Chapter 5
Transcendent Quality of Remembrance
Chapter 5 of 26
SubversaA/U. In a postwar world, members of the Order and the DA are sent together into hiding. Trapped in claustrophobic circumstances, plagued by inexplicable dreams, surrounded by her closest friends - and her most dreaded adversary - Hermione struggles to come to terms with her postwar life.
Chapter 5
My will has disappeared
Now confusion is so clear
Temptation, temptation, temptation
I can't resist
Temptation - by Diana Krall
'Tell me what you need, and I will attend to it.'
Only candles burned in the room, yet it felt as if electric light beat upon her closed eyelids, painfully bright and unrelenting. Unbidden...and unwelcome...a memory came to her, as vividly real as the day it had happened.
9 January, 1998
It was the morning of her wedding day, and still, she and Professor Snape had not come to a final agreement on their ... arrangement. The night before, he had failed to appear at their appointed meeting after dinner. Hermione was, therefore, not entirely surprised when Minerva McGonagall knocked on her door soon after dawn.
'Professor Snape would like a word, Miss Granger,' her Head of House said. 'He was ... unavoidably detained last night, and he asked me to deliver his apologies. Can you come now?'
Hermione was frantic with worry and indecision...why should she go through with a wedding when her intended couldn't even be bothered to show up for their final negotiations?...and her anxiety bled through in her response.
'Why must I go to him?' she demanded. 'He can come to me! I waited for two hours last night!'
Professor McGonagall cast furtive looks up and down the stone corridor of Gryffindor Tower before replying. 'I am sure he would be happy to come to you, if we were not doing everything humanly possible to hide our intentions from the ... High Inquisitor.'
Minerva McGonagall scarcely ever used the title "Headmistress" when referring to Dolores Umbridge.
At the mention of the menacing Umbridge, Hermione's wayward emotions swung wildly to a new extreme. 'Of course I'll go to him,' she averred. 'He can tell me himself why he left me waiting.'
Hermione hurried through the castle at McGonagall's side, puzzled when they passed Snape's office and continued down two more staircases, deep into the bowels of the castle.
'Where are we going?' she whispered, but McGonagall did not answer, leading Hermione beneath an elaborate stone arch to knock upon the door situated there. Hermione hung back, hesitant, but the older witch gathered her in with an arm about her shoulders, so that they stood side by side as the door opened.
Snape's gaze raked Hermione with something akin to distaste as he threw open the door. He was extremely pale, dirty black hair hanging almost to his shoulders, with coloration like a bruise about his impossibly dark eyes...he had not been sleeping much, either. But of far more interest was his attire; for the first time in all her acquaintance with him, she saw her Potions professor without his teaching robes. He wore a high-necked black jumper over his usual black trousers, and the novelty almost made her forget why she was there.
'Can't you do something with your hair?' he snarled.
Hermione bridled as if slapped. 'Can't you?' she countered querulously, one hand stealing...against her will...to fumble at her untidy, hastily-created queue.
'I pulled her out of bed, Severus,' McGonagall said in astringent tones, walking forward until Snape fell back to allow her and Hermione to enter what appeared to be a small, book-lined sitting room.
It was Hermione's first sight of the place that was to become her home.
'She had no time for primping,' McGonagall had continued, 'not if we were to make our way down here unobserved...before her spies are about.'
Snape raised a hand at his colleague in acquiescence. 'It is of no matter,' he murmured.
'Then I will leave you to complete your business together,' the old woman said. 'Miss Granger, I will come to your room at five o'clock to help you prepare for the ceremony.'
Hermione nodded her agreement, and in the next moment, she was alone with her fiancé in his private rooms.
Though her heart was beating too fast...she was discomfited to be closed in with him, in his unfamiliar, casual attire...she lifted her chin and spoke before he had a chance to begin.
'Where were you last night?' she inquired tightly. 'I waited in the Room of Requirement for two hours.'
He focused his black eyes on her face. 'I was unavoidably detained,' he replied icily. 'You'd best accustom yourself to the fact that you have no control over my movements.'
Hermione felt her fury rising at this cool dismissal, until his next muttered words made him seem less like the imperious martinet he'd always been in her presence...made him seem almost human.
'Sometimes, it seems I don't have much control over them, either.'
A pulse of sympathy drew her one step closer to him. She'd known since fourth year that her Potions professor was a Death Eater who spied for the Light, but she was not at all sure what sorts of hazards that position posed for him.
He watched her come closer with a speculative narrowing of his eyes, and as if he was following her train of thought, he forestalled her with, 'No questions. Just tell me this: Can we agree on our arrangement without any further wrangling?'
Hermione felt a twinge of annoyance. He had agreed to negotiations regarding their roles in this marriage scheme, but then he made her fight with him for every point she had gained. Even so, she had no new demands to make of him.
'Yes,' she replied.
He nodded once. 'Then you may go.'
A certain stubborn determination stayed her feet. 'If this is where I'll be living, I would like to see my room,' she said, trying desperately not to sound like a frightened eighteen year old female.
She half-expected annoyance...fully expected resistance...but he surprised her, with another show of humanity. Two in one encounter! she marvelled, following him as he led the way across the sitting room in silent compliance with her request.
There were three doors visible, plus a tiny alcove that proved to be a kitchen, of sorts. The first door he opened and stepped back, as if to allow her full access. 'Your sleeping quarters,' he intoned flatly, and Hermione entered the space, noting the narrow single bed, the mirrored vanity table...an odd item to find in Severus Snape's quarters, surely?...and an ancient wooden wardrobe, fragrant of cedar.
Not as large a space as the one she shared with Lavender and Parvati, high in Gryffindor Tower, perhaps, but it would be her very own, uncluttered with the girly paraphernalia her dormitory mates considered indispensable.
'You find it ... acceptable?' the professor inquired.
Hermione darted a quick look to his inscrutable face. 'Yes, thank you,' she murmured. 'Is there a bathroom?'
The second door led into a bathroom complete with toilet, a basin with faucet handles shaped like coiled serpents, and a shower. 'If you should prefer a bath to a shower, you have access to the Prefect's Bath, of course,' he said.
Hermione exited the loo and pulled the door closed behind her, her gaze travelling inquiringly to the third door. Snape, following her gaze, replied with a thinning of his lips and a flare of his considerable nostrils.
'That is my room, which can be of no possible interest to you.'
Hermione stood before him for a moment, seeing his long, slender form, his thin, inflexible lips, and the deeply furrowed brow, which made him appear to be older than the thirty-eight years he'd admitted to. She knew she ought to go, but there was a question burning in her that demanded an answer.
'Do you,' she began, and his attention fastened upon her face. 'Do you think ... you could ever be ... attracted to me?'
His mouth twisted into an ugly sneer. 'Don't be ridiculous!' he spat. 'Now, get out!'
She turned and fled from him, humiliation burning in her face.
3 July, 1998
The entire situation felt like a cinema-worthy nightmare, yet even the most brutal nightmares would fade if she dragged herself out of sleep and opened her eyes. Trying that experiment now only brought her face to face with her black-eyed, implacable husband.
His jaw was darkened with the five o'clock shadow of a beard unshaved since morning, and the column of his pale throat rose above the fascinating notch of his collarbone, clearly discernible above the dusting of dark hair upon his chest...a much safer place to rest her gaze than his all-seeing eyes. How...how...could she be both riddled with embarrassment and hungrily captivated by the body of her captor?
'Well?'
The word was like a slap. Hermione moistened her dry lips and said, 'Please.'
'I have said I will do it, Hermione. There is no need to ask.'
That wasn't what she'd meant! How could he taunt her so? She tugged again to free her wrist, but he would not release her.
'Please...just let me go,' she whispered. 'Put out the candles...I'll sleep, I swear it.' Please, please just make it so that this never happened.
He did not reply, and at length, she looked at his face again.
'Are you going to tell me what you need, or will I have to work it out for myself?' he asked quietly.
'I'm sorry,' she tried, desperately wishing to find a way past his ruthless determination. 'I never meant to ... to put you to any ... trouble.' Perhaps she could appeal to his own insecurities...the ones Professor McGonagall had indicated he possessed. 'This is terribly embarrassing. Couldn't we just ... forget about it?'
He appeared to be giving her every attention as she spoke, yet his next words proved that he had not heard her at all.
'You were reaching for this,' he said, taking hold of the hem of her nightdress with his free hand, causing his knuckles to graze her upper thigh.
Her body betrayed her, and she shuddered.
'Right then,' he said, and without further discussion, he drew the bottom edge of the nightdress up to her waist, exposing her plain, white knickers. 'I believe you managed with these in place last night,' he said. 'Would you care to remove them?'
'No!' she gasped. 'No...don't!'
'Very well,' he answered. 'It would doubtless be easier if you were ... unclothed ... but keep them, if you must.'
His brows drew together as he studied the construction of her underpants, and against all reason, Hermione felt a throb of heat. Did he really mean to touch her, or was he just trying to embarrass her so comprehensively she would never want to frig herself again?
Having studied her thinly covered mound quite thoroughly, he slipped his fingers beneath the elastic about her leg, and she felt the cold of his fingertips upon the heat of her inner thigh with another rush of pure fire. As if helpless to resist the impulse, she rolled her hips slightly toward him, and in the next instant, his fingers were sliding through the slightly damp curls directly over the slit of her quim.
'It's easier when you help,' he said, and his fingers parted her labia, a shock of foreign contact, the relative coolness of his skin suddenly engulfed by her slick, sensual heat. Her head fell back onto her pillow, her eyes closing and the muscles of her inner thighs relaxing, submitting wantonly to the invading digits.
'That's right,' he murmured, but she scarcely heard him over the pounding in her ears...could that be her heart?
The knowing fingers angled more, and finding the passage further into her woman's body, they delved, drawing a gasp from her, a sound so licentious that she was driven to bite her lip to stop it. But it was difficult for her to be overly concerned now about sound when the lower half of her body completely disregarded her swiftly fading sense of decency. No, the fingers, wholly acclimated now to the heat of her quim, took full advantage of the way her legs parted to allow fuller access, and within mere seconds, it seemed, her fate was sealed.
No! her mind screamed, even as she rubbed herself blatantly against his willing fingers, driving herself blindly towards the completion she craved. No! Too soon! Make it last longer ...
The orgasm hit with the force of a thunderclap, drawing her hips up from the mattress in a final thrust against his hand, the stifled cry she uttered ripped from her lungs like a stolen breath.
The probing digits stilled, and for a moment, the only sound in the room, it seemed, was Hermione's ragged breathing.
'Are you ...?'
He seemed to flounder for words, and Hermione slitted her eyes open, peering at him. His hand was still trapped in her underpants, and as the heat of passion leached from her, the position began to seem quite ludicrous to her. Wildly, she fought the rising hilarity threatening to give voice through mad-sounding laughter.
He removed his fingers and adjusted the elastic at her leg, as if to close a door he'd found ajar. 'Are you prepared to sleep, now?' he inquired, the evenness of his tone sounding slightly strained, his gaze resting anywhere but on her face.
'Yes, thank you,' she managed. What were the proper words to acknowledge such a signal service as the one he had just provided?
He released the wrist he had held imprisoned and pulled her nightdress down again before a wave of his hand extinguished the candles.
'Good night, Hermione,' he said, rolling away from her onto his side.
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Latest 25 Reviews for Transcendent Quality of Remembrance
517 Reviews | 6.43/10 Average
It is amazing to me that a story, in which the surprises and slow unraveling of the tale are at the heart of the storytelling, can be so captivating and delightful upon re-read. Thanks for warming my cold winter morning. I hope you are well and finding success in real life writing. And thinking about finishing Owned. Shit, did I say that out loud?! Oops. :)
Oh my god. I LOVED IT!!!! I cried, laughed, sighed, gasped and smiled during this...ALOT. It was so well written. I read it all in one sitting. THAT'S HOW BRILLIANT IT WAS! Definitely one of my favorite stories and one of the best I've read. Was so good. Am so happy I stumbled upon it. Keep writing!
Oh my god. I LOVED IT!!!! I cried, laughed, sighed, gasped and smiled during this...ALOT. It was so well written. I read it all in one sitting. THAT'S HOW BRILLIANT IT WAS! Definitely one of my favorite stories and one of the best I've read. Was so good. Am so happy I stumbled upon it. Keep writing!
Dear Subversa,
I am writing to inform you that you've been nominated for the following category for the Fall-Winter 2013 Round of The HP Fanfic Fan Poll Awards (hpfanficfanpoll . livejournal . com):
SHIP: SNAPE X HERMIONE
CATEGORY: BEST DRAMA-ANGST for "Transcendent Quality of Remembrance"
You need not take any other action at this time, unless you would like to reject the nomination. In that case, please contact us and we'll remove the nomination and contact the person who nominated you to let them know your decision.
We have an "I've been nominated" banner on our website for you to post on your blogs/Tumblr/Twitter/Facebook pages right now, if you wish. The banner can be found here:
hpfanficfanpoll . livejournal . com / 20115 . html.
The nominations period ends on October 28, 2013.
The voting period will commence on November 1, 2013 and close on December 31, 2013 (that gives two full months to read and consider the nominated fics).
Our awards ceremony is open to the public to vote, and we encourage you to ask your friends/family to participate. We will tally up all votes and announce winners on or before January 10, 2014. Please check back then to see if your stories placed, or add us as a FRIEND on Livejournal so you can get emails when that list is broadcast on our blog. Banners for your nominations/placements will be available at that time, too.
Congratulations on your nomination!
Sincerely,
Melissa, The HP Fanfic Fan Poll Awards Moderator
Great Story!
Goodness, it's taken me forever to get here to review. I do most of my reading on my phone these days, and it is a real pain to type anything of substance. And this, the final chapter of this wonderful tale, and also of your fanfic career, deserves more than two lines, painfully input from my keypad.
The letter that Hermione wrote to Severus was perfect. Mostly, because she really hit the nail on the head; would Severus has acted as he did without the Lethe Elixir? I don't know how the answer to that can be anything but no. And he realizes this.
The clever man knew his wife couldn't resist picking up the pony, and good thing, too. I love that it was incorporated into the story one more time.
At the cottage, there is no drawn out angsty fight ... just them getting back to good. I love that this came back as well:
'"I believe it is customary to begin with a kiss,"
And once again they are in bed in the cottage ... the place where they seem most right. It is just like the honeymoon, only this time there is no ticking timebomb in the background, so they have the luxury of sleep.
The situation with her moving to the states and attending university couldn't have gone any better. The job Severus was given is the perfect solution for them to be together. I was afraid he might have to teach again. :) It was such a relief to me as the reader, I can only imagine how excited they are.
And the end paints such a tranquil picture. I can picture nothing but a happily ever after for them. Which is all we've ever wanted, of course.
You've wrapped things up very nicely, something I've always loved about your stories. I am sorry to see you go. This is the end of an era, if I ever saw one. But, you might as well try your hand at ofic. If you love the characters you create half as much as you do these two, and if you throw yourself into it wholeheartedly as you always have, I can't imagine a scenario in which you don't succeed. So, best of luck to you. I only ask that you keep us updated on the progress with your original work. I'm pretty LJ impaired, but perhaps I'll have to friend you to follow your progress.
I've been meaning to thank you for writing for weeks! This was such a wonderful story. The core of it - Hermione's voluntary memory loss - fueled such rich portraits of both characters. Their internal thoughts and lives were so beautifully rendered. It was a joy to read.
Also, steamy ;)
That was a beautiful, fitting ending, with all the loose ends tied up very nicely. I especially liked the part where tears may have been shed - I was crying inside with them.
Thank you so much for writing this fic and everything else you have done for the fandom. Again, all the best with your original work - it would be a shame if the world outside our little slice of fanfiction heaven don't get to enjoy your talents like we did here!
Not gonna lie, went back here today praying there was an epi or one more chapter. So hard letting go of this. Thank you for everything xo
I really loved your story, and thank you for sharing it with us all. I'm a bit of a playlist junkie too when writing, so I can understand what you mean about the songs. Anyways, I know you said you had no more plans to write, but I sincerely hope you will change your mind and that inspiration strikes soon! :)
WOW. I read this at one sitting, and am now up two hours' past bedtime, because I had to discover the next twist. I am so glad I had the patience to wait for TQoR to be completed before reading, because I think I would have gone mad waiting for updates.
Good luck with the o-fic, judging by your fanfic I'm sure it will be wonderful.
What a lovely final chapter, all tied up perfectly. Thankyou for being such an amazing writer and for sharing your stories with us, I hope you return to us in the future, we will be here waiting! I'll keep an eye on LJ for your progress, good luck with your writing! P.S You note at the beginning brought a tear to my eye, what a softie I am!!
Thank you for writing this sweet and at times heart wrenching story. I kept being impatient for her to remember, but then she did and the story ended. Careful what you wish for.....
Well written, great arc, thanks!
Oh! I forgot to thank you for the song! I've never heard of Default before. I really liked it. It's goes perfectly with the end of this story, too. Thanks for the new band.
(I don't really live under a rock or anything. I hope I'm not too lame for not knowing about someone that everyone else knows about. I just seldom listen to the radio these days with 3000 songs on the ipod in the car. Now I have one to add.)
Well, that certainly couldn't have turned out any better, could it have! I still think Severus keeping the secret is bullocks, but the cat's out of the box now, and he needed something this crazy to happen before he was going to allow himself to love and be loved. I'm glad that Hermione could see that.
Hermione is going to have to get over her issues with his dark magic past. That's part of the package. It's also part of what makes her sexy potions master so sexy. He wouldn't be who he is without that part of him. 
I could be wrong, but if I were Hermione, I don't think I could be busy enough not to miss him while he's traveling. Hopefully they'll have plenty of nights sharing their successes and making small talk over tea or a glass of wine. I'm so glad for Severus that he has not only got the girl, but he got the job of his dreams to boot. He deserved it.
Well, I will miss this story, that's for sure. I have a couple of plot bunnies to float if you ever want to get back into the SS/HG ship. I'll never be able to do what you have done with them. Thank you so much for the wonderful happy ending. I'll have to keep checking your livejournal to know what you are up to next. Kisses and hugs. Susan
Be still, my heart. When Hermione walked into the kitchen at the Cottage to find an encore of their wedding night supper I thought I'd die of joy. It was wonderful. I wanted to kiss Severus right then and there. What a fitting tribute to their marriage, their love for each other, and a balm so soothe them after all the heart ache and downright hard work they had done to reclaim what rightfully theirs.
I thought the My Little Pony Portkey was ingenious! Knowing that she wouldn't be able to resist picking it up if she saw it in his bedroom, what better way to spirit her away from the castle and to their true haven–not the one in the forest, but the honeymoon cottage with the large, squishy yellow sofa and two matching armchairs.
I wanted to cheer when Hermione saw that she had been accepted at the Salem Witches' Institute, and I'm certain they will be very happy there. They have such a rich future ahead of them, and I thank you for that. This entire story has been a joy to share with you and all the other readers.
I wish you every success and happiness, my friend. I have learned so much from you and your "fevered imagination." Getting to know you through your writing and LJ has been a rare privilege and I believe that the Transcendent Quality of Remembrance I have acquired will keep you in my thoughts and my heart forever. I hope to see you dropping by fandom every once in a while, and I will follow you on LJ just so I know what's happening in your and SubHub's lives. Hugs to all your family and a special "Beffey kiss" for the Beetle.
You ROCK! I'm looking forward to reading your ofic. A Thousand Points to Your House! (Severus said so.)
Beth
So beautiful.... after everything they've been through, their love was enough to overcome the misunderstanding and the potion's effects. What beautiful furutres you've given them - Severus as resarcher, Hermione as a student in anything she wants to learn, and traveling around the world together, unencumbered.
THANK YOU for this story. I just hope it's not your farewell to the fandom. You know that we will be eagerly watching for your o-fic career, and loving you and SubHub forever and always.
Lovely ending and tie up of all the loose ends. I'll miss your stories; you are one of my favourite authors, but I'll look forward to hearing about your new endeavours on LJ! :D
Loved this story as much as I love you Sub. You are sooooo talented!
Loves you, Sonia :)
Brava, my dear. A fitting end to a compelling tale.
That was absolutely perfect.
BRAVA - this was truly a work of which you may be proud!!! I'm sad to see it go, but it really has run its course, and I will look forward to whatever you write next. Author Alerts ROCK! :)
Much love!!
Hi Subversa,
I can hardly believe that this enchanting story is over, just as our favorite couple's lives together are only beginning. What a wonderful treat it would be to look in on them in about five years. As you and SubHub know, when it is true love, it just gets better and better. I have been with my husband almost 22 years now, but we were in our 30s when we tied the knot, so we have a ways to go to catch up with you two. I like to think Severus and Hermione will outlive us all and live happily ever after for a very long time, since they are magical folk. I suppose through the miracle of the written word, in a way they will. And you have been one of the best of many authors to give them the chance to be happy together (unlike JKR-- I will never forgive her for what she did to Severus).
This story is, as all of your other works, enchanting (did I already mention that?) and very well written. Your words weave a complex scene full of emotions and tactile experiences. I almost feel like I'm there with them, becoming one of them through your words. Beautiful. I will watch your progress in the realm of original fiction with interest. That is how Stephenie Meyer got her start. Why can't you?
Best wishes for your future as a writer. You have at least one fan in me.
I'm so happy how things ended. I'm very happy that Severus planned on going to America with Hermione. I was so worried about them resolving things, but I'm glad they did.
I'll have to remember to leave a proper review later on, but for now I just have to tell you that this ending is completely and utterly perfect.
The world of fanfiction will be poorer without you, but I wish you the best of luck in your ofic endeavours.
I have spend a nicely 26 weeks reading your beautifle story .I thank you for writting it , and I realy anjojed reading it.My friday was spend waiting for more chapter to come.I am realy sad that it and it ,but I love it from start till the and. And the and is magnificant.Realy , I fope that You plan to writt a new story ,because realy You are very good at it. My congratulations,
and my thanks for pleasure in reading .
Best regards from Lora.