July

July

Unprecedented Rush for Matrimony on Memorial Day

Last night’s great celebration was enlivened by the announcement of several engagements.

Ever since You-Know-Who’s death, life and love have been blossoming throughout the wizarding world. The number of marriages has increased, and in eleven years’ time, the venerable halls of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry will be thronging with the laughter of the children of Peace. We have been living in the merry month of May all year round. And now, the great Heroes of the War have joined the dance.

The dessert had just been served last night when Professor Snape, Order of Merlin, First Class, teacher of Defence Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, unexpectedly rose to announce his engagement to Miss Granger, the pretty young witch who sat by his side and blushed becomingly at the announcement.

Miss Hermione Granger, Order of Merlin, First Class, is a close friend to the Defeater of the Dark, Harry Potter, Order of Merlin, First Class With Honour. She has been lauded as the brightest witch of her age and has recently graduated from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry with truly Outstanding success.

When the dark man at her side bent down to kiss her hand after the announcement, the smile Miss Granger gave him made the matrons grab for their handkerchiefs before they joined the frenetic applause. Yet afterwards, there were whisperings about this match, about when the relationship started, and whether this engagement was in any way related to Miss Granger’s smashing good grades.

‘Nonsense,’ snorted the enraged headmistress of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Professor Minerva McGonagall, Order of Merlin, Second Class. ‘I can assure you, Professor Snape kept strictly to the rules of decorum. There was no relationship beyond that of student-teacher while Miss Granger was at Hogwarts. And it is a sad affair that I have to remind the wizarding world that the NEWT exams are given by the Wizarding Examinations Authority (an outside Board of Examiners), and not by the teaching staff of Hogwarts. It’s out of the question that Miss Granger influenced the examiners in any way! And if you don’t trust me, ask Professor Marchbanks, who supervised the practical exam!’

But the engagement of Professor Snape and Miss Granger was just the first surprise of the evening. When the speeches after the feast began, Mr Ronald Weasley, Order of Merlin, First Class, another close friend to the Defeater of the Dark, rose and announced his engagement to Miss Lavender Brown. Mr Weasley, who is renowned for his brilliance at wizard chess, and the beautiful Miss Brown dated during their sixth year at Hogwarts, but due to misunderstandings and the strain of the approaching War, they broke up. Over the past year, they came closer to each other again and, now that the War was over and misunderstandings were erased, found in the other their one true love.

The announcement and the newly affianceds’ smiles sent the matrons once more grabbing for their handkerchiefs, and the applause the young couple received was deafening.

And as if that had not been enough happiness for one evening, young Mr Seamus Finnegan, Order of Merlin, Third Class, of Gryffindor House and classmate of the heroes, rose to announce his engagement to the Indian beauty at his side, Miss Parvati Patil. Mr Finnegan and his mother were the leaders of the Irish Rebels Against You-Know-Who, the underground organisation that so energetically worked against Death Eater activities in the Republic of Ireland. Miss Patil, also a classmate of the heroes, is beyond any doubt the most beautiful graduate of Hogwarts.

While Mr Finnegan had felt most tenderly for her for several months, she only discovered her love for him when they had left school. Yet, her ardour cannot be doubted by anyone who saw her, sitting close to the beaming Mr Finnegan and casting dark glances at everyone who came close, muttering ‘I hate her, I hate her’ under her breath. These words were supposed to be directed at a pretty young witch at the neighbouring table, who kept flirting outrageously with Mr Finnegan.

After so many surprises, the atmosphere of the following dance was throbbing with happiness and prickling like a freshly opened bottle of the finest Cherry Champagne. Who knows what surprising and happy announcements we shall hear in the next days and weeks? Though we do not want to present ourselves as Seers, we can predict another happy announcement in one year’s time.

When asked about his thoughts on the engagements of his friends, Mr Potter, the Defeater of the Dark, Order of Merlin, First Class With Honour, smiled and said, ‘They found their happiness, and I am happy for them,’ and smiled down at Miss Ginevra Weasley. Pretty Miss Weasley, a formidable witch, youngest offspring of Arthur and Molly Weasley and the first girl in the Weasley family for several generations, smiled back at him, and their hands linked closer together. The expression in their eyes made your faithful correspondents grab for their handkerchiefs, and we are sure that as soon as Miss Weasley graduates from Hogwarts School next year, we shall hear an announcement from Mr Potter.

The evening ended splendidly, and most romantically, with the three happily engaged couples dancing the last dance. These were moments for deepest sighs and more happy tears. Who should judge other people's happiness? Yet, in our eyes, the most genuine representation of deep, true love was not Miss Parvati’s possessive clinging to her betrothed nor Mr Weasley and Miss Brown’s amorous dilly-dallying either, but the way Miss Granger and Professor Snape were lost in each other’s eyes as they drifted at a correct distance across the dance-floor.

It touched our hearts, and we – and with us the staff of the Daily Prophet – wish the three couples all the best in the world. After the horror of the War, and the sacrifices they made to save our world, it is heartening to see those people finally gain the happiness they so richly deserve.

And we close, handkerchiefs in hand and romance in our hearts,

Yours ever faithfully,

Rebecca and Rabea Rosemont, the Romance Reporters

This article would have been a lot better if the bloody editor hadn’t cut out all the good parts!

The End