Chapter Four

Disclaimer: They still belong to JKR. Lucky woman.

Chapter Four

Hermione spent an anxious hour perched on the edge of her couch with a cold cup of tea, awaiting the inevitable explosion. When none appeared to be forthcoming, a little tension eased from her shoulders. Deciding nothing further was to be done, she began shedding her clothes as she paced around her rooms, mind still on the magazine she had delivered. Her robes managed to find their rightful hook on the back of the door and her skirt the wardrobe, but her jumper slipped off the chair she dropped it on, and her blouse missed the laundry hamper by at least two feet. By the time she unhooked her bra and kicked off her knickers, she was far too preoccupied to notice where they landed.

Which, of course, was the very moment the door burst open.

“Who in blazes is behind this... this... outrage?” Severus thrust the offending periodical into Hermione’s face.

“What makes you think I have any idea? I only saw it last night myself!”

“LAST NIGHT! And it took all day before you considered it necessary to show me? And even then you were too cowardly to stay and face the consequences!”

“Consequences? Of what? Being the only person in this bloody castle to tell you what was going on? I think that deserves thanks, not an uninvited intrusion into my private space! How did you get in, anyway?”

Severus managed to contain his rage long enough to shift uneasily from foot to foot. “Ex-headmaster, remember. Castle still allows me entry wherever I need to go. But that’s not the point. A whole day, Granger! An entire day of meals and classes with all those girls... women... staring at me! They’ve seen me naked!” He groaned and covered his eyes with his hands. “They saw me masturbating, for Merlin’s sake. My students saw me masturbating. Fuck! Hooch saw me masturbating!” Snape’s face pinked delightfully. “You Tell me you didn’t see it. Please!”

“Er... sorry.” Hermione’s cheeks matched his perfectly. As did her neck and breasts and...

“Why aren’t you wearing any clothes?” Snape finally noticed his colleague was stark naked.

So did his cock.

“I’m in my private quarters, it’s ten-thirty in the evening, and I was about to go to bed.” Determined not to back down, she placed her hands on her hips, thrust out her meagre bosom, and eyed him from top to toe, making a point of pausing at the modest but definite erection peeking out from between the edges of his only garment. “What excuse do you have for running around the castle dressed in that flimsy excuse for a robe? Which, incidentally, you forgot to tie closed.”

Severus glanced down to find his cock fully erect and bobbing proudly between the now widely parted edges of his robes. For a brief moment he simply stared, as if wishing it would disappear and take him with it.

Hermione giggled. “Well, at least we have evidence you know what to do with it. Assuming that bit wasn’t Photomagicked. And from all accounts, masturbating isn’t your only forte. Who knew?”

Ignoring the impudent fellow between his legs, Severus looked up to find Hermione still glorious in her bare skin and still staring at his penis. Her nipples had become suspiciously perky, and he was damned sure the room was not that cold. “I’m not... I didn’t... Bloody hell, woman, would you put some clothes on!”

Enjoying his discomfort, and the view, far too much to oblige, Hermione shook her head and grinned. He was in her room, she was naked, and he was all but naked and as hard as a rock. A smallish rock, but beggars couldn’t be choosers. There was only one problem.

She had no idea how to get him into her bedroom.

The knock on the door startled Hermione into action. Grabbing her wand from the couch, she pointed it at Severus, ignoring the hands suddenly clutched to his groin, and Transfigured his robe into some semblance of his teaching set. A quick shove sent him sprawling on the couch, then she handed him the cup she had discarded earlier.

“Coming!” She swiftly kicked her underwear under the armchair and donned her robes before opening the door. “Good evening, Minerva. What brings you here at this late hour?”

The headmistress managed a smile when she noticed Severus comfortably ensconced on her Charms mistress’s couch. “Well, this is convenient. I wasn’t looking forward to the long walk down to the dungeons.”

“We were just discussing the latest... er... journal.” Hermione’s eyes widened as she noticed Severus’s bare feet and lower legs appear when he crossed his legs. Positioning herself between the couch and Minerva McGonagall, she kicked his ankle as she passed. “Have a seat, Minerva.”

“No, I’ll just stay a wee minute. I wanted to ask you both a small favour.”

“Anything.” This time, Hermione was the recipient of the kick.

“If only your colleague here was as obliging.”

“I prefer to find out what I’m being asked before I agree to anything.” Severus graced her with a thin-lipped mockery of a smile.

“I expected as much from you, Severus. I merely wished to ask you both if you would agree to share the supervision of the first Hogsmeade weekend next month. The rest of my staff all appear to have discovered important meetings for that weekend.”

“Given the usual hijinks the brats get up to on their first weekend out for the year, it’s hardly surprising. I don’t suppose you have a fascinating lecture involving Charms related Potions we could plead as vital, do you, Granger?” At the shake of her head, he sighed. “Very well, it looks like you have your sacrifices, Minerva. Is there anything else? Our discussion was becoming quite lively when you arrived.”

Ignoring his rude dismissal, Minerva turned to Hermione. “I don’t know how you put up with this old curmudgeon. If he bothers you, feel free to let me know. I still have a few hexes up my sleeve he doesn’t know about.”

“So do I, Minerva.” Hermione grinned as she saw the headmistress out.

“Have you, indeed? You wouldn’t hex a nearly naked man, would you?” Severus stood as soon as Minerva had left.

“No, but if you’re not careful, you’ll lose the only clothing you have. On second thoughts, I think I preferred the way you were dressed earlier.” With a flick of her wand, the security of the heavy robes had been replaced by a definite draught around his nether regions as his dressing robe flapped open again, revealing his McGonagall-deflated state.

“Pity. It was definitely showing promise earlier.” Hermione giggled as he wrapped the garment firmly around his waist and tied the belt. “Perhaps you shouldn’t rush to complain to the Witch’s Weekly, Snape.”

“It’s not what you have; it’s how you use it.”

“And you’d be an expert, according to Ms Skeeter.”

Severus’s cheeks rivalled her outrageous Gryffindor quilt as he turned on his heel and headed for the door. “If you must know, Granger, I have yet to put the theory to the test, but thank you for your wholehearted encouragement. At least I now have the satisfaction of confirming that size does in fact matter, despite witches’ protestations.” The slam of the door behind him emphasised his point.

Good work, mouth. You had him where you wanted him and then had to comment on the size of his penis. It’s not his fault he’s barely average. At least it looked like it hardens up quite nicely. Not that you’ll get a chance to find out now you’ve offended his vanity.

Hermione rehung her robes and extinguished the candles. Flopping onto her bed, she clenched her fists and gave vent to her frustration.

“FUCK!”

A/N: This was written for the 2012 SSHG Exchange on LiveJournal. Hugs and chocolate to my beta, karelia.