Out of the Doubt that Fills My Mind...Part I

A/N: Please Review! It's better than chocolate! Thanks again to my beta, ImOnMedication.

***

It was January, and it was fucking cold. How could her mother send her away to this godforsaken climate! She'd been happier in France, but no, ever the Anglophile, Madame Peale-Dangler insisted her daughter get a proper education at a proper British school, even if it were only for one semester.

Amanda Dangler had changed a great deal in a very short period of time. Her father's suicide in November had unearthed a great deal more personal information than she had ever wanted to know about him. She learned her father had not forgone the old ways of the dark arts. The man she had loved and trusted was a liar. More than a liar: a vicious, animal that loved to torture and kill. The rooms that had been kept off-limits during her childhood were now hers to discover. Her discoveries were the stuff of nightmares. The unknown adult face of the man, Severus Snape, haunted her dreams. In her dreams at night, she envisioned a horrible, evil, bloodthirsty monster, and she could only hope she would never have to face him. But at the same time, in the daytime, she thought long and often about the boy, Severus Snape, and felt so sorry for him. In there was the conflict that never ended. She wished to make amends and comfort the boy, but was terrified of the man.

The rape of Severus Snape haunted her dreams, as did the rape he committed against that poor girl. Her dreams recently had turned on her. Now, she became the girl, and Severus Snape was raping her. She believed it in her soul that would be her fate if she were ever faced with him. He would torture and kill her. She would never be free while in Britain. She just had to get through this one semester, and then she could return to France in peace. Amanda was now a wealthy heiress thanks to her father's demise. She would never have to work a day in her life if she were so inclined.

But after the past two months, she changed drastically. She wanted to do something to get the stain off of her, and perhaps learn how to save her own hide in the future if any one of her father's victims came for revenge. She decided to return to France and become an Auror. She had excellent grades, receiving 'Outstandings' in Defense Against the Dark Arts and Potions, much to her mother's delight. She even managed to scrape by with an 'Outstanding' in Transfiguration. So she was determined to make her mark and, in the meanwhile, try to stay alive long enough to salvage the name her father, Charles Dangler, had ruined.

She kept to herself on the train. She had become increasingly paranoid over the past two months. She was hardened by her experiences. She trusted no one and was suspicious of everyone. She finally settled in a compartment that was mercifully vacant. She sat in her new robes, very plain, not like the beautiful blue robes she loved at Beauxbatons. These were just a dismal black. Oh, well, it's only for the semester and then I can start my real life, she reassured herself.

She followed the others to the carriages, and the sight of the thestrals made her sad. She never had seen a thestral before. Now she had another reminder that her Papa was really gone forever.

There were chatty girls and boys on her carriage, but she did her best to ignore them, even when they tried to include her in their conversation. She just glared at them and turned away. She wasn't here to make friends.

As they all walked in through the castle gate, a severe looking woman in a tartan hat stopped her.

"Miss Dangler, I presume?" she asked briskly.

"Yes."

"Follow me. My name is Professor McGonagall. I am the Transfiguration instructor here at Hogwarts. I am also the Deputy Headmistress and the Head of Gryffindor House. We are going to the Headmaster's office now to get you sorted immediately, so you can join us for the welcoming feast appropriately. The Headmaster's name is Albus Dumbledore."

They arrived at a gargoyle. "Fizzing Whizbee," she called out. The statue moved and a winding staircase appeared. She followed the Professor on up to the door of the Headmaster's office and entered after knocking.

"Ah, Miss Dangler has arrived!" said an old man with a long white beard and half-moon spectacles that covered his brilliant blue eyes. He was warm and kind. Amanda could tell by his demeanor. She felt comfortable in his presence.

"Headmaster," she replied with a slight curtsy.

"Please meet the other heads of our houses, Professors Sprout of Hufflepuff and Flitwick of Ravenclaw."

Amanda curtsied to both professors and then turned back to Dumbledore. He seemed out of sorts.

"I do apologize, the head of our fourth house, Slytherin, must be detained."

Amanda heard footfalls outside the door, and a blur of black came swiftly through the door. He was a scowling, dark, angry man who looked as if he felt he was doing the whole world a grand favor by being in the room.

"So glad you could join us, Severus," said Dumbledore.

Severus? Amanda thought, and her mind prickled at the name. Her hand tightened against her wand hidden in her pocket. Hex first, and ask questions later, hex first and ask questions later, she thought over and over in her mind.

She didn't want to look at him; dread was building in her stomach. Then Dumbledore said the wretched words, "Miss Dangler, this is Professor Snape, Potions master, and the head of Slytherin house."

"Snape?" she yelled.

She whirled around. He asked suspiciously, "Dangler?"

That was it. She unfurled her wand and attacked the Professor before anyone could react.

"IMPEDIMENTA!" she screamed at Snape.

He flew back and crashed against the door of the office. He jumped up, furiously angry, wand at the ready, and he yelled, "Incar..."

She was far too fast. She ducked under an armchair and yelled, "Expelliarmus!"

Snape's wand soared out of his hand. He watched in shock as this slight, blonde child calmly caught his wand. She glared at the dark, evil-tempered man while pointing her wand at him. She walked slowly towards him as if he were her prey. He stood straight and rigid, his eyes glittering madly.

"So, you must be the daughter of Charles Dangler?" he said dangerously.

Amanda was taken aback. She did not expect him to say her father's name. It was her mistake. In a flash, she was up against the wall of the office with Snape's hand clutching at her throat.

"Severus!" Dumbledore yelled. "Release her!"

She was losing consciousness. He was possessed. She raised her wand slightly, and a flash of purple light shot out it, causing Snape to release her. He was forced to pull back. He was crazed with rage. The bitch hit me with a Repulsion Jinx! She fell to the floor, gasping and choking for air. He whipped his wand from her hand and grabbed her roughly by the shoulder and placed her in the armchair that she had hidden behind so well beforehand. All the Professors were on their feet, wands at the ready, in shock. It was unbelievable for a student to attack a teacher so quickly, and of all teachers...Snape!

But what was more disturbing was the way Snape took the matter into his own hands. He grabbed the Sorting hat and placed it on her hand. Within seconds it screamed, "SLYTHERIN!"

"I might have known," sneered the Potions master.

Without taking his eyes off of her, Snape announced to Dumbledore that he would be taking Miss Dangler to her common room and a lengthy detention would be arranged with Filch. He then leaned into Amanda's face and told her in no uncertain terms that if she EVER brandished her wand in his direction again, she would be expelled.

She glowered at him. She wasn't going to let him frighten her. He studied her face, trying to search out any familiar traits of her father. She looks nothing like him. She's just an average looking girl. She must look like her mother, he thought.

Minerva had many times tried to speak, but Dumbledore kept hushing her, keeping his troubled and concerned eyes upon the two combatants. Snape grabbed the girl from the arm and jerked her upright and threw her towards the door.

"Severus," said Dumbledore. "I expect you to return here for a discussion over tonight's events, after Miss Dangler has been put away for the night. And please, no more altercations."

"Miss Dangler!" he said loudly.

Amanda looked up at the Headmaster. "Yes, sir?"

"I agree with Severus. Any more displays of that sort and you will be expelled. Am I understood?"

"What if he hexes me first?" she asked boldly.

"Impertinence!" hissed one of the portraits.

Dumbledore ignored the outburst. His eyes were troubled. "Why would you think Professor Snape would attack you? What I witnessed tonight was a terrible lack of self-control on his part, but, my dear, you attacked him first."

She bowed her head, didn't know how to explain the situation. Dumbledore knew there was more to this story, on both ends. For now, he would have to deal with the adult first. He would deal with the child later...although sometimes he wondered in a case such as this: who really was the child, and who really was the adult?

***

The walk to the Slytherin common room was full of tension. Amanda and Snape did not want to be behind the other, so they walked side by side, giving each other a wide berth. There were no pleasantries or rules given, as Snape normally would have done for a new student. They just sized one another up. He tried to glare at her, to make her fear him, but she was too far-gone in her anger and prejudice against him. She glared back at him with cold eyes of steel. Snape wondered how much this girl knew about her father's past. He would have to find out later. He tried probing her mind, slowly, trying to slip in unawares, but each time he tried, she would only glare at him with seething rage. Her mind was impenetrable, and she knew what he was about. That angered Snape further.

He told her the password and pushed her roughly inside. He told her where she would sleep and expected her to manage her way to the Great Hall for breakfast.

"After all, if you have no qualms over hexing a professor, no doubt you will find bullying your fellow Slytherins of no consequence," he said silkily.

He turned sharply to leave, but at the last moment before slipping out, he turned slightly and glowered at the young witch.

"If you ever repeat anything of this night's events to anyone, whatever evil poison your father has infiltrated your mind with will be nothing compared to what I shall do to you in reality. Good evening, Miss Dangler," he said softly. Then he walked out the door.

Amanda's hands shook and her legs gave out. She sank on the floor in terror. "What have I done? My God, I can't stay here!" She finally took control over her senses enough to curl up on a sofa near the fire with her heavy traveling coat. She slept, clutching her wand and dreamt of her Potions master's face hovering over hers in hate.

***

She must have been in a very deep sleep because she dreamt she was being poked by something, and she woke up to a group of sneering faces wearing Slytherin robes hovering over her, and indeed, one of them was poking at her with a stick.

One boy spoke up and addressed her harshly. "Who are you? he spat.

Amanda already had her fill of rude and obtrusive pricks for one night. If she wasn't going to take shite from the Head Slytherin, she certainly wouldn't from this blighter!

"Who I am is of no consequence to you!" she growled from her reclining position on the couch. She had at one point covered herself with her traveling cloak, and she had her wand at the ready. She peeked the tip out of the top of her cloak, near her face.

"Run along, little boy, or you will have to deal with my wrath. I'm not one to be toyed with," she snarled.

The boy smirked, and the group laughed. "So, think you can intimidate us, can you? Well, I'd like to see you try..."

Amanda whispered, "Sectumsempra", and a small gash appeared on the boy's thigh near his privates. He screamed, and the rest were gasping and backing away. When they all gave her a wide enough berth, she cast a Cave Inimicum Charm around her so no one would be able to come near her while she slept.

She didn't sleep long when the door to the common room opened and slammed shut. Her eyes opened slightly, giving the impression she was still slumbering as she watched Severus Snape stalk over to her and with a sneer made her charm disappear as if it were mere child's play.

"Miss Dangler, I have come from the infirmary and have seen your work. Impressive. I see you took to heart my comment on 'bullying' your fellow Slytherins?" he said silkily.

"If you call defending yourself from a group of rowdies poking you with a stick and hovering over you as 'bullying,' then I suppose you should except nothing less from me," she replied just as effortlessly.

Snape's jaw clenched, and he narrowed his glittering eyes. The tension was so very thick with hate and unspoken rage.

He rose and stood over her, his face set in a malevolent smile. "Detention, I believe, will be with me instead of Filch, our caretaker. It seems the worst thing I could possibly do is impose my presence upon you. So be it."

He leaned in over her and studied her face. He noticed the light scar around her left eye. "Had a little run-in with 'Sectumsempra,' eh?" He smirked. "Did your dear old Papa teach you that one?"

He knelt on one knee and leaned into closer to her face, his breath was hot on her left cheek. "I should know, I'm the one who taught it to him," he whispered in a deathly tone.

Amanda was frozen in fear and waited for him to back away from her person. She gripped her wand in her sweaty palm.

He backed up enough to look her face to face. He analyzed her face and, although he could not penetrate her mind, he could still see the primal fear in her eyes. It pleased him.

"You should fear me, Amanda," he murmured. "I am just as evil as your father told you, probably more so. After all, he only knew me as a very young man. I have honed my skills and talents over the years."

Amanda kept very still and refused to flinch or cow before him. She held her tongue and watched him as he rose and exited the common room. Now that she knew he could invade her presence at any time, there would be no sleep tonight.

***

Snape stalked the castle, making his usual rounds. He was at a loss to explain the reaction he drew out of the little chit. She was absolutely terrified of him, and yet, she still had the presence of mind to exhibit powerful dueling skills. But his inability to break into her mind and find the source of her fear would keep him from ever knowing the reason. Seeing the curse she had inflicted on Draco Malfoy highly impressed him. She had more than likely had been schooled by her father in the dark arts since she was a young child. Yes, he hated Charles Dangler with a passion, and if he had ever found him before he took his own life he probably would have done him a favor and sliced his throat for him. Pity, he thought, Dangler deserved a more tortuous death!

But why on earth is his daughter here? Obviously, he knew she came from Beauxbatons. So why did she transfer with only one semester left of school? It did not make sense. No bother, she would soon be sent packing off again in no time. He would make sure to milk her fear and temper for all it was worth and provoke her into another altercation...with him. And he would make sure when she fled Hogwarts in her terror, she would have something real and tangible to be afraid about, than just the memory of her diabolical father's ravings.