Chapter 2: Maenner/Men

Disclaimer: None of the characters or settings are mine. I only play with them for a while.

A/N: I'm happy to finally be able to thank my betas lux_astraea and lady_karelia for all their help and being available literally at the last minute. *hugs* Thanks also to firefly124 for helping with the brainstorming at crucial moments and for helping with the chapter titles. And finally I'm indebted to lux_astraea for all our brainstorming sessions when I came to visit after Easter and in several chat sessions after that. Without her this fic would never have seen the light of day and I would be on Shiv's wall of shame. Thanks sooooo much!!! *death-hugs* Also thanks for supplying the Chinese for Voldemort's new title *winks* She had some really good ideas with regards to the different pairings as well and is totally responsible about how the foursome turned out. :D

Thanks also to the little one, who deigns to put up with Mommy's writing antics.

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Trials of Matchmaking by shalimar1981

Chapter 2: Maenner/Men

I must be out of my mind, Hermione thought as she stood in front of the door to Severus Snape's rooms at number twelve, Grimmauld Place the next morning. Very early the next morning.

The party had gone on quite a while longer, but Remus and she had made a pact to stay close for the rest of the evening, which hadn't been all that hard to maintain. They talked about all and nothing for hours on end usually, so this hadn't been much of a change for them. Although she had to admit that it was becoming somewhat bittersweet for her. For quite a few months now she'd been feeling much more than just friendship for Remus Lupin, but there had never been a hint of more between them, and so she was hesitant to risk another friendship because of her silly heart.

True, with Ron things were much better now that they had finally tried – and failed – at a relationship. Things could've turned out much worse than they had when they broke up after only three weeks. Still, they had both been far from mature and had sniped at each other constantly for a while until they finally sat down and talked things through.

Now things were much better between her and Ron, and while Remus was older and much more mature, she had to admit she wasn't. After all, she was only eighteen! She had the feeling that she'd end up behaving similarly with Remus if they began a relationship now, as much as it pained her to think it. She couldn't even hear him talk about his exes without having to fight the urge to hex him into next week!

But look at her! Here she was thinking about a relationship with Remus when he hadn't so much as looked at her inappropriately. And all this didn't even take into account her strange fixation with another one of her ex-professors. Which was nothing short of masochistic, if she were honest with herself. That the two of them were basically roommates and shared the attic floor at Grimmauld Place – as hard as that was to believe – didn't make things any easier.

You think too much, a part of her mind thought unhelpfully as she was standing in front of Snape's door. What was that supposed to mean anyway?!

"Thanks a lot," she muttered to herself under her breath and knocked two times.

True enough, the first sign of life from the inside the room was the sound of glass shattering against the door, followed by a growled, "Bugger off!"

She wasn't dissuaded that easily.

"Mr Snape, it's Hermione Granger." She took a few steps away from the door.

Thonk! That sounded like it had been one of his boots. Ouch.

"Very funny, Lupin. I didn't know you could do voice imitations as well. Go away!"

What the...? Oh!

"Mr Snape, I beat your Transfiguration and Charms NEWTs, tied with your Potions and Herbology NEWTs and was behind your DADA NEWT by only 50 points."

The door whirled open so quickly she had to wonder if he had been standing behind the door and if he didn't have a hangover after last nights' drinking orgy. As hard as that was to imagine, considering the amount of alcohol he'd consumed.

If he didn't have one she might as well leave right now.

But she wasn't to be disappointed. The door opened and revealed a ragged-looking Severus Snape. Having just thrown an old, black dressing gown of indeterminate texture over an old-fashioned nightshirt, his black hair stood on end, his skin was even paler than usual and his eyes were red-rimmed.

In short, he looked like Death warmed over.

Good, Hermione thought. She had nothing – or at least not much – against the man (quite to the contrary actually), but she had a purpose and she'd have no chance if he were at his best.

She smiled winningly at him, and instantly a frown scrunched up his face in suspicion.

"What the hell do you want here?"

"Good morning to you, too, Mr Snape. This is my best friend's house or did you forget?" she asked innocently.

"How could I? Since he had to be so bloody noble and invited me to live here 'saving me from a life of poverty and destitution'?" he growled back. "And don't give me that. You know what I meant. Why would you visit me, when all your friends are either downstairs or next door?"

"Patience."

"I'll give you..."

"Ah-ah-ah! Guess what I have with me?"

He stared at her. "What do you want?"

"Your help."

He uttered something that was probably supposed to be a laugh. "'My help'? With what?"

"An experimental potion that is not yielding results."

He laughed again. "I'm a Squib, what could I possibly help you with, even if I wanted to?"

"With a potion to increase magical energy in Squibs of course."

He stared at her for longer this time. "So far that's not possible."

She nodded. "So far."

"Well, as you tied with my own Potions NEWT, you can bloody well do it yourself," Snape said ill-temperedly and slammed the door in her face. Or would have if she hadn't expected that development and placed her foot (in quite comfy dragon-hide shoes) in the doorway.

She merely said two words: "Hangover Remedy."

Silence reigned for a few long moments, then a long-suffering sigh and slow steps back to the door were heard. It was opened much more slowly this time, to reveal the resigned expression of Severus Snape, holding out his hand expectantly.

"Aren't you going to ask me in?"

"Not for a Hangover Remedy."

"Pity," she said, not moving an inch and looking at him expectantly.

With an impatient and slightly disbelieving snort, which only he could pull off Hermione was convinced, and pinching the bridge of his nose with a pained expression, he opened the door wider with a mumbled, "Come in then." She complied with a huge smile on her face, looking around the cluttered room interestedly and began to rummage in her work-robes, finally withdrawing the vial in question.

Snape held out his hand again, but she moved it out of his reach. "Are you going to consider helping me or not?"

He stared at her incredulously. "You're trying to bribe me with a Hangover Potion?"

"Yes, although I'd rather call it an incentive."

"No doubt you would," he replied, looking at her strangely. "All right. What are you using as a base? A Strengthening Potion?"

"Of course not. Modifying that potion would incinerate Hogwarts," she replied and handed over the vial.

"From what I heard you're doing that anyway. In my lab!" He smirked and quickly downed the contents of the vial with a slight grimace.

"It's not your lab, but that of Professor Foster now. Besides, I'm using one of the storerooms on the second floor, very far from any inhabited areas."

The corner of his mouth twitched. "The second floor storerooms? They managed to foist one of those sardine cans on you? They try that with every new member of staff, especially those handling noxious or dangerous substances. I demanded the dungeons for the same logical reasons," he replied with a smirk.

She flushed in embarrassment because he knew of her botched experiment, about the abysmal working quarters the staff had 'recommended' she take and the fact that they hadn't duped him.

Hmph.

"Anyway..."

"So not a Strengthening Potion... An Invigorating Draught perhaps then?"

"No to both. Is the exam over now? I used a combination of PepperUp with an Invigorating Draught as a base and tried to replace the Mandrake root with Moonstone so far."

"The Mandrake root... One would think that a volatile substance such as a combination of those two Potions would explode immediately if you remove the stabiliser."

She nodded. "Indeed, but it doesn't."

He raised an eyebrow and she blushed. Of course he had to bring up the owl incident again. "Usually it doesn't, I should say. I was... distracted for a moment."

"Right. That poor owl..." he trailed off.

"If Molly didn't have to send her bloody invitations when she knows perfectly well that I can't be disturbed, it's her bloody fault and not mine that that owl got in when I had to open the bloody window for five bloody minutes!" she ranted, then slapped a hand to her mouth in mortification.

He nodded, the corner of his mouth twitching. "Have you tried substituting the Mimbulus Mimbletonia roots with daisy petals?" he asked, ignoring her outburst completely.

She gaped at him. "But you always told us in class..."

"And right I was to tell students that. One wouldn't want to create a poisonous gas by accident in a roomful of adolescents. Or rather one shouldn't according to Hogwarts regulations. But if you add the right amount of counter-stirs and some lavender as an additional stabiliser, it should keep the potion from exploding. If it is any good we'll have to see then."

She started to smile. "We?"

"I need two strong cups of coffee before I can even think about starting work in the mornings, so I suggest you arrive here early before we leave."

"I'm going to pick you up?"

"If you recall I can't Apparate, and I refuse to use that infernal Knight Bus."

"Yes! Yes, of course. Is eight all right?" she asked excitedly.

"That is acceptable. Till tomorrow, Miss Granger," he replied and looked at her pointedly.

She gave him a quizzical look at the abrupt dismissal.

"Good day, Miss Granger. I just woke up, and I need to go to the bathroom now before your friend, the Beast, uses up all the hot water."

She blushed bright red, not from embarrassment this time but rather from the unwanted conjured images of first Snape and then Remus naked and wet in a shower. She choked and coughed and made vague waving motions with her hand and left quickly, leaving a frowning Snape behind.

~*~*~*~*~

Around the same time downstairs in the kitchen Molly Weasley was preparing breakfast and trying to grill her son, Ron, on his love life. She was really good at multi-tasking. It was going well, too, after two minutes of subtle questioning he was already squirming in his seat.

"What about that nice young girl, Susan?" Molly suggested. He wasn't taking the subtle hints so she'd decided to up the interrogation a little.

"Her? I think she's seeing someone," Ron answered, looking distinctly uncomfortable.

"Really, I hadn't heard. That's nice for her, isn't it?" She turned from the stove, looking at him where he sat at the breakfast table, juice in hand.

"Yeah, I suppose," he replied, looking as his juice intently.

She rolled her eyes and turned back to her cooking. It's like trying to get blood out of a stone with him lately, she thought.

"Are there any girls you like at the moment?" she asked. There, straight to the point, she thought. Avoid that.

"Not really," he replied.

Molly paused before replying, Hmm, I wonder...

"Oh, not really?" she repeated back to him, glancing over her shoulder.

"That's right," he nodded.

"So there's no one you like?" she said, emphasising the 'no one' a little.

He shook his head rather quickly in reply and Molly turned back to the cooking to hide her thoughtful smile. If she knew her son, and she'd be willing to bet all her signed Gilderoy Lockhart memorabilia that she did, it seemed Ronald might possibly be playing for the other team. Better not let him think I know just yet, she thought. Wait until I'm sure.

She put the tomatoes onto the hob and waved her wand to get the toast prepared quickly; breakfast was nearly done. I could see if Remus will talk to him! she realised. He seems to be a player for that team on occasion, too, after all that happened with... Yes, that's what I'll do, talk to Remus.

Smiling to herself, pleased she'd thought up a plan, she turned her thoughts back to the conversation she was still having with Ron.

"Honestly, Ronald, I don't know," she said, turning the sausages over with one hand and stirring the beans in the saucepan with the other. "When are you going to settle down and find a nice young girl?"

"Muuu-uum," Ron whined, putting his glass of pumpkin juice down onto the table. "I'm... well, I'm just taking it easy, you know."

"No, I don't know actually," she replied.

She heard him sigh and a 'thunk' told her that his head was now on the table, next to his glass.

~*~*~*~*~

Soon enough, Remus made his way down to breakfast with a disgruntled Snape. Tonks and Neville, who had stayed overnight after the party, Ron, Harry and Ginny were already sitting around the kitchen table. They joined them at one end of the long table while Molly was bustling around the kitchen in last-minute preparations of the meal. It was never wise to disturb her until all was finished.

What puzzled Remus was that Molly kept shooting him and Ron of all people pointed looks. It started to make Remus very uncomfortable. Who knew what scheme she was concocting now? Whatever it was, it couldn't be good.

So Remus tried to act oblivious, his only weapon against Molly's machinations. Not very effective, it was true, but it was handy sometimes and often managed to delay the inevitable a little at least.

But when he looked in the round of the assembled all but one pair of eyes were on him. Snape was frowning at him, which in itself wasn't unusual, Tonks and Ginny were grinning at him, Molly had a speculative glint in her eyes, which made him very nervous, and Neville looked at him with something akin to pity in his eyes. Only Ron was looking off into space with a kind of dazed smile on his face.

Oh, no. It can't be. Not yet! Remus thought with a panicked glance at Molly. It couldn't be his turn yet to be paired up!

"What?" he finally asked weakly into the round. Better to face this head on. Maybe I'm wrong...

Ginny's and Tonks' grins widened. "You were getting along really well with Hermione last night, Remus," said Ginny.

"We're friends. So one would hope we would get along well," he said, carefully keeping his voice neutral. If Molly got wind of his feelings, it could botch everything up before it even had a chance to start!

"You two sat quite close to each other, laughing and whispering."

"Well, I never comment when you and Hermione sit quite close together, laughing and whispering either, Ginny," Remus replied pointedly.

"True, but when we do that I never have my hand on her knee, stroking it all night," Ginny closed with a chuckle.

Remus felt heat flare up in his face as he looked from one to the other in the round. Had he really? But the expressions on everyone's faces were all the confirmation he needed. Why was Snape looking at him as if he wanted to kill him? Well, this time in any case?

Considering the topic... Nah, he can't be jealous... can he?

"Well, I...."

"Don't deny it, Remus. Everyone saw it. Everyone's been speculating about you two since Mum drag...I mean, brought her over to sit next to you last night," Ginny said.

"Come on, Remus, you did always get overly physical when interested in someone," Dora added in a no-nonsense manner.

Remus looked at her, genuinely puzzled and wondered what that 'always' had implied. Tonks could only know how he had behaved toward herself, and he couldn't deny that he had been somewhat touchy-feely toward her. But wasn't everyone when they were interested in someone? Also there had been no one before that save... Did someone know of him and Rosmerta's niece, Rebecca, during his tenure at Hogwarts? Nah, they couldn't...

Great, he thought. Now Neville was glaring at him, his expression like a thundercloud. What did the young man expect? That they'd just gazed at each other star-struck while they had been together?

He dearly hoped that Dora wouldn't reveal one of his more... extravagant sexual preferences. Then Neville would surely either try to kill him or ask Remus to teach him as well – Remus did not look forward to either.

Tonks was just opening her mouth again to say heaven knew what next, when...

"That is very interesting to know, Nymphadora. I wonder what 'overly' physical means to you considering the weird noises I could hear up in my room last night. Wailing, yelling, squealing and the odd 'Oi, spank me, Nevie-kins!' echoing up to the attic from the first floor," Snape said with a smirk at Tonks' now beet-red face. "I wonder though how you two even managed to get that far, considering the awful racket two hours prior, consisting of furniture tossed about, yells of pain and a long merciful silence which I can only assume to be a period of necessary recuperation, prior to the actual act which lasted about ten minutes."

Snape stood up from his place at the table. "Do everyone the favour of never procreating. The combination of such immense clumsiness on both sides would surely result in a child so clumsy it would be a hazard to itself and to everyone around it. Oh, you might want to consider putting Silencing Charms on the ceiling as well, next time you're here. Good day."

With that Snape left, having had no breakfast, and leaving two people embarrassed and red-faced, one person very intrigued and the others trying hard not to laugh.

Remus himself was very confused. Had Snape just saved him from further embarrassment? What the hell was going on?!

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A/N: The chapter title is taken from the song 'Maenner/Men' by Herbert Groenemeyer, a German singer/composer.