Unquantifiable Pain
Chapter 13 of 101
Rose of the WestSeverus faces the reality of his life. Caution: Implied character death in this chapter.
ReviewedDisclaimer: The characters here and the world they inhabit are the creation and property of JK Rowling and her assigns.
Severus was uplifted when he returned to his lab. His arm ached, but he had pleased the Dark Lord. What's more, the Dark Lord promised that he would get everything he wanted. Severus would have power, he would be recognized, and he would have Lily. Regulus had been sent to fetch her on the pretext of speaking with his brother. Everything was working out.
The only problem was Septima, but she was understanding. She knew Lily existed. He hoped that once he explained how he planned to take care of the baby, she would be all right. There would be no more nights of studying and working out theory until he got so hot that he shagged her on the table or the couch, but they were almost done with their collaboration, and there would be Lily. She would be—He didn't know what Lily would be, but it would be wonderful.
Following the note he found when he got back to his office, he went to St. Mungo's.
“She had a hard go of it for a few hours, but she's resting comfortably now. She's going to stay here for a day or so, and we'll see how it goes,” the Matron told him as they walked toward Septima's bed.
She looked completely washed out and mousy. He would talk to her about Lily at another time. It wouldn't do to have that conversation now. It could wait.
“How are you?” he asked.
“You're one of them now, aren't you?”
His arm tingled, and he twitched. “Yes.”
“You're going to leave me.”
She seemed to know. Perhaps she'd been using those equations again. In the hands of a witch with her native talent, they could be surprisingly accurate. “We weren't exactly together, were we?”
“You bastard,” she whispered, “making sure I knew every moment that you were just with me until you got what you really wanted. I know that last night you were getting everything you wanted and I'm—” She winced and her body seemed to fold in on itself.
The Matron suddenly appeared. “Hush, dearie. The pains will ease if you can relax. You must try.”
Septima nodded and lay back against her pillows. “Go ahead, Severus. There's no baby for you to worry about any more.”
His arm started to hurt. He realized that Regulus must have come back even at the same time he realized what Septima was telling him. “That's sorted then,” he said aloud.
Through the haze of physical pain that commanded his attention, he saw the shock and anguish in Septima's eyes. “Go to hell,” she said.
He couldn't wait to go, so he left. He found Regulus at the Death Eaters' meeting place and she was with him. “Here's your Mudblood. It was pretty easy to find her. She's been confounded so that I wouldn't have to listen to her.”
Severus put his arm around Lily and Apparated to his apartment. He gently reversed the charm on Lily and sat down near her. “If you only knew how much I've wanted this,” he said.
“Clearly, if you've sold your soul for it,” she said. “You're really one of them, now, aren't you?”
“Just this afternoon.”
“I knew it would happen all along. What's supposed to happen now? Are we supposed to do it on this sofa? Do I have to pretend to like it?”
He stood up. He didn't know why, but it couldn't happen where Septima had—“We're going to be together forever now. I want to marry you.”
“You must be kidding. Are you sure it's me you want?”
“Why would you say that?”
“I've seen your little lab partner, Severus. I've heard that you can't keep your hands off her. You're the father of her baby, aren't you?”
“Septima was just... we were just having some laughs together. At any rate, there's no complication there. I've just been to see her. The baby... is gone.” For the first time, he suddenly realized what happened. That warm bump in Septima's belly, the squiggly movement he'd just felt this afternoon, it was all gone.
Lily stared at him in horror. “That's pretty ironic. You became a Death Eater while your own child was dying?”
Suddenly Severus couldn't stand the sight of her. “Go,” he whispered.
“Lord Voldemort—” He stiffened at use of the name, but she didn't notice— “obtained me for you. Won't there be a problem when you get rid of me so soon?”
He shrugged. “I'll tell him you displeased me. He tried to convince me to take a wife who was of purer blood anyway and not some Mudblood...” Now it was Lily's turn to stiffen. “I want you to stay, Lily. I've loved you since I was ten years old, but I can't do this now. If you can't be happy with me... I release you.”
“You're too good for this,” she whispered. She kissed his cheek as she passed him. “Good luck, Severus. I'm sorry that James or Sirius will probably end up killing you.”
He went back to the hospital but Septima was already gone. The Matron said a great many things about young women who didn't know any better before he could get away. He went and knocked on the door to her apartment. “Septima, I need to talk to you.”
The door opened a crack. “I'm not supposed to be up.”
“Then let me come in and talk.”
“I can't anymore. It's over. Let me mourn in peace.” The door shut.
There was nothing left to do but go back to his own apartment. There was a picture from an early ultrasound on his bedroom dresser. He looked at it, and—for reasons he couldn't understand—tears began streaming down his face.
A/N: I think this might be the saddest chapter of the story. I hope you'll all forgive me for it. Thank you for reading and for the reviews. Thank you especially to Trickie Woo, who beta reads.
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Latest 25 Reviews for Quantum Mechanics
328 Reviews | 7.55/10 Average
I found this story on random and unfortunately got into it before I realized it hadn't been finished. I've enjoyed the pairing and the artful way in which you weave in and out of canon. I'm so sorry you've abandoned this tale - I would have liked to have seen how you would have handled the remainder of the story.
Just digging through my WIPs and noticed that you haven't surfaced in awhile. I hope everything is okay, and that you are going to continue this. I miss you.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Thank you so much for asking about this! It's a full year since I wrote the chapter last posted for this story. My beta reader got sick, and then I got distracted by other things. I'm sorry about that. I know exactly what's supposed to happen next; I just need to write it. Let me see what I can do.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Thank you so much for asking about this! It's a full year since I wrote the chapter last posted for this story. My beta reader got sick, and then I got distracted by other things. I'm sorry about that. I know exactly what's supposed to happen next; I just need to write it. Let me see what I can do.
Don't know how I missed this update. I like the twists this story is taking with canon. Of course, things aren't going to be smooth for them for a long time, if ever.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Thank you for the review! I hope I'm staying relatively consistent with the canon, even if there are a few AU leaps here and there.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Thank you for the review! I hope I'm staying relatively consistent with the canon, even if there are a few AU leaps here and there.
Oooh, clever Severus...
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
He has some good ideas, sometimes. Thank you for the review!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
He has some good ideas, sometimes. Thank you for the review!
Please write more!!! I actually have a Septima Vector (the only) Twitter account. Some of the ways you see her and Snape and the intellectual part of their relationship is so close to how I see it as well. Very fun to read!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Thank you for the review! I'm so sorry I haven't updated in a while. I got caught up in a couple of things that have kept me busy since last summer. More is coming, though!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Thank you for the review! I'm so sorry I haven't updated in a while. I got caught up in a couple of things that have kept me busy since last summer. More is coming, though!
Fortunately Hermione is smart and sensible, because it must be difficult to have to treat and be treated by your parents as if you are teacher and student. I am sure she can understand and play along, but still, it would be tough. If Severus was smart, he would teach occlumency to Hermione, who could in turn teach Harry :)
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Yes, I'm sure it's difficult, but she's been keeping things from the boys for a while, like when she had the time-turner. Severus will be teaching her some extra useful things, though. Thank you, again!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Yes, I'm sure it's difficult, but she's been keeping things from the boys for a while, like when she had the time-turner. Severus will be teaching her some extra useful things, though. Thank you, again!
My favorite part of the chapter was Hermione spying on her parents. What a Harry thing to do, LOL! But, it makes you wish that they could see themselves through her eyes. I think after while you start to miss the subtle nuances in your relationship, or maybe they've never noticed because there is so much baggage with their relationship. Perhaps the Snapes need a trip into the pensieve. Nice chapter.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
It was time to bring in Hermione's POV, but yes, that's exactly what I was hoping for, here. We've gotten so much of what they're thinking and feeling, but they can't see some of the things that are visible from the outside. Thank you so much for your review!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
It was time to bring in Hermione's POV, but yes, that's exactly what I was hoping for, here. We've gotten so much of what they're thinking and feeling, but they can't see some of the things that are visible from the outside. Thank you so much for your review!
Well, as he said, he likes her better than anyone living. LOL
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Yep! I'm not sure he quite understands what that means, yet. Thank you for the review!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Yep! I'm not sure he quite understands what that means, yet. Thank you for the review!
These two are so compatible in most all things, and yet, there is a sort of disconnect when it comes to their relationship. Lily is always hanging there betweem them, keeping Severus from knowing he loves Septima, and keeping her from feeling worthy of his love. But still, they remain together. I wonder what will finally bring them together completely?
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Thank you, again! Yes, he's still got the idea that love has to hurt, and Septima is finally giving him a dose of uncertainty, but that's not necessarily good either. Yet now with the whole Lily thing understood, things are starting to even out. There are still a couple of canon secrets from Septima that have an effect on them as a couple. We'll discover them eventually.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Thank you, again! Yes, he's still got the idea that love has to hurt, and Septima is finally giving him a dose of uncertainty, but that's not necessarily good either. Yet now with the whole Lily thing understood, things are starting to even out. There are still a couple of canon secrets from Septima that have an effect on them as a couple. We'll discover them eventually.
That didn't go well. It could have been much worse of course, but it wasn't pretty either. But, I am glad that Septima said the things that she did. She needs to get it out, and let him know how she feels. And, not succumb to his request to come to bed with him. Of course, it was surely good for him, too. If they can just stay the course and continue to communicate- good, bad, or otherwise- I think that things just might work out.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Thank you for the review! I think they needed a chance to have the whole thing out. She's been so afraid of his temper and of losing him over the course of their relationship, and now she's finally shed that worry and can say what she thinks, even though it's in the back of her mind that maybe she's pushing him too far.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Thank you for the review! I think they needed a chance to have the whole thing out. She's been so afraid of his temper and of losing him over the course of their relationship, and now she's finally shed that worry and can say what she thinks, even though it's in the back of her mind that maybe she's pushing him too far.
I'm a little surprised that he shared so willingly. And didn't sugar coat it. There is hope yet. Damn Lily and her carelessness with men's hearts (and other parts, apparently, LOL).
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Lily just wanted to make sure she and James were "compatable." Unfortunately, she wasn't worried about how the other people involved would be affected. But I think Severus realizes here that there's nothing to hold on to, and he's always felt safe to tell things to Septima. Not that she's going to just handle it and move on, of course. Thank you, again!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Lily just wanted to make sure she and James were "compatable." Unfortunately, she wasn't worried about how the other people involved would be affected. But I think Severus realizes here that there's nothing to hold on to, and he's always felt safe to tell things to Septima. Not that she's going to just handle it and move on, of course. Thank you, again!
Oh, dear. She heard a lot in a short conversation. Fortunately, Severus didn't hear it. I wonder if she will share any of it with him, or ask about Lily. That was possibly the worst part of the conversation. These two really need to have a heart to heart so they know where each other stands.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
I'm not sure how much Severus overheard. I think he got enough of it to know the jist of what they were talking about and to prepare for what Septima must have been thinking. They do need to talk everything out, but he's been holding onto his memory of Lily like a miser. Now that it's out there, perhaps they can start to figure things out. Thank you for the review!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
I'm not sure how much Severus overheard. I think he got enough of it to know the jist of what they were talking about and to prepare for what Septima must have been thinking. They do need to talk everything out, but he's been holding onto his memory of Lily like a miser. Now that it's out there, perhaps they can start to figure things out. Thank you for the review!
Horses ... centaurs ... she'll figure it out eventually, LOL.I like how Hermione scolds Severus and then hugs him before running off all in a short span of time.Things are a little tense betweem Septima and Severus, huh? I do hope they can both figure themselves out, and therefore, be more available emotionally to one another. The physical side of things ... I think they've got that part worked out already. ;)
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
You've hit the nail on the head. They need to figure out what exactly is going on between them. It was one thing when they had a secret to keep from Dumbledore, but now with the Dark Lord and the Order of the Phoenix involved in their lives, they need to understand better what the situation is. As for the scolding and hugging, it's the sort of thing that happens to the Daddy at our house all the time, LOL.Thanks for great reviews!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
You've hit the nail on the head. They need to figure out what exactly is going on between them. It was one thing when they had a secret to keep from Dumbledore, but now with the Dark Lord and the Order of the Phoenix involved in their lives, they need to understand better what the situation is. As for the scolding and hugging, it's the sort of thing that happens to the Daddy at our house all the time, LOL.Thanks for great reviews!
What a sweet little chapter. Septima does have a right to a life outside of her family, and if she bows down to everyone else's needs all of the time, she will lose herself entirely. That is a good sign for her.I loved the nice family feel to the scene she witnessed between her children. It was sweet as can be, and though she felt a little jealous, it seems she can see the goodness in it, as well.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
It can be a bit complicated to sort out motherhood along with the other things the mother actually wants in her life. It's a bit of a mid-life crisis, to realize some things aren't feasible, others may need to be postponed, while other things are lovely here and now. She'll figure it out. ;) I love watching siblings interact, especially when they don't realize their mum is watching. They can form such a bond together, hopefully not against the parents!Thanks so much!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
It can be a bit complicated to sort out motherhood along with the other things the mother actually wants in her life. It's a bit of a mid-life crisis, to realize some things aren't feasible, others may need to be postponed, while other things are lovely here and now. She'll figure it out. ;) I love watching siblings interact, especially when they don't realize their mum is watching. They can form such a bond together, hopefully not against the parents!Thanks so much!
Severus' daughter is good with words; it must be in the genes. "Shamefully" is spot-on. I like how actively she builds up her relationship with him, even manhandling him. Excellent thinking, too, that Severus fed Hermione the idea for D.A. Yes, well, women surely are difficult ... next the old meddler will tell Severus that men are anyhow the better partners.However, why he seems to enjoy Umbrige's meddling is not clear to me. Does he try to aggravate Severus in yet another way?
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
I have several models at my house for how teenaged daughters treat their daddy. Manhandling is definitely the right word, LOL. Dumbledore has certainly hinted that he didn't think Severus would pick up with a woman, so he's just "waiting it out" until Septima gets boring or something.Meanwhile, Dumbledore is enjoying anything that causes Severus trouble because he hopes it will drive a wedge between him and Septima. Unfortunately, I don't think it's working.Thank you for the review!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
I have several models at my house for how teenaged daughters treat their daddy. Manhandling is definitely the right word, LOL. Dumbledore has certainly hinted that he didn't think Severus would pick up with a woman, so he's just "waiting it out" until Septima gets boring or something.Meanwhile, Dumbledore is enjoying anything that causes Severus trouble because he hopes it will drive a wedge between him and Septima. Unfortunately, I don't think it's working.Thank you for the review!
I love how that Arithmantic problem is spot on.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Hee hee! Well, Septima's pretty good at her art, unfortunately for Dolores. Thank you, as aways!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Hee hee! Well, Septima's pretty good at her art, unfortunately for Dolores. Thank you, as aways!
I'm glad she's finally looking to her own interests. That is important in a relationship. However, she's been bottled up so long, I fear more of the same will be coming out of her mouth.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Oh, yes, she's going to be full of snippy remarks until this is finally hashed out. She feels just confident enough to know what's missing in her life. Thank you for the review!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Oh, yes, she's going to be full of snippy remarks until this is finally hashed out. She feels just confident enough to know what's missing in her life. Thank you for the review!
Excellent! Septima sends them away, and they find--family life! And they manage hermione's problems without her, too! Yes, she has a right to this--as much as her family has. 
A win-win-win-win situation; let's hope Septima sees it that way too.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
I think Septima is beginning to realize that even when they're not what she was looking for, good things are good things. Thank you for the review!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
I think Septima is beginning to realize that even when they're not what she was looking for, good things are good things. Thank you for the review!
Leaving Septima alone with Dumbledore is always dangerous, even if the harm isn't physical.Yay for the return of the chalkboard!I thought it was interesting that when Septime made the comment about him being on both the giving and receiving end of rejection and humiliation, he automatically thinks about Lily, but not about Septima. Does he have any clue how he sometimes makes her feel? I mean he is very, very good to her, and I don't think he has bad intentions, but he is still not 100% committed to her, and in the end, that is what she needs and deserves.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
I think the clue brick is in mid-swing. He's going to understand. Right now, though, he's still thinking "Yay for the return of the chalkboard!" along with you. I think Septima handled herself all right, and she survived Dumbledore being the way he always is, Mad Eye making in-your-face comments, and Tonks casting hexes. Pretty successful meeting, actually. Thanks, so much!
Response from HBAR (Reviewer)
That crazy chalkboard! I've never been quite so fond of an inanimate object before! ;)
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Mmm! Me, either. ;) thank you, again!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
I think the clue brick is in mid-swing. He's going to understand. Right now, though, he's still thinking "Yay for the return of the chalkboard!" along with you. I think Septima handled herself all right, and she survived Dumbledore being the way he always is, Mad Eye making in-your-face comments, and Tonks casting hexes. Pretty successful meeting, actually. Thanks, so much!
Response from HBAR (Reviewer)
That crazy chalkboard! I've never been quite so fond of an inanimate object before! ;)
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Mmm! Me, either. ;) thank you, again!
What a nice talk Septima and Remus had. I am glad that past events didn't sour their friendship.And Sirius putting the moves on her made me giggle. Then Snape burst in and snatched her away, and while he made an obnoxious comment about Sirius' house (which also made me giggle) there was no fighting between the two which was a relief. There is enough tension as it is with Dumbledore around.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Thank you! I think Remus and Septima see each other as veterans from the same battle. I've always pictured Sirius as a perpetual young adult male on the make, so he would consider any presentable female to be fair game. Isn't it wonderful that Snape can make a neutral comment obnoxious just with a shrug and wave of his hand? I love that about him.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Thank you! I think Remus and Septima see each other as veterans from the same battle. I've always pictured Sirius as a perpetual young adult male on the make, so he would consider any presentable female to be fair game. Isn't it wonderful that Snape can make a neutral comment obnoxious just with a shrug and wave of his hand? I love that about him.
Oh, no, now Mad Eye as well. I'd reformulate: Why does Septima feel the need to harp on Lily? Then that's a just question, and only Severus knows the answer. A great chapter, as always.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Mad Eye's ok, just a bit in-your-face. It was Tonks who cast that hex. I'll look at that sentence again. It might flow better that way. Thanks!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Mad Eye's ok, just a bit in-your-face. It was Tonks who cast that hex. I'll look at that sentence again. It might flow better that way. Thanks!
trouble in paradise, evidently.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Well, now that Septima has just about everything she wants, she's going to get dissatisfied... that's unfortunately normal for some of us. Thank you, again!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Well, now that Septima has just about everything she wants, she's going to get dissatisfied... that's unfortunately normal for some of us. Thank you, again!
Interesting that she is being inducted. Black needs a good slap.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Aw! He's harmless... so far, but we may get to slap him, too. Thank you for the review!
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Aw! He's harmless... so far, but we may get to slap him, too. Thank you for the review!
I so hope Sirius fainted from seeing Severus smile! 
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
LOL! Sirius is mostly harmless. I don't think he knows a proper way to be in public after all that time in Azkaban and on the run. I think you're right, too. Severus seems to have everything Sirius doesn't have right now.
Severus is so cunning. I'm glad Dumbles is getting played for once.
Response from Rose of the West (Author of Quantum Mechanics)
Yeah, Dumbles is going to wait a couple of years for Severus to get bored, and then we'll be at the end of book 6, bwa ha ha... Thank you so much!