Chapter 3

Thursday, June 6th

Craig Mhor

"This isn't exactly what I envisioned when you proposed this..." Josie waved her arm at the building in front of them, "place."

"Why? What's wrong with it?"

"It's so... well... huge. When you said it was a cottage, I pictured something... cottage-like. This is not cottage-like. It's humungous. It's nearing castle proportions. There's no way Alice and I could live in something like this."

"It's wonderful, Mummy," Alice whispered in an awed voice.

"Trust me," Hermione laughed, "this is no castle."

"It's not funny, Hermione. I can't even begin to imagine the sort of upkeep this place might take."

"Good thing you're not responsible for its upkeep, then."

"I'm so glad you find this amusing."

"I honestly don't know what the problem is, Josie. So it's a little bigger than you anticipated. That doesn't change the fact that you need a place to move into."

"Mummy, can we go inside?" Alice asked, tugging on Josie's hand. "Please?"

"You've got to admit, it is overwhelming," Josie threw over her shoulder at Hermione as she followed Alice.

Alice let go of her hand and sprinted forward, her pigtails flying in the wind as she raced.

"Alice," Josie called out, "slow down a minute! Wait for us to catch up, please."

"It's not going to be that bad, Josie. Just don't use the extra rooms. No one said you had to live in every part of the cottage... In fact, it might be better if you didn't poke around in some of the rooms."

"Are you on that whole ghost bit again?"

"Josie, I'm serious. You really shouldn't mock the idea."

"All right, all right..." Josie laughed, doubling over. "I concede... You believe there's a ghost; who am I to gainsay? For all I know, those strange bumps in the night that have millions of 'normal' people startled are wizarding ghosts."

"We'll see how flippant you are when you're face to face with the resident ghost," Hermione huffed. "Just don't expect me to Floo over if he scares the shite out of you."

"Gee, no running to the rescue? What sort of heroine are you?"

"The living sort," replied Hermione glibly.

"Mummy, Aunt Hermione, hurry up!" Alice shouted out impatiently.

"We're com –" Josie started to reply, but her words were cut off as she smacked into a Muggle Repellent Charm. She grunted in pain, the wind knocked out of her as she fell backwards on her ass.

"Fuck," whispered Hermione, "I thought we got all of them." She turned to help Josie up. "Are you okay?"

"Mummy," Alice shouted, "are you all right? What did you trip on?"

"I'm okay," she shouted out to Alice, taking Hermione's proffered hand. "What was that?"

"It was one of the Muggle Repellent Charms," Hermione grunted as she pulled Josie to her feet. "I thought Molly and I had gotten them all this morning. Normally, instead of tipping you on your arse, it makes a Muggle suddenly remember an important appointment, and the Muggle scurries off, afraid that they're late for it."

"Lovely."

"Here, hold on a second and I'll have it gone in a jiffy." Hermione drew out her wand and muttered an incantation. "There now, shouldn't have any other problems."

"Famous last words," Josie muttered, rubbing her sore ass.

~~oOo~~oOo~~oOo~~

Thursday, June 6th

The Burrow

"You should have seen her, Molly, knocked on her arse, sprawled out on the ground grunting. I swear I've never seen anything funnier."

"Hardy har har," muttered Josie.

"Oh, come on, Josie," laughed Hermione. "You have to admit it was funny."

"About as funny as the door handle biting your hand was."

"Hey now, that wasn't funny. I need my hand."

"And I don't need my ass? I'm just not sure this is going to work," sighed out Josie. "Between the Doxy infestation throughout the house, the charmed doorknobs that bite, and the various Muggle Repelling Charms... it's a nightmare."

"Now, Josie," began Molly, "I doubt it's a nightmare. It just needs some work."

"Work?" Josie squeaked. "Have you seen this place yet? It's a monstrosity!"

"Oh, Lord, here we go again." Hermione reached across the table for the open bottle of wine. "I told you already, Josie, it's not that big." She waved the bottle after pouring some into her glass. "Top off, anyone?" Both Molly and Josie raised their glasses for a refill.

"Besides, the owner has workers coming out to the house tomorrow, so the Doxy infestation should be wiped out by the end of the day. I'll let the crew know about the charmed door handles, and I'm sure we'll be able to pick up any other nasty surprises," Hermione said, setting the bottle down.

"Oh, yeah," Josie retorted sarcastically, "that will really help if all the traps and charms are attuned to Muggles. You all will walk right on by them with hardly a blip, I get there, and wham, I'll get smacked with something nasty."

"She does have a point, Hermione," Molly interjected. "You'd feel terrible if something happened to either of them because of a missed spell, and there are times when certain things only react to, no offense dear, Muggles and not wizards."

"And it's not like I can just twinkle my nose and 'poof' it's gone."

"Samantha Stephens you're not," giggled Hermione.

"Samantha who?"

"Sorry, Molly, it's a Muggle thing... My Mum was a closet Bewitched fan, and Samantha Stephens was the name of a character on television show who was a witch. She could just wiggle her nose, and poof, she was able to do magic."

"Wandless magic? She must have been powerful."

"No, no, Molly, it was all make-believe," Josie assured the woman. "The actress wasn't a witch at all; it was just an entertainment thing."

"I have an idea," Hermione blurted out. "It's not a great idea, but it's one that'll work for now. Give me a day to owl the owner, and... mmm... see if he'll agree. If he does, then," she hiccupped. "Oh, excuse me. Where was I? Oh, yes. Let me owl the owner, and then if its okay –"

"I'm beginning to think your ideas are totally rubbish, Hermione Granger," Josie snorted, bringing the glass of wine to her mouth.

"Rubbish? It's not rubbish, daft bint." She arched back in her chair, puffing out her chest. "I'll have you know –" Her chair toppled over, taking her with it. Josie spewed out a mouthful of wine out as she laughed at Hermione's predicament.

"I think you girls have had more than enough." Molly rose from her chair and held out a hand to help Hermione off the floor.

"I fell..." mumbled Hermione, scrambling up from the floor with Molly's assistance. "I can't believe I fell." She reached for the half-full glass of wine on the table in front of her.

"Serves you right," sniggered Josie. "Call me a daft bint, will you?"

"Enough. I'm sending you both home. Hermione, take the Floo, as you're in no condition to Apparate; and Josie, leave Alice here for the night; she's all snuggled in Ginny's old room," Molly ordered, pulling the wine glass out of Hermione's reach.

"Shouldn't I take her home?"

"Not while you're in this state. Let her stay; you know how she loves being here."

"I think we're in trouble," Hermione tried to whisper to Josie as Molly ushered them towards the fireplace.

"'S your fault, yanno," Josie snickered, "karmic balance for laughing at me when I fell on my ass."

"Off with you two," Molly interrupted their soused musings. "We've a lot of work to do at Rose Cottage tomorrow, so I want you both to head straight to bed."

"Yes, Mummy," giggled Hermione as she stepped into the Floo. The flame turned emerald as she swirled away. Molly threw more Floo powder into the fire and called out: "Rose Cottage."

"'Night, Molly," Josie whispered, giving the older woman a quick peck on the cheek before stepping into the green flames.

~~oOo~~oOo~~oOo~~

A/N:

As always, thanks to Mark for pin-pointing my abundant Americanisms, and to Rachel W for catching my massacre of the English language.

The Bewitched thing... I couldn't resist. I have to thank everyone over at the hp_britglish livejournal who kindly answered my question over whether this would be something Hermione might or might not be exposed to.

http://www.livejournal.com/community/hp_britglish/122207.html

Muggle Repelling Charms are canon, if anyone is interested. There are, apparently, a wide variety of them, including the ones use to hide Hogwarts from Muggles so they do not see anything but the ruins of a castle. There was also one used at the Quidditch World Cup Stadium that, when a Muggle got anywhere near it, caused them to suddenly remember an appointment, or something else, they were late for, and hurry off. Apparently the charm that hides Hogwarts works because most Muggles do not believe in magic; however, there is indication that the charms to protect the wizarding world do not always work take Diagon Alley for example.

As detailed in the Harry Potter Lexicon:

· Muggles have no magical power at all, but this does not prevent them from seeing magical things altogether. Without being given direction about magical things, however, their eyes tend to simply miss them.

o Muggles just don't notice the Leaky Cauldron - their eyes seem to slide from the shop on one side to the shop on the other side without seeing the pub in between.

o Muggles' minds can be influenced so they see, for example, a sign saying "danger keep out" and a ruin when they look at Hogwarts.

· If directed, however, Muggles can see magical things. Hermione's parents apparently saw the Leaky Cauldron because they entered Diagon Alley, but this was undoubtedly only when shown the way.

http://www.hp-lexicon.org/wizworld/blood-status-names.html