X: The End of December

Thanks go to JKR, for creating the HP universe, and to my lovely beta Apple Blossom.

A/N: Those of you who have read The Way Home – The Yule Edition will recognise certain passages in this chapter. I am too fond of that piece to completely ignore it.

Chapter X: The End of December

Half an hour later, Severus stomped into the staff room, wearing his thick travelling cloak and carrying Eydis' woolly cloak, gloves and hat.

The little one was sitting on Poppy's lap in front of the crackling fire, drinking hot cacao and explaining to the medi-witch how the story of Babbitty Rabbitty was supposed to be read. When she caught sight of her father, her little face shone up and she was by his side in a blink of an eye.

'Daddy, why are you wearing your cloak?' she asked. 'Are you going out? Can I come?'

'Yes, Eydis. You and me, we are going out,' Severus replied, already crouching down get Eydis' clothes on. 'Daddy is going to take you for a broom ride across the lake.'

The little one started jumping up and down from excitement, but Poppy and Minerva looked at Severus as if he had lost his mind.

'Do you think this is a wise thing to do, Severus?' Minerva asked in a low, concerned tone. 'On a day like ... today?'

Severus got up and scowled. He did not want Minerva to elaborate her thought. Not with Eydis in the room.

'Poppy, would you mind taking Eydis outside to check if she needs a second pair of socks?' he asked in a calm but imperative tone.

To his relief, the medi-witch understood his hint immediately and ushered the little one out of the room.

When the door had closed, Severus turned towards Minerva.

'Are you actually suggesting that hiding under a blanket, wallowing in sorrow, would do either of us any good today, Minerva? Perhaps you would like me to empty my stock of Firewhisky as well?'

'Well, this is what you usually do, isn't it, Severus? Hide in your dungeon, shutting out anybody who cares for you and wants to offer a helping hand.'

Witch and wizard just stared at each other for some moments, and Severus felt a muscle twitch in his jaw.

Minerva knew him very well by now. She had seen him in his worst moments: she had seen him being bullied as a child, had seen the dark bruises on his face every time he had returned from school holidays. She had seen him when he had been on his knees after Lily's death. She had seen him close the door of the dungeon behind him, making sure no one would come too close. But she had also trusted him when no one except Dumbledore had. And she had given him a new life. She was indeed the best friend he had on this cold Christmas morning.

'Not this time, Minerva,' he sighed. 'This is not just about me this time.'

He sank onto a chair, running his hand through his dark hair. And for the first time that day, Severus Snape opened up his armour and bared his soul.

'My world had become a dark place last night, Minerva,' he said in a voice that was uncharacteristically soft for the stern Potions master. 'And at some point this morning I seriously considered putting an end to all of this. I have had enough, Minerva. I am tired of the darkness. But I realised that there is still a light burning for me.'

'Eydis,' Minerva whispered, putting her hand on her friend's shoulder.

And Severus nodded. 'I think there is a reason that we were blessed with this child. And I think there is a reason that she is the spitting image of her mother. And I am not going to let this child remember Christmas as the day she learnt that her mother died. I want to see her happy, and I want to see her laugh. Just like her mother always had.'

Minerva withdrew her hand and turned away. And Severus knew that she was hiding her tears from him. She did not want him to see.

So he stood and left the room. He, too, knew his friend well enough by now to know when she needed to be left alone.

~ ~ ~

'Faster, Daddy. Faster.'

Eydis' squeals of delight echoed over the frozen lake, and Severus tightened his grip around her and steered his broom into a dive to pick up more speed. He hadn't flown that reckless in years, but Eydis' laughter told him that he was doing the right thing, that he had made the right choice.

Yes, part of him longed for the seclusion of the dungeons, for the illusion of peace alcohol could have created in his mind. He even saw the sharp edge of his shaving knife in front of his inner eye and once more considered the idea of just letting go, of slipping away. He did not even need the knife. Crashing his broom at such a high speed would surely be fatal.

But every time he heard Eydis squeal and felt her body shake with yet another fit of laughter, Severus realised that he had put down the knife for a good reason and that he was not going to crash his broom. Not now, not ever. Not as long as Eydis needed him.

He had given his daughter a promise the night she was born. He had promised her that he would always be there for her, that he would protect her and love her. And he was not going to break his promise now when she needed him the most, when he needed her.

Hogsmeade Village was bustling with life. As every other year, Christmas had come as a surprise to so many witches and wizards, and they were now all hunting for their last Christmas gifts, all stressed, all huddled up in their warm winter coats.

And Severus felt a strange kind of calmness settle in his mind and heart as he walked down the main street with his daughter at his hand. Maybe he could do this after all? Having lost Cassandra would always hurt, he knew that. But maybe he could fulfil his promise and make his daughter happy. And himself. For her sake.

~ ~ ~

They returned to Hogwarts by mid-afternoon. The remaining students were all outside, playing in the snow. It was amazing to see how all of them had turned into little children again, throwing snowballs at each other and building snowmen. Some of the older students had managed to bewitch some snowmen to walk around and sing Christmas carols. And Severus did not even try to stop Eydis from running after the white giants.

She had been fascinated at the ones outside the Three Broomsticks where they had stopped for hot cacao. Every time the carolling snowmen had walked past the window, Eydis had tucked at her father's sleeve to make him watch. Oh, she had been so happy. And when Rosmerta had approached their table to inquire about Cassandra's health, Severus had neither had the heart nor the strength to tell her the truth. He did not want to burst the bubble but share his daughter's happiness. Just for an hour or two. Just for today.

He lingered in the alcove as two Ravenclaws packed Eydis onto a wooden sleigh and started pulling her around the yard. They loved the little one, just as most of the other students of Hogwarts. Many of them had little siblings at home whom they missed very much, especially over the holidays, and having a sweet little substitute sister like Eydis was a delight for all of them. And Severus was glad to see the joy in his daughter's eyes.

Eydis was all but exhausted when the elves called everyone to dinner. But her cheeks were rosy, and there was a smile on her lips. She had certainly enjoyed herself that Christmas day.

She fell asleep in Severus' lap at the dinner table in the Great Hall, and he carried her down to the dungeon and to her bed. Her arms were tightly wrapped around his neck, and for a while, Severus was not sure if he really wanted to let go off her. And when he finally did, he felt strangely cold.

He was just about to close the door to the nursery behind him when he heard Eydis call for him.

'Daddy, will you tell Mummy that I had fun today?'

With great effort, Severus swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat, felt the cold fingers of sorrow tighten their grip around his heart. Oh, he wished he could tell Cassandra. He wished she would be waiting for him in their bedroom, her arms open and a smile playing around her lips. But he knew she would not be there. And the thought of his empty bed made his eyes fill with tears.

But Eydis' voice had sounded too happy for him to reply anything else than: 'Yes, little one. I will tell Mummy.'

~ ~ ~

There was a single candle burning on the nightstand when Severus entered the master bedroom, and he found a tiny box on his pillow, wrapped in dark green paper. Surely one of the elves had put it there. The box contained a silver locket, engraved with a viper with dark, mysteriously glittering eyes. Cassandra's Patronus.

As Severus opened the locket, his hands shaking, Cassandra looked up at him with her heavenly blue eyes and smiled for him, just for him. A sob shook his body, and he had to blink fiercely to be able to read the tiny card.

Dearest Severus,

Cassandra

That was when Severus sank onto his bed, dropping the card as he brought his hands to his face. All of a sudden he felt tired, so endlessly tired, and endlessly desperate. What if she had not heard him? What if he had said it too late?

'Did you hear me say it, Cassandra?' he whispered into the darkness. 'Did you hear me say that I love you?'

And for the second time that Christmas day, Severus felt Cassandra's presence beside him, felt her touch on his cheek and heard her voice.

'I did not need to hear you, Severus. I know you love me.'

Yes, she knew. She had written it in silver ink on the dark green card that was now lying at Severus' feet. He would pick it up later, tuck it into his pocket and treasure it until the day he died. He would always carry it with him, as the last proof of her love.

He slept peacefully that Christmas night, with his face buried in the pillow that still carried her scent. And in his dreams Cassandra was there, right beside him, holding him in her arms until the morning.

~ ~ ~

Severus had never realised that the Shrieking Shack was so close to the little hill on which Hogsmeade cemetery was situated. Maybe that was why people had so easily accepted the idea that the rumbling building was haunted.

When he knelt to lay a rose on his wife's grave, his eyes lingered on the shack, and his thoughts started drifting. He had almost died there, twice. Once due to a juvenile prank and once at the hands of the most evil creature that had ever wandered the face of the earth.

His old life had ended there in the Shrieking Shack when the Dark Lord had set Nagini on him, and he had been given the chance to a new life. He had taken it, started over and found love. And now he was back, lying to rest the woman he loved, and once more it was time to start a new life. A life without her.

But he was not alone. Beside him stood his little daughter, holding flowers in her hand, and behind him stood a handful of people who actually cared:

Minerva was looking stern with her hair in a tight bun and her hands firmly clasped around a white handkerchief with which she, now and then, silently wiped away a tear. She had always been there for him. They had shared countless cups of tea and the occasional glass of Ogden's. And Severus knew that he could always count on her support. Even – or especially – when he himself did not have the strength to ask for help.

Poppy was crying openly, not ashamed to hide her tears. She had taken care of Cassandra over the last couple of weeks, had made sure she never wanted for anything. She had even put up an extra bed beside Cassandra's, so Severus and Eydis could spend the night in the hospital wing whenever they wanted to. And despite her being a medi-witch, Cassandra's death had been hard on Poppy.

Filius had been Cassandra's Head of House, her mentor. He had made sure that she had had somewhere to go when her family had disowned her. And he had held on to her wand from the day she had turned her back on the Wizarding world and given it back to her the day she had been ready to return. Severus never knew exactly what Filius had said to Cassandra that Christmas Eve five years ago. But whatever he had said, it had opened Cassandra's mind to the possibility of following Severus back home.

Per, too, had come. At first, Severus had been worried to invite a Muggle. He had not known that Per had known about Cassandra being a witch for years. But now, it seemed natural that she had told him. He was, after all, her oldest friend. He had been there for her during the loneliest days of her life. He had made her go on. And Severus was endlessly grateful for it.

And then there were the Potters. Severus had brought Eydis there the day after Christmas. Cassandra and Ginny had agreed to let the children have a play date after the celebrations, and Severus had seen no reason to disappoint his daughter by not going. On the contrary. He wanted Eydis' life to be as normal as possible.

Harry Potter had silently shaken Severus' hand and gawkily patted his shoulder. And Ginny had given him a quick hug and then let go. Not once had she asked him the awkward question of how he was holding up. But when she had found him standing in the garden, his fists clenched and his eyes burning with tears that he was unable to shed, she had told him that she would take care of Eydis that night if he wanted to be on his own. And he had just nodded at her, and gratefully Disapparated.

Yes, it was an odd collection of people that had come together on the little hill not far away from the Shrieking Shack that December morning. But they all had two things in common: they had all come to take farewell and to make sure Severus would not forget that they were there.