Part 2 - Chapter 3 - Hermione, the child
Chapter 8 of 15
livvy6A visit from Lucius Malfoy spurs a decisions that will change the course of Snape's life.
A/N: Thanks again to my beta, MadBrilliant. Hope you all enjoy this chapter! Please read and review!
1995
Lucius Malfoy knocked on Snape’s office door.
“Enter!” he bellowed.
“Severus! I see you are as genial as ever,” he said with a mocking smile.
“I thought you were a damn student,” he snarled. “What do you want, Lucius? I am quite busy.”
Lucius looked around the horrid room and shivered with distaste. “How the mighty have fallen! Just how long are you going to spend your days rotting away in this godforsaken place?”
Snape sighed, but did not turn around to face his friend.
“You and I both know the Dark Lord wants me here. It is my post.”
“More like your ‘purgatory.’ Is that not what the Muggles call it? A place of torment where you spend time for your sins?”
Snape whirled around. “Don’t you think I deserve it? Or don’t you recall anymore the sight of a beautiful young woman flying off your balcony, dead from the Dark Lord’s Curse?” he spat angrily.
“Oh yes,” he said softly as he stood up. “I can recall every detail.” His whisper grew vicious as he walked closer to Snape. “I can recall in even more vivid detail how two of our friends, one still with us while the other rots in Azkaban, and I cleaned up after your little mess. Tell me, Severus, when you dream, is it Claudia or Lily you envision?”
“What do you want?” Snape said icily.
“I have some interesting news, my old friend. The Dark Lord is returning. He will be in a human body once more. You had best get all your affairs in order and prepare yourself for his return.”
Severus just stood frozen in place, his face set in indifference. His outward expression betrayed nothing, but inside he was screaming and cowering.
Lucius made to leave and then stopped to turn around, smiling viciously.
“Oh, yes, Draco has regaled me with the most interesting stories of late. There is a certain ‘bushy-haired know-it-all’ that seems to excel in every class—it is most annoying to him with her being a Mudblood and all. He said she has untamable hair, brown eyes, and exhibits an over-winning sense of justice of what is right and fair. Actually, I think I might have seen her once before in Diagon Alley,” he mused.
He tapped his chin with his forefinger.
“Reminiscent of someone else, is it not for you, Severus?”
Snape stood silently.
“Am I going to have to clean up another mess, Severus?”
Snape closed his eyes and clenched his jaw.
“Lucius, that was many years ago, and I do not sleep with my students!” he snarled.
“Of course not! I apologize. But I’m sure you can appreciate my concerns? You seem to have a soft spot for her type—actually the last part, the part of the sense of justice, only manifested itself moments before her untimely demise. On the other hand, fiery, a strong sense of right and wrong… I’m reminded of another young woman who was also a Mudblood. It’s as if this student of yours is an amalgamation of the two women you helped destroy. But of course, I’m sure this is nothing new to you.”
Snape sat down in his chair. He refused to be baited. “Don’t be concerned, Lucius. You know better than anyone that I do not wish to have any entanglements in my life.”
“How long has it been since you’ve had a woman, Severus?” he asked with a sincere touch of concern. After all, he truly did care for Snape.
“Not since Claudia,” he replied hesitantly.
Lucius sighed. “Severus, go get yourself laid. Stop fighting with the Mudblood in class.”
Snape looked up into Lucius’ eyes with anger.
“Oh, don’t get indignant with me! My son tells me everything that goes on here. First, commenting on the girl’s teeth? How sophomoric! Then there is this latest display; reading that Skeeter woman’s infernal article about that Krum boy and the Mudblood—so childish, Severus! My son may not yet understand the subtlety behind your particular brand of petty jealousy, but I know you, my friend. Stop it now, otherwise when the Dark Lord returns, he may not be so forgiving.”
With that he left Snape alone in his office to think over what was said.
***
Snape slumped in his chair and let his mind wander.
Fascinating though your social life undoubtedly is, Miss Granger… I must ask you not to discuss it in my class.
Ah! Reading magazines under the table as well?
He recalled the events Lucius spoke of. He had been so angry, although he could not for the life of him understand why a ridiculous love triangle of Potter, Hermione and Krum should bother him. He had known enough from having to endure Karkaroff’s incessant trailing of him with that idiot Seeker Krum by his side that Hermione wasn’t interested in him sexually. Krum was more infatuated with her, but he was too much of a dunderhead for Hermione to be interested in him romantically!
He had not altogether ruled out Potter, though. After all, if he were like his father, it would not be beneath him to steal her heart. He remembered ordering the Dream Team to break up, and he got Potter as close to him as he could get in order to taunt him.
You’re nothing but a nasty little boy…
Whatever had possessed him to say that? Sure, he was angry about the missing ingredients from his storeroom and was not altogether sure he did not have a hand in getting his name in the Goblet of Fire, but where had that comment come from?
Then there had been the day Draco had hexed Hermione months prior to the article nonsense! He had been so cruel he made her cry and run off. She had never broken down in front of him. But he couldn’t stand it. She was growing up so fast. She was already fifteen, the age when he and Claudia became engaged. Sometimes when she spoke in class, shivers went down his spine. If he ever believed in reincarnation, this would be his reason to believe. She threatened his sanity and pulled at his guilt.
I see no difference.
He had spoken with such detachment as if he were far away from himself. Oh, how true it was! The lines were blurring, and there were days he swore Claudia was sitting there in his class. He was going mad.
***
Severus! Severus! I—love—you!
Save your breath! I can’t pretend anymore, you’ve chosen your way and I’ve chosen mine!
Why can’t you just give me some show of remorse, of emotion that you are hurt or that you feel just the tiniest bit of shame? Can’t you do that for me?
COWARD!
Snape jolted up in his bed. He was sweating profusely and crying. What was he going to do? Why couldn’t he shake them? No, he wanted to keep Lily, but why couldn’t he shake Claudia? Perhaps Lucius was right. After all, Claudia was the only woman he had ever been with. He fell back on his bed. He could still remember how good she felt, how her hair flowed down her shoulders in wild waves and curls as she straddled him. She was so beautiful; she was to be his wife and mother to his children. She had loved him, had given everything to him, and he had crushed that love under his heel. She was so young! So innocent! No, he wouldn’t make the same mistake again. So began the improbable task of keeping two young people alive in the name of the women he had destroyed: one he had loved and the other who had loved him.
***
Portions from J.K. Rowling's "Goblet of Fire" are included in this chapter as well as one sentence from "Deathly Hallows". Thanks to Ms. Rowling for sharing with us her wonderful world!
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Latest 25 Reviews for Hurt
123 Reviews | 5.11/10 Average
Not Lyssa, her mom. I enjoy and read a lot of fanfiction and liked reading your story very much. It was well written, and you had a good plot. It presented Severus in a very different light, and made him more human than most of the other stories. Congrats!
Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful piece! I was thoroughly immersed in it from start to finish - so much so that I read it in one sitting - it was worth the eye strain!
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
I'm so glad you enjoyed my fic! Thank you for reviewing :)Livvy
that was a really sweet story. i loved it.
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Thank you. It was a hard story to write, emotionally. I really was painful writing Claudia's death... but I'm glad you liked how I put it all together.Thanks for reviewing!Livvy
I am not quite sure how I missed this little treasure, but I am very glad I found it.I love your writing style, and your characterizations. You are quickly becoming one of my all time favorite fic writers!
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it.Livvy
First thanks for such a wonderful story of hope and redemption. This hasn't always been easy to read, the feelings involved were at times overwhelming. It is what it is and what had to be in order for Snape to have a happy future. I liked how you ended the story, "It was far from over. There would still be demons to fight and fears to confront, but she loved him and he loved her.
It was enough.
He could start again. He had found a way "
Perfect.
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Thanks! I'm you liked how I ended it. There are too many things to work on and deal with. One good shag just can't fix all of that.Thanks for reviewing!Livvy
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Thanks! I'm you liked how I ended it. There are too many things to work on and deal with. One good shag just can't fix all of that.Thanks for reviewing!Livvy
oh my goodness, I didn't see it coming. I totally understand her saying what she did but not in front of voldermort. Especially since I don't believe Severus truly "loves" Lily. Wants her beyond reason, yes. But to get Claudia killed, I can imagine the hell he's really going to feel when he meets Hermione. Looking forward to the rest of the story. Love your story.
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Thanks! I planned it to be a big shocker and for it also for foreshadow a similiar death Severus would be a part of in the future. Her death will haunt him.Claudia had kept silent for so long and gave so much it was the last straw. Being a pure-blood she didn't think she would get killed. But...Thanks for reviewing!Livvy
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Thanks! I planned it to be a big shocker and for it also for foreshadow a similiar death Severus would be a part of in the future. Her death will haunt him.Claudia had kept silent for so long and gave so much it was the last straw. Being a pure-blood she didn't think she would get killed. But...Thanks for reviewing!Livvy
livvy, you are a superb writer. your characters leap off the page and are so true. this was one of the most powerful stories i've read (one of the other most powerful stories was also one of yours). and you had me in tears. i agree lily was leading him on. thanks so much for sharing your time, talent and vision. you rule and reign!
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Aww! Thanks, girl! I'm glad you liked it!Thank you!Livvy
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Aww! Thanks, girl! I'm glad you liked it!Thank you!Livvy
The story and plot were GREAT! Soooo complex. I really liked how Lucius pushed him to talk to her. I'm so happy he could see Hermione, and not her just as a subsitute for the two girls. I really believe that they live on, happy. And I'm sure he has his setbacks, but she is there to support him, and he respects AND loves her to the core of his soul.SOOOOO good. Hugs~
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
I'm so glad you liked it! I really wanted to leave like that: open-ended. There was no way for everything to be fixed like that and I really wanted to let the reader decide how they thought things would end for them.Thanks for reading!Livvy
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
I'm so glad you liked it! I really wanted to leave like that: open-ended. There was no way for everything to be fixed like that and I really wanted to let the reader decide how they thought things would end for them.Thanks for reading!Livvy
ooooo loved that part! how he thought of her will wanking! LOVED IT! He is finally growing up and knowing what love is i hope.
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
He still has a lot ahead of him, but he will start figuring it all out. Unfortunately, he is still highly mentally unstable from killing Dumbledore. It reminded him too much of how Claudia died.I know-I love the thought of Severus masturbating, I don't know, probably because he seeme to be a person who denies himself so much and never lets his guard down in public. SO the thought of him in private losing himself in very naughty thoughts is very ...Yum! LOL!Thanks,Livvy
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
He still has a lot ahead of him, but he will start figuring it all out. Unfortunately, he is still highly mentally unstable from killing Dumbledore. It reminded him too much of how Claudia died.I know-I love the thought of Severus masturbating, I don't know, probably because he seeme to be a person who denies himself so much and never lets his guard down in public. SO the thought of him in private losing himself in very naughty thoughts is very ...Yum! LOL!Thanks,Livvy
oh sev. what are you to do?
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Yeah, he's really screwed. And it's going to get much worse.Thanks,Livvy
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Yeah, he's really screwed. And it's going to get much worse.Thanks,Livvy
ah ha! so i was right, she IS a mix of lily and claudia. AND lucius even sees it!!!! I love the line... "stop fighting with the mudblood." bwhahahahahah
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
I know, Lucius can be really fun to write if he's not playing the role of a sadist. I have him in a more likeable role. He will continue to talk with Severus about the whole Claudia/Lily/Hermione trifecta! LOL!Thanks,Livvy
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
I know, Lucius can be really fun to write if he's not playing the role of a sadist. I have him in a more likeable role. He will continue to talk with Severus about the whole Claudia/Lily/Hermione trifecta! LOL!Thanks,Livvy
wow. WOW. Oh, you really have done an excellent job with this chapter. THe similarites between claudia and lily and hermione... hermione is like going to be a mix of claudia and lily, right? Oh, I am with him... I'd go barking mad. So, now I am feeling a BIT sorry for Sev. Just a bit...
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Yes, Hermione is going to continue reaminding him of the two womwn he lost and it is going to fuck with his mind like crazy! Thanks,Livvy
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Yes, Hermione is going to continue reaminding him of the two womwn he lost and it is going to fuck with his mind like crazy! Thanks,Livvy
So, he is having lots of thoughts of claudia. maybe he did love her and just didn't realize?
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
More like he is realizing all the things he took for granted. He probably relaizes he could have fallen in love with Claudia if he had given her a chance and had not had his obsession with Lily holding him back. It's all just really sad and Severus is the loser in all this-as it should be because he was so heartless and cruel towards Claudia.THanks,Livvy
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
More like he is realizing all the things he took for granted. He probably relaizes he could have fallen in love with Claudia if he had given her a chance and had not had his obsession with Lily holding him back. It's all just really sad and Severus is the loser in all this-as it should be because he was so heartless and cruel towards Claudia.THanks,Livvy
i really like how you are intertwining claudia and lily and canon stuff here. It is so logical about the mess he made because of the killing of claudia and her family.
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Thanks, I really wanted to make a plausible reason for him to seek out Dumbledore that would fit Claudia into it.Thanks,Livvy
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Thanks, I really wanted to make a plausible reason for him to seek out Dumbledore that would fit Claudia into it.Thanks,Livvy
oh my god. i fucking hate severus right now. poor claudia. i can't even describe how i am feeling for her. i really hope sev changes.
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
I know, Claudia didn't deserve what life handed her, although she at least got to speak her mind and call them all for what they were. And Severus will suffer. He will be racked with major guilt!Thanks,Livvy
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
I know, Claudia didn't deserve what life handed her, although she at least got to speak her mind and call them all for what they were. And Severus will suffer. He will be racked with major guilt!Thanks,Livvy
Oh, I would be sooooo angry if I were claudia. I would HATE to marry someone who didnt love me in return. I hope she stands up for herself.
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
She will and it will be explosive. Unfortunately she won't do it for a long while, she'll still put up with a lot of crap.Thanks,Livvy
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
She will and it will be explosive. Unfortunately she won't do it for a long while, she'll still put up with a lot of crap.Thanks,Livvy
Oooo, looky what I found! It caught my attention because I LOVE the song Hurt. From this story to the one that I am helping you on... wow. I can totally tell how much you have grown in your writing. You should be proud of yourself!Miss Claudia sounds A LOT like Hermione... wonder where you will go wtih this. And ps. love love the pictures on the chapters. brilliant
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
AWW, sucks! Thanks, I'm glad you like the pics. I hope you continue to like it.Livvy
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
AWW, sucks! Thanks, I'm glad you like the pics. I hope you continue to like it.Livvy
oh, i am sure it will really haunt him when hermione comes into the picture. oh my oh my.
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
It will. He will suffer a great deal.Thanks,Livvy
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
It will. He will suffer a great deal.Thanks,Livvy
Fantastic story! I was searching around for a really good story and I'm so glad I stumbled upon this one. Excellent job!
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
I am so glad you liked it! Thanks for reviewing.Livvy
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
I am so glad you liked it! Thanks for reviewing.Livvy
Hi. I've just read your story and I thought I'd wait 'til the end to leave a review. You'll have to bear with me as I don't usually leave a review when I read. Here goes.It took a bit of time to get into the story at the beginning, but despite my initial reservation about the characterization I found myself drawn into the plot. I liked the way you portatryed Lucius and Voldemort and I found the archaic structure of Death Eater society signing the women off to be the property of the men was convincing.I wasn't too sure about the overtly sexual way Claudia was referred to especially when she was underage. I understand why you did it, but I personally didn't like it.Over and over again Claudia didn't want to be dictated to by the wizarding society and then during the second part of the novel, she's pining for his love and miserable because he's crushing on Lily Evans? This bit confused me a bit. I might have to reread it and see whether this becomes a bit clearer. I just couldn't buy that she would be in love with him after he'd been a grumpy git for most of the first part of the story.The death scene was quite disturbing. Good stuff!Now for the second part of the story : Hermione as a child. While I liked the way you portrayed Severus as a man on the edge, I was a bit squicked about the later parts when he started to get all obsessed with her and desire her. Again I think it's that 'underage + teacher' thing that I didn't like. It put me off to the point that I nearly didn't finish the story , but I stuck with it and I'm glad I did.The last part of the story was so- so for me. I liked the sense that Severus was spiralling out of control and lashing out at Hermione and Lucius was trying to be his friend. In fact, one of the best things about your storywas that you attempted to humanise Lucius to an certain extent and show him as a friend. I had a bit of a problem with the scene where he is overcome by his emotions and pratically tries to rape her after the party and then suddenly she is in love with him and the only woman who can help him heal the wounds of his heart. Umm... not to be facetious here , but he forced her into sex! There's no way the start of that scene was consensual. I found it very hard to believe that she would turn round and accept his sexual advances after that. let alone enjoy it.Right on the whole I decided to give you a 3.5 rating because the bits that you did well were extremely good. There were other bits that I didn't like , but I don't know whether that was down to personal preference or a flaw in the story.Please don't be offended by anyting I said: As I hope I've made it clear I did eventually enjoy the story and I'd like to read anything else you've got. Just no underage sex or rape, please!
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
I am glad you left a review, it is always good to get feedback, even if the impression was different than what I intended. I can understand how disturbing it would be reading about the sexualization of Claudia so early on. I wanted there to be that tension of the pure-blood society and their misuse of people. I cannot believe Death Eaters would only be cruel to Muggles and be perfect husbands and fathers at home. I can see room for some compartmentalization, but there would have to be something off, so I chose the dehumanizing of women.Severus' relationship with Claudia was rife with extremes. They fought and he was at times creul and distant, but then there were times they would talk and talk and the sex was very good, especially when she gave herself fully to him.In regards to Hermione, my intention was not to have him "desire" her, just that she would trigger the guilt and shame he felt about Claudia since they looked so much alike. The interest I meant to portray was to be of a respect for her talent and abilities as a witch and Snape's trying to deal with the pain of his past. I do not like underage teacher/student lustings, although I am not against the teacher/student scenario. At the end of Hermione, the child, Hermione was already 17 when he was fantisizing about her. But I can see your point. It can be a fine line. Perhaps, I didn't make my writing clear enough to get the message across properly.I am so sorry the confrontation Hermione had with Severus at the end came across as forced sex, coersion, or rape. That was not my intention. I wanted to portray an emotionally mature Hermione able to withstand the emotional chaos going on with Snape. Certainly, she could not be the woman to cure his ills, that was why I left the story like I did. Severus was going to have to find a way. He was going to have to let things go and move on because he wanted to do it. Hermione just listened as he talked about his past.The sex was untamed and wild. I am so sorry it came across as being forced upon Hermione. I can only say, I probably did not write it well enough to get my intention across. However, I'm glad you found parts you liked and I'm glad you enjoyed the more "human" Lucius. I think we just don't see a lot of that!My fics are mostly darker in nature. It's the kind of writer I am, although the one I'm posting now, "Bookends" has more humor to it and there is no student/teacher coersive relationship between the two of them (SS/HG).There probably won't be many stories of mine you would like, I do deal with a lot of abuse and violence. "Full of Grace" is one that has nothing of sexual abuse in it. "I'll Be There" may interest you as well. That is all consensual.Again, I want to thank you for letting me know your opinions on the fic. I'm sure it wasn't you, I'm still learning how to write and get the feelings I want to convey on paper in an understandable way to the reader.Thanks!Livvy
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
I am glad you left a review, it is always good to get feedback, even if the impression was different than what I intended. I can understand how disturbing it would be reading about the sexualization of Claudia so early on. I wanted there to be that tension of the pure-blood society and their misuse of people. I cannot believe Death Eaters would only be cruel to Muggles and be perfect husbands and fathers at home. I can see room for some compartmentalization, but there would have to be something off, so I chose the dehumanizing of women.Severus' relationship with Claudia was rife with extremes. They fought and he was at times creul and distant, but then there were times they would talk and talk and the sex was very good, especially when she gave herself fully to him.In regards to Hermione, my intention was not to have him "desire" her, just that she would trigger the guilt and shame he felt about Claudia since they looked so much alike. The interest I meant to portray was to be of a respect for her talent and abilities as a witch and Snape's trying to deal with the pain of his past. I do not like underage teacher/student lustings, although I am not against the teacher/student scenario. At the end of Hermione, the child, Hermione was already 17 when he was fantisizing about her. But I can see your point. It can be a fine line. Perhaps, I didn't make my writing clear enough to get the message across properly.I am so sorry the confrontation Hermione had with Severus at the end came across as forced sex, coersion, or rape. That was not my intention. I wanted to portray an emotionally mature Hermione able to withstand the emotional chaos going on with Snape. Certainly, she could not be the woman to cure his ills, that was why I left the story like I did. Severus was going to have to find a way. He was going to have to let things go and move on because he wanted to do it. Hermione just listened as he talked about his past.The sex was untamed and wild. I am so sorry it came across as being forced upon Hermione. I can only say, I probably did not write it well enough to get my intention across. However, I'm glad you found parts you liked and I'm glad you enjoyed the more "human" Lucius. I think we just don't see a lot of that!My fics are mostly darker in nature. It's the kind of writer I am, although the one I'm posting now, "Bookends" has more humor to it and there is no student/teacher coersive relationship between the two of them (SS/HG).There probably won't be many stories of mine you would like, I do deal with a lot of abuse and violence. "Full of Grace" is one that has nothing of sexual abuse in it. "I'll Be There" may interest you as well. That is all consensual.Again, I want to thank you for letting me know your opinions on the fic. I'm sure it wasn't you, I'm still learning how to write and get the feelings I want to convey on paper in an understandable way to the reader.Thanks!Livvy
Livvy, I really enjoyed this ride, with all the emotions of a rollercoaster ( and I LOVE rollercoasters) Very well done and wonderfully wound together. Thank you.
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Thank you so much!Livvy
I really dont know how to discribe your story. It was beautiful, tragic and uplifting all at the same time. a job well done
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Thank you! Yes, it really ran the extreme of emotions, didn't it? I hope you left it feeling hopeful for Severus and Hermione. I think they'll be just fine.Livvy
Nice finish, and you are right, the promise of a new start
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Thank you very much!Livvy
I enjoyed your exploration of Snape's psyche. A very sweet story of healing!
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Thank you very much!Livvy
I'm so very glad Severus has hope laid on his path, though Hermione'd rather have a tough hide. Overall, I think I prefered the part with Claudia (a very strange occurrence for the HGSS shipper that I am), but I grew attached to her and watched with (a sick) fascination the tale of her love to Severus lead her to death. I also appreciated your view about Claudia's and Lily's personalities and how they blend into Hermione. Well done!
Response from livvy6 (Author of Hurt)
Thank you very much! I knew this couldn't be a "quick fix" it'll take a long time to undue all the damage Snape has done. But, there is hope and that was the premise of the story, for Severus to find a way to live again with himself. I'm confident he'll be very happy with Hermione.Livvy