You Were The Only One I’ve Ever Known

She broke your heart

I'll Be Waiting by Lenny Kravitz

***

After Snape's angry exit, Moody and Lupin looked at Alissa with regard.

"You were communicating non-verbally," Moody stated gruffly.

"Yes," Alissa answered matter-of-factly.

"How did you do that?" asked Minerva.

"It is a off-shoot of Legilimency called 'Mentis Oratio,'" explained Moody. "It means 'Mind Speech'. I assume you being a dark arts professor, you are skilled in both Legilimency and Occlumency?" he asked pointedly.

"I am an adequate Legilimens. I do excel with Mentis Oratio, but I am a terrible Occlumens," she admitted.

"That could prove to be very difficult for everyone involved," said Lupin cautiously.

"Quite. I am able to blank out my mind, but that just proves I am adept at hiding potentially important information, thus placing myself into harm's way through torture if discovered. However, I make it a point to never place myself in a position to be Legilimised. I obey the Dark Lord without hesitation, and I never ask questions. So far, I have been able to stay under his radar. I also make sure my lies always are as close to the truth as possible. It is easier that way. But do not fear, I shall continue to work on my Occlumency."

Lupin, who was more in tune with Snape than the Potions master would like to admit, asked delicately, "Is there something we need to know about you and Severus?"

"No," said Alissa honestly. In her mind, it was no one's business she and Severus had been lovers.

Dumbledore intervened. "Alissa and Severus will not be working together; rather they shall be working in Tom's separate circles while garnering information for the Order. Two are better than one, and if one is able to independently corroborate the information of the other, then all the more accurately can we plan to finally thwart Tom."

Moody sat back in his seat and assessed the young Death Eater. "How you survived with Igor Karkaroff all these years is a feat in itself," he said darkly.

Alissa looked into the old Auror's eyes. "It was a challenge on many fronts. But I learned a bit about Defense before I ever set foot in Durmstrang," she offered.

"Who was your teacher?" Lupin asked.

"Severus." She laughed at the reaction of the men in front of her. "Actually, according to Severus, I learned a great deal from his hexes off Potter's backside," she said with a bite to her voice.

Lupin shook his head in disgust. "That sounds like something Severus would say," he said sadly.

"Well, it is neither here nor there," she said, brushing it off. "I was an eager learner and was just smart enough to stay a half-step ahead of Igor. He wanted to make me his mistress, but I was able to thwart him at every turn. It was an exhausting five years before I was able to fend for myself without fear. Igor is a very lazy wizard."

"What of Viktor Krum?" asked Dumbledore. "We have always wondered about his true allegiances."

Alissa sighed as she slammed back the rest of her liquor. "Well, I know that Viktor was very interested in your Hermione Granger."

The others nodded in agreement.

Alissa thought for a moment, resting her head on the headrest of her chair. She crossed her legs painfully and tapped her index finger on her armrest.

"Encourage Miss Granger to keep up her correspondence with Mr. Krum. Let me know at the slightest hint of his asking about my whereabouts. If he wants to know where I am, you have cause to worry. If he does not, we may have ourselves a liaison. It will take time to come to a decision if he holds out on asking. As it is, none of you shall be able to contact me, but as I said, I shall contact Albus as I am able. I must remain under the radar of the Ministry and of any other Order Members if this is to work properly."

She stood stiffly and put on her heavy robes, now toasty and dry thanks to Minerva.

"Please encourage Severus to be a bit more cooperative during our next meeting. I realize how difficult his personality is, but when he applies himself, he can be quite charming. Do remind him of that. Good night."

After she had left, the remaining four looked at one another. Minerva narrowed her eyes and said, "Well, Albus, why don't you tell us what the devil is going on with Severus and Alissa?"

"Ah, Minerva, that would not be correct of me. Nor would it be fair to their privacy. For now, let us enjoy the fact we have two spies working for the Order. Perhaps, for now, it is best they do not desire to be in one another's company."

***

June, 1996

It was becoming a tedious life. Teaching during the day, spying at night. It was pure hell. Alissa Devon had not been seen by any of the Order other than Dumbledore. She had given herself the code name of "Ivette" which meant "yew tree". Only Dumbledore and Snape understood the significance of the yew tree, and it remained a solid alias for Alissa Devon whenever her information was spoken of at Order meetings.

True to her wishes, Severus and Alissa did not see each other for quite a long time. Yet, she was there, the evidences of her expertise always around. Only Dumbledore seemed to know her whereabouts and missions. Yet, Snape had his suspicions. The battle at the Department of Mysteries should have left every single child that followed Potter there dead. He knew she had to have been there, deflecting, sparring, doing whatever she could do to minimize the damage without getting caught by either side. She was truly becoming more of a ghost than a real person anymore. He knew of her exploits through her eyes in her Death Eater mask whenever the Dark Lord permitted him in remain while she gave her reports. He heard the reports, brief as they were, and orders given that were accepted without question. She never dared to look at him while he could freely watch her without suspicion.

When Snape heard Alissa deliver her report of Ms. Vance's assassination and the abduction/murder of Florean Fortescue to the Dark Lord, he was alarmed with the speed and efficiency of her delivery. Snape wondered at times if the Dark Lord had his own personal "Angel of Death" at his beck and call. There were times he swore he saw her among the outskirts of one of the meetings, but being outside of the inner circle, she would never be allowed to venture forward without direct permission from the Dark Lord himself.

The weeks after the battle at the Department of Ministries, when the Prophecy had been destroyed and many Death Eaters, including Lucius Malfoy, were sent to Azkaban, were bloody ones. There were numerous deaths. Witches and Wizards were fleeing the country. Diagon Alley was becoming a shell of its former identity of a warm, busy shopping community. Alissa was a part of the terror being spread. Snape wondered how she was handling all this death and destruction psychologically. Would she crack under the pressure and give up her post? Would she always be trustworthy? Snape had many reservations.

When twelve Muggles died in the Brockdale Bridge accident, Snape knew Alissa had been involved. When Amelia Bones, the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement was found brutally murdered, he knew that Alissa had been sent to carry out that specific mission on the claim to spread the rumor that Voldemort himself had committed the murder himself.

But it was the murder of Emmaline Vance that hit the Order the hardest. She had been a part of the Advance Guard with Tonks, Moody, and Kingsley. The Dark Lord demanded an Order member executed to send a message. It had been a choice pressed upon Severus, and it grieved him to do it. He gave the recommendation since the location of her personal residence was on Downing Street. There could be no better message than to have an Order member killed right under the Muggle Prime Minister's nose. The Dark Lord loved it. Alissa and a couple of younger Death Eaters were summoned by Voldemort, and her name was revealed in front of Snape. She received her orders and took her group of Death Eaters with her and killed Vance with alarming speed. The Dark Lord's stock and faith in Miss Devon was climbing. It was going to be more imperative than ever that their past relationship never be revealed.

***

It had been during the fall of 1995 that Dumbledore first met with the Order and told them of the existence of "Ivette." All the Order knew was that "Ivette" was working deep undercover and was making incredible process with her network of information. In various private meetings with only Lupin, Minerva, Dumbledore, and Snape, Dumbledore continued to give more concrete information about Ollivander being held at Malfoy Manor, confirmation of Draco Malfoy's taking of the Dark Mark, and also a highly classified mission to search for the whereabouts of the old Eastern European wandmaker, Gregorovitch.

"Ivette is becoming increasingly concerned about her search for Gregorovitch. She believes it will be dangerous to apprehend him, for she knows, as we all do, that he does not possess the Elder Wand. Yet, she will go because Tom commands her to do so. She is still under the careful eye of so many. She has reported the same information that Severus brought to us last week about the continued search for the Hallows. We must NEVER allow Tom to know we are nearing the possession of all three until we finally are. Then he will come to us. I fear the worst, though, is inevitable. The Final Battle shall be here at Hogwarts. Plus I believe, just as Miss Devon does, Tom wants to control the Wizarding World from Hogwarts: for this is where he feels the Old Magic is strong enough to protect him. Tom can set up anyone as a Ministry puppet, but it is the Ancient Magic that lives in these walls that calls to him," he said sadly.

"When, Albus?" asked Moody.

"It will not be until at least the end the second term of this coming year. There will be an attack, but on a smaller scale. It will not be the Final Battle, yet we must prepare for this...I shall be working closely with Mr. Potter this year to educate him and try to help him make sense of the chaos that will spring from the outcome of this confrontation!"

***

July 1st, 1996

Alissa Apparated to the Hogwarts boundary line with a resounding crack that signaled her presence. Her face was gaunt and her hair insanely wild, as were her eyes. She stumbled her way towards the castle and was met by Hagrid, who was out for his nightly patrol. He saw her collapse, collected her, and took her to Madam Pomfrey immediately.

Dumbledore and Snape tore into the infirmary, demanding to know what was going on.

"The woman has been beaten badly. Whipped within an inch of her life, reopening old scars on her back. She has been hung by manacles from a stone wall, no doubt, from the looks of her wrists. She was barely lucid when Hagrid brought her in, stumbling around in the dark after Apparating from Heaven knows where...could have splinched herself!" scolded Poppy.

Snape stayed on and helped Poppy to repair the damage to her back. She had been whipped severely. There was extensive scar tissue on her back, just as Moody had reported seeing. The recent whipping had only exacerbated the older wounds. Snape stayed with her until she regained consciousness.

A dark eye wearily opened, and she groaned as she tried to lift herself up. Snape touched her arm and ordered her back down.

"You have no covering on, Miss Devon. Be still!" he chided.

She laughed weakly.

"Nothing you haven't seen and enjoyed, Severus," she said bitterly.

Snape blushed and shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

"I'd rather not reminisce, at this time, if you don't mind," he spat angrily.

"Why are you so angry with me, Severus? As I recall, it was you who ejected me from your bed. Is this pity?" she pressed. "Guilt?"

Severus closed his eyes and gathered his composure. "Tell me what message you have been sent with, Alissa. You and I both know the Dark Lord does not send damaged people without some verbal warning."

"Too right you are, Severus," she replied wearily. "I think it is best you and I are alone for this one. Because it is quite the earful," she said wryly. "If you would?"

Snape cast a Silencing Spell around them and settled back, waiting for her news.

"I'm growing impatient, Alissa!" he growled.

"Fine!" she ground out painfully. "It's Pettigrew. Everyone is scrambling around trying to cover their collective arses. Lucius fucked up, if you didn't already know. The Dark Lord has continued raging since so many of his precious Death Eaters had been rounded up and sent to Azkaban. It's selling out time, Severus, and you bloody well know it. If you've got information to save your worthless hide, now is the time to divulge. Pettigrew had such information," she ended ruefully.

"What information?" he breathed.

She looked at him with a knowing look.

"FUCK!" he whispered angrily.

"Precisely," Alissa retorted.

"Severus, I'm here to inform you that the Dark Lord is not happy with you. At all! You will be spending the remainder of your summer at Spinner's End, but with the little rat as a house guest. As for me, as soon as I am fit for work, I have a job to do," she said cryptically.

Severus looked at her harshly. "Who?" he asked.

"The Dark Lord knows where Igor is. I am to relieve him of his existence."

Snape knew why Alissa was being sent. It was to be her very first solo kill. She passed the Dark Lord's test with flying colors as an efficient assassin. But this latest deception could have cost her everything. She had better dispose of Karkaroff efficiently and to the Dark Lord's liking. The realization weighed heavily upon Severus Snape.

Alissa shifted onto her side and covered her breasts with her arm. If she had not been so ill, Snape would have found her beauty to be more than he could bear. She was still a lovely woman, no matter what the Dark Lord had done to her. It was amazing that she was still so sane and focused; women usually could not do the things she had to do without going mad. The only woman he knew who was ever able to do it was Bellatrix, and it took Azkaban to break her. But, now that he thought of it, she never had been completely right in the head.

"Severus, I'm going to be honest with you. You are going to keep doing what is required and so shall I. I warned you before; there will be deaths and disappearances. No matter how bad it gets, know that I shall carry out my duties and support your information. You have lost some footing with the Dark Lord now because of Pettigrew's big mouth, but Lucius' cock-up at the Ministry has lessened the blow. I shall help you to keep your standing, but I can't do it alone. You must trust me and be honest. I need to know what plans the Dark Lord gives you so I can be of assistance."

Severus rubbed his eyes. He finally looked at her with anger and frustration in his eyes.

"You think this will endear you to me?" he hissed. "Do you think I will love you because you will work as a personal assassin for the information I hand over to the Dark Lord? If that's what you think, you are insane!"

Alissa retaliated viciously. "When have I ever, ever asked for your love? Have I ever demanded it? You are an ungrateful wretch, you know that? I do what I must for my own-self preservation now. What's ironic is that it seems looking out for your pathetic arse is the only thing that can save mine! So just save your snarky attitude for your students and the whores you frequent. Even in this wretched state, I could hex you into next week, you bloody arrogant tosser!"

He sneered at her. 'So, no more declarations of love? Do I dare hope you've been cured of your fixation on me?"

She looked him full in the face and spoke without blinking. "You are so self-absorbed you haven't even realized I have been there all along since my return from Durmstrang. I've just not bothered to wait for your call. Who do you think stopped the Dark Lord from killing you the night of his rebirth? While you were plotting here with Dumbledore keeping the Dark Lord waiting two hours before coming to his side, I was already in Lucius' dungeon being tortured! Why do you think you were let off so easy when it was here that Igor 'done a bunk'? Who convinced them all that I had nothing to do with you, and that you and Igor had never worked together to thwart the Dark Lord from assuming his human form? Or, for that matter, Potter slipping out of his hands! You can just thank your lucky stars it happened to be the truth. I'm not that great of a liar! But I took the beatings anyway...just for good measure!"

"Who do you think took this beating for you tonight? Me, that's who! Peter only told the Dark Lord that you and I had a friendship and that I had had a little schoolgirl crush on you. It was only after he ripped my mind open that he saw we had been lovers. Thank God he didn't want to go any further and turned me over to his interrogators! I told the interrogators you wanted to tell the Dark Lord, but I made you take a Wizard's Oath with me long ago to never reveal our relationship because I didn't want Dumbledore to kick me out of school for sleeping with my Potions teacher, and you didn't want to lose your job! I told the Dark Lord I would take your punishment and my own. It was only yet again a stroke of luck that the Dark Lord himself did not interrogate me. I never would have lasted if he had entered my mind like that again. I'm still a pathetic Occlumens!"

He froze in shock. He had not expected all of that. He felt foolish and small, and he hated feeling that way. He hated that she was always so honest and true to her feelings for him. It was true, she had never asked for his love. He recovered his poise and said quietly, averting his gaze from her, "Do you recall the day you came to my office and I spoke to you about the promise I had made about training you in Defense?"

"Yes," she answered, her curiosity piqued.

"I was so sad to see you so eager to take on the Dark Arts. I did not want you to go down the path I did. It seems I am just as helpless to detour you now as I was then."

Finally he turned and fixed his eyes on her. "Why, Alissa? Why of all the wizards you've known and must have met over the years, why me? I showed you some kindness when you were a child, when I was barely out of my own childhood! Why?"

She looked at him so helpless in her condition, her mangled back exposed, and her eyes were so large and full of love, it was almost too much for him to look upon.

"Kindness was hard to come by, Severus. Remember? Boys don't like pale, black-haired girls who look like vampires."

He gave a snort. "And when you grew up? Was it because I was your first?"

"No," she whispered. "It was the moment you stumbled upon me in the Forest when I was twelve. You helped me with the basic dueling steps. You placed your hand over mine and I felt something the instant your hand covered mine that I have never felt before or since, except when I was in your arms."

Severus felt he had been stabbed in the heart. He took a step towards her, knelt down to be level with her face, and traced her jawline with one long finger. "I remember the first time I took you in my bed," he whispered. "I remember thinking after I finally was fully inside you how warm, soft, and unyielding you were. I could barely move. You clenched me so tight within you. You have not changed."

"Can I help it if my heart chose you?"

"You live in this madness, day in and day out, yet you hold on to a moment from when you were twelve and decided that's it? You and I do not have the luxury of such frivolity!"

She laughed. "You are the only person I know who hypocritically would call love as only "luxurious frivolity," yet you are no different than I! You still carry a torch for a woman who has been dead these fifteen years. She never told you she loved you or gave her promise of fidelity to you. And you have the audacity to use the involuntary vaginal spasms of a virgin being penetrated for the first time as a metaphor for my feelings for you? Please do not insult me as I lie here bearing the trophies of a job done well in the 'real world' that you and I live in!" she snapped angrily.

He winced at her words. She was ruthless and cutthroat, but no more than he had been.

"You are a Half-Blood, do you know anything about Muggle films?" she asked abruptly.

Snape regained his detachment. "Yes, I've seen some on the telly we had when I was a child," he said impatiently. "I do hope there is a point to this?"

"It's just, I'm reminded of a scene in the film, 'Gone with the Wind.' Have you ever seen it?"

"No," he said even more impatiently.

"I saw it in a 'movie theater.' I loved going to see old Muggle films, and I never forgot watching that one," she said in a far-off voice.

"Well, there is this man and this woman. They both know the world as they know it is falling apart at the seams. He is positive they won't be able to survive all the radical changes that will come once their world is eradicated. He's scared there will be no place for him to fit in it. She isn't considered much, according to the heroine at least. But just before all hell breaks lose and the War begins, she says to this man that she loves, 'No war can come into our world. I'll love you, just as I do know, until I die.'"

"I know you believe it, Severus. No matter what has happened these past fifteen years, nothing has come into the world in which you lived with Lily and destroyed it. Those days are as fresh and perfect in your memory now as if it were just yesterday. Maybe that's because she's not flesh and blood anymore. Nothing can ruin the perfect image you've held onto. But I know you are real and alive, and so am I. And it is what it is. I can't help it, Severus! I just love you, and no war is going to change it. Nothing will change it except if I decide to change it. That is the beauty of love. You can't earn love, you can't buy love, and you can't manipulate love. And I have never asked for your love. But is it too much to ask for a little respect?"

The scowl vanished from Severus' face as he looked into her huge dark eyes that were so full of love...for him...and saw the sadness in them. It was all true, and he finally realized how earnest she was in her declaration. He turned quickly on his heel and walked out of the infirmary. The tears began to flow. It was a good thing no one was in the hallway to see him cry.

***

A/N: Thanks to my beta, MadBrilliant, and to all who have reviewed. Please continue to review! I love each and every one!

Up next: More Order meetings and secret missions, plus a juicy lemon for those who were wondering :)