XVII: Visiting Old Friends and Foes

Thanks go to JKR, for creating Severus Snape, to my beta Apple Blossom and all you wonderful readers.

Chapter XVII: Visiting Old Friends and Foes

Dear Daddy,

Eydis

Severus smiled and put the postcard back between page three hundred and ninety-four and three hundred and ninety-five. He had used the card as bookmark ever since it had arrived three days ago and re-read it every time he opened his book.

'You miss the little one, don't you, Severus?'

He looked up at Rosmerta who was refilling his cup. She was smiling at him.

'It's hard not to notice how your face lights up every time you pick up that card. When will Eydis be coming home?'

'In two weeks,' Severus replied, adding some milk to his coffee. His stomach couldn't handle black coffee anymore.

'And what will you be doing until then?' Rosmerta inquired. 'Don't tell me that you have nothing better to do than come here every day.'

Severus raised an eyebrow. 'I was not aware of the fact that you dislike customers, Rosmerta.'

The witch laughed and sat down opposite him.

'Dear Severus,' she stared. 'I love to have you here. You know I do. I was just hoping you'd find something more enjoyable to do with your child-free three weeks.'

Severus frowned. Something more enjoyable?

'Don't get me wrong, Severus,' Rosmerta continued. 'You are a wonderful father. And I know that you love Eydis more than anything in the world. But have you had one day on your own since ... since Cassandra passed away?'

Severus felt something clench in the pit of his stomach. Nine years had passed since Cassandra had died, and still he flinched every time somebody mentioned her demise. And no, he had not spent a single day on his own since that day. He was either teaching or spending his time with his daughter. Being busy felt good, and he had not felt that he needed any time on his own either.

'I'm sorry, Severus,' Rosmerta said and patted his hand. 'I did not mean to open old wounds.'

Severus shrugged. And to his own surprise, he did not withdraw his hand. 'Then what do you propose I should be doing, Rosmerta? And do not suggest me taking up gardening. Pomona has tried that already.'

Rosmerta laughed. 'Now that would be a sight. Severus Snape on his knees in the garden, his hands dirty and his nose burnt by the sun. Heavens forbid you get a tan. But seriously, Severus, maybe you should get away for a couple of days. I know how much you love your cottage, but I think a change of scenery would do you good. And don't tell me you can't go because of Eldur. I'd love to take care of the little cat while you're away.'

~ ~ ~

Why Andromeda Tonks had been the first person he had thought of to visit, Severus did not know. Maybe it was because she had been the only one of Cassandra's relatives who had been genuinely pleased when her cousin had returned to the Wizarding world. Maybe it was because of something as trivial as the fact that she baked delicious biscuits. Or maybe it was because she, just like him, had been left with nothing more than a child to love and hold on to. But whatever the reason, Severus had to admit that he had not felt so at ease and relaxed as that afternoon in Andromeda's kitchen for a long time. She had indeed baked a batch of her famous cinnamon biscuits and had put out a bottle of home-made elderflower lemonade. And they sat and talked, about everything from the weather to the new Minister of Magic.

'I have to say that I admire you, Severus,' Andromeda said after a while.

Severus gave her a questioning look, and she blushed.

'When Harry took Teddy on a holiday for the first time, I swear I did not breathe for six days. I was terrified that something would happen to the boy. Goodness, I even made him take along a Portkey so he could get straight home in case something happened. And they only went to Ireland. And you have Eydis running through sand dunes in Spain with the Potter boys, and here you are, cool as a cucumber, having biscuits and lemonade.'

Severus was just about to tell her that he was indeed more concerned about his daughter's welfare than was prudent, but was interrupted by the whooshing sound that announced somebody arriving by Floo. He turned his head toward the grate and out of it stepped – atypically ungracefully – Narcissa Malfoy.

'It's over, Andromeda,' the blond woman blurted out in a voice that suggested that she had been crying. 'I filed for divorce this morning.'

She was on her way to fall into her sister's embrace when she noticed Severus and froze. 'What are you doing here?' There was no hatred in her voice, no disdain, just endless surprise.

'Severus came for some biscuits and some sympathy, just like you,' Andromeda explained and made Narcissa sit down opposite Severus. 'And now, I think we all need something stronger.'

She Accioed a bottle of Odgen's and three glasses, filled them up and thrust one into Narcissa's hand and one into Severus'.

'To Lucius Malfoy,' she proposed with an almost cheerful tone. 'May he rot in hell. Cheers.'

Andromeda downed her whisky with a speed that amazed Severus beyond reason. Then she turned to her sister to pat her on the shoulder. 'I am very pleased that you have finally come to your senses, kitten. I told you the day you got engaged that Lucius Malfoy was no good for you.'

'And I did not listen to you. I know, Andromeda. I know,' Narcissa replied, burying her face in her hands. 'Spare me the lecture. I have been giving it to myself plenty of times over the last weeks.'

Severus cleared his throat and got up. It didn't feel right witnessing Narcissa's breakdown. But Andromeda's voice made him sit back down.

'Oh, you are going nowhere, Severus Snape. We are about to seriously drag Lucius Malfoy through the mud, and I think you might just be in possession of some juicy details that will make it even more fun.'

A bottle of Odgen's later, Andromeda had vented her spleen upon Lucius, and Narcissa seemed much calmer. But she had had at least one glass too many, and when she tried to stand, she ungracefully fell back onto her chair and collapsed in giggles.

Andromeda giggled, too, and did her best to focus her eyes on Severus. 'Dear Severus, seeing as you are the only one here that can actually hold his liquor, may I appeal to your chivalrous side and ask you to escort my baby sister back to her manor? I'm afraid she might bump her head on the grate if she tries to Floo on her own.'

Severus frowned. Visiting Malfoy manor was very close to the bottom of his priority list. He hated that place, had done so for many, many years. And his last visit had left a very bitter taste in his mouth.

'Don't worry, Severus,' Narcissa started, misinterpreting the reason for his hesitation. 'Lucius won't be home. I know for a fact that he is in Monaco with an anorexic eighteen-year old barmaid. You don't have to fear a jealous husband.'

She got up but swayed so much that Severus feared that she might indeed bump her head on the grate. And he took pity on her.

'I would be a fine friend if I let you go home on your own in this state,' he growled as he grabbed her arm. 'And I trust Lucius has some Sober-up Potion in his bathroom cabinet, has he not?'

Then he turned to Andromeda. 'Will you be alright?'

But he did not get any answer. Andromeda had slumped over the table and was fast asleep.

~ ~ ~

'Circe, this is embarrassing!' Narcissa groaned. She was leaning against the desk in Lucius' study, clutching her third cup of espresso and looking positively mortified.

To Severus' disappointment, the elves had not managed to find any Sober-up Potion anywhere in the manor, and he had therefore instructed them to start brewing coffee. Strong coffee.

'What exactly do you find the most embarrassing, Narcissa?' he sneered. 'You getting drunk, you throwing up on the rug in front of the fireplace or the fact that it took you so many years to figure out that your husband is unworthy of you?'

Narcissa gave a short laugh but immediately clutched her aching head. 'Yes, go ahead, Severus. Rub it in. Tell me how pathetic I am.'

'I do not think this is necessary.' His voice was all of a sudden much softer, and as he took the cup from Narcissa's shaking hands, he felt truly sorry for the witch.

'Everything will be alright soon, Narcissa,' he tried to console her. 'Tomorrow morning all that will remind you of your excursion into your sister's liquor cabinet will be a slight headache. And I am certain that your elves will be able to restore the Persian rug as well. As for Lucius, you are better off without him.'

He was just about to call for Silvy, Narcissa's favourite elf, when Narcissa's tear-filled voice made him close his mouth again.

'I loved him once, you know,' Narcissa sobbed. 'There was a time when I truly loved Lucius. Not when we were in school or when he started courting me. Back then I was simply taken by his charms and his good looks. I did not even love him when we got married and had Draco. I was just content to be the wife of glorious Lucius Malfoy. He bought me silken dresses and gilded shoes, and I was happy with that.

'But during the last year of the Dark Lord's reign, when that foul creature practically lived here at the manor and threatened to take everything from us, that was when I loved Lucius. I loved him with all my heart, Severus. Because he was all I had.'

Severus was slightly taken aback by her confession. He had always seen Narcissa Malfoy as a trophy wife, a pretty jewel Lucius chose to show off when he deemed it prudent. And he had always thought that Narcissa had been pleased with that. It had, after all, been the life she had been groomed for since her early childhood. He had never, not once, considered the possibility that Narcissa had actually loved Lucius.

'What made you change your mind?' he asked, truly curious, genuinely concerned.

Narcissa took a deep breath to steady her voice. 'After the Dark Lord had fallen, I believed that we could finally be a family, Lucius, Draco and me. Status didn't matter anymore, and we didn't need to show off to anyone. And for a while, Lucius seemed content with that as well. Oh, he was a darling, Severus. He came home with hand-picked flowers, not bouquets of over-prized roses. He cooked dinner in his own kitchen instead of taking me to a fancy restaurant at the French Riviera. And he made love to me, Severus. For the very first time he did not just take me because he could but made sweet love to me, simply because he wanted me. Me, Narcissa, his wife.

'But then Scorpius was born, a worthy heir to the House of Malfoy, an heir untainted by the Light. And Lucius decided to take the boy under his wings and make sure that he would not make Draco's mistake and develop a conscience.' She laughed contemptuously. 'He has done a fine job with Scorpius, hasn't he Severus?'

Severus didn't deem it necessary to answer. Narcissa was right of course. Despite his young age, Scorpius already showed all the traits his grand-father was so famous for. He was just as arrogant, just as self-righteous and spiteful.

'Lucius has disowned Draco, did you know that, Severus?' Narcissa went on. 'He said that Draco was not worthy of the Malfoy fortune due to him having chosen a different path than the one his father had staked out for him. That is why I am divorcing him. I want to destroy Lucius Malfoy. I want to take away everything he holds dear, his money, his houses, his trinkets. I want to hit him where it hurts, and I will make sure he will be hurting just as much as I have.'

Then she started sobbing again, and Severus could not help but wonder if – despite her harsh tone – Narcissa still loved Lucius, deep down in her heart. But he had to admire her for her courage, for her strength to stand up for her son, for her bravery to face up to Lucius squarely.

He stood beside her and awkwardly patted her shoulder, wishing he had something encouraging to say. But he did not, and so he kept quiet, let his hand rest on her shoulder, hoping that the little gesture would give her some comfort.

Who had moved first, Severus did not know, but suddenly Narcissa's lips were pressed against his, her hands were entwined in his hair and his in hers. Her lips were soft and tasted of coffee and the salt of her tears. But what Severus would remember the most would be how warm they felt. So incredibly warm.

'This is not what you want right now, Narcissa,' he managed to get out between kisses as Narcissa started unbuttoning his shirt with nimble fingers.

'It might not be what I want, Severus. But it is what I need.'

She latched onto his throat, and Severus moaned involuntarily as the palms of her hands rubbed against his chest. But he tried to resist, tried to pull away.

Narcissa held on to him. 'There was a time when you desired me, Severus. Do you remember?' she whispered into his ear. 'Don't you desire me anymore?'

He grabbed her by her shoulders and held her at an arm's length to look into her eyes. 'Yes, Narcissa. I desire you. And if you want me to I will take you, make you moan and scream my name. But I will not make love to you, Narcissa.'

He saw something flash in her eyes. It could have been jealousy or a hint of madness. But he did not ask, and he would never know. It did not matter anyway.

'It is not love I want from you, Severus,' Narcissa replied, her voice hoarse and raspy. 'I want you to make me feel desirable. I want you to make me feel like a woman again. Can you do that, Severus? Can you and will you do that for me?'

Severus simply nodded.

'Then take me.'

He did not even bother unbuttoning her blouse, but tore it from her with a force he had forgotten that he possessed. Her breasts were as warm as her lips, and Severus assaulted them with his hands, his mouth. He massaged, teased and suckled, relishing the beautiful sounds that escaped from her lips.

Then Narcissa pulled him up, and he crushed her lips with his, drank from them while his hands pulled up her skirts and made their way up her milky thighs.

'Rip them,' Narcissa moaned into his ear as he started fumbling with her knickers. And he did as he was told, ripped apart the delicate fabric and found her hot and wanting.

He took her right there on Lucius' desk, buried himself up to the hilt in her warm flesh. It felt so wrong and at the same time so incredibly good.

He grabbed her butt and pulled her close towards him. It had been so long since he had been with a woman, and Narcissa felt so good around him, so warm, that he knew that he would not last long if he wasn't careful.

He closed his eyes and buried his face at her shoulder, concentrated on his breathing and then pulled himself out, slowly, slowly, oh, so agonisingly slowly, and Narcissa's muscles contracted around him at the same pace as he pulled out. As he drove into her again, he groaned at her tightness and had to bite his lip to keep himself from spilling himself inside her.

'Lucius is a damn fool,' he breathed. 'Why would he choose an eighteen-year old girl if he can have you?'

Narcissa didn't answer but let herself fall back onto the desk, wrapping her legs around Severus' waist, pulled him towards her, bucking her hips against him at the same time. And he started thrusting into her in a rhythm that made them both moan and claw the surface of the desk.

He kept his promise that night and indeed made Narcissa scream his name as she came undone under him. And as he spurted his seed into her womb, he screamed her name as well.

And it felt so right. So damn right.

~ ~ ~

'Take care of yourself, Severus Snape,' Narcissa said in a soft tone as she walked him to the door.

Severus nodded and resisted the sudden impulse to brush her cheek with his fingers. He did not feel that he had the right to touch her anymore. He gave her a half-hearted smile and hoped that she did not see that it did not reach his eyes.

'You too, Narcissa,' he whispered and then disappeared into the darkness.

He Apparated straight to his little cottage in Hogsmeade. It was late, long past midnight. There was not a single sound to be heard from the village, and all the lights were out. Even the moon was hiding behind the clouds. But it was still warm, and so Severus directed his steps to the garden, to the old apple tree.

There was a blanket lying on the swing. He must have forgotten to take it in the night before. He picked it up and put it in his lap as he sat down and buried his hands into it. It was an old blanket, worn and mended in several places, but Severus did not have the heart to throw it away. How many times had Cassandra snuggled up against him under that blanket? How many times had they kissed under it and even made love, right there on the swing in the old apple tree?

Oh, Cassandra. Suddenly, Severus missed his wife more than ever. He wanted her to be there with him, wanted her to wrap her arms around him, wanted her to ... He wanted her to forgive him. He had let her down that night, had betrayed her memory by sleeping with another woman.

Scowling, he threw the blanket to the ground and stalked towards the house. Suddenly he felt dirty, unworthy of sitting on the swing where he had sworn Cassandra that he would love her forever.

Merlin, what had he done?

The first thing he saw when he entered the kitchen through the backdoor was Cassandra smiling at him from the photograph that stood on the window sill. He had put it there every summer since Eydis had taken it with her all those years ago. He had always found comfort in that photo. But that night he wished that Cassandra were not smiling at him.

'I am so sorry, Cassandra.'

He crossed the kitchen with three swift strides, banged his bedroom door shut behind him and sank onto the bed. He just wanted to close his eyes and forget about the whole evening.

A soft meow made him jerk his head up. How the hell had Eldur gotten inside his bedroom? What was the cat doing in the cottage anyway? It was supposed to be at Rosmerta's. With a groan, Severus got up from the bed to throw the cat out, but he could not find it anywhere in his room. Then he realised that the meowing was coming from the kitchen.

There it was, the little red fur-ball, in the kitchen, meowing desperately and scratching on the door of Eydis' bedroom.

'Your mistress is not at home, you silly cat,' Severus growled. 'So stop the racket.'

But Eldur continued scratching at the door.

'Will you stop if I let you inside?'

The little cat shot past him like an arrow as he opened the door and jumped up on Eydis bed.

But if Severus had thought that he could now go back to his own bed and sped a quiet night, he had been sadly mistaken. Eldur continued meowing and was now clawing at Eydis' pillow.

'What on earth is the matter with you?' Severus snarled and pulled the pillow away from the cat's claws.

The leather-bound album landed on the floor with a thud, and Severus swallowed dryly. He had been certain that Eydis had taken it with her.

He hesitated. Picking up the album felt like he was doing something that was forbidden, like he was intruding on something private. Cassandra had given this album to Eydis, not him. It was a gift from a loving mother to her daughter, not from a wife to her husband. But still, Severus could not resist.

Suddenly, he wondered if Eydis was the only one who could find the answer to her questions in that album. Was she the only one who could draw comfort from Cassandra? Or would he be allowed to as well?

He sat down on Eydis' bed and started leafing through the album. He knew exactly which question he wanted to ask. But did he dare?

What if he did not get an answer? What if the answer was no?

He stopped at a page that held the picture of a tall, blond man in jeans and a Black Sabbath T-Shirt. Under it, there were three sentences in Cassandra's slender handwriting.

I mourned Thorbjörn for almost ten years. And I was sure that I would never love another man. But then I met you, and I learnt that it was alright to let go.

You? Severus gasped. Cassandra was not talking to her daughter on this page. She was talking to him.

How could she have known? How could she, all those years ago, have anticipated that one day, he would be looking for answers? But then again, had she really known? Or was her ghost still lingering – just like the crone had said – and filling the pages, providing wisdom and comfort?

'Are you still here, Cassandra?' Severus whispered.

There was no answer, and the only thing that disrupted the silence was Eldur's soft purring.

Severus sighed and rubbed his tired eyes. What had he expected? Cassandra was not going to materialise in front of him after all those years. Maybe it was time for him to accept that she was gone. Maybe it was time for him to let her go. But he did not want to.

Then, all of a sudden, the air seemed to be filled with the scent of honey, and Severus felt something brush against his cheek. His fingers cramped around the edge or the album, and the muscles in his neck tightened.

He felt confused, almost terrified, but he had to take a chance.

'Can you forgive me?' he asked into the semi-darkness.

He thought he heard a whisper, but when he strained his ears to listen, the sound drifted away. And he felt disappointed, let down.

Then the whisper returned, and a forth sentence appeared on the bottom of the page:

You do not need to be forgiven, my love.

And that was when Severus knew that the crone had been right. Cassandra, his beloved Cassandra, would never leave his side.