The Constant Upon Which I Set My Life

***

The next day, Severus came to the Infirmary to see Alissa. She was gone. He stood staring at her empty bed for what seemed like forever. Poppy walked slowly towards him.

"Severus?"

He jumped and muttered an apology, quickly departing to find Albus.

"I was expecting you, Severus," Dumbledore said evenly.

"Why is she gone? She was in terrible shape just last night!" Severus exclaimed, his volatile emotions getting the better of him.

Dumbledore looked at Snape through the tops of his half-moon shaped glasses. "I would think you of all people, Severus, would understand the need for our guest to leave as soon as humanly possible."

"Humanly possible? She must have help! Her back was no more than raw meat!" bellowed Snape.

"Our friend has her own resources, not to mention a Master to turn to, now that she has endured her punishment. Surely, wherever Tom is, there she shall find adequate care." Dumbledore peered seriously into the face of his old friend.

"Severus, you must now accept the helplessness we all feel when you come and go from Tom's presence. The Order waits on pins and needles wondering if you'll be alright, or even if you will ever return! It's now your turn to walk in the other half's shoes."

Dumbledore sat down and gestured Snape to sit as well. "I take it there was a message?"

"Yes," he said numbly. "The Dark Lord knows about our previous relationship."

"And how did this information come about?"

"Pettigrew," Snape spat out angrily.

"Ah, yes. Well, it seems everyone is trading up to save themselves. He certainly saved that juicy tidbit for a while. When are you going to be summoned for your punishment?"

"There won't be one. She...the idiot girl...begged to take my punishment. She lied and said she forced me to take a Wizard's Oath not to tell anyone of our affair. However, I am not out of the woods yet. I must return to Spinner's End with the miserable rat and stay under his watchful eye," he said sneered.

"Ah! House arrest," Albus surmised.

"Precisely," Severus said with a glower.

"That puts you out of commission for the time being."

"It certainly does. She will have to be even more cautious, Albus. And she has made it clear that she still is not up to snuff at Occlumency. Having her step higher and higher up in the ranks will place her mind in more jeopardy for infiltration. Not only by the Dark Lord, but by Bellatrix, as well. I don't know how we are going to survive the next two months if I can't be there to avert interest away from her."

"It will be crucial to move now and claim the final Hallow, Severus. I shall retrieve it myself," the older man said decisively.

"You are sure, absolutely sure, Albus, that the Resurrection Stone is at that hovel?"

"If the information I have worked hard collecting over the years is accurate, and I have no doubt that it is, I shall have it within the week. I have had to work on the various wards and enchantments Tom has erected to protect it from being stolen. They're quite impressive, really, but I have finally worked it all out. Gaining the Stone and ensuring Draco stays on the side of the Light after he rightfully possesses the Elder Wand shall be our only means of flushing Tom out and drawing him to us. I will be instructing Mr. Potter to carry his cloak with him at all times. We must not allow Tom to gain the Hallows, yet we must keep him on the scent. While we wait for the inevitable, I shall prepare a plan to educate our young Mr. Potter on Horcruxes. It is imperative that Harry remain focused on the Horcruxes, Severus...not on the Hallows. That will be your mission after Tom releases you from your probation: making sure Tom does not possess them. Ivette shall guide you."

"Ironic, isn't it, Albus?" Snape said wryly.

"It certainly is, my boy. It looks as though you are viewing things from the other side of the Looking Glass, as it were. No doubt Sirius would find it all terribly amusing," he said with his usual twinkle.

***

September, 1996

The Order met in Dumbledore's Office. It was not safe to leave the school unattended now, and a full Order meeting was needed. Far too many deaths and far too many disappearances were dragging the morale of the Order down into the mud. Hermione Granger, although a student, was inducted into the Order due to her recent birthday that gave her status of Legal Wizarding age, plus the Order's interest with her relationship with Viktor Krum.

The meeting was somber. The Order was still mourning the losses of Emmeline Vance and Amelia Bones. Now that the Abbotts had been attacked and Hannah Abbott's mother had been killed, the girl had left the school, regardless of the reassurances by several Order members that the only safe place for all the students would be at Hogwarts.

"Please! Everyone must calm down! If the parents of our students want to take them home, we have no right to stand in their way," Dumbledore stated calmly.

"Now, Miss Granger, do you have anything to report on Mr. Krum?"

"Perhaps, Professor. His correspondence is light-hearted and does not reveal anything of any importance to the Order, which is precisely what bothers me. Each letter is giving me a sinking feeling that he is trying to feel me out just as much as I am him. I don't see him being for our side. But Muggles have a saying that I think pertains to our predicament: 'Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.'"

The Order members murmured amongst themselves their approval of her wise words.

Snape spoke up. "I did not want to say, since I do not have any solid proof, but a new batch of Death Eaters arrived at the last meeting from Durmstrang. I believe Krum was among them. I unfortunately am not in the position to sort this out, but I am sure that, perhaps, Ivette might?"

Dumbledore nodded. "I do have some news to report about Ivette," he said darkly.

Snape felt his heart jump into his throat and his stomach drop into his shoes. He kept his face blank and waited for the news.

"Ivette has Ollivander in custody, although she cannot divulge where he is being held nor why. Fortescue's death has been confirmed by Ivette as well. She said she made it as painless as possible. She also went on her secret mission for Tom, and it was as we planned...unsuccessful. Now, she is going to be sent on yet another mission that has some interest bearing on Ollivander. As soon as I am able to contact her, I shall ask about Mr. Krum and if he actually is in the country."

He turned sadly towards Hermione. "I am truly sorry that it might come to this, Miss Granger."

Hermione nodded despondently and kept her head down. She was not shocked to hear the news. Deep down, she had always known it was a possibility.

Arthur spoke up. "So, there is something You-Know-Who wants that is connected with wand-making?"

Albus chose his words carefully. "Ivette and I believe he is concerned about the twin cores his and Mr. Potter's wands share. He wants to make certain he can procure a mightier wand that will ensure his victory. This is a part of the mission Ivette is on, and she will do her utmost to thwart any progress towards that end."

Everyone was subdued. Things were looking rather bleak. Plus, Albus had done some sort of damage to his hand, but no one was talking about it...

***

Christmas, 1996

"Bloody hell, Albus!" Alissa exclaimed as she stepped through the Floo, dusting off her robes, clearly frustrated. "This is getting insane! First, I'm Apparating all over the damn continent doing these ridiculous missions that are down-right fruitless and exasperating, now just when I was 'hot' on the trail of Gregorovitch, I was recalled to come and secure the Malfoy Manor because of Arthur Weasley! Albus, I don't have the time or the patience for this nonsense! I just spent the better part of my month playing hide and seek with Weasley and that blasted team of his from the Ministry! You know very well if Ollivander is discovered, this whole operation will fall apart at the seams! Keep the bloody Ministry away from Lucius!" she fumed.

Dumbledore sighed. He was expecting her anger. "I am sorry for your inconvenience, Alissa. There has been some very suspicious activity on the part of his son, Draco, and just so you know, we just recently had a student attacked with a piece of cursed jewelry."

Alissa was interested in this bit of news and stopped her impending tirade. "Who is handling the object?"

"Severus, of course. He is the Defense teacher this year."

Alissa nodded her head. "Of course, of course. I had forgotten. I need to speak with Severus, then."

"Fine. I'll call him and leave you my office. I'll go see if Minerva has any of those delicious shortbread cookies and tea for me. She loves to spoil me so!"

***

"Well," Severus said curtly as he walked into the Headmaster's office. "You seem to be doing well. Completely on the mend?"

"Yes, Severus. I'm just fine," Alissa retorted impatiently. "Now, what's this about a cursed object that got a student nearly killed?"

"I am quite capable of handling dark objects, Alissa," He retorted waspishly. "What I do not seem to have under control is Draco Malfoy. He is plotting for the Dark Lord, and he will not confide any information. And yes, before you ask, he has been working diligently on his Occlumency. His Auntie Bella must be training him. He is becoming very good at thwarting me and my attempts to uncover his grand scheme."

Alissa poured herself some tea and then some for Severus, and they sat on the sofa together to continue their discussion. He looked at her curiously.

Alissa could feel his eyes on her, and she raised a hand to him. "Well, don't ask me for help! I'm still as worthless as ever with my own Occlumency! The best I can do these days is just go blank!" She narrowed her eyes as she looked at Severus. "You know the reason behind all of this scheme and cursed objects, don't you?" she pressed.

"I think, Ivette, I may know more about what is truly going on than you do, for once." He smirked at her look of annoyance.

"Fine," she sneered. "You may keep your little triumphs. You just keep me informed of any and all pertinent information that has to do with me. I don't want the battle starting while I am off God knows where."

Severus watched her as she sipped her tea absent-mindedly. She looked ragged, as if she had not had a moment's peace in a very long time, and this was her first chance to actually rest. He hated to complicate matters, but he couldn't do it alone anymore. He needed her.

Severus set his cup down and took Alissa's from hers as well. He grasped her hands in his and spoke urgently to her.

"I can't tell you, but there will come a time where all my ties with the Order shall be severed irrevocably. You will be my sole comrade when that happens. My spying days shall end, and I will remain with the Dark Lord until the final battle. I fear I shall never be allowed back at Hogwarts. I may need you desperately during that time."

"What are you saying, Severus?" she asked suspiciously as she pulled her hands from his.

He grasped her by her upper arms. "Just believe in me, trust me when everything inside you screams not to. Know that my allegiance will never be with that snake! Promise me, Alissa. Please?"

"Of course, Severus." She smiled at him confidently.

He reached out and grasped her chin, pulled her forward, and kissed her. She responded and kissed back hungrily. They pulled apart after a moment, and she stood up.

"I must go," she said tiredly.

"Why?" he asked, his deep voice barely above a whisper. He kept his head down, his face hidden by his long hair. He reached out for her and caressed her arm. "Please, stay, Alissa."

She turned to him and reached out her hand, gently turning his face towards her. Their eyes connected, and he slowly stood and took her into his arms. He cupped her face with his hands and passionately kissed her. "Come back to my rooms, Alissa. Please stay, just for the night?" he pleaded.

She pulled back to look at him. "What about the war, Severus?"

"No war exists tonight. Not here. Not for us," he said as he captured her mouth again.

They went into the fireplace to Floo to his rooms. Alissa took his hand into her own, and he looked down at her.

"The war never exists when it comes to how I feel for you, Severus," she whispered.

***

He missed this. He missed her beautiful warmth and passionate craving for him. Why he should be so loved, he would never understand. He watched her as she straddled him and slowly brought them to release. His guilt was horrendous. He had not lived a celibate life; it had been true what she had said. Every once in a while, he took a whore for release. As he entered Alissa the first time this night, it was apparent she had not had a lover since she was seventeen. She was just as incredibly tight and unyielding as her first time had been. She was, for all accounts, a virgin again, but her age and life experience made her a quick learner, and the shyness that was so prominent at seventeen was gone at thirty-two. She was a grown woman who was not ashamed of her desires for him. He ran a hand down from her lips to her breast and then to her soft belly. She was older, her breasts were not as firm as when she was seventeen, and her back had been ravaged by the Dark Lord, but it didn't matter. He had never been a prize...even on his best day. However, he strangely found her lovelier now than she had been ever been. She was all woman, and he was a man. He regretted his selfish youth. She was indeed a treasure. He took great care to not hurt her back. After they made love, he spent time using his own potions and creams to soften the scar tissue as he thoroughly massaged her.

They slept through dinner and woke only very late to make love one more time before succumbing to sleep again. When dawn came, he watched her dress and prepare to leave him again, just as she always had.

"It's not right that you are the one that must leave me," he mused. "It seems everything is backwards these days. Nothing is as it should be." He laid in bed, staring at the ceiling, very deep in thought. "How do you keep going on, Alissa? What keeps you putting yourself out there again and again?"

She flashed her beautiful smile and laughed. "Well, I focus on what is constant and unmovable. Time and tide wait for no man, and no one makes the Dark Lord wait. But most importantly, I love you, Severus. It is a constant upon which I set my life." She bent over and kissed him. He stroked her face and kissed her deeply in return.

Then she was gone...

***

It was a long and dreadful term. The winter seemed endless, but when spring arrived and there was no word from Alissa, Severus could only fear the worst. He went on, trying to watch out for Draco's progress. The yearly Apparition lessons came and went. Ronald Weasley almost got himself killed drinking mead that supposedly had been meant for Dumbledore's consumption. Severus could only shake his head in desperation as he drank himself into a stupor every night. He missed the feel of creamy satin skin and the look of long black hair so much that he began to forget the green eyes that had haunted him for so long.

He wondered if she would actually keep her promise to him about being there when he needed her. He never thought he would ever need her, but he did. It was frightening. He had never seen her abilities, although from what he had heard at Death Eater gatherings, she was a mighty force to be reckoned with. She fought with a ferocity that surpassed even Bellatrix, though without the insanity. She was harnessed, in control of her power, but her weakness, Snape knew and kept close to him, was her inability to grasp the disciplines of Occlumency. It was so vital she learn so she could aid him, but she just did not have the ability. He had to take her as she was. He was still determined to help the Order and to watch over Potter and the children at Hogwarts...once the deed was done. He just hoped that the love Alissa professed could withstand what he had vowed to do.

After another meeting with the Dark Lord, he met Dumbledore outside the Apparition point. He was weary and exhausted.

"Severus, what are you saying?"

"I'm saying, Albus, that I'm bloody well tired and want this to be done and over with! I never wanted to agree to this in the first place. Every day the tension becomes more and more unbearable. I just don't want to do this anymore!" he said loudly.

"You are overwrought," assessed Dumbledore. "It's natural to feel apprehensive and nervous. I am aware of how much you risk every day."

"Damn it, Albus! I'm overworked and weary of it all! You're out there doing God knows what, and I'm here playing nursemaid to that arrogant brat!" he seethed.

"You made vows, Severus! You will stick to your word. I understand your need to blow off steam, but do not forget that I took you in when you were destitute. The Order needs you and Draco needs you. So, just do it! And as for my whereabouts and whomever I decide to have accompany me, that is none of your concern! Your concern is to keep making investigations into your house about this necklace business. Have you made any headway?"

"No," Snape answered softly, put off by the ferocity of his normally mild-mannered master. "But you and I both know that Draco is behind all of this. I just can't prove it."

"Then do it!" snapped Dumbledore. "I want you to stop your grousing and get back to your duties."

When they parted ways, Severus could not feel the overwhelming sense that he was just being manipulated and used.

***

Snape stepped into Grimmauld Place for the latest Order Meeting. He was tired and ready to drop from sheer exhaustion. He came straight from meeting with the Death Eaters. He already knew what the Daily Prophet had recently reported: the abduction of Octavius Pepper and the arrest of a young boy, Samuel Baker, who had tried to murder his parents via the Imperius Curse. The Dark Lord had been furious at the Death Eaters who had performed the curse on the young boy.

Severus had stood in the sacred circle around the Throne and had been grateful he had stood on the side nearest the Dark Lord so he could view those who were far back in the room. He had tried to look for Alissa, but it was only when she had been called forward by name and delivered her report that Severus knew for sure she had been alright all this time. He had not looked at her during her report. It would not have done her or himself any favors by drawing attention to themselves. He did, though, listen to her version of the events surrounding the execution of Pepper. The Ministry and the Daily Prophet had not uncovered the history between Gregorovitch and Pepper. When Pepper had proved unable to provide information as to the whereabouts of the old wandmaker of Eastern Europe after his mind was drained past the point of recovery, Alissa had executed him and disposed of his body. The Dark Lord had been frustrated about their lack of progress, but what had angered him further had been the second incident executed by Avery and Macnair.

Alissa had been blatant in her intent when she had spoken to the Dark Lord about the incident.

"My Lord, I have worked with these wizards," she had sneered, her voice dripping with contempt, "on your orders. I have never shirked, nor have I ever backed away from an assignment. I do feel confident that I have gained a small amount of trust after my old mentor, Igor Karkaroff, and I disappointed you so much. I had a plan, a solid plan, to approach the Baker couple to have them interrogated on their knowledge of Gregorovitch. The three of us agreed to the plan, and I was in the process of our preparations when Avery and Macnair went behind by back and approached, not the targets, but the six-year-old grandson! My Lord, I cannot tell you how much restraint I placed upon myself to not kill them on sight. However, the Aurors were circling, and we had to leave and secure our position. I do realize you are very angry and ought to be angry with us. I await your punishment, Master."

She had then kissed the hem of the Dark Lord's robe and bowed backwards from the sacred circle.

Avery and Macnair had been given ample time to explain themselves, which they did with all the subtly of a rabid kneazle! It had been a fearful punishment to behold, and the Dark Lord's vengeance on the two wizards had been awesome. He had then pardoned Alissa and urged her to pick a new group to assist her on her task: finding Gregorovitch immediately.

So, the Order Meeting consisted of these facts. "Ivette" was still on the "hunt" with a new group of Death Eaters at her command, though her time was running out. As Snape predicted, her stock was rising and the Dark Lord was becoming more and more impressed with her methods and efficiency in killing. There was so much more he wished he could say: that he was very soon going to have to murder his best friend and father-figure and go into hiding. He wished he could let the others know that he was truly not their enemy, that he was just going deep undercover for their own protection and for the children of Hogwarts. He took much relief in the fact that Alissa was still out there, trying to do her part in holding off the Dark Lord from Gregorovitch until she received the signal from Dumbledore that she could go ahead and locate him. Unfortunately, when she did locate him, he would have to be executed, but such are the fortunes of war.

A/N: Up next: Severus asks Alissa to come back and stay with him. Thanks again to my beta, MadBrilliant. Please review!