Chapter Six

A/N: I want to thank everyone for their amazing reviews and for staying with me! You've all been wonderful.

Disclaimer: Not JKR, damn it! Have you seen her amazing shoe collection?

Severus sat unmoving until the shadows grew long and the sky burned in orange and pink fire. He could not get the pictures out of his head.

Hermione's wide, haunted eyes as she postulated that he found her an unattractive prude.

Harry's face when she'd sat naked in his lap.

The tears that ran down her face as another man entered her.

Worst of all had been the end. They had fallen in a tangle of limbs on the hearthrug, sweating and panting. She'd rolled until she was curved around Harry's supine body, her head resting on his chest.

That memory gnawed at him more than any of the others. Hermione curled around another man in post-coital bliss, seeking comfort.

Harry had given her that comfort. Unlike Severus, he had asked questions. The younger man hadn't assumed he could fix everything. He hadn't even tried. Harry had simply given what she'd asked for.

Severus looked down and noticed that he was sitting with a lap full of sick. He was disgusted with himself, but he could not find the will to vanish the mess. He surveyed the bed and realised he must have been sick several times. He didn't care. As though he would ever want to sleep in this bed again. He actually considered setting fire to it. He decided against that simply because he didn't want all of the house-elves pouring into the room when the fire bell went off.

Rising, he walked stiffly to the shower. He peeled off the disgustingly sodden robes and Banished them to the hamper. He stepped into the hot shower, wondering idly if he would ever feel anything again.

I've been given a second chance, and I've managed to piss it away. She was right in front of me, and I managed not to see her.

I need to see. I have to know.

His first thought was to go to Lily for information, but that was impossible now. He never wanted to be in the same room with her again. It was not Lily's fault per se, but still, he didn't think one of their cozy chats would do at this point.

He realised the next best source of information at once. He jumped out of the shower and towelled off rather inexpertly. In his frustration to pull on his robes, he nearly rent one of the sleeves from the garment.

A moment later, he stalked the halls, thankful for his venomous reputation. No one spoke to him; in point of fact, students and faculty went scurrying to avoid the unusually livid Potions master.

He spat the password at the ugly gargoyle and took the moving stairs three at a time. He burst through the heavy door to the Head's office, ignoring the Griffin knocker.

"Potter!" he shouted.

James Potter entered from the balcony with an amused grin on his face. "Role playing for old time's sake, are we? Very well. Bugger off, Snivellus!" James grinned wickedly for a moment, and then he noticed that his old friend seemed to be sagging under an invisible weight.

Concern lined the Headmaster's face at once, and his entire tone changed as he approached Severus.

"My Gods, what's happened?" James asked, looking worried.

Severus shook his head. He desperately needed his friend's help, but he could not force the words out. He shook slightly, his breathing heavy and ragged.

James directed Severus to an armchair near the fire and sat opposite him. He waited patiently for whatever bad news Severus was holding.

"I don't belong here," Severus whispered.

James looked confused and opened his mouth to speak. Severus raised a hand to silence him.

"I woke up here just before the summer holidays began. Let me tell you my perception of things, and then I want you to tell me what's real to you."

James nodded and listened quietly. His face contorted in shock as Severus recounted the details of his 'other existence.' Severus continued in a soft, monotonous voice through all that he could remember.

He'd begun with the Potters' own deaths and continued up to his own.

James sat looking like he'd seen a ghost. When he was sure Severus was finished, he said softly, "If it turns out that you're mad, they'll have to put us in a padded room for two in St. Mungo's. I believe you. Are you ready for me to highlight the differences for you?"

Severus nodded.

James took a deep breath. "Voldemort did come to Godric's Hollow when Harry was just a little over a year old. I was in the lounge. Lily was feeding Harry his porridge.

That monster entered our house quietly and just stood with an evil grin on his face, looking at me. I screamed at Lily to run with Harry, and Voldemort just laughed. He raised his wand, and I just managed to duck the curse. He was laughing as I managed to duck his curses.

All the commotion was making Lily nervous. She ran in, carrying the baby. He turned on her and offered her the chance to live if she would stand aside."

At this, James smiled, though there were tears in his eyes. "I'll never forget the look on his face when she called him a 'perverted, psychotic fuck' and told him to bugger off.

When he raised his wand, I threw myself in front of her, and the spell seemed to bounce off the air before us. It hit him, and he fell."

Severus looked puzzled but kept quiet.

"You jumped in front of her at that same moment, only you had my Invisibility Cloak. Dumbledore'd borrowed it. I reckon you nicked it, or he asked you to go. We never talked about that bit of it, oddly enough." James sounded thoughtful.

Severus waited while James was lost in thought. His patience came to an end, and he said, "Then what?"

James looked slightly abashed. "Sorry, mate. Right. So even though a Killing Curse ought to have hit the both of us, it didn't. Lily was hysterical; Harry was crying like mad. It was overwhelming. But you stayed calm.

"You checked to make sure snake-face was dead and then called for Dumbledore. He sent Harry to Hogwarts for safekeeping, and then we told him what had happened.

"He had this theory, though we've never had anyway to check it. Dumbledore believed that it was love that stopped the curse. I reckon that's the same as your version, only it wasn't just one person.

"He said that because you and I had been enemies, and you'd been willing to sacrifice yourself to save my life, the power of the curse rebounded onto the originator.

"The only other big issue is that Sirius went mad with rage. He turned up while we were talking to Dumbledore. He was the only one who knew that Peter had sold us to Voldemort, and he swore he'd get his revenge. He took off on his motorbike.

"The next morning we heard that he'd caught up with Peter in Muggle London. Their confrontation didn't take long. Sirius turned his attention away from Pettigrew for an instant. He yelled at some woman to get her baby away. While his head was turned, Peter hit him with some sort of slashing hex, and he started bleeding out.

"Padfoot just managed to hit Peter with an Avada Kadavra before he lost consciousness. They both died, and Sirius was posthumously given the Order of Merlin, First Class.

"Before he'd left that to go after Peter, he'd told me that if he didn't come back, you were to be Harry's godfather in his stead."

Severus could only stare into the fire. It was too much for him. He felt a surge of love and pride for Harry that he'd never thought possible. As he replayed Hermione's memories in his head, the stinging emptiness returned. He needed to know more, and so he turned a questioning face back to James.

James nodded and continued his story. "You have always been close with Harry. The Sorting Hat nearly placed him in Slytherin because he so admired you." James was chuckling softly.

"So you taught Harry and his friends. You were rather strict on the lot of them. Always have been. I taught Defence and let them get away with far too much. Hermione was your prized student. You pushed her harder than anyone else, and she surpassed every one of her peers in every class. Well, Harry still won out in Defence. Not because of any favouritism on my part, I assure you.

"After she left school, Hermione studied abroad for several years. She returned and took up her post here. The two of you fell into a close friendship, and both Harry and I hoped that something would come of it. You denied that you felt anything for her, saying she was 'too young' or 'could do better.'

"I've never been sure what happened exactly, but one morning you came in here... You know, let's let you be the judge."

James walked to the cabinet behind the desk and removed the smooth, stone Penseive. He carried it to the small table next to the chair Severus occupied.

The Headmaster carefully put his wand to his temple and drew out silvery whisps of memory. Severus watched as he detached each one and placed it carefully in the Pensieve. James' face fluctuated from amusement to concentration as he worked to siphon off the thoughts.

Finally, he finished and gestured to Severus that he could make use of the ancient basin.

Obediently, Severus plunged his face into the swirling vapour. At once, he was falling through time and space. He landed in the same office from whence he'd come.

He noticed James sitting at the great desk, reading. He watched in silence for a few moments and then was rather startled by a loud bang.

He spun to see the office door swinging into the wall violently, and his own figure dashed through it.

"I don't know what in the blue fuck you think you're playing at, but you'd best stop it!" his memory self shrieked.

James looked up calmly, as though this outburst was thoroughly expected. "I'm sure I don't know what you mean," he replied benignly.

Severus saw himself go purple in the face and slam his fists onto the desk. "You know goddamn, bloody well what I mean. You think you can just wish us together, do you? You and my idiot, sodding godson. I'm too old for her. And even if I weren't, you're forgetting the fact that she's in love with someone else."

"Severus, she's told Harry that she is not now nor has ever been interested in anyone but you. You are underestimating her, old friend. Either this happens with you, or it won't happen at all for her. She will not be dissuaded," James explained.

Both Severus and his memory counterpart looked stricken.

James continued. "First admit to yourself how you feel about her and then tell her."

The scene dissolved. All was quiet blackness for a moment or two. Then, the scene reformed in front of him.

This time, he was in his own chambers, seemingly alone. When a persistent knock sounded at the door, Severus heard his own voice call an incantation. The door opened, and his echoing voice bid James to come in.

Severus followed James through the bedroom and toward the open door of the bathroom. He noted that his bedroom looked as though it had been hit by a storm and smelled oddly.

James was speaking to his memory self, who was shaving. "... that the evening went well. Based on the state of your bedroom, anyway?"

"So you didn't get an owl from you son and his wife this morning?" his other self asked.

James laughed. "Alright, we did. Hermione went over there to let them know that they could stop worrying about her. Ginny apparently drug it out of her." James laughed and shook his head.

"Evidently, you've been declared a 'sex-god' by my daughter-in-law and your new girlfriend."

Severus studied the reactions on his own face. He seemed to want to be angry but was unable to stop the smug grin from spreading over his face. Memory Severus actually blushed and shrugged.

The two men laughed for a moment and then the 'other him' spoke in a soft voice. "I love her, James. I love her so much that it frightens me."

James nodded. "I know. Just spend the rest of your life making sure she never doubts it, and you'll be just fine. Now, about what Harry overheard. You need to explain exactly how you managed..." The room went black.

When he could see again, Severus found that he was standing right behind James and himself at what must have been his own wedding. He watched in awe as Hermione drifted toward the lucky bastard at the altar.

She was a vision of absolute perfection. Her smile was tremulous, as though she was slightly nervous. She had eyes only for the man she was about to marry. Severus was entranced by her, but suddenly, the nervous smile twisted into a grimace of terror. Severus looked at his own figure again, and he noticed that he'd stopped looking at Hermione and was now smiling at Lily.

Her face held excitement and something else as she stood behind Ginny, acting as bridesmaid. The two made eye contact for only a few seconds. No one seemed to notice except Hermione. She seemed crushed.

Severus was furious with himself for even acknowledging any other person on the one day that should have been solely devoted to the woman who was becoming his wife.

Several times during the vows, he noted that Lily gestured or made facial expressions so that the groom's eyes repeatedly darted to hers, away from his bride. Again, Hermione seemed to be the only one who noticed.

The scene changed again, and this time, he was standing to the side of the dance floor, obviously at their reception. He and Lily were dancing and whispering in each other's ears. To his eyes, they looked comfortable and happy. But when he looked to his right, he noticed Hermione, another look of horrified shock on her face.

The next few little vignettes passed in rapid succession, only a few seconds in length each. Different moments of himself and Lily talking, sitting together, brewing together, or laughing. Every time, he looked to Hermione to gauge her reaction. Each time, he could see her more and more shattered.

Severus felt himself rise up through the air at long last and settle back in his chair. He could only stare at the carpets. She'd put up with so much fear and doubt for so long.

James interrupted his melancholy. "I know there was never anything, Severus. I tried to tell her time and again, but she said that it still hurt. Severus, she believes that you've been in love with Lily this whole time and only married her as a consolation prize. Or to please Harry, perhaps."

Severus had not gotten over the shock of the words when his friend spoke again. "I know you must be hurt at what she and Harry have done, but please try to remember that they thought, and not without good reason, that you and Lily had betrayed us all." Severus opened his mouth to speak, but no words came.

James stood and clapped him on the shoulder. "Severus, what's happened is complex and painful for everyone involved. But you are no more or less responsible for it than any of the rest of us.

You should know that Harry is sick at what he's done. I'm not trying to make excuses, but what happened with Ginny completely devastated him in a way I'll never fully understand. When Hermione came to him, he just couldn't take anymore."

"And Hermione?" Severus croaked.

"She gone, Severus," James said gently. "She asked me to give you this and to tell you not to come after her." James held out a scroll of parchment. Severus took it reflexively.

He stood and walked slowly from the lovely, circular office. His feet moved of their own volition, and he paid no attention to his surroundings. He realised that at one point, he'd left the castle and was now roaming the grounds.

He broke the seal of the letter and stopped just beyond the gates of the school. He took a deep breath and read.

Severus,

Hermione