Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen

Tuesday morning, Samuel picked up his files and settled into the armchair in the den.

"What are you working on?" John asked him.

"Tox screen results for the Hollywood children. This can't be right... Shit!" He grabbed the phone and dialed Los Angeles. After ten minutes on the phone with the pediatrician, he was close to shouting. "No, two weeks, not one. Sixteen days. Whatever the pathway, it's still going on. Do you hear me? It's happening on your end!" He ended the call with a violent oath.

Amanda slipped down the hall and away from the tension before Samuel ended the call; John stared at him expectantly.

"What? There's nothing I can do at this point. I'm just the head shrinker. What would I know about decay rates of toxins?" He spat venomously. Shut up, Samuel. John is squarely on your side.

"Samuel, I don't think it's meant to be personal. You might want to calm down."

"You don't understand–"

John gave a feral growl. "I understand perfectly; you still don't deal well with failure."

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4 November 1981

The floor was hard and his head throbbing. Severus couldn't be arsed to move. Classes were canceled for the entire week; he still had a few days to choose his future.

Some choice. Life as a Muggle, or life in Dumbledore's pocket. Certainly no one else would hire him, and all his ties to the Muggle world were hopelessly out of date. Maybe he could forge the necessary documents, slip himself into a small town... Maybe not. Too much to learn; too easy to slip up. Severus rolled his forehead onto the stone floor, savoring the soothing cold.

Bang. Bang. Bang.

Who would possibly be banging on his door? Everyone should be out reveling. Everyone else had something to celebrate. For Severus there was nothing to enjoy but the bitter taste of defeat. He'd failed; Lily was dead, and everyone Remus had once called a friend was either dead or a traitor. The man would surely hate him for being the one who had carried the words to the Dark Lord and set these events in motion.

Still the masses rejoiced with firewhiskey and fireworks, lauding an infant, while a prat, a doormat, and a good woman lay dead.

Bang. Bang. Bang.

Go away. I have no interest in revelry, remembrance, or redemption. Everything worth living for is gone.

Bang. Bang. Bang.

And then he heard Remus, shouting over the wards. "Severus, get your arse off the floor and open the door. You've been drunk for four days. It's time to come up for air."

Remus. Repentance, restitution... rebirth...

"Severus, if you wish to continue to believe that I can't breach your wards, I suggest you open the door."

Damn wolf. Severus staggered to the door and felt the sizzle of magic as he threw it open. "I'm right here. No need to dig your way in."

"Merlin, Severus, It smells like a brewery in here. And you look like hell. Should I find myself a cellar this month?"

"Shit!" Severus stumbled into his workroom and stared at the simmering potion. It was starting to turn yellow. Not ruined, but not ideal either. "I can still save it, Remus. You'll be fine."

"Sev... when did you last eat?" Remus was clearly questioning his ability to care for himself. Even squinting, he could read the disapproval in the wolf's gaze.

Severus avoided Remus' eyes by looking carefully at his fingernails; they were starting to turn yellow too, and his hands were trembling. Wasn't that a sign of liver distress? "I'm sure I ate something yesterday. I'll be fine. Come back on Wednesday as we'd planned."

"It is Wednesday. I'm fixing you something to eat." Before Severus could stop him, Remus was entering his kitchen and staring at the mess. Severus vaguely remembered pulling every jar from his cupboards and smashing them on the floor. He thought he'd done that on Sunday. The rancid smell of decay supported that theory. He risked looking at Remus' shocked face; surprise was transforming into disgust. He opened his mouth to explain, but Remus held up a hand. "Snape, either take a shower or sit in the den. I'll get this."

Somehow shame motivated him in a way that self preservation had not. He was showered, wearing clean robes, and sitting in the den when Remus came back from the main kitchens, carrying a tray of toast, soup, and coffee. "Welcome back to the land of the living, Severus. It may lack the charms of heroic death, but it beats dying in squalor."

Severus snorted at Remus. "And a great life it is."

"Then what's your 'escape plan'?"

"Escape plan?"

"You clearly wish to leave, yet here you sit. What's blocking your path, and what do you plan to do about it?" Why did the wolf have to sound so unrelentingly reasonable?

"Remus, if I were to apply for a job in the Muggle world, it would require Muggle references, degrees, work history. I'm sure all of my records end mysteriously at age 11. Even if I could falsify the records I need, I won't have the requisite knowledge to maintain any credibility. I'm shackled to this world."

"So it's knowledge that you require," Remus stated as though it was a terribly simple problem, "because records are easy enough to insert if you're crafty about where you place them..."

"You have some experience with this. Ever the rule breaker, Lupin." Actually, Severus was listening very carefully. If the man knew what he was talking about, this could be his way out.

"Where, exactly, do you think I work? I've done what I had to do, and I won't apologize for that. So the question remains; is Severus Snape courageous enough to help himself?" Remus left a rhetorical pause that rivaled Severus' own classroom drama. "What jobs have you considered?"

He couldn't believe he was going to discuss this with Lupin, even if the man was acting as though he'd like to be a friend to Severus. "Something science based, chemistry perhaps... Muggle Potions of sorts–"

"Severus, do you realize that I teach Literature at a Muggle Academy? I'm quite familiar with the scope of most subjects." And over the next few hours, Remus proved his skill in both career counseling and the management of Severus Snape.

When Severus felt he'd made a strong case to train as a Chemist, Remus surprised him with a different suggestion. "I think you've set your sights too low. This is your chance to move up in the world. Why settle for Chemistry when you could study Medicine?"

Severus looked around him at the books pulled off shelves, the whiskey bottles littering the floor. Yes, I'm a veritable pillar of the community. Muggle health would thrive under my care.

Remus gave him a hard look, as though he could read his thoughts or perhaps just his expression. "I would think that four days of uninterrupted self pity have been quite enough. You're going to stand on your own again, Severus, if I have to push you up from the floor myself."

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At the time, Severus had been too busy trying to keep up with enrollment forms and night classes to question Remus' motives. Dr. Crane, however, had the time and the insight to recognize that helping Severus had also given Remus a reason to keep going.

Well, this wasn't about John anymore. A tortured young woman and two small children needed him. Perhaps he wasn't the only person who could help them, but right now he was the only one trying. It was long past time for Samuel to pick himself up off the floor.