Vanishing, Faded Photograph

My eternal gratitude goes out to my two betas, JENGEORGE and NervousAboutAngels, as well as the staff here at The Petulant Poetess, for all of their hard work in sorting out my nightmarish grammar mistakes. I'm hopeless. They are patient above and beyond the call. Many thanks.

This story is based on the Harry Potter Book Series by J. K. Rowling. The characters and places are hers. I make no money from the sharing of my fantasies from her universe.

Chapter 25

"Vanishing, Faded Photograph,

Sends Snape Down a Dark Path"

Just after the Carrows' hasty exit, Winky popped in with a request from Sienna for a deep sleeping draught. Severus already had plenty on hand and supplied Winky with the necessary dose. "How's it going?" he asked tentatively.

"Mrs. Snape, ma'am has made significant progress with Professor McGonagall, Headmaster Snape, sir. She should make a full recovery."

"Oh, thank Merlin." He sighed with relief. "This should keep her asleep for about three days while she regains her strength." He handed Winky the potion to take to Sienna.

That night, Severus, Sienna and Winky haunted the hospital ward and did what they could for the injured students. Sienna had taken Polyjuice Potion to pass for Madam Pomfrey as usual. None of the students had life-threatening injuries, however, so they finished after only a couple of hours.

When the newlyweds hit the bed for the first time in their new home, they were both so exhausted that romance was the farthest thing from their minds. Severus remembered Dumbledore's words of wisdom, however, and he summoned the energy to wrap his arms around her. She draped herself over his chest and gave him a soft, supple kiss.

"I love you so much," he whispered.

"I love you, too."

Sleep overtook them both in a matter of moments.

Winky was given the job of watching over Professor McGonagall while Severus and Sienna fell into the new school/married life routine. She spent a couple of hours each day in meditation and most of the rest of the day mixing the potions that Madam Pomfrey needed in the hospital ward.

As the rash of detentions subsided, Sienna and Severus found more time to enjoy each others' company. They even scraped together enough spare time to try out the two-person whirlpool tub in the secret bath. They would usually take morning coffee together before Severus went to breakfast. As much as he wanted to stay with her, they both knew how important it was to keep up appearances. But he could usually find some excuse to disappear and join her at lunch time. Once in a great while, he would feign a churning stomach and also spend the evening with her for dinner. Winky was always happy to bring them their meals in the secret room.

One night, Hagrid burst into the headmaster's office, alarmed about some dangerous creature who had escaped into the forest. Severus just barely made it from the secret room to his quarters before Hagrid opened his sitting room door. After that, he realized that he needed another layer of protection and asked the secret room to put an exit from it to his private bath. That way if he didn't make it back in time, he would appear to be coming out of the bathroom.

Professor McGonagall awoke on the third day and asked Winky to fetch Severus and Sienna. The three of them popped back into her room, smiling as they witnessed her recovery.

"So I didn't dream all of this?" McGonagall asked hopefully.

"No, Professor. I'm still alive, Severus and I really did get married, and he is truly on the side of good in this war." Sienna beamed at her.

"Which leads me to the unfortunate task of removing your memory of the past few days," Severus added matter-of-factly.

"Oh, please don't. I'll keep your secret, I swear. I won't tell a soul."

Severus looked at her with sympathetic eyes. "I'm afraid that if you were captured by the Dark Lord, he would tear into your memories like a piranha. What's left wouldn't be fit for St. Mungo's' long term ward. And my life, as well as Sienna's, would be toast."

She reached for Severus' left hand and felt the ring that she could no longer see. Then she looked remorsefully into his coal-black eyes. "But I don't want to start hating you again."

He closed his eyes and shook his head. He didn't want that any more than she did. But he knew that he had no choice. "It's alright, I'm used to it... a small price to pay for our safety." He looked sideways at Sienna and his lip curled.

"Then let me apologize in advance for anything cruel that I say or do to you until this war is over and you can remind me of the truth again."

"Apology accepted." His lip curled even more. "The last thing that you will remember is getting hit with the Cruciatus Curse." He glanced again at Sienna. "You two better get out of here."

With a nod and a pop they were gone.

"I knew in my heart that Dumbledore's faith in you was not misplaced. I only wish he had told me what to expect."

"If you had known the truth, it would only have put you in more danger. Besides, this way it's much more convincing. He and I both knew that the people here had to hate me to make it seem real. It was the only way."

"Even Harry Potter?"

Severus snorted. "Especially Potter."

He lifted his wand and uttered the complicated incantation to erase only the last three days of her memory. Her eyes fluttered, and when she opened them, she viewed the man before her with contempt once again.

"What are you doing here? You and your goons have ruined this school!"

"I was just checking on you. My 'goons,' as you refer to them, really did a number on you. And even though it wouldn't break my heart to see you gone," he lied, "replacing you would mean a mountain of paperwork that I don't need right now."

"Get out! If I need looking after, I'll send for Poppy!"

Severus let out a heavy sigh. The look he gave her was of joy and sadness mixed together. He was of course happy that the spell had worked, but sad that his old friend could so easily send such loathing thoughts in his direction.

McGonagall's scowl showed hints of curiosity as he let himself out the door in silence.

For the next few weeks, things finally seemed to be settling into something that resembled normality. With no new detentions to worry about, Severus felt almost relaxed for the first time since school started. His private time with Sienna filled his heart with joy, and every morning at breakfast just the hint of a smile would play around his face. He was happy for the first time in his life. His happiness must have shown in other ways, too, although he was not aware of any outward change in his behavior.

"What's gotten into you lately, Severus?" asked McGonagall one day as they passed in the halls.

He turned towards her, eyebrows raised.

"You seem so happy lately."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Was it that obvious?

"I haven't seen this much bounce in your step since that Muggle Studies teacher took an interest in you a few years back. What was her name again?"

"I don't recall," he lied. He decided it best to throw her off a bit. "Perhaps it's the anticipation of trying the torturously painful new dark curse that I came up with over the weekend on the next errant student foolish enough to land in detention." He planted an evil glint into his eyes.

"Humph!" Her lids narrowed at him suspiciously.

His lip curled as he watched her turn and stalk down the hall.

*****

Before Severus knew it, November's cold winds and rain had overtaken the castle. The house-elves worked day and night to keep the fires stoked so people wouldn't freeze. And people were starting to catch the usual rash of colds that worked their way from person to person when the damp and chilling weather lowered everyone's resistance. Even witches and wizards caught colds, and although their remedies seemed to work better than the Muggle ones, no Healer or Potions master had ever found a cure for the common cold.

Try as he might to keep away from the sick and to avoid being sneezed upon, or even breathed upon, by others, Severus finally succumbed to the inevitable and joined the ranks of people in need of a cold remedy. But instead of Madam Pomfrey, he turned to Sienna for help. She brewed him up a sinus potion and a cough potion. She even tried her hands-on technique to soothe his aching throat. But the pain and suffering always returned by morning. He had taken to sleeping in his own quarters in the hopes of keeping her healthy, but she continuously reassured him that she didn't get sick and finally convinced him that if he would come back to sleep beside her he would recover faster.

So finally, with Sienna at his side to soak up and alleviate some of his misery, he got a decent night's sleep. When he woke up the next morning relaxed and refreshed, Severus showered and began to get dressed. But as he reached for his robes, he noticed they weren't quite the way he had left them the night before. He lifted them carefully from the hook behind the door and put them on as usual. But something felt different. As he took a deep breath he realized that they also smelled different. They had been cleaned! He instantly reached into his inside left pocket and pulled out the letter with Lily's love written at the end, but the photo was missing. He checked the right pocket... empty. He checked all of his other pockets, but they also came up with nothing.

"WINKY!"

She appeared immediately before him and took a deep bow, "Winky at your..."

"Did you take my robes to be cleaned overnight?" he cut across her shortly.

"Why, yes, Headmaster Snape, sir, but Winky put them back right where Headmaster Snape sir keeps them, sir."

"Why? Why did you take the robes without asking?" He glared at her angrily, his eyes boring into hers, which were growing wider and more frightened by the second.

Winky began to tremble. "Mrs. Snape asked Winky to take the robes, sir. Headmaster had already retired for the evening. She didn't think Headmaster would miss them, sir. Winky had them back in their proper place by morning, Headmaster Snape, sir."

The flood of anger abated slightly as Severus realized that Winky had been acting under his wife's orders. He stood tall and took a deep breath, trying to regain his composure.

"I apologize, Winky, for my outburst. When you took the robes for cleaning, did you by chance turn out the pockets?"

"Yes, Headmaster Snape, sir, that is standard procedure for all garments that are brought to the laundry."

"And what did you find?"

"Nothing, Headmaster Snape, sir."

His anger began to build again, but this time it was aimed elsewhere. He tried to contain himself as he continued to interrogate the elf. "And where, pray tell, is my wife?"

"Winky transported her to a cliff on the far side of the Lake this morning to meditate, Headmaster Snape, sir."

"Well, GO FETCH HER!!" he could control himself no longer.

"Yes, Headmaster Snape, sir," she began to shake again from his harsh tone.

"NOW!!"

With a quick bow and a pop, she was gone. She returned in only a few moments with Sienna in tow. Upon their arrival in the secret room, Severus told Winky curtly that she could go and turned to Sienna, fuming.

"Why did you send my robes out to be cleaned without asking me first?" he asked quietly through gritted teeth.

"You'd been wearing them since the wedding. I know they're black, but still, they get dirty, and with you getting sick and all, I thought it would be a good idea, for sanitation reasons, if nothing else." Her voice remained calm and steady even though she could tell he was about to blow. "I thought, as long as they were back by the time you woke up, there wouldn't be a problem."

"Well there IS!" he growled, as his stormy black eyes bore into hers. His face became red with rage. "Where is the photograph?"

"Photograph?" she looked completely bewildered.

"Yes, there was a photo in the left pocket – a torn photo with the letter." He reached in and pulled out the letter, waving it frantically in her face. "Lily's letter and photo. It was the ONLY photo of her I had. The ONLY one!" he ranted as he stuffed the letter back in his pocket.

Sienna continued to look clueless as his temper completely abandoned him.

"I can't believe it. I've lived my entire life alone – I can take care of myself. I can decide when and IF I need something laundered!"

Sienna stood silently as he raged at her, making no attempt to stop him or defend her actions. Her apparent apathy pushed his blood to the boiling point.

"The ONLY photograph I had – I went decades with nothing to remember her by but her son's angry eyes and my dreams. Then I finally find one after years of searching... and YOU MADE SURE IT DISINTEGRATED IN THE LAUNDRY!!!" He put his bare hands up to her throat as she glared back at him in disbelief. But he didn't hurt her; he didn't even touch her. Instead, Severus let out one long, agonizing scream and then turned on his heel and swept from the room. He stomped through his office, ignoring Dumbledore's questions, bounded down the spiral staircase and out the front door. The biting wind whipped through the bare trees, twisting them and making them groan under the strain. He stalked along the shore of the Lake, knowing that, at some point, the sheer cliffs would make it impassable. He just had to get as far away from her as possible without Disapparating. Somehow, the physical exertion and the whipping wind helped to cool his temper.

By the time Severus had calmed down enough to return to the castle, his feet ached, so he headed to the hospital wing for some ointment. He quickly checked on Madam Pomfrey's stores and made a mental note as to what she was about to run out of. By then it was dinner time, so he headed for the great hall, but found, after only a few bites, that he had little appetite.

He still felt incredibly angry however, so he decided that when he returned, he would keep to himself in his own quarters, and if she bothered him, he would simply go into his office and close the door.

But when he arrived in his quarters, all was quiet. The secret room was dark and still. He stepped in and lit the lamps, searching for signs of Sienna, but she was nowhere. In fact, all of her belongings were also missing. He began to frantically search the dresser drawers, the bathroom – nothing. She had taken everything she owned. His heart lept up to his throat when he realized she was gone.

With lead weights for feet, he walked slowly over to their bed and sat down in a slump. As he did so, he noticed a small box lying on his pillow. It had not been there this morning. In fact, he had never seen it before. He opened it carefully. Inside was an envelope. When he lifted up the envelope, he uncovered a locket. It was slightly smaller and flatter than the one Dumbledore had given her, but the "S" design was the same. He pushed the button, and it popped open to reveal the missing photo of Lily, laughing and smiling as always.

Severus gasped – first with delight, then with horror. The things he had said... the way he had acted... How could she ever forgive him?

Sienna's graceful handwriting adorned the envelope with his name. He was afraid to open it, but he knew that he must...

My Dearest Severus,

I had hoped to surprise you with this for Christmas, but after this morning I realized that you could live without me much easier than you could live without a mere photograph of her.

In relationships there is always one person who loves more than the other. I assumed it would be me in ours, and I didn't mind that. But now, I know that I don't share your heart with Lily. She owns all of it.

I had originally taken the photo of her in the hope of putting her on one side and myself on the other, but this morning I removed my own photo. I couldn't help but feel that you never wanted to see me again.

So it is with deep regret that I leave you now with your only true love. I sincerely hope you can find happiness with her, at least in your dreams.

I will always love you.

Yours Forever,

Sienna

Severus sat stunned on the side of their bed. He stared at the photo of Lily, smiling and laughing, not a care in the world. For the first time in his life, he gained no comfort from thoughts of Lily. Her image brought him only sorrow. He closed the locket in disgust – not for Lily, but for himself. He then put it back in the box and reached into his pocket for her letter. He folded it to also fit in the box. Then he angrily stuffed it all into the top dresser drawer. He finally replaced Lily's letter with Sienna's in his left robe pocket.

"Winky!" He tried to hold his voice steady.

She appeared before him, looking bedraggled. When she took her usual bow, she stumbled forward, almost falling into his legs.

"Winky, what's wrong with you?" he asked, genuinely concerned. "Look at me!" he added sternly when she didn't meet his gaze.

Her tennis-ball eyes finally looked up. They were blood-shot and swollen from crying. She hiccupped!

"Winky, have you been drinking?"

"Mrs. Snape is GONE – and it's ALL WINKY'S FAULT!!" She wailed inconsolably then fell to the floor and began to hit her head against it as her sobs and wails grew to an alarming level.

"Winky, STOP! He commanded. "It's not your fault... it's MINE!"

Winky stopped beating her head on the floor, and her cries began to subside as she slowly looked up. "Not Winky's fault? But Winky took Mrs. Snape back to the cliff where she could Disapparate."

"But she Disapparated to get away from me, not you. You only did what you were told."

"But Winky took the robes to be laundered. Winky lost the photograph."

"It isn't lost. Sienna took it. You didn't do anything wrong – do you understand?"

"Winky understands, Headmaster Snape, sir," she acknowledged with another hiccup.

"And, I forbid you to get drunk any more. You may partake of the occasional butterbeer, if you like, but never to the point of inebriation – it hinders your ability to do your job." He glared at her sternly; he knew this advice was for her own good as well as his.

"Yes, Headmaster Snape, sir. Winky will never get drunk again. Winky will give up butterbeer, Headmaster Snape, sir."

"You don't have to give it up, Winky, just – well, do what you think is best, but no more getting drunk!"

"Yes, Headmaster Snape, sir."

"When you took her back to the cliff, tell me exactly what she said and did – everything you can remember."

She nodded slowly. "Yes, Headmaster Snape, sir. Mrs. Snape hugged Winky very tightly and said, 'I love you.' No witch or wizard has ever said that to Winky before. It made Winky cry. Then she said Headmaster Snape didn't want her anymore so she had to leave. That made Winky cry harder."

With that statement, Winky began to sob again. Severus' eyes also began to well up as he shook his head in disbelief at his own cruel stupidity and selfishness. "And then what happened?" He choked on his own words.

"Then Mrs. Snape began to cry also. She asked Winky to look after Headmaster Snape, sir and take good care of sir for her."

"Did you just leave her up there?" he asked in alarm.

"Oh, no, Headmaster Snape, sir. Before Winky came back to the castle, Mrs. Snape said goodbye and Disapparated." She began to wail again.

Severus stood in stony silence, tears streaming down his own face. He finally decided that standing in a stupor would not get her back. He had no idea where she had gone, but he knew of one person that probably did.

He marched out of the secret room and headed straight for Dumbledore's portrait.

"Where is she?" he demanded to the old man, who was no doubt pretending to be asleep.

Dumbledore slowly opened one eye, then the other. He yawned leisurely and stretched his arms. "And to what do I owe this rude interruption?"

"She's bound to have talked to you since this morning. You know where she is – TELL ME!"

"Why, so you can go continue to yell and scream in her face like a lunatic?"

"No – so I can go apologize," he admitted sheepishly.

"It's too late for that, I'm afraid. This morning's performance was over the top – even for you."

"What did she tell you?"

"She didn't have to tell me anything. You were yelling so loud I heard every word quite clearly from right here."

Severus turned away in shame. Tears flowed in a steady stream down to the end of his long nose. He looked back up in desperation. "I know that you know where she is – tell me – please!"

"She asked me not to, and I shall honor her request." With that statement, Dumbledore stood up to leave.

"Tell her I'm sorry. Tell her I love her!" Severus cried to Dumbledore's rump as he exited for Sienna's locket. The words felt like one last gasp of air to a suffocating man. At that moment, he thought he might shrivel up and die if he couldn't get her back.

He sulked over to the secret room where Winky sat on the floor, still sniffling. She looked up at him with blood-shot, puffy eyes. He conjured them both a hanky.

"Dumbledore was no help at all." He thought for a moment. There was only one person beside Sienna who could see the remorse in his soul, who could and would help him find Sienna – Babaji.

"Take me to the ashram, Winky." She stood up and held his hand, and with a pop, they were gone.

They arrived in Sienna's quarters which were, of course, empty. Since she had Apparated, she would not have had time to get there. But somehow Severus felt that this was not her final destination. He told Winky to wait there, and he launched himself outside in search of Babaji.

He feared that the darkness would make his search difficult. But his instincts told him to keep his wand unlit and follow the glow. It led him to the temple, but no one was there. He decided to try Babaji's quarters. He fumbled his way to the cottage where he and Sienna had spent their wedding night and found only the mud hut in its place. But there was no one inside.

Perhaps Babaji is with Sienna wherever she is, he thought. Perhaps he is trying to talk some sense into her.

He made his way back to the temple and sat on one of the cushions. He didn't realize until that moment how emotionally drained and physically exhausted the day's events had left him. He pulled another cushion over next to the one he sat on and lay down. In only a few moments, he fell into a light REM sleep.

"Boy, you really screwed up ROYALLY this time!" came Lily's scolding voice.

Severus whipped around to face her. They stood on a high cliff, overlooking what might have been the Lake at Hogwarts, with the wind whipping around them. "What am I going to do? I've got to get her back somehow. I'll do anything."

"Sounds like a conversation you had once with Albus, on another windswept hill top."

"How do you know about that?" he asked with curious concern.

"There are certain advantages to being on this side. I can watch episodes from your past like a picture show if I want to."

"Interesting, but that doesn't help my current situation."

"Oh – you want my help?"

"That's why you're here, isn't it, to help me?"

"I haven't decided. This morning was bad – even for you!" She scowled at him.

His gaze dropped to the bare rocks around his feet as a stray dead leaf was carried past them by the wicked wind.

"It was just a picture – a PICTURE – for goodness sake. She's a flesh and blood woman! What's more important?"

"You know what that photo means to me! I thought it was destroyed!"

"SO WHAT?? It was a bloody piece of paper, Severus! I would have left you, too. Only I wouldn't have been so nice about it." She continued to glare at him. "In fact, I think I'll leave you now to lick your wounds and think about the mistakes you've made." Her image began to fade from view.

"But wait! Can't you at least help me find her?"

Lily's image dissolved into the swirling wind without giving him an answer. He felt even more forlorn now. He couldn't even get help in his dreams. Would Babaji also send him away empty-handed? All he could do was to wait and see. That thought comforted him very little as he drifted into a much deeper, dreamless, yet somehow restless sleep.

A few hours later, the pre-dawn light had just begun to peak over the horizon when Severus became vaguely aware that he was not alone. He opened his eyes and looked around, to find himself surrounded by the ashramites, all sitting on cushions with their eyes closed, still and quiet as stones. He searched the crowd in hope of finding Babaji at the head of the group, and he was not disappointed, but when he stood to approach the guru, a stern hand shot up immediately, indicating that their talk would have to wait.

Severus trudged with a heavy heart back to Sienna's quarters, where he found Winky asleep on the cushion. He thankfully took his place on the mattress that rested beneath the window on the floor and closed his eyes. But this time, worry filled his mind to the brim, and sleep could not enter. For what felt like hours, he lay there staring up at the ceiling, until finally, Babaji appeared at the door.

"Oh, thank Merlin," he jumped up. "Do you already know what has happened? Have you seen her?"

"I know," Babaji said simply, but the look he gave Severus was grave. "Come walk with me."

Severus gave Winky a half smile and shrugged as he followed Babaji out the door.

They walked in silence to the gazebo where the wedding had taken place only two short months before. The bench had returned and they both sat down.

"It worries me, Severus Snape, that I do not see you learning from your mistakes."

"What do you mean? I know what I did was terribly wrong. I couldn't be more sorry."

"I can see that your remorse is genuine, but many years ago you chose a path for materialistic gain and recognition – a path that put an end to your friendship with Lily Evans."

"One of the biggest mistakes of my life." He didn't need to ask Babaji how he knew that tidbit from his past. He remembered that Babaji had access to every event from his entire life.

"I realize that. But did you learn from it?"

"I think I did."

"Did you? You overheard a prophecy about a child – which child, you had no way of knowing. But once again in the hopes of being rewarded by your Lord Voldemort, you passed on that information, knowing full well that it might cost some poor, innocent child and his family their lives. It was only later, when you found out it was Lily's child, that you became remorseful."

Severus looked up at the Himalayas, so strong, devoid of frivolous emotions. Hadn't he felt one with those very mountains, just two months ago? He should have felt their strength, drawn from their ancient patience, instead of raging at the woman he loved over an old photograph. And to make it worse, Babaji could see a pattern in his dreadful, selfish behavior.

"I can see in your memories several instances since then when you judged a person based on his appearance or behavior and treated him with cruelty as a result, just as others have done to you. You have not yet learned to look beneath the surface."

Severus replayed some of the many events in his life that proved the truth of Babaji's accusation. Neville Longbottom, Hermione Granger, among many others... and of course, Harry Potter had been subjected to his verbal abuse on more occasions than he could count.

But cruelty had become part of his persona. The students expected it. Like a security blanket, he could hide his true emotions behind it, so no one could ever guess how he really felt about anyone or anything. How could he keep order if he didn't show strict cruelty? How could he keep the Carrows in line – or the other teachers for that matter, if they were not all terrified of him?

"There are other ways of keeping discipline besides terrorizing people," Babaji scolded him. "Respect must be earned."

"I'm not in a position to change my tactics at this time," Severus explained in his own defense.

"I understand your predicament, but that is no excuse for the way you treated Sienna. Again, you chose a material object over the feelings of a human being. I can't help but wonder if your remorse would have been so heartfelt or quick if the photo had been destroyed."

"It would have," Severus insisted. "As soon as I realized she was gone, I felt horrible. I had not yet found the locket. I would still be here, begging for your forgiveness and help, even if I never saw the photo again." His lower lip began to quiver. He reached for Babaji's bare shoulder out of total desperation. Their eyes met as his composure abandoned him. "You can see into my soul," he croaked. "I will never hurt her again – I swear it!"

"Oh yes, you will, but not out of malice."

Severus gulped and gasped for air. "What do you mean?" he asked through his tears.

"Only that something beyond your control will happen that will cause her pain, but hurting her will not be your desire or intention."

Severus' wits began to return as he contemplated Babaji's statement. A few silent moments passed as he regained his strength and felt a sense of peace from Babaji's touch.

"So you'll help me?" he finally found the courage to ask.

"I can only give you advice. She loves you, and she will eventually return, even if you do nothing. But if you do nothing, things will never be the same between you. On the other hand, there are steps you can take to bring her back faster, which will also heal the rift."

"Anything," he sighed with relief. "Just tell me what to do."

"Very well. Go back to the castle and ask whatever God or Higher Power you believe in for her safe and speedy return. Ask the Source of All Life to furnish you with the strength to do what must be done, the circumstances that will hasten her return, and the wisdom to see the opportunity when it presents itself. People often ask for help, but do not recognize it when it comes."

Severus nodded.

"You don't have to ask out loud, just in your mind. The more often you ask for help, the better."

"I understand."

"You might also try talking directly to Sienna."

"But I don't know where..."

"In your mind, Severus Snape. Ask for her forgiveness. Assure her of your remorse. Remember, you are one with her in Spirit. She will hear you."

Severus sighed and nodded again. He wasn't sure how any of this could possibly help. He felt in his heart that, unless he could look deep into her sparkling grey-blue eyes, she would never know how sorry he really was.

Once again, Babaji read his mind. "If all else fails, go to the last place anyone saw her and talk to her out loud. Say everything I can feel now coming from your heart. Shout it out, if you must. In time, she will respond. I promise."

As odd as that advice sounded, Severus nodded and agreed. He was willing to try anything. He steeled his resolve and then called Winky. After giving Babaji a grateful farewell, they found themselves back at Hogwarts.

That night, Severus lay in their bed in the secret room and stared up at the ceiling, her letter in his hand. He didn't just ask The Source for help – he begged, professing his remorse and promising to do better. He asked for everything Babaji told him to and more – he asked for forgiveness – from Sienna, from Babaji, and from that Higher Power, whatever it is. But the hardest kind of forgiveness, the ability to forgive himself, was something he didn't think he deserved. He would never forgive himself for hurting her – just as he could never forgive himself for what he had done to Lily.

But after several days of this routine, Sienna did not return. He missed her so much that he felt physical pain. He refused to eat, even when Winky brought his food to the secret room. Every moment he spent alone, he thought about her and asked the Powers That Be for her safe return.

Finally, one night about a week after Sienna's disappearance, a frantic knock came on his office door. "Come in." Severus looked up from his desk in hopeful anticipation.

In stormed McGonagall, her angry cheeks flushed with purple rage. "Graffiti has been found on the walls again, and the Carrows have rounded up the usual suspects."

"Oh?" he raised his eyebrows, trying not to look too worried.

"I'm afraid the Cruciatus Curse isn't good enough for them any more."

Severus stood in alarm.

"They've decided on one of your old favorites: Sectumsempra!"

Severus took a quick breath but then stopped himself. He knew how nasty those cuts could be – and deep enough to kill if cast with too much enthusiasm. "How long have they been at it?"

"They only just started. When I saw what they were doing, I came here immediately."

His first thought was to act as though he didn't care. But he did need to know, and even though he had wiped McGonagall's memory clean, she still came to him if there was trouble, something she had stopped doing before the wedding. So somewhere, on a subconscious level, she knew she could still trust him. He didn't want that to change, but he couldn't afford to get too friendly with her either.

"Thank you for the information, Minerva," he said calmly. "You may go."

"Well, aren't you going to do something?"

"They know better than to take it too far. The Dark Lord has left strict instructions not to kill purebloods."

"But they're not all purebloods! Some are from a mixed background. What about them? Are their lives any less important?"

"I get your point." Severus pursed his lips then walked around the desk and passed her as he headed towards the door. "I'll see to it that no one gets killed," he added as she followed him down the spiral staircase.

When he reached the hallway to the DADA classroom, two third-years passed him, levitating an unconscious Ginny Weasley towards the hospital wing. At first he could see nothing obviously wrong with her, but then he realized that blood was dripping from her school robes to the floor, leaving a trail on the flagstones. He stopped the two students and lifted up Ginny's robes to see the slash marks across her stomach. He quickly traced the marks with his wand while singing the little song he had sung the day Harry used the same spell on Draco. After three tries, the bleeding subsided. He replaced the robes and looked urgently at the two third years. "Get her to the hospital wing – quickly. Tell Madam Pomfrey what has happened." They obediently hurried down the hall with Ginny in tow.

When Severus entered the DADA classroom, Crabbe had his wand pointed at Colin Creevey, who was writhing around on the floor, screaming, as blood ran down the side of his face. Neville and Seamus lay unconscious beside him, their faces also bleeding. Just then Amycus gave Neville a swift kick in the stomach, as if whatever else they had already done to him wasn't enough.

Severus' mood throughout the week had gone from bad to worse as Sienna failed to return. He had enough anger and frustration built up inside to take on ten Amycuses. It was with perverse pleasure that he took aim and fired off the spell. The bolt of red light hit the witless twit so hard that he flew in a spiral all the way to the opposite wall where he slammed to a stop and slid to the hard stone floor.

"How dare you?!" Severus barked. "The Dark Lord left specific instructions – no pure blood is to be spilled!"

"But they're not all purebloods!" hollered Alecto in her brother's defense.

"And I wonder how pure your blood is, Alecto," Severus stalked over towards her, wielding his wand in her face threateningly.

"At least as pure as yours," she replied defiantly.

His eyes narrowed as he touched her neck with the tip of his wand. Oh, how he so wanted to use Sectumsempra on her jugular. It would be so easy... But he stopped himself. Killing this slimy excuse for a witch was not worth ripping his soul apart.

"Watch your tongue, Alecto, if you want to keep it."

Severus glanced quickly around the room and directed the students still standing to get the injured ones to the hospital wing. Then he marched over to Amycus and stood staring down at him angrily. "If any of these students needs a blood transfusion, I'm getting it from you. And if any of them dies... I'll feed you to the dementors myself."

He turned and swept from the room, his robes billowing behind him. As he made his way back to his office, he wondered what kind of internal injuries Neville and Seamus had suffered during this latest disciplinary session. Only Sienna could tell. Only Sienna could save them. Was this the "help" he needed to get her to come back? If she wouldn't come back for his sake, perhaps she would come back for theirs. It was worth a try. He made his way through his office and quarters to the secret room.

"Winky!"

"Winky at your service, Headmaster Snape, sir," she said with her usual bow.

"Winky, you were the last person to actually see Sienna, at least that we know of. Am I correct?"

"Yes, Headmaster Snape, sir."

He walked over to the dresser and pulled open the drawer with the locket and Lily's letter. "Can you take me to the exact spot where you took her?" he asked as he pulled the photo from the locket and then stuffed the letter and photo into his left robes pocket.

"Yes, Headmaster Snape, sir."

"Good." He returned the empty locket to the dresser drawer and then took her by the hand. "Let's go."

In a moment they stood on a high cliff of barren rock overlooking the Lake. The faint lights of Hogwarts Castle could be seen far away on the distant shore. It reminded him very much of his last dream with Lily. The vicious wind cut into Severus' face as if someone had cast the Sectumsempra spell on it. How could she possibly meditate up here under these conditions?

"Are you sure this is where you last saw her?" he shouted over the wind.

"Yes, Head Master Snape, sir." Poor Winky had already begun to shiver from the cold.

"Very well. Go back to the castle. I'll call you when I've finished here."

Winky looked at him with grave concern. She knew how depressed he had been over Sienna's disappearance. She was afraid to leave him there alone.

He suddenly realized what her problem was and knelt down to look into her eyes. "I won't do anything foolish," he said sincerely. "I promise."

She nodded and gratefully left the chilly wind behind with a pop.

Severus looked around. As the rocks sloped away from the Lake, it looked as though the cracks and crevices could have hidden a cave, or other form of shelter. He figured that Sienna probably found refuge in them when she came up here to meditate.

He sifted through his memory to find Babaji's exact instructions... Shout it out, if you must...

"Sienna!" He could barely hear himself for the howling wind. "SIENNA!" The sound was immediately swallowed up as if his voice was dust and the wind was a vacuum cleaner. Was he wasting his time and energy when the students in the hospital wing needed his attention? No, he had to try. Babaji promised that she would hear... somehow...

"Sienna, listen to me, please... look into my heart... my soul." He no longer felt the need to shout. It wouldn't make a difference anyway with the wind. If she needed physical sound to hear him, he really was wasting his time. But he had to try. "I don't care about the photo any more. It's you that I want. I need you. I miss you so much. I was a spoiled brat – a total GIT! I don't blame you for leaving. I don't deserve you." With that statement he hung his head, distraught. He fought back the tears as he took a deep breath and continued. "But the students – they need you. Finnegan and Longbottom are dying. Others are badly injured. Please, Sienna. If you won't come back for me, come back for them." He stopped and looked around but saw no sign of his beloved wife.

He had hoped it wouldn't come to this, but there was one more thing to try. With a heavy sigh, he reached into his left robes pocket. "Here!" he said as he held up Lily's letter. "I'll let go of her if you'll just give me another chance." He let the letter slip through his fingers and closed his eyes as the rushing air grabbed it and carried it out of sight into the black night. "Look!" he announced with tears running down his cheeks, "The photo... going, going, gone!" And Lily's photo followed the letter into the darkness.

Still no Sienna.

"WHAT ELSE DO I HAVE TO DOOOO?" he sobbed as he fell to his knees with a silent wish that the wicked wind would carry him off into oblivion as well. With eyes closed and clenched fists resting on the bare rock, he knelt there sobbing, when suddenly he felt a soft, gentle hand on his shoulder. He whipped around to find Sienna with tears in her eyes and Lily's photo and letter in her other hand.

"Here, I believe you dropped these." She smiled at him through her tears.

He stood and threw his arms around her, ignoring the letter and photo. "I'm so sorry. I love you with all my heart. I swear it."

"I know. I just had to be sure that you knew it, too."

"Can you ever forgive me?" he asked with a worried face as his tears subsided.

"I forgave you the moment it happened, love. But you need to forgive yourself." She lovingly placed her hand over his heart.

"You can help me with that later. Right now, the students really need your help."

"Sounds like the Carrows are getting worse. I'm afraid it's only a matter of time before they kill someone."

"Well, let's make sure it doesn't happen tonight, shall we? WINKY!"