George & Annie: An Unofficial Biography Chapter 67: Valentine

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Valentine

Chapter 67 of 80

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Annie and Angelina host the radio show for their incapacitated husbands just before Valentine's Day. Other than a few swears, the raciest bits are the songs themselves.

Humor Romance Alternate Universe post-DH/DH compliant Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes 422,283 Words 80 Chapters Complete

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Chapter 67: Valentine

February 7, 2008

Age 29

Transcript: River & Wrackspurt Episode #363

MRS. RIVER: Welcome once again to River and Wrackspurt.

MRS. WRACKSPURT: And no, your beloved hosts are not the victims of a Polyjuice Potion mishap....

MRS. RIVER: But instead have been laid low by a brutal case of the sniffles.

MRS. WRACKSPURT: Well, Andean Aluxob Flux is what the lovely and helpful folks over at St. Mungo's are calling it, actually. Oh, and by the way, we've been requested to pass on the following public service announcement. The folks over at Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes would like to announce a recall on all Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder purchased during the last five days, asking that you please perform a standard Vanishing Charm on all packages bearing the lot number eight-three-nine. Do contact your local Wheezes for a full replacement or refund. Do NOT under any circumstances continue its use.

MRS. RIVER: And our thanks go out once again to the long-time sponsors of this program, Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes. Now, allow me to introduce ourselves: we happen to be the oft-referenced, long-suffering spouses of your aforementioned hosts, filling in for the poor dears on this last Saturday before the dreaded Valentine's Day holiday. And yes, I said dreaded.

MRS. WRACKSPURT: I propose a boycott of the whole rotten thing, Mrs. River. All Valentine's Day does is set one up for failure and disappointment. When will everyone realize that no matter what, your lofty romantic hopes for the day will not be met? All such ridiculous expectations do is serve to pressure and frustrate the one you supposedly love, anyway.

MRS. RIVER (chuckling): Have you always felt this way, or is it only in later life you've become such a crusty, cynical old bat?

MRS. WRACKSPURT: Crusty since the day I was born, I'm afraid.

MRS. RIVER: Well, I must confess I've come to agree with your point of view. Now, don't get us wrong, all you idealistic young romantics out there. We might be grumpy old married cows, but we truly believe romance with a capital R is alive and well and certainly something to aspire to. But why set a date for it, we ask? Why should we expect that everyone all over Christendom must experience a profound moment of love on the same day?

MRS. WRACKSPURT: Very well put, Mrs. River. I applaud your argument. Where is it written that the wholesale slaughter of roses and consumption of tons of artery-clogging, albeit scrumptious, chocolates must be ritualistically performed in the middle of ruddy freezing February, when everyone is at their palest, sickest, and most depressed?

MRS. RIVER: Hear, hear!

MRS. WRACKSPURT: However, that being said, we have decided to put our two Knuts in on the whole matter, and today we feature songs that deal with the subjects of love and romance.

MRS. RIVER: But not the sappy rubbish you'll hear at Madam Puddifoot's, mind you.

MRS. WRACKSPURT: Perish the thought! Not that Madam Puddifoot's isn't a perfectly lovely place for a cuppa and a canoodle any day of the year.

MRS. RIVER (laughing): Truer words never spoken, Mrs. Wrackspurt! And to take it one step further, all the songs today will also feature female artists and, therefore, a feminine point of view on the subject.

MRS. WRACKSPURT: Not that our better halves particularly ignore the artistic efforts of women on the program, you understand.

MRS. RIVER: Far from it, and kudos to them.

MRS. WRACKSPURT: We're just doing it... well, because no one's here to tell us any different, frankly.

MRS. RIVER: And I hope it goes without saying that any complaints should be directed to us rather than your regular hosts, bless them, who had absolutely no input on today's program. Much to their chagrin, most likely.

MRS. WRACKSPURT: At the moment, they cannot summon the energy to do anything but listen passively, poor dears. Do feel better soon, boys.

MRS. RIVER: I echo those sentiments whole-heartedly, Mrs. Wrackspurt. So let's get on with it, then, shall we? We begin today with "Divine Hammer" by The Breeders.

MRS. WRACKSPURT: Here's a curious fact this American band is formed around twin sisters, Kim and Kelley Deal.

MRS. RIVER: That is an interesting coincidence!

MRS. WRACKSPURT: One of whom is also a member of another band previously featured on this show, the Pixies. You'll also hear a reference to dowsing "You're the rod, I'm water" but despite the water-witching references, these ladies are as Muggle as they come, I believe.

MRS. RIVER (giggling): What's the 'divine hammer' to which the Misses Deal refer?

MRS. WRACKSPURT (giggling): A Norse god named Thor was, in ancient times, believed to throw his hammer during lightening storms. I'm pretty sure that's what this song is about. That and a carpenter.

MRS. RIVER: How very literal of you. Nice save. You see, dear listeners, sometimes a girl's not looking for love, precisely....

[song plays]

"My word, I've never seen Lee laid so low," Angelina murmured.

"I know!" Annie lamented. "George has something horrid pouring out of practically every orifice, poor fellow."

Angelina expressively wrinkled her nose. "It'll be a miracle if Roxy doesn't get it. St. Mungo's gave us a potion to help boost her immune system, supposedly. I just hope I sent her off to Katie's in time."

Annie nodded. "Molly's got our little ones. You know, Muggles have these things called shots that help prevent diseases like this...."

"Shots? Like, you drink them?" Angelina asked, confused.

"Nah. Injected."

Angelina looked like she found the concept disturbing. The women were quiet for a few moments, then Angelina sighed. "You're so lucky to have family nearby. I mean... well, you know what I mean."

Annie nodded, smiling sympathetically. While she no longer had any blood relatives to her name, George's extended family had adopted her fully into the clan. Her situation was certainly preferable to Angelina's: she and Lee had both lost their parents in one or the other of the wars. "I know," she assured her friend.

"I miss my mum so much," Angelina said softly. "You must miss your Gran a lot, too."

"I do," Annie agreed. I miss her every single day.

"What's going to happen to this next generation?" Angelina lamented. "Almost no one has the sort of extended families like we all grew up with. And these days, both parents have got to work just to make ends meet present company excluded," she added with a teasing smile.

Annie smiled back. While she chose to work outside the home at the school, it wasn't because they needed the money. She also spent every day surrounded by her own children as well as everyone else's, so she reckoned she didn't really fit the typical definition of a working mother.

"They'll survive, same as we did. They're all wonderfully well-adjusted kids, Ange," she argued. "We're doing a good job."

The song finished, and Annie pressed the green button, just like George had taught her.

MRS. WRACKSPURT: Here's another American band, this one fronted by sweet-voiced little Hayley Williams. She's singing about the pursuit of her fellow, who unfortunately gets his head turned by a rival.

MRS. RIVER: Sadly, some girls can be catty things.

MRS. WRACKSPURT: The hurdles we sometimes have to surmount, I suppose.

MRS. RIVER: Sometimes one must get one's hands dirty in the chase, mustn't one?

MRS. WRACKSPURT: Remember that patience and determination pay off, girls. Stay true to yourself, though, throughout.

MRS. RIVER: An inspirational tune, indeed.

MRS. WRACKSPURT: Not to mention nicely strident guitar. Girls can rock.

MRS. RIVER: Agreed, agreed. Here's "Misery Business" by Paramore.

[song plays]

"Any particular reason you picked this one, Annie?" Angelina asked, feigning nonchalance.

Annie could tell her friend was fishing but wasn't sure what she might be in search of. "Nope," she replied honestly. "I just like it."

"It was very short-lived, as I recall," Angelina said cryptically after a hesitation of several moments. "Lasted a little longer than Fred and I, though," she added with a derisive snort. "She never meant a thing to him, really. That girl."

Annie was flummoxed. "What girl?"

"Don't you know? About Gillian St. Martin?" Angelina asked, sounding surprised.

"Oh, right.... Gillian." Annie made a strange sound a hybrid of a snort and a chuckle. "The kissing experiment."

Angelina breathed a sigh of relief. "So you do know!"

"Of course," Annie laughed.

Angelina smiled devilishly. "Did Fred rat him out?"

"That does sound like something Fred would do, but no," Annie explained. "George confessed all on his own, actually." Annie sighed then, recalling those difficult years spent apart. "Teenagers can be so stupid, so cruel. He felt really guilty about that for a while."

Angelina harrumphed. "Gillian was no peach, either. She was just using George to get back at McLaggen for dumping her right before the summer hols."

Annie looked at her friend in surprise. This was a part of the tale she hadn't heard before. "Does George know that?"

Angelina shrugged. "No idea. It was ages ago, though. What difference does it make?"

Annie hummed thoughtfully.

MRS. RIVER: And yet one more American band. Next we have Mazzy Star.

MRS. WRACKSPURT: Nearly a one-eighty degree turnabout from the previous song, this one features Hope Sandoval's ethereal voice partnered with a mellow melody. She's almost hypnotic, I think.

MRS. RIVER: This song is about falling for the wrong guy....

MRS. WRACKSPURT: You know the one your friends don't like.

MRS. RIVER: Here's a heads up there's usually a good reason, if they're your real friends. But who among us hasn't hankered after a bad boy? And when has a warning about him ever done anything but make him look even cuter?

MRS. WRACKSPURT: I suppose it's one of those lessons everyone's got to learn for themselves, like touching a hot pot with your bare hand. It hurts like hell, and you'll only do it once if you're at all clever. This is "Give You My Lovin'."

[song plays]

"What about you? Was George your first?" Angelina asked.

"Kiss?" Annie asked, confirming the only interpretation of the question she was willing to answer.

Angelina rolled her eyes impatiently and nodded.

"Not technically," Annie replied.

"That's an intriguing answer," Angelina said, her tone demanding further clarification.

Annie giggled. "Not nearly so. My lips indeed met with someone else's, but it was hardly a kiss. There was no... romantic feeling behind it."

"So who was it?" Angelina demanded, looking as if she had a strong suspicion as to the identity of the kisser in question.

"Nobody you know," Annie retorted pointedly, understanding exactly to whom she was referring. For some reason, Angelina wouldn't drop the idea that something sometime must've happened between Annie and Fred. "Just some Muggle bloke."

Annie's expression darkened as she pondered the deeply buried memory. That part of her past was not something she permitted herself to think about much, if at all. An echo of it flashed through her mind: sitting on a toilet in the girl's lavatory while snide, hurtful voices rang out from the other side of the door. What does he expect from a whore like that?

"What's wrong?" Angelina said with concern.

"Some unpleasant memories," Annie confessed to her friend.

"Want to talk about it?" Angelina asked.

"Not really," Annie said with a fixed smile. "The song's almost over, anyway...."

MRS. RIVER: Now we take a trip to the middle of the North Atlantic an Icelandic group, this.

MRS. WRACKSPURT: The vocalist her name is Bjork Gudmundsdottir has this lovely child-like voice: rough, raw, and emotional.

MRS. RIVER: I often find her lyrics simplistic yet deep. Perhaps because English is a second language for her?

MRS. WRACKSPURT: Possibly. She's a bit of a kook, this one: one of those eccentric artists.

MRS. RIVER: This the one with the odd fashion sense?

MRS. WRACKSPURT: The one who showed up at an awards gala dressed like she was wearing a dead swan, yes. (giggling)

MRS. RIVER: Talk about the sense God gave a goose.

MRS. WRACKSPURT: But you know what? That was ages ago, yet people still remember her for that. The stunt served its purpose.

MRS. RIVER: She's singing here about the infatuation period: how it feels when that lovely little arrow strikes, and you get unexpectedly knocked on your arse. Oh, and she mentions she's been hit with his charm is that another inadvertent magical reference by Muggles?

MRS. WRACKSPURT: Most likely, I expect. This is "Hit" by The Sugarcubes.

[song plays]

"I miss this, sometimes. That dizzy, crazy feeling," Angelina sighed. "Don't get me wrong... I'm not saying I'm unhappy with what I've got. It's great and comfortable and reliable. But... still... remember that sickening nausea? How your internal organs shifted position whenever you caught a glimpse of him?"

"We've been married for ten years now, and it still happens to me sometimes," Annie said, smiling to herself. "I still can't believe it, some days."

"Good grief!" Angelina growled. "Rub it in, why don't you? Everybody already knows you have the perfect marriage," she added sarcastically.

Annie stuck out her tongue and laughed. "The summer we were sixteen.... Oh, God, I was miserable! I had such a massive crush on him, I could barely breathe. When we went on our usual camping trip that year...."

"I'm still just utterly gobsmacked Molly let this happen right under her nose!" Angelina interrupted, shaking her head judgmentally. "And you keep insisting nothing ever happened! Bollocks!"

Annie laughed. "I won't say the boys were gentlemen, because we both know what rot that is. But when it came to... proprieties... they were always very considerate."

Angelina shook her head, not buying a word of it. "That autumn at school, Fred kept offering us each a galleon me and Katie and Alicia if we could touch our elbows together behind our backs! At every bloody team practice! I nearly yanked that Beater bat away from him and pulverized him with it."

Annie giggled. "I didn't say they were mature about it. Innuendo abounded at all times, of course. But... I don't know. They always made me feel safe. Respected. It's probably part of the reason why I was so miserable for so long, I suppose. George was so careful not to cross any lines I was never sure if he could feel the same about me."

"Aw! That's just... precious," Angelina retorted sarcastically, pretending to have an awful taste in her mouth.

"Well, clearly I can't compete with you," Annie snapped with mock irritation. "Nobody wrote a bloody song about me, for instance."

"Song? What are you talking about?" Angelina demanded, suddenly keen.

"Ask your husband dearest when he recovers enough to speak," Annie giggled.

MRS. WRACKSPURT: We draw closer to home now with an Irish band, and I cannot rave enough about these lovelies. Dolores O'Riordan has one of those beautiful, haunting voices that only Irish women seem to be able to summon. Her ballads are absolutely devastating, but she can really rock out, as well. I spent much of my youth with her songs in my ears, and they've stood the test of time, in my opinion.

MRS. RIVER: Ah, new love. Are we ever more vulnerable?

MRS. WRACKSPURT: That's precisely what this song speaks to, Mrs. River. Ms. O'Riordan prays that things will stay as wonderful as they are in that moment.

MRS. RIVER: Do prayers like that ever work, Mrs. Wrackspurt?

MRS. WRACKSPURT: That depends on one's definition of wonderful, I think. It never stays like it is in those first moments. But as long as one remains wide open, refrains from paralyzing one's evolution, and can learn to see the magical in what other people consider mundane, then yes, I think those prayers are realistic.

MRS. RIVER: How very profound. Words of wisdom, children. Do cherish them, won't you? Here is "Analyse" by The Cranberries for your enjoyment.

[song plays]

"For a long time, I was so confused about him," Angelina said softly. "He was really the first bloke who paid any attention to me as a girl, not a Chaser."

"Fred, you mean?" Annie asked.

Angelina nodded. "My first dance... my first kiss. And then it was over before it began, really. I couldn't understand it."

"Poor Ange!" Annie crooned sincerely.

Angelina snorted and shook her head ruefully. "I was so pissed at him, but I didn't really understand why. I mean, I knew we weren't in love or any such rubbish, for heaven's sake. Before the Yule Ball, I'd never thought of him as anything other than a teammate, to be honest." Angelina sighed with nostalgia. "Nothing more than wounded pride on my part, I suppose."

"I loved him to death, but Fred was, for the most part, a jerk when it came to women, Ange. Your pride wasn't the only casualty he left behind," Annie assured her friend.

Angelina nodded knowingly. "Lee's said something along those lines to me before," she sighed. "I saw it myself, in fact. That little prick moved on to Katie right after me, and she got the same treatment. Oh, well. Doesn't matter, does it? Ancient history."

"Ancient history makes us who we are," Annie corrected gently. "You were perfectly reasonable to be pissed back then. And reasonable to move on. And reasonable to miss him still."

MRS. RIVER: Now, here's a song about realizing things are not quite as they should be.

MRS. WRACKSPURT: We know the situation is heading for calamity, but do any of us ever jump clear of the ship before the collision with the iceberg? Hell, no.

MRS. RIVER: The Cardigans are a Swedish group, as I understand. The lead singer, Nina Persson, has another of those hypnotic voices: sweet and pop-y. And please explain what is meant by "erase and rewind."

MRS. WRACKSPURT: Muggles used to make sound recordings on spools of magnetic tape. The tape could be erased with another magnet, wound back onto another spool, and recorded over again. Now, of course, they use computers and lasers and plastic discs, but that's another discussion for another day.

MRS. RIVER: Here is "Erase/Rewind."

[song plays]

"Ginny gone into labor yet?" Angelina asked.

Annie shook her head. "Any day now." Then she sighed in exasperation. "She and Harry are fighting over names again."

"Oh, dear," Angelina commiserated.

"She swore last time he crossed the line with Al's middle name," Annie said.

Angelina's forehead wrinkled with the effort to remember. "Remind me?"

"Severus, for chrissake!" Annie cried.

Little Al Potter's middle name was still a very sore spot with most, if not all Weasleys. Despite Harry's insistence that Snape was actually a good guy, that he had done exactly as Dumbledore had instructed all along and played the part of double agent perfectly, that he had redeemed himself at the very end none of them could shake the feeling he'd been a traitorous, greasy git.

Angelina cringed. "Ugh."

"And now he wants to name this one it's a girl, if you haven't heard after Luna," Annie added.

Ginny had been fascinated by Annie's ultrasounds and finally convinced Harry to accompany her to a Muggle obstetrician for one. Harry obsessively eschewed the Muggle world otherwise, and Annie reckoned it was a predictable consequence of his abusive upbringing. The upshot of the whole thing being that the sex of the baby was already known with scientific Muggle confidence, rather than magical doodling with dangling wedding rings and such.

"You're joking!" Angelina gasped.

"Yes, you can imagine Ginny's reaction to that one," Annie growled with disgust. "She told him she was fine with naming her after his mother, Lily. But Luna!?"

"What was he thinking?" Angelina marveled.

"Not to mention he singlehandedly named both the boys," Annie pointed out. She shook her head as she pondered the situation. James Sirius was understandable. Honoring Dumbledore with Albus wasn't unexpected. But... Luna!? "Does Harry really not see how threatened Ginny's always felt by all his previous girlfriends?"

Angelina raised one eyebrow, wondering if new scuttlebutt was about to be revealed.

Annie smirked. "You know what I mean. Remember how Gin nearly went after that pretty Asian girl at one of the memorials? Just for saying hello to Harry, apparently?"

"Men are stupid," Angelina grumbled. "And Ginny's... well... a mite unbalanced when it comes to jealousy. Think Harry gets off on it a bit?"

Annie shrugged. "Who knows?"

MRS. WRACKSPURT: Alanis Morrissette is Canadian Quelle surprise! a nationality not often represented on this illustrious program. Her voice is so versatile, ranging from sweet and lullaby-like to furiously raw and angry.

MRS. RIVER: Ooh, and hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

MRS. WRACKSPURT: The world is knee-deep in "woe is me, I miss you so, please come back" songs written by the dumped. But here is one that takes a decidedly different outlook, to say the least.

MRS. RIVER: Open up your mokeskin purse, Mrs. Wrackspurt I predict a fine is forthcoming.

MRS. WRACKSPURT (giggling): Did you bring your crystal ball with you today, Mrs. River? This is called "You Oughta Know." The uncensored version. You've been warned, dear listeners.

[song plays]

"When is Hermione going to start helping out at the school?" Angelina asked.

Annie smiled wryly. "I wouldn't hold your breath," she replied.

Angelina huffed. "I thought the excuse she gave when Rose started last year was that a big yearlong project came up at the Ministry. Isn't it finished, yet?"

"If it is, I'm sure another equally important one has arisen," Annie replied. "Face it, Ange she's not going to sacrifice one day a week from saving the wizarding world from the menace of pure-blood prejudice. And good for her for sticking it to those bastards for all of us!"

"That's rubbish, Annie! The rest of us have adapted our schedules...."

"I know it's not exactly fair, but think about it," Annie urged. "Honestly, it might not be such a bad thing. Don't get me wrong she loves all the kids, and she's great with Rose and Hugo...."

Angelina laughed. "I don't know if I'd go that far," she interrupted. "You should hear some of the stories Ron's told Lee."

Annie giggled. She'd heard a few of those stories, herself. As loving a mother as Hermione was, dealing with an infant and a toddler who had no concept of logic or consideration for others was perhaps one of the biggest challenges she'd ever faced.

"Anyway, I'm just saying and I hate that I think this, but she'd likely be more trouble than she'd be a help, to be perfectly blunt."

"You're probably right," Angelina conceded. "Still, it isn't fair to the rest of us. Maybe Ron should start spending a day a week at the school."

"Argh!" Annie exclaimed, horrified by the thought.

"He's great with the kids!" Angelina protested, laughing.

"Because he is one himself!" Annie countered. "And as much as I adore Ron, I doubt he's quite so liberated as that. Can you honestly imagine him spending a whole day at the school on a regular basis?"

Angelina laughed in agreement. "Okay, okay. But if that's the state of things, then they should pay for the service, just like every other parent in Britain."

"They're family, Ange," Annie moaned. "I'm not going to ask them to pay me."

"Then Fleur, Ginny, Hannah, Andromeda, and I will do it for you," Angelina insisted. Her smile was mockingly sweet.

Annie huffed. "Fine. I'll talk to them."

"Soon," Angelina added.

MRS. RIVER: Back to America, and Ms. Sheryl Crow is not my typical fare, I confess. But her lyrics really speak to me here.

MRS. WRACKSPURT: Same for me. She has this amazingly feline, almost purring voice. The melody is stark, serving to really direct one's focus onto the words. And as you said, the lyrics are heartfelt, mature.

MRS. RIVER: None of us survive adolescence and young womanhood without some battle scars on our hearts. Once reality hits and you realize a mythically perfect Prince Charming who does and says everything right doesn't exist, it's time to reevaluate your outlook.

MRS. WRACKSPURT: This song is about moving on, growing up, and perhaps acknowledging you yourself are not perfect, either.

MRS. RIVER: Hey, we're all complicated and full of contradictions. Deal. This is "Strong Enough" by Sheryl Crow.

[song plays]

"I can't believe Joey's three already!" Angelina cried, shaking her head in disbelief.

"Trust me, I know!" Annie agreed. "She's about half the size of James but insists on doing everything he and the older kids do. We're lucky she hasn't broken her neck three times over!"

"She's a caution, that's for certain," Angelina agreed with a smile.

"The healers at St. Mungo's will know her by name soon, I predict," Annie lamented. "I've given up forbidding her to do things it only encourages her! Now I just tell her not to hurt herself.... Fat lot of good that does, either."

"Sounds like she takes after her father," Angelina teased. "Daredevil extraordinaire."

Annie smirked and nodded. "Bill's nicknamed her 'Molly's Revenge.'"

"Oh, that's perfect!" Angelina guffawed. After nearly a full minute, she finally gathered her laughter under control, dabbed her tears, and asked, "When are you rescheduling her birthday party?"

"The fifteenth, tentatively," Annie replied. "Hopefully this nasty Flux business will have run its course through by then."

MRS. RIVER: We're going way back with this one, Mrs. Wrackspurt. The Pretenders are a British band with an American front woman, Chrissie Hynde.

MRS. WRACKSPURT: Now, Ms. Hynde is one of the groundbreaking women of rock and roll, Mrs. River. I regrettably cannot express how genuinely inspirational and clever and amazing she is. Many of her songs spoke to me during the recent troubled times that are thankfully behind us now.

MRS. RIVER: Sometimes we are not free to be with those we love. This song is about lovers forced to be apart by outside influences. And please explain what a chain gang is for our listeners, Mrs. Wrackspurt.

MRS. WRACKSPURT: Convicted Muggle prisoners were once shackled to each other by chains around the ankles and forced to do manual labor. Oh, and P.S. Delores Umbridge can kiss my motherf (long bleep). Right. Okay. But if I ever get my hands on that bi (longer bleep).

MRS. RIVER: Apologies for that to all you listeners with tender ears.

MRS. WRACKSPURT: Suffice it to say you'd better run if you ever see me coming, you effing bloated pink cow!

MRS. RIVER: Got it out of your system, yet, love?

MRS. WRACKSPURT: I think so, yes. Thanks.

MRS. RIVER: Take a listen to "Back on the Chain Gang" from the Pretenders, an oldie but certainly a goodie.

[song plays]

"Sorry about that, Ange," Annie muttered. "Still a bit of a sore spot for me, I suppose. This song always reminds me of that year."

"You have every right to be furious," Angelina grumbled. "That woman is evil."

Annie suddenly realized they'd never spoken of the events of that fateful year. It had been so long ago, but she was still reminded of it every time her eyes alit on the faint scar on George's left hand. "You, too?" she asked softly.

Angelina nodded reluctantly. "Fred and George got it worse than pretty much everyone else. It got to the point where anything that happened got blamed on them whether they did it or not. Granted, they were usually involved they hated her so much. But even so, I don't think any of us who weren't members of the Inquisitorial Squad escaped that bloody pen."

"Inquisitorial Squad?" Annie asked. She hadn't heard that term before.

"Mostly a gang of Slytherins all either out for revenge or on a power trip," Angelina explained, scowling. "They had carte blanche and took advantage of it, running anyone they ever harbored a grudge against into detention, whether the charges were proven or not."

"Let me guess... the little Malfoy shit was one of them," Annie spat.

"Clever old you," Angelina replied. "Right in one."

"I don't care if she never got a Mark Umbridge was a bloody Death Eater in all but name!" Annie cried.

Angelina assented with a snort. "I hear she's on a campaign to get herself appointed to the Hogwarts Governing Board, now."

"Over my dead body!" Annie snarled. Fred and Art will never set another foot in that bloody castle if she succeeds!

"The woman is barking," Angelina argued. "After the utter shambles she made of the school during her High Inquisitor days, she doesn't have a prayer. Nor does she have the funds to buy her way on."

"Unless she finds a rich benefactor with a name even more sullied than hers," Annie countered angrily.

The two women looked at each other. "Like Malfoy," they said simultaneously.

MRS. RIVER: And now we hurtle seventeen years into the future to this lovely tune.

MRS. WRACKSPURT: Lovely, yes. "Ladyfingers" is heavily electronic, with a thick, full sound that you ought to crank until you feel it in your spine, my dears.

MRS. RIVER: The ladies of Luscious Jackson sing in beautifully layered harmonies, so don't entirely neglect the treble as you skew to the bass.

MRS. WRACKSPURT: Don't let the title fool you, either: this song is not about dessert.

MRS. RIVER: Just a reminder to all the unattached blokes listening out there: don't overlook the shy, or prickly, or sensitive girls standing there on the edge of the crowd. Take it from me, they're worth your time and effort.

MRS. WRACKSPURT: This song is dedicated to our poor, dear husbands home in bed, who followed exactly this advice. I hope they feel the better for it. See you there soon, darling.

MRS. RIVER: With any luck, your beloved hosts will be back in the broadcast booth next week, just in time for Valentine's Day. Hope yours is everything you wish for, because if you've listened to a word we've said, you've accordingly adjusted your expectations to a more reasonable level. Best wishes, thanks for listening, and toodle-oo!

[song plays]

Author's Note: Here are the links to the songs in case anyone's interested.

Divine Hammer by The Breeders.

Misery Business by Paramore.

Give You My Lovin' by Mazzy Star.

Hit by The Sugarcubes.

Analyse by The Cranberries.

Erase/Rewind by The Cardigans.

You Oughta Know by Alanis Morissette. The naughty word is blanked out in this one. ;)

Strong Enough by Sheryl Crow.

Back On The Chain Gang by The Pretenders.

Ladyfingers by Luscious Jackson.

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Latest 25 Reviews for George & Annie: An Unofficial Biography

266 Reviews | 2.97/10 Average

10/10

MsTree

I was searching for something to read Christmas Eve and this story was presented to me when I asked for a random story. All I can say is "Huzzah"!

This is a wonderful and well-written story about a character that always seemed to be a throw-away in the books. George and Fred, it seemed to me, were presented as one-dimensional characters with almost no redeeming qualities. You have taken JKR's canon and made them real.

Thank you for the enjoyable story. This one is definitely going into my keeper file. ^_^

10/10

jadecadence

... i've read what you said about tinkering here and there and to my mind, although it's your story, but since you've enraptured and captured us into your fantasy world, and this is a fanfic, unlike those dragonlance stories where once printed, never changed or improved, i hope you can weave our constructive comments in little by little, because then, it's still a living thing, not dead you see?

firstly, i'm only offering my opinion because u've done such a good job in weaving the closure together such that so many things have come a full circle. naturally i've been gobsmacked by your brilliance so many times in the story, i'm not telling you that i'm superior or whatever. i'm just saying that there are some more circles you can bring in and inter weave into the last two chapters if you like. maybe not just the last chapter otherwise it'll be lopsided...

some suggestions: fred's son was one of the more glaring omissions that i even with my foggy brain could spot. i think he should have some part of the inheritance and maybe a paragraph or so where we know whether he's a squib or not, and maybe a partial happy ever after for him here in this fanfic (even with a spin-off)

the dog could be in heaven with fred or meredith too

i felt the aunties' interactions with the great grand daughter was not really doing much. who were the 4 who had annie's violet eyes?

so only these 3 suggested improvements...i couldn't write a fanfic to save my life. but i can be a backseat driver!

this story kept me company through a bout of flu and cough. so i thank you once again!

Response from jadecadence (Reviewer)

eeks! what happened to the paragraphing? i left proper paragraphs, not this big ugly chunk!

Response from shosier (Author of George & Annie: An Unofficial Biography)

Thanks for all the lovely & sweet reviews... what a fuzzy holiday gift for me! And thanks for the spin-off suggestions, too. I did have several in mind (including one for Ben, a kind of diary or journal of his discoveries from his point of view) and even managed to write one... "Here Be Dragons" is archived here on TPP and is Charlie and Sasha's love story. I don't write much fanfic anymore as I'm busy working on original fiction. Please visit my website at www.shanynhosier.com for more info

10/10

jadecadence

i've to say, original character fanfics aren't my first choice, and i only started reading this because i've exhausted hgss and dmgw etc. fanfic lore,... and this was completed. but this chapter made me tear twice afresh. which is a feat and makes me realise authors writing about my fav pairings don't seem to be able to plumb my emotional depths as well. this is a nice vision of heaven, one that i'm not so sure i agree with,... but it makes for good thinking. thanks for being a writer of stamina and complexity, with enough moments of freshness.

10/10

jadecadence

guess nobody japanese reads this site as yet... as they aren't particularly good at English. but don't worry! once they do, they'll certainly leave a review or contact you to give feedback. only, will you still be around to edit the jap translation or reading the responses? :,)

10/10

jadecadence

"Did I miss the memo declaring my house a bloody
common room?"

hahaha! and your last two plot twists are marvellous! at least as a fanfic writer you can get away with anything but they are simply brilliant and creatively darn awesomeness! :))

10/10

jadecadence

so sweet. i'm sure this would have helped angharad in her insecurity or jealousy about not being a witch and having magical powers, if she hadn't already found peace within herself.

10/10

jadecadence

"We found each other just in time to help each other
through our darkest hours" - awwww! maybe that's what i lacked... i didn't open my mouth, just thought it tacitly with my ex-fiance. sometimes, i am not enough encouraging. they are quite a model of positive relationships though!

10/10

jadecadence

loved the fact that bill and ron were totally inept goal keepers when it's a child scoring!

10/10

jadecadence

what a wonderful plot bunny! i wish sasha and charlie were bi though. polyamory yummy with jane. what happened to her?

10/10

jadecadence

well done! nice bit of action there! :)

10/10

jadecadence

i've no idea what quote by jkr u used, it went by so swimmingly. i was so engrossed with the flow! thanks once again for your time and commitment in writing!

10/10

jadecadence

awesome... not sure if i'd before left a review or read this all without reviewing thus far only because i was transfixed by your brilliant interlocking of fanfic and jkr's original story. i think yours take much more planning to integrate annie's life but thanks so much for writing this. you have a wonderful gift that you are exercising!

10/10

jadecadence

you're an awesomely fresh writer. it's definitely a talent you have!

10/10

jadecadence

hahaha, didn't know this story would be such a fount of useful information!

10/10

jadecadence

thanks for the thought u've put into this chapter.

10/10

jadecadence

i'm so happy to be having such a story to sink my teeth into! it's awesome and worthwhile reading it.