The Scare... gnome?
Chapter 2 of 8
SlashisSillyAfter trying one of Fred and George's new sweets, Harry finds himself in the land of Oz. A cross-dressing Albus Dumbledore, brainless Hermione, cowardly Gryffindor, and snarky Tin Man help him find his way out of the musical and back to the Burrow.
Harry and Padfoot slowed down to catch their breath. Finally, they were far enough along the Yellow Brick Road that they could no longer hear the house-elf-munchkins singing and cheering. This was a great relief.
“Bloody hell, I thought their voices were going to make my head explode!”
Padfoot barked in agreement. The screechy singing voices of the elves were bad enough without having to hear it through a dog’s sensitive ears.
The two walked along in silence until they found themselves at a fork in the road. Straight ahead was a small cornfield encircled by a short, white picket fence. The Yellow Brick Road split onto either side of it. Harry looked at his traveling companion and shrugged.
“Nobody said anything about a fork in the road. Which way do we go?”
A very familiar female voice answered, “Both directions are quite nice.”
Harry looked at Padfoot, whose ears perked up. “What was that?” he called out to it.
“I said both ways are lovely. If you’re going to ask a question, you really should listen to the response. Anyways, both roads just circle around the cornfield and then meet up again on the other side. There’s no risk of taking the wrong one.”
While she was answering, Harry was turning in circles and looking for where the voice was coming from.
“Stop spinning around like a bleeding idiot. I’m in the cornfield!”
Walking towards the cornfield, Harry realized that a large scarecrow was hung up about ten feet away from the edge of the field. Moving closer to get a better look, he realized that he recognized the scarecrow.
“Hermione? The brainless scarecrow; how delightfully ironic,” Harry laughed.
“I’m not sure what a ‘scarecrow’ is, but you had the ‘brainless’ part correct. I’m a ‘scaregnome.’ Garden gnomes are awfully numerous in this area of Oz.”
“Well... Scaregnome. I’m Harry, and this is Padfoot. Would you like some help down from there?”
Scaregnome Hermione nodded, and Harry hopped the fence to help her down from the post she was currently hanging on.
She turned into a scarecrow and yet she managed to keep the hair, Harry thought. Unlike regular straw, that which was on her head stuck out in stiff ringlets and curls.
“Thanks. Where are you two headed?”
“We are on our way to the Emerald City to see the Wizards of Oz. We haven’t got a clue how to get home from here, so we figured they could help us out.” Harry almost didn’t bring up what she had mentioned before, but he couldn’t resist possibly seeing Hermione break out into song and dance. “So... what was that you were saying about being brainless?”
“Oh, nothing. I just don’t have a brain, that’s all. It’s only straw.”
Harry couldn’t stop grinning. This was going to be entertaining. “Well, what would you do with a brain if you had one?” He couldn’t keep the amusement out of his voice.
“Well, let’s see... if I had a brain? Hmmm, if I only had a brain...”
Suddenly, her face lit up as an idea came to her, and she did a little hop-skip-shuffle before breaking out into song.
“My head’d be filled with knowledge.
I’d be able to go to college.
My hair, I’d learn to tame.
I’d instruct all of my friends, and my lectures would never end.
If I only had a brain.
Everyone in Emerald City would try to stump or trick me.
Their efforts would be in vain.”
Harry couldn’t help but add to her song,
“With Ron, you’d never fight,
because your tongue, you’d learn to bite.
If you only had a brain.”
Of course, Harry knew that no matter how brilliant Hermione was, she would never be able to tame her hair or stop fighting with Ron, but that didn’t stop him from enjoying the scene before him. Scaregnome Hermione was dancing around him and Padfoot in an absolutely ridiculous manner. If the real Hermione had been there to see it, she probably would have passed out.
“Oh, I could tell you why Alba has a beard.
For a witch, that really is quite weird.
My brilliant answer would be revered.
I could answer that big question that everyone’s been guessin’,
‘bout the Witch’s pimpin’ cane.
I would fly and be merry on a broomstick ride with Harry.
If I only had a brain.”
Harry applauded her little song and dance piece, while trying not to laugh at her for it. He wished he could see the real Hermione do that. Now that would be something to laugh at.
“So, you’re on your way to the Emerald City? D’you really think the Wizards can help you get back home?”
“Sure. At least I hope so... Hey! Why don’t you come with us? I’m sure if they can get me home, they can get you a brain.”
Scaregnome Hermione’s face lit up with this suggestion. “Really? You think they could?”
“I don’t see why not.” Harry offered her his arm. “To Oz?”
“May I ask you something first?” she asked and continued when Harry nodded his head. “What is that... thing on your forehead?”
He reached up and touched the ruby scar on his forehead. “Why don’t I explain on the way?”
“Alright. To Oz?”
“To Oz!”
Padfoot running after them, they linked arms and skipped off down the road...
“We’re off to see the Wizards,
the Wonderful Weasleys of Oz.
We hear they are a whiz of a pair,
if ever a Wiz there was.
If ever, oh ever, a Wiz there was
the Weasleys of Oz are two because,
because, because, because, because, because!
Because of the wonderful things they’ve done!
We’re off to see the Wizards,
the Wonderful Weasleys of Oz!”
TBC
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Latest 25 Reviews for The Weasleys of Oz
30 Reviews | 6.83/10 Average
many of us don't read wips.... so complete it.
i haven't laughed so much in so long! this is absoeffinglutely brilliant! you rock so much more than i can possibly express. thanks so much and i look forward to the rest!
George looked at his twin, and Fred looked away, frowning. “Oh,” he said. “Actually we were just thinking you could steal it or something. I mean... heh... I dunno about killing her. That’s a little much, don’t you think, Scaregnome?” *laughs again*Well now I am caught up. I really have enjoyed your writing and I am looking forward to the coming chapters - in which i will not eat, drink or have the cat on my lap when I read them *chuckles*. This has also brought back some pleasant memories of my school days when I was in the small orchestra that played for the school production of The wizard of Oz.Ha-Ha-Ha,Ho-Ho-Ho. and a couple of tra -la-las...Cheers.
Response from SlashisSilly (Author of The Weasleys of Oz)
Thank you so, so much for all of your lovely comments! You have seriously (or is that Siriusly?) made my day. I can't even begin to tell you how much I love that you're enjoying my fic. I was going to take a break before starting the next chapter, but I just don't think I can do that now. :D I'm off to begin working on it!
Response from reets67 (Reviewer)
*Evil laugh* I'll get you yet my pretty!
He He! Seriously I am taken aback that you are continuing straight on... Thankyou so much because I have been really taken in with it. But if you or the muse need a break it will be OK too. Cheers.
Response from SlashisSilly (Author of The Weasleys of Oz)
Thank you so, so much for all of your lovely comments! You have seriously (or is that Siriusly?) made my day. I can't even begin to tell you how much I love that you're enjoying my fic. I was going to take a break before starting the next chapter, but I just don't think I can do that now. :D I'm off to begin working on it!
Response from reets67 (Reviewer)
*Evil laugh* I'll get you yet my pretty!
He He! Seriously I am taken aback that you are continuing straight on... Thankyou so much because I have been really taken in with it. But if you or the muse need a break it will be OK too. Cheers.
A couple of smirk worthy moments supplied by Snape in what I assume was a difficult chapter to write due to the copious rhyming/clang associations needed. Really well done and impressive.cheers
Response from reets67 (Reviewer)
Ohhh I nearly forgot to tell you love Filch and Mrs Norris - his dry humour/straight delivery made me smile. Especially his line about the sweets.
Response from reets67 (Reviewer)
Ohhh I nearly forgot to tell you love Filch and Mrs Norris - his dry humour/straight delivery made me smile. Especially his line about the sweets.
"But everyone abruptly stopped singing when Tin Man Snape stood up in the carriage to loudly inform everyone that he had an axe and was more than inclined to use it." and "The workers at the Emerald City parlor were planning on buffing and shining Tin Man Snape, but he complained to the manager about “inappropriate touching of clientele.” Instead, he had his axe sharpened. -OMG! So so good! *bursts into laughter and scares cat resulting in blood been drawn!* “S-E-R-E-N-D-E-R H-A-I-R-Y!” Hoo-hooo-Ha-Ha! *Bursts into laughter again, but thankfully cat has gone. Clutches sides and tears roll down face*and Scaregnome Hermione scoffed. “And the doorman thought we were the illiterate ones!” *continues laughing madly*Oh this chapter is brilliant! Plus I love your casting of Fudge - perfect! Didn't the horse change colours in the movie?- a horse of any colour or many colours I think....Cheers.
“Damnit! Why did I have to be born without thumbs?” he cried. - Great line in a great story. The bickering is pure Ron and Hermione. Nice incorporation of Canon into the story once again - The Devil's Snare part is where they are walking through the poppy fields I take it.Cheers.
ROFL! Oh my you do write so well...the song line about Aragog cracked me up and the lovely dovetaining in of canon Padfoot dragging him by the ankle - brilliant.Hmmm...Snape not afraid of the boggart....perhaps he likes wearing Emerald velvet (He He!)
Why did I try to eat a sandwich and read this? - sheer idiocy! Unless I am trying to kill myself by choking.Eyes widening, Scaregnome Hermione interrupted him, “You haven’t got a heart? But everybody has a heart!”“Oh, really? You mean like everybody has a brain?” he asked sardonically.Gods! that's pure Hermione and Snape.This is 24k Snape gold!I'd be tender; I'd be gentle and awful sentimental.It’s enough to make me barf.I could find myself a wife, who would be sure to cause me strife.If I had a heart.Picture me—a family. Think of all those brats.It wouldn’t take me long to kill the prats.This is so wonderful, thankyou. The only problem I am having with this now is that I am having crossover issues with this and Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - The original British 1980s series. Marvin the Paranoid Android was tall and metallic like the tin-man. This crossover comes where the new Marvin in the recent movie (short white and squat) is voiced by Alan Rickman- AAARRGH! LOL! A classic Marvinism is "And you think you have problems." He he! No probs really after being jollied up by this great fic.Off to read the next one....
Nice casting...Great Characterisation...My head’d be filled with knowledge. I’d be able to go to college.My hair, I’d learn to tame.I’d instruct all of my friends, and my lectures would never end.Next chapter... He He!
Weeheeheee!Alba coming out of a lemondrop...suppose it's a variation on the closet (He He). Then quickly followed by - Are you serious/Sirius!! Love it ! Love it! I love all of this from the house elf munckins to Harry's checkered lederhosen hotpants...I am trying to think ahead to who would be who. Now that Lucius has snaffled the other wicked witch role...“Emerald City? Ah, crap, I hope they aren’t Slytherins.” I nearly choked on my drink!I once thought od writing a Wizard of Oz cross over fic, but it died a merciful death early. Your writing is as good as it can get in my book...I'mmmm off the read the next chapeter....wee Hee!
The Wizard of Oz is on TV randomly and I'm reading in tandem and it's amusing me to no end. Good job, I especially like the changing of the song bits. I would have said that Neville would have made a more apropos Cowardly Lion and Ron as the Scarecrow but Tin Man Snape is super funny.
Response from SlashisSilly (Author of The Weasleys of Oz)
Thank you! Before I started writing the story, I experimented with different HP characters playing the major WoO characters and Neville as the Lion and Ron as the Scarecrow were some of my top candidates. However, I didn't want to leave out the trio, and there was never any doubt in my mind who I would be cast as the Tin Man. I thought it was rather fitting since in both the musical and the original books, the Scarecrow was actually very intelligent and the Lion was never all that cowardly when it truly counted (of course, the same could be said of both Neville and Ron, but as I said before, I didn't want to leave out the trio). Reading while watching the movie is probably the best way to do it since I read the next scene of the script before I write the next chapter, and I try carefully to match them up. Thanks again! :)
Response from SlashisSilly (Author of The Weasleys of Oz)
Thank you! Before I started writing the story, I experimented with different HP characters playing the major WoO characters and Neville as the Lion and Ron as the Scarecrow were some of my top candidates. However, I didn't want to leave out the trio, and there was never any doubt in my mind who I would be cast as the Tin Man. I thought it was rather fitting since in both the musical and the original books, the Scarecrow was actually very intelligent and the Lion was never all that cowardly when it truly counted (of course, the same could be said of both Neville and Ron, but as I said before, I didn't want to leave out the trio). Reading while watching the movie is probably the best way to do it since I read the next scene of the script before I write the next chapter, and I try carefully to match them up. Thanks again! :)
OMG OMG OMGI am ROLLING!!!!Is it sad I was singing along?
Response from SlashisSilly (Author of The Weasleys of Oz)
Not at all! :D I was hoping people would just because I've had so much fun writing the songs. I think singing along makes the story that much more entertaining to read.
Response from SlashisSilly (Author of The Weasleys of Oz)
Not at all! :D I was hoping people would just because I've had so much fun writing the songs. I think singing along makes the story that much more entertaining to read.
Wonderfully ridiculous! This is a real treat to read.
Response from SlashisSilly (Author of The Weasleys of Oz)
Thank you! "Wonderfully ridiculous" is exactly what i've been going for. :D
Response from SlashisSilly (Author of The Weasleys of Oz)
Thank you! "Wonderfully ridiculous" is exactly what i've been going for. :D
Heeee!!! This is just the kind of silly fun that I needed, everybody has been writing so much angst and straight romance lately.
this scares the mess out of me. i look forward to the next chapter
Response from SlashisSilly (Author of The Weasleys of Oz)
Lol! I'm glad you're enjoying it, even if you do find it slightly disturbing.
you have hit the nail on the head i believe
omg that was perfect. i love this!
just read the story from chapter 1 - it's great!
you have soooo nailed the characters from both stories... you had me laughing all the way down the yellow brick road.
great job!! 
Response from SlashisSilly (Author of The Weasleys of Oz)
Thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying it. I'm definitely having fun writing it. :D
LOl this story is so inventive and funny. I think I'm going to need funny after I get done reading DH. Keep up the good work.
Response from SlashisSilly (Author of The Weasleys of Oz)
Thank you! 
I normally don't read humor, but this was hilarious! Great job, so far!
Response from SlashisSilly (Author of The Weasleys of Oz)
I'm glad my fic tempted you into reading something new. :) Thank you!
“Some peace and quiet once you leave me alone.”“Revenge!”“The nerve!”After finishing his final line, Cowardly Lion Ron turned to Harry. “Revenge?”“There is a certain pair of twins that I believe I need to take care of...” I cracked up when I read that, even my husband came in the room and had to read it, he started cracking up. I can't wait till they get to Oz.
Response from SlashisSilly (Author of The Weasleys of Oz)
Thank you! I'm glad you found it funny. :)
Lol Hermione as a scaregnome. I just watched the Wizard of Oz and couldn't stop laughing, because I kept picturing the characters of Harry Potter in the roles. I can't for more.
Response from lilbitbord (Reviewer)
Ok I have no idea why this review showed up twice, but since it did I would like to add that your versions of the songs are really funny and creative.
Response from SlashisSilly (Author of The Weasleys of Oz)
Thank you! There will be lots more coming soon. :)Some of the songs were really hard to re-write, so it's good to know that readers are enjoying them. Thank you, again.
Lol Hermione as a scaregnome. I just watched the Wizard of Oz and couldn't stop laughing, because I kept picturing the characters of Harry Potter in the roles. I can't for more.
this is just hillarious
oh god this is madness