Twelve: Return

Chapter Twelve: Return

Severus returned to his office after dinner, desiring to reclaim his old life as quickly as possible, and put the past five days behind him as if they had never happened. He squelched the thought that it would be an impossible task, and he beat back the sense of despair and desolation that began to encroach on his consciousness as his customary loneliness crept back upon him, seeming almost a stranger after the past few days spent in the company of Minerva . . . and Albus.

He had been unable to urge Albus to stay and wait for Minerva, nor to persuade him to hurry back to her immediately after dinner. Severus didn't know what was wrong with the man, but clearly there was nothing he could do about it. He'd interfered with their lives too much, as it was, even if he had had any idea what to say that might convince Albus to go see Minerva. A harsh expression crossed his face, one that could be mistaken for a sneer, but which was more a grimace of pain, as he remembered Albus's revelation that he and Minerva were not simply long-time lovers, but that they were actually married. All that he had imposed upon Minerva over the last several days seemed all the worse, knowing that, and her kindness and generosity, all the greater. And Albus's own acquiescence – not just acquiescence, but his support – that had been a great sacrifice for him, Severus was sure.

Severus sighed as he approached his office. He was now even more indebted to the old wizard; he would have to find a way to dissuade him from their current course. He could pay for his own foolishness, when the time came. As Minerva said, he had a tendency to make self-destructive choices. He should bear the brunt of the outcome of those choices; it should not fall so heavily on others.

He withheld a groan as he saw Lupin waiting outside his office for him, smiling as he saw Severus approaching.

"Lupin," he greeted him curtly.

"Hi, Severus. As I said during dinner, I have a few things to go over with you, and I thought that now might be convenient."

"Tomorrow night would be better. You have another day of teaching, after all. I have a potion to brew." Severus wanted the werewolf away so that he could reset his wards. Of course, Lupin might expect to use his office again tomorrow . . .

"Oh, I know. But I found something that I wanted to ask you about, actually."

Severus sneered. "You found something, Lupin? Snooping your nose about where it didn't belong?"

Lupin reddened. Severus couldn't tell whether it was from embarrassment or from anger. "I did not 'snoop,' Severus. The Headmaster showed me where you kept the students' work, and other than that, I didn't look at anything. What I found was on top of your desk in plain sight when I came in on Tuesday morning."

Severus grunted. It had been a bad idea to have the beast teach for him; another sure sign he had not been in his right mind when he'd agreed to it. Seeing that Remus wasn't going anywhere, Severus gave the password to his office, letting them both in. He would change the wards at the end of the evening, if he had a moment's peace.

His desk was neat and tidy, a single pile of graded essays sitting in the centre of it. Severus sat behind his desk, forcing Remus to perch in one of his uncomfortable guest chairs, if he wanted to sit. Remus didn't seem to notice that Severus was taking over his office again, but reached into one of his capacious pockets to pull out a small sheaf of parchments. Wordlessly, he handed them to Severus, watching Severus's face. Other than a slight quirk of an eyebrow, the Potions master's expression betrayed nothing.

"I was surprised to see that Hermione Granger had detention with you, Severus. And particularly that you would have her write so many lines . . . not to mention their content."

Severus sneered. "You are not as clever as you think, Lupin." He waved his wand over the pages, revealing that the lines had been written with the aid of magic. Granger had been rather clever about it, though, varying the handwriting from line to line, making them look as though they'd actually been handwritten. He wanted to chuckle at her choice of lines, but restrained himself in Lupin's company.

"She wrote her lines using magic?" Remus looked perplexed. "What would be the point?"

"The point is to make certain dunderheads believe that she had detention and that she wrote lines for them, of course. She needn't have gone to such lengths, but she is a very canny young witch."

"Hmmpf. I heard something about that from someone –"

"Potter , no doubt," he spat. "Precisely why I trust no one. Idiot boy."

"Yes, well, he simply thought it was unfair that you had given Hermione detention when she had only tried to get them to keep quiet."

"Did they tell you what they were saying? No, I thought not." Severus narrowed his eyes. "Certainly the content of Hermione's lines – which I did not assign her, if you are not clear on that point yet – that should have told you something about their offense."

"Oh, well, all right, Severus. I just thought that a thousand lines . . . and such a long line. It seemed somewhat harsh."

Severus actually did bark a laugh at that. "Miss Granger assigned them to herself, and it should not come as a surprise to you, given what the girl is capable of. You didn't see Umbridge after the Headmaster retrieved her from the Forbidden Forest, did you? She is one of the few Gryffindors who actually uses her brain – and if you tell anyone that I said that . . ." Severus trailed off menacingly.

"No, of course not, Severus," Remus said hastily. "Well, you see that I finished grading the essays you assigned. If you'd like to look at them before the students get them back . . ."

"No. I will keep a copy of them, find out what they didn't understand, though." Severus waved his wand, duplicating the set of parchments on some blank parchment stacked on the corner of his desk, then handed the originals back to his stand-in. "You may return them."

"I don't know if I graded to your standards –"

"It is inconsequential, Lupin, as long as they apply themselves to mastering what they did not understand and are able to use it in practice." Grudgingly, he added, "I am sure that your comments were useful in that regard, even if your grades are inflated."

Remus beamed. "I have tried, Severus. It was good of you to have me substitute for you. I'm sure the Board of Governors wouldn't approve of having me back in the long-term, but I felt . . . somewhat redeemed coming back, even if only for a few days. I really appreciate your confidence in me."

"Albus suggested you. It was not my idea."

"But Albus said that he gave you a choice, and you chose me over Kingsley."

"Yes, well, my own first thought had been Moody, so you can see that I was not thinking clearly."

Remus chuckled. "Nonetheless, I appreciate it, Severus. Thank you."

"Mmm. You're welcome, then." He tried to put some sarcasm into the words, but bit it back at the last minute. It still came out grudgingly. "And I'll be brewing tomorrow." He sighed. "I will wait until tomorrow evening to change the wards. You may continue to use my office tomorrow, if you require it." There, he'd discharged whatever debt he may have had toward Lupin . . . although he still felt that Lupin owed him for so many years and so many injuries. But perhaps Minerva had been right, and it would be better for him to let go a little bit. It had always been such a comfort to remember all the hurts he had ever suffered and use them to justify his own behaviour, though.

"Thank you, Severus. That would be convenient." Remus stood there awkwardly.

"Well? Was there something else, Lupin?" Severus hoped that the werewolf didn't think he had a new friend. His hopes were dashed.

"I was just wondering if you'd like to have a drink tonight, later, after you're done . . . here . . ." Remus trailed off, unsure of what Severus actually had planned for the evening and feeling put off by the blank expression on Severus's face. Albus had said he thought Severus might appreciate a gesture of reconciliation; Remus thought that a drink might be an appropriate gesture. And Severus had made a gesture, himself, allowing him to use the office another day.

"I am somewhat fatigued after my trip, Lupin," Severus answered as civilly as he could.

"Um, of course. Right. But you know which rooms I'm using . . . if you change your mind. Just a drink. No need for, um, a lot of conversation." Remus couldn't read Severus's expression at all and felt increasingly stupid. He backed toward the door

"I am sure we both have something to do now, though, Lupin, so if you could leave to take care of your business, I can take care of mine."

Lupin nodded, opening the door. "Well, have a good evening, then, Severus. I am glad that your trip was a success . . . although it's all very mysterious."

Severus glared at him. Idiot Gryffindor. Anyone could be hanging about, listening. "No mystery involved, none whatsoever. You are surely aware that Professor McGonagall has not been recovering from the febrile magical distemper as well as Madam Pomfrey had hoped. Mongolian magical creeperwort must be picked within a few days of use for this particular potion. But you never were particularly good at Potions, were you?" A sneer escaped Severus, and he felt like smiling: it was so good to be back to normal again.

"You're right, Severus, of course." Remus backed out the door. "Good night."

Severus heaved a sigh of relief when the door closed behind his unwanted visitor. Hopefully the rest of the evening would be quiet. Severus began to read through the essays he had copied. He'd been right: Remus's comments were useful and his grading was too easy. If he finished reading these tonight, he might be able to get back to his book, Defence with No Danger is No Fun , before curfew and his rounds, although the book did not hold the same attraction for him as it had. Still, it was his only escape.

When there was a knock on his door twenty minutes later, Severus gritted his teeth, then said, "Come!" and flicked his wand to unlatch the door. His eyes narrowed as he saw who was standing there.

"I am afraid that the person you are seeking is not here. I believe he retired for the evening. You can see him tomorrow."

"I actually came to see you, sir. I hoped you would be here."

"Then get in here, Miss Granger, and shut the door behind you." Gods, he did not want to have yet another Gryffindor trying to have a heart-to-heart with him, particularly not one who had seen him snivelling and behaving like a love-sick fool. But it would be wise to speak with her, put the fear of Snape in her, keep her quiet and out of the way.

As soon as she closed the door, he flicked a casual nonverbal Imperturbable followed by a squelching Colloportus , emphasising that he was himself again and no longer required the assistance of a sixth-year student to cast a few spells.

"Well, Miss Granger?" He sat stiffly behind his desk.

"I just wanted to stop by to tell you that I'm glad you're back, sir, and to apologise."

Another Gryffindor apology! They always thought that an apology would heal all after they had behaved with no forethought. "And for what, precisely, are you apologising this time, Miss Granger?" he asked icily.

"I didn't realise that anyone else would be using your office, you see, and I left my lines on your desk for you. Remus – Professor Lupin – asked me about them. I had to tell him that you had me write them in my detention the other night, sir. I didn't know how much he knew, first of all, and secondly, Harry and Ron were standing right there. I think that Professor Lupin was rather upset about it, and he said he'd talk to you; even though I asked him not to, I thought he might, anyway."

"Yes, he did ask about them. Fortunately, he was so surprised by the fact that you hadn't really written the lines that he didn't think to ask why we needed such a ruse."

She smiled. "Oh, good! You two don't seem to get along particularly well, and I was rather nervous about any confrontation."

Severus glared at her. "I do believe I can hold my temper with a colleague, Miss Granger."

"I know, I just didn't want you to have one more reason to dislike him, that's all," she responded nervously.

"One reason more or less will change nothing. Not all things can be mended; you need to learn that if you are to get by in this world." When she merely nodded, looking uncomfortable, he recalled the reason for her supposed detention and added more gently, "But it was thoughtful of you to come by."

Hermione brightened some at that. "At least our ruse was convincing! I was a little worried because it might have seemed odd to the boys that you fetched me from the library, but they didn't ask about that."

"Hmmpf. Goes along with my general git behaviour, that I'd hunt you down in the library and drag you off to torment you." He smirked. "But these particular lines, Miss Granger: 'I will not associate with dunderheads when they are disrespecting Hogwarts' best teacher'?"

"Yes, well, I thought that was sort of git-like, and it was ambiguous as to which teacher the lines referred to."

"So you believe that Professor McGonagall is the best teacher at Hogwarts?" he asked, genuinely curious.

"I don't know. She is very good. I admire her a lot," Hermione equivocated.

Snape's lips twitched. "But I am not."

"I didn't say that . . . you can be quite good, sometimes." Hermione reddened.

"Mmm. But merely competent, not outstanding."

Hermione shrugged slightly, even more uncomfortable.

"You needn't answer that, Hermione. It wasn't a question." Severus swallowed a sigh.

"You are admirable, though, sir. Just not for the same reasons that I admire Professor McGonagall. But you are both very brave." Hermione's blush deepened and she looked down.

Severus remembered then that Hermione knew of his previous predicament and likely understood enough about the spell to know what had allowed him to return to teaching. He flushed. He should be nasty to her, show her that just because he had turned to her for help when he was not himself, it did not mean that their relationship had changed or that his feelings toward her had altered one whit. But that was untrue, and he remembered her Cheering Charm and her discretion, and he could not bring himself to be venomous toward her. He remembered how he'd felt after he had been so nasty to Minerva, and his subsequent resolution not to say anything if he did not know what to say, so he just nodded awkwardly at Hermione.

"I've been enjoying the chocolates, sir," Hermione said shyly, after a moment or two of silence.

"Good. Good." He looked at the young witch, who was perched on the edge of one of his chairs, and he felt a sudden rush of sorrow that he would not see her grow completely into adulthood, that he would be dead or lost by that time, that, even if he weren't, he could never be friends with another Gryffindor; his life simply did not permit it. And for now, he was her teacher, though he did not know for how much longer.

"Hermione," he said as gently as he was able, "I do appreciate your assistance over the last few days, and your continued discretion, but I put you in an unfair position, both initially, when you were trying to stop the argument, and later, when I asked you to do me that favour. I am your teacher, and it is my duty to protect you – and not just from escaped convicts and ravening werewolves." He paused a moment, wondering incongruously whether werewolves could be said to "raven," then he continued, "I also should not have asked you to take your valuable time to run that errand for me, either."

"I didn't mind, though, sir, really. And after all," she said with a grin, "I got some boomslang skin and a box of chocolates out of it, and I hadn't expected anything other than a bit of fresh air and exercise!"

"Nonetheless, I want you to know that if you need my assistance in the future, you may come to me. I may need to appear to be grudging about it – I am sure you know why – but you can count on my assistance and that I will do what I can to protect you in the future." Minerva's words about the safety of the students being his highest duty rang in his head again.

"Thank you, Professor. I had come to believe I could count on you." Hermione's expression was serious, even grave.

"And I let you down when you learned that I had been watching you from the shadows on Friday . . ."

"Well . . . yes, actually," she responded softly.

"I certainly did not intend to let it escalate as far as it did. I misjudged. But I should have intervened immediately, and I paid dearly for my inaction, Hermione, and not only I." He sighed. It did feel good to be able to speak to her like this, openly and truthfully, but it would have to be their last such conversation, and she would need to understand that.

"I know, sir. Umm, how is Professor McGonagall?" On seeing his expression, she added hastily, "If I may ask . . . I'm sorry. It's none of my business."

"Your Head of House is well. She was quite well when I left her," he said, wondering whether Albus had gone to see Minerva yet and feeling vaguely uncomfortable that he had not prevailed upon him to stay and see her.

"Good. I'm glad. I didn't think she wouldn't be, but –"

"I am sure you can speak with her in a few days, Miss Granger. I think it an inappropriate topic of conversation at the moment."

"Of course, sir. I'm glad you are both well, though."

"Thank you, Miss Granger." He hesitated. He remembered Minerva's exhortation to be kind. He couldn't always be kind; it would be foolish in the extreme. But here and now . . . "Miss Granger . . . Hermione, I do appreciate your assistance, as I said, and your discretion, and I am sure that Professor McGonagall does, as well. But you understand my position here. Beyond the fact that my requests of you in recent days have been . . . unorthodox . . . you are wise enough, I believe, to know that such interaction must not be repeated. Indeed, even this conversation stretches the bounds of prudence."

"I know, sir. I understand. You have to be a 'nasty bastard.' But I'll remember what you said today."

Severus quirked a slight smile. "I am sure you will, Hermione."

He stood and picked up his wand. "And now, Miss Granger, it is time to return to the reality of nasty bastards and proper professional distance. Continue to enjoy your chocolates, Miss Granger."

"I will, Professor. Thank you." She stood and waited while he lifted the wards.

Severus ended the Imperturbable and the Colloportus , then flicked his wand and opened the door. Raising his voice, he said, "Now be on your way, Miss Granger! And remember what I told you! I expect little of Gryffindors, though, and do not see why you should be an exception." The sneer in his voice was acid.

"Yes, sir. I'm sorry, Professor. I will try to do better in the future." Hermione sounded dejected and cowed, but, just before she turned to leave, she gave him a small smile and winked. His lack of reaction to this bit of cheek seemed to please her, and she grinned at him before allowing a suitably subdued expression to settle on her face and turning to leave.

Severus was prepared to close the door behind Hermione, when he heard her greet someone, and then that someone appeared in his doorway. A plague of Gryffindors. But Severus could not turn this one away, as dearly as he wished not to have to see him again for at least a few days. What do you say to the wizard whose wife you had just slept with, with his blessing?

"Good-evening, Severus."

"Headmaster." Severus nodded in greeting. "I did not expect to see you again this evening." He hesitated, then, thinking of his debt to Minerva, he said, "I had expected you to be spending it with Professor McGonagall."

Albus turned and closed the door behind him. Severus cast an Imperturbable, then, before Albus could say anything, said, "Albus, you should be with her, not wandering about paying visits on your staff."

"Thank you for your concern, Severus, but I have just come from her and will be returning shortly . . . I appreciate that you attempted to have me see her sooner than I did, too." Albus Transfigured one of the chairs into a pouffy chintz armchair and settled down.

"Hmmpf." Severus sat. "I do not mean to be blunt, but what are you doing here, then?" Suddenly worried, he said, "She is all right, isn't she?"

"Yes, she is fine, Severus. I am trying to make arrangements for the next few days. I would like to ask a favour of you tomorrow."

"I am meant to brew Minerva's potion tomorrow. I thought I would actually do so. We can send it to St. Mungo's and say that it was what remained after Minerva's treatment. After all, Moody did bring back a sufficient amount of Mongolian magical creeperwort to make a vat of the stuff, and the potion keeps indefinitely."

"Will it take you all day?"

"No, just the morning, probably. I should be able to decant it by early afternoon. If you would like me to take the afternoon Defence classes, I could probably take the last one, at least."

"That would be fine, but I will leave that to you and Remus to arrange. I would like you to take the sixth-year Transfiguration class tomorrow. It meets during your usual free hour. Her fifth-year OWLs class follows immediately after that. If you'd like to take that one, too, I have no objection, but if you would prefer, you may return to your final Defence class and have Remus take the fifth-year class."

"I would prefer to return to teaching my own class as soon as possible, Albus."

"Very well. Then when you make arrangements with Remus about that, could you ask him if he would mind staying on a few more days and taking Minerva's classes on Friday and on Monday? She will be returning to teaching on Tuesday. If he is willing to take her classes – all of them – until then, I would be grateful."

Severus opened his mouth, then closed it. He wished that Albus would just speak with the werewolf about it himself, but he supposed that it was the least he could do after having had sex with the older wizard's wife. "I am sure that he will be pleased to stay on a few days, Albus. I will speak to him about it for you."

"Very good! I will stop by your office tomorrow after lunch to see him and give him the lesson plans and such. And, Severus, one other thing . . . I know you will be busy, but I would like to spend more time with Minerva over the next few days. I am going to ask Filius to take on some of my usual day-to-day duties, and I would like to be able to tell him that he can count on your assistance."

"Of course he can, Albus. I have never hesitated to give him my assistance in the past; he knows that. You needn't even ask." Severus was somewhat annoyed that Albus felt he had to make it a special request. He may not be a particularly pleasant colleague, but he had always pulled his weight – more than his weight, in fact.

"I was somewhat surprised to see Miss Granger leaving your office, and looking so unhappy, as well, Severus. You really should be easier on her. She did exercise discretion and concern for you, after all."

Severus gritted his teeth. "And if it had not been you outside the door, but Draco Malfoy – or anyone else, for that matter – I am sure that it would have been quite eye-opening for them to hear me wish her to enjoy her chocolates as I bade her a fond adieu," he said acerbically.

"Well, of course, you are right, but you needn't be facetious, Severus. A simple 'good-evening, Miss Granger,' would suffice and would raise no suspicions."

"I was not being facetious, Albus. I was being quite literal. Before I shooed the girl from my office, I told her that I hoped she would continue to enjoy the chocolates I gave her."

Albus looked at him, brows raised. "You gave Miss Granger chocolates, Severus?"

Severus hesitated. He had a perfect memory of the past five days, and it was extremely uncomfortable to remember most aspects of them. Almost every aspect, in fact. He sighed. "Are you aware that I gave Minerva a box of chocolates, Albus?"

"Yes . . . I saw them. I had a white chocolate filled with effervescent lemon cream. It was . . . quite nice." He looked at Severus, a bemused expression on his face. "That was the favour you had asked of Miss Granger, then? To fetch the chocolates for Minerva?"

"Yes. And," Severus said, looking down at his desk and shaking his head at the memory, "I had her purchase a second box for herself. They were huge boxes. Hermione's isn't as large as Minerva's, of course, but I imagine they will last her for weeks, since it would be rather difficult to share a large, heart-shaped box of chocolates without having to answer a lot of questions about where she got them. That was also an ill-conceived idea, but I was feeling . . . grateful, and slightly guilty, and she was pleased . . ." He looked up at Albus. "So you see, Albus, I was not gratuitously nasty to her. And I believe she quite enjoys playing along when I insult her now."

"Do you, Severus? And her unhappy expression clues you into that?" Albus asked with a slight smile.

"No, her wink and her grin clued me in," he said sharply before cutting himself off, suddenly aware of what he'd said and afraid the Headmaster would draw the wrong conclusions. Severus ground his teeth together and glared.

But Albus just grinned at him, the barmy old codger. "Well, that's nice, Severus. Another ally within the Order. Of course, she's not in the Order yet, but she will be."

"It will hardly matter, though, Albus, by that time –"

"Well, that is a discussion for another time," Albus said, interrupting. "You know how to find me, though, Severus. You may Floo through, if necessary, and fetch me. Or you may call Wilspy. I shall tell her to continue to respond to you if you call. I will tell Filius that he can rely on you to contact me in an emergency. Normally, Minerva takes care of everything when I'm away, but with both of us gone, well, Filius may need to call upon you. Oh, and Minerva gave me this for you. It's Miss Granger's letter. The password is the same as it was. 'Phoenix.'"

Severus nodded and accepted the parchment from Albus's outstretched hand, wishing he could be left alone to return to his normal, miserable existence, rather than having to suffer through this prolonged, irritating reminder of his folly and his embarrassing behaviour over the last several days.

"Minerva is probably waiting for you, Albus."

"Yes, right. I'll just stop by and see Filius, then I think I'll be through for the evening. I will not be at breakfast, but I will come to either lunch or dinner, I believe . . ." Albus edged toward the door.

Severus stood. "Good-night, Albus." There must be some residue of the spell remaining, he thought, for he felt inexplicably guilty now, wanting to rush the old wizard off the way he had. "Wait, Albus . . . I wanted to say something."

Albus paused by the door as Severus came around his desk.

"Thank you." Severus looked at him, wishing he knew what else to say, but even if he were normally better at expressing gratitude, this situation was so unusual, he'd likely still be at a loss for words. He swallowed. "Just . . . thank you. For everything these last days."

Albus's eyes glittered brightly with gathering tears. He raised his right hand slightly, then dropped it, reaching out with his left one, instead, and grasping the younger wizard's arm. "I am glad you are well, Severus. Very glad, indeed." He gave Severus's arm a squeeze. "You will come for a drink one evening after Minerva has returned, won't you?"

Severus nodded stiffly, uncomfortable with the old wizard's emotion. At least he hadn't tried to hug him. "Of course."

After Albus left, Severus went back and sat at his desk. Stuffing Hermione's letter into his warded drawer with his copy of Defence with No Danger, he remembered how he had sat there the previous Friday, listening to the Slytherins arguing, how he had afterwards returned to his desk and how, realising that the spell had affected him, he had decided to see Minerva to ask her for her help.

Severus held his head in his hands. He would get no work done that evening. And he had to see Lupin. Sighing, he left his office and set off for the guest room near Gryffindor Tower. Lupin would probably offer him that drink, but better to get the arrangements over with now. And he could use a drink. Even if it was with a werewolf that had tried to kill him.