Percy Weasley's Advice to Young Ministry Hopefuls

Percy Weasley’s Advice to Young Ministry Hopefuls

Obey the rules.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, obedience to the rules would be it. The long-term benefits of working within the system have been proven throughout history, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own experience as a rising young official. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll have achieved other kinds of power and won’t miss your youth too much when it starts to fade.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to get any respect in the Ministry by announcing that you’re a Weasley. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on the day you came home bursting with the news that you got a promotion and your own father said… oh, never mind.

Do one thing every day that advances you.

Sing. Everyone loves the British Wizards’ Anthem. (It sure beats that ridiculous school song I grew up with!)

Don't be reckless with other people's careers. Unless, of course, trashing someone else’s career can advance yours.

Floss. A good smile is important for public relations.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. Make sure you’re ahead as often as possible. If you’re doing it right, you won’t have time to be jealous.

Remember compliments you receive. Make a note of them. Find a way to mention them to others, but try not to sound either boastful or needy.

Keep your old love letters. But keep them well hidden, especially from your younger brothers.

Stretch. It’s especially important when you sit at the desk all day.

If you don't know what you want to do with your life, shame on you. Time’s a-wasting. The most successful people I know had a plan from very early in life and stuck to it. Get cracking!

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll need to be on them a lot for brown-nosing.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. If you do have children, remember to congratulate them on their successes. Your choices are half chance. Theirs are pure hard work.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can, but always be alert for what people think of it. There are times when it will be the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, and make sure you do it well. You’d be surprised how often a promotion may hinge on whether the wrong person jokes to your boss about your two left feet.

Read the directions, and be ready to shift the blame if they’re not followed.

When no one is looking, read beauty magazines. You will want to keep up with the latest in appropriate robes for all occasions.

Get to know your parents. You never know when you’ll have to disown them to save yourself, and it’s always nice to have a few happy memories to take away with you. Be nice to your siblings, but don’t expect any gratitude when you try to steer them away from "friends" who only you seem to see are bad for them.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to cover up for them if they begin to act strangely, and forgive them if they don’t get your name right, because the older you get, the more you need the people who can promote you to a level where your children will never have to go to school in second-hand robes.

Work for Minister Fudge once – he’ll leave before you do. Work for Minister Scrimgeour once – when he leaves, it will be time to step into his place. Achieve power.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, if you haven’t managed to achieve a position of power and influence, you don’t deserve to be respected as an elder.

Respect your elders. Well, the ones in power, anyway.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Some people can barely support themselves, let alone their remaining children, and yet they have the gall to criticize... er, never mind.

Don't mess too much with your hair or you’ll get a reputation as a fop.

Be careful whose advice you buy, and know when someone is advising you against your own best interest. Advice is a form of power. Dispensing it is a way of putting the right words in someone’s mouth, steering him toward the throne, putting him on it and then pulling the strings.

But trust me on the rules.