Chapter One - Bittersweet

Chapter One -- Bittersweet

Aiko leaned back in her chair, gazing at the image on her computer screen.

It was an artist's impression of what the extinct psychic leopard Panthera pardus adersi must have looked like. Her eyes ran over the drawing, remembering the day, years ago, when she had set eyes on the augmented animals her father had been working on.

The memory was bittersweet. For the kittens had begun to die not long after she had seen them, the eldest one first, then one after the other, wasting away in their containers before ever being born. The scientists had been unable to find a cause for the deaths.

Finally the child Aiko had stopped asking to see them again; it had been almost a relief when her father, discouraged by repeated failure, had left the project to work on other research.

"There's the boss! Aiko, look, he's crossing the courtyard now..."

Aiko sighed. "Give it a rest, Suzu," she said. "I really don't know what you see in Raikatuji-san. I rode the lift into the building with him this morning, and he didn't say so much as good morning. A nod, that was all I got when I greeted him. I don't think he's very polite."

Suzu snorted. "Huh, who cares about polite? He's good looking, single, and rich. That's enough. If I'd been in that lift, I'd have made him talk to me!"

She moved away from the window and sat back down at her desk. "Oh well, he's gone into the stadium now. He had that new fighting animal with him. I saw it when it arrived two weeks ago."

"Oh yes? What species is it?"

"Don't know – it must be one of the new crossbred strains. Vicious looking thing – all long legs and attitude. The boss ought to keep it on a leash." She shuddered. "Are you going to the exhibition match at lunchtime to see it fight?" she added. "All the staff are invited."

Aiko shook her head. "No. I hate those matches. It's wrong to make animals fight each other."

"I don't understand you sometimes Aiko. It's our job to research fighting animals. It's their job to fight." She shrugged. "I don't have a problem with it."

"The difference is that we get paid for our job, and we have a choice about whether or not we do it. We can always resign. The animals have no choice, get nothing out of it, and can end up hurt or even dead. And people get rich on the results. It's not right." Aiko's voice had risen angrily, and she had said more than she meant to. She stopped herself with an effort, more than a little surprised by the outburst.

Suzu stared at her. "You've been in a real weird mood lately, you know that? You're usually so composed, but the past couple of weeks you've been biting my head off at the least little thing."

Aiko took a deep breath to calm down. "I'm sorry, Suzu," she apologized. "I've felt a little depressed these last couple of weeks."

"What's up? Man problems?"

Aiko frowned. Her friend really did have a one-track mind. "No. There's really nothing I can think of. I just feel... I don't know!" She shrugged.

Suzu nodded wisely. "You need to get out more, relax and have some fun. Tell you what, tonight I'm going out on the town with some friends. Come along and I'll fix you up with Hiroshi. You remember him, he's my friend Takara's brother. You'd like him, he'll show you a good time."

Aiko shook her head. "No. Thanks Suzu, but I'd rather not. I planned a nice quiet night in tonight."

"Come on, girl, it's Friday, live a little! Who stays home on a Friday night?"

"Me," Aiko said firmly. "I'm just not in the mood for going out this evening."

Suzu shrugged. "Whatever. I'm fed up with work this morning – think I'll go to lunch early. If I wander across to the stadium now, I might get the boss interested."

"Yeah, interested in why you're not working!" Aiko thought to herself as Suzu left.

Aiko busied herself with logging details of the digestive processes of the genetically-modified fighting elephant Gigantos for the next half hour, but her mind stayed on her conversation with Suzu. It was true she had been feeling a little strange lately.

She tried to analyze the mood. She was her usual self when at home, but by the time she got to work, she'd begun to feel irritable. Some days it wasn't too bad, other times she'd felt close to tears, or angry, or both. But angry at what?

There seemed to be no trigger to the emotions which would sweep over her so unexpectedly.

Late afternoon was the worst. She'd begun leaving early, as she knew that if she lingered too long she'd start to feel really depressed. The feeling would gradually subside the further

away from the Raikatuji Genetically-Modified Animal Research Centre she got. It was totally out of character for her, unlike anything she'd ever experienced before. And as she'd told Suzu, there was no reason for it.

Maybe I'm allergic to work! she thought in exasperation. But she enjoyed her work, she was proud of following in her father's footsteps as an animal researcher. And up until two weeks ago, she'd been fine...

Two weeks ago. What had occurred then to make her feel this way? The unhappy, bitter, lonely feeling suddenly enveloped her again, and she screwed her eyes shut, trying to block it out, to make it go away, her hands balled into fists on her desk.

WHY DO I EXIST?

Aiko gasped and opened her eyes, badly shaken. The thought had been like a frustrated scream inside her head.

Abruptly she stood and went to the window, flinging it open and breathing deeply to calm herself. The klaxon announcing the beginning of the match in the stadium sounded, and as suddenly as it had begun, the bitter hopelessness dissipated. Despite the warmth of the day, she shivered and hugged herself, badly frightened by the experience.

For a moment she thought of telephoning her retired father to ask his advice, but she didn't want to worry him. What could she tell him anyway? "I'm feeling depressed, and I heard a voice in my head." He'd think she'd gone crazy.

Am I going mad? she wondered. What's happening to me?

She decided to wait for another week. If the feeling hadn't disappeared by then, she promised herself, she'd visit a psychiatrist and see if that would throw any light on her problem.

Hoping that work would keep her mind off the depression, she plunged back into the intricacies of the internal plumbing of Gigantos.

*

Suzu arrived back in the office after a couple of hours, full of beans.

"The boss said hello to me," she announced delightedly. "And he smiled when he said it."

"Hey, congratulations. Can I be the bridesmaid?" Aiko asked, suppressing a smile.

"You may laugh, but it's a start!" Suzu answered, refusing to let her mood be dimmed. She sat down happily. "It's a good thing you didn't come along though, since you hate seeing poor l'il fluffy animals get hurt. It was quite a show. That new animal the boss has is amazing. I was right, it's brutally efficient – fought everything thrown at it and won each round without breaking into a sweat. It's a psychic animal, by the way, how rare is that? I saw it levitate, and it could somehow shield itself against light, it gave the impression that it had just disappeared – you could only see it when it moved, there was a sort of flickering effect. I've only seen that particular trick in Coatis, and then only once before. But I still don't know what they crossbred to get it. It must have cost the boss a fortune."

Aiko shook her head. It'll probably end up making him another, she thought, but kept it to herself.

*

Suzu had left for the day when Aiko felt the first stirrings of the now-familiar depression.

Oh no, she thought despondently and quickly began to pack her work away, getting ready to leave. She locked the door of the office behind her and hurried down the corridor, feeling the hopelessness building inside her mind as a relentless pressure.

Why do I feel this way? she wondered for the hundredth time, heading for the lift at the other end of the building. As she passed a corridor branching off at right angles from her route, she was so overwhelmed by such a desperate wave of sadness that she stopped walking, her eyes filling with tears.

Drawing a deep breath to steady herself, she half-turned and saw someone standing, gazing out the large window at the end of the corridor, silhouetted against the blazing light of the setting sun. And abruptly, without being able to rationalize the feeling in any way, Aiko knew that the depression she was feeling was outside of herself, that it was not her emotion at all, but emanated from the figure at the end of the corridor.

As she gazed at it, she realized with a shock that the window was open and the figure was standing with feet on the very edge of the casement, leaning far out. And they were six floors up...

Her heart thumping with fright, she raced down the corridor, calling out as she did so, "No! Don't jump!"

The figure whirled about and moved lithely away from the window, out of the full glare of sunlight, and Aiko realized she'd been mistaken.

For facing her was not a tall man as she'd assumed, but a genetically-modified animal, or GMA, standing on two hind legs, long tail no longer curled about his feet and hidden by the bright sunlight, but flicking behind him with annoyance.

He looked down at her with disdain, and then he spoke quite clearly: "I've no intention of jumping. Go away, human."

His voice was deep, each word a mellow roll of sound, like softly purred growls, but entirely understandable.

"You... you can... speak?" Aiko said. It was the first time she'd heard of a GMA being able to communicate using human language.

The creature turned away from her dismissively. "Leave me alone." And a voice she heard only inside her head added: Stupid human....

Aiko's eyes had adjusted now to the glare of sunlight flooding through the window, and as she heard that voice, memories long buried rose to the surface of her consciousness in a great upwelling. In wonder she gazed at the figure striding away from her. He was nearly two metres tall, long and lean, yet now Aiko knew the creamy orange-tinged fur and long tail, the dramatic black rosettes that decorated his body, and most of all she remembered the psychic voice in her head.

"Wait!"

The animal glanced over his shoulder at her. She felt his irritation at her persistence. "Go away. I've told you I'm not going to jump."

Aiko drew a deep breath, caught up with him and quickly moved in front, blocking his path.

"You... you don't remember me, do you?" she said. Gazing up into the cat-like face, she continued, "Cast your memory back -- you were being grown in a glass container. A little girl came to see you. You played together and said you'd be friends forever..."

She had his full attention now. He was staring wide-eyed at her, and Aiko could feel a tumult of conflicting emotion.

"You do remember," she insisted, "I can feel your emotions as easily now as I could then. Little Kitten, you know me. I'm Aiko."

He backed away from her, shaking his head. Aiko felt fear and bewilderment emanating from him. "No! You can't be Aiko -- Aiko died -- "

"No. I was forced to leave, and I wanted to come back, but my father wouldn't let me. He told me that the kittens had begun to die, and I was so sad, because I thought that meant my Little Kitten... you... had also died..." Aiko's throat was tight, and with surprise she felt tears threatening to overflow.

He had stopped moving and was now regarding her face intently. Uncertainly, he brought up one handlike paw, and Aiko, suddenly knowing what he was doing, raised her own hand. Their palms touched, and he drew a quick shaky breath. "Aiko!"

With his other hand, he tentatively touched the top of her head, then very gently ran it down the side of her face. His paw was warm, the short fur soft as velvet.

"How can it be?" he said in wonder. "Aiko? But Aiko was so much bigger than me...."

Aiko laughed softly, breathlessly, overwhelmed by her memories. "I told you then that you'd grow up to be big and strong, didn't I? And you've grown more than I ever imagined. I can't very well call you 'Little Kitten' anymore. What is your name?"

"The Raikatuji labs where I was created used to be in the city of Miyatsu. I was part of the Miyatsu Project, Batch Number Thirteen. Sakaki just calls me Miyatsu."

"Miyatsu," Aiko repeated, memories of the city where she used to live rising up. She nodded. That name fitted him far better than her old nickname for the kitten he had been.

"Aiko, you're crying. A human once told me that people cry when they're unhappy -- has meeting me again made you unhappy?"

Aiko brushed at the tears with one hand. "No, Little... I mean, Miyatsu, tears show great emotion, good or bad. I'm crying because I'm so pleased to see you again!"

Unable to contain herself any longer, she threw her arms around Miyatsu and embraced him. For a moment he did nothing, but Aiko could feel delighted surprise flowing from him in waves. Then he put his arms about her shoulders and somewhat diffidently, then with more confidence, he hugged her back. She felt a strange vibrating rumble begin in his chest, and it took her a moment to identify the sound. But then she was charmed to recognise it for what it was.

Miyatsu was purring.

*

They sat comfortably on the floor of the corridor, exchanging memories. Aiko had her back against the wall, her legs stretched out before her on the carpet, ankles crossed. Miyatsu sat catlike on his haunches, his arms now used as front legs for balance, his long tail curled neatly over his forepaws.

Aiko no longer felt the echo of dreadful depression that had haunted her days for the past two weeks. Although she now knew the cause, it was a shock to realize how responsive she was to Miyatsu's moods. She could feel his joy at meeting her again, and the bittersweet nostalgia of times past as they talked.

"The day you woke me," Miyatsu was saying, "I remember many humans in the lab running tests, trying to get me to move about, shining bright lights in my eyes, doing things I didn't like. But nobody would talk to me psychically."

Miyatsu paused for a moment. "I realize now how few humans are able to understand me unless I vocalize. But for a long time I didn't know why they seemed unable to hear me, or answer."

"I always spoke to you aloud," Aiko reminded him.

"I understood the words you said, I think, because you projected their meaning psychically," Miyatsu answered.

"After that day in the lab," Aiko said, "my father took me to be tested for psychic ability. I remember the results were ambiguous. The tests showed that I have a high empathic index, but everything else was rather weak. The tester did say that maybe I could improve, if I was taught by a psychic, or if I was sufficiently motivated," she added, "but I never bothered to pursue it."

"Nevertheless, I understood you." Miyatsu smiled at her, making Aiko realize that this was another area where he differed from other GMA's. Like humans, he had a full range of facial expressions. "But none of the other humans that day could speak to me. Their tests frightened me. I didn't understand what they wanted. I kept begging them to bring you back, but of course they didn't respond. When I realized they couldn't hear me, I put myself back to sleep. They couldn't reach me there, I was safe again." Miyatsu stared at the far wall, his eyes unfocused as he remembered.

"I asked about you," Aiko said. "My father told me that you became unresponsive again fairly quickly. He was in favor of taking me back to the lab, but the other scientists were against the idea. They seemed to think that your awakening while I was there was just coincidence. At any rate, I was never allowed back in."

"I wish you had come back," Miyatsu replied wistfully. "After you vanished, I was very lonely. I reached out psychically, trying to find your light again, but I came instead across twelve others, the sleeping clones. I was able to rouse them, and we would speak psychically..."

"The strange brainwave patterns my father spoke of!" Aiko said. "You all seemed unconscious, but Dad said that the alpha waves of all the clones were off the charts after I left. So that's what caused it!"

"For a while they were my only companions, but I was content," Miyatsu continued. "I had friends, although obviously, our experience of life was very limited. But then number one, the eldest of us, felt horrible pain. He told us it was unendurable, and not long after, his psychic voice seemed to waver and his light dissolved into the gloom. One by one, all the others were affected. Their lights flickered and vanished, and they wouldn't answer my cries. Then when I felt the pain, I was very afraid. But I remembered what you said, that I would grow up to be big and strong. Perhaps, I thought, this pain is the process beginning? I hung on. But the pain was dreadful -- the scientists told me after my birth that it was caused by the -- what was the word? Where something doesn't quite fit together?"

"Incompatible?" Aiko suggested.

Miyatsu nodded. "Yes. Parts of my body were -– incompatible -- because I'm made up of the genes of several different species."

Miyatsu's eyes lost focus again as he remembered, and Aiko winced as she also felt his recollection of the agony he'd gone through.

"Inflammation," she murmured. "Anaphylaxis. The body trying to integrate disparate parts into some sort of working organism. The immune system attacking itself..."

"I resisted," Miyatsu continued, "To distract myself I concentrated on how you and I had played together, or else thought about conversations I'd had with my identikin, I even recalled the scientists and the tests they'd run on me, anything to take my mind off the pain."

"But you didn't give in," Aiko said softly.

"No. My will was no stronger than the others, but I had the most life experience, limited though it was. I felt there was more to life than pain. I wanted to live. But, oh Aiko! The temptation to just let go, to dissolve and be at peace, was almost more than I could bear! Then, just when I felt as if I couldn't bear it any more, it started to get better. My body managed to rearrange itself, the fire in my joints died down, my skin no longer itched and burned, and the pain... stopped." Miyatsu sighed, then looked at her and smiled slightly. "Your eyes are crying again, Aiko," he observed, lifting one paw to touch her face. "Are you unhappy? I find your moods difficult to read now -- you're quieter, where before, when we were younger, your psychic voice was like a joyful shout inside my mind."

"I'm moved by your endurance," she admitted, wiping the tears with the back of one hand. "And I guess my mind doesn't project much psychically any more." She smiled and shook her head. "So you were the only one of the thirteen who survived?"

"Yes. The lab was moved from Miyatsu to one of the uninhabited Ryukyu Islands, south of Kyushu. It was just known as Shima. I was born there, some time afterwards. I had no way of measuring time while I was gestating within the container, but they told me afterwards I was there for many years, slowly growing. I was very lonely. On the island I would hear other psychic voices, but they made little sense. I understand now that there were Coatis on the island, kept as research animals. But at least, hearing them, I felt less alone. There were also one or two scientists working on Shima who were not so psychically blind as most humans. I remember listening to them in awe – intelligent minds, sharp and strong and direct. They were very different from the muted sound of the Coatis in their pens, whose only interests seemed to be feeding and fighting. The humans didn't realize that they were broadcasting, of course, but I was inspired, I wanted to be like them." He smiled again. "Over time, by listening, I began to learn the meanings of other human words besides 'Aiko'."

"What happened when you were finally born?"

"I was given to a Capuchin to be mothered," Miyatsu answered. "Do you know them?"

Aiko nodded. "Oh yes. They're a type of monkey, and if they can't get anything animate to baby, they'll adopt rocks! I've seen young Capuchins squabbling over who gets to take care of infant siblings. I like them."

"For a while, I thought I was a Capuchin," Miyatsu replied. Fond amusement colored his mental tone. "I was socialized with a group of orphaned Coatis, each with their own Capuchin 'mother'. But although I had companions again, it wasn't enough. I wanted to be with the humans. I learnt to speak by listening and imitating the scientists. Being psychic helps the process. I can understand the meaning of words when there's a mental picture to go with it. And I was eager to learn. The Capuchins and the Coatis weren't at all like humans. I was fond of them, but... they're not my species." Aiko felt his regret. "I've since found that humans aren't my species either. I have no species."

"That's why you were depressed, isn't it?" Aiko said. "I've been feeling your mood ever since you arrived here at Raikatuji Centre. I thought I was going mad until today." She paused, thinking. "You are the only one of your species," she said, "but you're not alone. You're sentient..."

"What means that word?" Miyatsu asked curiously; then as Aiko concentrated on finding the right interpretation, his expression took on a look of understanding. "Ah, I see! Creatures that can reason and are aware of their own existence."

"You took that out of my head!" Aiko accused.

"You see, the psychic tests you did were right. Your 'voice' grows stronger when you think hard," he answered complacently.

"I don't know that I like having my mind read. I value my privacy."

Miyatsu radiated a sense of contrition, but Aiko could feel amusement there as well. "It was only a tiny whisper," he said reassuringly. "If I wasn't sitting next to you, I wouldn't have heard you."

"As I was saying," Aiko continued with a smile, "you're sentient. There's no reason you can't be friends with other sentients, in this case, humans."

Miyatsu shook his head. "You're one of the few humans I've met who isn't afraid of me. They see me and think 'animal' instead of 'sentient being', and become scared that I'll harm them. None have wanted to stop and talk to me as you did!" He sighed. "Everybody goes away at night, and on the weekends, leaving me alone. At least on Shima I had the company of the Capuchins and the Coatis when the staff left. I dread weekends most. During the week I have my work. But the weekends -- I have nobody to talk to and nowhere to go. Before I met you the only human who would talk to me is Sakaki, and he leaves like everybody else."

"Sakaki? Oh, Raikatuji-san, the boss. But you're not a prisoner here, surely? You can go where you like, can't you?"

"Go where? To do what? Aiko, you were right when you said I'm unhappy here. I have no purpose other than to hurt other genetically-modified animals. I try to knock them out quickly to ease their suffering. I take no joy in giving pain."

Aiko remembered his ringing psychic cry earlier in the day, before the lunchtime match had started: Why do I exist? The misery had been intense. She remembered also Suzu's remarks after the match concerning the new fighting animal's abilities: "brutally efficient... fought everything thrown at it and won each round..."

She knew now that Miyatsu had not tried to be brutal at all, but merciful.

The radiance that had been pouring through the window had shrunk to a thin bar of light on the floor as the sun sank below the horizon. It was getting late. But she didn't want to be just another human, leaving Miyatsu by himself.

"Would you like to come to my house?" she offered. "We can share a meal and talk some more. Weekends can be fun..."

She broke off as Miyatsu's feeling of gladness washed over her. "I could? I'd like to see where you live very much."

"It's not far from here, just a short walk up the beach. What do you like to eat?"

Miyatsu looked puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"You know, what are your favorite foods? I have some chicken wings in my refrigerator at home. Or I could make some sushi for you."

Aiko sensed bafflement radiating from him, and Miyatsu's expression remained puzzled. "I don't understand what you're saying, Aiko, the words make no sense to me."

Aiko frowned as a thought struck her. "Do you have special dietary requirements?" she ventured. "Some species do."

"I eat brown mush and green pellets. Is that what you mean?"

Aiko shook her head. "Would you mind if I looked at your teeth? That would help me determine the sorts of food you can have."

Miyatsu obligingly opened his mouth wide, revealing an impressive set of ivories. Aiko examined them. "Hmm. Fairly typical carnivore dentition, feline definitely, although those adapted carnassials at the back should make omnivorous feeding possible." She met Miyatsu's eyes. "I see no reason for restricted food types from examining your teeth. But of course you could have a metabolic requirement for certain foods. Do you have any examples of the food you normally eat?"

"I have packets of it in my room. I'll show you -- it's through that door over there." He stood on all fours, stretched his long back exactly like a cat, and then gracefully rose to his full height to walk on two legs, his long tail held in a sweeping curve behind him.

Aiko gazed about as she entered Miyatsu's room. The word 'spartan' did not begin to describe it. It was merely a room with a large square futon bed against one wall, a cupboard against the other, and what appeared to be a basic bathroom through another door. There was no entertainment of any sort, no television, radio, stereo or books. The floor was tatami matting, the unadorned walls painted the same non-descript shade of bland as the rest of the offices in the building. She tried not to let her feelings show on her face and disciplined her thoughts to quiet, as well, so that the psychic Miyatsu would not pick them out of her head. But he was busy at the cupboard, taking out packets.

Aiko walked over to look. The packets contained standard animal food, a basic diet with all the appropriate vitamins, minerals, protein, fats, sugars and fiber included. In fact, Aiko had helped develop one of them, the "green pellets" Miyatsu had mentioned. It was also bland and unappealing, designed to complement a more inclusive diet, rather than totally replace it.

"Is this -- all -- you eat?" Aiko asked, picking up one of the packets.

"I used to have the brown mush on Shima, but we had some long orange things and crunchy green things too. And sometimes round red things with sweet white inside," Miyatsu answered. "I used to like those," he added.

"Sounds like carrots, celery probably, and apples," Aiko mused. Standard diet for the herbiverous Coatis. She put the packet down.

It appeared that while Miyatsu could eat an omnivorous diet, Sakaki had not bothered to give him variety. No wonder he had no favorite food. He'd never experienced the full range available. Aiko decided to fix that omission, starting that evening.

(Author's note: In the second paragraph of this chapter, I mention that Miyatsu's ancestor's were known as "Panthera pardus adersi". Although the character of Miyatsu and this story is of course fiction, there is, or was, a real subspecies of this particular leopard, also known as the "Zanzibar leopard". If any readers are interested in finding out more about it, the link is here:

http://www.geocities.com/jaffacity/Zanzibar_Leopard.html

The creature was an amazing-looking animal, but unfortunately is now presumed to be extinct, as it was believed to be a witches familiar, and was therefore hunted by humans beyond its capacity to reproduce.)