Trail of Despair

Disclaimer: I'm just playing with characters that J.K.R. created and am getting no Galleons for it.

I'd like to thank my beta for this tale, CocoaChristy.

This is an answer to the Yahoo! Group Potter_Place's How It Could Be Christmas Challenge that was issued by me, Southern Witch 69, and GinnyW.

"Who is that woman?" Granger asked, clearly amused.

"I have no idea," he said, leaning forward and squinting as if it would help him recognize the woman next to his counterpart in the portrait.

Severus had only been in the pub for a few minutes when the woman currently tugging at his arm had approached him. He was quite suspicious, but it had been a long time since he'd had female company. He accepted her chattering, only nodded in agreement now and then while trying to appear interested.

Severus put a few more coins on the bar and led the woman to the stairwell, pausing to begin snogging heatedly as they made their way up.

He looked over to Granger, and his smug smile immediately faded. "What are you laughing at?" he asked suspiciously.

"That didn't take long," she said in an annoying manner.

"I assure you that my stamina surpasses anything Weasley or Potter could muster," he retorted indignantly. "If you will look to the screen, you can see that I've not even yet commenced my activities."

"No, I mean that it didn't take long for you to agree to shag her." She shrugged. "She could have a disease or be some Polyjuiced ex-Death Eater hater looking for revenge."

"Or she could simply be a woman with a wild streak that is looking for a tumble," he said evenly, enjoying the sudden blush that surfaced on her face. "Besides," he said, leaning closer, "our magic doesn't allow us to have such problems with diseases. That's for Muggles to worry on."

"But it still could be someone out to hurt you!" she insisted.

"Why, I didn't know you cared," he said blandly as he put a hand on his chest and looked back at the screen.

"Of course I don't," she replied, nudging him with her elbow as her eyes moved back to the screen. "Why are you playing with her shoes? Is there something you'd like to tell me?"

"I do NOT have a foot fetish!" he blurted, face heating.

"Didn't say you did," she replied, disbelief evident in her voice. She lifted a foot to gaze at her boot curiously.

"Granger, if you..."

"Hermione," she interrupted. When he narrowed his eyes, she said, "Continue."

"Very well," he said with a nod. "Hermione, I would appreciate it if you would stop insinuating things."

"Fine. Oh..."

When he saw her eyes widen, he quickly looked back at the screen.

It had been far too long. All thoughts of foreplay quickly fled when he noticed how enticingly hot Austrina was for him. They fell to the bed in a tangle with him emerging on top. As his lips ravaged her throat, he pushed off his underpants to join his boots and robes upon the floor. Her knickers soon followed.

Bracing himself with his hands against the headboard after he'd moved her legs up over his shoulders, he easily slid into her welcoming body, moaning as he did so.

Severus looked at Hermione. "Are you all right?" he asked, feigning concern and enjoying her astonished expression.

She tore her gaze away from the portrait, yet she didn't look at him directly. "I feel as if I'm watching... pornography with my ex-Potions master. It's a bit odd, especially with you being the actor."

"Is that how you see it? See me?" he asked curiously. For some reason, he wanted her to see him as simply a man, not just a past acquaintance.

Her eyes lifted and met his. "Did you not think the same when you saw me... with Harry or Ron?"

"That I was watching pornography with my ex-Potions master?" he teased. "Never crossed my mind. Sorry."

"Urh! You are an annoying man! You know perfectly well what I mean!" she huffed, jabbing his chest with a finger.

He looked down at her finger for a moment. "I saw a woman giving herself to unappreciative and unworthy men," he answered finally.

"Oh," she said, seemingly speechless. When her mouth opened again to say something else, the woman in the portrait began to echo her word of surprise.

"Oh... OH... oh... OH!"

Hermione began laughing. "Someone's happy."

"Indeed," he said, allowing a chuckle. He gazed at her as she pretended to pick nonexistent lint from her robes. She was quite fetching, especially after spending a little time with her. She was able to mock him without being too snide or hurtful, and she seemed honest in all of her statements. It had been a long time since he'd dared to have a friend. Only Lucius was his friend, but that friendship seemed to have a price. He was simply waiting to find out what that might be. "It's safe to look now. They are finished."

"I wasn't avoiding it." She blushed again. "Well, sort of. I mean... It's not that I didn't want to look. I just didn't want you to look at me while I looked." She snickered. "Did that even make sense?"

He nodded. "I understand what you mean. Yes."

Bringing Austrina to the cusp of reality and back more than once made Severus feel good. It had been far too long, and he was quite pleased that even though he was mostly seen as a stigma in society, one woman still sought him out. He sat at the bar again, thinking of the woman sleeping in the bed upstairs. Perhaps he should go back and wake her for another round.

Severus wanted to say many things, but he chose not to do so. Lucius had likely paid his way out of Azkaban, and for that, he owed him a boon. Being free was much more important to him than having his ego bruised. What do I care if the woman was paid? It's not like I didn't get anything out of it, and I didn't want anything else. Eyeing his friend, he asked, "And what has forced you into such a giving spirit?"

"All right," Severus agreed, rising. It was then that he noticed Austrina's return to the room. He glared at her for a moment and saw her wince. It seemed that she wanted to say something to him, but he Disapparated to Malfoy Manor before she could do so.

"Ouch," Hermione commented. "I imagine you felt humiliated."

"Yes, so I was," he admitted in displeasure. "Tell me, Hermione. Does it make you feel good to always...no, to think that you always...know everything? Perhaps you should learn to keep your mouth shut! Some of us don't want to hear what your opinion is."

"Snape... Severus, I wasn't trying to..."

"I didn't give you leave to call me by my given name," he interrupted.

"You saw my naked body, and I saw yours, though the means were unconventional. I think that constitutes the ability to call you whatever the hell I want to." She scowled at him. "Right now the name I choose to call you is arsehole."

"Get on with it, girl," he said. "What have you to say? Be done with it!"

"You don't have to take your frustration out on me! I wasn't the one who was paid to shag you!" she retorted. "I only meant to commiserate with you." She jerked her thumb towards the portrait. "We are both being made to look like fools here. You are not alone."

He gazed at her through narrowed eyes. She made perfect sense, and he knew that he was being a tad harsh. However, he didn't like the kinship he was feeling with her, and he wanted to put a wedge between them. When they finally parted ways, he would feel no pang of loss that way.

"If you say so," he allowed, turning to face the portrait. "What the...?"

Severus sat in the back row at Poppy Pomfrey's memorial service. He hadn't seen her in years, but he still wanted to pay his last respects to her. As he gazed down towards her body, he tuned out what the current speaker was saying, opting to remember the different chidings or offerings of advice and friendship she'd given him in the past when he'd worked with her.

Severus nodded and watched as she slipped into the crowd of people leaving. Before he Disapparated, he spotted a teary-eyed Hermione Granger being guided away by Oliver Wood. Well, at least she didn't end up with Potter or Weasley. Wood was a fair student, he thought.

"He's still bitter," Hermione said softly, trying to explain Harry's actions.

Severus snorted. "Everyone is."

"That will change eventually. We know that you were... forced."

"But it still doesn't change what happened," he pointed out, holding a hand up. "So be it. I prefer things this way." Even as he said it, he longed to speak at length with Minerva once again. He wouldn't mind going to the library and finding out Irma's thoughts on the latest editions of certain books and magazines. Though she was a right bossy woman, she was easy to talk to as an intellectual, and on some level, she reminded him of his mother. Shaking away those thoughts, he shrugged. "Sometimes isolation is better."

"May I ask you a question?"

"A second question, or was that the one?"

Growling slightly, she said, through clenched teeth, "I'd like to know how you are surviving. Where do you work?"

He felt that he could confide in her. "I write."

Hermione's eyes lit up. "Really? On Potions?"

"Some, but there are other things that interest me," he said casually.

"I had no idea. I've not ever seen your name on anything, and I do buy many books."

"Seeing as I don't use my true name, I doubt you would have known," he said blandly.

"But you're brilliant! Why hide behind a pseudonym?"

He raised an eyebrow and asked incredulously, "You dare to wonder why?"

"Right," she said, flushing guiltily. "I apologize. I'd forgotten."

"Interesting. It seems you may be the only one that has." He watched as she nodded sadly and turned her attention back to the portrait. When he turned back, he saw the twinkling-eyed fool was watching them, smiling as he did so.

"Don't mind me," he said cheekily.

Severus stood and strode closer to the portrait. "Are you quite finished with embarrassing us?"

"There is still more you need to see, Severus. This could be what happens to you if you continue to follow your current path," the man said wisely.

"Who are you?" Severus asked, noticing Hermione at his side.

"One who cares."

Hermione said, "If you care, then why go about it this way? I would have liked to be talked to privately. Now, someone has witnessed me at my worst. I don't like it."

"Nor do I," Severus agreed.

"There are reasons that the two of you are sharing this viewing. Continue watching."

Rosmerta smiled. "Severus, you are always welcome here. I don't care what anyone says. You know that."

"All right," she said, smiling as she patted his hand. She swayed her hips as she sauntered off to her backroom. Severus nearly followed her.

"Ron used to fancy her, too," Hermione said.

"I've never fancied Bess." He nodded as if to back up the truth of his statement. "I shared a few drinks with her in the past, but so has a large number of the Wizarding population."

"Well, Rosmerta seemed interested," she persisted.

Severus snorted. "She was likely put under the Imperio by Malfoy."

Laughing heartily, Hermione nodded. "Wouldn't be the first time!"

Instead of assaulting her with a harsh comment, he found himself laughing along with her. When he finally stopped, he took one look at her attempts to reign in her laughter and started up again. "Enough," he finally said.

They had moved quite close together, and she was looking up at him, bright eyes gazing into his. His head moved down closer as his eyes darted to her lips. Breathlessly, she said, "I'm certain that there are women out there who would find you attractive without being coerced in any manner, Severus."

As she inched closer, licking her lips slightly, he realized that he was about to kiss her. He couldn't allow it. Stepping back abruptly, he broke the spell and feigned interest in the portrait. "What the hell is this?" He gestured in the direction of the canvas. It worked. She simply blinked and turned away.

He opened his eyes to watch Rosmerta as she dressed. "It's still early," he commented.

"I'll Floo first to make sure you're in," she added.

Severus didn't know what to say. The woman seemed to be truly interested in him. How exactly did he feel about that? Could she be someone whom he could share a normal life with? He sneered at the thought. Of course not. I only have myself to look out for. I don't need any attachments.

His eyes drifted over to Hermione. She seemed upset by the display. He knew it was only a matter of time before she would give her assessment of the situation. "Go on," he said. "I know you're dying to say something."

"Well, now that you mention it," she began, brow furrowed, "you did seem to be pushing her away on purpose! It almost seemed as if you wanted her to stay, but you were afraid to admit it."

"Absurd!" he said. "It was clear that she was imposing and trying to persuade me to let her stay."

"She obviously cares about you. Look!" She pointed to the portrait.

Sure enough, it depicted Bess with him again at his home. They were sharing dinner...her trying to hold a conversation and he trying to read a book, uninterested. Suddenly, she began to cry, threw her napkin into her plate, and Disapparated without saying a word. His counterpart sighed, placed the book aside, and continued eating forlornly.

"Severus, you should never turn away love...in any form."

"You always seem to have, ah, faultless advice. I shall endeavor to remember it if Bess or any other woman should openly give it," he said snidely, moving back to the settee to sit down.

Hermione promptly followed him, sitting roughly beside him. "In my scenes, I wanted love so badly, but nobody would truly give it to me. Here you are... just casting it aside." She shook her head. "It's just so wrong."

"Is that what you are looking for now?" he asked, tilting his head to look at her closely.

"I don't know," she admitted. "I haven't thought about it. I just wanted to do my work, to research, and to begin a project that would help people." She smiled ruefully. "I am very lonely at times. When that gets to be too much, I usually invite Ron over."

"And now?"

"What we saw earlier... That will never happen. It's too destructive... and wrong."

"What were you looking for when you asked me for a cup of coffee?"

"A conversation."

"And to dinner?"

"I didn't ask you to dinner," she said. "You more or less told me to bugger off before I could."

"But what did you really want?"

"A friend."

"Perhaps you have found one, Miss Granger," he said silkily.

"Hermione."

"Yes, Hermione," he said, emphasizing each syllable in a tone not much higher than a whisper.

A cough from the portrait pulled their close forms apart, halting any kiss that might have taken place.

A few grey hairs gleamed brightly from the light's reflection on Severus' black locks as he held his head in his hands. He was not crying. No, men normally didn't cry. They tried to keep their feelings locked away, tried to be strong. He hadn't cried since he was a boy, and he wasn't about to start. He simply needed extra help in masking his shock. She wanted to leave him. He'd always known that she would.

"Our association." She shook her head and sighed in exasperation. "Our association?"

Gently, he caressed the tomb. "Rest in peace, my friend."

Severus didn't speak for a long time, and fortunately, Hermione knew to remain silent. They watched as scene after scene showed how Severus slowly stopped writing, not having the urge, and slowly began neglecting his person and the home that he'd finally refurbished. The only person who would occasionally call upon him was Lucius, although Minerva did send letters now and again.

It seemed that losing the woman had been hard on him. He scoffed internally. Impossible. I would never simply wither away because I lost someone who warmed my bed! Even as he thought that, part of him knew that she'd been more than that to him.

Lucius looked around, strode to the nearest bookshelf and passed a gloved finger along its rim. He tsked in disapproval. "Don't you clean?" he asked haughtily. "This place continues to fall apart each time I come." He sneered as he looked at the ceiling. "Muggles! They can't build anything to last, can they?"

"You have a theory that includes something with a potion?" He laughed loudly.

"I cannot accept such charity."

"Excellent."

"That bloody arsehole! He's going to take my life's work and turn it about to use it for..." Hermione's voice trailed off. "And apparently, I'm just allowing him." She shook her head. "Surely I wouldn't shag him!"

"He's quite a smooth talker," Severus said, wondering if he would possibly turn out so lonely and bitter. He'd known he'd be alone for his life, but he never thought he'd end up being so desolate. "Always has been. He used to be one of the main recruiters for the Dark Lord. The picture he presented was a lovely one."

"Severus, promise me that you won't allow that to happen to you," Hermione said, suddenly full of emotion. "Nobody should have to live that way. If you have a chance to be with someone, take it."

"What of you?"

"My life will not be anything like that!" she replied vehemently.

"I am glad," he said quietly. There were so many things that he wanted to say, but he dared not. He turned to the portrait again. "Old man," he called. "Enough of your tricks! End this immediately."

"Very well," the shopkeeper in the portrait said. "I shall end your scenes, Severus."

"Finally!" Snape said. "Remove your barrier so that we can be free of you and your meddling."

"Yes, of course," the man said. "It did me well to see you both again. I can only hope that you will take what you saw here and make certain that your lives never lead in that direction."

"Definitely not," Hermione said. The portrait went blank, as it had been when they first found it. "Oh, we didn't even get to say goodbye or find out the truth about his identity."

Severus walked forward and said, "The barrier is gone." He turned round to face her. "I guess we should be leaving."

"I guess so."

"I'll still see you home if you'd like," he offered. "For certain, you shouldn't be wandering about Knockturn Alley alone."

Hermione nodded and moved to stand beside him. "Well, at least we've learned one thing through all of this."

"And that is?"

She giggled, leaned closer, and whispered, "Your breasts are quite nonexistent. You do need a bit of development."

Severus threw his head back and laughed heartily. "Whatever I thought you might say, Hermione, it wasn't that."

"Oh, pardon me," the old man's voice said from behind. They spun around and faced the portrait again. "There was something else that I wanted to show you." He grinned sheepishly. "If you don't have anything pressing to attend to, you might want to take a look."

"I don't think I could put up with any more of this foolishness," Severus said. "It's bad enough that your tales are going to make us suspicious about every move we make in the future."

Hermione smiled. "I'd like to see."

"Oh, of course," Severus said. He pitched his voice to mimic hers. "I'd like to see." He shook his head. "Haven't you seen enough?"

She shrugged. "What are a few more minutes? You can go on. I'll Disapparate when I'm done."

The portrait's nosey occupant interrupted. "I can only show the two of you together."

Resignedly, Severus said, "Oh, very well." He took Hermione's hand and led her back to their settee. "Carry on."

"Excellent," the shopkeeper said jovially, settling down in his chair. "This is how it could be if the two of you decide to stay together... as a couple."

Severus was about to give the meddler a scathing remark, but he felt Hermione squeeze his hand. He'd not released hers yet since they'd sat down. He lowered his head to look at their interlaced fingers and felt his palm dampen as his nervousness made itself known. Moving his thumb lightly, he caressed the side of her hand. She responded by doing the same. When he looked up at her and saw her welcoming smile, he leaned closer and gently pressed his lips to hers.

Southern's Notes: There is one chapter left. We'll finally get to see them together and their reaction to it. Hope you continue to enjoy. I'll post that tomorrow at some point. Cheers!

Christy's Notes: How sad! He thinks he deserves to be alone. I cannot wait for the next chapter! Still love the bantering!