Decisions

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All canon characters belong to JKR.

Thanks to June for all of her help and suggestions.

Chapter 15 – Decisions

Ginny lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. She had heard Lucius enter his room almost two hours earlier. Every so often she would look over at the door that connected their rooms.

She'd had plenty of time to think on what Hermione said to her in the gardens. It was true that Lucius had done many terrible things, but it was also true that he spent much of the last few years making up for his past actions. There were many witches' shelters across Europe that had been opened due to substantial contributions Lucius had given to establish a haven for the widows of wizards who had fought in the war. Many of these shelters had connecting orphanages. In the wizarding world, Lucius was seen as a philanthropic figure. He had even lobbied many of his friends in the Ministry when Arthur Weasley ran for the position of the Minister of Magic, which he won in a landslide election.

At her father's inauguration ceremony, Ginny saw Lucius in the crowd. She was alone then, as at the time Harry was seeing Cho. She briefly laughed now at the memory, realizing the irony of it all. Cho had married Draco a few years after that function, and now here Ginny was, in love with another Malfoy.

She had spent the better part of that evening trying to avoid several suitors who only wanted a connection with the new Minister, and she was about to leave the inauguration festivities when Lucius approached her. Even though he had proved to be a great help in defeating Voldemort, and he had worked with the Order for months, she was still wary of him. As an adult, she realized the Horcrux had needed to be found and destroyed, and she had reconciled herself to her role. But she'd not forgotten that it was he who slipped Tom Riddle's diary into her bucket at Flourish & Blotts – and Lucius had then been on the other side.

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"Miss Weasley, might I have a word?" asked Lucius politely. Ginny looked around, as though seeking out assistance, but she saw no one about who she could signal for help. She realized how silly she was being – as if Lucius would do anything nasty at her father's inauguration – and smiled tentatively at him.

"Certainly, Mr. Malfoy." Lucius smiled at her, and she blushed. As her childhood memories came back to her, she remembered how she used to dream about him as a young girl. He was so handsome to her then, and even more so now.

"I wanted to apologize to you for what I did in regards to Tom's diary when you began your schooling at Hogwarts. Please, believe me, I had no idea what would happen. I didn't realize you would have to die for Voldemort to regain his footing in our world."

She looked into his sparkling blue eyes. 'How blue they are,' she thought as she lost herself in their depths.

"I hope that you can some day forgive me for my misdeeds towards you," continued Lucius. He noticed she seemed flushed, and he thought perhaps she was nervous. "Miss Weasley, are you ill?"

"No, I'm not. Well, it is a bit stuffy in here. I forgive you. I know you were a different man back then." She smiled at him and allowed him to see her to the door.

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Ginny sat up on her bed. She had forgiven him so easily then at the inauguration. She knew he'd done unspeakable things, yet she realized then for the first time he had changed. He had made it a point to go to her in private and ask her forgiveness for the diary incident; he didn't do it in front of her father, the new Minister, and Lucius and Draco had already been exonerated. He was so sincere when he apologized. How could she not forgive him now? She was sure that in time he would have opened up to her and told her about his past.

She swung her legs over the bed and walked quietly to the door. She pressed her face against it and tried to listen for any sign that Lucius might be awake. She heard nothing. She turned the knob and opened the door. His room was dark, except for a candle burning on the night table next to the bed. Lucius lay sleeping on his side, facing the door. Ginny crept towards the bed, then carefully pulled back the comforter and slipped in bed next to Lucius.

He stirred slightly, as she touched his cheek lightly with her fingers. His eyes slowly opened, and he reached his hand out to touch her lips with his fingertips.

"What dream is this, that saves me from my troubled sleep?" he said as he traced her lips. "Ginny," he whispered.

Ginny took hold of his hand and kissed the tips of his fingers, then his palm.

"This is no dream, my love," she said.

Lucius smiled and wrapped his arm around her waist to pull her to him. He held her close, allowing himself the pleasure of taking in her scent. She smelled of the oriental spiced perfume she loved to wear. This was no dream; he knew she was real as he felt her soft skin against his own, and her heart beating against his chest.

He pulled back slightly from her and looked in her eyes. "I would have told you everything, Ginny. Why did you read it?"

"I'm sorry. I should have given you the chance to tell me. I just..." She sighed heavily. "I just didn't know how to ask you. I knew I should have just left the document alone, but it was there, and I thought, if I don't look I'll always wonder. And then I wondered, what if you never wanted to tell me? I don't want us to keep secrets from each other. Hermione tells me that sometimes Severus still has nightmares. I want to help you, the way she helps him to deal with those memories. I suppose I thought that if I knew what your secrets were, I could help."

"You help me just by accepting me. I don't know what I would have done if you never wanted to be near me again," admitted Lucius, as his hands now stroked her back.

"At first I didn't know if I could, but I've seen how much you really have changed. You started when you switched sides and helped the Order. You've helped so many people who lost loved ones in the war – widows, children, even some of the Muggles affected by curses. And then that day you came to me at my father's inauguration and apologized. That's when I really truly realized you were a different man. I forgave you then. There is nothing to forgive you for now. I'm the one who should ask forgiveness, for not believing in who you are now, to think that you could still do those things."

Lucius chuckled and lightly scratched her back, making her shiver.

"I would never hurt you; you know that, don't you?" he asked as he kissed her cheek.

"Yes, I know that. Well, unless perhaps I asked you to hurt me just a little bit." Feeling that it was time to move on, and leave the events of the day behind them, Ginny threw her leg over Lucius' hip.

"Just wait until I get you in my dungeons, my sweet kitten."

A few doors down, Harry had spent the rest of the evening in his room, thinking on what he had done. Part of his brain was telling him he'd gone too far, yet another part told him he hadn't gone far enough. It was thoughts like these that made Harry often wonder if there wasn't a small part of Voldemort still inside of him.

Deciding he would go down to the kitchen and make himself something to eat, he put on a robe and left his room. While he originally only meant for Ginny to see the transcript, he didn't realize that his thoughtlessness now threatened the happiness of his hosts.

As Severus and Hermione lay in bed, cuddled against each other, Severus found sleep hard to come by.

"Hermione, are you awake?" he whispered.

"Yes. I can't stop thinking about what the kids may have read before we found them," she answered, and then sat up.

Severus sat up next to her and rubbed her back as he noted her shivering.

"I know we agreed to tell the children about my past once they were a bit older, but I think what happened this evening warrants a reevaluation of our original agreement."

"You're right, Severus. They're bound to have questions. And school will be starting soon. You know how they like to talk to the students sometimes while they are walking to classes. What if they ask any of them they know about Death Eaters?"

"Perhaps we can attempt another picnic before the new year. Crookshanks is gone, and I will make sure to keep my pants on," he said as he wiggled his brow at her.

"Oh, stop," Hermione laughed and leaned back down, taking him with her. As he stared down at her, she pushed the hair from his face.

"We can give them a short and somewhat edited version of my past. Allow them to ask some questions and go from there. Maybe we can ask Lucius and Ginny to join us, if they've made up by then."

"I'm sure they are working things out as we speak." She kissed her husband, and they proceeded to work a few things out for themselves.

When Harry reached the kitchens, he found that all he was in the mood for was a glass of milk. He poured one for himself and started to walk back to his room, but was stopped by a faint light in the living room. He approached slowly and quietly, and saw that there was someone sitting in the large high back leather chair facing the fireplace. He heard a heavy sigh, and then a low tired voice spoke to him.

"Is there something you wish to tell me, Harry?" Albus did indeed sound tired. The old wizard was troubled. He loved Harry. It hurt him to no end that the young man was wasting his life. It hurt him even more to know that it was Harry who had arranged for Ginny to find Lucius' transcript. He knew the moment Harry denied it. Legilimency was not needed; he could see it in his eyes.

Harry walked further into the room and sat in the chair across from the old Headmaster.

"I didn't want to hurt Ginny. I just wanted her to know the truth."

Albus scoffed, "Yes, but it was not your truth to tell. Not only did you take a document from the Ministry without the expressed permission of the Minister of Magic, but you used the document in a malicious way, Harry. Why?"

Harry was about to speak when Albus raised his hand to stop him.

"And don't tell me it's because you are in love with her and she deserves better. Because right now, Harry, in my eyes you don't seem to make the cut."

"You wouldn't understand, Albus," said Harry, as Albus shook his head.

"Harry, you are thirty-two years old. It is time for you to grow up, and be a responsible wizard. You are not a nineteen-year-old anymore. I'm not saying you need to get married and start having children, but take some action and move on with your life. Ginny is no longer a part of your future, Harry; she has decided to move on and stop waiting for you. Accept it and allow her to be happy." Albus stood and looked down at his former pupil. "You had your chance, Harry, and you allowed it to pass you by." Albus turned and left Harry alone, and staring into the fire.

Harry bowed his head and wondered what had become of his life. Where had he gone wrong?

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Thank you for reading this, I hope you enjoyed this chapter.