Chapter 7

Disclaimer: If you are under the impression that I own anything from the canon universe, please seek professional help immediately.

"NO!" His anguished scream rent the air like thunder. It couldn't be true. She believed he didn't love her. And to make matters worse, he couldn't even blame her for it. He could only blame his own ignorance.

True, mere months ago, in his previous existence, he'd hardly given her a second thought. But now that he'd experienced life with her, living and loving with her every day, it would be impossible to go back to his old, ascetic life.

Severus realised that he'd fallen to his knees on the dense carpet of pine needles at the edge of the forest. His vision was blurred slightly, and he found that tears were falling from his eyes.

He stood slowly and continued to wander, still clutching the crumpled parchment, evidence of her exodus. He gave no thought to where he would go; he simply followed his feet.

Sometime later, he looked up to find himself standing just beyond the reach of the Whomping Willow. Severus allowed his gaze to linger over the knotted and gnarled branches down to the twisted and scarred trunk.

The tree reminded him of his own life. His strength and his defences had left him unpleasing to the eye, and frightening. As he neared the tree, the branches began to whip and swirl. He Levitated a long stick to prod the secret knot, effectively freezing the tree.

Without thought or conscious desire, he strode forward and slipped through the passage into the blackness of the tunnel below.

Severus felt his heart speed up as he neared the scene of his death. It was almost maddening to think about his last excursion in that blasted tunnel. Ordinarily, he'd have felt rage at the indignity involved in walking in such a hunched fashion. Tonight, he could not have cared less.

His head was filled with errant thoughts of Hermione. His brain developed one wild scheme after another, but none would have worked. He couldn't force Potter (either of them) to divulge her whereabouts, nor could he force Lily to tell her that she was mistaken.

They couldn't base their broken relationship on the words or promises of others, be they forced or otherwise. He had to find a way to mend things... but how?

Hermione wouldn't listen to him. She'd spent the last several years believing that he loved another woman. His credibility in her eyes had to be as low, if not lower, than it had been when he was the hated spy.

Severus emerged into the dusty room in which he'd died. He looked around, mentally replaying what he'd believed to have been his last moments. With stunning clarity, Severus realised that his last thought had been of her. In the swirling torrent of blackest agony, his mind and heart had screamed her name.

Hermione.

Bitter tears fell as he made yet another painful discovery. The physical burning pain as the venom permeated his system was nothing to the stabbing woes of his mental anguish.

He'd used his last thoughts to pull the intelligent, strong woman to him. She'd been unwanted, on the conscious level anyway. She'd grown quietly, much as a parasitic vine causes a live oak to split and die. Little by little, she'd crept into his thoughts and reactions, making them crowded.

His disdain could only have come from the fear that he held to, fear of loving and being loved. Severus had seen love as a weakness his whole life, avoided it. Yet, it had come to him, unbidden and unknown.

Surprisingly, a Muggle song drifted through his mind.

...You set up your place in my thoughts;

Not when I'm talking to you.

He had loved her most likely since he'd met her, recognizing his equal and perfect counter-point in another. She must have loved him as well. For in this life, she'd chosen him. It made him wonder if she'd have chosen him in his former life as well, if given the chance?

Severus looked around again, noticing the shabby, cluttered interior of his final resting place. He wished he was back there.

He was entirely powerless to save himself from the pain, but if he went back, he could save Hermione from the pain and guilt in which she was currently drowning.

True, she would likely wind up married to the youngest Weasley, and while he believed that would be its own kind of hell, he very much doubted the obnoxious, ignorant lout would ever intentionally hurt her. Bore her to death, possibly, but cause her harm? No.

Assuming he could find a way back, even if it meant spending all eternity in the burning torment that had plagued him since the bite of that great rat-killer, he could save her.

No, they would never be together. Though he thought that would be best...he'd already proven that he was not worthy of her.

Tears were falling, thick and fast now. He could form no rational thought other than, "Please, I'll go back... I'll go back to the pain, if she'll be spared this. She needs someone who will put her first, always.

Over and over and over again, his mind shouted as his tears continued to fall. Severus felt the room spin around him, and his closed eyelids detected the deepening of the darkness.

There was no sound, no feeling, no time.

Then, quite as suddenly as it had gone, the horrible flames of pain filled him. He could not scream or even move. He felt a different sensation...a heavy, warm weight on the outside of his chest augmented the bitter burn within.

Severus couldn't bear the crushing weight, the burning fire, and now, a trickling down his neck. Through his fevered thoughts, he reasoned that he was bleeding out finally, that his moment had come.

Please, by all that is sacred, just give her someone who will make her happy, loved, and whole. Whoever he might be..."

The darkness and pain folded in on him, and somehow, became light. Brilliant light, even through his lids were closed tightly. The light had a melody. He felt as though he were being lifted by the sweet lilt of the notes.

It took several moments before he realised that the pain was gone. He was still quite uncomfortable; the mouldy floorboards were rather uncomfortable against his back. His nose and throat became irritated at the strong taste and smell of dust in the air.

Opening his eyes, he at first could not focus on the mass of red and gold that was only inches from his face. He blinked in confusion and found that he could turn his head.

He cautiously raised a hand to what should be an open and gushing wound on his neck, only to find smooth skin and the rough edges of torn, wool robes.

For the first time in his life, he wished he could speak with Binns. Perhaps the pedantic spectral sod could help to explain what it was like to wake up dead.

Severus decided to sit up, curious as to the feeling that would accompany leaving his body behind. As he sat up, eyes still unfocused and full of red, his field of vision became a violent riot of hot colour.

Flinching, Severus moved back, only to see a large red and gold bird land next to him, looking more than a bit disgruntled. The bird eyed him resentfully again, a sickeningly familiar twinkle to its black eyes.

"Fawkes?" Severus stuttered in disbelief.

The bird bowed his plumed head in acknowledgement.

Immediately, Severus' hand went to the recently healed flesh of his neck. "You did this?" It was not so much a question as an accusation.

"Why?"

Fawkes gazed into his eyes and what felt like his soul for a few moments. Then, the graceful bird opened his beak. The most blissful melody issued from his throat.

Severus felt his head and heart swim in the terribly beautiful music. Suddenly, it wasn't only music. It was music to his ears, but when the notes penetrated his mind, they became words.

His thoughts were now filled with a voice that he'd associated with both terror and comfort since his childhood.

"Because, Severus, you deserve to live and be happy." The words of Albus Dumbledore brought fresh tears to Snape's already wet eyes.

The old man's amused chuckle washed over him. "I realise this is not easy for you to accept, but it's the truth, my boy. You have been utterly selfless and passed the little test I'd set up for you. Now, why don't you go and claim the prize that's waiting for you?"

Severus slowly shook his head in denial.

"Severus, caring for others more than ourselves is true righteousness. You were willing to accept pain and even death to save Hermione from pain and from actions beneath her station."

Severus opened his mouth to protest, but the voice of his old mentor cut him off once again. "No, Severus. No, just accept the gift you've been given. I couldn't just let you die here in this shameful place. After all, you've never really lived. How can you die?"

Severus eyed the phoenix suspiciously and could have sworn the over-grown, painted turkey smiled at him.

"Yes, yes. Hermione survived and fought quite remarkably, I must say. But she's mourning someone, someone she's secretly loved since she was thirteen, Severus. Go. It isn't fair to make her wait forever."

Severus jumped up, surprised at how agile he could be after hours on a wooden floor. He dashed for the door but turned back at the last moment. He gazed longingly at his saviour.

In the final notes of the phoenix song, Severus could just make out the words, "Don't worry, son. I'll look in on you from time to time."

As he turned back towards the door, Severus just caught the burst of flame on the edge of his vision. He did not stop; he bolted for the tunnel. On the other side of the tunnel lay his re-given future.

He came up through the roots to see the devastation and carnage that lay beyond. He was stopped in his tracks at the sight of the dead from Voldemort's army, scattered over the rolling lawn of the once proud school.

Hermione's face flashed into his thoughts again, and he took off at a run towards the ruined front doors. He slipped in blood on the flagstone floor of the entryway, but he managed to right himself.

He slowed as he approached the Great Hall. He entered quietly, hoping not to draw the attention of the partially jubilant, partially mourning crowd. He passed around the perimeter of the room, looking for any sign of her. With a jolt of fear, he hoped she would not be among the wounded, all of whom seemed to be clustered on the platform at the top of the hall.

Halfway to the front of the hall, Severus spied the Weasleys and Potter, grouped together. In the riot of ginger hair, he saw an untidy, black mop. His breath caught as Harry turned to face him.

"How?" Harry choked.

Severus opened his mouth to speak, but he was silenced when the wind was knocked out of him. Potter had thrown himself at Severus and was now sobbing unashamedly into the chest of his former nemesis.

Severus was frozen in shock for a few moments. When he'd recovered both his breath and his wits, he grimaced and looked down at Potter, finally putting his arms around the boy.

"Thank you, Harry."

"Sir, I'm so sorry. We should have..."

Severus spoke over him. "No, there's nothing you could have done. As it turns out, Albus once again came to my rescue. That is something we have in common." He stared into Harry's eyes, willing the boy to have a lucid moment for once.

Harry looked confused at first and then said, "Fawkes." Severus nodded.

Harry smiled for a moment, and then a look of terror came over his face. "Hermione. Sir, she's been..."

"Where?" Severus asked.

"In the dormitory. Go now, sir. She needs to see you... She didn't take it well. I think it's a bit more than sadness..."

Severus noticed Ronald Weasley looking over Harry's shoulder with a resigned look on his face.

Severus nodded at the both of them and tore from the room. As he crossed the threshold, he could make out Minerva's shrill voice, screaming his name. He would have to let Harry handle it.

He had to go more slowly when he reached the upper floors, using his power of flight in a few places where too much rumble and debris littered the corridors to allow foot traffic.

What felt like an eternity later, he stood in front of the Fat Lady, who mercifully was in. "I haven't got the password, but I must get inside."

The old cow gave him a superior smirk and wheezed, "No."

"For the love of God, woman, let me by! It is a matter of life and death that I speak to the lady inside."

The Fat Lady narrowed her eyes shrewdly and asked, "Weren't you just up here, twenty or so years back, with the very same demand? One would think you'd learn to court members of your own house."

Severus felt his rage reaching the boiling point, and he had to clasp his hands behind him to prevent himself from ripping the canvas to shreds. "I am asking you as a survivor of this battle and as a man. Please. It's imperative that I speak with Miss Granger." He used his most velvet, most seductive voice. If he couldn't command the foul hag, perhaps he could charm her.

"No. No password, no entry."

Severus decided that he could, perhaps, guess the password.

"Acromantula?"

"No."

"Dumbledore?"

"No."

"Potter?"

"No."

"Voldy's gone moldy?"

"No."

"Merlin's Pants!"

"Not even close."

"Fuck me!"

"Hardly."

Severus was giving up. The exhaustion was catching up with him. He leaned forward, his left hand resting against the wall to keep himself upright. In desperation, he screamed long and loud. No words...just primal anger and frustration.

He fell silent and closed his eyes, breathing heavily.

At once, the frame swung out violently and hit him square in the face. He fell backward and saw stars.

"Oh my God!" Hermione tumbled out of the portrait hole and fell next to him in a dead faint.

When he regained his sight, and his head stopped pounding, he sat up and looked at down at her. She was sprawled on the floor, as pale as death.

He stared at her, ignoring the verbal abuse they were receiving from the Fat Lady for leaving her hanging open.

He regained his wits slightly, rolling Hermione over and supporting her head in his hand. Pointing his wand at her, he whispered, "Renervate!"

She stirred and blinked her eyes. As she regained focus, her eyes filled with tears and locked on his. "How?" She echoed Potter's question.

He took a deep breath. "Fawkes."

She smiled, sitting up slowly. "Of course." She looked at him for another moment and then launched herself at him. The force of her enthusiasm sent him back to lying on the floor, her body on top of his.

She had her arms around his neck and her head on his shoulder. She sobbed so he could only make out every few words, or so. "Thank God... So guilty... You gave so much... Never told you... Died without knowing... since third year..."

He sat up, shifting her so she was now cradled in his lap. He stroked her hair and whispered soothing words in her ear.

After a few moments, he pulled back to look at her, an odd expression on his bleeding face. She pulled back to gaze at him, and a look of horror fell over her.

"Oh, sir, look what I've done! I'm so sorry. Really." She had her wand out in a trice, pointing it at his face. A few seconds later, she'd mended his nose, siphoned the blood from his face, neck and chest, and mended the tears in his robes, all without uttering a word.

"Impressive," he said, smiling slightly.

Hermione began to smile back, and then she remembered that she was cuddled on the lap of her former professor. She went to pull away and blushed to the roots of her hair. "I'm sorry, sir. I didn't mean to accost you." She did not meet his eyes.

Severus tucked a finger under her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes once again, and with his other arm, he tightened his grip on her. "Hermione, I don't mind in the slightest." He smiled.

Some time later, as they ate dinner in the Headmaster's office, Hermione's usual inquisitive nature returned. He'd told her his version of the events of the last few months, complimenting her bravery and cleverness.

After a while, she went quiet. His normal reaction was to leave her to share her thoughts in her own time, but he chose to reach out to her.

"What is it?"

"Your memories," she said, looking in her lap. "Harry showed me. Not to break your confidence, sir. But because I asked, begged, well, threatened him, really."

"What about them?"

"You've loved Harry's mum all your life, and everything you did was for her. I think that's beautiful."

Severus looked at her face as she continued to study her own fingers, squirming in her lap. "Yes, everything I did was in devotion to Lily. But if the last few months have made me realise one thing, it's that we can't get anywhere holding onto the past. Lily was my first love, and I'll never forget her, but I have let her go."

Hermione's eyes snapped to his at this point.

"If I want to move forward with my life, I think that's best." He smiled at her.

She smiled back at him. "I think that's very wise, sir."

"As we are both veterans and war heroes and will doubtless one day be colleagues, you really might consider calling me Severus."

"Severus," she whispered. He smiled at her.

Hermione cleared her throat and suddenly looked nervous. He gave her a questioning look, and she closed her eyes. She took a deep breath and said quickly, "IhavetoldRonweshouldn'tbeanythingbutfriendsandhe'ssaidthatheunderstands."

He said nothing for a moment as he fought down the urge to do a rather obnoxious 'victory dance' around the office. When he'd mastered himself, he managed to say, "If that is how you feel, then it's best that you were honest with Mr. Weasley."

She nodded, and they sat grinning like idiots at one another for the rest of the evening.

A/N: The song is 'Mystery' by the Indigo Girls. Check it out, it's truly amazing.