Six

A/N: Standard disclaimer applies. Thanks to my betas JaneAverage, charmed310 and Snapeophile for all their hard work.

Remus gritted his teeth as he scrubbed the shampoo through his hair and ducked his head under the running water. He knew better than to be so aggressive – he always felt everything more acutely the closer it got to the full moon when the animal's instincts rose to the surface. Smells became sharper, sounds were louder, and his skin was much more sensitive than usual. His mind focused on the sensations as it followed the stream of bubbles and water as it ran down his skin and felt each rivulet as it travelled down his body, mapping its way like the tributaries of the Colorado River below. He opened his eyes and looked at the bubbly mass as it ran down the drain, wishing that he could wash his tension away that easily.

He shook his head as he stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel, running it hastily over his legs and lower body before he pulled on a soft pair of blue jeans. As he left his bedroom, he reached for his wand and tucked it into a special side pocket that he'd added to all his clothes, running the towel over his chest and back as he walked into the living area where Severus sat on the couch. He dried his hair roughly but peered out from under the towel when he heard Severus clear his throat. He noticed that, although Severus held a book in his lap, the dark eyes flickered over Remus' half-naked body, and for a moment, his flesh reacted as goose bumps broke out over his skin at the memory of what that look used to mean. There was a time when they both would have taken advantage of that interest, but he was edgy and irritable today, and Severus' attention felt unwanted.

'Any more plans for today?' Severus' tone was neutral but even that annoyed Remus.

'No, I thought I'd stay in and prepare.'

'Prepare?' The sarcasm dripped from every syllable, and Remus gritted his teeth as he took a deep breath through his nostrils and forced himself to relax.

Although he had become rather accustomed to Severus' presence in his home, as the night of the full moon approached, Remus almost wished that he would leave, even if only for a few days, so that he could build back his strength in order to handle the complications of their relationship. Remus hated his monthly transformations, but at least when he lived alone, he had no audience. After their short but intense tryst at Mooney Falls, nothing further had happened, even though he had certainly wanted more. Perhaps the mood had only been a product of the magic and the falls, or maybe their journey back home, albeit short, had been enough to rock Severus back into reality. Whatever it was, the man had become silent and a bit withdrawn. Remus had been surprised and dismayed by Severus' sudden mood change, but his gentle questions had been met with polite but firm answers. In the days that followed, there was little if any change, although they conversed as they had before. Remus felt wary once more, and as each day passed and the moon rose stronger each night, he felt that they were at a stalemate, with neither of them willing to make the next move. Stubborn – that word fit Severus Snape perfectly.

'The moon rises full tomorrow, Severus, and I'm already late making my brew.'

'You have a Potions master in your very house, and you bother yourself with herbal concoctions?' True to form, the man just wouldn't give the matter a rest.

'I've managed fine for years without you, Potions master,' Remus sniped as he savagely tucked the towel into the waistband of his jeans and stalked across to the counter by the window to begin his preparations. He hardly dared think of them as "potions," but they certainly helped, both to keep him calm during the transformation and with the pain afterwards. He decided to start with the wound-cleaning and soothing solution by chopping and then crushing the bark of the willow tree that he'd harvested at the base of the canyon. He placed the pieces into the bubbling pot then added some of the sap from the mesquite plant and lowered the fire, carefully adding drops of lavender and honey and allowing the mixture to simmer as he stirred it occasionally. Fifteen minutes later he removed the pot from the heat and carefully decanted the cooling yellow liquid into several glass bottles. He was so engrossed in his work that he almost didn't hear Severus' words.

'What would it take for you come back, Lupin?'

'Severus, I've told you before, I'm not going back.' Remus felt the muscles in his neck and back tense as they began the argument all over again. His tone was slightly harsh and he knew it, but he was on edge.

'There must be something. The Ministry has re-written the laws so you have nothing to fear. You can teach or help me research a cure.'

'It's got nothing to do with fear, so leave it, all right?'

'I'm serious. Come back with me.'

'Look, I'm not going back. Now LEAVE it,' Remus growled.

An uneasy silence hung in the empty space between them, and Remus concentrated on washing and drying his hands instead of clenching them into fists.

'Would you come back for this?' Something in Severus' tone belied his casual statement, and Remus turned, his gaze falling on the bottle of murky brown liquid that Severus held in his hand. Carelessly, the Potions master turned the bottle this way and that, and Remus shivered as the rays of the sunlight glinted off the glass.

Wolfsbane.

Remus had not touched the potion in almost two years. At first, he had almost been driven insane, both by the knowledge that he would lose himself to the wolf every month and by the horror when he saw what he had done. Fortunately, he had only killed small animals, but still, the danger was too great. Not long afterwards, he had gathered what ingredients he could and set about making potions of his own. None of them had ever been the equal of Wolfsbane, but through trial and error, they had enabled him to remain unconscious or at the very least passive through most of the transformation in his warded and Disillusioned home.

Even now, the primal pull of the wolf strained inside Remus, and he knew that he should be somewhere else. He was angry, and he felt the animal dangerously fighting for its freedom, but he tried desperately to quell the beating of that savage heart. His eyelids flickered – for a moment the temptation was there – but still, Wolfsbane could no more solve his dilemma than it could bring his loved ones back from the dead. He twisted the towel brutally in his hands and swallowed, but his throat was dry and his voice was little more than a rasp.

'No, Severus, not even for that.'

Remus could see the fury as it flashed to life in Severus' eyes and saw it reflected in his harsh features.

'What in the hell are you hiding from, Lupin? Are you waiting for something? Or someone? Who, Lupin? Who are you waiting for? Waiting for Padfoot and Prongs to come frolic in the moonlight with y –'

~~~

Severus was furious at Lupin's stubborn refusal to consider the options that he was presenting. No sooner did his anger translate into words than they were cut off as Lupin flung the towel aside and lunged towards him. With his animal strength, he slammed Severus into the wall and drove his full body weight into Severus' chest, pinning him to the wall with his forearm. Severus winced as his head slammed against the hard wood, and he felt Lupin's growling breaths, hot against his neck. The man was shaking, his rage palpable, and Severus could almost see the reflection of the moon in Lupin's eyes. He was a fool, such a fool! The moon was barely a day away, but he could almost feel its rise – he knew that he should never anger the man this close to the full.

Severus' heart beat a frantic tattoo in his chest as he fought to catch his breath, and for the first time in entirely too long, he was truly afraid. Not only afraid of what Lupin was capable of – he himself had spent decades researching werewolves and their habits – but afraid that he wouldn't recognise anyone or anything without the Wolfsbane. Lupin growled and, despite himself, Severus shivered, but he was still unable to break free of the man's iron grip.

'You will never speak of them again, do you understand me? Never talk about them as if you knew them, because you will NEVER understand the bond we shared. Now get out, Snape, and get out of my life.'

Severus tried to speak but was unable to do anything more than brace himself as Lupin threw him out of the open door and slammed it shut behind him. Severus landed hard on the ground outside the cottage and gasped as the wind was knocked out of his lungs. His face and hands burned from where they had scraped against the rocks on the path, and he hastily got to his feet as he looked around for any sign that he had been noticed.

Fucking werewolf. Fucking canyon. Fucking fuck!

Severus roared in his frustration, but suddenly it was difficult to breathe and his skin was crawling, not just the surface but all of it, every layer and every cell. He clawed at himself in an effort to make it stop, ripping his clothes and his skin as his insides turned first to fire, then to ice. His breaths were coming in gasps now, harsh, laboured puffs of air that seared his lungs and barely sustained his consciousness. His mind shrieked in a silent scream as he collapsed against Lupin's door, clawing and scratching the wood until his fingernails were split and bleeding. He fought against the growing darkness and desperately hoped that he would not die before...

~~~

Remus felt the power of the wolf surge inside him as he slammed the door. His chest burned with the rage that Severus could too easily pull from him, and he paced back and forth in front of the fireplace as he sought to calm himself. He heard scratching on his door and tried to ignore it, but the unpleasant tingling on his skin prompted him to answer the frightened and somehow frantic sounds. He flung the door wide, prepared for another screaming match with Severus.

He was not prepared for the sight at his feet.

Severus' face was ghostly pale, his eyes wide and staring as he silently gasped for breath. His fingers were clawed as they still grabbed at nothing, his fingernails ripped and bloodied where he had used them on Remus' door. There were deep, bleeding scratches on his skin and his face, and his clothes were little more than shreds of fabric that hung on him in tattered scraps. Remus knew that the canyon's magic was extremely displeased with Severus and was now exacting its punishment. His stomach lurched sickeningly as he realized that Severus' life was in grave danger, and he wrapped his arms around the panicking man as he Apparated them both.

The confluence point where the Little Colorado River met the Colorado was the Hopi Indians' sacred place. Remus had been there once before during his early explorations and knew from his research that this was where their magic was strongest. A naturally-occurring outcropping of rock in that part of the river with a smooth, flat surface resembled an altar of sorts, and it was at this spot that Remus and Severus arrived.

Remus ripped the remnants of the clothes from Severus' body and cast a Cushioning Charm on the rock, laying the injured man on the flat surface as he moaned weakly in pain. He looked around wildly as he searched the silent canyon walls for a way to call out to the spirits and ask for their help – he knew that Severus could very well die, as the angered spirits were too strong for one man to battle, and he felt that he should make some sort of sacrifice. Searching his deepest heart, he opened his soul to the spirits.

'Mighty Spirits of the canyon, spare this man. Take me. I willingly sacrifice my own life so that he may live. I have found happiness here, but please, allow him to live and be happy. Take me in his stead.'

He began to feel the telltale tingling on his own skin and suspected that the canyon's magic was displeased with him also. He didn't understand why – he had meant every word of his plea. Remus had found his peace here, but Severus still had to make his own way to salvation. The tingling of his skin got worse which was unusual, yet he continued to ask the spirits for help. Perhaps he had assumed wrongly. Perhaps the spirits didn't want Severus to die; they had made their wishes known that day at Mooney Falls, but both he and Severus had been too stubborn to notice. Now they were at the confluence point of two rivers, in a place where the two separate bodies flowed into one and became whole.

Remus knelt over Severus' barely moving body and checked his breathing, which was shallow. His pale skin shone with sweat, and his limbs were limp. Suddenly, a wave of realization washed over Remus, and he knew what to do. He searched Severus' clothes for his wand and felt a spike of electricity through his body as he ran the tip of the wand over his wrist. He winced as his hot blood spurted out from the wound onto Severus and the rock beneath them, and he hoped desperately that his blood would not contaminate the man. Hastily, Remus healed the cut and leaned over Severus as he held his pale wrist.

'Trust me,' he whispered, even though he knew that the man probably couldn't hear him. He withdrew his own wand from its place in his jeans and sliced into Severus' unresisting flesh, fresh blood flowing and joining his on the rock, pooling and running into the crevasses like a miniature river. He quickly healed Severus' wound and knelt beside him, turning his own face towards the heavens and silently imploring the magic of the canyon to release them both. There was no response from Severus and Remus was terrified to think that he was too late. Without conscious thought, the animal in him vied for supremacy as it fought to protect its mate.

'NO!' he yelled, his voice a howl of anguish. 'NO! He is MINE! Leave him, he's MINE!'

He frantically flung his body over Severus', spreading out and shielding him, protecting him from the sun, from the elements and from the magic that sought to exact its revenge. His weight must have been crushing Severus, but he didn't care as his body moulded to the flesh beneath him, and he held the man against him, his heart feeling as though it would burst as he wept.

Eventually, his sobs quietened, and he nearly jumped backwards as Severus groaned beneath him. In a heartbeat, he had climbed off him and wrapped his arms around Severus, hugging him to his chest as his own body shook with relief.

~~~

Severus was used to pain, but this was completely different from the Cruciatus. The crawling of his flesh and the burning of his body sapped his magic in a way he'd never experienced before. He felt weak, tired, and he knew that the spirits were truly angered by him. Once more, he had lost: lost the fight, lost Lupin, lost his soul. He was tired of loss, so bloody tired...

He was vaguely aware of a voice coming from what seemed like miles away, and the voice called to him. He felt rather than heard anger and inarticulate screams, then suddenly there was a weight on his chest, large, soft, comforting, and he relaxed. The weight would take him, then, would eventually crush him, and he would be no more, and there would be no more loss. His only regret was that he wouldn't be able to tell Lupin how sorry he was.

He felt a presence growing stronger, closer, more powerful, and much more insistent. His dawning consciousness brought with it the distinct impression that he was lying naked on a hard surface and that Remus Lupin was lying on top of him. Although his body still hurt, Lupin's weight upon his chest was pleasant and brought back even more pleasant memories. He groaned as he tried to move, and strong arms enveloped him as Lupin held him to his chest. Severus inhaled the scent of the man and weakly wrapped his own arms around the scarred torso, and they sat together for many minutes until Lupin's shaking gradually subsided.

Severus looked around them warily and noticed the drying blood on the stone as well as the splashes on his own skin and Lupin's. He felt weak and completely sapped of magical energy as he leaned back and surveyed the scene. His wand lay on a pile of clothes, and the maddening crawling of his skin had stopped. His body ached horribly – everywhere – and every movement only aggravated his condition. He surmised that the blood covering both himself and Lupin must have been his own, and he noted the fresh pink scar on his wrist just below the faded Mark. Severus was beyond exhaustion, but once more, he felt the canyon's gentle and harmonious magic as it washed over them. He began to feel light-headed and struggled to meet Lupin's gaze.

'What have you done?' he whispered as his world greyed out.

TBC...