Three: A Difficult Discussion

Chapter Three: Difficult Discussions

When she returned to her rooms, Minerva found Albus still in her sitting room, dozing in a tall wingback chair. She slipped off her shoes, then quietly crossed over to him and removed his glasses. He looked up and smiled at her.

"You didn't need to wait up for me, Albus," Minerva chided gently.

"I wanted to see you before you retired, my dear."

"Before I retired? I know I must stay in my own room tonight with the situation as it is, but do you really have to go back to the Headmaster's suite?" She gently caressed his face then traced his lips with one finger.

He caught her finger up in his mouth and sucked its tip before taking her hand in his and kissing it. "I don't need to stay there, but it is probably wise. You saw how Severus reacted this morning."

"But I will be going to him tomorrow. Please stay. You are the one who said we should extract as much normalcy as possible out of this situation." Albus seemed to be considering what she had said. "And I should feel quite abandoned, I promise you."

"Mmm. Well, we can't have that, can we? Come here." He tugged her hand, and she settled on his lap, snuggling against him and kissing his cheek.

"Oh, yes, now, this is much better," she breathed, her words tickling his ear before she nipped his earlobe and licked it lightly, then leaned back to look at his face. She smiled to see him flush.

Albus caressed her cheek and neck, pausing only slightly before continuing on down to gently stroke her breast through her robes, flicking his thumb where he knew her nipple was. He watched the progress of his caress and whispered, "This is the only time that I ever completely regret my injury. I miss being able to touch you properly with both hands. To have that pleasure myself and to bring you pleasure, as well."

Minerva stopped his words with a gentle kiss to his lips, first full on his mouth, then proceeding to his lower lip, kissing, licking, and suckling it as she knew he liked. She moved even closer to him, rhythmically pressing her thigh against his erection, and reached beneath his beard to begin unfastening his robes, beginning with the top-most button. Albus returned the favour, pushing her teaching robe off her shoulders, then tugging the lacing at the back of the emerald green robe she wore beneath it, loosening it enough so that he could encourage it down around Minerva's waist; Minerva withdrew from her caresses long enough to pull her arms from the sleeves. Albus kissed her deeply before drawing back to look at her again. A whispered spell, and her camisole's small mother-of-pearl buttons were undone. She shrugged it off, and it fell to the floor behind her.

Minerva leaned forward again, brushing her nipples against his beard; cradling the back of his head in her right hand, she began to kiss him again, slowly and sensually, then urged his tongue into her mouth. With her left hand, she continued to open Albus's robes, reaching in occasionally to stroke and tease his skin, drawing circles around his nipples with her fingernails. When Albus reached between them and took hold of her breast, fondling its nipple, Minerva moaned into his mouth and quickly finished unbuttoning his robes, shifting her weight slightly so that she could access his erection with her hand. It was his turn to groan.

Albus pulled away from their kiss and rested his head on her shoulder, gently kissing her neck and collarbone. "Minerva, perhaps we should stop." He kissed her shoulder then nipped it lightly, his actions belying his words.

Minerva stopped stroking his erection, but maintaining her hold on it as she leaned back. "Stop? You want to stop? You never want to stop, Albus," she said huskily. "Even that time in the staff room when there was a meeting in ten minutes, you didn't want to stop . . ."

"There was a ward on the door, my dear." He kissed her cheek gently and caressed her from her breast to her hip.

She returned his kiss, moving back to his lips, and she brushed her thumb across the head of his cock, spreading his moisture over it. "Mmm, but you didn't want to stop, even though someone may have been waiting right outside the door, able to hear . . ." She pulled back again, looking at him. "Why, Albus? . . . Does it bother you that Severus has been here all day? He has not touched me in any way that he couldn't in public – not that he would, of course."

"No, it's not that, although it is because of the current situation." He reached down and disengaged Minerva's hand, which had begun to gently stroke and tease him again. He lifted her hand and kissed it.

"It's not at all the same when he kisses my hand, Albus, as when you do, truly."

"I know, my love." He put an arm around her and drew her close; she rested her head on his shoulder.

"What is it then?"

"Are you sure that he is asleep? The Dreamless Sleep I gave you for him today was a stronger dose, but he woke very early this morning."

"I saw him take it, Albus. He was asleep within seconds. Besides, I would be aware of it if he woke up – I cast the nursery charm, remember? We are in no danger of having him Floo through at the moment."

Albus sighed. "It's not only that, though, my dear. You and I need to talk. And I was quite serious this morning when I told Severus that I did not want to be an additional source of torment to him in this situation."

"He won't know. How could he know, unless one of us said something? He may guess, but I doubt very much that he would ask about it. He does have some manners – and in this situation, even if courtesy didn't keep him from asking, his own desire not to have to think about me making love with you would keep him from it."

"Still, it might also make it more difficult for you, my dear."

Minerva looked puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"You know that his gestures of affection will need to increase in intensity, even in nature, as time passes. Won't it be more difficult for you to accept them if we are still being intimate?"

"No! I don't particularly want to think about it at the moment, Albus, but I can honestly say that if you were to turn away from me now, it would make it more difficult for me, not less. It is easier to be patient and generous with Severus when I know that you are waiting for me, that I can return to your arms." Minerva leaned forward and kissed him, then tried to resume her previous ministrations, but Albus stayed her hand.

"We do need to talk about it, though, Minerva." He looked at her seriously. "I will not leave you tonight and," he said, smiling, "I look forward to resuming our previous activities, but I think that we should talk first. And I think we would both find it easier if we covered up a bit – I would be less distracted, my dear!"

"After the thousands of times you have seen me, Albus, I wouldn't think that the sight of me could still distract you."

"Always, Minerva, always," he whispered, kissing her softly.

Minerva stood and allowed her robes to fall to the floor around her. Albus looked at her, pupils dilating darkly.

"Well, I wouldn't want to distract you, Albus. I'll just nip into the bedroom and put something on." Minerva walked toward the bedroom door, quite naked but for her stockings and a rather spare set of lacy knickers. She turned to Albus and smiled, looking him up and down. "I do see what you mean, though, about distraction. Perhaps you might tuck away your own rather distracting . . . attraction for me while I'm gone, hmm?" She licked her lip with the tip of her tongue before turning again and leaving the room.

Albus looked down. His erection was protruding from beneath his beard, indicating quite magnificently how attractive he still found Minerva after all these years. When she returned from the bedroom a moment later, a dressing gown wrapped around her, he had moved to the sofa, removed his shoes, and partially buttoned his robe to keep himself modestly covered – for the moment.

Albus patted the sofa beside him, and Minerva sat down and began to lean against him. "No, my dear, we need to speak quite seriously, and I think we can do that better if we are looking at each other."

Minerva straightened. "All right, Albus. What is it you wish to say?"

He took her right hand in his left and squeezed it. "You know even more about the Actus Adfectus Amor Verissimus tonight than you did last night. Is your assessment of the situation similar to mine? What do you think of the chances of finding a counter-spell to it?"

"I haven't given up hope, yet, Albus. It does seem to me that the few leads that I thought I had found will not prove helpful, after all. But you brought those scrolls; perhaps the answer lies in one of them."

"And what have you told Severus?"

"That I had found some promising leads. That there was hope, especially with you helping us."

Albus looked pensive. "I do not believe that we should give up, and we should certainly continue to be optimistic for Severus's sake for as long as possible, but I am not at all sanguine that we will find any spell or potion that will counter the effect of the Adfectus. I believe that we will find that the reason the other Adfectus spells were time-limited, yet Amor Verissimus is not, has to do with the nature of Amor Verissimus and little to do with the Actus Adfectus portion of the spell." Albus sighed.

"And for us that means . . . ?"

"From the research I was able to fit in today, it seems as though one can – theoretically, at least – have more than one 'true love' in one's life and that, in the case of this spell, 'true love' refers not to a unique love, but to one that is of a lasting, abiding nature. Even if Severus were to go on and find another love, perhaps even another 'true love,' his love for you would never leave him. I believe that is why the spell does not wear off by itself. The kinds of emotions that the other Adfectus spells are aimed at are, for the most part, of a more ephemeral, fleeting nature – such as jealousy, desire, lust, hatred, anger, and loyalty – and although loyalty and hatred can come very close to having the same lasting quality, even the greatest loyalty and the strongest hatred can wane or be eclipsed in a way that true love cannot. Because of this difference, I do not believe that inquiry into those spells will be of as much help as I had originally hoped."

"But you said to Severus –"

"I know what I said, Minerva. I did not believe it advisable to explain it to him in such detail. There is still the possibility that I am wrong, or that there is other material in the scrolls that will be helpful, but in his current state, he would only hear my doubt, not my hope. He will fare much better as long as he believes that we are optimistic, my dear."

Minerva nodded slowly. "Yes, I see that." She shook her head, remembering the conversation she had with Severus before Albus returned. "He spoke of suicide tonight, Albus."

"What? Do you think he will –"

"He promised me that he wouldn't. He had been going on about the end stages of this . . . curse. But when I told him that we would not allow him to suffer, he asked me to have you prepare a potion and that he would take it from my hand . . . It was quite disturbing to hear him speak like that, Albus."

Albus was silent a moment, looking down at her hand in his own. "I've had to extract the same promise from him before, but as you might imagine, I left room for some exceptional circumstances, given the work that Severus does for the Order. I do not approve of suicide, but if death is inevitable, and one has a choice in how one may die . . . there are circumstances in which our choices are limited, you understand, Minerva."

"Naturally I understand that, but I will not help him to commit suicide because some fool girl hit him with a spell she had no business casting in the first place. It is not an option," Minerva said firmly.

"Then you understand what the only other option may be, my dear?" Albus asked, looking directly into her eyes.

She sighed. "Of course I do, Albus. I have not discussed it with Severus, although I have emphasised that we would not allow him to die, that we would find a way out. I have not spoken of that particular way out, however. I have not wanted to think about it, myself."

"You should think about it, though, Minerva. You need to confront it, even more so than Severus does. You have some time to get used to the idea . . . to become comfortable with it."

"Comfortable with it? I do not see how I can ever become 'comfortable' with the idea, Albus. Resigned, if necessary . . . I could kill Pansy Parkinson right now." Minerva's eyes were hard with anger toward the girl.

Ignoring Minerva's stated desire to kill one of her students, Albus continued, "I would prefer . . . no, my own preferences are unimportant. I would hope that you are able to become comfortable with the idea – and with the reality of it, as well, for your sake as well as for Severus's."

Minerva was quiet for a moment. "I do not know if I can be. And I do not understand your attitude. Of course we cannot let him die, but you seem . . . almost as though you do not care, Albus."

"Oh, I do care, very much, Minerva, my love." He sighed. "How to explain this to you? I am not giving you my blessing to have an affair. The thought that you might have an affair with some other man would never even occur to me now." At her raised eyebrow, he added, "It has been a very long time since I might have considered that you might want to be with another man, Minerva. I am quite secure in our relationship. I am sure you know that. And if everything I believed about the strength of our bond were false, and you were to have an affair, even just a single tryst, with another man, I would be quite devastated. But my belief in you, in us, runs so deep, it rises to more than mere belief. I know you, Minerva, and I know what our relationship means to you. I have complete and perfect faith in you, my love."

"As well you should, Albus," Minerva replied softly. "But I still do not understand . . ."

"It is not for me to request that you do anything with respect to Severus in this situation. It is not even my place to give you permission. Do you understand? It is your choice how you approach this, but if you do not wish Severus to die, and we are unable to find a third option, your choices are somewhat limited."

"I know that, Albus. Do we really need to discuss this? It's distressing enough to consider it in the abstract . . ."

"Yes, we must. Although it is not my place to give you my permission, I want you to know that, if you require it of me, you have my permission to do whatever it is that circumstances bring you to do. And it is also not my place to make any requests of you, either, but I would like to express the hope that you will . . . take what good you can of it."

"What do you mean? I am glad for your . . . permission . . . to do what must be done. It does make me feel a little more comfortable, I suppose. But the other – you cannot mean that I should encourage him or something?"

"No, although he may need some encouragement; I do not know. What I mean to say, my love, is that you should try to . . . take pleasure in it, to whatever extent you are able . . . to enjoy yourself, if that's possible." Squeezing her hand, he stopped her protest. "Hush, now, Minerva. I say this not because I relish the thought of you . . . well, you know, but because I cannot bear the thought of you merely enduring it. That, to me, is much worse. I would rather believe that it was something other than a repugnant necessity to you. As I said, whatever you do in this situation is your choice. I would not stop you from doing whatever you decided you had to do, even if it were only out of a sense of duty to save Severus's life and you found it entirely revolting. And obviously I cannot dictate your feelings about it, but I would like you to know that I would rather have you enjoy yourself, as far as that is possible in such circumstances, than to know that you are submitting to something that disgusts you. Can you understand that, my love?"

Minerva nodded slowly. "Yes. I do see what you mean. Both from your perspective and just as a matter of what choices I do have in this situation. I could not live with myself if I allowed Severus to die if I could prevent it by allowing him . . . But I had never considered that I might have some choice other than simple rejection or submission. I have tried to make him comfortable with his expressions of affection, such as they are at the moment. And occasionally he is really rather sweet in some of the things he says, although I know that the spell is responsible for it. I suppose it would be easier on him if I were to . . . not appear to loathe his touch when it came time."

"Yes, it would be. Both at the time and later. He will not forget what has happened once the spell releases him, you know. How well both of you are able to deal with it will depend a lot on the attitude you present to him. I would like . . . " Albus hesitated.

"What would you like, Albus?"

"It is, as I have said, up to you how you deal with him, but given the circumstances . . . it would not be a bad thing . . . if Severus could feel something of what it means to be loved." His voice broke, and Minerva was surprised to see tears fill Albus's eyes.

"What is it, Albus? Tell me, please." She didn't imagine he was merely overwhelmed by sentimentality.

"It's . . . you know there are things that I am unable to tell you. And I do not even know myself . . . It may be that I will need to send Severus into even deeper cover, my dear, though I do not wish to. We are seeking a way around it, but in this instance, I am afraid that Severus is more hopeful than I am that we will find another course." He blinked, and Minerva reached out to brush away the few tears that trailed down his cheeks.

"He will have to leave the school, you mean, and spend all of his time as a Death Eater?"

Albus closed his eyes and sighed. "I ought not have even told you that much. And it may not come to pass."

"I wondered why you had given him the Defence position. I always thought he asked for it every year in order to satisfy certain expectations of him, not because he really wanted it. Although I do think he is going to do well in it. But he won't last more than a year, either, will he?"

"The position is still cursed, I am sure. But I do not think we should be discussing this. At least not right now, Minerva. And I do not ask you to do something for him out of pity, and I actually don't want to feel as though I am asking you to do anything for him. But if you could bear in mind Severus's position and his nature . . . "

"Of course, Albus, always. It has been on my mind since he first fell through my doorway. This has been very hard for him. It goes against the entire persona that he has built for himself."

"I think, then, that we two shall try to make this easier for him, are we agreed on that?" Minerva nodded in response, and Albus continued, "And I will do whatever it takes to make this easier for you, as well, my love. I have made some arrangements, which I will tell you both about tomorrow, that I hope will help, if you agree to them."

"All right, Albus. It is getting very late; you can tell me tomorrow when you tell Severus."

"You do know, my dear, that I love you beyond all reason, don't you? And I believe in you utterly." He smiled and kissed her cheek.

"I know, Albus," she whispered, leaning in to embrace him. "And you are my very life. My very life."

A few hours later, the two woke to an extremely loud rendition of a Bach Toccata and Fugue in D minor for organ. Minerva scrambled for her wand, thankful when the music stopped as soon as her hand touched it.

Albus was sitting bolt upright in bed. "My God, Minerva, you could have warned me!"

Minerva lit the bedside lamp. "Sorry, Albus. I just used the same charm Melina used when her children were small. She's a very heavy sleeper. I didn't think to change it."

She grabbed her tartan dressing gown and slipped her feet into her slippers. As she shuffled toward the sitting room, she said. "I'll probably be back soon, Albus. You just go on to sleep."

"If my adrenaline level will allow me to," Albus grumbled, dousing the light and rolling over.

Minerva Flooed to Severus's quarters and used a simple Lumos to light her way across his sitting room to his bedroom door, barking her shins on a pile of books only once. She knocked lightly on the door before opening it. She could barely make out Severus's form curled up on his bed. Waving her wand, Minerva lit the candles in the sconce next to the door.

Severus was curled into a ball, sheet twisted about his legs, a pillow clutched to his chest. He looked up at her and blinked. "Minerva. I waited for you, Minerva." His words came out in a low whimper, as though he were in physical pain.

Minerva rushed to the bedside. "I'm here, Severus, I came." It hadn't been more than a couple of minutes between the alarm and her arrival. Had the charm malfunctioned? Had he been awake a long while? "I got here as quickly as I could, Severus," she said as she sat beside him.

"I know. I knew you would. But I dreamed, Minerva. It was dreadful." He reached out and took the hand she offered him.

Minerva was startled. Albus had said that the Dreamless Sleep Potion was stronger, yet here it was, not yet three o'clock in the morning, and Severus said he had dreamed. "What did you dream, Severus?" she asked gently.

"I'm not sure." He let out a great sigh and kissed her hand. "I think I was trapped. I was trapped and trying to wake up, but I couldn't. It wasn't really a dream, I think, just . . . terror."

"I think we should see what other sleeping potion we might try, then. I think it would be preferable to actually dream and be able to wake up from it, don't you?"

"Mmm." Severus kissed her palm. "You are always so wise, my sweet Minerva, just as a goddess should be."

"Severus, are you fully awake?"

He looked at her. Minerva's forearm had replaced the pillow that he had clutched to his chest earlier. "Yes, I think so."

She sighed. "Do you suppose I might have my arm back, then?"

Severus let her go and pushed himself back away from where she sat at the edge of his bed. Being so entangled in his sheets made that difficult. "I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"Don't be, Severus, please. I don't mean to be cross with you." Remembering Albus's words of the night before, she reached over and smoothed his hair back from his face. "You know, it is lovely to hear you say some of the things you do, Severus. But although I may seem like a goddess to you, I am just an old witch who is a bit short on sleep."

"You aren't so old, Minerva. You are in your prime." The imperative having been soothed for the moment, Severus was able to stop himself from waxing lyrical about Minerva's many virtues, although he would have liked to continue.

"Perhaps. But I am still short on sleep, Severus. Do you think you will be able to fall asleep again if I leave you?"

"I will try, Minerva."

She recognised his tone. "I didn't ask you if you would try, Severus, I asked you if you would be able to."

"I don't know," he answered soberly. "Perhaps. But if I did, I'd likely wake up in an hour or so, needing to . . . see you again."

Minerva sighed. "Will you be all right for a few minutes by yourself?"

"Of course," he answered, wishing she hadn't needed to ask.

"I need to go see Albus about this, but I will be back, do not worry."

"I know you'll be back if you say you will be, Minerva." He swallowed hard. "It's terrible to trust someone. Almost as terrible as trusting no one. I am sorry I am putting you through all this. Albus, too."

"Don't even think about it, Severus. Here, now, give my hand another kiss, hmm? Good. I'll be back soon."

She left Severus's bedroom and Flooed back to her own rooms. She really was too old for this. And poor Albus. He opened his eyes when she entered the bedroom and lit the bedside lamp again. "How was he?"

"Not well, I believe." Minerva told Albus of the state she had found Severus in and how he described the terror of feeling trapped and unable to wake up.

"What time is it?" he asked.

"A few minutes before three, now. He woke up about fifteen minutes ago."

"I had hoped he would be able to take Dreamless Sleep at least one more night, but I think not." He considered for a moment. "And you don't believe he'll fall asleep again?"

"You know as well as I that Severus is something of an insomniac even under normal conditions. Even if he were to doze, I have no doubt that he will wake up again in an hour – less than that, now – and need to see me again. Despite that, and despite Severus's opinion that I am in my prime – don't laugh, Albus! – I do need some sleep. I really don't want to stay down in the dungeons with him, Albus."

"All right, have him come up here again, then. We can Transfigure the sofa into something a bit more accommodating for him . . . then he can just come in whenever he has the need to see you. It's not ideal, but at least you'll get a little sleep. I will Transfigure the sofa for you before I leave."

"Please don't leave, Albus. He knows you're here, anyway. I'm not ready for you to leave. Please?"

"All right, love. But I had better put on a nightshirt or perhaps pyjamas – and it would not be amiss if you donned a nightgown before you went to fetch him. And do warn him that I'm here, will you?"

Minerva pulled on a sleeveless, tartan cotton nightgown that buttoned to the neck, then put her dressing gown back on over it. "I hope that we find a solution soon, Albus. This is exhausting."

Minerva Flooed back to find that Severus was not in bed. There was water running in the bathroom. She sighed. She felt as though she could fall asleep standing up. Knocking on the bathroom door, she called out, "Severus? All right in there?" There was a muffled reply and some splashing. Minerva sat down in the chair next to his wardrobe. Despite his condition, Severus had very carefully placed his shoes next to the chair before he went to bed the night before, ready for the next day. Rather like a little boy, Minerva thought. She leaned her head against the side of the wardrobe and fell into a light sleep, waking with a start when the bathroom door opened.

"I thought I'd take my shower now. I didn't realise you would be back so soon." He was wearing a heavy, navy blue terry cloth robe. "Um, I suppose I should get dressed."

"Why don't you just put on a fresh nightshirt for now, Severus. I thought you could come back up and nap on my sofa during the intervals. Just bring a set of robes with you for the morning – and whatever else you think you may need."

Severus hesitated. "Are you sure?"

"It's preferable to my having to Floo down here every hour for the next three or four hours, Severus. This way, you could just come in and wake me when you need me, all right?"

"If you don't mind . . ."

"What I mind is that fool Parkinson getting only a week's detention with Filch. I'm of a mind to make her clean the Owlery on her hands and knees, at least . . . Yes, I will find Filch in the morning and tell him. Come on, Severus, let's go." Seeing Severus's face crumple before he turned away from her and busied himself at his dresser drawer, Minerva softened. "As I said, I am very happy to help you, but I do get cranky when I am short on sleep, Severus. I hope you will forgive me if I am less than patient at the moment."

Severus turned, and Minerva could see that tears had welled up in his eyes. "Please don't apologise! I don't know what's wrong with me, Minerva – well, obviously, it's the spell – but I am insulted and denigrated all of the time; I'm used to it. And now you are justifiably impatient," Severus sniffled a bit, "and no more sharp with me than usual, and I turn into a snivelling baby."

"Hush, Severus, don't concern yourself. It's perfectly all right." Minerva went over to him and awkwardly patted him on the arm. "I'll wait for you in the other room, hmm?" At Severus's nod, she went out to his sitting room and stood next to the fireplace, leaning against the mantle. She feared if she sat down, she would fall asleep again. She and Albus probably should not have stayed up so late . . . but she had needed him.

A few minutes later, the two of them had Flooed back to Minerva's rooms, where Albus was waiting for them, sitting in the wing chair and smoking a long pipe. Minerva shook her head slightly when she saw the pipe, but didn't say anything. When a wizard's over one hundred fifty, it seemed rather pointless. And it was an occasional treat for him, not a real habit. She hadn't even been aware that he smoked a pipe until she had known him more than twenty years. Severus obviously hadn't been aware of it at all, for he stood and stared.

"I'm sorry, my boy, I thought you knew I was here. Didn't you tell him, Minerva?"

"I forgot. I do have a few things on my mind, you know," Minerva retorted.

"What? No, it's not that you're here, Albus. I thought you might be. It's . . . " He stared, mouth agape.

"What?" Albus looked down at what he was wearing. Perfectly respectable, conservative red pinstripe pyjamas and a red dressing gown.

"You . . . you . . . you smoke?"

"No. Well, obviously, yes. But only a pipe. Occasionally." He looked over at Minerva. "Very occasionally. And usually not in Minerva's rooms. But I will do a nice freshening charm, my dear, I promise," he said, looking over at Minerva, who was plumping the pillows on the bed that Albus had Transfigured from her settee.

"Don't worry about it, although Severus might prefer it if you did . . . You know that my objection has nothing to do with the smell of the tobacco, which I actually don't mind."

Albus twinkled and turned to Severus, "We have had the same conversation at least once a year for the last . . . what? Thirty-five years?"

"At least," grumbled Minerva. "If I finally admit you win, will you put it away for now?"

"Yes, my dear." With an odd twist to his left hand, which held the pipe, Albus banished it to who-knew-where; another wave of his hand, and the smoke dissipated, although the aroma lingered. "Will that do?"

Minerva gave him a crooked smile. "That's fine. Thank you."

Albus turned again to Severus. "Now, my boy, Minerva has asked me to stay. And I, too, need my sleep. Will you be all right out here if I stay with Minerva, or would you prefer that I Transfigure another bed out here for myself and stay with you?"

Minerva opened and closed her mouth. She didn't want Albus camped out in her sitting room; he might as well Floo to his own quarters. But these were unusual circumstances, she recognised, so she said nothing.

"Um, it's okay. If Minerva would like you to stay." Severus looked over at Minerva. "She doesn't need a chaperone, Albus. I think she knows that. So if she wants you to stay . . . she doesn't want you to stay out here with me," Severus finished, blushing.

"I wasn't implying that she needed a chaperone, Severus; you were here all day yesterday, after all. But I am glad you are understanding about this. Now, Minerva, you look dead on your feet! Off to bed with you!" Albus took Minerva's arm, led her into the bedroom, and shut the door behind them. As soon as the door closed, he enfolded her in his arms, gingerly resting his blackened right hand on her lower back and holding her tightly with his left arm. He kissed her forehead. "I am sorry, my dear. It's just such a difficult situation . . . I thought I should offer to stay with Severus."

"It's all right, love, let's just try to get a little rest before Severus comes knocking . . . which will probably be in about ten minutes," Minerva said with a sigh.

They crawled back into bed and drifted into a light sleep. Minerva lay on her side, one hand resting on Albus's chest. If Severus walked in on them, she didn't particularly want him to see them in a more intimate position. Sure enough, fifteen minutes after getting into bed, Minerva was woken by a light rapping on the door.

"Come in, Severus."

As Severus opened the door and entered, Minerva rolled over to face him. Albus, though no doubt awake, remain still and quiet on the other side of the bed. The light from the sitting room outlined Severus's silhouette.

"Come closer, Severus; it's all right. I would rather not get up, if you don't mind terribly," she said softly.

Severus stepped tentatively across to the bed and looked down at her, her face illuminated by the light from the doorway. He whispered, "I tried to wait twenty minutes, but . . . I had to see you, Minerva. You look so lovely there, your hair spread upon your pillow." He knelt beside the bed and took her hand in his, kissing it softly, then kissing the inside of her wrist. He closed his eyes and sighed before looking up at her. She smiled at him and brushed his hair back with her free hand. Feeling that she might not mind, he kissed the inside of her wrist once more, and then again. He closed his eyes and nuzzled her wrist and arm. When she made no move to pull her arm away, he gently kissed the soft skin of her forearm, then rubbed his cheek against it, glad that he had shaved. The imperative was satisfied for the moment, and the urgency had drained from him, but it was so pleasant to kneel beside her and kiss her soft, sweet skin. He kissed her wrist again and waited for her to pull her hand away as she always did. Perhaps she hadn't objected because she had fallen asleep, he thought, and looked up at her. But Minerva's eyes were open, and there was a slight smile on her face.

She gently removed her hand from his clasp and touched his cheek briefly. "Come in again when you need to, Severus. I'll just take a little nap now, all right?"

Severus nodded and stood, wishing he could lean over and kiss her . . . just one small kiss on her cheek, if she would permit it. A part of him recognised that the effect of the spell was becoming stronger, that even when the urgency had faded, his desire for Minerva remained much more immediate than it had. He felt a rush of gratitude toward Minerva for her patience and forbearance. He smiled despite himself. His gratitude was totally unmixed with resentment. He resented his situation, but not Minerva, and nothing that she had done, either. "Thank you, Minerva. You cannot know how much this means to me," he whispered.

He looked over at the other side of the bed, where he could just make out Albus's form in the shadows. Leaving Minerva was painful, and it was hard to know that he would be outside the room while Albus was able to lay beside her. Severus swallowed, turned, and left the room, closing the door behind him with a gentle click.

Minerva turned back toward Albus and put her arm around him. "You are an extraordinary man, have I ever told you that?" she whispered.

He rolled onto his back and put his arm around her, pulling her closer so her head lay on his chest. "Mmm, perhaps once or twice . . . not nearly often enough," he teased and kissed the top of her head.

"How's your hand?"

"It could be better. I really shouldn't lie on my right side for so long without moving, but I didn't want Severus to feel any more self-conscious than he already must."

"Foolish man," Minerva said, turning her head and kissing his chest. "Next time, just lie on your back and keep your eyes closed. He knows you're there, anyway."

"Hmm. We'll see. Let's sleep a bit more . . ."

Albus and Minerva were able to sleep another hour and a half before there was a soft rap at the door. Albus didn't awaken until Minerva disengaged herself from his embrace and called out for Severus to enter.

Severus was trembling as he sank to the floor beside the bed and desperately clutched Minerva's hand. Once he had satisfied the imperative sufficiently to stop shaking, he slumped against the side of the bed.

"Severus, you waited too long, didn't you?"

"I wanted you to sleep, my love. I kept thinking that if I allowed you to sleep, that would demonstrate my love for you sufficiently to keep the spell at bay," he whispered. "It wasn't too bad until the last fifteen minutes."

"How long did you wait?"

"An hour and a half."

"Severus, you are almost as much of a fool as the man lying beside me."

He looked up at her, raising his head from where it rested against her arm. "I believe that coming from you, those are words of affection, Minerva." One corner of his mouth twitched in a smile.

"I shouldn't have said that, though, Severus. It was insensitive. I am sorry. I appreciate what you're trying to do, but please don't make yourself ill just so that I can get another ten or fifteen minutes sleep, all right?"

"But Albus –"

"She's right, Severus." Albus ceased pretending to sleep. "I would also prefer to be woken up than to have you make yourself ill. It could become quite dangerous."

Severus looked down and nodded before he got up to leave. "It's quarter past five now. I think I should be able to go until six-thirty quite safely."

After the door had clicked shut behind him, Albus turned to Minerva. "Minerva, it would be lovely if we could actually get a little more sleep."

"I'm sorry, Albus. If you would like to go back to your own room, you can. I should have thought of that part of it."

"That wasn't what I was going to suggest." He raised himself up on his elbow and looked down at her. "This bed is quite large. We could make it even larger, if need be."

Minerva just looked at him a moment, her eyes widened. "You can't possibly be suggesting . . . Albus, that's just . . . "

"All I am proposing, my dear, is that you and I sleep and Severus stay in the room with us. On the bed next to you. It will be easier for him to act on the imperative – just as he has been doing, my dear, nothing more – as soon as he needs to; he would only have to waken you very briefly, you wouldn't need to wake up as much, and I might even be able to sleep through it, although that is not the primary reason I am making the suggestion."

"Well, I just don't think I can go out there and invite him to come join us in bed, Albus. It sounds too . . . suggestive!"

"Mmm, I suppose. But don't worry, I have absolutely no desire to do anything other than sleep while he is in the same bed with us. And Severus has behaved himself quite well; I don't think he will attempt to do any more than you would allow him to do anyway."

Minerva sighed. "All right. It would be nice to sleep . . . We might even be able to sleep a little late. It is Sunday. But you go out there and tell him, Albus. It's your idea."

Albus obligingly rolled out of bed, picked up his wand, and added another two feet of space to Minerva's side. He then padded to the door and went out to the sitting room to talk to Severus. Minerva rolled over and closed her eyes. She really was too old for any of this. Albus seemed to be dealing with it all much better than she was . . . and better than she would have thought he could. He had a flexibility of mind that was a rarity in anyone, let alone someone of his age. Sleeping with two men, though . . . That was not something that Minerva McGonagall had ever believed she would do, even if all they were doing was sleeping and one of them was Albus.

From what she could hear, Severus was no more pleased with the notion than she had been. Minerva chuckled. Likely less than she, actually. Imperative or no imperative, Severus was not particularly flexible, she thought, and he no doubt found Albus's idea quite distasteful.

Albus returned. "He doesn't believe me, my dear. Could you let him know it's all right with you. He believes you would be dreadfully offended."

Minerva sat up in bed. She could see Severus sitting on the Transfigured bed in the sitting room, head in his hands. "Severus, come here a moment, will you, please? Albus, leave us alone for a minute."

Severus obeyed. A part of him thought he should be at least a little reluctant to follow her orders, but he didn't pay any attention to it. Albus closed the door behind him, and the two were alone.

"Come here and sit beside me, Severus." Minerva remembered what Albus had said the night before. After he sat gingerly on the edge of the bed, the imperative not so strong at the moment to make him forget himself entirely, Minerva reached out and took his hand. Watching his face carefully, she raised it to her lips and kissed it. His hand smelled cleanly of almond soap. Severus's eyes widened, and Minerva saw his Adam's apple move up and down as he swallowed rapidly.

"Severus, you have been a gentleman throughout this ordeal. You have acquitted yourself nobly. I am very proud of you." She waited for his reaction, but he just sat there speechless. "I know that you will never do anything to me that I do not allow, and I have confidence that you will continue to behave as a gentleman. You have said that you wish to allow me to sleep longer. I think if you stay with us, I would sleep better. If you are uncomfortable doing so, you don't have to stay. But I would be uncomfortable at the moment asking Albus to leave; can you understand that?"

Severus nodded. "I suppose we can try it, Minerva. I do feel better when I'm with you, even if I'm just sitting with you. Are you sure it's really all right with Albus, though?"

"It was his idea, so I presume it is. Will you fetch him now, Severus? And then when you come back with him, you can lie down next to me."

The three of them settled down together, Severus lying on top of the covers next Minerva, a tartan afghan draped over him. Minerva didn't think she would be able to sleep with him lying there stiff as a board beside her, but sometime later she became aware of a hand gently stroking her face, Severus's voice calling her name, and she realised she must have slept. She opened her eyes to see Severus's face hovering above her.

"Minerva, my sweet, how lovely you are when you sleep, all waking cares fled and nought but pure beauty to be seen in your countenance!"

Minerva blinked. Her life had taken some strange turns, but this had to one of the strangest. She pulled her arm from beneath the covers and offered Severus her hand. He looked at it reverentially before raising it to his lips and kissing it. Unsatisfied, he began to slowly trail feather-light kisses up her inner arm. His kisses tickled, and Minerva fought her desire to pull her arm away. Albus had said that it was more important to keep the interval longer than it was to minimise the extent of Severus's gestures of affection. And now that she was aware that they truly might not find a remedy to the spell before Severus went entirely mad with unexpressed love for her, Minerva realised that the manifestations of Severus's love would only become stronger with time; she might as well face the inevitable. She relaxed back into her pillows and, through half-closed eyes, watched Severus's slow progress up her arm. Despite herself, his kisses had ceased to simply tickle and had begun to elicit a slight tingle that spread through her.

She flushed, unsure whether in reaction to Severus's attentions or in embarrassment; she was keenly aware that Albus lay on the other side of her, apparently still sleeping peacefully. When Severus's kisses reached the inside of her elbow, which he apparently found particularly delectable, as he had paused to kiss it several times, Minerva felt he had gone quite far enough for the moment. She reached out with her other hand and caressed his cheek, gently urging him from his current preoccupation.

He raised his head and looked at her, eyes glazed.

"That's fine, Severus. How are you feeling now?" Minerva kept her voice low, not knowing whether Albus was awake or not.

He blinked twice and sat back away from her. "Better. Much better, thank you, Minerva." Letting go of her hand, he looked down at the object of his former attentions. "I did not mean to take such liberties, Minerva," he whispered. "I am sorry."

"Shh, it's all right," she whispered back. "As long as you feel better. And it was quite nice, what you said. I've always been told I drool and snore when I sleep, so it was pleasant to hear otherwise!" She smiled at him and patted his arm. "Do you know what time it is?"

"Almost seven o'clock."

"Seven? That's late – did you let it go too long, Severus? Did you make yourself ill?"

"No, it was easier . . . once I got used to lying here with you. I . . . " Severus lowered his eyes. "I could relax, watch you sleep, and . . . well, I did place my hand on you – just on your arm, with the blanket between us." He looked up again to gauge her reaction.

"That's all right, Severus. It was an excellent decision on your part. I feel somewhat more rested, although I may still need a nap this afternoon."

Severus lay back down beside her. "Shall I wake you in an hour or so, then?"

"Yes, that's fine. I think I could fall back to sleep, actually."

Minerva woke only a short time later, it seemed, again aware that Severus was speaking to her and caressing her cheek. The second thing she became aware of was that Albus was not beside her. She opened her eyes. Severus was still lying next to her, his fingers softly stroking her hair.

"You are the most wonderful woman in the world, Minerva," were the first words she understood him to say.

"Thank you, Severus, but where is Albus?"

Severus withdrew his hand and Minerva thought he winced slightly. "He got up about ten minutes ago. He's in the shower, I think."

Minerva was going to have a few things to say to Albus about this the next time they had a moment in private. She would come to terms with whatever she had to, but she had not been prepared to wake up alone with Severus next to her – even if he weren't actually in the bed. No point taking it out on Severus, though.

"Do you know the time?"

Severus sat up. "Just a little past eight o'clock, my love, my darling, my dearest . . ." Severus shut his eyes tightly and clenched his jaw, then took a deep breath and opened his eyes again. "Would you like to get up and have breakfast soon?"

"I think that's a good idea. I believe that Albus may want us to go to breakfast in the Great Hall, but we should probably assess your current state, first."

Severus just nodded. He appeared to be holding his breath. Minerva sighed. Time for another "dose of Minerva," apparently. She sat up in bed and rested her back against the headboard, glad that the nightgown came up to her neck, even if it did leave her arms exposed. Looking at Severus sitting there stoically waiting for her, it came to Minerva that, no matter how difficult this was for her, it was far worse for Severus, probably in ways she couldn't imagine.

She held out her arms to him. "Come here, Severus." When he just looked at her as though he didn't know what she meant, she repeated, "Come here to me," and reached out a hand to touch his arm and pull him toward her slightly.

More tentatively than he had done anything else up to that point, Severus shifted toward her, and as she reached out her other hand to pull him closer, he scooched closer to the head of the bed. Minerva gently urged him to lie back with her, putting one arm around him and pulling his head down to rest on her shoulder. "Now, speak to me, Severus, and touch me as you wish."

A shudder passed through Severus, and he turned his face into her shoulder. He moved his arm as though to return her embrace then dropped it. "Minerva, I do not deserve this," he choked.

She could feel his tears, damp through her nightgown. "Shh, shh, Severus, I am here for you. Shh, shh, shh. I know you don't deserve to suffer this way, but I am here."

He raised a tear-stained face. "No, Minerva, any suffering is only my just desserts; it is you I do not deserve: your kindness, your patience, your attention . . ."

"Of course you do, Severus! Why do you think that?"

"I am evil, Minerva. My soul is black. You are goodness and light."

"Severus, I am not in any position to judge the state of your soul, but in my opinion, you would not be in such distress about it if you really were as evil and irredeemable as you seem to think. And although I appreciate what you say about me, I am not perfect. We are both trying, Severus. We are both trying." She wiped away a few tears from his cheeks. "And you love me; I believe if you were truly evil, you could not. Now come, Severus, demonstrate your love to me," she said softly.

He sighed deeply and closed his eyes, resting his head back against her. One hand reached out to trace the line of her arm from her shoulder to her wrist. "You are more wonderful than you know, Minerva. Your kindness and friendship to me through all these years has sustained me as much as you have sustained me through this curse. I can do nothing other than to love you, to love you always, my sweetest Minerva." Severus tilted his head and kissed her neck. "So soft, so lovely," he murmured before kissing her throat and caressing her cheek. "So wonderful," he breathed against her as his kisses moved up to her jaw. "So sweet, so, so sweet."

Minerva felt gooseflesh come over her. She considered suppressing her physiological reflexes and moderating her physical response, but with an inaudible sigh, she recognised it would likely only make things more difficult for her in the end while doing nothing to help Severus. Her eyes half-closed, she consciously relaxed and moved her head to allow Severus easier access to her neck. As his kisses feathered along her jaw and moved up to her ear, Minerva's feelings warred within her. She wanted to cry; not since she and Albus had finally come together had she allowed another man such an intimate touch, and she never dreamed that she would again, even if Albus were to die. But at the same time, there was something sweet and touching in Severus's kisses and murmured endearments, and although Minerva knew that if it weren't for the spell, he never would have expressed his feelings for her – or perhaps even have recognised them – she knew they were genuine. From what Albus had said last night, and from her own observations of his life, she doubted that he had ever expressed such feelings to anyone else before. He may never have even received such love from anyone. Although she would not have chosen to have Severus hit by the Adfectus Amor and be forced to express his love for her, Minerva thought that, since Severus was constrained to act on his feelings, she should at least value his gestures of affection.

Despite that decision, Minerva did not want to exhaust the possibilities for relatively chaste expressions of his love, so she raised her hand and gently disengaged him from his attentions to her neck and ear just as he was murmuring again, "So sweet, so, so sweet."

"You are quite sweet, yourself, Severus," she said with a smile.

He flushed and pulled away from her. "I couldn't help myself, Minerva. You should stop me."

"I did. Now I think I would like to see if Albus is done in the shower and take one myself. Why don't you go make yourself at home in the sitting room for a while. You can get dressed if you like. You know where the small loo is, if you need to use it."

After Severus had left, Minerva stretched gratefully and got out of bed. Without bothering with her slippers or dressing gown, she made a bee-line for the bathroom. Albus was still in the shower, humming under his breath. He must have cast an Imperturbable on the bathroom door. Closing it behind her, Minerva quickly stripped off her nightgown and stepped toward the shower. Albus hadn't noticed her yet, and when she opened the glass shower door and stepped in to join him, he turned and smiled, but raised his eyebrows.

"What are you doing here, my dear?"

"It's my bathroom and my shower, so you might gather that I am here to take a shower." She reached up and smoothed her palms across his shoulders and down his chest, around his beard. As she reached his stomach, she stepped nearer and said, "But you would be only partially correct." She licked a nipple as her hands continued their downward progress, one stopping to grasp his swiftly hardening cock, the other continuing down to cup his balls.

"Mmm, Minerva. Please don't." Albus gently took hold of her upper arm with his left hand, but did not push her away. "Minerva," he whispered, "you have me at a disadvantage."

"Mmm. Good." She moved to his other nipple as one hand stroked his cock in long, fluid movements, her fingers tightening around him slightly as she pulled her hand up over its blooming head and then back down to meet her other hand as it alternately caressed and cupped his balls.

Albus stepped back, Minerva followed. He leaned against the tile wall, head thrown back. "Oh, gods, Minerva. You should stop." His hand moved from her arm to her right breast, cupping it then stroking upwards, brushing over her erect nipple. He pushed her away, but only to access her left breast with his mouth. She arched against him, pressing her body against his erection and grasping his slippery torso. She gasped.

"Albus, Albus, I need you so. Please, my love." She looked down as his tongue flicked her nipple before he caught it between his lips and suckled. He moved to her other breast and supported her with his left arm. She leaned back, trusting her weight to his grasp and relishing the sensation of his cock pressed against her belly as she watched him lick and suckle and gently nip her breast.

He pushed her against the opposite shower wall and began to lick and kiss his way down her body. Minerva grasped the towel bar on her left and kneaded his shoulder with her other hand. She moaned and spread her legs as Albus nudged his left hand between her thighs. He was on his knees before her now, rhythmically thrusting his fingers into her, looking up to see her reaction as the shower streamed over his face and down his beard. He grinned and cast a nonverbal spell, pleased with her expression of surprise as she Levitated above his head.

Using his tongue, he parted her lips and found her darkly swollen clitoris. His fingers still moving in her vagina, he began to flick his tongue back and forth, up and down, and was rewarded when Minerva arched, trembling, gasping, and clutching at his hair. Albus continued to flick and lick and suck, relishing Minerva's abandoned passion.

She gripped him harder and shuddered. "Oh, god, Albus, Albus, Albus . . ." She slumped back against the wet tile. Flushed, she looked down at him as he released the Levitation spell and gently kissed her belly just below her navel. Just one gesture and one look from Minerva, and Albus stood to kiss her; she deepened the kiss and pulled him closer. Minerva pulled away only long enough to say, "More," and to wrap her right leg around him, trying to bring her centre closer to his erection.

"Mmm, Minerva. Minerva, I don't know . . . I don't think I can," Albus protested.

"The bench," Minerva said huskily, pushing him toward the small bench on the other side of the shower.

"It's not . . . not that," Albus gasped and pulled away from her.

Minerva caught her breath. "I thought it might just be too difficult . . . standing, with your hand, not being able to brace . . ."

"No, it's not that." Breathing heavily, Albus turned from her and leaned against the tile wall, resting his head on his forearm. Minerva came up behind him and rubbed his back.

"Then what?" She feared the answer, but believed she knew it.

"Severus."

"He is in the sitting room. He is quite happy for the moment."

"He will know."

"He must already. I shooed him out and told him I was going to take a shower. He had already said you were in the shower. He's a bright boy, Albus."

Albus moaned. "You didn't."

Minerva was silent for a moment. "I did. He was fine. And . . . I was not."

Albus turned. His erection was only flagging slightly. "You weren't?"

"I can't explain now, Albus. Please, though, don't turn away from me." Tears gathered in her eyes.

Albus enfolded her in his arms, careful not to put too much pressure on his right hand. He whispered, "I would think that what I just did was anything but turning away from you, my love. It won't bother you that Severus might know what we're doing?"

Minerva looked up at him, tears streaming down her face. "No . . . no. Please, Albus. I need you right now. I need to feel you. Please."

Albus closed his eyes and pulled her head to his chest. He chuckled softly. "I thought that last night was rather nice, myself."

"Mmm." Minerva nodded against his chest. "But that was last night."

Albus kissed her forehead then her cheek. When she raised her face to him, he gently kissed her lips, repeatedly kissing them, pulling them slightly into his mouth and then releasing them. Minerva moaned and opened her mouth to him as he continued to kiss her.

Albus let out a slight humming sigh as he drew back a bit to look at Minerva's flushed face and plumped lips. "We are getting wrinkly in the shower, my dear."

"We are already wrinkly, Albus," Minerva laughed and looked up at him.

"You are barely touched by time, my dear," Albus said, smiling. "I do think I am quite well-bathed, however." He waved his hand, and the shower heads turned off. "Now, you were saying something about a bench, but I think that perhaps this might be nicer."

He opened the shower door, and with a wave of his hand, several towels arranged themselves on the bathroom floor; another wave, and the towels became a soft, thin mattress. Albus pulled Minerva down to the floor with him, and, lying on his right side and embracing her with his left arm, he began kissing her face, her neck, her mouth . . . Minerva rolled over on top of him and continued to kiss him until she pulled away to gaze into his eyes and, with precision born of decades of practice, she straddled him and sank onto his cock. She paused a moment, lying on top of him, relishing the sensation of his cock filling her and his beard brushing her breasts. Albus began to thrust, gazing up at her, but she remained still, eyes closed, concentrating on the feel of him moving beneath her, until finally she couldn't bear being still and arched her back and moved with him. She could feel her orgasm building again; she opened her eyes and looked down at her beloved. Minerva sat up and began sliding back and forth on his cock, rubbing her clit against his pelvis, rhythmically flexing her muscles around him, and watching Albus's face as his own pleasure grew. Finally, she could feel her release coming, and she almost frantically pounded down on his cock and his pelvis until her vision filled with a field of stars and she was crying his name again. Albus swiftly rolled her over and, supporting himself on his left forearm, continued what she had begun, his cock stroking within her as she continued to come around him. With a final cry of "Minerva!" Albus came, pressing himself into her as deeply as he could.

Albus collapsed on top of Minerva. She put her arms around him and held on as though he might evaporate if she were to let go.

"Have I told you I love you, Minerva?" Albus whispered hoarsely in her ear.

"I think you may have mentioned it . . . my memory is not what it once was, though. You may need to remind me occasionally." She kissed his cheek.

He lifted his head and smiled down at her. "I have never been able to refuse you anything, my love."

"Hmph. I remember when you used to try, though."

"That was a very long time ago." He grinned impishly. "And if we had done this sooner, I never would have even tried."

Minerva gave him a playful slap, then kissed him again. She lay back and sighed. "I suppose we should get dressed and make ourselves look respectable."

"Oh, my god, Severus – how long have you been in here, Minerva?"

"Not that long, Albus. I came directly from him. He should be fine for a while longer, don't worry."

"You are a terrible influence on me, my dear. I forget everything else." He eased out of her.

"I am sure that can only be good for you, Albus," she replied. "And you should let Severus know what a terrible influence I am. He seems to think I'm perfect!" She smiled, but her mood was changed with the mention of Severus.

They both got up and made a pretense of drying off, then went into the bedroom and dressed in silence, Albus in deep burgundy, Minerva in peacock blue.

"Albus?"

"Yes, love?"

"May we talk later today? Alone? It's important."

"Of course." He smiled, walked over to her, and gave her a kiss. "As I said, I cannot refuse you anything."

Her eyes filled with tears. "I'm afraid, Albus," she whispered.

"Shh, shh, don't be afraid, my love." He held her and kissed the top of her head. "We will speak soon, I promise. I think I will go check on Severus now, if that's all right?" he asked gently.

Minerva wiped her tears away and nodded. "That's fine. I'll be along in a minute." She kissed his cheek, and he left to find Severus.

A few moments later, Albus was back. "He's not there, Minerva!"