A Quantum of Memory
Chapter 48 of 101
Rose of the WestSeptima remembers several things, some of which seem pertinent. One thing is as clear as ever.
ReviewedDisclaimer: The characters here and the world they inhabit are the creation and property of JK Rowling and her assigns.
Septima couldn't understand why she was willing to let Severus point a wand at her after their last conversation. She just knew she needed this if she would ever be able to move on. For some reason, she trusted him on an intellectual level if not a personal one. If the potion worked, he might get a paper out of it.
She'd nearly had sex with Remus a few nights earlier. His kisses reminded her of Severus, and she'd welcomed the touch of a wizard as he had slowly undressed her. She had leaned back on the couch, pulling him against her. His hand had moved up her leg and she sighed with desire. “Oh, Severus...”
Nothing had happened for a moment. Then the wizard had sat up, and had started to get dressed. Septima had suddenly realized what happened. “I'm so sorry,” she had whispered. “Please, I won't do it again, I promise.”
Remus had smiled and kissed her softly. “You're almost ready, but not quite. It won't be long, Septima. I can wait.”
Now, tonight, she needed Severus. She needed his potion to help her remember whatever it was that he thought was so bloody important. Without her memories, she would be unable to move on. He obviously wanted her to move on, and Lupin needed her to move on so that he could be cured. This evening could be the key to everything.
She knew a moment of trepidation as Severus pointed his wand, but his eyes were gentle, and she barely heard the spell. She felt him sift through various memories that came to the forefront of her mind as dreams. There were so many things; the potion couldn't be working properly. There was such an odd jumble of memories that she couldn't make anything of it. Perhaps Severus could. The first thing that was in her mind was a night when they were young.
She was basking in the glow of that Descartes print and the fact that Severus had put so much effort and thought into something for her. She wasn't fooled about the price. She knew that it hadn't cost much. That didn't matter. What mattered was the effort he must have put into thinking about it and finding it.
They spent almost an entire day in bed, and there were times when she thought she would die from the delight he brought to her. He seemed so content in those moments. She was sure he loved her. He must have loved her to spend so much time looking for that print.
Then she was in her classroom just before dinner. Gryffindor was having a Quidditch practice, if she recalled it properly, but Hermione Granger wanted to chat about things. Hermione stopped by perhaps once per week just to talk.
“I feel like I can tell you things I can't tell anyone else,” she said. “You seem to understand better than anyone. The only other person I have like that is my mum, but she doesn't understand the magical parts.”
Septima had to sit down at that. There was something in what the girl had said that she found a bit unsettling. Then again, although she loved her, there was usually something unsettling about Hermione. Sometimes she even felt dizzy around her. To regain her equilibrium, she looked up at the chalkboard. She had just written her conversion equation there before the girl had come to visit.
Hermione asked about the equation and what the intent was. Septima explained it, and the two stared at it for a while. Suddenly, Hermione asked about two terms. “Are they backwards?”
“Why yes, they are.” Septima straightened them out with a wave of her wand.
“I don't know how, but I feel like I know this equation, not quite as though I've seen it before, but that it's somehow a part of me,” said Hermione. “Isn't that odd?”
“Odd... yes...” said Septima as she fought to control nausea and the rushing sound in her ears...
“...Go to hell,” she heard herself tell Severus.
Severus left, and an unbearable pain started in her lower back and then clamped down on her whole belly.
The matron ran over. “You need to relax, dearie.”
“My baby is going to die.”
“Hush, now. Nothing is certain yet. If you can stop fretting, we'll save this child for sure.”
She realized the problem was Severus. Calculating about Severus, thinking about Severus, especially talking to Severus... all these things would have to stop. Suddenly, she knew what she needed to do about this baby.
“All right,” she said. “Teach me those relaxation techniques.”
Severus pulled her into his arms. He kissed the tears on her eyelids. She pulled away. “I'm sorry, I know you hate this.”
“You should hate me for that last memory.”
“You know I'll never hate you.” There was an uncomfortable silence, and then she thought back upon the memories they'd dredged up. “What do you suppose the memories mean?”
He smiled. “I think it's entirely likely that the first memory was about the day we conceived our child.”
She nodded. “It was the time that I most felt as though we loved each other. I know I was presuming upon you—”
He shook his head. “I certainly had feelings for you that I still don't understand, and I had just been crushed by a disappointment. Yet there you were, to comfort and care for me. You gave me confidence in myself as a person worthy of love.”
“The second memory seems so disconnected and random.”
Severus thought for several moments before speaking. “I've compared Miss Granger to Renée before. Perhaps you've linked them in your mind, too.”
She could see in his eyes that it wasn't exactly what he was thinking, but she let it go. The third memory troubled her the most. “Do you think I ended the pregnancy on purpose, and that's why I needed memory modification?”
He pulled her close at that. “I have certain knowledge that you did not do that. I looked. Your records at St. Mungo's indicate that your pregnancy ended naturally. Besides, I don't think you could ever do that.”
“If I did, it would explain why I needed memory modification...”
“It didn't happen, I know it didn't happen,” he whispered emphatically.
“But—” she never finished the sentence because he kissed her. She thought to herself that she should check the potion he used for aphrodisiac properties, but then he had a tendency of kissing her when he wanted her to stop talking. Somehow they were lying on her bed and most of their clothes were off. This wizard knew exactly how to touch her, how to kiss her, and how to make love to her. This was the wizard she loved.
“Oh, Severus...”
There was a groan of pleasure in response, and she knew, as she lost track of conscious thought, that she'd gotten it right this time.
A/N: Thanks to Owlbait and Kyria of Delphi for helping me through this one with a minimum of confusion!
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Latest 25 Reviews for Quantum Mechanics
328 Reviews | 7.55/10 Average
I found this story on random and unfortunately got into it before I realized it hadn't been finished. I've enjoyed the pairing and the artful way in which you weave in and out of canon. I'm so sorry you've abandoned this tale - I would have liked to have seen how you would have handled the remainder of the story.
Just digging through my WIPs and noticed that you haven't surfaced in awhile. I hope everything is okay, and that you are going to continue this. I miss you.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Thank you so much for asking about this! It's a full year since I wrote the chapter last posted for this story. My beta reader got sick, and then I got distracted by other things. I'm sorry about that. I know exactly what's supposed to happen next; I just need to write it. Let me see what I can do.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Thank you so much for asking about this! It's a full year since I wrote the chapter last posted for this story. My beta reader got sick, and then I got distracted by other things. I'm sorry about that. I know exactly what's supposed to happen next; I just need to write it. Let me see what I can do.
Don't know how I missed this update. I like the twists this story is taking with canon. Of course, things aren't going to be smooth for them for a long time, if ever.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Thank you for the review! I hope I'm staying relatively consistent with the canon, even if there are a few AU leaps here and there.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Thank you for the review! I hope I'm staying relatively consistent with the canon, even if there are a few AU leaps here and there.
Oooh, clever Severus...
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
He has some good ideas, sometimes. Thank you for the review!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
He has some good ideas, sometimes. Thank you for the review!
Please write more!!! I actually have a Septima Vector (the only) Twitter account. Some of the ways you see her and Snape and the intellectual part of their relationship is so close to how I see it as well. Very fun to read!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Thank you for the review! I'm so sorry I haven't updated in a while. I got caught up in a couple of things that have kept me busy since last summer. More is coming, though!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Thank you for the review! I'm so sorry I haven't updated in a while. I got caught up in a couple of things that have kept me busy since last summer. More is coming, though!
Fortunately Hermione is smart and sensible, because it must be difficult to have to treat and be treated by your parents as if you are teacher and student. I am sure she can understand and play along, but still, it would be tough. If Severus was smart, he would teach occlumency to Hermione, who could in turn teach Harry :)
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Yes, I'm sure it's difficult, but she's been keeping things from the boys for a while, like when she had the time-turner. Severus will be teaching her some extra useful things, though. Thank you, again!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Yes, I'm sure it's difficult, but she's been keeping things from the boys for a while, like when she had the time-turner. Severus will be teaching her some extra useful things, though. Thank you, again!
My favorite part of the chapter was Hermione spying on her parents. What a Harry thing to do, LOL! But, it makes you wish that they could see themselves through her eyes. I think after while you start to miss the subtle nuances in your relationship, or maybe they've never noticed because there is so much baggage with their relationship. Perhaps the Snapes need a trip into the pensieve. Nice chapter.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
It was time to bring in Hermione's POV, but yes, that's exactly what I was hoping for, here. We've gotten so much of what they're thinking and feeling, but they can't see some of the things that are visible from the outside. Thank you so much for your review!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
It was time to bring in Hermione's POV, but yes, that's exactly what I was hoping for, here. We've gotten so much of what they're thinking and feeling, but they can't see some of the things that are visible from the outside. Thank you so much for your review!
Well, as he said, he likes her better than anyone living. LOL
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Yep! I'm not sure he quite understands what that means, yet. Thank you for the review!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Yep! I'm not sure he quite understands what that means, yet. Thank you for the review!
These two are so compatible in most all things, and yet, there is a sort of disconnect when it comes to their relationship. Lily is always hanging there betweem them, keeping Severus from knowing he loves Septima, and keeping her from feeling worthy of his love. But still, they remain together. I wonder what will finally bring them together completely?
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Thank you, again! Yes, he's still got the idea that love has to hurt, and Septima is finally giving him a dose of uncertainty, but that's not necessarily good either. Yet now with the whole Lily thing understood, things are starting to even out. There are still a couple of canon secrets from Septima that have an effect on them as a couple. We'll discover them eventually.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Thank you, again! Yes, he's still got the idea that love has to hurt, and Septima is finally giving him a dose of uncertainty, but that's not necessarily good either. Yet now with the whole Lily thing understood, things are starting to even out. There are still a couple of canon secrets from Septima that have an effect on them as a couple. We'll discover them eventually.
That didn't go well. It could have been much worse of course, but it wasn't pretty either. But, I am glad that Septima said the things that she did. She needs to get it out, and let him know how she feels. And, not succumb to his request to come to bed with him. Of course, it was surely good for him, too. If they can just stay the course and continue to communicate- good, bad, or otherwise- I think that things just might work out.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Thank you for the review! I think they needed a chance to have the whole thing out. She's been so afraid of his temper and of losing him over the course of their relationship, and now she's finally shed that worry and can say what she thinks, even though it's in the back of her mind that maybe she's pushing him too far.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Thank you for the review! I think they needed a chance to have the whole thing out. She's been so afraid of his temper and of losing him over the course of their relationship, and now she's finally shed that worry and can say what she thinks, even though it's in the back of her mind that maybe she's pushing him too far.
I'm a little surprised that he shared so willingly. And didn't sugar coat it. There is hope yet. Damn Lily and her carelessness with men's hearts (and other parts, apparently, LOL).
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Lily just wanted to make sure she and James were "compatable." Unfortunately, she wasn't worried about how the other people involved would be affected. But I think Severus realizes here that there's nothing to hold on to, and he's always felt safe to tell things to Septima. Not that she's going to just handle it and move on, of course. Thank you, again!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Lily just wanted to make sure she and James were "compatable." Unfortunately, she wasn't worried about how the other people involved would be affected. But I think Severus realizes here that there's nothing to hold on to, and he's always felt safe to tell things to Septima. Not that she's going to just handle it and move on, of course. Thank you, again!
Oh, dear. She heard a lot in a short conversation. Fortunately, Severus didn't hear it. I wonder if she will share any of it with him, or ask about Lily. That was possibly the worst part of the conversation. These two really need to have a heart to heart so they know where each other stands.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
I'm not sure how much Severus overheard. I think he got enough of it to know the jist of what they were talking about and to prepare for what Septima must have been thinking. They do need to talk everything out, but he's been holding onto his memory of Lily like a miser. Now that it's out there, perhaps they can start to figure things out. Thank you for the review!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
I'm not sure how much Severus overheard. I think he got enough of it to know the jist of what they were talking about and to prepare for what Septima must have been thinking. They do need to talk everything out, but he's been holding onto his memory of Lily like a miser. Now that it's out there, perhaps they can start to figure things out. Thank you for the review!
Horses ... centaurs ... she'll figure it out eventually, LOL.I like how Hermione scolds Severus and then hugs him before running off all in a short span of time.Things are a little tense betweem Septima and Severus, huh? I do hope they can both figure themselves out, and therefore, be more available emotionally to one another. The physical side of things ... I think they've got that part worked out already. ;)
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
You've hit the nail on the head. They need to figure out what exactly is going on between them. It was one thing when they had a secret to keep from Dumbledore, but now with the Dark Lord and the Order of the Phoenix involved in their lives, they need to understand better what the situation is. As for the scolding and hugging, it's the sort of thing that happens to the Daddy at our house all the time, LOL.Thanks for great reviews!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
You've hit the nail on the head. They need to figure out what exactly is going on between them. It was one thing when they had a secret to keep from Dumbledore, but now with the Dark Lord and the Order of the Phoenix involved in their lives, they need to understand better what the situation is. As for the scolding and hugging, it's the sort of thing that happens to the Daddy at our house all the time, LOL.Thanks for great reviews!
What a sweet little chapter. Septima does have a right to a life outside of her family, and if she bows down to everyone else's needs all of the time, she will lose herself entirely. That is a good sign for her.I loved the nice family feel to the scene she witnessed between her children. It was sweet as can be, and though she felt a little jealous, it seems she can see the goodness in it, as well.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
It can be a bit complicated to sort out motherhood along with the other things the mother actually wants in her life. It's a bit of a mid-life crisis, to realize some things aren't feasible, others may need to be postponed, while other things are lovely here and now. She'll figure it out. ;) I love watching siblings interact, especially when they don't realize their mum is watching. They can form such a bond together, hopefully not against the parents!Thanks so much!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
It can be a bit complicated to sort out motherhood along with the other things the mother actually wants in her life. It's a bit of a mid-life crisis, to realize some things aren't feasible, others may need to be postponed, while other things are lovely here and now. She'll figure it out. ;) I love watching siblings interact, especially when they don't realize their mum is watching. They can form such a bond together, hopefully not against the parents!Thanks so much!
Severus' daughter is good with words; it must be in the genes. "Shamefully" is spot-on. I like how actively she builds up her relationship with him, even manhandling him. Excellent thinking, too, that Severus fed Hermione the idea for D.A. Yes, well, women surely are difficult ... next the old meddler will tell Severus that men are anyhow the better partners.However, why he seems to enjoy Umbrige's meddling is not clear to me. Does he try to aggravate Severus in yet another way?
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
I have several models at my house for how teenaged daughters treat their daddy. Manhandling is definitely the right word, LOL. Dumbledore has certainly hinted that he didn't think Severus would pick up with a woman, so he's just "waiting it out" until Septima gets boring or something.Meanwhile, Dumbledore is enjoying anything that causes Severus trouble because he hopes it will drive a wedge between him and Septima. Unfortunately, I don't think it's working.Thank you for the review!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
I have several models at my house for how teenaged daughters treat their daddy. Manhandling is definitely the right word, LOL. Dumbledore has certainly hinted that he didn't think Severus would pick up with a woman, so he's just "waiting it out" until Septima gets boring or something.Meanwhile, Dumbledore is enjoying anything that causes Severus trouble because he hopes it will drive a wedge between him and Septima. Unfortunately, I don't think it's working.Thank you for the review!
I love how that Arithmantic problem is spot on.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Hee hee! Well, Septima's pretty good at her art, unfortunately for Dolores. Thank you, as aways!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Hee hee! Well, Septima's pretty good at her art, unfortunately for Dolores. Thank you, as aways!
I'm glad she's finally looking to her own interests. That is important in a relationship. However, she's been bottled up so long, I fear more of the same will be coming out of her mouth.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Oh, yes, she's going to be full of snippy remarks until this is finally hashed out. She feels just confident enough to know what's missing in her life. Thank you for the review!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Oh, yes, she's going to be full of snippy remarks until this is finally hashed out. She feels just confident enough to know what's missing in her life. Thank you for the review!
Excellent! Septima sends them away, and they find--family life! And they manage hermione's problems without her, too! Yes, she has a right to this--as much as her family has. 
A win-win-win-win situation; let's hope Septima sees it that way too.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
I think Septima is beginning to realize that even when they're not what she was looking for, good things are good things. Thank you for the review!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
I think Septima is beginning to realize that even when they're not what she was looking for, good things are good things. Thank you for the review!
Leaving Septima alone with Dumbledore is always dangerous, even if the harm isn't physical.Yay for the return of the chalkboard!I thought it was interesting that when Septime made the comment about him being on both the giving and receiving end of rejection and humiliation, he automatically thinks about Lily, but not about Septima. Does he have any clue how he sometimes makes her feel? I mean he is very, very good to her, and I don't think he has bad intentions, but he is still not 100% committed to her, and in the end, that is what she needs and deserves.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
I think the clue brick is in mid-swing. He's going to understand. Right now, though, he's still thinking "Yay for the return of the chalkboard!" along with you. I think Septima handled herself all right, and she survived Dumbledore being the way he always is, Mad Eye making in-your-face comments, and Tonks casting hexes. Pretty successful meeting, actually. Thanks, so much!
Response from HBAR (Reviewer)
That crazy chalkboard! I've never been quite so fond of an inanimate object before! ;)
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Mmm! Me, either. ;) thank you, again!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
I think the clue brick is in mid-swing. He's going to understand. Right now, though, he's still thinking "Yay for the return of the chalkboard!" along with you. I think Septima handled herself all right, and she survived Dumbledore being the way he always is, Mad Eye making in-your-face comments, and Tonks casting hexes. Pretty successful meeting, actually. Thanks, so much!
Response from HBAR (Reviewer)
That crazy chalkboard! I've never been quite so fond of an inanimate object before! ;)
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Mmm! Me, either. ;) thank you, again!
What a nice talk Septima and Remus had. I am glad that past events didn't sour their friendship.And Sirius putting the moves on her made me giggle. Then Snape burst in and snatched her away, and while he made an obnoxious comment about Sirius' house (which also made me giggle) there was no fighting between the two which was a relief. There is enough tension as it is with Dumbledore around.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Thank you! I think Remus and Septima see each other as veterans from the same battle. I've always pictured Sirius as a perpetual young adult male on the make, so he would consider any presentable female to be fair game. Isn't it wonderful that Snape can make a neutral comment obnoxious just with a shrug and wave of his hand? I love that about him.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Thank you! I think Remus and Septima see each other as veterans from the same battle. I've always pictured Sirius as a perpetual young adult male on the make, so he would consider any presentable female to be fair game. Isn't it wonderful that Snape can make a neutral comment obnoxious just with a shrug and wave of his hand? I love that about him.
Oh, no, now Mad Eye as well. I'd reformulate: Why does Septima feel the need to harp on Lily? Then that's a just question, and only Severus knows the answer. A great chapter, as always.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Mad Eye's ok, just a bit in-your-face. It was Tonks who cast that hex. I'll look at that sentence again. It might flow better that way. Thanks!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Mad Eye's ok, just a bit in-your-face. It was Tonks who cast that hex. I'll look at that sentence again. It might flow better that way. Thanks!
trouble in paradise, evidently.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Well, now that Septima has just about everything she wants, she's going to get dissatisfied... that's unfortunately normal for some of us. Thank you, again!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Well, now that Septima has just about everything she wants, she's going to get dissatisfied... that's unfortunately normal for some of us. Thank you, again!
Interesting that she is being inducted. Black needs a good slap.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Aw! He's harmless... so far, but we may get to slap him, too. Thank you for the review!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Aw! He's harmless... so far, but we may get to slap him, too. Thank you for the review!
I so hope Sirius fainted from seeing Severus smile! 
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
LOL! Sirius is mostly harmless. I don't think he knows a proper way to be in public after all that time in Azkaban and on the run. I think you're right, too. Severus seems to have everything Sirius doesn't have right now.
Severus is so cunning. I'm glad Dumbles is getting played for once.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Yeah, Dumbles is going to wait a couple of years for Severus to get bored, and then we'll be at the end of book 6, bwa ha ha... Thank you so much!