You Finally Find...

A/N: Thanks to all of those who reviewed. Also, a special thanks to my beta, ImOnMedication. I also want to thank Southern Witch for her patience as I struggled with my grammar issues! Up next: The epilogue.

***

The next day they sat in the freezing cold. Amanda was so bundled up she could barely move. "This has now taken a left turn into psychotic behavior," she warned him.

He laughed. "Will you come here to my side and let me hold you?"

"No!" she snapped. "You are going to help me get up from under this tree, and you are going to make us a cup of tea in your rooms, and we're going to sit and talk like civilized people."

They walked back and got comfy in front of the fire. They sipped on hot toddies and snuggled together. He put his arm around her and pulled her close into him. Before she knew it, he was putting moves on her that were so sweet and innocent, she couldn't resist the temptation to see where it would lead. Soon, they were kissing, and after an eternity, he was rising over her, gently lowering her on her back. He was very eager to learn how to be a great kisser. He grazed his hand down her right breast, and she gasped in shock at how good it felt.

His breath was getting ragged, and his hands were trembling. Amanda pushed him upright and knelt in front of him, taking off her robe and shirt slowly and removed her bra. She took his trembling hands and placed them on her breasts. She closed her eyes and leaned her head to the side and sighed in pleasure as he cupped and massaged them. She wanted him to see how he pleased her. He fastened his mouth over one nipple and a moan escaped from her mouth.

"Open your eyes," he murmured deeply.

She opened them and watched him as he explored this new territory. Before long, she was aching and whimpering for more.

He lifted her up and forced her legs to straddle him. He pushed her up on her knees, and as he lost himself in her breasts, his one hand found its way inside her knickers. Amanda's head fell back, and she gave herself over to the sensations he was giving her. She murmured her approval when he found her clit and began to stroke it tenderly. She grabbed at his hair as she rocked her hips against him and screamed out his name as she came.

She opened her eyes lazily, and he was positively smug with what he had accomplished. Oh, no, mister! she thought. Now it's your turn to beg!

She pushed him down and rose over him. He leaned back on his elbows so he could watch her. Slowly, she unbuttoned his trousers and released his swollen manhood. He gasped for air as she lowered her mouth over the tip. He watched in her shock, his mouth gaping open in disbelief. She barely started licking the tip of his cock when he shook violently and clenched his fists. His eyes were smoldering as he watched her tongue circle around the underneath of the blood-engorged head. She barely completed her way around when he shouted, "NO!" as he came.

He was embarrassed and angry. He turned his back to Amanda as he buttoned up his trousers. His back was quivering. She wondered if he were crying. She placed her hand on his back gently and tried to assuage his ego.

"It's okay, Severus. You did nothing wrong. Honestly!" She tried to comfort him, but he shrank from her touch.

"Please, just go away!"

"No! Why are you pushing me away?"

"Can I please just have some sense of privacy? Is it too damn much to ask from you? Why do you continuously want to humiliate me? GET. OUT!" he raged, his hair covering his face as he cowered on the floor.

She got up, put her clothes back together and silently left. She felt so bad for him. It wasn't anyone's fault; these things just happened. But she did berate herself for pushing him too far. He went into complete sensory overload. She wanted to apologize, but he was so fiercely proud and terrified of being humiliated...it was the absolute worst thing that could have happened! So, it just had to play out.

Over the next few days, she sat at mealtimes in silence next to him. He did not look at her, and she did not try to press him. They worked together in the lab, speaking only of potions, students, grading, and anything else work related. He kept a stiff upper lip about it all and was extremely formal. She knew she could not approach him; she just had to wait it out. It was very trying at times. His physical distance after being so intimate broke Amanda's heart. She fluctuated between wanting to rant and rave at him for acting like an idiot about the whole thing and desperately wanting to stroke his ego and build him up again

But damned if she were going to do either! After all, against what the male gender believe, women have egos as well, and hers was pretty well bruised. Each time he glared at her with his icy stare, and went out of his way to make cutting remarks about her lack of intelligence, or her ineptitude as an apprentice, made her determined to not do anything to make up with him. She knew it was his defense mechanism, but hell, she had feelings too! It took all of her reserves not to hex him. She would not give him the satisfaction that his childishness would affect her. But every night when she was alone in her room, she would cry herself to sleep, remembering how she had released herself to his touch, and now that same man whom she had opened up to was treating her like dirt. Yes, she understood the whys and reasons therefore, but knowing didn't make her heart stop hurting, or made her ego less bruised, and her feelings less hurt. In short, Amanda was humiliated!

***

An owl arrived two weeks later and asked if they could meet for another chat. She sniffled as she read his letter. She was weary and couldn't take much more. It was too hard! She got enough information about her father from him that she felt she could retrieve. Severus had recovered fully from his heart attack, and she had never wanted to be his apprentice anyway! Perhaps it was time to move on and start over again.

So, Amanda came and took her traditional seat on her side of the tree, freezing, and determined to end whatever this relationship was between them. They sat there in the snow, in silence for a long time. Amanda didn't know how to begin or where to start. Then he rose up and stood in front of her. His black cloak billowed in the wind. He looked so sad and contrite. He reached his hand out to her, and she accepted it. He embraced her and kissed her forcefully and with urgency. Amanda was intrigued with this Severus Snape, who was open, assured, and determined. So she allowed herself to be led back to the castle.

He took her to his rooms and slowly made love to her. She was bewildered and unsure of his tender passion, but soon she became eager and open to him setting the pace and direction of their coupling. He was silent the entire time, but was deliberate in his intention. It was a precious and tender experience for both of them. He again stroked Amanda and brought her to completion. She watched his tension filled face relax into complete bliss as he buried himself within her. She was enthralled at his joy of being inside her. Although it did not last long, she didn't worry; he would know other ways to pleasure her. She guided his fingers inside her and showed him how to stroke her more intimately. He watched in wide-eyed fascination as she cried out his name as she came. When she started to come down from her peak, he grabbed her and kissed her passionately. It was a dream come true for the wizard who only wanted a witch of his own to say his name in a way that made him feel safe and secure. It was a very intense and gigantic leap of faith for the hardened Potions master to lower his walls for the young Amanda Dangler. It was also a beautiful step in the right direction for the young and hardened Amanda Dangler, who had given up any hope of being able to trust any man ever again.

The next morning, they lay entangled in each other, silently listening to each other breathe, when he finally whispered in her ear, "I'm sorry."

Amanda turned her head to face him. She looked deeply into his onyx eyes and whispered, "I am sorry, too."

***

Snape walked into Dumbledore's office. The Headmaster was sober and deeply concerned over something. He silently listened to Dumbledore's news without emotion. Madam Peale was very aware of the growing rumors of Voldemort's return and believed them. Her experience as Madam Dangler left a terrible mark on her. She was terrified of Voldemort's return. She was going to France and demanded Amanda return with her.

"Severus, I'm sure Amanda would stay of you asked her to. I'm old, but not so old that it has not escaped my notice how close the two of you have become."

"No, Albus, it is better this way. When this war is over, then perhaps I can...perhaps." He stopped talking and slowly turned and left.

***

It was horrible! The last two weeks he had spent every spare moment enjoying Amanda's body. He had never been so happy and satisfied. She was as eager, since her own sexual history had been so lacking and dismal. He loved every minute he could spend naked with her, burying himself into her warm flesh and feeling her soft body move underneath him as she cried out her release. There was no other feeling in the world like it, he decided. To know you were giving the woman you loved such intense pleasure that she would cry out your name...that was worth doing anything for. And he hated the thought of giving her up now, just as he had discovered all the pleasures they could give each other! But he knew deep down he couldn't continue this way. He could only focus on one thought whenever he was not with her: when would he be able to bury himself again inside her? She drove him to distraction, and for a spy, it was too dangerous to be so distracted. He would have to send her away.

"No!" Amanda had cried when she found him packing HER things. "I want to stay with you...I belong by your side!" She grabbed him and held him tightly to her. He gently put his arms around her for a moment and pulled her away from him. It was agony. To hear her say she wanted to stay made him so happy he wanted to say fuck it all, leave everything else behind, and just disappear with her. But he had promises to keep.

"If I live through this war, I will marry you. Have I made myself clear?" he said gruffly as he finished the last of her packing.

"What did I tell you about being possessive?" she joked through her tears.

He smirked and held her tightly to him. "I'm just making myself clear so there will be no misunderstandings between us."

"Is that a proposal?"

"No, I will propose after the war. But for now, you have to leave me. I cannot focus with you around. Not being able to do all the things I have to do for the Order without my complete focus is making my life unbearable, not to mention dangerous for both of us. I cannot do the work I need to do and have these feelings around me all the time. It's far too risky and it could cost us our lives."

"Okay. I will leave. You come for me," she warned as she jabbed her finger into his chest. "Don't you dare die on me...I'll hex you so bad you'll wish you were dead!" She stopped...rolling her eyes as she realized how stupid she sounded.

He laughed so hard. "Feisty from the first moment we met...what else would ensure my survival than being threatened by you?"

***

Amanda Dangler walked into St. Mungo's Hospital. The nervousness she felt was choking her. She was terrified. As she sat and waited for news on Severus' condition, she watched as dozens of people trickled in with various wounds from the war. The moaning and sounds of pain was unbearable.

She had been in Greece when the word came that Voldemort had fallen. Rumors had abounded on the death toll. Amanda had waited two days for a word from Severus, but no owl came. She had felt something wasn't right. She had decided she would take matters into her own hands. She then had a fantastic row with her mother before leaving. She had been hastily packing her valise when her mother had stormed into her room, fuming and irate.

"How can you chase after that Death Eater? He is no better than your father...a vile, sick, evil swine!" she spat viciously.

Amanda did not stop her packing. "Mother, you cannot deter me. I've waited over two years for this day to come! I have to know if he is still alive."

"If he is, he'll be in Azkaban where he rightfully belongs! He murdered Albus Dumbledore! What more proof do you need that Severus Snape is evil?"

Her words had stung. It was true that she had doubted when she had heard about Dumbledore's death, and Severus' complicity in the whole affair, but after a period of reflection, she had decided to remain resolute until real proof could be shown to her, not just the ravings of the various Wizarding newspapers that she knew to be biased!

She had smiled at her mother. "That's what Papa told me. He was wrong too. I'm sorry, but I must go." She then walked to the door with her valise, and just before walking out, her mother had screamed at her from the top of the stairs and had continued ranting on her way down to meet her face to face.

"If you go back to that Death Eater, don't ever think of seeing me ever again! I suffered far too much to ever debase myself with another animal like him! But at least I know now why you were so insistent on going back to Hogwarts...even after he almost killed you! Your father ruined you; poisoned your mind! You must like being used and degraded by men like Snape! Well, if that is what you want, don't come crawling back here after he's broken you and destroyed your ability to ever love again!"

Amanda had been furious! "How can you judge me? You walked out on me when I was an infant! If Papa was so evil as you say...and I'm not disputing the fact he was...why would you leave me behind? I did the best I could with what you and Papa left me. I am tired of answering to you...a woman who abandoned her only child. I owe you nothing! I owe Papa nothing! I owe myself everything!"

Mother and daughter finally faced each other as women. At last, Amanda knew what her father had done to her mother. She felt so sorry for all of them. It was sad, to be sure, but she knew Severus Snape was not like her father. Maybe one day her mother would see it too. But even if she never would, Amanda was now free from her manipulations over her life.

"Goodbye, Mother," was all she had said as she Disapparated.

***

She sat in the waiting room waiting to find out the fate of the man she loved and had given up everything for. Finally, Kingsley Shacklebolt came out to speak with her.

"Absolutely amazing. If he had not been such a brilliant Potions master and had the antivenin on him, he would have died. He was barely alive when we got to him. His condition is very grave. You must prepare yourself for the worst. He still may die."

Amanda walked into the room. He was so thin and delicate with all the tubes running in and out of him. He looked as if he were already dead. She sat and took his hand in hers, and cried softly as she rested her head on his hand.

***

For days she stayed, watching over him and caring for him. She told him all about her life the past two years; how she tried to keep up with any news she could find about him. Sometimes she became so scared, she begged him to wake up. She pleaded while crying for him to not leave her. Then she would rage and yell at him to wake up. She even threatened to hex him if he wouldn't wake up!

One night she was half-awake, resting her head on the edge of his bed, her hand holding his when she heard a groaning by her. She lifted her head slightly and watched, holding her breath as Severus Snape opened his black eyes wearily. He slowly looked over at her and gave a twisted smile. She smiled back as the tears flowed down her face.

"I couldn't die," he whispered weakly. "You swore you'd hex me."

She burst out laughing as the tears streamed down her face.