7. Where Severus Makes A Decision
Chapter 7 of 13
neelix“Some choices we live not only once but a thousand times over, remembering them for the rest of our lives.”
~ Richard Bach ~
Severus
‘You should try to eat something, Hermione.’
I don’t remember seeing her quite so out of sorts, and while I’m tempted to wallow in my own pain and misery, I find worrying about her a welcome distraction. I have learned to expect the worst and be relieved when it doesn’t come to pass. It is less disappointing than hope.
‘I can’t,’ she whispers. She’s hugging the pillow to her body for comfort she can’t get from me, despite everything.
‘You need to stay strong, Hermione. Happy needs you to be,’ I plead. I need you to be.
‘Strong like you, Severus?’
Her tone is biting. So be it. If it pulls her from her maudlin pit then she can vent at me as much as she likes. I’m open to that and more than likely I deserve it for some reason or other. I don’t respond, but sit at the end of the bed and wait for the rest to follow. She doesn’t disappoint.
‘How can you sit there like everything is normal? Our daughter might die, Severus!’
‘And you expect me to behave how, exactly? Does it say how I should manage this in Hogwarts: A History, or Moste Potente Potions?’ I try hard not to rile back at her because I know she is hurting but fuck it, so am I. I just hide it well.
‘I don’t know, but you just sit there like there’s a block of ice around your heart! You didn’t let Harry in, and you only allow me what you feel you can give. I thought that Happy had thawed you, but look at you!’ She throws the pillow across the room in temper, and angry, frustrated tears course down her face.
I take a slow breath and bite my tongue. Really, she can be such a harridan when she’s in full pelt. I try not to let her words find their target, but I already know it’s too late. Cruel and cutting and yet so scarily accurate, I’m reminded how well this woman knows me. My heart, icy though it may be, aches for her pain and mine, and for everything that went before.
I feel her moving towards me, and suddenly she is curled beside me with her head on my lap, tears streaming. I can’t help but sigh. I forget that she is young still, and the responsibility of parenthood has been hard for her with no parents to turn to for support. I never felt the need. I always knew I would do a better job. I stroke her hair, as much to soothe myself as her.
‘I’m sorry, Severus. I didn’t mean it.’
‘Yes, you did. You’re always honest,’ I say with a laugh. She closes her eyes and reaches up to take my hand. I’m shocked when she presses a soft kiss to my upturned palm.
‘I’m glad you’re here,’ she says quietly.
‘Where else would I be?’
She doesn’t answer, and I realise she has fallen asleep, the result of long hours of waiting and worrying and the explosive expression of emotion. I envy her that.
I summon her thrown pillow so I can lean comfortably against the wall and dim the lights. It could be a long night. I close my eyes and find myself mentally cataloguing the day’s events, a habit I thought I’d left at Hogwarts. I feel numb, like I’m watching someone else’s life from a distance, but there are some images I can’t shake.
I fight back tears as I think about Happy. She has been at the forefront of my thoughts, my only child. I went into her room and gathered the things I thought she might want during her recovery. I did it mechanically, trying to ignore her unmade bed and the books on her bedside table. Underwear, t-shirts, her favourite skirt and the pair of Muggle jeans that she refused to take off for a week at Christmas. I was holding it together until I went to grab her bloody rabbit. Dammit. I take a shuddering breath and wipe away the tears swiftly. I don’t want Hermione to see me like this.
I was still struggling when I stepped back into Potter’s office, and the look of concern on his face made me immediately long for the time before. The feeling of being held by someone who cares deeply about you should be bottled for use in such emergencies. Although he’s older, he’s still impulsive, still pushes the accepted boundaries of our relationship, such as it is. There is part of me that is heartened by his boldness, but it only serves to remind me that I could have kept it for myself.
Somewhere deep down, I am aware that reality as we all know it is changing. My life started out on shaky foundations as it is. Now, I fear I am losing everyone. I close my eyes in a bid to stop myself thinking and mentally list the contents of my potions lab.
When I reach Ashwinder eggs I stop and wonder if all of my decisions were foolish ones.
***
We are roused by a loud knock on the door, and Hermione sits up awkwardly. I ignore the sudden rush of blood to my numb thighs and walk swiftly. It is Potter, as I expected. I stand aside to let him in and resist the urge to laugh as he notices the bed has not been slept in and that Hermione, although a tad dishevelled, is still dressed. Did he imagine we would use the room as a hotel suite, a perfect opportunity for a romantic interlude in our busy lives? The look of confusion is still pasted to his face when he looks at me, and I can guess at the unanswered questions he wishes to lay before me.
Hermione doesn’t give us time for further wordless conversation. ‘Harry, please tell me that Happy is okay.’ She stands, pale and thin, wringing her hands. I go to her, hoping my closeness will bring her some comfort, but the gap between us remains.
‘Happy needs an operation. There is bleeding, causing her brain to swell. We have to reduce that quickly and stop the bleed.’ His words are delivered staccato, like he’s struggling to get them out.
‘Who will do the procedure?’ I immediately wish I could do it myself and berate my history as Potions master and teacher. If I were a surgeon…
‘Mr. Armitage. He’s our best man; I trust him completely. I’ve volunteered to assist.’
‘You’ve done this before?’ I can feel Hermione’s glare, but I choose to ignore it.
‘You can trust me, Severus.’ He takes a small step closer, his eyes sincere, urgent. I see what he’s really saying, but it cannot happen here, now, when I have my child to think of.
‘Severus.’ Hermione sounds like she’s far away, and I can’t seem to focus on her voice until she shakes my arm firmly.
‘Yes?’ I’m aware my own voice is faint. My mouth has gone dry from the sheer will of staying silent.
‘Remove the Vow, Severus. Now, just do it. Make it easier on yourself,’ she says. I can hear the pleading tone and the words she doesn’t say. Make it easier on me.
‘Will you stay?’ I reply. I couldn’t bear it if she left, taking Happy with her.
‘Of course. It’s our home. Nothing has to change, unless you want it to.’
I’m still staring at Harry, who is looking bewildered and confused and very much like he did at eleven years old. He’s still so much younger than I want him to be, but wizard or no; I have no control over that. But I want things to change. My eyes flick to his mouth, and the memory of that firm lower lip, and the curve of his smile, assault my senses like a dagger to the heart.
I withdraw my wand, and he flinches, stepping backwards. I feel Hermione sigh in relief.
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Latest 25 Reviews for Making Happy
80 Reviews | 6.75/10 Average
So good to read this again.
Seriously lovely.
Yay for happy endings! You have done a fantastic job with this, Neelix. Really, it was beautiful from start to finish. I think this ended perfectly where it did, but I would be lying if I said I wouldn't be thrilled to see little glimpses of the future here and there. I like the conversation between mother and daughter on the train. It would be totally unrealistic if Harriet didn't have some reservations about how her peers would accept this unconventional family. It isn't the norm, and kids are cruel. Still, you make the point that different is not equivalent to bad. She just has extra people to love her is all. Regardless of her nerves about what people will think, I have no doubt that she knows deep down how very special she is and how very much she is loved.I don't think she will get too much grief about her parentage. Having three of the most instrumental folks in wizarding history as your family has got to count for something, right?I really, really love Harry's confidence in their relationship. He could feel nervous due to lack of verbal confirmation on Severus' part, and yet he seems to just know that this is right and that it will work between them for always.I hope the writing of this tale lifted your spirits a bit. I know reading it did for me. Thanks so much for sharing such a great story!
Response from neelix (Author of Making Happy)
thank you so much for your positive response to this. I'm really pleased with the way it was recieved, and yes, I did really get a boost from wiritng it!There will be new one-shots intermittently I think, firstly from Severus' POV. I'm still off work but I hope to go back soon . I miss the craic, to be honest!
So glad to see them together at the end. I really liked your story telling from each person's point of view. As someone else said, Snape's point of view on the bonding would be lovely to see.Well done.
Response from neelix (Author of Making Happy)
Thank yu so much for reading. I intend to do a few one-shots to go with this, i think.
This was fantastic. Although not my usual pairing preference, the characterizations were outstanding. I agree with the request for a sequel. Very interesting to see how they balance the alternative family and how the kids handle it. It is always fun to see the true potential of a kid with parents such as Hermione and Severus too! Thanks for writing!
Response from neelix (Author of Making Happy)
Thank you so much - I seem to have convinced a few people about the pairing!
Well now everything is sorted and in its proper space. Nicely done you!
Response from neelix (Author of Making Happy)
Thankyou! I had a lot of fun with this x
Well, my dear, this simply BEGS for a sequel !! Snarry is generally not my thing so much, but this tale was written with such sensitivity and plausability of character that I was ensnared. Fine work !!
Response from neelix (Author of Making Happy)
Wow. Thank you for that! perhaps I will do some one-shots to go along with this. A sequel would need further plot, and not their bonded there's no where to go!
AWWWWWWWWWWW! This is perfect ending. Maybe one day you'll write about Severus' feelings for this evening. I would have loved to see his face when he discovered the box in his plate. And his emotions while Harry paased the ring on his fingers should be interesting to know. Please?
Response from neelix (Author of Making Happy)
I might do a special one-shot just for you from Severus POV :) Thanks for reading xx
Response from snitchette (Reviewer)
*squeeeee* THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!
Awww ... this was nice. One thing that I have really enjoyed about this story is that there is conflict at the proper times, but it is quickly resolved. Not that I don't enjoy long drawn out angst and such, but that is not what this story is ultimately about. I think the cat is out of the bag as far as any secrets between them, so all that is left to do is pursue this relationship. Something that I needed to convince me that this pairing can work is a mature Harry. I'm ok with SS/HG where she is young, but for some reason it is hard for me to stomach a young, inexperienced, immature Harry with Snape. No worries with this version of Harry; he is perfect.Hermione is going to be absolutely delighted by this latest development. Happy probably will be as well. I don't see that there is anywhere to go now, except towards a happy ending -- no pun intended :)
Response from neelix (Author of Making Happy)
Thank you honey - sorry I'm so late in replying, I've been off radar for a little while.Thanks for reading x
Well, from Harry's perspective, Hermione has given him a lot to think about. From my perspective, what the hell is he waiting for? Go to Severus now and tell him how you feel. Geez, men.I love the interaction between Severus and Happy. I can see why he was worried about Hermione taking her away as he clearly loves her dearly.Severus and Hermione have taken an awkward situation and made it even worse in the interest of protecting Harry and Happy. I hope they can make things right for all parties involved.I will be interested to know how Happy came about. I thought in the beginning that Harry and Severus were a couple and wanted a child and Hermione volunteered to help, but then somehow things went belly up and he and she ended up staying together. Then I thought that maybe Severus and Harry were a couple, but because of maybe lots of alcohol and some bad choices, they ended up sleeping together-just this one time- and Happy was the good and bad outcome. Guess I will wait and see.On a personal side note, Harry and Happy are two of the Hippos in the game Hungry, Hungry, Hippos which my son has just recently discovered. I've thought about you each and every one of the ten thousand times we have played over the last week :)
Response from neelix (Author of Making Happy)
Ahh yes, Hungry Hungry Hippos - this is the bane of Severus' life in Hilltop Cottage, the devil's own entertainment! lol!!More comes clear in the next couple of chapters, and as you say, Harry is never backward about coming forward so...
Response from HBAR (Reviewer)
I knew if anyone would understand my pain, it would be you and Severus!
At last! Harry knows the truth. Whew thats a releif. ((bounces)) Severus ought to duck if knows whats good for him. I expect he is going to get a good shouting at by med witch Potter. Hee
Response from neelix (Author of Making Happy)
lol... I think there may be some strong words, you're right. Harry is like a dog with a bone really!
Hooray! You had me genuinely worried about Happy there. I have a very hard time picturing Hermione with Rosemerta, but then Ginny was taken and Lavender was REALLY not her type, so who knows? I guess the wizarding world figured out Artificial Insemination, though chances are they don't do it with a glorified turkey baster. ... well, maybe they do. Why use magic when simple Muggle methods work just as well? It's no use guessing- I'm pleasantly surprised every time.
Response from neelix (Author of Making Happy)
Well. I'm glad I was able to make you feel something. Next chapter wont be long. Thanks for reading.
I can't wait to hear Severus' story about the conception of Happy. Because honestly I thougt it involved a lot of alcohool followed by a pityful performance and a great headache afterwards, maybe regrets too.
Response from neelix (Author of Making Happy)
That would have been a fun scenario to write, actually, but no, not like that. I won't keep you waiting for much longer.
... as I Floo home, I’m feeling more confused than I was before.*pats Harry on the back* "Me too buddy, me too."Where, may I ask, is my explanation of this vow? Hmmm? I'd sic Severus on you, but I'll be damned if he isn't soft and squishy around the edges in this tale. And if that sounds like a negative comment, it isn't. I love your Severus. He retains his hard exterior, biting words, inherent insecurities ... all of the things that make him who he is. But when he is with Hermione, or Happy, or now Harry, he softens a little and that makes a hard-to-love man loveable.You may very well be able to take credit after so many before you have failed, to turn me into a Snarry fan. I'll hold out until the end to decide, though. No pressure, really.
Response from neelix (Author of Making Happy)
Thank you for reading, even if Snarry isn't your thing. I warn you now there will be sex coming up. I'll do my best to make it believable so that you don't feel the need to avert your eyes!Severus is a bit softer in this story. He's a different man, I think, and having Happy changed him beyond his own imagination. I'm sure that he's looked back on his own childhood and decided to be a different sort of parent.I have to be honest, I have struggled with the last couple of chapters. Hopefully the next one will be easier.
Response from HBAR (Reviewer)
I warn you now there will be sex coming up. I'll do my best to make it believable so that you don't feel the need to avert your eyes!You've found my issue with these two. There can be a ton of sex, or none at all ... I just always have a hard time with a relationship between these two feeling believable. I'm liking them so far, even though their interactions have been repressed. Fear not, I have absolute faith in you to make this work.
Response from neelix (Author of Making Happy)
No pressure then. That's good!lol... I'm on chapter 10, sex will be in 11 I'm thinking. Wish us luck (thats me, Severus and of course, Harry... bwahahahaha!!!!)
AAaarrgh! I thought we might find out about the Vow in this chapter!! Well, I am glad that Happy is alright, anyway. Both Hermione and Severus will be able to face anything that happens now. Severus seems to be a great father so why he should have worried about Hermione taking her away, I don't know. Still insecure that everyone he loves will die/run away I suppose and whatever he Vow is, I don't think it has helped him to grow emotionally. Though I think having a daughter has, so perhaps he's ready to jump into the deep end with Harry. *Crosses fingers!*
Response from neelix (Author of Making Happy)
I think you're right about Severus and his insecurities. He has been abandoned by everyone he's ever cared about.The Vow isn't that exciting, really! lol... I think everyone will be majorly disappointed.
I'm so relieved Happy's well. I don't believe Severus would have ever recovered from her death, even with Harry's love to support him.
Response from neelix (Author of Making Happy)
I think you're right,
Response from neelix (Author of Making Happy)
. Onwards...
Thanks for not killing Happy off. Okay I really didnt think you would, but I was nervous for a bit. The vow is lifted, the child is recovering seems to me its time for the adults to have a discussion. Drum roll please for the next chapter!
Response from neelix (Author of Making Happy)
lol... Next chapter is on it's way. Thanks for reading x
Well it is about time. I've been wondering about all of this vow business; the what and the why of it all. I certainly hope that this means the next chapter gives more insight into it all. Knowing you and your wily ways, the next chapter will probably be from Happy's POV, and will take place while she is under for surgery so will just be a blank page, LOL. Ok. you're not that bad. Still, don't make us wait too long for more, pretty please.
Response from neelix (Author of Making Happy)
Dont panic - Chapter 8 is with my beta ARo so you won't have to wait long - I really wish I had done a blank Happy POV, lol!!! I'm not that clever!I hope the reveal makes sense to everyone... *doubting self*
Oh, my gods..... what..... what...... ????!!!!
Response from neelix (Author of Making Happy)
you need to refer back to Chapter 1! lol...
I can't believe I just tore right through the first chapters. I need another fix immediately! * taps foot* Lol, actually this is REALLY excellent. I'm quite enjoying it. Dare I surmise that...well no I won't. I'll let myself be surprised.
Response from neelix (Author of Making Happy)
Thank you so much. next chapter is WIP but shouldn't be long x
Oh WOW he removed the vow ! I want the next chapter immediately!!! You are so evil to withhold it! This was just heartbreaking watching both Hermione and SEverus suffer so. Poor Happy.
Response from neelix (Author of Making Happy)
It's carnage, I agree. It has to be. You have to break a few eggs... :)
What??? Oh my. *aughhhh...I have fallen.* Off the cliff I go.*giggle* Let's just say I am enjoying this immensely, and am looking forward to your next thrilling post.Thank you again for sharing~
Response from neelix (Author of Making Happy)
Response from neelix (Author of Making Happy)
I hope this means you enjoyed the chapter. lol! next update wont be as long, i promise.
YOU are a very bad author!!! What's this vow (un unbreakable one?) that he made. To what purpose? YOu better update quickly *stare menacingly at you*
Response from neelix (Author of Making Happy)
hehe... *cackles evilly* *makes you wait*
What a delicious diner they had. I'm jealous. *wink*
Response from neelix (Author of Making Happy)
I think I preferred the dessert! Thanks for reading x
I LOVE this chapter!! ANd considering thess two sentences "I’ve never seen him look so bloody edible in my life, and my mouth goes dry.""I feel an urge to lick the exposed flesh"I'm wondering what, precisely, thay are going to eat for diner...
Response from neelix (Author of Making Happy)
Haha... With Severus in the house there's only one thing on the menu ;)
Thanks for reading :)