Second Posting
What I Want My Words to Do to You
Chapter 2 of 6
Ladymage Samiko…in which Hermione makes far more progress than one might have expected
or
A Series of Extracts Belonging to the Epistolary Courtship of Hermione Granger and Severus Snape, with Suitable Additions of Edifying Thoughts and Actions
by Severus Snape and Hermione Granger
edited by Lm. Samiko ^_~
Second Posting
It was the last week of winter term when Severus Snape received the following letter. To his surprise, it had been certified by the Owl Post as Adverse Spell Free.
Dear Professor,
Surprised, aren't you? I figured the certification would make a suitable declaration of my intentions; I am well aware of the amount of work you must be facing as the term ends. As I calculate it, the two of us are exactly even in our number of successful booby-traps. I believe these two factors make it an appropriate time to broach the subject of a cease-fire, if not a full truce. I shall be candid and admit that the effort of fully disenchanting my mail every time your letter arrives is tiring. For once, I should like to simply take the packets from the owl without wearing full safety kit. Well, what do you think? Shall we stop acting like adolescents? I must say, though, it was fun while it lasted.
Now, about your latest paper, did you try the properties of ten-Knut-weed on the potion? I've always had good results with it...
The remainder of the letter contained a detailed discussion of a variety of theories concerning his current research. Remarkably (and annoyingly), they contained a number of good ideas--many of which had occurred to him, but a few which had not. Irritating wench! With a quick mutter, he summoned the list he had begun when this whole farce had started. In the beginning, it had included, in miniscule type, the name of every witch in England over eighteen. As letters arrived, names had disappeared. An Arithmancer (explicitly mentioned), either Muggle-born or half-blood (implied by use of Muggle drugs, etc.). One who obviously had a feel for Potions. One who was part of Voldemort's defeat...
It came down to one name. One name, which had been his hypothesis after the receipt of the first letter and which he had thereafter tried to forget. Which hadn't worked when her writing style matched her speech patterns almost exactly. He had spent months now listening to her voice in his head as he read the letters with a fascination akin to the mouse under the gaze of a snake. (Ironic, that one...) It was annoying. He didn't understand why she kept writing him. He didn't understand why he kept writing her.
Unless it was to take advantage of that theoretical rambling she was prone to. Yes. That must be it. Take advantage of free information from a brain that was, normally, reasonably functional...
Woman:
A cease-fire would not be necessary if you would just run away and play with somebody else like a good little girl. I find you annoying and time-consuming and have no wish to further waste hours, magic, and parchment on you.
Professor Severus C. Snape, MP. MDA. OoM. 1st class
Dear Professor,
No.
ZS
This was intolerable.
What in the name of Hades do you want from me, woman?
Professor Severus C. Snape, MP. MDA. OoM. 1st class
Ah. Interest and inquiry. Not to mention distinct end-of-tether overtones. Just what she had been waiting for.
Dear Severus,
It's not so much that I want you to do something, it's more... what I want my words to do to you. I want them to stimulate your mind, to brighten your day, to drag you out of that shell you call your existence. I want them to make you see me, see me as the person I am and not the person you believe me to be. We've spent so much time at cross-purposes and you've spent a great deal of effort to lump me in with my companions. I am not a part of a three-headed hydra, Severus Snape. I am a woman with a mind, personality, and will of her own. I want to bring all of these before you and have you realize that this is who I am and make your evaluations therefrom. Evaluations based on facts, not preconceptions and prejudices. I want my words to let you know how I feel and, if you'll let them, how I want to make you feel. And yes, you may read a double entendre into that if you wish. I want to make you feel loved, wanted, needed, desired. As warm as a Hogwarts Christmas and as hot as a raging wildfire.
That, Professor Severus C. Snape, MP. MDA. OoM. 1st class, is what I want.
Yours,
ZS
This had to be some sort of joke. Oh, not necessarily on her part. Perhaps her "friends" thought such a thing would be amusing; it was quite clear from her letters that they thought of her as a frigid old maid and fair game for such a prank. Or maybe the gods just thought it amusing to fuck with his life. Again. They seemed to enjoy doing that. So had Albus, for that matter, old bastard that he was. And he'd always said it was "for your own good." Miserable old arse.
Still...
...loved, wanted, needed, desired.
She was half his age.
She had approached him.
They didn't even know each other.
She probably knew him better than anyone else anyway.
She had no idea what she was doing.
Did he have a better one?
...loved, wanted, needed, desired.
I am a woman with a mind, personality, and will of her own.
It wouldn't be boring.
Irritating, passionate, stimulating, painful...
But never boring.
She was bossy, stubborn, intelligent, so very young...
Not so young as that.
And she would never be boring.
And she knew what he was and what he'd done.
...loved, wanted, needed, desired.
She was never cruel.
Severus picked up a quill. This was probably going to hurt like hell.
But he could be just as stubborn as she could.
Damn it.
Dear madam,
I confess myself to be dumbfounded at the contents of your previous missive. To be confronted with such declarations--ones which are, to all appearances, sincere-- is... unexpected to say the least, particularly for a man at my stage in life. I have certainly not been accustomed to them. However, it would appear that you are a very stubborn woman and if you truly wish to undertake such a risky venture, then I shall not endeavour to apply myself to a useless confrontation. I simply request that we conduct this correspondence with due respect for both parties concerned.
Severus C. Snape
Finally! Hermione stared at the letter she held in her hand, almost disbelieving the thick slashes of black ink on parchment. After a moment's consideration, she decided that a silly grin was appropriate, having no other witness but Crookshanks, who was inclined to observe all of his mistress's actions with the condescending superiority all cats (and Kneazles) display towards their human inferiors when they do something particularly silly and incomprehensible. Honestly, she had never expected to... well, she had never expected to get anywhere with Severus C. Snape. (What did the 'C' stand for, anyway? Perhaps she could work that into the next letter.) Hermione pulled out a sheet of parchment from her desk drawer and the bottle of hematite-coloured ink she saved for special occasions. It was her own creation, after all...
Dear Severus,
I... I have to admit that your last letter floored me. I, one who is never at a loss for words, have found myself staring at this parchment for the last half-hour, taking breaks only to clean up the large ink spots from holding my quill motionless over the leaf. Perhaps I should switch to a modern fountain pen...
I know I'm babbling, but I just cannot seem to get a hold of anything of substance to write. I was, have been, and will be sincere in all of my letters to you. And I would never approach you--or any man, for that matter--on any terms other than ones of mutual respect. Call me an idealist, a romantic, whatever you please, but I believe in the 'marriage of true minds', though I wouldn't go so far as to say it 'looks on tempests and is never shaken.' Which one of us never experiences doubt in our lives, particularly in--yes, I will write it, you can't stop me--in love? Or fear, for that matter? No human being is ever so sure of another as to know that person's feelings every moment. Nor are we ever free of self-doubt. I may not admit it, show it, but I think I can tell you now that I've never been free of it from the day I first set foot in Diagon Alley. I had determination; I had brains. Unfortunately, those brains told me how little I really knew about what I was getting myself into. I wonder sometimes if I hadn't ought to have stayed where I was... But there. I am where I am and have no intention of going anywhere at this point. It's far too rewarding to rub my presence--and, yes, my talent--in other people's faces. It's the little things in life, right? Speaking of little things...
Snape read through the letter twice when it arrived late Friday night, meditating upon its contents and his reply. As it was, he did not begin to write until the following morning, after a full night's sleep and a few precious hours free of the miniature morons he was supposed to instruct.
Dear Miss Granger,
You were quite correct; you were 'babbling'. And that was quite a long epistle for one who claims to have nothing of substance to write about. However, this is not unexpected, when one considers that you are the author of said manuscript. I must assume you are not familiar with the saying 'Brevity is the soul of wit?' Ah, well. We must each have our imperfections, though I myself have tried in vain to discover my own. I really must set to work on that point one of these days. Perhaps once I have retired and no longer have to watch these troglodytes they flatter with the name of 'children.' The gods know I am certainly busy looking in a hundred other directions to prevent the thick-headed dolts from immolating, poisoning, or otherwise destroying themselves. Why do they insist on teaching Potions to infants who have no concept of caution and even less interest or talent? Of any given year, only five students ever show any promise in the field, fewer still use it after graduation. I often wonder why I continue to engage in this exercise in futility. I am no longer under any obligation to remain, though at a loss as to what other profession I pursue. Pure Potions or Defence work is difficult to find, I have no interest in entering healing in any manner (which is probably for the best, for I should be forced to throttle half my patients), and gods forbid I ever find myself indentured to the Ministry. I hope you have had the basic intelligence to avoid that fate, unlike your two appendages.
Yes, Miss Granger, I wrote 'appendages'. Whilst you may not solely be an addendum to the Trio, I am sure you are aware that they have battened onto you all these years? It quite honestly gives me nervous tremors trying to imagine what they would have become without a responsible, sensible human being giving them good, swift kicks when appropriate. That you were able, in some small measure, to penetrate those thick, stone-like interiors they call heads is a laudable achievement in and of itself. I shall now take the opportunity to congratulate you on it.
By the by, what sort of Arithmantic research are you involved in? I believe Minerva has mentioned it--numerous times, more than likely--but I shall candidly admit that by the time you had completed Oxford, I had heard quite enough of you and tuned out ensuing references.
As for the content of your second paragraph, I believe I am inclined to agree with you, in theory, at least...
Dear Severus,
Egotist. But thank you for the complement. And yes, I am aware of the state of my relationship with those two mental amoeba they call Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley. I must admit that, at the moment, I rather wish I weren't. Bastards. Do you realize what they bought me for my birthday? Grr... You see, I'm so annoyed I'm even resorting to written sub-vocals. Sorry; I shouldn't vent. You weren't involved. And no, that is not a hint that you ought to have bought me something yourself. I don't even know when your birthday is and I didn't expect you to remember mine, if you ever knew it in the first place. Besides, we haven't even progressed to a face-to-face relationship yet.
I feel better now. Feel free to ignore that last paragraph. I suppose I ought to erase it, but I really do feel better with it in black and white, knowing that I can share my feelings with someone. Very few people around here would listen--not that I would tell them--and most of them would agree with those cretins.
You can ignore that paragraph as well. Damn it, I refuse to let this interfere any further with a letter to you. There are far more amusing topics of discussion to include here. Speaking of which...
Far from ignoring the initial paragraphs, Snape found them the most intriguing of the long letter that Hermione was in the habit of sending. So his... whatever he was supposed to call her... was at odds with her little 'appendages'. He wondered what idiocy they had committed this time, that she was so angry with them. Of course, finding out wouldn't take very long. He wouldn't be either a Slytherin or a spy if he didn't have his sources.
Dear Hermione,
It is reassuring that you have--eventually--come around to the correct evaluation of the half-brained duo. I can only add that it makes me dubious that it has taken so long for you to do so. Ah, well. What on earth would I do with someone as intelligent as I?
I can only assume that you have not hexed various sensitive bits of their anatomy; surely such an event would have deserved front page exposure in the Daily Prophet. A pity. I would have cheerfully funded your defence before the Wizengamot. Still, I trust that you have fully informed them of their error in judgment; a woman of your calibre has no need to resort to such inane, cheap tricks to 'get' a man--assuming that you even want or require one. Besides which, it would seem that your obstinacy and knowledge of hexes are quite sufficient in this regard.
I have enclosed with this missive a small package that I trust will suffice for your birthday honoraria. You are quite correct; I did not know the date, however, I am aware and quite capable of fulfilling the social requisites of our relationship, as unconventional as it may be in this day and age. For future reference, my own is 9 January, should you be in a position to reciprocate at that time.
As to the problem you mentioned with your current research, I may have a few suggestions in that respect. Firstly...
Hermione had stopped fuming about the present itself--a full magical make-over, including breast-enhancement and fat-reduction (Ron) as well as enrolment in Wizard/Witch Wand Connection - Matching Wand Couples for Five Centuries (Harry)--by the time Severus' letter arrived, but she had not gotten over the morons' reaction to her tirade. They'd treated her like... like a kitten that was spitting and hissing, merely patting her on the head (metaphorically) and walking away content in their own masculine superiority. Wankers. Severus' caustic comments--and full support--helped soothe her somewhat; how was it that the man knew exactly what to say? Her mother would probably say it was love. Was it? Hard to say anything definitive; they hadn't even seen each other since her graduation some years before. Though she had to admit, the little hints--and certainly his 'honoraria'--rather made her think it was.
Dear Severus,
I know that by now, you won't believe me when I say I haven't the words, but really, this time I haven't. Your present was... beyond lovely. I can only say that if you had given it to me directly, you would have been presented with an armful of Hermione. And no, I would not have been squealing. I am not a fifth year. From your perspective, I doubt I ever was. I was--and am-- frankly awe-struck by your gift. (By the way, where on earth did you find a copy of The Instruction of Imhotep? You do realize that it means I shall have to invade your library, since I now suspect you of harbouring similarly rare and fascinating volumes.)
You probably are aware by now of the effect of the other half of your gift. (Do you naturally have such good taste, or did you ask Minerva for assistance?) I've worn the earrings on a few occasions; as something obviously beyond my means, they attracted quite a bit of attention. The girls at work are trying their hardest to find out who you are (and if you have a similarly well-heeled brother, cousin, nephew, widowed father...) and how long I've been seeing you. I'm still debating how to answer that question. It might be amusing to tell the exact truth and say that I don't see you. Or, at least, I haven't seen you in several years. The Amoeba are driving themselves mad with the same questions, though, of course, they could care less whether you have brothers, cousins, etc. A sister might do, I suppose. In any case, they came to my flat and demanded to know who had given me the gifts and how long it had been going on, etc., etc., etc. I told them in no uncertain terms to bugger off. Treating me like a brainless tart--furthermore, a brainless tart who isn't even good at being a tart--had forfeited their right to knowledge about any of my affairs. Pun inclusive. There were words. And yes, some of them hurt. They may be insensitive clods, but they have been my friends for almost fifteen years. Still, I had to make a stand sometime. I couldn't allow them to keep walking over my feelings and self-respect the way they do. Will they understand this? I doubt it, but I am done with accommodating them. They can damn well accommodate me for once.
In any case, they left 'in high dudgeon', as they say, vowing to find your dungeon, if not in those exact words. They're plotting to find out who and where you are. Good luck to them. And now to something more interesting...
Dear Hermione,
I am pleased that you are enjoying your gifts; Minerva did not help me with the jewellery, for she would then have driven me mad trying to discover whom they were for, rather like your colleagues. Strictly speaking, the Imhotep was not from my own library, but inherited from my mother's; it really isn't my sort of thing at all, though I did, of course, read it when I was young. In any case, I have included a catalogue of my library in this letter, so that you may decide upon its merits before investigating it yourself. And no, I have not left anything off of the list.
As to the 'words' you mentioned in your last letter, I am sorry to have precipitated them, though I agree that such a scene needed to take place. You must be your own woman, Hermione, and not depend upon the opinion or good will of anyone save yourself. I include myself in this; if you think well of me--and Merlin alone knows why you should--then my opinion should have weight with you, but not make you as miserable as it would seem they do. Betrayal by one's supposed friends does hurt, and hurt terribly, but it is better that you recognise it for what it is and make the wound clean and swift rather than suffer their small, endless barbs for years to come. I have endured both over the years, Hermione, and the former is infinitely preferable to the latter. Though I suppose one might compare it to having a dragon bite off your hand all at once rather than having it nibbled on by flesh-eating slugs over an extended period of time. Both hurt like hell, but there is something to be said for getting it over with, if you must choose one or the other.
I almost wish those morons would figure out who I am. I would take great delight in playing with their non-existent minds before inflicting something truly nasty upon them for meddling in my affairs. Pun inclusive.
Beyond your problems with pea-brained pillocks, how fares the Arithmantic work? I had a thought the other evening as regards your investigation of the effect of radicals on the number five...
He was right. As, Hermione admitted, he was the majority of the time. Perhaps it had something to do with being older and more experienced. One didn't tend to think of Snape being the sort of person to have 'friends', but he must have had something over the years. If he had felt anything like what she was going through, then he certainly had her deepest sympathy. It did hurt like hell.
But wait... Was that an actual invitation to his library?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
^_^ FYI: The phrase 'pea-brained pillock' was taken from the Britcom 'Chef!', which was written & starred in by Lenny Henry (who also voiced the shrunken head in PoA). Cheers! Lm. Samiko ^_~
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Latest 25 Reviews for What I Want My Words to Do to You
84 Reviews | 6.93/10 Average
Don't know why I haven't found this before! Great fun, despite the slight to my home town...
Loved it! Thank you!
Looking for something to read, I stumbled on the Yule 2008 challenge and started down the list. When I read your Yule story and realized it was a sequel, I went looking for this. Loved it. Reminds me of Dorothy Sayers' beginning to "Busman's Honeymoon" which was written in the mid 1930s. If you haven't read it, might I highly suggest you do. Lord Peter and Harriet Vane are very entertaining and Bunter is priceless. 
a great collection of letters, indeed!
LOL
Thank you for the laughs I had while reading this chapter of you fic.
delicious and decidedly funny. very much in character for both of them. thanks so much! 
I really loved this story!!!
This is absolutely delightful! I adore epistolary fiction, and I crowed with laughter at the Barbara Cartland reference. In fact, I inherited mine from my mother, who in turn inherited them from her father. ;) Crazy, but funny.
aaackk. will poor hermione EVER figure out how to respond to that last line? too funny! i read this on a break at work, and i giggled so gleefully i had to explain to my coworker WHAT was so funny. i read her the paragraph of hermione's reaction, and even out of context, she agreed it was most amusing. am looking forward to when you put some more words into her mouth - er, quill. ; )
More please! I Likie!! Heehee-- and I love the fact that they switched to their names without all the "HOW DID YOU KNOW!!" heehee.
This is wonderful....
another lovely chapter of this delightful story. you do such a wonderful job with establishing their voices in these letters. i LOVE that he sent her a catalog of his library! and that sure sounds like an invitation to me.
Loving this! 
You always write them so well, 
and I like the letter format with their reactions included. 
It's interesting that they haven't even seen eachother for a few years (before they started their correspondence even) the entire time this has (so far 
) gone on. 
Will be looking forward to the next! 
I remember this. I would love to read the rest.
Another brilliant chapter! Your mastery of the language sends me into raptures, especially as it is the language of love peculiar to Hermione and Severus.
Anonymous
That was indeed an invitation! I watched with interest the greetings change from Woman! to Dear Miss Granger to Dear Hermione. He is being drawn in slowly but surely....
This is the best way to court, through letters. I imagine all those WWII soldiers writing to girls back home. You can give real thought to your words and express yourself more fully. I think the Hermione in this story has hit on the perfect means to ensnare Prof. S. C. Snape.
Elegant as the first chapter, equally lovely, and stimulating.
Love it! Delightful and inventive. Can't wait for more!
A great update! I do side with Severus that Hermione should have hexed some precious bits of those two dunderheads she called friends as a thank-you for their "gift" (insult would be more correct). There wouldn't have been a woman anywhere who would have blamed her, most likely it would have been "The" thing that would have united all witches, pureblood, halfblood and muggleborns alike:-) The letters between our two heroes are magnificiant, and I am amazed how well you get the story told by their letters to each other. I do hope that at some point we will get to read about Ron and Harry finding out just who Hermione is involved with?:-))I will be looking forward for the next update!
Wonderful. Severus's presents compared to Harry and Ron's! I love the idea of a catalogue to his book-collection forming a pledge of friendship (and quite understand it - I am an antiquarian bookseller's daughter, after all).Btw - one amoeba, two amoebae.
Oh! I forgot to include a comment on her third letter this chapter. I am going to have to write it down because the words are positively moving. Thoroughly profound, and it stirs the heart and quickens the breath just thinking of having someone, anyone say something like that.
What progress... Hermione didn't even comment with Severus first called her by name. But then I suppose she knew he knew who she was, and he knew she knew he knew, so it wasn't necessary to mention it.
Brilliant, keep up the good work ! I can't wait for the pillocks to find out who her "pen-friend" is.
I am enjoying this fic so very much. I admit to delighting in epistolary fiction as well as reading the letters of various historical couples (I'm currently reading some of the correspondence between John and Abigail Adams when I'm not reading fanfic or studying math or regional studies at college). Severus most definitely has excellent taste and I must say, the voice of his letters makes me wish I was his correspondent, not Hermione! The characterisations and emotive expression in your writing are among the best I've ever read (in HP fanfic and pro-fic), I am looking forward to reading the next installment. Bravi, bravi, bravissimi!
That was lovely. I really enjoyed it. And I can't believe that "gift" from Ron and Harry. I would have hexed them into next week.
Anonymous
I very much enjoyed! How witty! How utterly sparkling-ly lovely! I cannot wait for the rest. Pray tell, what would be the ages of the involved parties, and how long has our dear ZS been pining for the many-titled professor? Or do I have to wait for more letters to reveal these bits of information?