Chapter 9
Transcendent Quality of Remembrance
Chapter 9 of 26
SubversaA/U. In a postwar world, members of the Order and the DA are sent together into hiding. Trapped in claustrophobic circumstances, plagued by inexplicable dreams, surrounded by her closest friends - and her most dreaded adversary - Hermione struggles to come to terms with her postwar life.
A/N: Two weeks out from my daughter's wedding, in the dead heat of the fiery last ten days of tax season, and yeah, I'm toast. It isn't a very big chapter, but when you're done, I'll be waiting with a cigarette.
Chapter 9
Maybe a great magnet pulls
All souls to what's true
Constant Craving - by k d lang
Hermione stared at the closed door, feeling ridiculous...and defeated. He was not attracted to her. In fact, he might actually be repulsed by her, because didn't most men stick around when confronted with a naked woman?
Disconsolate, she picked up her nightdress and crawled onto the bed, dragging it with her. When she reached her pillow, she sagged onto it, rolling onto her back to stare at the ceiling, her nightdress draped across her like an insufficient sheet.
She had long had doubts about her husband's involvement with one of his co-workers, but she'd tried not dwell on it. Professor Vector...Tima, she'd heard him call her once...was a beautiful woman. She was taller than Hermione, more slender, her hair was a darker brunette and not bushy, and worst of all, she was his friend...a position of trust and camaraderie Hermione could never hope to attain.
Hermione hadn't suspected a thing in the beginning. After all, Snape had proclaimed himself to be unattached, as had she, when they began to make their marriage plans. It was only after finding them together in Snape's rooms...Snape's and Hermione's rooms...that she'd begun to put it all together. Why else would Vector have been at their wedding? And hadn't she been the one to tell Hermione to enjoy her wedding night? And didn't Snape sit with Vector many days at breakfast and lunch, the meals Hermione was not required to take with him?
It had been late one night in March, when the final shows had begun to melt, and Hermione had hurried back to the professor's rooms after her curfew. She'd been revising in the Gryffindor common room, piles of books stacked around her like a fortress, when Harry had yawned and said, 'You do know it's past midnight, right?'
Hermione had passed through the warded arch leading to their door, knowing Snape would feel her passage and dreading the telling off she would receive for being late. But she had been less discomposed than he and Vector when she walked in on their tête-à-tête conversation.
Snape had recovered quickly and gone on the attack. 'You came in hours ago!'
'I went out again,' she'd said, without pausing in her forward motion.
'I thought you were in bed!'
'Apparently.'
Hermione had gone through the room without making eye contact, passing Vector without a word of acknowledgement.
'Good night, Hermione,' her Arithmancy teacher had said to her back, but Hermione had not responded.
Ever since that time, she had watched for signs of attachment between her husband and Professor Vector, but they gave her very little to work with. Even so, Hermione was not stupid; she could deduce easily enough what went on between the tall, slender, smooth-haired siren of the Arithmancy department and her dangerously attractive spouse.
She groaned and rolled onto her side. When...when!...had Snape evolved from the unpleasant teacher she'd had to marry into someone she was so damnably attracted to? Had it been before the dreams began or after? Had the dreams been caused by the attraction, or had the attraction been caused by the dreams? She had tried before to puzzle it out, and it never seemed that she reached a conclusion. It was as if there were some impediment in place that prevented her from concentrating on it for long enough to work it out.
She heard him speak before she knew the door had been opened.
'Are you sleeping?'
The deep timbre of his voice was like an accelerant to the embers of her seemingly perpetual desire. The want was acute, like a pain low in her belly.
She swallowed and sat up. 'I was just dressing for bed,' she lied, untangling the nightdress from her legs so she could put it on. After all, it wasn't as if Snape had never seen her naked ... presumably.
'Wait.'
He seated himself on the edge of the bed, his weight causing the mattress to dip, his hip brushing her naked leg. Hermione froze in place, the fabric of her sleepwear crumpled in her clenched fists.
He looked into her face with sharp, calculating eyes. His jaw was dark with end of the day stubble, his hair gone limp with oiliness, his lips pressed together in a thin, angry line. He did not look at all approachable.
Dear God, why did she want him so?
'Why are you doing this?' he asked, his tone clipped, abrupt.
'I ... I thought we might ...' she began, but he continued speaking, as if her answer were unimportant. Not that she'd managed to formulate much of a response ...
'And what was that twaddle about me not wanting you? You'd have to be witless to believe any man with blood in his veins could fail to want you.'
The words were delivered in his signature acerbic style, spoken in such a way as to demean and denigrate...twaddle? Witless?...but what was he really saying? That he wanted her? That any man would want her? Wait, wasn't that a compliment?
His eyes took on an odd, glittering appearance, and he allowed his gaze to roam over her face, pausing at her lips before dropping to her chest. Hermione glanced down to see her breasts, nipples crinkled in the cool air, and her nightdress, stretched tightly across her tummy by fisted fingers that seemed to have lost the capacity to function.
Instinctively, she began to lift the fabric to cover herself, but he pried the nightdress from her fingers and dropped it to the floor, his rapacious eyes never pausing in their languid survey of her body.
'No,' he said, his eyelids falling to half-mast over his glittering eyes. 'You wanted me to look, so I shall.'
Sweet Circe, it was as if she could feel the trail of his gaze upon her flesh, heat searing her hyper-sensitive skin, her useless hands suspended where he'd left them, fingers splayed like small white starfish.
Then his eyes rose to meet hers, and she was undone. Captive and captivated, she did what seemed to come naturally...she capitulated.
'What else do you want, I wonder?' he said, and Hermione closed her eyes against the blaze of desire that flared in her.
'I thought we could...' She hesitated over have sex and said instead, '...make love.'
His thin, expressive lips twisted. 'You want me to fuck you?' he asked, but the thumb he rubbed over her lower lip robbed the question of its sting.
Her lips parted, and he hooked his thumb over her bottom teeth, skimming the tip of her tongue. Hermione shuddered, her lips closing on the invader, and he chuckled, sending another ripple of warmth straight to her core.
'I'll take that for a "yes",' he said, and then he was gone, moved to the foot of the bed, where he began disrobing.
Hermione watched him, rapt, scarcely believing this was really happening. But this was no dream...this was reality. He undressed quickly and efficiently, scarcely giving her time to absorb all there was to see. He was aroused, though; of that, there could be no question...and the realisation came with an ache of desire so piercing she'd have bent double with the pain, had he not covered her body with his, one leg insinuating between her thighs, and his face appearing over hers, so close she could smell tea upon his breath.
'How shall we begin?' he inquired, the expanse of his thigh applying pressure to her slick, needy quim.
She twined the fingers of one hand in his hair, thrusting slowly against his conveniently placed leg. It was verboten for her to ask for details of the time she had forgotten...what happened after she drank the Lethe Elixir...so she came at her request in a roundabout way.
'Let's begin as we did on our wedding night,' she said, her body tight as a bow string, waiting the nock of his first arrow.
And she was dumbfounded...but entirely receptive...when he captured her lips in a searing kiss.
It was like burning alive, as if the blood in her veins had been replaced with liquid dragonfyre and Severus Snape had come along to supply the detonation. Every spot he touched, every place he kissed...with each stroke of fluid motion, piercing her body, he stoked the bonfire devouring them to blinding blue flame. She felt helpless to anticipate him, a mere vessel consumed by his heat, his body atop hers, the muscles of his arms and shoulders rippling with his efforts, his hawkish face intent upon hers. She had thought he might finger her or put his mouth between her legs as he had done the night before, but this was better...was more. It was happening not only to her but to him as well, this long, slow, all-consuming burn, a simultaneous immolation of their bodies and souls, and she would willingly die in the next moment if in this one she could open to him and experience this ... oh, this.
And in that instant when she might have died, instead, she fell. Weightless, through time and space and memory, every nerve synapse in her body firing, until all was bedazzling white light, her cry (and his?) echoing in her mind as strong arms enveloped her, and the voice she heard in her dreams was at her ear.
'Hush. I've got you. You're safe.'
It was only then that she felt the wetness upon her cheeks and knew she was crying and trembling, overwhelmed by the paroxysm of emotion...by the tectonic shift from longing for him to being possessed by him.
'Oh, Severus,' she breathed, clinging to his sweat slick body, and he anchored her.
And over all, saturating her senses and absorbed into her very body by the pores of her skin, was the intoxicating scent of sandalwood and musk.
A/N: Constant Craving by kd lang, a staple of the playlist for this story: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABYJo53mHHQ
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Latest 25 Reviews for Transcendent Quality of Remembrance
517 Reviews | 6.43/10 Average
It is amazing to me that a story, in which the surprises and slow unraveling of the tale are at the heart of the storytelling, can be so captivating and delightful upon re-read. Thanks for warming my cold winter morning. I hope you are well and finding success in real life writing. And thinking about finishing Owned. Shit, did I say that out loud?! Oops. :)
Oh my god. I LOVED IT!!!! I cried, laughed, sighed, gasped and smiled during this...ALOT. It was so well written. I read it all in one sitting. THAT'S HOW BRILLIANT IT WAS! Definitely one of my favorite stories and one of the best I've read. Was so good. Am so happy I stumbled upon it. Keep writing!
Oh my god. I LOVED IT!!!! I cried, laughed, sighed, gasped and smiled during this...ALOT. It was so well written. I read it all in one sitting. THAT'S HOW BRILLIANT IT WAS! Definitely one of my favorite stories and one of the best I've read. Was so good. Am so happy I stumbled upon it. Keep writing!
Dear Subversa,
I am writing to inform you that you've been nominated for the following category for the Fall-Winter 2013 Round of The HP Fanfic Fan Poll Awards (hpfanficfanpoll . livejournal . com):
SHIP: SNAPE X HERMIONE
CATEGORY: BEST DRAMA-ANGST for "Transcendent Quality of Remembrance"
You need not take any other action at this time, unless you would like to reject the nomination. In that case, please contact us and we'll remove the nomination and contact the person who nominated you to let them know your decision.
We have an "I've been nominated" banner on our website for you to post on your blogs/Tumblr/Twitter/Facebook pages right now, if you wish. The banner can be found here:
hpfanficfanpoll . livejournal . com / 20115 . html.
The nominations period ends on October 28, 2013.
The voting period will commence on November 1, 2013 and close on December 31, 2013 (that gives two full months to read and consider the nominated fics).
Our awards ceremony is open to the public to vote, and we encourage you to ask your friends/family to participate. We will tally up all votes and announce winners on or before January 10, 2014. Please check back then to see if your stories placed, or add us as a FRIEND on Livejournal so you can get emails when that list is broadcast on our blog. Banners for your nominations/placements will be available at that time, too.
Congratulations on your nomination!
Sincerely,
Melissa, The HP Fanfic Fan Poll Awards Moderator
Great Story!
Goodness, it's taken me forever to get here to review. I do most of my reading on my phone these days, and it is a real pain to type anything of substance. And this, the final chapter of this wonderful tale, and also of your fanfic career, deserves more than two lines, painfully input from my keypad.
The letter that Hermione wrote to Severus was perfect. Mostly, because she really hit the nail on the head; would Severus has acted as he did without the Lethe Elixir? I don't know how the answer to that can be anything but no. And he realizes this.
The clever man knew his wife couldn't resist picking up the pony, and good thing, too. I love that it was incorporated into the story one more time.
At the cottage, there is no drawn out angsty fight ... just them getting back to good. I love that this came back as well:
'"I believe it is customary to begin with a kiss,"
And once again they are in bed in the cottage ... the place where they seem most right. It is just like the honeymoon, only this time there is no ticking timebomb in the background, so they have the luxury of sleep.
The situation with her moving to the states and attending university couldn't have gone any better. The job Severus was given is the perfect solution for them to be together. I was afraid he might have to teach again. :) It was such a relief to me as the reader, I can only imagine how excited they are.
And the end paints such a tranquil picture. I can picture nothing but a happily ever after for them. Which is all we've ever wanted, of course.
You've wrapped things up very nicely, something I've always loved about your stories. I am sorry to see you go. This is the end of an era, if I ever saw one. But, you might as well try your hand at ofic. If you love the characters you create half as much as you do these two, and if you throw yourself into it wholeheartedly as you always have, I can't imagine a scenario in which you don't succeed. So, best of luck to you. I only ask that you keep us updated on the progress with your original work. I'm pretty LJ impaired, but perhaps I'll have to friend you to follow your progress.
I've been meaning to thank you for writing for weeks! This was such a wonderful story. The core of it - Hermione's voluntary memory loss - fueled such rich portraits of both characters. Their internal thoughts and lives were so beautifully rendered. It was a joy to read.
Also, steamy ;)
That was a beautiful, fitting ending, with all the loose ends tied up very nicely. I especially liked the part where tears may have been shed - I was crying inside with them.
Thank you so much for writing this fic and everything else you have done for the fandom. Again, all the best with your original work - it would be a shame if the world outside our little slice of fanfiction heaven don't get to enjoy your talents like we did here!
Not gonna lie, went back here today praying there was an epi or one more chapter. So hard letting go of this. Thank you for everything xo
I really loved your story, and thank you for sharing it with us all. I'm a bit of a playlist junkie too when writing, so I can understand what you mean about the songs. Anyways, I know you said you had no more plans to write, but I sincerely hope you will change your mind and that inspiration strikes soon! :)
WOW. I read this at one sitting, and am now up two hours' past bedtime, because I had to discover the next twist. I am so glad I had the patience to wait for TQoR to be completed before reading, because I think I would have gone mad waiting for updates.
Good luck with the o-fic, judging by your fanfic I'm sure it will be wonderful.
What a lovely final chapter, all tied up perfectly. Thankyou for being such an amazing writer and for sharing your stories with us, I hope you return to us in the future, we will be here waiting! I'll keep an eye on LJ for your progress, good luck with your writing! P.S You note at the beginning brought a tear to my eye, what a softie I am!!
Thank you for writing this sweet and at times heart wrenching story. I kept being impatient for her to remember, but then she did and the story ended. Careful what you wish for.....
Well written, great arc, thanks!
Oh! I forgot to thank you for the song! I've never heard of Default before. I really liked it. It's goes perfectly with the end of this story, too. Thanks for the new band.
(I don't really live under a rock or anything. I hope I'm not too lame for not knowing about someone that everyone else knows about. I just seldom listen to the radio these days with 3000 songs on the ipod in the car. Now I have one to add.)
Well, that certainly couldn't have turned out any better, could it have! I still think Severus keeping the secret is bullocks, but the cat's out of the box now, and he needed something this crazy to happen before he was going to allow himself to love and be loved. I'm glad that Hermione could see that.
Hermione is going to have to get over her issues with his dark magic past. That's part of the package. It's also part of what makes her sexy potions master so sexy. He wouldn't be who he is without that part of him. 
I could be wrong, but if I were Hermione, I don't think I could be busy enough not to miss him while he's traveling. Hopefully they'll have plenty of nights sharing their successes and making small talk over tea or a glass of wine. I'm so glad for Severus that he has not only got the girl, but he got the job of his dreams to boot. He deserved it.
Well, I will miss this story, that's for sure. I have a couple of plot bunnies to float if you ever want to get back into the SS/HG ship. I'll never be able to do what you have done with them. Thank you so much for the wonderful happy ending. I'll have to keep checking your livejournal to know what you are up to next. Kisses and hugs. Susan
Be still, my heart. When Hermione walked into the kitchen at the Cottage to find an encore of their wedding night supper I thought I'd die of joy. It was wonderful. I wanted to kiss Severus right then and there. What a fitting tribute to their marriage, their love for each other, and a balm so soothe them after all the heart ache and downright hard work they had done to reclaim what rightfully theirs.
I thought the My Little Pony Portkey was ingenious! Knowing that she wouldn't be able to resist picking it up if she saw it in his bedroom, what better way to spirit her away from the castle and to their true haven–not the one in the forest, but the honeymoon cottage with the large, squishy yellow sofa and two matching armchairs.
I wanted to cheer when Hermione saw that she had been accepted at the Salem Witches' Institute, and I'm certain they will be very happy there. They have such a rich future ahead of them, and I thank you for that. This entire story has been a joy to share with you and all the other readers.
I wish you every success and happiness, my friend. I have learned so much from you and your "fevered imagination." Getting to know you through your writing and LJ has been a rare privilege and I believe that the Transcendent Quality of Remembrance I have acquired will keep you in my thoughts and my heart forever. I hope to see you dropping by fandom every once in a while, and I will follow you on LJ just so I know what's happening in your and SubHub's lives. Hugs to all your family and a special "Beffey kiss" for the Beetle.
You ROCK! I'm looking forward to reading your ofic. A Thousand Points to Your House! (Severus said so.)
Beth
So beautiful.... after everything they've been through, their love was enough to overcome the misunderstanding and the potion's effects. What beautiful furutres you've given them - Severus as resarcher, Hermione as a student in anything she wants to learn, and traveling around the world together, unencumbered.
THANK YOU for this story. I just hope it's not your farewell to the fandom. You know that we will be eagerly watching for your o-fic career, and loving you and SubHub forever and always.
Lovely ending and tie up of all the loose ends. I'll miss your stories; you are one of my favourite authors, but I'll look forward to hearing about your new endeavours on LJ! :D
Loved this story as much as I love you Sub. You are sooooo talented!
Loves you, Sonia :)
Brava, my dear. A fitting end to a compelling tale.
That was absolutely perfect.
BRAVA - this was truly a work of which you may be proud!!! I'm sad to see it go, but it really has run its course, and I will look forward to whatever you write next. Author Alerts ROCK! :)
Much love!!
Hi Subversa,
I can hardly believe that this enchanting story is over, just as our favorite couple's lives together are only beginning. What a wonderful treat it would be to look in on them in about five years. As you and SubHub know, when it is true love, it just gets better and better. I have been with my husband almost 22 years now, but we were in our 30s when we tied the knot, so we have a ways to go to catch up with you two. I like to think Severus and Hermione will outlive us all and live happily ever after for a very long time, since they are magical folk. I suppose through the miracle of the written word, in a way they will. And you have been one of the best of many authors to give them the chance to be happy together (unlike JKR-- I will never forgive her for what she did to Severus).
This story is, as all of your other works, enchanting (did I already mention that?) and very well written. Your words weave a complex scene full of emotions and tactile experiences. I almost feel like I'm there with them, becoming one of them through your words. Beautiful. I will watch your progress in the realm of original fiction with interest. That is how Stephenie Meyer got her start. Why can't you?
Best wishes for your future as a writer. You have at least one fan in me.
I'm so happy how things ended. I'm very happy that Severus planned on going to America with Hermione. I was so worried about them resolving things, but I'm glad they did.
I'll have to remember to leave a proper review later on, but for now I just have to tell you that this ending is completely and utterly perfect.
The world of fanfiction will be poorer without you, but I wish you the best of luck in your ofic endeavours.
I have spend a nicely 26 weeks reading your beautifle story .I thank you for writting it , and I realy anjojed reading it.My friday was spend waiting for more chapter to come.I am realy sad that it and it ,but I love it from start till the and. And the and is magnificant.Realy , I fope that You plan to writt a new story ,because realy You are very good at it. My congratulations,
and my thanks for pleasure in reading .
Best regards from Lora.