3. Memories

3. Memories

"Mine is your mind..."

The room was now quiet, dark and suddenly vast and mysterious as a cave.

Severus closed his eyes and controlled his breathing, forcing himself to forget the pain and humiliation flowing into his exhausted body and mind. Then he waited in silence, grateful for the little pause that allowed him to reorganize his thoughts and prepare himself for the ordeal about to come.

A terrible suspicion had been torturing him since his arrival, and he was desperately trying to find an answer. Why was the Dark Lord so visibly angry with him? What could have possibly happened to change his position so unfavourably? His mind had thoroughly explored every option, but each new perspective was revealing more and more frightening possibilities.

The soft sound of footsteps slowly broke into his consciousness, as if coming from far away, and he opened his eyes in alarm, realising that his master was approaching.

"I believe I must exchange some words with my most loyal follower, Severus Snape." The Dark Lord's voice was silky, but his eyes were frightful as he began to walk in slow circles around the man keeling on the hard stones.

"How many propitious things have happened this night!" His words, sounding both ironic and pretentious, echoed against the walls and dispersed into the darkness, following the progression of his pacing.

"And you have played such an important role, haven't you, Severus?" Voldemort brusquely stopped to ask his question, then moved closer to the younger wizard, crossing the distance between them with slow steps until Snape felt his presence behind him and struggled to keep his growing apprehension under control.

Severus looked at himself from the hidden, safe place in the future, and his heart twisted in anguish, reliving the intense sensation of fear that had suddenly invaded his body under his master's merciless scrutiny. There had been no escape, no hope, no rescue for him. Time swirled into eternity when the Dark Lord met his servant's eyes and stared firmly into their black, fathomless depths.

"You are very quiet, my friend." Voldemort resumed his pacing, then stopped again to look at the flames slowly dying in the fireplace. "Where has your persuasive eloquence gone? Or should I ask you: why has it so unexpectedly vanished?"

Severus raised his head and opened his mouth to answer, but no sound came out. For the very first time in his life, there were no other possible options to which he could cling. He was completely alone and deeply scared of the creature standing in front of him, whose immense power was quietly, but inexorably encircling him.

"Come now, Severus!" The Dark Lord chuckled malignantly. "I can feel your fear. This night you have been constantly avoiding my gaze. Should I think that you are hiding something? Do you want me to suspect you are disloyal to your Lord?"

"Forgive me, Master." Snape finally succeeded in answering, his husky voice betraying his emotion. "I see you are disappointed, and I just can't imagine why. I've always been a faithful servant and ..."

"Faithful servant?" The Dark Lord interrupted him with a short, contemptuous laugh. "You still dare to proclaim your devotion? Do you really believe I totally trusted you during all these years? Why do you think I put Wormtail at your side? For a spy, Severus, you certainly are very naïve..."

Snape felt his heart skip a beat at this freezing declaration, but his face managed to stay expressionless while the Dark Lord went on with growing anger.

"How childish of you to think that your role could guarantee you immunity. It was too easy to play two parts! Loyal to me and loyal to the old fool, each time pretending you were acting for a greater good. Nobody would question your choices, and in case somebody did, your answer was always ready. You didn't want to reveal your hand. Wasn't this your excuse, Severus?

"And in addition to this questionable behaviour, those who are closer to you have been constantly reporting to me about your many little inconsistencies... a real collection of evidence, in spite of your justifications. Now, are you going to tell me you've never noticed that Bella was keeping a close watch on you?"

"Bellatrix has always detested me, Master," Snape answered hastily, doing his best to sound reasonable and even slightly resentful. He could not understand the reason behind this venomous attack, and his fear was increasing. "She has always been irrationally envious of everyone who could possibly interpose between herself... and your benevolence." He finished almost uncomfortably, letting a hint of bitterness colour his speech.

"Jealous, Severus?" The Dark Lord seemed coldly amused. "No, poor Bella should only blame her dedication. Twelve years in Azkaban have eroded her mind with pain and suffering, and she will never truly be herself again. Devotion is now her only reason to live, and yes, she's surely the most affectionate of my followers. But even if she may act unreasonably for what concerns my person, she is not totally blind. Fidelity has sharpened her senses, and she has always been sure of your betrayal."

The Dark Lord's reptilian eyes sparkled as he sardonically continued. "However, she too had to admit that it was impossible to prove your loyalties until you served two masters... but as I told her, why worry until you did the job you were expected to do and you did it well? Why stop you without any proof? After all, your mission was to be a liar. And finally, why upset my truly loyal followers by showing them that a traitor – and what a powerful traitor! – had comfortably made his nest amongst us? Better to keep you as an example of reliability, don't you think?"

Silence fell between the two men with a menacing pause while Voldemort seemed to weigh the young wizard, a disdainful expression curling his lips.

"All things considered, the situation has been entertaining, yes, greatly entertaining." The light, ironic tone frightfully contrasted with the anger clearly showing in the Dark Lord's eyes. "In fact, wasn't it amusing to see how concerned you looked each time you came to report your information? And at the same time, wasn't it enjoyable to notice how strong and trustful your confidence was becoming while you were performing your little ruse so well?"

Voldemort had a cruel smile on his face, watching Snape savour his words and their harsh, acrid taste. "So as you see, you shouldn't really reproach her. It wasn't only her scepticism that gave me a reason to doubt."

The Dark Lord crossed his arms. His sudden silence was even more frightening than his previous anger. "Now we are alone, Severus, and you will definitely tell me the truth. I've let you live because I didn't want to try you in front of the others on the night of our most important victory. Just imagine their shock and disbelief in discovering how well you have managed to deceive them all for such a long time..."

The Dark Lord paused significantly, then smiled sarcastically. "But perhaps you'll be able to favourably surprise me once more. Do it, please, Severus. Otherwise you'll pay for your faults with your own life... and in an extremely painful way." Again the Dark Lord had a twisted smile. "Be convincing, if you can."

Voldemort moved closer and leaned to stare resolutely into the young wizard's tormented eyes, his evil power gradually enveloping him like the coils of a poisonous snake. "You see, Severus, this night you'll be offered the chance to discover my inner thoughts. No more mysteries between you and me, no more secrets. Just think how many of your fellow Death Eaters would willingly trade their souls to have the possibility of catching a glimpse of my mind! And here you are, the only one whom I have deemed worthy. Enjoy this opportunity, Severus! Nobody has ever done it and survived."

The Dark Lord straightened up, and Snape swayed in weakness. Kneeling on the floor was becoming an intolerable torture in itself, and his mind was working furiously to protect his thoughts from the terrible pressure his master was intensifying. And the question was always there, burning implacably: what could have happened to generate such anger, to raise again the suspicions he had believed to be totally erased, the doubts which he had thought no longer remained?

"Tired, my friend?" Voldemort raised an eyebrow, obviously enjoying Snape's weariness. "Then let's put an end to our uncertainty. Let's give an answer to the many questions you left unanswered, and let's begin with a very important one. Why didn't you tell me immediately about the Unbreakable Vow? I had to find out from Bellatrix... not that she was very eager to let me know her sister's plan; too afraid for her and probably for Draco. But even more important, why did you accept to take it? Did you want to comfort poor, lonely Narcissa?"

A mocking expression appeared on the Dark Lord's hideous features. "I'm pleased to see the great affection that has developed between the two of you. Lucius, too, will surely be delighted to know how much you cared for his wife when the gates of Azkaban are opened again... and this will happen soon."

Instinctively, Snape made to protest, but the Dark Lord aimed his wand at him in irritation and hissed dangerously. "Manners, my friend! I have not permitted you to speak!"

For a moment suspended in eternity, before the spell could hit him with its stinging power, Severus saw himself roaring the same words to a dark haired, bespectacled boy, who was looking at him in anger and despise.

"You've had your revenge, Potter!" he thought bitterly, struggling to keep his balance in the haze of pain and confusion that followed the blast. Then he whispered a quiet, "I'm sorry, Master," raising his hand to wipe away the little drops of blood slowly trickling down from his scratched cheek.

The Dark Lord frowned in grim approval and went on impatiently. "Didn't you know that an Unbreakable Vow could not be broken or solved or modified in any way? Didn't you think that you were going to be bound eternally to the boy with a bond that is even stronger than the one I sealed on your arm?"

A frightful pause followed. Then the Dark Lord icily added, "I presume you can give me an explanation."

Searching for a response that would please his tormenter, Snape hesitated then answered in the most sincere tone he could achieve, lowering his head as if regretting his action. "I admit I probably have been highly unwise, my Lord, but I thought that helping the boy could have only resulted in achieving your plans... please forgive my impulsiveness."

Then, hesitating even more – because he knew he was venturing on a risky path, but he needed to test his master's reactions – he added softly, "I did it only to ensure success, my Lord. Please believe me." Then he waited in hope.

"A noble thought indeed, Severus." Voldemort was staring at him so intensely that Snape, not daring to raise his head yet, felt his skin burn under the gaze. "But finally, the truth has come out. And the truth is that you effectively wanted complete success... but only for yourself. You knew from the beginning that Draco would not be able to perform his mission. What could an inept boy do against a wizard as powerful as Dumbledore? But you could, Severus, and that's what's troubling me. You weren't supposed to interfere, but you did. Again I ask you: why?"

Terrified by the result of his attempt, Snape tried to object, but the Dark Lord raised his wand in anger. "I warned you, Severus. You will not leave this room until you've finally, unquestionably told me the truth. And believe me, you will, but this time, I'm not going to be as merciful as I was for young, foolish Draco. I spared him because he is only a boy and I need fresh forces in my army. But now he has become dangerous, because he has a link with you that cannot be removed, more binding than his own blood ties."

Snape once more moved involuntarily, and Voldemort stopped him, narrowing his eyes. "Why do you think I wasted so much time with Draco, rather than immediately give him the punishment he so greatly deserved? Because the Vow would have asked you to stop me at any cost, even with the sacrifice of your life. This way instead, with a little pressure, the boy voluntarily accepted my sentence, thus releasing you from your obligation. And most importantly, neither he nor his adoring mother understands how forcefully you have been bound by your promise. But as you see, thanks to the Vow, Draco's safety has already become vital to you, even more imperative than my will!

"Should I add something more? You are not a man to risk your life for a useless brat... or a beautiful woman, even one as attractive as Narcissa. Do you want me to tell you what I believe were your true motivations? It wasn't your loyalty or your commitment or your affection for the boy. Oh no, my friend! You accepted that bond because you needed justification to be the one to kill Dumbledore. You had been given the chance to fulfil your heart's desire and were ready to take it!"

The Dark Lord paused in his vehemence and declared musingly, "You wanted the power you would receive from your actions. Don't deny it, Severus, I know you too well. I never thought you were working for Dumbledore, as poor Bella obsessively repeated to me. You are ambitious, and the object of your ambition is power."

Voldemort lowered his voice, becoming angrier. "I'd been adamant with Draco that he should keep you totally unaware of his projects, and I know that the boy was too frightened to speak. How maddening this uncertainty must have been for you! You didn't know what was happening, and you were afraid that somebody else would ruin your plans and steal your glory... perhaps even the boy himself!

"That's why you hurried so fast to get to the tower in time. The Vow was calling you, offering the right opportunity to fulfil your wishes and, at the same time, to present me with extraordinary proof of your loyalty. And that's why you pushed Draco aside and prevented the others from making a move: because the boy was right in his accusation. To kill such a powerful wizard was going to give you even more strength and influence. The others may desire more power... but you... you want THE power. And this cannot be tolerated."

Voldemort paused to take a deep breath then concluded with a deceivingly silky tone. "So, my devoted servant, I accuse you of the most grievous and unforgivable sin I could ever accuse one of my followers of making: of being an astute, disloyal, meddling opportunist!"

Slowly, Snape raised his head to look at his master, and the Dark Lord returned his gaze in contempt.

"You deny it, Severus?" he asked disdainfully.

Feeling too weak to react at the unexpected, incredible accusation and unable to sustain any longer the battle against the power that so terribly challenged him, Snape totally voided himself of feelings and emotions. Exhausted, he renounced any resistance and abandoned himself into the arms of his supreme master, the real owner of his soul, the one he had always bowed to: The Plan.

"If you believe this, Master, then kill me now," he replied quietly, offering his empty eyes and mind to the Dark Lord's scrutiny and his broken body to the fate he now believed to be inevitable. "Give me death by your wand, and I'll welcome it."

Voldemort hesitated and, for a moment, looked uncharacteristically uncertain. After a few seconds of silence that seemed to last forever, he lowered his wand. Then, still staring intensely at Snape, he conjured an armchair, and sitting slowly upon it, he rested his chin on one fist, the other hand softly caressing the armrest, and appeared to be lost in thought.

"You really are a riddle, Severus," he finally murmured, and for a long, unreal instant, he looked unexpectedly human and old – incredibly old. "How can I try you? How can I definitely determine what is in your mind?"

Comforted by the hesitation of the man sitting in front of him, Snape felt a stream of renewed energy run through his veins, pervading him with a wild joy. So the master wasn't sure of his accusations! Paranoid and obsessed as he was, the Dark Lord was trying to see if there had been deception, and Snape's prompt submission had greatly disconcerted him. Maybe The Plan had not deserted its servant after all? Perhaps a new, promising scheme was just revealing itself. He dared to raise his eyes and look at his master, mutely answering the question.

The Dark Lord seemed strangely pleased. "Ah!" he exclaimed softly. "The old Severus is back again... I can see the cunning in your eyes. You have always been a resourceful man. Are you going to surprise me again as I asked you before?"

Voldemort stared intently at the younger wizard; then he laid his hands on his lap and leaned back, giving voice to his inner thoughts, not caring to hide his own emotions. "Ah, Severus, Severus... You have the best qualities of the four Hogwarts Houses: ambitious as a Slytherin, brave as a Gryffindor, clever as a Ravenclaw, and loyal as... well no, loyal may not be the correct word."

Once more, the old wizard and his young follower looked at each other, as if they were comparing their strengths. There was a curious twinkle in the Dark Lord's eyes when he spoke again.

"That's the third time you've come to me, Severus. The first time, you were a young, bold man, sharp and full of hate. Oh, yes... I could recognize it so easily. After all, we both were raised with hate. Hate is a powerful force. And in spite of what Dumbledore may have told you, hate is much more powerful than love. And you are proof, aren't you, Severus?

"The second time, the night of my rebirth, you arrived later than the others. I was highly disappointed, do you remember, my friend? I thought that you had definitely left my side to join the old fool... but finally, you came back and your excuses were... if not convincing, let's say at least acceptable. However, I knew that something had changed forever."

The Dark Lord stopped his speech and waited in meditation. His face, already awful, had become even more fearful in its cruel, inhumane expression.

"You wanted the Power; I could feel it." His tone was now low and remote. "That's when I began to doubt your loyalties. You were longing for something that could make you more and more powerful. I could see the yearning in your eyes when you looked at my reborn figure and wondered if I truly was real, if I had really gone beyond my corporeal limits and submitted them to my will. But I warn you, Severus. There is a price to be paid. Mine was immense! I was exiled on the other side of existence and almost reached Death's gates, nearly touching them with my hands. I lost my body, my features, my nature, and changed into something much more than human... but always frustratingly far from perfection. Are you prepared for such a sacrifice?"

Voldemort was still, wandering once more in contemplation, but when he spoke again, his voice sounded somewhat amused. "Half Blood Prince, I remember well. Wasn't this the name you had chosen for yourself so many years ago? I suppose a sovereign can allow a prince in his realm... but not another king."

Again, time seemed to elapse in a different dimension while Voldemort sat still, meditating in his chair, and Snape waited in a hopeful silence, well aware of the struggle inside his master. Finally, the Dark Lord seemed to have made his decision. "So, Severus, you were my follower, my adviser, my friend... Should I call you my ally now? Have you the power to stand by me? Think carefully, Severus... This time, no repentance will be allowed."

Incredulous, Snape understood that the Dark Lord had been testing him for the very last time and that a new, extraordinary chance was being offered to him. Exultant, he unlocked his mind and let the full force of The Plan pervade him.

A torrent of uncontained emotions exploded ferociously inside his body, and he shivered uncontrollably while flashing images showing a future of power and glory, force and magnificence, danced wildly in his mind. Relief, joy, pride, hope, desire... all joined in a whirl so amazingly breathtaking that he moaned softly, trying to regain control. Never had he dreamed that he could have such a glorious destiny! In a mist of blurred sensations, he could see his magical power growing invincible while he towered over an awestruck wizarding world. Master of himself, judge of those who were no longer his equals, ruler of the other frail human beings; everything was possible, because might and supremacy were somewhere out there waiting for him.

His imagination blissfully explored endless possibilities... until, unexpectedly, he met his master's frightful eyes and knew he was completely, absolutely lost.

The Dark Lord was smiling triumphantly; his feral smile and evil pleasure slowly transforming his features. He rose from his chair and made it disappear with a quick wave of his wand. "I have won, Severus," he declared briefly.

Infinitely grateful thanks to my wonderful betas Jynx67, Pennfana and Notsosaintly.