 15
livvy6The fateful night on the Astronomy Tower brings Severus Snape closer to madness than he has ever been before.
A/N: Thanks to MadBrilliant, my beta, and to all who continue to review.
***
He had waited and waited for the time to spring upon him. Finally, the day had arrived. Flitwick had burst into his office and told him Death Eaters had breached the castle. He had Stupefied the wizard—he would have no one die for him! He would carry it all. He had dashed out and had nearly collided with Hermione and the Lovegood girl. Shite! I cannot have Hermione near this.
“Professor Flitwick has collapsed. Go and stay with him and do not leave. Stay here. I shall go after the Death Eaters,” he had ordered.
To his immense relief the girls had complied. He had made his way up to the Astronomy Tower to face Albus for the final time.
In years to come, it would be at that precise moment upon the Tower that he would swear was when time had melded and his mind had been forever altered. Past and present had ceased to have meaning. All in one horrific moment, he had lived again the dreadful event of so many years ago.
Albus had been begging him to kill him. He hadn’t wanted to, and Draco had been so worthless, he had wished he could have killed him instead! He had cast the Killing Curse at Dumbledore, and his mind had reeled and snapped. He had lost his control over his sanity.
“AVADA KEDAVRA!” he screamed.
The green flash from his wand hit Albus square in the chest, and he saw the brandy-colored eyes of a girl long ago in his mind. Albus was blasted into the air and slowly descended down and out of sight. He watched Albus become Claudia, and then he was Albus again. Then Severus was the Dark Lord, and then he was his twenty-year-old self again.
“What have I become…?”
***
He had never been able to remember all the chaos that ensued past that point, save the exchange between he and Potter. He had been working purely on instinct. Mentally, he had shut down. Everything was rushing past him at breakneck speed. Aurors and Death Eaters had been fighting madly, but only one had been out for his blood. Potter. Potter had called him a coward. Snape had been already mad with raw grief, old and new grief so intensely interwoven, that he had been positive it was going to devour him.
This ignorant, ungrateful boy had dared to call him a coward?
His mind still could no longer distinguish between past and present time. The guilt and pain had washed over him, as did the rage of all the years he had endured to save this little prick’s life!
In front of him had been Potter, screaming at him, calling him a coward. Then Potter had become Claudia standing on Malfoy’s balcony, calling him a coward in front of the Dark Lord. He had been a coward, but not now. When he had been a boy, yes; but he had spent twenty years trying to atone in his purgatory. How dare he?
“DON’T CALL ME COWARD!” he had howled. He had not known to whom it had been he was saying it. Potter? Lily? Claudia?
It hadn’t been until he had been safely ensconced back at the Dark Lord’s lair that he finally collapsed and sank into sweet oblivion.
***
“Severus,” a raspy voice called out to him.
Snape adjusted his eyes to the dim light in the dark room. He was lying in a bed, and Lucius was sitting beside the bed with a candle in his hand.
“Hello, Lucius,” he muttered.
Lucius set the candle down on the table next to the bed. “How are things, my old friend?”
“Dumbledore is dead. I killed him.”
Lucius looked terrible. It had been a while since he had really been able to see him up close since his escape from Azkaban. His eyes were watery and tired. His hands shook now. He was haggard even in his nice expensive clothes. Azkaban had taken its toll.
“I-I don’t know what the Dark Lord will do with us now, Severus. It may be time for us to say goodbye, old friend.”
“Lucius, the Dark Lord is very pleased with me. I have done a service that has now proven my loyalty beyond a doubt. He surely will grant me a boon. If he does, I shall petition for your lives.”
Lucius hung his head and cried. This unnerved Snape. He had never seen Lucius so defeated before.
“Lucius, please! Control yourself!” he snapped. “This does not become you.”
Lucius chuckled. “I don’t know what becomes me anymore, Severus. I feel already dead. I am so weary. I just want this war to be over.”
The tone he was using made Snape very nervous. He was coming close to a line that dared not be crossed.
“Severus, Narcissa and I are so very grateful for what you have done for Draco. We are forever in your debt.”
“No, Lucius, You are not. I think we are even now. After all, you cleaned up a mess for me when I was a foolish young man. Now, I have repaid my debt.”
“Touché,” Lucius whispered.
He left Snape after that. Snape had no idea what the next days and years would now bring him. The summer was dragging on, and he still had another promise to keep for Dumbledore: that when he was dead, Severus would protect the school and to the best of his abilities and watch over the children. Although he was loath to carry even more duplicitous acts upon his already heavy-laden mind, he knew it was only the right thing to do. We don’t need any more Dracos! We’ve already lost Crabbe and Goyle, but we can’t lose any more like Draco! If he would even live for much longer, that was. He had no more allegiances to anyone in this physical realm. Just old promises he’d decided to keep to two women long dead. He would have to keep himself going for those promises, for Harry and Hermione.
***
Hermione. For the first time during that summer after he killed Albus, he allowed his mind to go where before he had never allowed. He recalled her fighting in her brilliance, casting hex after hex. Better than all of them. He recalled her lithe form, her strong form, and beautiful legs that went on to an even lovelier place he could only imagine knowing. Those brown eyes that were like a warm blanket burned into him. He imagined running his hands through her hair, pulling her under him, urging her legs to wrap around his waist. It had been so long! He closed his eyes and hastily unbuttoned his trousers and stroked his aching cock.
Hermione.
He let his desires run riot, imagining doing things to her and she to him that he knew would never be in reality. He imagined how she would moan if he could just taste one sweet, pink nipple. Oh, if only he could taste the nectar between her thighs! He pictured slowly sinking into her hot, tight quim. He gripped his shaft painfully, fantasizing it was her virgin warmth clenching around him. If only he could, he would do it right this time. He would treat her better than he had Claudia. He would kiss each tear away from breaking her barrier, he would tell her he loved her, and would thank her for giving him such a precious gift. He then would not move in her until her pain had subsided and she was begging him to thrust over and over into her. He imagined how his name would fall from her lips if she gave herself to him, if she would scream for him to fuck her harder and deeper as he pounded into her again and again. His climax left him with her name on his lips, completely exhausted and sated. He would sleep now, but his work still was not finished. He was no longer her professor, but he was still her protector. He would never have her. Yes, it is true, like the Muggle poet said, “I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I can sleep…”
***
A/N: This ends the story of Hermione, the Child
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Latest 25 Reviews for Hurt
123 Reviews | 5.11/10 Average
Not Lyssa, her mom. I enjoy and read a lot of fanfiction and liked reading your story very much. It was well written, and you had a good plot. It presented Severus in a very different light, and made him more human than most of the other stories. Congrats!
Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful piece! I was thoroughly immersed in it from start to finish - so much so that I read it in one sitting - it was worth the eye strain!
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
I'm so glad you enjoyed my fic! Thank you for reviewing :)Livvy
that was a really sweet story. i loved it.
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Thank you. It was a hard story to write, emotionally. I really was painful writing Claudia's death... but I'm glad you liked how I put it all together.Thanks for reviewing!Livvy
I am not quite sure how I missed this little treasure, but I am very glad I found it.I love your writing style, and your characterizations. You are quickly becoming one of my all time favorite fic writers!
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it.Livvy
First thanks for such a wonderful story of hope and redemption. This hasn't always been easy to read, the feelings involved were at times overwhelming. It is what it is and what had to be in order for Snape to have a happy future. I liked how you ended the story, "It was far from over. There would still be demons to fight and fears to confront, but she loved him and he loved her.
It was enough.
He could start again. He had found a way "
Perfect.
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Thanks! I'm you liked how I ended it. There are too many things to work on and deal with. One good shag just can't fix all of that.Thanks for reviewing!Livvy
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Thanks! I'm you liked how I ended it. There are too many things to work on and deal with. One good shag just can't fix all of that.Thanks for reviewing!Livvy
oh my goodness, I didn't see it coming. I totally understand her saying what she did but not in front of voldermort. Especially since I don't believe Severus truly "loves" Lily. Wants her beyond reason, yes. But to get Claudia killed, I can imagine the hell he's really going to feel when he meets Hermione. Looking forward to the rest of the story. Love your story.
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Thanks! I planned it to be a big shocker and for it also for foreshadow a similiar death Severus would be a part of in the future. Her death will haunt him.Claudia had kept silent for so long and gave so much it was the last straw. Being a pure-blood she didn't think she would get killed. But...Thanks for reviewing!Livvy
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Thanks! I planned it to be a big shocker and for it also for foreshadow a similiar death Severus would be a part of in the future. Her death will haunt him.Claudia had kept silent for so long and gave so much it was the last straw. Being a pure-blood she didn't think she would get killed. But...Thanks for reviewing!Livvy
livvy, you are a superb writer. your characters leap off the page and are so true. this was one of the most powerful stories i've read (one of the other most powerful stories was also one of yours). and you had me in tears. i agree lily was leading him on. thanks so much for sharing your time, talent and vision. you rule and reign!
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Aww! Thanks, girl! I'm glad you liked it!Thank you!Livvy
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Aww! Thanks, girl! I'm glad you liked it!Thank you!Livvy
The story and plot were GREAT! Soooo complex. I really liked how Lucius pushed him to talk to her. I'm so happy he could see Hermione, and not her just as a subsitute for the two girls. I really believe that they live on, happy. And I'm sure he has his setbacks, but she is there to support him, and he respects AND loves her to the core of his soul.SOOOOO good. Hugs~
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
I'm so glad you liked it! I really wanted to leave like that: open-ended. There was no way for everything to be fixed like that and I really wanted to let the reader decide how they thought things would end for them.Thanks for reading!Livvy
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
I'm so glad you liked it! I really wanted to leave like that: open-ended. There was no way for everything to be fixed like that and I really wanted to let the reader decide how they thought things would end for them.Thanks for reading!Livvy
ooooo loved that part! how he thought of her will wanking! LOVED IT! He is finally growing up and knowing what love is i hope.
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
He still has a lot ahead of him, but he will start figuring it all out. Unfortunately, he is still highly mentally unstable from killing Dumbledore. It reminded him too much of how Claudia died.I know-I love the thought of Severus masturbating, I don't know, probably because he seeme to be a person who denies himself so much and never lets his guard down in public. SO the thought of him in private losing himself in very naughty thoughts is very ...Yum! LOL!Thanks,Livvy
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
He still has a lot ahead of him, but he will start figuring it all out. Unfortunately, he is still highly mentally unstable from killing Dumbledore. It reminded him too much of how Claudia died.I know-I love the thought of Severus masturbating, I don't know, probably because he seeme to be a person who denies himself so much and never lets his guard down in public. SO the thought of him in private losing himself in very naughty thoughts is very ...Yum! LOL!Thanks,Livvy
oh sev. what are you to do?
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Yeah, he's really screwed. And it's going to get much worse.Thanks,Livvy
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Yeah, he's really screwed. And it's going to get much worse.Thanks,Livvy
ah ha! so i was right, she IS a mix of lily and claudia. AND lucius even sees it!!!! I love the line... "stop fighting with the mudblood." bwhahahahahah
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
I know, Lucius can be really fun to write if he's not playing the role of a sadist. I have him in a more likeable role. He will continue to talk with Severus about the whole Claudia/Lily/Hermione trifecta! LOL!Thanks,Livvy
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
I know, Lucius can be really fun to write if he's not playing the role of a sadist. I have him in a more likeable role. He will continue to talk with Severus about the whole Claudia/Lily/Hermione trifecta! LOL!Thanks,Livvy
wow. WOW. Oh, you really have done an excellent job with this chapter. THe similarites between claudia and lily and hermione... hermione is like going to be a mix of claudia and lily, right? Oh, I am with him... I'd go barking mad. So, now I am feeling a BIT sorry for Sev. Just a bit...
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Yes, Hermione is going to continue reaminding him of the two womwn he lost and it is going to fuck with his mind like crazy! Thanks,Livvy
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Yes, Hermione is going to continue reaminding him of the two womwn he lost and it is going to fuck with his mind like crazy! Thanks,Livvy
So, he is having lots of thoughts of claudia. maybe he did love her and just didn't realize?
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
More like he is realizing all the things he took for granted. He probably relaizes he could have fallen in love with Claudia if he had given her a chance and had not had his obsession with Lily holding him back. It's all just really sad and Severus is the loser in all this-as it should be because he was so heartless and cruel towards Claudia.THanks,Livvy
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
More like he is realizing all the things he took for granted. He probably relaizes he could have fallen in love with Claudia if he had given her a chance and had not had his obsession with Lily holding him back. It's all just really sad and Severus is the loser in all this-as it should be because he was so heartless and cruel towards Claudia.THanks,Livvy
i really like how you are intertwining claudia and lily and canon stuff here. It is so logical about the mess he made because of the killing of claudia and her family.
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Thanks, I really wanted to make a plausible reason for him to seek out Dumbledore that would fit Claudia into it.Thanks,Livvy
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Thanks, I really wanted to make a plausible reason for him to seek out Dumbledore that would fit Claudia into it.Thanks,Livvy
oh my god. i fucking hate severus right now. poor claudia. i can't even describe how i am feeling for her. i really hope sev changes.
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
I know, Claudia didn't deserve what life handed her, although she at least got to speak her mind and call them all for what they were. And Severus will suffer. He will be racked with major guilt!Thanks,Livvy
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
I know, Claudia didn't deserve what life handed her, although she at least got to speak her mind and call them all for what they were. And Severus will suffer. He will be racked with major guilt!Thanks,Livvy
Oh, I would be sooooo angry if I were claudia. I would HATE to marry someone who didnt love me in return. I hope she stands up for herself.
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
She will and it will be explosive. Unfortunately she won't do it for a long while, she'll still put up with a lot of crap.Thanks,Livvy
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
She will and it will be explosive. Unfortunately she won't do it for a long while, she'll still put up with a lot of crap.Thanks,Livvy
Oooo, looky what I found! It caught my attention because I LOVE the song Hurt. From this story to the one that I am helping you on... wow. I can totally tell how much you have grown in your writing. You should be proud of yourself!Miss Claudia sounds A LOT like Hermione... wonder where you will go wtih this. And ps. love love the pictures on the chapters. brilliant
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
AWW, sucks! Thanks, I'm glad you like the pics. I hope you continue to like it.Livvy
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
AWW, sucks! Thanks, I'm glad you like the pics. I hope you continue to like it.Livvy
oh, i am sure it will really haunt him when hermione comes into the picture. oh my oh my.
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
It will. He will suffer a great deal.Thanks,Livvy
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
It will. He will suffer a great deal.Thanks,Livvy
Fantastic story! I was searching around for a really good story and I'm so glad I stumbled upon this one. Excellent job!
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
I am so glad you liked it! Thanks for reviewing.Livvy
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
I am so glad you liked it! Thanks for reviewing.Livvy
Hi. I've just read your story and I thought I'd wait 'til the end to leave a review. You'll have to bear with me as I don't usually leave a review when I read. Here goes.It took a bit of time to get into the story at the beginning, but despite my initial reservation about the characterization I found myself drawn into the plot. I liked the way you portatryed Lucius and Voldemort and I found the archaic structure of Death Eater society signing the women off to be the property of the men was convincing.I wasn't too sure about the overtly sexual way Claudia was referred to especially when she was underage. I understand why you did it, but I personally didn't like it.Over and over again Claudia didn't want to be dictated to by the wizarding society and then during the second part of the novel, she's pining for his love and miserable because he's crushing on Lily Evans? This bit confused me a bit. I might have to reread it and see whether this becomes a bit clearer. I just couldn't buy that she would be in love with him after he'd been a grumpy git for most of the first part of the story.The death scene was quite disturbing. Good stuff!Now for the second part of the story : Hermione as a child. While I liked the way you portrayed Severus as a man on the edge, I was a bit squicked about the later parts when he started to get all obsessed with her and desire her. Again I think it's that 'underage + teacher' thing that I didn't like. It put me off to the point that I nearly didn't finish the story , but I stuck with it and I'm glad I did.The last part of the story was so- so for me. I liked the sense that Severus was spiralling out of control and lashing out at Hermione and Lucius was trying to be his friend. In fact, one of the best things about your storywas that you attempted to humanise Lucius to an certain extent and show him as a friend. I had a bit of a problem with the scene where he is overcome by his emotions and pratically tries to rape her after the party and then suddenly she is in love with him and the only woman who can help him heal the wounds of his heart. Umm... not to be facetious here , but he forced her into sex! There's no way the start of that scene was consensual. I found it very hard to believe that she would turn round and accept his sexual advances after that. let alone enjoy it.Right on the whole I decided to give you a 3.5 rating because the bits that you did well were extremely good. There were other bits that I didn't like , but I don't know whether that was down to personal preference or a flaw in the story.Please don't be offended by anyting I said: As I hope I've made it clear I did eventually enjoy the story and I'd like to read anything else you've got. Just no underage sex or rape, please!
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
I am glad you left a review, it is always good to get feedback, even if the impression was different than what I intended. I can understand how disturbing it would be reading about the sexualization of Claudia so early on. I wanted there to be that tension of the pure-blood society and their misuse of people. I cannot believe Death Eaters would only be cruel to Muggles and be perfect husbands and fathers at home. I can see room for some compartmentalization, but there would have to be something off, so I chose the dehumanizing of women.Severus' relationship with Claudia was rife with extremes. They fought and he was at times creul and distant, but then there were times they would talk and talk and the sex was very good, especially when she gave herself fully to him.In regards to Hermione, my intention was not to have him "desire" her, just that she would trigger the guilt and shame he felt about Claudia since they looked so much alike. The interest I meant to portray was to be of a respect for her talent and abilities as a witch and Snape's trying to deal with the pain of his past. I do not like underage teacher/student lustings, although I am not against the teacher/student scenario. At the end of Hermione, the child, Hermione was already 17 when he was fantisizing about her. But I can see your point. It can be a fine line. Perhaps, I didn't make my writing clear enough to get the message across properly.I am so sorry the confrontation Hermione had with Severus at the end came across as forced sex, coersion, or rape. That was not my intention. I wanted to portray an emotionally mature Hermione able to withstand the emotional chaos going on with Snape. Certainly, she could not be the woman to cure his ills, that was why I left the story like I did. Severus was going to have to find a way. He was going to have to let things go and move on because he wanted to do it. Hermione just listened as he talked about his past.The sex was untamed and wild. I am so sorry it came across as being forced upon Hermione. I can only say, I probably did not write it well enough to get my intention across. However, I'm glad you found parts you liked and I'm glad you enjoyed the more "human" Lucius. I think we just don't see a lot of that!My fics are mostly darker in nature. It's the kind of writer I am, although the one I'm posting now, "Bookends" has more humor to it and there is no student/teacher coersive relationship between the two of them (SS/HG).There probably won't be many stories of mine you would like, I do deal with a lot of abuse and violence. "Full of Grace" is one that has nothing of sexual abuse in it. "I'll Be There" may interest you as well. That is all consensual.Again, I want to thank you for letting me know your opinions on the fic. I'm sure it wasn't you, I'm still learning how to write and get the feelings I want to convey on paper in an understandable way to the reader.Thanks!Livvy
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
I am glad you left a review, it is always good to get feedback, even if the impression was different than what I intended. I can understand how disturbing it would be reading about the sexualization of Claudia so early on. I wanted there to be that tension of the pure-blood society and their misuse of people. I cannot believe Death Eaters would only be cruel to Muggles and be perfect husbands and fathers at home. I can see room for some compartmentalization, but there would have to be something off, so I chose the dehumanizing of women.Severus' relationship with Claudia was rife with extremes. They fought and he was at times creul and distant, but then there were times they would talk and talk and the sex was very good, especially when she gave herself fully to him.In regards to Hermione, my intention was not to have him "desire" her, just that she would trigger the guilt and shame he felt about Claudia since they looked so much alike. The interest I meant to portray was to be of a respect for her talent and abilities as a witch and Snape's trying to deal with the pain of his past. I do not like underage teacher/student lustings, although I am not against the teacher/student scenario. At the end of Hermione, the child, Hermione was already 17 when he was fantisizing about her. But I can see your point. It can be a fine line. Perhaps, I didn't make my writing clear enough to get the message across properly.I am so sorry the confrontation Hermione had with Severus at the end came across as forced sex, coersion, or rape. That was not my intention. I wanted to portray an emotionally mature Hermione able to withstand the emotional chaos going on with Snape. Certainly, she could not be the woman to cure his ills, that was why I left the story like I did. Severus was going to have to find a way. He was going to have to let things go and move on because he wanted to do it. Hermione just listened as he talked about his past.The sex was untamed and wild. I am so sorry it came across as being forced upon Hermione. I can only say, I probably did not write it well enough to get my intention across. However, I'm glad you found parts you liked and I'm glad you enjoyed the more "human" Lucius. I think we just don't see a lot of that!My fics are mostly darker in nature. It's the kind of writer I am, although the one I'm posting now, "Bookends" has more humor to it and there is no student/teacher coersive relationship between the two of them (SS/HG).There probably won't be many stories of mine you would like, I do deal with a lot of abuse and violence. "Full of Grace" is one that has nothing of sexual abuse in it. "I'll Be There" may interest you as well. That is all consensual.Again, I want to thank you for letting me know your opinions on the fic. I'm sure it wasn't you, I'm still learning how to write and get the feelings I want to convey on paper in an understandable way to the reader.Thanks!Livvy
Livvy, I really enjoyed this ride, with all the emotions of a rollercoaster ( and I LOVE rollercoasters) Very well done and wonderfully wound together. Thank you.
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Thank you so much!Livvy
I really dont know how to discribe your story. It was beautiful, tragic and uplifting all at the same time. a job well done
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Thank you! Yes, it really ran the extreme of emotions, didn't it? I hope you left it feeling hopeful for Severus and Hermione. I think they'll be just fine.Livvy
Nice finish, and you are right, the promise of a new start
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Thank you very much!Livvy
I enjoyed your exploration of Snape's psyche. A very sweet story of healing!
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Thank you very much!Livvy
I'm so very glad Severus has hope laid on his path, though Hermione'd rather have a tough hide. Overall, I think I prefered the part with Claudia (a very strange occurrence for the HGSS shipper that I am), but I grew attached to her and watched with (a sick) fascination the tale of her love to Severus lead her to death. I also appreciated your view about Claudia's and Lily's personalities and how they blend into Hermione. Well done!
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Thank you very much! I knew this couldn't be a "quick fix" it'll take a long time to undue all the damage Snape has done. But, there is hope and that was the premise of the story, for Severus to find a way to live again with himself. I'm confident he'll be very happy with Hermione.Livvy