Goodbyes

A/N:

Thanks as always to my wonderful beta and Britpicker, RedSkyAtNight.

She had known all along that it could not last.

After all, it was not her story. This wild joy she had found with Snape was only a footnote to the real story, which was about things much grander than either of them: Good and Evil and the Fate of the World.

She had known this from the first day, when she understood that she was to love him, but not why. She was like an ant, toiling to move the grains of sand that were its portion, neither having nor needing any understanding of the master plan. From the beginning she had known that she was there to play her small part, and that fortune cared little whether she would survive that monumental drama, and even less whether she would be able to snatch some small measure of happiness along the way.

She knew these things, but knowing them brought her neither peace nor satisfaction.

Still, she had hoped, because that is what human beings do. And not without foundation, because there was good news from time to time: Sirius and Dumbledore between them had managed to find and destroy the rest of the Horcruxes, and Nymphadora Tonks had led a brilliant sortie that had finally put paid to the serpent Nagini.

Now only Voldemort remained, and Rawa knew he could not have forgotten her. She had lived her time with Snape like the gift it was, and she had had four months, two weeks, and three days of it when the summons finally came, as she had known it must.

He had sent for both of them. Snape had not seen Voldemort since the wedding, and it was to be expected—given his parting instruction—that news of the marriage would have angered him greatly. She was sure the summons would have come earlier had he not been so preoccupied with the Order’s continued erosion of his resources. But the more ground he lost, the more he would need the infusion of strength she had let him think he could take from her. So come it must, and one afternoon in October, it did.

To her shock, Snape immediately wanted to send her as far away as possible.

“Go home to Ecuador,” he said shortly. “You can go to ground there among your people, and he will never find you.”

“And you?” she asked, stunned.

“I will go and see him and make the best of it.”

“But he will kill you!” she cried.

“Quite possibly. But he is not invincible, you know, nor am I without skills. There is always a chance I could prevail.”

A chance. Her gut twisted.

“We can go together,” she said. “I might be able to Shield us both.”

“No!” he said. “You will not go. Don’t speak of it again.” And she knew that he was right, but not for the reasons he thought.

“Severus,” she pleaded. “I am begging you. Do not do this.”

“What would you have me do? I cannot hide from him. We are bound—” he pulled back his left sleeve “—by this. Anywhere I go, he can find me. Best to confront him on my terms if I possibly can.”

She was weeping uncontrollably now. “He will kill you,” she repeated. “He will kill you, and then how will I go on living?”

“Do you have so little faith in my skill?”

“This is not about faith, or skill. It is about the most powerful evil in the world.”

“Yes,” he said, and came and put his arms around her. “But you do see that I have no choice, don’t you?”

He leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips. She pulled him to her, kissing him with a fierce, desperate hunger, and then suddenly she knew what she must do.

“Severus,” she said, pulling away, “I can help you.”

“What will help me is knowing you are far away, where the Dark Lord cannot reach you.”

“No, no!” she said, excited. “I can Kiss you!”

He smiled gently. “You can indeed. Let’s have a bit more of that before I leave, shall we?”

“No,” she said impatiently. “Chravu’un, the Kiss! I can send my skills with you! The Shield charms, that you were too old to learn properly, I can lend them to you!”

He looked steadily at her. “Is that safe?”

“Yes,” she lied.

“You are lying.”

Damn him. “I will make it as safe as I can. And if you do not let me do it, I will come with you, I will follow you, you cannot stop me.”

“Do not test me.”

“Severus, look at me. I cannot live without you. I cannot. If Voldemort kills you, they will bury me too.”

He was quiet for a long time. Then he said, “Tell me what to do.”

They were in his bedroom, and she pulled back the covers on the bed. “Leave me here,” she said. “Put me in the bed, and cover me with every blanket you have, and make the room warm before you go. I will be very cold.”

He swallowed. “I meant, for the Kiss itself.”

“I can take care of that. You need only to relax and be willing.” She hesitated. “There is one thing. Once it is happening, you will feel a great rush of power and intense pleasure. The more of me pours into you, the more control you will have over the process and the less I will have. Do you understand?”

He nodded.

“There will come a point where you feel my body slacken, when I will no longer be able to stand on my own. When this happens, you must stop. You must break away from me immediately.”

“All right.”

“Severus, listen. You will not want to stop. It is like sex, you will want more than anything in the world to go on, to finish, to have it all . . . and you must not. You must leave enough of me behind to sustain life in my body until you return.”

“I understand. How long will I have, once the thing is done?”

“More than a day is dangerous.”

“What if I am . . . what if I don’t come back?”

“I will not speak of that,” she said firmly. “Now, are you ready?”

“Wait. You haven’t told me how to reverse this if . . . when the time comes.”

“I do not need to. You will know, because my knowledge will be in you.”

“Oh. Right.”

“So, ready?”

“Almost. Rawa?”

“What?”

“These past few months . . . I've been happy. I love you.”

She was crying again. “I love you, too.”

She took his face in her hands. “Te entrego lo mío,” she said, and kissed him full on the lips.