4. Memories

4. Memories

"Mine is your soul!"

In the safe, hidden place of the future, Severus Snape pushed the heels of his hands against his eyes and sighed in anguish. After so many years of careful, calculated acting, at last his inner emotions – the ones he should have learned to control perfectly – had betrayed him, with the help of extreme weariness and the subtle arts of a wicked manipulator.

Trembling in humiliation, he remembered how the Dark Lord – a nasty, merciless expression playing on his face – had slowly approached the broken man knelt before him and, with the tip of his wand, had forced Snape's chin up until he had raised his head and looked at his master.

"So, Severus, I wasn't wrong after all. You were undeniably hiding something from me," Voldemort said with deceiving tenderness. Despair was so unmistakably visible in Snape's eyes that there was no need for an answer.

"My poor little prince!" The Dark Lord was cruelly teasing him now. "You really wanted to be my ally, my peer, perhaps even my heir? Do you think it's still possible, now that I know your secret ambitions? Why should I spare you? After all, you have also been Dumbledore's loyal follower... At least that's what he believed, but you didn't hesitate to slay him tonight. How can I trust you? How can I feel safe?"

Growing suddenly outraged and wrathful, Voldemort ordered, "What other secrets have you hidden for all these years? Where are you hiding them now? Open yourself to me, Severus. Show me your inner mind, or you will not survive."

Then the Dark Lord, as if remembering something, brusquely turned to look at the dying flames. "Nagini!" he called imperiously. From the other side of the room, awakening from her sleep in the comfortable warmth of the fireplace, the pet serpent raised its monstrous head and hissed in answer.

"I need your help, my dear," whispered Voldemort caressingly as the enormous animal approached and licked his hand affectionately with its parted tongue. "You already know our friend Severus, don't you?" The Dark Lord smiled, coldly amused. He gently stroked Nagini's head as he spoke deftly in Parseltongue.

Eyes wide in terror, Severus saw the malignant creature bow to her master and obediently move towards him, sinuously crawling on the floor until it reached the young wizard and wrapped herself around his body. Then the giant snake arrogantly raised her head and opened her mouth with a menacing hiss, baring her teeth as if she was deriding the frightened man trapped in its coils.

With a satisfied nod, savouring the moment in anticipation of an even more pleasant one, Voldemort said softly, "You see, Severus, I've never tried this magic on anyone else, because no one was powerful enough to endure it and survive. But the time is right; I'll finally have either the truth or your head. I hope you will enjoy this experience!"

Voldemort raised his wand and closed his eyes, mustering all his power to cast a supreme spell. Helpless, immobilized, terrified, Snape felt the immense power of his master gently but inexorably tightening its hold. A cold wave of light suddenly erupted from the wand, and a deep, uncontrollable spasm shook the defenceless young wizard as "something" seemed to disconnect from inside his chest. Painfully – so painfully! – with unbearable leisure, it began to make its way out through his flesh, following the movements of the wand.

The Dark Lord concentrated even more intensely, a faint, vindictive smile curling his lips, while Snape writhed in torture. Finally, with an ultimate devastating effort, the "thing" escaped, revealing itself as a luminous globe that immediately rose over the two men, dancing and rotating in lazy circles.

In a haze of pain, fear and disgust, Snape anxiously raised his eyes to follow the object extracted from his body, anguished to find that even such simple motion had become so extremely difficult.

The sphere was pulsating slowly, following the rhythm of Snape's heartbeat, he unexpectedly realized. From its brilliant, vivid surface, a multitude of images were continuously detaching, glowing and disappearing in a flashing carousel. Astonished, he understood that every one of the little pictures passing by was mutely displaying a moment of his life.

Trembling, he first saw a smiling Dumbledore, then his former colleagues, McGonagall, Flitwick, Sprout, Trelawney – so many faces alternating in such a frenetic confusion! – then his students and, going further back in time, his own schoolmates and friends and enemies and relatives, all in a vortex of colours and figures changing so quickly that it was practically impossible to catch them separately.

The Dark Lord impatiently waved his wand. Suddenly, the images scattered around, whirling in disorder until they completely vanished, totally unwrapping the globe so that only a vivid little pearl was left, its radiance almost unbearable.

"I did it!" exclaimed Voldemort in exultance. "I did it and you survived! Finally I'll have the proof I wanted!" Breathing excitedly, the Dark Lord moved closer and gently, very gently, touched the little sphere with the tip of his wand. Instantly, a flow of pure, immense, uncontainable energy coursed through Snape's body, and an intolerable pain made him convulse uncontrollably.

Voldemort looked disappointed and tried again, a tender, almost imperceptible touch. But the result was still terrifying. Though firmly held by the giant snake, Snape writhed even more forcefully and retched, a horrible, dry sound of anguish escaping his lips.

Frustrated, the Dark Lord stepped back and looked angrily at his exhausted prisoner. "Ah, Severus, Severus! Your soul is so well locked that if I try to open it, you will die. This is really exasperating... no way to scrutinize your inner self except by destroying it... and you!"

However, as he controlled his rage, Voldemort found himself smiling bitterly in reluctant admiration. "You are so brave, Severus..." he said thoughtfully in a curiously detached tone while Snape arched himself in agony, trying to fight back against the powerful, malignant force enfolding his body. "I believe that this is the true reason why I'll permit you to live. I cannot stand to waste your many outstanding qualities. Not considering the fact that for the others, you are a hero, my most loyal follower and Dumbledore's conqueror. How can I disillusion them?" he concluded ironically.

Sighing, the Dark Lord flicked his wand at the little sphere, and it flashed vividly in response; then it began to descend, following the movement of the wand until it disappeared with a last, tremulous twinkle inside Snape's chest, making the younger man faintly convulse one last time.

Voldemort paused meditatively then raised his head briskly. "Nagini!" he called again, and the giant snake turned her cold eyes to him, waiting for his command. "Let him go!" he ordered sharply.

Obediently, the beast opened her coils and released the shattered man, who was shaking in a cold sweat. With a gentle tap of her head, the snake even helped the young wizard return to his kneeling position before retreating quietly into the darkness. Swaying in exhaustion, Snape put the palms of his hands on the rough stones of the floor and braced himself, because he was dreadfully aware that the worst was still to come, but his hands were damp and slippery, and he lost his balance, falling hard on the ground where he lay motionless, panting heavily.

The Dark Lord moved closer and contemplated the fallen man with a thoughtful expression. Then he whispered softly, "Should I finish you now, lest you betray me in the future?"

Severus spasmed weakly then resigned to his fate. He felt so terribly weary, vulnerable and alone! The Plan had undeniably deserted him, and his suffering was surely punishment for his errors. Tears, those irrational expressions of weakness he hadn't experienced for so many years – now even more burning because of his failure – began to form under his eyelids as he hopelessly waited for the end.

The Dark Lord didn't move and stood still in contemplation until he finally murmured, "You have been too valuable, Severus, to let it end this way. Your services, though spoiled, are still useful. I must find a way to bind you unconditionally to my plans."

Suddenly, with another flick of his wand, Voldemort brutally lifted Snape from the ground, sustaining him until he had regained his balance and could stand, even if quivering, in front of his master.

"I've decided to give you another sign of my benevolence, Severus," the Dark Lord declared grimly. "And you can thank Narcissa for indirectly suggesting this idea. I'll imprint you with a most powerful mark, a seal that shall link you indissolubly to me. You will never again be able to separate your will from mine. The mark will keep you under control, and it will stop you if and when needed...

"But don't worry," he chuckled malignantly, "you will not die for any eventual disobedience. You'll just pay with your suffering... and let me advise you to be very careful, because it won't be pleasant at all. Only one other person in our world has unworthily had the honour of a connection with me, and you know him very well. I am speaking of our beloved Harry Potter, of course. He surely is a dear friend of yours, isn't he, Severus? I've heard you let him go free tonight and advised the others to spare him because he was reserved for me."

The high-pitched voice became sarcastic. "How touching of you to be so concerned about my orders, Severus! What else should I have expected from such a faithful servant as you? I wonder if your dreams of glory also included Potter's murder in the near future. Too bad you locked your soul so well!"

Then turning grave again, the Dark Lord held up a hand. "And now, Severus, be prepared. This is my reward, as I promised."

Blazing intensely with power, Voldemort raised his wand and cast a forceful curse. Fiercely hit by the unexpected violence of the spell, Snape gasped and staggered back as one deep and long slash, immediately followed by another, crossed his forehead. Little drops of blood instantly began to ooze from the wounds, but before he could wipe them away, the Dark Lord reiterated his spell, and with agonizing deliberation, a third red-glowing gash traced its way on his skin.

This time, the young wizard couldn't avoid a sharp cry and closed his eyes in pain, but the Dark Lord cruelly insisted until Snape, ceding him victory, sank to his knees and pressed his hands to his forehead with a choked sob.

"Three cuts, Severus, one for each of the times you came to me!" declared Voldemort harshly, breathing in excitement. "Three for the commitments you've taken: the first one with me, that you have betrayed, the second one, unbreakable, with Draco, and now the third, and most important, with me again! This is the mark which will seal my bond with you... and which will remind you that my patience has already reached its limits!"

The Dark Lord stopped to recover his breath when suddenly he seemed to have a new, pleasant inspiration, and he looked at his servant with a twisted smile.

"To make the spell even stronger, I believe I'll put a guardian to watch over you, and who better than Wormtail? I know very well the mutual respect you share for each other... but at least he can be trusted, a quality you've never possessed!" Voldemort added in cold sarcasm.

Silence fell between the two men in an unnatural pause, while the giant snake circled incessantly around them, and Snape breathed painfully, his head lowered in desperate impotence.

The Dark Lord stepped forward with arrogance. "Now, there is still one last condition. Look at me, Severus!" he ordered imperiously. Snape raised a devastated face, but he lowered it again almost immediately, keeping his lips pressed and his eyes obstinately closed.

"Look at me, I said," Voldemort repeated in an unexpectedly gentle tone while he stretched out a hand to reach Snape's chin.

The young wizard tried to resist, but the Dark Lord forced him to raise his head again. Defeated, Snape opened his reddened eyes, blinking fast to fight back the tears and avoid, at least, this final humiliation, but he wasn't quick enough. One little drop rounded itself and trickled down his cheek. The Dark Lord smiled and took it with the tip of his finger.

"You sealed the spell by yourself, Severus, so now you are totally, absolutely mine, and this will last forever. Anything you want to say, Severus? How do you like my reward?"

"I... I thank you, my Lord, for your immense mercy. I... know I didn't... deserve it," Snape muttered in a strangled voice, hating his Master for the terrible humiliation he suffered, but hating himself even more for his response.

"I'm glad to see you haven't forgotten your manners, my friend. There could still be hope for you after all," the Dark Lord declared, cruelly pleased to see that Snape was still strong enough to experience a feeling as forceful as hate. "So, Severus, you received the prize I promised – nobody should say the Dark Lord is ungrateful! – and you are now free to leave and wait for my future orders. I deeply recommend you think on my words while you enjoy your rest. Have a good night, my friend, and don't forget..." His voice became suddenly harsh. "The Potter boy belongs to me, as you were so eager to inform your fellow Death Eaters this night."

With an evil smile, the Dark Lord bowed ironically at his humiliated servant; then, with a soft pop, he and his pet snake Disapparated, leaving Snape alone in the cold, deserted and now completely darkened room.

Feeling thoroughly crushed, Severus took a deep breath and tried to regain his composure. Hesitantly, he touched the three scars on his forehead, still aching even as they were beginning to disappear, and a wild thought immediately crossed his mind. Slave! He had been marked as a slave, and he wouldn't be free ever again after this cursed night!

Fighting his confused emotions, Snape slowly buried his face into his hands and closed his eyes. Then, pain and weariness, humiliation and despair, anguish and uncertainty, all joined, hitting his exhausted being. After a few moments of vain struggle, the broken young man let himself drop to the floor, his cheek resting against the roughness of the stones, his mind torn apart, his body silently shaken by fierce, unrestrained sobs.

In the safe, hidden place in the future, Severus Snape looked blankly at the darkness with opened, blind eyes, while he clenched his hands in a hopeless effort to push back the same desperate tears.