Chapter Three
Chapter 3 of 12
sunny33Severus finds out what all the fuss is about. His reaction is, well, predictable.
ReviewedDisclaimer: They belong to JKR. I'm just sullying them up a bit...
Chapter Three
Severus stared at the latest edition of Playwitch in his hand. Why in Merlin’s name would I want to read this rubbish? Hermione was no help. She had disappeared in a flurry of robes before he had realised what he held.
“What are you looking at?” The portrait at his door scurried out of her frame to find her friend in the next corridor, eager to spread the news that the Potions professor had the magazine.
To give him credit, Severus did his valiant best to ignore the lurid pages he had left on his bedside table. A long and relaxing shower, shampoo optional, a stack of his favourite ginger biscuits, and a good cup of cocoa later, he turned his sheets down and prepared to get into bed. With a put-upon sigh for effect he picked up the Playwitch and studied the cover.
HOW TO CHARM HIS TROUSERS OFF
TOP TEN SPELLS FOR GREAT SEX
BAD BOY SPY WITH A HEART OF GOLD
The last headline, in shocking pink, set off strident warning bells in his subconscious. And his not-so-subconscious.
Flipping through the pages, he found the article in question.
UNDER THE PROFESSOR’S ROBES
By Rita Skeeter
This week, my lovelies, I bring you a peek into the surprisingly sensuous life of that spy of all spies, Severus Snape. Revealed after You-Know-Who’s final demise as a master of deception and man whose loyalty and courage remained unwavering under extreme duress, Snape has always been an elusive character. Cloistered at Hogwarts for most of the year, his private life has long been the subject of speculation. However, thanks to an artfully placed source and some penetrating interviews, I can now reveal the long sought secrets of the Hogwarts Potions professor.
As a teacher, Severus Snape is generally found to have high expectations of his students with a low tolerance for the less diligent members of his class. His tongue, said to flay at will, and his piercing black eyes, which can apparently spot mischief through stone walls, are merely the weapons he uses to maintain his authority and the impressive academic standards of his charges. However, his ability to conceal his emotions and thoughts through the use of Occlumency has left many a student and colleague assuming he is lacking human frailties.
My source has provided evidence of a rather different wizard. A man who spends his summers brewing potions for the hospital wing of Hogwarts and who brews Wolfsbane each month for the unfortunate among us.
Hogwarts school nurse, Poppy Pomfrey, said, “Severus’s brews are far superior to any I could obtain elsewhere. Of course, he grumbles a little about the extra workload, but I know he doesn’t really mind. He’s a good lad at heart.”
More surprising is the discovery of a man whose hedonistic desires manifest behind closed doors. The photographs here tell the story of a wizard with lusty appetites and skilful hands, and my investigation has uncovered some interesting opinions.
Ms E.C. told me in an exclusive interview, “Severus can strip you with his eyes. He makes me quiver with just one glance.”
Mr M.D. provided further enlightenment. “Professor Snape is the kind of wizard with hidden depths. Plumbing them would be a delight and a privilege.”
And a colleague of Snape’s who prefers to remain unidentified has confirmed, “Yes, Severus has a great deal to be proud of, and I’m not talking about his spying career. I caught a glimpse of him in the change rooms one day, accidentally of course, and I can tell you any woman would find him most satisfying.”
So, there you have it, ladies. Severus Snape: Master spy, brilliant educator and researcher, dedicated brewer, and closet sensualist.
Throwing the magazine down onto his bed, Severus reached for his wand to extinguish the candles. He froze as he finally took note of the photographs accompanying the ridiculous article.
“Where the hell did she get those? Bloody fucking bollocks!”
The page he had been reading had flipped overleaf to reveal several candid photographs.
All taken in the Prefects’ bathroom.
All naked.
Holding the pages closer, Severus examined the images. In one, he was lounging in the enormous bath, shoulder muscles rippling and crisp black chest hairs glistening with drops of water. In another, his firm buttocks clenched and relaxed as he stood facing away from the camera, every so often turning his head to look at something behind him.
I never thought I was so toned. Dropping the publication, he arose to stand before his mirror and opened his dressing robe. Hmm, didn’t think so. Shoulders still thin and bony, arse still skinny and pale. Someone’s been using a little Photomagic.
He returned to his bed, not bothering with the robe. Turning the page, Severus swore loudly and at length.
In a full centrefold spread, he saw himself once again naked, but this time clutching a towel to his groin as he dried his more personal anatomy.
Rhythmically and rapidly.
With accompanying facial contortions.
“Buggering arseholes!”
A/N: Just a short chapter but I thought I'd answer the question you've all been asking. This was written for the 2012 SSHG Exchange. Thanks to karelia for her beta skills and encouragement.
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Latest 25 Reviews for Under the Professor's Robes
168 Reviews | 6.32/10 Average
Gahhh that ending was adorable
Response from sunny33 (Author of Under the Professor's Robes)
Thanks! :)
A very sweet ending to a lovely story!
Response from sunny33 (Author of Under the Professor's Robes)
Thank you. :)
This was brill! Very funny, and realistic! So many fics depict Severus as a sex god, whereas yours embraced his flaws and made him lovable and sexy anyway. Kudos!
Response from sunny33 (Author of Under the Professor's Robes)
Thanks! :)
LOL Not quite a romantic ending, but a very Severus ending. And hopefully now that he's gaining some experience he'll be able to control his urges a bit more. Congrats Hermione on popping that cherry
Response from sunny33 (Author of Under the Professor's Robes)
Thanks for all the lovely reviews,
Response from sunny33 (Author of Under the Professor's Robes)
. You're a star! :D
That is one way to finally address the situation. Now that his tension is released, perhaps she can some of hers taken care of?
Response from sunny33 (Author of Under the Professor's Robes)
If she's lucky... :)
So close, yet so far. Just talk to him for Merlin's sake!
Response from sunny33 (Author of Under the Professor's Robes)
What. talk? Like with words and all? Really? :)
I know I shouldn't laugh, but I love the seduction comedy of errors. She's just as hardheaded as he is. Hopefully it goes slightly better with Minerva's suggestion.
Response from sunny33 (Author of Under the Professor's Robes)
Er... well... ;)
Shame she was too drunk to execute any of plans C-Z. Love that the ladies of the staff could see all the clues and inform her he's a bit dense on the social aspects. Of course none of them seem to have come up with best plan of just being direct.
Response from sunny33 (Author of Under the Professor's Robes)
He'd keel over in shock if she tried that. :D
Well, they are talking and he was being less curmudgeonly than usual. Shame neither of them has the guts to be more straightforward, though he is being pretty dense to the clues she's giving him
Response from sunny33 (Author of Under the Professor's Robes)
Plank of four by two, anyone? :)
If she keeps this up, she'll find herself a virgin 20 years on, too. ;)
Response from sunny33 (Author of Under the Professor's Robes)
LOL :D
The plot thickens. I love his comment about her writing an essay criticizing his masturbation techniques. I also love who his cock has become a character in the story. Nice touch
Response from sunny33 (Author of Under the Professor's Robes)
LOL never thought of it that way! :)
The plot gets thicker. I can't wait to see how he reacts to seeing whatever it is in the magazine and then whether he decides to shoot the messenger.
Response from sunny33 (Author of Under the Professor's Robes)
What do you think? ;)
Well, you definitely have me curious about not only what wonderfully cruel joke has been played on Severus, but by whom.
Response from sunny33 (Author of Under the Professor's Robes)
Curiosity is good. :)
Quite zippy. :D If only humans in real life have such patience with each other! ^_^
Response from sunny33 (Author of Under the Professor's Robes)
Thank you. :)
Well, she really put her foot in her mouth, didn't she? Perhaps Hogsmeade weekend will give her a chance to redeem herself?
Response from sunny33 (Author of Under the Professor's Robes)
Um... maybe... :)
Oh poor Severus. Rita and the wizarding equivalent of photo shop - never good. He'll not have peace for a long time, I think
Response from sunny33 (Author of Under the Professor's Robes)
Everyone's imagination is working overtime! :)
Well, move over and pass the chocolate sauce, and pass a cigarette to those who might be so inclined! 
Thank you for another very titillating and satisfying tale, sunny! 
Response from sunny33 (Author of Under the Professor's Robes)
You're very welcome, my dear. 
Oh, Lordy, lordy, lord...almost there! *whew* They definitely need a repeat performance with Severus having his liquor tolerance level strengthened enough that he can, um, pursue and enjoy the feisty witch giving him the best lap dance of his life--well, practice makes perfect--hehe! reading on! ps Truly enjoying this whirlwind of a saucy, *teasing*tale! Just what the doctor ordered: a good lusty dose of sunny!
Response from sunny33 (Author of Under the Professor's Robes)
LOL Glad you're having fun! :D
Cute ending. It makes me wonder what harm can chocolate sauce do?
Response from sunny33 (Author of Under the Professor's Robes)
Knowing them, they'd make it too hot! :)
Oh, yes, Severus, now you know what all the fuss is about, silly, lucky wizard!
Now, on to the bedroom people!!!
Response from sunny33 (Author of Under the Professor's Robes)
Enlightenment is his! Hallelujah! :)
Oooooh, the slow burn between these two along with the massage is sending me over the edge (in a good way--lol!) Love Hermione taking the initiative and starting to take matters into her own hands--great chapter!
Response from sunny33 (Author of Under the Professor's Robes)
She needs to take something else into her hands. then he'd get the message! :)
Well, we might have to put Severus' name on the nomination list for the Janus Thickey award--the Thicky of the Year, the dear sweetheart... Yes, what does Hermione have to do? *tearing my hair out* Great chapter!
Response from sunny33 (Author of Under the Professor's Robes)
Order alphabet soup from the kitchens for lunch the spell out SHAG ME in noodles in Sev's soup? Mind you, he'd probably assume a house elf was propositioning him! ;)
Oh, poor Severus--little does he know that sometimes when a witch gets comfy enough to talk about her sex life, well... Let's see if he figures some of it out--hehe! Hermione is doing a wickedly wonderful job of keeping Severus all ruffled and *agitated* Great chapter!
Response from sunny33 (Author of Under the Professor's Robes)
Definitely ruffled! :)
Heh heh....not only sleeping on the job but one wonders if Brewer's Droop......if you'll pardon the pun........might not also be a potential symptom of Sev's incapacity to hold his liquor. Oh the shame of it! No self respecting Northern lad should be that way. But sad to say they often are! And so realistic. But just remember...it's not all grim up north!LOL! Great tale Sunny and certainly brightens my day when you update a story. Best wishes, Love Ali xxx.
Response from sunny33 (Author of Under the Professor's Robes)
Great to hear you're enjoying it! Sitting here in tearoom with quaffie who waves and says hi! :)
Response from aliciana (Reviewer)
And big UP to both of you. Hope you and yours are well. Ali xxx. BTW......hasn't Ms Quaffie got a story or two of her own to finish?
Response from sunny33 (Author of Under the Professor's Robes)
I keep nagging the woman, but I'm getting nowhere. Perhaps I should txt her and leave messages on her work computer. "What happens next?". " What happens next?" "What the hell happens next!"