Sirius Black's Advice From Beyond the Veil

Sirius Black’s Advice From Beyond the Veil

Stay away from veils.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, staying as far away from veils as you possibly can would be it. The disasters that can result from getting too close to the wrong veil have been proved by – well, me, actually – and the rest of my advice is based on my own experience too. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. Just wait till you see what twelve years in Azkaban will do to you!

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to improve your marks in Transfiguration by flirting with McGonagall. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that kill your best friends and blow up their house at 11 p.m. on some idle Halloween.

Do one thing every day that scares you. Have you met my mother?

Sing. If possible sing something insulting to a Slytherin.

Don't be reckless with other people's souls. Show a little gratitude to the people who refuse to be reckless with yours.

Floss. This is especially important if your life story is ever made into a movie.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Are you listening, Snivellus?

Remember compliments you receive. Try not to let the Dementors suck them out of your memory. Forget the insults. If you don’t, you’ll find yourself going over and over them until you start to think you deserved them. The Dementors will like that. You won’t.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your "heirlooms".

Wag your tail.

Don't feel guilty if you come from an arrogant old family with bigoted attitudes. Just walk away as soon as you’re old enough and don’t look back.

Get plenty of calcium. But try to get it from some other source than rat bones.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe your friends will have children, even if you don’t. If they do, don’t confuse your best friend’s son with the best friend himself. You’d be amazed how easily that can happen!

Enjoy your tail. Wag it every chance you get. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. Just try not to knock too many small items off of end-tables with it.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your common room. Then again, why stop there? Dance everywhere you can, including the roof of the Astronomy Tower. The women will be standing in line!

Read the directions. Then figure out how to alter them to make the whole thing blow up in someone else’s face.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make your teachers seem ugly.

Get to know your godchildren. You never know when they – or you – will be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. Once they go over to the dark side, they’re gone for good.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need to hunt down the little rat bastard who betrayed you when you were young.

Live in London once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Hogsmeade once, but leave before it makes you soft. Live in Azkaban once, but – no. No, don’t live in Azkaban! Ever!

Accept certain inalienable truths: Dark Lords will rise. Politicians will put you away without a trial. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, Dark Lords were few and far between, everyone got a fair trial, and wizards were kind to their house-elves.

Be kind to your house-elves. I wish I had been. (Merlin, do I ever!)

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have an inheritance. Maybe you'll have wealthy friends. But having a career of your own will show those bastards who called you a disgrace to their name that you don’t need their tainted Galleons to get by! Er, sorry, got carried away there.

Don't mess too much with your hair. When it gets to be elbow-length dread-locks, cut it short.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is like a bone. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the trash bins, chewing on it, rolling around in the trash it came from, and then tossing it across the yard and waiting for you to chase after it and bring it back in your teeth.

But trust me on the veils.