Chapter 15 - Confessions - Part One

This chapter as you can see is part one of two so there will be more of the two couple in the next chapter.

All canon characters belong to JKR.

Thanks as always to June for all of her help and suggestions.

Chapter 15 – Confessions - Part 1

Lucius managed to convince Draco and Harry to stay the night. He told them Emil had already prepared the guesthouse for the two young wizards, and then he bid them both good evening.

The guesthouse was four times the size of Draco and Harry's tiny flat. It had a spacious living area, a gourmet kitchen, a small bedroom with a bathroom next to it, and a master bedroom that had its own master bath. There was even a small private patio in the rear.

When Draco and Harry walked into the small house, they looked at each other and knew that when they returned to their flat, it would be to pack up their belongings, because this was their new home.

Back at the main house, Lucius wondered why Ginny hadn't shown up yet. She promised to stop by earlier that evening, but it was nearly eleven and he hadn't heard from her.

"Master, is there anything more you wish from us this evening?" asked Emil.

"No, Emil. I think I will just stay up a while longer. You may all retire." Lucius smiled at the small elf as he left the room. Lucius briefly thought to go into the study and have a glass of brandy, but decided against it and started to walk up the stairs to his room. Before he could take even walk up two steps he heard a loud knocking on the front door. He furrowed his brow and walked towards the door. It was late, and people rarely just showed up at his door. While he wasn't worried that it might be anyone dangerous, he was curious as to whom it might be.

"Ginny," he said in surprise. Ginny usually arrived by Floo. "I'd almost given up hope that you would come by." Lucius leaned forward to kiss her mouth, as he usually did, but Ginny moved so his kiss caught her cheek.

"I'm sorry, I lost track of time." Ginny walked inside, her eyes averted from him.

Lucius looked after her. She'd thrown him slightly off-kilter with her demeanor. Usually she greeted him with a smile and a bit more enthusiasm.

"Well, the important thing is you are here now." Lucius approached her. "I've been thinking about you all day." He reached out to touch her cheek, but Ginny turned away from him. Now Lucius was worried. He thought quickly about their last conversation. He didn't recall saying anything to make her angry.

"Lucius, I need to speak with you about something." Ginny's fingers were twisting the bottom of her blouse. Lucius noticed and knew it was a sign of her being nervous.

"All right." He followed her into the living room where they both sat and remained silent for several minutes.

Ginny now began to now iron her twisted section of blouse with her hands. She took a deep breath and looked at Lucius.

"I went to Hogwarts earlier. Hermione and I were searching for a manual Severus was going to let her use for a class." Ginny wondered if she sounded as nervous as she felt. "We found...a...a Pensieve."

Lucius' entire body immediately stiffened. Ginny noticed.

"She... we...um...we looked inside." Ginny looked at him, wondering how he would react.

"And what did you see?" asked Lucius, knowing full well she'd seen the Pensieve that Severus kept of their last time together, a Pensieve that he himself had a duplicate of.

Ginny swallowed hard. "You were with Severus, and you were kissing and touching each other."

"Is that all you saw?" he asked softly.

"Yes, we didn't see anymore. We left just before... you did anything else."

Lucius was silent. Just hours ago, he'd told Draco about Ginny, and he expected to share the good news with her tonight; the last thing he ever thought he would be discussing with Ginny was his past relationship with Severus. While she and Hermione had both invaded their privacy, Lucius realized it was only a matter of time before the women found out; he and Severus had both expected that the explanation would come later, or "when the time is right" as Severus described it. Lucius knew he needed to explain his relationship with Severus to her carefully so that she understood the complexity of it all.

Ginny mistook Lucius' silence for anger. Feeling she'd ruined any possible future she could have had with him by allowing her curiosity to get the better of her, she decided to leave.

"I'm sorry. We shouldn't have looked; it was wrong of us." Ginny stood. "I should go." Before she made it to the hallway Lucius stood and grabbed her by the arm, spinning her around.

"How did you feel when you saw us?" he asked gently, not wanting to frighten her.

"I...I don't know," stammered Ginny.

Lucius raised his brows. "I don't believe you." Lucius pulled her towards the corner and blocked her path. "How did you feel?" he repeated.

"Shocked, angry, sad," said Ginny as she felt tears filling her eyes.

"Shocked?"

Ginny nodded. "I've never seen two men doing what you were doing. The most I've ever seen Harry and Draco do is peck each other on the cheek or hold hands."

"Angry?"

"About what you were doing to Severus." Ginny felt her cheeks growing warm. She was both embarrassed, yet turned on when she thought of the things she'd seen in the Pensieve. "I've imagined you doing those things to me, and I was angry to see you with him. I wanted it to be me."

Lucius felt relieved. At least he knew that she didn't hate him. The very fact that she wished she'd been in Severus' place told him she felt something for him. The last item still worried him, though.

"Why did you feel sad?" he asked.

Ginny sobbed, and wiped her eyes.

"You loved him. You probably still do to a degree. I could see in your eyes how much you both cared for one another. I've never been loved like that." Ginny bowed her head, ashamed that she was so envious of the two men, and ashamed that not even her ex-fiance had loved her like that. Then she looked at Lucius and sobbed. "And then there is your wife."

Ginny rushed past him, trying to get away. Lucius caught her and wrapped his arm around her waist, keeping her from going any further.

"My wife is gone, Ginny. I loved her and will always hold a place in my heart for her, but I am not now consumed by love for her – or by grief, guilt, or regret," he said, feeling his own emotions now making their way to the surface. He held Ginny close to him. "And Severus – well, Severus and I are... complicated."

"And Draco? Did you tell him tonight about me?"

"He's fine with the news. Draco thinks you are intelligent and beautiful, and he is happy for the both of us." Lucius knew this was not the time to tell her that Harry and Draco would likely be moving into the guesthouse.

Ginny felt her legs give away slightly as Lucius held her. She felt his warm breath against her cheek as he held her. His strong arms tightened around her.

They stood in the same spot for almost five minutes, until Lucius loosened his grip around her waist.

She turned and looked at him. There had been so much sadness in his life as of late, and she could see all of it reflected in his eyes.

"Tell me that you are not leaving me," said Lucius. "Tell me what you want of me, Ginny, and I will endeavor to give it to you." He wiped her tears away with the pad of his thumb.

Ginny placed her hand on his chest. His heart was beating so hard she felt as though she held his life in her hand.

"I just want to know that you have room for me in here," she said, as she looked down at her hand covering his heart. "Not just for a week, or a month, or even a year or two."

Lucius took her hand and held it against his lips. Severus had told him about Ginny's recent broken engagement with Seamus Finnigan, and he guessed her insecurity had something to do with that. Later, he would have to thank his fellow Slytherin for that bit of information. Now, it was time for Lucius to concentrate on his beautiful redhead.

"There is an infinite amount of room for you in my heart, Ginny." He kissed her lips lightly, then pulled back and whispered in her ear. "And I will not allow you to think that I cannot love you."

He picked her up and walked with her up the staircase, fully prepared to show the young witch how he truly felt about her.

~*~*~*~*~

Severus was still elated over the death of Antonin Dolohov. Before he entered his rooms, he'd taken a moment to go into a small wine cellar Albus had set up for him a few years ago; he picked out a Shiraz that he wanted to share with Hermione.

As soon as he walked into his study, he noticed something out of the corner of his eye. His Pensieve was visible. It was normally pushed further back on the very top shelf of the bookcase, but now it was almost to the edge. He looked around the room, and noticed it was in slight disarray. Severus remembered he'd given Hermione permission to use a manual she'd needed for her class, but... he looked up at the Pensieve again. He approached the bookcase and reached his arm up, then carefully pushed the shallow stone basin towards the back of the bookcase, no longer visible to anyone who entered.

Holding the bottle of wine in his hand, he walked out of the study and wandered up the hallway connecting his and Hermione's rooms.

When he reached her rooms, he noticed light streaming from the bottom of the door to her bedroom.

After Ginny had left, Hermione sat in her room for the rest of that evening, staring into the fire. As she sat, she played the scene of Severus and Lucius over and over in her mind and smiled. All of these years, she'd felt sorry for Severus, thinking he'd never known love, thinking he'd never been shown even the slightest bit of compassion or tenderness – but now she knew she'd been wrong. He had been loved; it was evident in the scene she and Ginny witnessed in the Pensieve.

Hours later, she took a long shower and prepared herself for bed. Hermione

had almost dozed off when she heard the bedroom door opening. She turned her head to see Severus standing at the doorway, holding a bottle of wine.

"Severus." Hermione got out of bed and walked towards her wizard. She stopped as she noticed the serious look on his face. "Is there something wrong? Did everything go well tonight?"

Severus walked past her and placed the bottle on the night table, and then turned back to her.

"Everything went well," he said quietly. "There was an...incident, but it was taken care of."

Hermione was beginning to feel uneasy. He wasn't his usual self. Normally he would have greeted her with a kiss, and describe what he'd done that evening.

Severus strode to the fireplace and stood in front of it, staring into the flames.

"What did you do this evening?" Severus looked at her, and Hermione instantly knew that she'd been found out.

"What gave me away?" she asked. It was enough she had invaded his privacy, the last thing she was going to do now was add to the pile of deceit by denying she had even done anything wrong.

Severus smirked. "You didn't push the Pensieve far enough to the back of the bookcase. It's not usually visible, which makes me wonder how you saw it in the first place."

"I was looking for the manual you said you would lend me. I had the room lit more than it usually is so I could search better, and I was across the room. I looked up and thought I saw something and went to see what it was."

"Ah yes." Severus now moved to the chair next to the fireplace and sat down. "The ever present Gryffindor curiosity."

Hermione was silent as he stared at her.

"I take it you looked into my Pensieve?"

Hermione now felt a tightening in her belly as she readied herself for the next part of her confession.

"Ginny was here also; we both looked."

Severus rose quickly from his chair and walked around the chair, turning his back to her. Not only had Hermione broken his trust and invaded his privacy, but she had an accomplice; Lucius' privacy had also been breached. Severus was not only mortified but angry beyond belief.

"Severus, please. I'm sorry. I know we shouldn't have looked, but..."

"But what?" he yelled as he turned quickly.

Hermione jumped and took a step back. He was angry, and he had every reason to be.

"I just...Severus, I just wanted to understand you better." Hermione felt desperate. "I know you still suffer from what you did in the past. I hear you talking in your sleep." She felt tears welling in her eyes. They'd been friends for several years now, but this romantic stage of their relationship was still so new. It was still in a fragile state, where one wrong move could end it all in a split second. Hermione was afraid she'd made that move by looking into the Pensieve.

Severus sighed and ran his hand over his face. He looked at his lover and knew that what she'd done, while invasive, was done because of her desire to understand him better. It wasn't the same as when the fifth-year Harry Potter had invaded his Pensieve memory solely out of curiosity, with no affection.

"Hermione, if you felt that you needed to know more about me, then why didn't you simply ask?"

"You're a private man, Severus. I know you don't like talking about the things in your past."

"That's true, but you and I are together. There are things that you know about me no one else is privy to." He approached Hermione and took her hand. "If there is something I do not wish to tell you, it's for a reason. There are things in my past, Hermione, things that no one with a weak stomach should ever know of."

Hermione shivered. She realized that what she had seen in the Pensieve could have been much more disturbing than watching her lover with another man.

"I realize that now. Please forgive me." She looked into his dark eyes.

Severus held her hand and brought it to his lips to kiss, and raised his other hand to touch her cheek.

"You meant well, I know you did. But next time, just ask me if there is something you feel that you need to know."

Hermione nodded and smiled. He'd forgiven her; however, there was still the matter of what she'd seen in the Pensieve. She bit her lip and bowed her head.

"I gather you have questions for me about what you saw?" Severus lifted her head. He didn't sense that she was bothered by what she'd seen, but knowing Hermione, she was bound to have questions.

"You loved each other?" asked Hermione.

Severus nodded. "Yes, but the physical part of our relationship is far in the past."

"Do you both still feel that way?"

Severus held on to her hands and led her towards the bed. He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her to sit on his lap.

"Lucius and I," he said as he kissed her cheek and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Well, we're complicated."

Hermione ran her fingers through his hair. What she'd seen in the Pensieve was two people with deep feelings for each other – the kind of feelings that didn't just go away. Severus loved her, but she felt that deep down in his heart, he still loved the blond wizard.

"Yes, what I saw looked quite complicated." She caressed his cheek as she smiled at him. "Severus, I don't need to know about every single moment you and Lucius spent together. What I saw was enough to tell me all I need to know."

Hermione twisted herself so that she was straddling him, and then pushed him back onto the bed.

"You didn't tell me what happened to you this evening. What was the bottle of wine for?" she asked, wanting to change the subject now that they seemed to have both accepted the past.

"Just the usual. I brewed some potions, with our addition of course, before I received my usual whipping from Dolohov..."

Hermione crinkled her brows. "That bastard. Oh, I wish I could give him a taste of his own medicine."

Severus ran his hands up her thighs.

"He won't be bothering anyone again, don't worry," he said.

Hermione cocked her head. "Severus, what did you do?"

"I made him disappear."

Now Hermione was worried. She knew that the Riddle home was warded to make Voldemort aware of most dangerous magic done in the house, which made it impossible for anyone to cast any Unforgivable in the home.

"Severus, you didn't kill him, did you?" asked Hermione.

He shook his head. "Not exactly."

Now Hermione was confused. "Not exactly? Then what happened to him?"

Severus smiled. "Let's just say he went out in a blaze...of glory?"

~*~*~*~

Don't worry, Severus won't let Hermione get away with changing the subject. They still have a bit more of the past to address, but I promise no angst.