Chapter 12

Disclaimer: All things Harry Potter belong to JKR.

A/N: Notes? You guys are slipping notes under the door? What, am I going to have to get a guard now? *Sighs* I am going to see if Fluffy is available! You know my awesome beta Cough Southern_Witch_69 Cough has to remain anonymous until after voting!

Hermione came back into the room with a tea tray and two enormous ham sandwiches. "I wasn't sure if you're hungry or not, but I'm famished."

Eyeing the sandwich, he told her, "I could eat."

They ate in silence for a bit, and then Severus began, "I have not remained celibate since the death of my wife. There have been a few liaisons here and there."

"I didn't assume that you had. Though, to be honest, I did wonder how you ever maintained a relationship."

He snorted. "Hermione, I didn't have what you call relationships. I had... encounters." He smirked at her. "Flings, if you will. Until you."

"You call what we had a relationship? Or even a fling? If that's the case, it was all one-sided, wasn't it? You never put much effort into it."

"Don't you see? What we had was precariously close to what I'd had with Shannon."

"You're comparing what we have," she pointed her finger between herself and Severus, "to what you had with Shannon? Humph!" Hermione crossed her arms over her chest and turned her head away from him. "Not even close! Our liaison, as you put it, was not even close to being comparable to what you had with her!"

He laid a calming hand on top her fluttering one. "I know that I treated Shannon so much better than I've treated you, Hermione. But that was before. I'm asking for a chance to prove to you that I love you. I won't lie to you and say that I love you more than I did her, or even Lily, because I loved them both a great deal. But I can honestly say that I love you no less."

She shook her head. "I'm not sure I can handle your kind of love. It's not just me taking the risk now, Severus. I've already had one broken home. I don't care to have another."

His nostrils flared. "Do not equate our situation to the one you had with Weasley!"

Hermione turned on the couch so that she was facing Severus. "I just don't understand how you can sit there and say that you loved me when I remember how you treated me in Italy."

"You still don't see, do you?" He pinched the bridge of his nose, thinking of what he wanted to say. "When I began to see that I was feeling for you the same way I'd felt for Shannon, I panicked. I didn't want to feel that again. Because I loved you, I couldn't leave you, so I treated you badly, hoping you'd leave me and take the matter out of my hands."

Hermione stared at him for a long moment. "I see. Well, it worked like a charm, eh?" Then a thought occurred to her. "Survivor's guilt. You felt guilty having happiness because Shannon, and even Lily, had died..."

"Yes, that's part of it. It felt as if I'd betrayed them somehow by falling in love with another woman and having that type of happiness. Knowing that if things continued to progress between us, that you'd in the very least be around Liam, and of course, he'd love you as well. That hurt me."

"Severus, loving one person does not diminish the love you felt, or even still feel, for another person. I could never take Shannon's place in her son's heart, or yours, for that matter. Nor would I wish to."

Severus leaned back and raised an eyebrow at her. "You mean to say that when Weasley married Miss Brown, you had no worries or fears of your children caring for her too much when they visited them?"

Hermione blushed. "Well, at first maybe. But then I began to realize how silly I was being. I'm their mum, not her. It makes all the difference in the world."

"Yes, I believe you." He scooted to the edge of the couch and took both her hands in his, staring earnestly into her cautious eyes. "Give me...us...another chance, Hermione. Don't let us waste this opportunity for a life together because I've been an arse and worse. Forgive me."

"I don't know what to say to you. I want to give you another chance, but... it's really rather hard to trust you now. I do believe that you're sincere in your apology, and I think that I can forgive you. But the trouble is, I don't know if I can forget the way you've treated me."

"I'm not even asking you to forget it. I'm asking you to try and get past it. I can't promise to never hurt you again because that would be a lie. I'm sure down the road there will be times when we'll hurt each other. I can promise to never purposely hurt you and certainly to never cheat on you."

"If I could just be absolutely certain you truly wanted me and didn't just want to get back together because of the baby! I don't want you to be with me, definitely not marry me, because you think it would be the honorable thing to do. Trust me; it would benefit the baby and the children more if we didn't get married solely because of this baby."

Severus stood and began to pace. "Damn it, Hermione! What else can I say to you to make you believe that I love you and want to marry you for you?"

"YOU CALLED ME A WHORE!" she yelled, tears streaming silently down her face. "More, you humiliated me and ridiculed what I felt for you. Oh, how badly I wanted you, wanted what you're offering me now." She wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hand. "And if you didn't mean what you said, you did a damn fine job of convincing me."

Severus winced. He felt the crack in his heart split wide open upon seeing the damage he'd done. He walked to her, reaching his hand out. "Hermione, I would be lying if I said I never meant to hurt you because we both know that I did. I meant to hurt you, but I never, at any time, meant the things that I said to you then. If you'd just..."

They both jumped when someone banged loudly on the door. "Excuse me," she said flatly, controlling her tears as she walked to the door to open it.

"Ron!" she said, and suddenly, Hermione didn't see her ex-husband standing in front of her, but her best mate. She threw herself into his arms and sobbed on his chest. "Ron."

"Hey, hey," he said, rubbing her back, clumsily trying to comfort her. "What's all this? Hermione? Are you all right, love?"

"I'm so glad to see you!" she told him. Then suddenly, she stepped back and out of his arms, sniffling. "Why am I seeing you?"

"Er... Well, I thought that after the other day it'd be best if we talked face to face." He looked down at her belly and cringed.

She walked over to a table and grabbed a tissue, loudly blowing her nose. "No."

"Now you listen to me, 'Mione," Ron said, not realizing that Severus was there. "You may not want to talk about your... situation, but like I've told you already, if it involves my children, then it involves me."

"Rose and Hugo were both just fine until they left here with your mother."

"Snape? How? Why? We watched him die!"

"Obviously not," Severus said and smiled with delight as Ron jumped at the sound of his voice. "And really, Weasley, there's nothing to discuss. The baby is on its way."

"It seems like you ought to do something about it, Snape, and not leave her in the lurch like this. Having a bastard baby," Ron said sadly, shaking his head.

"Now see here, boy!" Severus said, walking towards Ron.

"Stop, Severus," Hermione said calmly, putting her hands on his chest to stop him. "He isn't being cruel purposely. Listen, I really want to speak with Ron. Alone."

Severus' face was a blank mask, hiding how much her words had hurt him. "All right. A word, please, in private."

Hermione walked with him out the door and lightly closed it behind her. "Yes?"

He reached out and rubbed her cheek with his hand. "First, let me tell you that I love you, though I can see that you have a hard time believing me. I want to marry you. Not because of the baby, but because of you. The two of us are traditional creatures, Hermione, and though the pregnancy may have sped up the process, had you taken me back marriage would have been inevitable.

"However, I don't want to pressure you. You know my thoughts and wishes. Please let me know what you decide." He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. "Here's my new address. Come anytime."

Hermione looked down at the paper he'd given her. It looked to be a copy of an invoice for bedroom furniture. Suddenly, her heart was beating too quickly, and she felt afraid. "Severus, wait. I..."

"Hermione!" Ron bellowed from inside. "Are you coming?"

"Go," he whispered as he bent down to lightly brush his lips with hers. Then he turned abruptly and left quickly.

Hermione lifted her finger and touched her lip. She had a sinking feeling in her heart, and she knew that only Severus would make it go away. Sighing, she turned to go back inside her flat, dreading the inevitable argument ahead.

Despite herself, she smiled seeing Ron there, remembering a time when they had been inseparable. "Seriously, what are you doing here, Ron?"

"To be honest, I'm worried about you. After talking with Mum, I couldn't get your situation off of my mind. Where did you even see Snape? How long have you known that he's alive?"

"He was living in Italy in the condo beside the one I'd rented. I didn't know he was still alive until I'd seen him there."

"I don't know what to make of all this. Are you really okay?"

"I don't know," Hermione admitted. "My life is in such confusion right now, but physically, I'm great. He wants to marry me," she blurted out. "He says that he loves me."

"And what? You don't want him? You'll make a baby with him, but you won't marry him?"

Hermione laughed. In some ways, Ron was still so old fashioned. "It's not that exactly. There are just a lot of circumstances, and I have a lot of doubts."

"I don't doubt that. Hell, we thought he was dead." Ron still couldn't get over the fact that Severus was alive. He looked into his ex-wife's eyes. "Do you love him, 'Mione?"

"With all my heart," she told him, deciding to keep the fact that Harry had known that Severus was alive all along.

Ron sighed. "Greasy git! He used you then, didn't he? Took advantage of you after our divorce in your vulnerable state. Well, I won't have it! Harry and I'll take care of this; don't you worry."

"What? No! It's not like that at all! He didn't take advantage of me. I just told you that he says that he loves me and wants to marry me."

"Then what's the problem?" Ron wondered, confused.

"Sit down Ron, and I'll get you a sandwich," Hermione said, knowing her ex-husband's appetite, "and talk to you."

As Ron ate, Hermione talked to him of her time in Italy, skipping over a lot of the way Severus had treated her, but not completely. Then she filled him in on the bare essentials of Shannon, not bothering to speak about Harry's mum.

"Much as I hate to say this," Ron said with his mouth full, "it sounds like he does love you. He's had a rough time, losing his wife that way, having to raise a son on his own."

Hermione stared at her ex-husband, gobsmacked. She thought for sure that Ron would tell her to stay away from Severus. "You're taking his side?"

Ron took a drink of his pumpkin fizz and wiped his mouth on the sleeve of his robe. "I never liked Snape, that's no secret. But Harry always seemed to think highly of him after we'd thought that he'd died and gave Harry all of those memories. He can't be all bad, spying for the Order and all like he did."

"But what about the way he treated me? The things that he said to me? Do you honestly think that I could trust him again after all of that. My God, he hurt me so badly there at the end! I mean, he'd hurt me throughout, but there at the end, he had been so cruel."

"If he was so bad, then why did you keep going back to him, Hermione? Besides, he's always had a cruel streak in him. You know that. Remember your teeth incident in our what? Third year? Fourth? He was always calling you a silly little girl or know-it-all."

"It was our fourth year, and yes, I do remember it," she snapped. "I kept going back because though he was often cruel, there were times when he'd look at me, hold me a certain way, or say something that would lead me to believe that... I don't know. That he truly cared somehow."

Ron placed his empty glass on the table beside his plate and looked at her long and hard. Finally he said, "We've...Harry and I...always trusted your instincts. We may not have always agreed with you, that broom that Sirius sent Harry comes to mind," he said as he chuckled, "but you've been right a lot more than you've been wrong."

"I know, but Ron, so much more is at stake here than just my heart," she told him as she gently rubbed her belly. "And not just this baby either, but Rose and Hugo as well. They've already been through one broken home. And then there's Liam to consider. I just don't know."

"There're no guarantees in things like this, Hermione."

"Exactly!" she said. "You and I, we loved each other. A lot. And look at where we ended."

Ron nodded. "I know, and I've thought on it more than I can say. Do you know what I think? I think that though we did love each other a great deal," he grabbed both of her hands and squeezed them, "ours was not the passionate kind that a husband and wife are supposed to have. Not to say that making love with you wasn't great," he quickly amended, "but I don't know..."

She smiled. After having been with Severus, she knew exactly what he was trying to say. "There was no desperation to be together. No, 'Oh, my God, I have to have you now!'"

"Yes," he sighed with relief. "Exactly. 'Mione, there are no guarantees. You know that! Sometimes you have to take a chance. It sounds like he truly wants you. Obviously, you want him. I can't see you living your life on might-have-beens."

Hermione stood and went to Ron, wrapping her arms around him from behind in a tight hug. "Thank you, Ron. You can go home now. I'm perfectly fine."

He turned and hugged her back just as tight. "You'll always be my best mate, you know. I'm always here if you need me. No matter how awkward the situation is," he joked. "Harry, too, for that matter."

"I know. Thank you. I'm glad that you're happy now, Ron. Go on, now. I don't want Lavender to give you a hard time about being here. Don't argue," she said when he started to speak. "I know her well. I shared a dorm with her for six years, remember?"

He lifted her chin and very lightly kissed her lips. "Love you."

She sighed and laid her head on his chest. He did love her, she had no doubt. "Love you, too. Give my babies a kiss from me when you get home."

"I will. Tell me what you decided where Snape is concerned before I go."

"I still haven't made a decision there. But when I do, well, you won't be the first to know, but I will tell you at some point."

"Fair enough."

After he'd gone, Hermione went to have a bath and go to bed. She was suddenly extremely exhausted. She knew she had some important decisions to make, but tomorrow was soon enough.

***

Hermione sat at the counter, watching people browse through her rows of books. It had been a week since she'd seen Severus. He'd been frustratingly true to his word and not contacted her once.

Even though she knew it was cowardly, she had wanted him to come back to her flat and take the decision out of her hands. She knew that it wasn't fair, but it didn't matter. Apparently, that was not going to be the case.

He'd plainly told her to come to him. But she was still so unsure. At one time she'd thought that being in love should be easy, but then she'd thought of Ron. It was very easy to love him...she always had...and look where that had gotten her. But then, he'd been right. Theirs had not been the desperate, I've got to have you, sort of love. It was the comfortable kind.

As the day went by and she rung up sales, she tried to weigh the pros and cons of life with and without being married to Severus. Could she do it on her own? Most definitely. Did she want to? That was the kicker.

She started as the girl who worked the counter at her tea parlor placed a hand on her arm. "Hermione? It's time to close up. Actually, it's about fifteen minutes past."

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" She looked around her empty store and wondered how that had happened. "Go ahead and head home, Emma. I'll finish up here."

"If you're sure? It's just that I have a date tonight, and I wanted to get ready."

Hermione smiled. "Not at all. Have fun."

After Emma had left, Hermione went about the rows, making sure things were in place. When that was complete, she walked upstairs to her flat, planning on a bite to eat.

Once she got there, however, she'd completely lost her appetite. Even though she had no idea what to say, Hermione couldn't stand it any longer; she had to go see Severus. Now.

She pulled out the invoice that he'd given her out of her pocket, where she always kept it, and quickly Apparated to the address. Not wasting any time, she began pounding on the door.

It took a few moments, and she didn't stop pounding until he flung the door open, irritation written all over his face. "What?" he shouted before looking to see who was there.

"Severus," Hermione said.

He scowled at her with obvious anger. "Decided to grace me with your presence, have you?"

Suddenly, Hermione was even more nervous. "Yes. I wanted to talk to you."

"Talk."

She looked around her. "Out here? Can't I come in?"

"If you wish," he said as if it didn't matter to him one way or the other.

His indifference hurt her. Did he still want her? "Are you sure? If you're busy..."

"Of course I'm busy," he snapped impatiently. "I'm trying to get my house set up before my son gets back next week, and I've potions brewing."

Her heart fell. She actually felt it fall to her belly with a loud thud. "Oh, I see. All right. I'll go. Just Floo me if and when you have a moment to spare." She could feel the tears pooling in her eyes. Damn hormones!

"You're here now." He stepped back so that she could come in. "Say what you've came to say."

She took a deep breath and looked deeply into his eyes. "I've made a decision..."

A/N: So close!