Holiday: Part 1

Severus frowned. "I do not wish to go to headquarters for my holiday break. I enjoy the silence about the castle." He shook his head when her lip pouted. "Hermione, you can stay here. Tell Potter to go on without you." He looked over his shoulder to see if the boy was still in his room and lowered his voice. "I daresay, it would be much more enjoyable for us if you would stay here alone."

"I would love that, Severus, but Harry can't go unless I go with him. We have to remain together. That's what Dumbledore said!" Hermione retorted in annoyance. "If you come under the pretense of chaperoning, at least we'll get to spend some time together."

"Yes, lots of time, I'm certain," he said sarcastically. "There will be a dozen Weasleys and no telling who else! We'll not have any time alone." Damn Potter always had to ruin things. If she wasn't landed in confinement with the boy, they could have spent the holidays together. He'd tried to convince the headmaster to allow her to go to his home with him, but the man wouldn't hear of it, insisting people would question her whereabouts.

"Er... well, you see..." She didn't know how to put her next suggestion, knowing he'd not like any idea of Harry's.

"Go on," he said, crossing his arms and glaring down at her.

"I was thinking that I could share a room with Gabrielle."

Face contorted in annoyance, he questioned, "And this means what to me?"

"It means that Harry can come see her during the night, and I can borrow his Invisibility Cloak to slip off to your room," she blurted quickly.

He looked thoughtful for a moment. "Where would you tell this girl you were going whilst Potter visited?"

"To see you," she said without thinking. "Oh... to the library?"

"What if she mentions it to someone else? It's too risky. We'll get caught."

"Why do you have to be so stubborn? I just want you around me at least, even if I can't slip into your room or accidentally bump into you out in the wooded area near the brook."

"It's the thought of being in that house with all of the others and wasting my time for nothing."

"Nothing?" she asked shrilly.

Severus realized his mistake. "You know what I mean, Hermione."

Sniffing, she nodded. "I'm disappointed, but you know what? I'm going. Stay here in the castle and enjoy the holidays alone, Severus. That's your choice. I'll not ruin Harry's holiday."

"I apologize," he said, uncrossing his arms. "I meant that I wouldn't want to go to headquarters for the entire holiday and not be able to have you... alone."

"But you'd still be able to see me. Doesn't that mean anything?"

He sighed. "Yes, it does, but it's not the same."

"Fine," she said irritably.

"Don't be that way."

"Right. I won't." She shrugged. "Happy Christmas then. We leave shortly."

"I don't have to put up with your insufferable, childish attitude," he said. "If you can't see things from my perspective, then you've not matured as much as I'd thought. I am disappointed in you." He turned on his heel and strode away, leaving her there gaping. He nearly turned back to admit that he was being insensitive, but he couldn't. If he gave in to her every whim, she would think that he would always give in. There were some things that would happen at some point, and only he would be making any decisions about them. She would have to accept that.

Severus wondered, though, if perhaps he was being too stubborn with this. He could have spent time with her, albeit not private time. "No," he said bitterly. "I'll not be landed with Potter and his groupies for the holidays."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hermione smiled at Gabrielle. "I appreciate you taking me in," she said.

"Ginevra seems upset," she said, shrugging. "Eet doesn't matter to me."

Smirking, Hermione said, "No, I suppose not. Not with Harry coming to visit with you after hours, eh?" It was easy to keep up false cheer with Gabrielle because the girl couldn't read her very well, not being her friend all that long.

"Yes," Gabrielle said simply.

Harry poked his head in and extended a hand to her. "Gabby, want to come watch me have a game with Ron?" The girl quickly agreed and took his hand, not looking back at Hermione until Harry spoke to her. "Want to come, Mione?"

"No, thanks. I'll unpack my things and go down to pick a book to read."

He nodded. "All right. If you change your mind, come on up."

She smiled. "Sure."

After she was alone, she sat on the bed and cried softly. Why couldn't Severus have come? Ron had Pansy. Harry had Gabby. Ginny had Draco. She had no one. It was completely obvious that he didn't care for her as much as she cared for him. She would have been completely satisfied to only see him at meals or whilst reading quietly. In her mind, she would have at least been with him. He refused to come if they wouldn't be able to have a shag. Arsehole! she thought bitterly. She could see his point, but what would it have hurt him to come for at least a few days?

She decided to write a letter to him. It was time that she said some things to him without him being able to override her or distract her. If he didn't like it and chose to end things, then so be it, but she would be heard.

Severus,

Hermione

She quickly read the short note over. "That should make him think things over." She felt guilty about sending him something so wretched before Christmas, but with how his attitude had been, it made them even. She was going to have a miserable Christmas now that he'd rejected her. How dare he say that he was disappointed in her and call her immature simply because she'd wanted him to spend time with her? I understand his point, but I would have went through a holiday with people that I didn't like to be with him or to have just some time in his presence.

Before she could change her mind, she went to retrieve Hedwig from the room that Harry was sharing with Ron. "I need you to deliver this letter to Professor Snape at Hogwarts. All right, girl?"

The owl seemed to hoot as if she understood. Hermione turned to leave the room after securing the letter to her leg and bumped into Pansy.

"What are you doing in here?" she asked, eyes narrowed.

"Oh, er... I needed to borrow Harry's owl," she said, nodded to the owl clutching to her finger.

Pansy crossed her arms. "I saw you sneak in here with a parchment. I thought you might have been hiding a letter for Ron, trying to get him back."

"Oh, no, of course not," Hermione said, shocked. "It's for my... boyfriend," she lied. "Nobody else knows that I have one, but I do. So you needn't worry about me trying anything with Ron!"

"Boyfriend?" Pansy asked incredulously.

"Yes."

"You are such a liar, Hermione," Pansy spat hatefully. "You have nobody. Maybe you're in here to send an owl, probably about schoolwork, but it could be that you're hoping to run into Ron."

"I'm not, Pansy," Hermione hissed indignantly. "I really am sending this to my lover. Just because I don't apply loads of make-up or prance around in revealing clothing, doesn't mean that someone hasn't found me attractive enough to date."

"Is that so?" Pansy asked, eyebrow arched, arms crossed.

"Yes."

"Prove to me that you wrote that to your lover."

Hermione panicked. She couldn't show Pansy the entire letter, or she would know to whom it was written. "I can't show you this letter, Pansy. I don't want anyone to know about my boyfriend."

"Because you are lying, and if you are lying, then you must have plans to take Ron back from me," Pansy accused. "We're really happy, Granger. We don't need you coming here and messing things up, trying to get him to go back to you. You should have fought for him!"

"I didn't fight for him because I didn't want him any longer. I wouldn't want a cheater!" Hermione yelled. "You're worried that since he cheated on me, he'll do the same to you, aren't you?"

"Yes," Pansy admitted. "Just leave us alone."

Hermione took the rolled up parchment from Hedwig's leg. She broke the seal and unrolled it slightly. "Look, Pansy," she offered, holding the paper for her to see. Only a few words were revealed.

Love from,

Hermione

"If I was writing to anyone other than a lover would I sign it like this?" she asked, hoping the girl would be put at ease. The last thing she wanted was Ron. Her holiday was going to be lonely enough without having the house in an uproar over an argument between her and Pansy.

Pansy eyed the letter, then looked to Hedwig, and then, she brought her wide-eyes to Hermione. "You're serious, aren't you? He's your lover." She nodded to the parchment. "The one you're sending this to?"

"He is," Hermione said evenly, hoping her sincerity would show through.

"When I saw you together, I thought it odd that he looked at you with... affection and opted to remain in your company. I never would have imagined that..."

"What are you on about? He's not anyone you know!" Hermione interrupted, hoping that Pansy hadn't truly guessed.

"It's Professor Snape," the girl said, dashing Hermione's hopes. "He's your lover. He's the one that has been keeping watch over you. You've... fallen for him."

"Pansy, no, it's not like that. Really..."

After a brief silence, Pansy asked, "You truly don't want Ron?"

"I don't."

"I heard you tell Hedwig where to bring the letter. That's how I knew it was he that you were owling, and when I saw the way you signed the letter, it all clicked." Pansy sat on the nearest bed, shock evident on her face.

"Please, don't say anything. No one can know," Hermione pleaded.

There was a glint in the other girl's eyes for a moment before she smiled and extended a hand. "I think we can finally move on from what happened with us, Hermione," she said.

Smiling, Hermione took her hand. "Severus did say that you would remain silent if you did find out. I really appreciate it."

"Trust me, Gr...er...Hermione, this is for me as much as it is for you. Knowing that I don't have to worry about you cozying up to Ron makes me feel more secure. I think we can learn to be friends though, honestly," Pansy said, smiling again.

Hermione noticed that for the first time, Pansy's entire expression seemed happy and sincere. She truly wanted to be friends. "Fair enough. I've got to send this off. Hedwig looks irritated." She turned to the owl. "Come along. I've a nice treat for you!"

"Wait," Pansy said. "There is one thing that you can do for me."

"What's that?" Hermione asked suspiciously.

"Ron's sister, she doesn't like me," she blurted. "I'd like to try to make amends. I think it's in honor of you that she doesn't give in and befriend me. That or my past with Draco. If you could put in a word to her and maybe get Potter to put in a word with Ron to get him talking to Draco, things could finally be better around here. It's been miserable."

Hermione nodded and left the room. Severus did have a point. Being together might queue others in on what was going on between them. Perhaps she shouldn't send the letter. No, I have to send it. I have to tell him how I feel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Severus looked at the fire and frowned as Hermione's parchment began burning. The little minx had written him a letter the day before to try to guilt him into joining her at headquarters for the holidays. Well, she'll be sorely disappointed, as I don't intend to go. Her whinging changes nothing! he thought in annoyance. His mood darkened as he thought of her words again.

"She'll not force me into going by pretending to want to rethink our relationship. She'll be fine," he said aloud, reassuring himself.

He moved to his desk to continue working on his classes' papers. Not having anything else to do, he worked well into the night before his back ached and demanded that he get up and move about. He donned his cloak and made his way out into the corridors to happen upon any unsuspecting students that might be about after curfew.

It wasn't long before he found his way up to the Astronomy Tower and was looking out into the distance, wind whipping his hair and clothing wildly. Two students came out and began talking. They didn't notice that he was there with them, not even five feet away. They were both from the Ravenclaw House: Stewart Ackerley and Orla Quirke.

"Look," Ackerley said, pointing to the sky. "I told you the stars wouldn't be out."

"It doesn't matter," Quirke said. "I just wanted to have a walk with you without everyone looking at us."

"We'll be in trouble if Snape catches us," the boy said. "I don't want to get detention, you know!"

The girl crossed her arms and pouted. This stopped Severus from saying anything, as he'd planned. She reminded him of Hermione. Her appearance was nothing like his witch's, but her expression and body language were just like hers. He waited a moment to see what she'd say.

"Wouldn't the detention be worth it, Stew? This might be the last chance we have alone, being that the other three are always trying to tag along." She moved closer. "Happy Christmas."

Just when Severus realized that they were going to kiss, he stepped from the shadows. "How touching," he said in a low voice, looking up to the sky, purposely ignoring them. "Get yourselves back down to your common room. Do not let me catch you out after curfew for the rest of the holiday, or you shall suffer more than a detention."

The two students scurried away, and it was only then that he realized that he'd not even taken points from them. "What the fucking hell is wrong with me?" he asked aloud. He knew precisely what had happened. The girl had said and acted like Hermione. Something of what she said had been more or less what Hermione's letter had said.

Could he live through the holidays with people he hated? For her? Was it important to him to see that she was happy? Yes, he wanted her happy, but he couldn't be with Potter and the others. Why was he being so stubborn about it? He had to put up with Potter's meddling each day already. Was a little privacy too much to ask? With the castle being nearly vacant for the holidays, he could have spirited her off to his chambers for some privacy, but she wouldn't even hear of it. She didn't want to ruin Potter's holiday. So be it. No damn letter would force him into changing his mind. She was bluffing. She was simply trying to manipulate him into going to her, thinking he couldn't be without her.

So what if she told me that she loves me? Severus paused mid stride. It wasn't often that he thought of those words. How does she know what love is? She's too young, and they hadn't been in a relationship long enough to feel love. Lust? Most definitely. Caring? Yes. Possessiveness? Damn right. Love? No. Not now. If ever.

Feeling troubled, he made his way back to his personal chambers. "Do I love her?" he asked his reflection in the mirror as he pulled his cloak off. He felt deeply for her, but it couldn't be defined as love. Perhaps one day. "I will NOT be goaded into going to Grimmauld Place!" he yelled at the mirror, flinching at the sight.

"Why would she love me?" he asked suddenly. "What have I to truly offer her? Am I simply a Weasley replacement?" He shook his head, a small smirk playing about his lips. "No, she does want me." It was true that she'd agreed to move in with him after she graduated. They would share a home, and she could work wherever she'd like. There was never any discussion of marriage, nor did she seem to want that. The last time she'd been in his bed, she had been ready to accept him within her body.

If he would go to see her over the holidays, he could... "No!" he said firmly, pulling the rest of his clothing off and moving towards the bed. "I've made my decision."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ginny smiled as Hermione left to go back up to the house. For some reason, she'd wanted to talk to her about Pansy Parkinson. Ginny could see Hermione's point, and she understood that she had moved on. It just seemed a pity. Ron and Hermione used to be crazy for each other. If that cow hadn't offered Ron something that Hermione hadn't been ready to give, they'd still be happy together.

Hermione did seem happy without Ron. Or she had. For the last two days, she'd been moping around a little, trying to smile when people were looking. Something was going on. She'd just tried to find out what it was, but her friend wouldn't say a word. For some reason though, it was important to Hermione that they all got along. She'd talked Harry into speaking with Ron about befriending Draco. Both boys had made a friendly gesture this morning. Draco proudly refused of course, until she spoke to him and told him that she wouldn't mind seeing them call a truce. They were inside making plans for an evening of drinking games. She was glad. It had given her time to speak with Hermione. She supposed she should go in and try to make nice with Pansy.

Pansy and Gabrielle had been attached to Ron and Harry like a couple of leeches. It was quite annoying. Ginny giggled suddenly. Hadn't she been the same with Draco? What gave her the right to judge? She wished that Hermione wouldn't be alone though. She'd been reading in the library late each night. Alone. That was about to change. George seemed to have a little interest in her when she mentioned Hermione's name earlier, so while they were having a night of drinks, she'd be certain to try to get those two together.

"You seem happy, Ginevra," a masculine voice said from behind.

She immediately tensed. "Remus," she said, turning to face him. "What are you doing here?" she asked, looking around him to see if Tonks was nearby.

"I stopped by and was told that you were out here. I thought we might have a word." Without invitation, he sat down beside her."

"What is there to talk about?" she asked, looking at him oddly. "You've been avoiding me for so long. What is there to say now?" She was beginning to get angry. How dare he come to her like this and attempt to confuse her? She'd made the decision to forget him. "Shouldn't you have your girlfriend tagging along? Keeping you on a leash incase you decide to talk with anyone else?"

Remus sighed. "I'd like a word without her around. Are you up to it?"

"All right, I'll talk to you privately," Ginny said reluctantly. "Although I'd like to point out that it's an option you never gave me. You should have just told me that you didn't want me."

"It was not that," he said softly, touching her shoulder for a moment. "I didn't know what I wanted. I thought I'd make a decision for the both of us. One that would be best for the both of us, our friends, and your family."

"That's wrong, and you know it!" she said heatedly.

"Ginevra, how do you think your parents would have felt, knowing I'd kissed their only daughter? Their young daughter?"

"They would have been angry since I'm still in school, but we could have waited until I was of age. I would have waited." She stood up, brushing off her clothing. "You didn't give me the chance to decide or even let me know how you felt." Her hands began to tremble. "Does this mean that you did feel something?"

Remus stood. "I was confused. I didn't know what to think about anything, so I ran away from it."

"To her."

"Yes, to her."

Ginny shrugged. "Well, you made your decision, and I've made mine."

"Have you?" he asked, stepping closer to her.

"Yes, I have," she said, stepping back. "I'm in a relationship with Draco now, and I don't regret that decision. He talked to me. He saved me. He didn't run from his feelings."

"Are you happy?" he asked quietly.

"Yes."

He nodded. "All right. I wish you all the luck in the world." He turned to leave.

Ginny reached out and touched him on the shoulder. "Wait, Remus."

Turning to face her, he asked, "Yes?"

"Do you love her?"

"I do."

"Then, why are you here?"

"Because I love you as well," he admitted. "I was confused, but you've made the decision for the both of us. I'll respect that."

With a loud pop, he Disapparated away. "Oh my," she said shakily, gasping and dropping to her knees.

"Are you all right?" Draco asked.

She looked up through teary eyes to see his slightly scowling face and nodded. "Yeah."

He knelt down with her and pulled her into an embrace, voicing softening slightly, as he said, "I know that must have been hard for you."

"Did you hear it all?"

"Mostly," he admitted. "I couldn't just let some man be alone with my girl without finding out what he wanted." He smirked and wiped her dampened cheeks. "I'm glad that I heard."

"How so?"

"Well, I know where I stand, and while I can see that his words are bothering you, I know we can get through this together."

Ginny nodded. "Draco, I don't know what I'd have done with myself if you hadn't come along."

"Me either," he said, pulling her close.

She kissed him deeply and pulled away, eyeing him uncertainly. "I'd like to take a walk." She squeezed his body tightly. "I think our relationship is stronger now than ever, and maybe we should explore that."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been nearly three days since she'd sent the owl to Severus, and he'd not replied to her. It was the night before Christmas, and she was alone. The Weasleys and Dumbledore had graciously allowed them to have a night of games and moderated drinking. The next night would be the true Christmas party that Fleur had sent out invitations to. I'll be alone for this, for the Christmas meal, and for the real party.

She looked over to see Ginny whispering to George. She knew what she was about, and she didn't appreciate it one bit. She didn't want George encouraged. She was in love with Severus...even if the wanker didn't respond to her letter. Hermione frowned. What if he was really thinking things over? What if he decided that he didn't want her?

"What's wrong, Granger?" Pansy asked.

"Nothing," she said quietly. "I guess I just don't feel well."

"Not boy problems?" the other asked conspiratorially.

Hermione nodded. "I suppose. He didn't want to come. I wished that he would have though."

Pansy frowned. "I thought it might be something like that." She shrugged. "I guess he feels as though too many people are here." She looked around in disgust. "Look at everyone. It's like a festival or something."

"Damn," Hermione muttered under her breath, noting that George was coming towards them.

"Come on, Hermione. Ginny tells me you've been sad today. Let's get you some Christmas cheer," he said jovially, handing her a glass of something green.

"What is this?" she asked, sniffing it suspiciously.

"Slytherin's Winter, we've dubbed it," he said proudly, pointing back to Draco. "Quite minty, that. You'll like it."

Hermione said, "What the hell," and downed the shot quickly. She immediately clutched her throat. "It's freezing."

"Nothing like a cold Slytherin, eh?" he asked.

Pansy elbowed him. "Watch it."

"Oi!" he said, holding his side.

Hermione's throat finally thawed. "It's good. What have you got that's named for Gryffindor?"

"Gryffindor's Summer," he said proudly, pulling her forward. "If you like cinnamon, you'll enjoy this."

"Hand it over," she said, resolving to get lost in liquor. Why should she mope around because her wizard didn't love her enough to spend time with her?

After a couple of hours of testing their drinks and helping to concoct some of her own, George leaned over and asked in a slurred voice, "Want to go for a walk?"

Hermione was about to speak when Harry said, "No, she doesn't, thanks."

"Since when do you speak for her?" George asked, looking at Harry oddly.

"Since now," he said, pulling Hermione up.

"Hang on," George said, standing as well.

"George!" Pansy said suddenly, winking at Harry. "Come on back here! You didn't take up my challenge!"

"Challenge, eh?" he asked, turning away from Hermione and Harry to see what Pansy had to say.

"Come on," Harry said, pulling her towards the stairway.

"Thanks, Harry," she mumbled. "I think I do need a little sleep. I'm quite pissed."

"Yeah, well, you'd better sober up quick," he said, urging her forward, both ignoring the painting's screams.

Hermione didn't say anything. She wondered why he would lecture her about her drinking when he'd been doing the same thing. Suddenly, they were in the loo. He ran some water and began splashing some on her face.

"Try to sober up," he said firmly. "I'll be right back." He paused. "And brush your teeth."

Before she could retort angrily, he closed the door. "How dare he say something like that to me? As if I don't brush them! My parents are dentists, damn it!"

She splashed her face, brushed her teeth, and pulled her hair up in an elastic. The door opened, and Harry appeared again with his Invisibility Cloak.

"Take this." Harry looked at her oddly. "You still smell like liquor. Take a shower."

"What? Why are you telling me these things?"

He threw his cloak down and shoved her towards the shower. "Hermione, I was trying to sneak upstairs with Gabrielle, and I saw a great black bat ascending the stairs," he said cheekily.

"So?" Oh! Could he mean...?

"So he's in the last room at the end of the hall on the third floor. I thought you might want to know before you made any mistakes."

"S-Severus? Here?" Her heart leapt. "He came!"

"He did," Harry said, nodding. "I don't know how he feels about you having a few drinks and getting pissed. That's why I brought you up here first. Take my cloak. Wear it to your room when you come back down. I'll be there waiting." He moved back to the door. "And, Hermione?"

"Yes?" she asked, still shocked that he'd come for her. In just a few moments, she'd be with him. In private.

"Gabrielle and I will cover for you. Don't worry."

"Thank you, Harry. I appreciate this."

"Anytime," he said, smiling. "Happy Christmas, Hermione."

"You, too, Harry."

When the door closed behind him, she quickly discarded her clothing and stepped into the shower to wash and hoped the spray would help to sober her up. She wanted to remember everything about her first experience of making love with him. She didn't want it to be marred by having had too much to drink. She dried herself, and instead of putting on her clothing again, she simply put her soiled clothes into the basket for the wash, slipped the Invisibility Cloak around her, and made her way to the floor above.

I hope he appreciates this, she thought nervously. She was glad that he hadn't stayed below with the other adults in the kitchen. She was glad that Harry had seen him.

She quietly found her way to the room that had been designated as his. A quick flick of her wand saw the door unlocked, and she pushed it open. He seemed startled for only a moment before raising an eyebrow. He was clad only in his white linen shirt and trousers, obviously preparing himself for bed. She closed the door behind her and locked it magically before pulling the hood of the cloak from her head.

Hermione said the first thing that came to her mind. "You came for me."

Severus walked forward, unbuttoning his shirt as he did so. He stopped right in front of her, lowered his mouth to her ear, and whispered, "Not yet, Hermione, but I shall."

She felt her skin tingle as chills passed through her body. Nothing would keep her from being with him this night. She was willing to let the last few days go if he could. She'd noticed his little play on words, and she thought that it was time she made her own. "You'll not have to come alone," she said, only blushing slightly at her bold words. She allowed Harry's cloak to fall away from her completely to reveal her naked body and was satisfied with his sharp intake of breath.

Southern's Notes: The next chapter will have what we've all been waiting for...well, what most of us have been waiting for anyway. I'm sorry this took so long to get to you. There were just so many things. I had to rework the chapter and push some things back into the next one (avoids thrown objects). Another hurricane caused some damage around here. While I only lost my utilities for a short while, I had a leaky roof, thanks to the rain. And there are many other things I can name. Those are all gone now, and I'm ready to get back to work.

The next chapter is completely written (see my evil beta's note below!). I'll post that as soon as I can. Ready for it? Any other requests–aside from smut?

Nay's notes: I held this chapter captive until I got the next one! Teehee. Sorry everyone!