Yesterday is a Memory

Chapter 18

"Yesterday is a Memory,

"Tomorrow's Future May Never Be"

Severus tapped his wand on the door and stepped into number twelve, Grimmauld Place. When Moody's voice said, "Severus Snape?" he defiantly replied, "What if it is?" The cold blast of air passed over Severus, curling his tongue up inside his mouth. With a flick of his wand and a nonverbal spell, the effect was eliminated. He raised an eyebrow, a bit disappointed at Mad Eye's feeble attempt at keeping him silent.

As he cautiously moved forward, the ghostly image of Dumbledore flew up in front of him. As it pointed its decaying arm in his face he rolled his eyes. "Oh, please! I didn't murder you and you know it!"

With the word "murder" the ghostly figure disintegrated, and the dust returned to its original resting place in the filthy carpet on the floor in the entrance hall.

A few more cautious steps led him to believe that he had encountered all the resistance that Mad Eye had had time to conjure. The crusty veteran must have been slipping. Perhaps that was why the Death Eaters managed to get the best of him on the night Potter was moved. In his prime, Moody could have taken on a small army of Death Eaters alone. Severus had admired Moody on so many levels. Another senseless death, he thought.

Severus wasted little time reminiscing as he ripped the house apart searching for something ... anything ... he could use. But the Order had stripped the place bare of any and all information of value, just as Severus had suspected they would. If there was one thing Moody still was, right up to the end, it was thorough.

He went from room to room, going through cabinets, wardrobes, and dressers. He pulled out books and flipped through the pages to be sure nothing was hidden in between them. He had been there for a couple of hours when he finally made it up to Sirius' old bedroom. In his younger days, Severus would have gazed on this spacious room with a touch of envy with its long velvet curtains, the beautifully carved headboard on the over-sized bed, and the silk wall coverings. An obscene amount of gold had been spent to furnish and equip this room. He got the impression that Sirius had taken it all for granted. Severus' own beginnings had been so much more humble. But now he no longer valued the lavish finery he saw before him. If a bed was comfortable and large enough for his long frame, he was happy to sleep in it. He had learned long ago that fancy "things" could not bring happiness.

He pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind and began searching. He pulled the bedspread and sheets off the bed, lifted up the mattress, stooped to look under the bed... nothing. He continued with the wardrobe, checking the pockets of all remaining clothing, going through the dresser drawers... He finally turned to the book case and started shaking out the pages of each book. When he got to A History of Magic, by Bathilda Bagshot, two loose pieces of paper and a small photograph drifted to the floor. The handwriting on the paper looked vaguely familiar, so he kneeled down to investigate.

With a flood of emotion, he realized he was holding a letter from Lily to Sirius. It had been written while they were in hiding. He started to gasp for breath like a man drowning in his own sorrow. After graduation, she had never written him a letter. They had lost touch completely, and he only heard snippets about her life through the grapevine.

In an instant, Severus saw his life flash before his eyes... all the mistakes he had made and all of the love it had cost him... Lily, Dumbledore, and countless good people like Charity Burbage, Bertha Jorkins, and Mad Eye Moody, among others. And perhaps soon, even Sienna. Then he thought of Harry and the flood gates opened, not so much because he knew Harry would have to give up his life to defeat Voldemort, but that he, Severus, had failed Lily by putting her son in mortal danger in the first place.

Through tear-streaked vision he read the letter, then crumpled the first page and let it fall to the ground. Then he carefully tucked the second page, where Lily had signed her name with love, into an inside pocket of his robes next to his heart. Then he turned his attention to the photograph. He ripped it in half and, with bitter resentment, threw the half with James and Harry to the floor. Then he gazed lovingly at Lily's face – just hers, no one else's to ruin the memory. Then he tucked it away with the letter and swept from the room.

As he stood at the front door, Severus tried to compose himself. Soon, perhaps even now, there would be Death Eaters watching the Square, even if they didn't know exactly where the house was. But they couldn't see his tear-stained face. He took a deep breath, but for some reason all of the other good people from the original Order of the Phoenix began to float to the surface... Edgar Bones, Gideon Prewett, Benjy Fenwick... and the Longbottoms... a fate worse than death.

Then he thought of Wormtail. How did that rat ever end up in Gryffindor? Sometimes I think we Sort too soon. Dumbledore's words rang heavily in his ears. As he fought back another flood of tears, he tried to compose himself and think of something happy, not an easy thing to do in this dreadful house.

His thoughts finally turned to Sienna. He had been so busy all summer that she had barely crossed his mind at all. When school started and he finally got back into a routine, he would try to contact her, perhaps even see her. Maybe Aberforth could be of some help in that regard... a secret room just for them? It wouldn't hurt to ask.

Because of Dumbledore's death and funeral, the N.E.W.T. exams had been postponed. Severus knew they would take place at various spots throughout Great Britain sometime during the summer. She probably had to go to Flourish and Blotts for hers. He wondered how she had fared. Probably "Outstanding" marks across the board.

With the idea of putting his arms around her again at the top of his mind, he smiled inwardly and stepped out the door at last.

*****

Several evenings later, Severus sat at his desk in the Headmaster's office reviewing the lesson plans that the Carrows had submitted. They had both griped long and loud at being forced to come up with actual lesson plans, but Severus had decided that if he was going to be Headmaster, he was going to do it right. All the other teachers submitted lesson plans at the beginning of each term; they would be required to do so as well.

As he flipped through the pages, he realized that "Defense Against the Dark Arts" had turned obviously into simply "The Dark Arts." And "Muggle Studies" seemed to have morphed into "Bloodline Bashing 101." Severus detested the whole idea of the bloodline cleansing that was going on under Voldemort's clandestine rule, but to keep up his façade, he had to outwardly go with the flow.

Just as he was finishing up and could finally contemplate the warm, soft, four poster that called to him from his quarters, he felt his left arm burn.

"Damn!" he snarled. Why does it always have to be so very late? He obediently rose and grabbed his cloak, then headed out the door to Hogsmeade.

As Severus marched down the long lane to Malfoy Manor, he assumed that this would be about his findings from number twelve. He had not immediately reported to Voldemort because he had not found anything of significance. But the Dark Lord liked to stay informed.

Lucius greeted him at the door this time with an odd look on his face. He seemed to be hungrily anticipating something. There was a greedy gleam in his eye and a bounce in his step that Severus had not seen in a long time.

"What's going on?" asked Severus tentatively.

"Oh, you'll find out soon enough," came the cool, smooth reply.

Severus eyed Lucius suspiciously as he was led to the sitting room where Voldemort awaited his arrival.

"Good evening, Severus," came the familiar, high-pitched, sinister voice from a padded chair by the fire.

Severus walked around to face Lord Voldemort. Their eyes met as Severus got down on one knee before him. He bowed his head to kiss the silky flowing robes. "You sent for me, my Lord?"

"Yes, Severus. Get up, have a seat."

Severus obeyed, taking the hard wooden chair to Voldemort's right.

"I take it you searched the former headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix?"

"Yes, My Lord."

"And I suppose you found nothing?"

"Nothing of any value, My Lord."

"I'm not surprised." There was a pause. "And the Carrows are settling in at Hogwarts?"

"Yes, My Lord. They just submitted their lesson plans. I brought copies for you to review if you like. I believe they will meet with your approval."

"Good. It's touching that you are taking such care with the proper education of our young people. That fool Dumbledore spent too many years ruining generation after generation. We have a lot of work to do to get the general population back on the right track. I'm counting on you, Severus. The earlier they learn, the better it all sinks in. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Of course, My Lord."

For a few moments, Voldemort was silent as he scrutinized Severus, studying the lines on his face, his posture, his breathing patterns, his hair. Severus could almost feel Voldemort's eyes touching him. It was a very uncomfortable experience.

"There is actually something else of great importance that I would like to discuss with you tonight."

"Oh?" replied Severus tentatively. "And what might that be?"

"I brought you here to talk about the Kaolin girl."

Severus shifted in his chair. His heart jumped up into his throat. The adrenalin began to course through his veins.

"If I recall, last summer I asked you to take her under your wing, become more friendly with her, so perhaps when you came to be with me full time, she could join us as your assistant."

"Yes, sir, I remember."

"But from that memory you shared with me the night you killed Dumbledore, I saw nothing but contempt on her face for you. Draco tells me the two of you had a bit of a falling out this past year. What happened? Why didn't you follow my orders?"

Severus could still feel Voldemort's stare as he searched, no doubt, for signs of deception. "When I was moved to the Defense Against the Dark Arts position, I no longer needed an assistant. So I had little opportunity to see her outside of class," Severus explained. "And it became evident after the first essay assignment that Defense Against the Dark Arts was not exactly her favorite subject." So far so good, thought Severus. He had memories to back up all of those statements. "So, we just drifted apart. After a couple of bad grades, she must have begun to resent me. But since most of the students at Hogwarts resent me, I didn't think much about it." Everything he had just said was true. Relaxed and confident, he looked Voldemort directly in the eyes, inviting a Legilimency session.

"What a shame, what a shame," tisked Voldemort. "A job is always so much more enjoyable when you get on with your co-workers."

"What do you mean?" Severus scowled. "I am Headmaster now. I have an army of house-elves at my beck and call. Surely I don't need an assistant."

Voldemort immediately became infuriated. He jumped up from his chair and put his angry face right in Severus'. "Did I ask your opinion?"

Nagini, who had been coiled comfortably in front of the fire, raised her head and eyed the two of them with intense interest.

Severus pulled back slightly. "No, My Lord. I apologize." His mind was reeling. What did this mean? Was he going after Sienna anyway?

Voldemort began pacing the room, thinking out loud to Severus. "If she is as clever and talented as Draco indicated to me, she must never be left to join the opposition. Besides, Draco told me that the two of you were so cozy the year before, it seemed very odd to him that she could do such a complete turn around so fast."

"Young girls can be very fickle," Severus offered in her defense. "And I hate to admit this, but she was very close to Dumbledore. I have a feeling that she will never cooperate," he added with an inward hope that Voldemort would drop this idea.

Voldemort turned suddenly in response to Severus' words. "Then she will die!"

Severus' chest tightened. He had to get word to her. He had to tell her to go into hiding. Perhaps if he could excuse himself he could send his Patronus...

"Let's hope for your sake, as well as hers, that her fickle heart can be turned back in your direction...WORMTAIL!"

"Yes, Master," came a voice from just outside the door.

"Bring our guest, would you?"

"Certainly, Master."

He tried to keep the expression on his face casually curious, but inside, Severus felt like his stomach had his heart in a half nelson. Was she already here? Was it too late?

A few moments of silent agony passed. Then in came Wormtail, guiding a hooded figure with arms and legs bound. The head tilted on the neck as if it were asleep. Wormtail maneuvered his prize into position in front of Voldemort, then lowered her feet to the floor.

Voldemort flicked his wand and removed the hood to reveal Sienna, apparently unconscious. Her long, dark curls fell over her face like a lacy veil. Severus could see her chest rising and falling, so he knew she was still alive. But what was her condition? What might they have already done to her?

"I had Wormtail follow her after my conversation with Draco. He found out where she lived and got to know her routine. He followed her to the make-up N.E.W.T. exam on the second floor of Flourish and Blotts in Diagon Alley last week. My sources tell me she had the highest scores of anyone in the whole school – on both the practical and written portions, including Defense Against the Dark Arts. So if it was not her favorite subject, you couldn't tell by her scores."

Severus squirmed a little in his seat. He noticed Voldemort smile at his sudden discomfort. He would have to be more careful of his reactions.

"When I was satisfied that she could be an asset to me, I sent Wormtail, Bella and Rookwood to bring her in. It was a good thing, too, because even with the three of them, she almost escaped. Since her capture we have had to keep her sedated, she is so good with wandless nonverbal spells. You'd think we were trying to capture Dumbledore himself."

Severus felt a hint of pride for Sienna at that last statement. What bigger compliment could be given? But at the same time, he felt ill. What worse situation could she have found herself in? And, once again, it was all his fault for bringing her to Voldemort's attention in the first place.

"She's just too good, too talented to let the other side have her, Severus. I'm sure you understand. Let's hope she will listen to reason. Wormtail, untie her and wake her up."

Wormtail obeyed with a nod, mumbling a spell to remove her bindings. The ropes loosened their grip like a snake who had squeezed its prey to death and then had to let it go to consume it. They fell to the ground and evaporated into thin air. Then he mumbled another spell to revive her. She began to rub her eyes, looking dazed and confused. As the room came into focus she looked around, first at Wormtail, then at Voldemort. Recognition dawned on her face as she realized her precarious situation. She raised an eyebrow at the huge snake in front of the fire, then finally, she turned to Severus and their eyes met.

Legilimens, he thought instantly. He could tell she had cast the same spell because two different pieces of the same conversation bubbled to the surface. It was her birthday and they were in Dumbledore's office.

I'll sacrifice myself if I have to, he saw her say...

You must watch me suffer with totally convincing indifference, came his reply to her.

So, the two of them understood each other. No matter what, she could not fall into Voldemort's hands. Which one of us will die? Probably both, he thought. At the moment, no avenue of escape presented itself. Severus held his breath, not knowing what to expect next.

"Good evening, my dear," serenaded Voldemort, "and welcome to Malfoy Manor."

Sienna remained silent. Severus noticed there was no sign of fear on her face. In fact, she looked quite calm, almost serene. He wondered if that was a smoke screen, then he remembered that she, like Dumbledore, had no fear of death.

"I apologize for the way you were brought here, my dear, but you didn't seem to want to accept my cordial invitation. You will soon learn, however, that when your master calls, you come. It's as simple as that."

Sienna stared at him, her gaze unflinching. "You will never be my master."

"I thought you might say that." The polite smile suddenly vanished from Voldemort's face as he began to show his true colors. "But perhaps your dear friend and former teacher can persuade you. Why don't you go say 'hello' to Severus, give him a kiss for old time's sake."

Severus was repulsed. He knew this humiliation was strictly for Voldemort's amusement. As much as he wished he could scoop her up and escape this place forever, the last thing he wanted was for her to be forced to show him any affection in front of Voldemort. He needn't have worried.

"I'd rather kiss the snake," she said simply, calmly.

"Oh, I think you'll reconsider," insisted Voldemort as he gave a flick of his wand to invoke the Imperius Curse.

Sienna stiffened, but did not step forward. She was resisting. And, although Severus once again was proud of her, he knew that her insolence would surely invoke the Dark Lord's wrath.

"Have you no feelings of affection for Severus, here?"

Severus knew where this was leading, so he braced himself.

"None." Her look was inscrutable.

"So, I guess you won't mind if I amuse myself for a moment with my favorite Headmaster?"

"What you do to him is your own concern, not mine." She seemed to have ice running through her veins.

"Very well." Voldemort turned to Severus. "All for the cause," he said with an evil red glow in his eyes. "Crucio!"

Severus fell to the ground. He tried not to wail from the pain. He didn't want her to feel it, to let it show on her face, which he knew Voldemort must be scrutinizing with great intensity. He held it in as long as he could, but the pain was too great. Severus finally let out a scream that shook the rafters. Then, just as suddenly as it started, the pain stopped. Severus lay on the floor, panting with exhaustion, as he turned his head and looked up at Sienna, who was meeting his gaze. Her mask was still convincingly apathetic. She turned to look at Voldemort as Severus slowly, painfully, struggled to his feet.

"You really don't care about him anymore, do you?" Voldemort asked her, in a tone that sounded as if he were genuinely impressed with her lack of feeling. "Oh, well... Someone with your skills... There are many ways you can be of use to me."

"Of use to you?" Sienna said incredulously, "I don't think so."

"We have ways of making you cooperate, my dear," Voldemort said quietly, but Severus could tell that his wrath was building again, "and insubordination is not tolerated."

Their eyes were locked in a staring contest. Severus could tell that Voldemort was invading her memories. But after only a few moments he broke the connection in a fit of rage!

"What is the meaning of this?!" he shouted at her. "How DARE you throw my own memories back at me? No one can do that!"

"It seems that I just did," Sienna stated, again with icy calmness. "And no one invades my memories if I don't want them to," she added defiantly.

Severus' admiration for her was growing in leaps and bounds. But he feared she would never live to tell him how she had managed it.

"Crucio!" yelled Lord Voldemort as he pointed his wand at her chest.

Sienna stiffened, but she did not fall. She took in a quick breath, but held it instead of letting out a wail. Severus and Wormtail stared in disbelief as she took a very labored step towards Voldemort.

"No...that's impossible...CRUCIO!" he screamed with red rage. The extra energy this brought to the curse made Sienna wince, but she did not falter. Instead, her face became even more determined as she took another menacing step in Voldemort's direction.

"Pain is a thing of the mind," Sienna hissed through tight lips. "One need only learn how to control it." She took a slow, deep breath and let it out, calming herself in the process. Her eyes were boring into Voldemort's. Severus could tell she was concentrating on reaching him, blocking out every other thought. A quick glance at Wormtail showed that he was also staring transfixed on the unimaginable scene that was playing out before them. They both seemed rooted to the floor. Deep inside Severus knew that Wormtail, like him, wished to see the permanent downfall of Voldemort.

Then Severus thought of the prophecy. Had Sienna finally reached her full potential? Although many, himself included, had the willpower to resist the Imperius Curse, certainly no one had ever been able to resist the Cruciatus Curse before. He knew the pain she must be going through. How could she just block it out?

Suddenly, Sienna lunged at Voldemort, closing the gap between them. She grabbed his wand arm and he screeched in agony as his knees buckled beneath him. They both fell to the floor as the curse was lifted. But Sienna still had an iron-clad grip on his arm. His wand was pointing into her chest, touching it.

"Curse me, curse yourself," she said softly, calmly, in triumph.

"Unhand me, you vile creature!" Voldemort spat as he struggled against her grip. But she had him with both hands now and managed to hang on in spite of all he could do to free himself.

"Don't just stand there, you FOOLS! GET HER OFF ME!!"

Severus and Wormtail sprang into action. Severus grabbed Sienna's arms, Wormtail heaved at Voldemort's. But the instant she felt Severus' touch, Sienna let go, sending the other two into a tangle on the floor. At first Severus thought she would take this opportunity to flee, but instead she turned to look him in the eye. She knew full well that if Severus was touching her when the killing curse hit, he would die too. The look she gave him was of deep love mixed with sadness.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

In an instant, Sienna radiated a Repelling Charm with such force that it threw Severus across the room, and he hit the floor with a thud as he heard those words he feared most...

A/N: I don't want to forget to thank my wonderful betas JENGEORGE and NervousAboutAngels, who have helped me so much along the way.

And my story is based on the Harry Potter book series by the talented J. K. Rowling. I make no money here. This is all just for fun.