Epilogue: The Consequences of Our Decisions

A/N: The Authors Notes may contain spoilers for Deathly Hallows.

I must extend love and gratitude to Keladry Lupin, DeeMichelle, and MagicAlly, who betaed and Brit-picked this chapter for me. Much thanks as well to sshg316 and Minuet99, who alpha read for me.

Please keep in mind that two-thirds of this was written the day Deathly Hallows was released, and the remaining third was written last weekend. Although we discovered the answers to many questions in Book 7, you will see that I did not alter my story to fit hers.

Unseen

Epilogue: The Consequences of Our Decisions

September, 1979

Lily Evans laboured over her improvised worktable with great concentration, watched from across the room by a group of men. Her attention was so focussed, she was unaware of the low murmur of their voices.

A door opened and Sirius Black entered, his face distraught. 'Well?' he asked tersely.

James Potter rose from his seat and took Sirius by the arm, leading him from the make-shift cellar laboratory at Gryphon Keep. After a moment, Albus Dumbledore and Alastor Moody stood and exited the room, too.

James was standing quite close to his best mate, speaking in a soothing tone of voice. 'She's working as fast as she can,' he said. 'She's broken down Snape's poison and worked out an antidote; she's brewing now.'

'Fucking Snivellus,' Sirius spat with great heat. He dragged one trembling hand across his face.

'Go up to the kitchen, mate,' James said, putting his arm around Sirius and urging him toward the stairs. 'Nonny would be delighted to fuss over you, and you could use a square meal.'

Sirius relented and headed up the stairs, and James rejoined Dumbledore and Moody. 'This school poisoning has hit Sirius really hard,' he said.

Moody nodded curtly. 'He takes responsibility seriously, does young Black. He volunteered to patrol in Hogsmeade. He'll make a top Auror, if he ever has a chance to accept his appointment to the academy.' Moody darted a glare at James. 'That goes for both of you,' he barked.

James grinned. 'Ah, go on, Mad-Eye. If you had Sirius and me as Aurors, the rest of your hair would turn white.' He sobered after a moment. 'I would have been in the academy if Mum and Dad hadn't died last summer – and Sirius didn't want to go without me, you know.'

Dumbledore spoke quietly over Moody's grunt of acknowledgement. 'You and your friends have been of invaluable assistance to the Order, James. You've even allowed us to use your home as our headquarters.' He placed a comforting hand on James' shoulder. 'I, too, believe that you and Sirius would make fine Aurors, but I cannot help but be thankful that you have the free time to assist us as you have done.'

The laboratory door opened, and Lily stood leaning on the doorframe. She had not slept since the sample of the poisoned water from the Hogsmeade Primary School had been delivered. She held out a large rectangular box subdivided into many small compartments; each compartment held a stoppered phial. 'There are enough doses here for each of the poisoned students,' she said. 'I'm sorry it took so long.'

Moody took the box from her, and James pulled her into his arms. 'It's only been six hours since you made the big break-through at about three this morning,' he said, stroking her hair. 'What was it you said? That you had forgotten how he liked to add in the odd anti-clockwise stir?'

Lily nodded wearily, letting James support her weight. 'If I had remembered that little trick of his, I would have been finished hours sooner,' she said and leant against his chest, exhausted.

James put his arm around her and led her to the staircase. 'You're going to eat, and then you're going to bathe, and then you're going to sleep,' he said, as he walked her up to the ground floor. 'You'll be a bride in two weeks – we can't have you looking so pale and tired.'

At the top of the stairwell, Lily took James' hand and nursed it to her cheek, smiling at him. 'You're so sweet to me,' she said.

James brushed dark red hair back from her face. 'I just love you, silly.'

---

Moody and Dumbledore said their good-byes as James shepherded Lily to join Sirius in the kitchen.

'Clever lass,' Moody rumbled as he and Dumbledore stepped out into the sunny autumn afternoon.

'She's gifted,' Dumbledore said. 'I sent samples of the poisoned water to Horace Slughorn and hand-delivered additional specimens to the Potions masters at Durmstrang and Beauxbatons. Only Lily broke the formula.'

'Recruiting her was one of your best coups,' Moody said with a smirk.

'I didn't recruit Lily,' Dumbledore replied. 'Harry Potter, James' father, did.'

---

Severus roused only when he realised the pounding in his head was coming from the door, not his dream. He stumbled from the bed and opened the door, prepared to eviscerate the intruder.

'The Dark Lord is asking for you,' Lucius Malfoy said, looking him up and down. 'Perhaps you should bathe, first.'

Severus turned on his heel, leaving the door open, and slouched across the room to take his robes from the wardrobe. Malfoy lounged with one shoulder propped on the wall, his gaze riveted upon the tousled hair of the feminine figure in Severus' bed.

'Oh, I say,' Malfoy said, 'is that Lisette McNair?'

Severus glanced at the bed. 'I forgot about her,' he said. He strode to the bedside and nudged the prone figure. 'Wake up, Miss McNair.'

The girl sat up, clutching the sheet to her chest. 'Do I have to go?' she asked plaintively. 'I wouldn't mind waiting ....'

'Go!' Severus snarled, pointing to the still open door.

Miss McNair climbed from the bed, wrapping the sheet about her, toga-style, and departed, leaving the door open, as it had been. Severus took up his wand and caused the door to slam closed, then performed a hasty cleansing charm on his hair and his body before beginning to dress.

Forgoing the urge to suggest that perhaps actual soap and water would be beneficial to the excessively oily hair and skin of the bad-tempered Snape, Lucius contented himself with general maliciousness. 'Disappointed another one, Severus?' he said, amused. 'You're the talk of the Dark Lord's bed-mate brigade, you know. One wonders where you find the energy for brewing, considering how ... thorough you are with the ladies.'

Severus completed his toilette by washing his face and hands with the water in the bowl on the dresser. 'Sod off, Lucius,' he said, before leading the way down the corridor and into the Malfoy Manor drawing room, which had been appropriated for Lord Voldemort's use.

'My Lord,' he said, dropping to his knees and raising the hem of the garment to his lips. He knew several of his brothers were seated behind him, which made him nervous, but he betrayed no discomfort.

'You may rise, Severus,' the Dark Lord said, obviously in a benevolent mood. 'I called for you because I wanted you to know how well your potion has succeeded.'

Severus' eyes lit up. 'The topical application for joint pain, my Lord? You have permitted its use in clinical testing? I think it may prove quite beneficial to curse victims....'

The Death Eaters seated across the room tittered, and the Dark Lord himself was amused, as well. 'No, not that potion – the one you created for my arsenal.'

Severus lowered his eyes, schooling himself to polite attention. He had two jobs as the Dark Lord's chief potion-brewer: he created weapons to use against their enemies, and if he had free time, he was given the equipment and the ingredients to create palliatives for their allies. He balanced destruction – which he viewed as self-defence against those who sought to harm the Dark Lord – with healing, which he brought to those of his Lordship's followers who were injured in the line of duty.

'Of course, my Lord,' he said politely. 'Thank you for informing me of its successful use. May I inquire as to which of our enemies were punished?'

Outright laughter erupted behind him, and Severus glanced over his shoulder with a sneer. Bellatrix Black sat upon the knee of Rodolphus Lestrange; they were joined by two thug-like creatures called Crabbe and Goyle. All four were laughing uproariously.

'Silence!' Lord Voldemort hissed, and the room became still. 'Your brothers are amused, Severus, because the potion was quite lethal. Did you know that your old schoolmaster, Dumbledore, has persuaded the governors of the Hogsmeade Primary School to offer a boarding school for Muggle-born students? The children who are scheduled to receive Hogwarts letters are approached a year early, and offered the opportunity to live and attend school in a wizarding environment, preparing them in advance for the wizarding world.' Voldemort smiled thinly. 'You will be so pleased, my son. Seven of the twenty-five Mudbloods died; fourteen others are at St Mungo's. Well done!'

---

Severus retched again, holding onto the porcelain of the toilet with trembling hands. He was thankful for the bathroom in the underground level of Malfoy Manor, where the potions workshop was located. It was the only bathroom in the house in which he enjoyed any privacy at all. Lord Voldemort took pleasure in keeping his Death Eaters on a very short leash.

Standing, Severus turned to the sink and splashed water on his face repeatedly. How like the Dark Lord to give him an assignment, letting him believe he was creating a weapon to be used against a legitimate enemy, only to pervert the use of the potion in some sick way.

Regret was like a bitter, burning fire in his belly, and no potion for indigestion, ulcer, or stomach upset made the least difference to the discomfort. It was with him all the time, constantly souring his appetite – and his disposition.

His day was already ruined – he might as well make it complete.

Exiting the bathroom, he moved over to the desk provided for his use and removed the ward on the drawer. From within, he extracted a copy of the Daily Prophet, dated two weeks previously. Like a man pouring salt on a wound, he opened the paper to the announcements page and let it fall to the desk top.

Lily looked lovingly into the eyes of her husband-to-be, James Potter, above a short article about their upcoming wedding. By the time the happy couple had turned their attention to smile and wave at the reader, Severus had already thrust the newsprint back into the drawer and warded it again, cursing.

In two weeks, Lily Anne Evans would be come Potter's wife and be irrevocably lost to him.

---

Two weeks later

Pepper sat nervously in the dodgiest-looking pub in Godric's Hollow. The patrons seemed to be there for nothing but drinking, and most of them sat morosely over their pints, paying no mind to the young girl sitting alone at the booth in the corner. For the fifth time in ten minutes, she flipped open her compact and peered in the mirror, checking her hair and make-up by the dim bulb. She had ducked out on the supper the wedding party were enjoying together at the hotel on the High Street. The men and women would separate after pudding for the hen and stag parties; hopefully, she'd be back before Lily missed her.

It would be a shame for the maid of honour to skive off the hen party.

At that moment the door opened and a tall, dark figure entered the pub. Pepper looked up anxiously and could not prevent the smile which touched her lips when she saw him. It had been over two years since last she had seen Severus Snape. Her heart tripped over itself and her tummy swooped.

His black eyes travelled unerringly to her, and he made a nearly imperceptible gesture to the door. He wanted her to go to outside with him. Gladly! She grabbed her shoulder bag and her jacket, passing close by him as he politely held the door for her to exit.

When the door to the pub closed behind them, she turned to greet him, but he laid a finger across her lips, taking her hand and leading her around the back of the pub. Once there, he pulled her into his arms – dear God, he wanted to kiss her! – and she threw her arms about his neck. However, in the next instant, she felt as if she had been pushed forcibly through an opening too small for her. It was over very quickly, and she was standing again on firm ground.

'What was that?' she screeched when he released her and stepped back, away from her.

'It is not safe for you to be seen with me,' he answered her tersely.

Pepper looked around her and realised he had brought her to the Kingdom. Her anger evaporated; many of their most heated exchanges had taken place here, kissing and touching one another with a desperation she had never felt with another bloke – not that there had been many.

She looked at him, marvelling at how tall he had grown since the summer they were seventeen, and how his shoulders had broadened. Her mouth was dry with wanting him.

'You said in your owl that it was urgent,' he remarked shortly. 'Is it Lily?'

Pepper started as if she had been burned. 'Lily?' she said. 'Why would I write to you about her?'

He frowned. 'Tomorrow is her wedding day, is it not? Did she ask you to send for me?'

Pepper felt as if her heart were shattering into a thousand pieces. She stared into the face of the virtual stranger, the man about whom she had dreamt for two years, and sought the boy she had adored.

'No!' she whispered. 'She hasn't mentioned you in over a year.' Her voice sounded cracked, as if she were about to cry, but she didn't care. She had wanted to see him so desperately, and all he could think about, even now, was her damned sister!

She saw the glimpse of pain which passed over his face - he had always loved Lily best – everyone had always loved Lily best, including their parents! Lily always got the best – the best school, the best boys, the best luck – it was so unfair!

Pepper stepped up to Severus and took his cold hands into her own. She felt him flinch, but she held on to him, looking directly into his eyes, willing him to recognize her, to remember how they had been, together in the Kingdom, and later, together in their summer romance. After a moment, he relaxed infinitesimally, and his hands seemed to warm within hers. If she had to make a complete fool of herself, she would – but she had to make him see and understand.

'I wrote to you – and borrowed my parents' owl – because I wanted to see you,' she said, pouring her feelings into her words, hoping he would hear her. 'I've missed you, Severus. I think about us together all the time – probably every day. Do you think about it?'

She saw in his expression that he did not, that he felt sorry for her for even asking him. She closed her eyes, goading herself to go on – to say it all.

'Severus – marry me. Let me be your wife. I'll be really good at it. I can keep house and cook and enjoy...' she flushed '... sex with you. We can have babies or not, I don't care about that. I just want you.'

He stood staring at her, not speaking; he seemed to be stricken to stone. Pepper dug in her shoulder bag and pulled out the square black velvet box. Snapping it open, she showed him the fire opal ring he had bought so long ago for Lily – and stupid Lily had thrown it away, like so much rubbish.

'Look!' she said. 'I found this here three years ago, Severus. I saw your initials and hers – I knew you had bought if for her – but I kept it – I wore it! I'm the one who cared!'

Now he was moved from his immobile state. He snatched the box from her as if it were a cobra, and she was about to be bitten. 'Oh, Pepper,' he whispered, and his voice sounded sad beyond bearing. 'I wish I had known you had this.'

'I would have been proud to wear it!' she cried. 'She never thought you were good enough, but I knew you were worth a dozen James Potters!'

Severus slipped the velvet box in the pocket of his Muggle coat and took her by the arms. 'Listen to me,' he said, and his voice held such a note of command that Pepper quieted at once.

'That ring is a magical one,' he said, speaking slowly and carefully, in an uncharacteristically kind tone. 'I put a spell on it – not a bad one, but a traditional spell used on rings exchanged between a wizard and witch when they are promised to one another.' He closed his eyes as if he were in pain, then opened them and spoke again. 'You put on a ring that was bewitched to plight the person wearing it to me.'

Pepper tried to pull away from him, but he held her securely. 'What are you talking about?' she demanded. 'Plight? That's not even a word!'

'It means to pledge – to promise. Look – the point is, Pepper, that you were never meant to touch that ring. It was wrong of me to leave it lying about. Although, if any other person had found it, they most likely would never have felt the magic ....'

'Then why did I?' She twisted away from him. 'Let me go!'

Severus released her. 'You felt the magic because you're her twin sister – you share enough genetic material for the spell to have worked on you, as well – not as it would have done with a witch, but enough to confuse you into thinking you fancied me.'

'I'M NOT CONFUSED!' Pepper shouted. 'I've fancied you since we were twelve years old!' She grabbed his hands again. 'Kiss me,' she said, 'kiss me, and you'll see.' He stood very still, his head moving in tiny increments from side to side, denying her every word. 'No one has ever kissed me like you do,' she said, standing on her tiptoes and reaching to put her arms around his neck, remembering how he always swept her against him and kissed her breathless when she reached for him.

It startled her when he stepped back from her; she staggered a bit before finding her feet, feeling very foolish to have tried to kiss him. When he drew his wand, she froze in shock.

'What are you going to do?' she asked fearfully. 'Please don't hurt me!'

'Pepper,' he said –

'DON'T CALL ME THAT!' she screeched. 'MY NAME IS PETUNIA!'

Lifting his wand, he gave a slight flourish and intoned, 'Finite Incantatem.'

In that instant, Pepper felt as if a piece of gauze had been removed from her body. The world appeared in slightly sharper focus, she no longer felt like shouting, and the man watching her with such pity was a great, ugly git with greasy hair and a huge, honking nose. She clapped her hands over her mouth and staggered back, away from him.

'See?' he said sadly.

'I hate you!' she said, her voice so tight and full of loathing that her old friend looked sadder still.

'You will have to hold my arm very tightly, for me to return you to the pub,' he said calmly, offering his forearm with courteous formality.

Pepper grasped his arm, and in a twinkling, they had arrived in the alley behind the pub.

'Can you find your way to your lodging?' he inquired considerately.

Pepper did not answer, but brushed past him with as much dignity as she could muster and set out for the hotel on the High Street.

---

Pepper stepped out of her hotel room and glanced up and down the hall, taking care not to move her head too fast, for it swam uncomfortably when she did. She ought not to have drunk the strangely-smoking whisky Lily's witch friends had brought to her hen party, but Pepper had been angry and confused – and it had seemed like a good idea, at the time.

She began to creep down the hall, trying to remember which room belonged to Sirius Black. He was a handsome bloke – a bit of a snob, but she didn't feel very choosy, tonight. He was best man, she was maid of honour – it made some sort of sad sense.

Choosing a room, she knocked on the door. A male voice uttered a muffled oath, and then the door was opened to reveal Peter Pettigrew. His fair hair was sticking out all over his head, and his fly was partly undone, with a bit of shirttail sticking out of it, as if she had disturbed him in the loo.

'I'm sorry,' she said with what she hoped was a friendly smile. 'I was looking for Sirius' room.'

'Hi, Pepper,' Peter said, his speech as precise as hers was – apparently, they were similarly pissed. 'Sirius is two doors down from me.' He looked her over rather closely, his eyes seeming to linger overlong on her chest. 'Can I help you with something?'

Pepper stepped away from him. 'No, thanks – bye!' She flipped her fingers at him and proceeded down the hallway. She could feel Peter's eyes boring into the middle of her back for several seconds, and was relieved when she heard his door close.

Pausing before Sirius' door, she patted her hair and straightened her skirt before knocking. She heard deep voices and laughter, and the door was swung open.

'Hello, Petunia,' Sirius said, looking rather surprised.

Pepper was rather surprised as well. Sirius had come to the door wearing nothing but his trousers. Behind him, lounging back against the headboard of the bed and drinking a can of lager, was Remus Lupin, whose shirt was unbuttoned. Pepper frowned, trying to force herself to concentrate.

'Oh, hello,' she said vaguely. 'Are they making you share a room?' she asked, puzzled. 'None of the bridesmaids have to share.'

Sirius looked as if he was trying very hard not to burst into laughter; Remus sat forward, swinging his feet onto the floor. 'Was it a nice party, Pepper?' he asked, smiling at her kindly. 'Did you have a bit to drink?'

Pepper giggled. 'Does it show?'

Remus stood and strolled over to stand in the doorway with Sirius. 'Yes, it does, a bit,' he admitted. 'Can we help you?'

'I was coming to see Sirius,' she said, frowning. 'But you weren't supposed to be here.'

Remus bit his lip. 'I'm sorry,' he said. 'James asked me to keep Sirius out of trouble until the wedding is over.'

Sirius turned his back to them, his shoulders shaking.

'What's the matter with him?' she asked, watching Sirius.

'He's got the hiccups,' Remus replied firmly. 'He had too much to drink.'

Pepper nodded wisely. 'I thought so,' she said.

Remus began to button his shirt. 'I'm going to take you back to your room, Pepper,' he said. He stepped out into the hallway and took her arm. 'Come along.'

Pepper happily tucked her arm through his, Sirius forgotten. 'I have a lovely room,' she said confidentially. 'You don't have to share with Sirius – you could stay with me – I'm much nicer.'

Remus opened his mouth to reply, but a door opened, and Peter Pettigrew peeked out. 'Hullo, Moony,' he said. 'Where's Padfoot?'

Remus frowned. 'Go to bed, Peter,' he said firmly.

Pepper waggled her fingers at Peter again as Remus took her door key from her and opened her door. 'Here you go, Pepper,' he said, pressing her key back into her hand. 'You'd better get to bed, now – you want to get your beauty sleep before the big day tomorrow.'

Pepper allowed him to push her into her room and was turning to respond to him when he closed the door in her face. She shook her head, confused, and sat down on her bed. She had gone to offer to spend the night with Sirius, but Remus had been with him – she ought of have offered to spend the night with both of them!

Rising from the bed, she had her hand on the doorknob when someone knocked. She opened it, saying archly, 'Forget something, Remus?'

Peter stepped into her room, closing the door behind him. 'You want to forget about old Moony,' he said, stepping up close to her. 'I'll sit with you for a while, Pepper.'

Pepper looked him over. 'You're a wizard,' she said, as if it were a little-known truth.

'I'll show you my wand,' he said, beginning to unbuckle his belt.

'All right,' Pepper said.

---

Three weeks later, when her period was a week late, Pepper knocked on another door rather late one night. A telly was turned off, and the door was opened to reveal Vernon Dursley.

'Petunia!' he said, surprised. He was wearing a dressing gown over striped pyjamas, and he held a spoon in one hand, as if he had been eating ice cream.

'May I come in?' she asked.

Vernon stepped back, self-consciously tucking the spoon into the pocket of his dressing gown. 'Of course.' He closed the door and glanced around the cramped sitting room of his flat. 'The place is rather a mess,' he added with some embarrassment.

Pepper stepped up to him, taking his hands. 'I've made up my mind, Vernon,' she said resolutely, looked directly into his little eyes.

'You have?' he said, a hopeful smile touching his lips.

'I will marry you, on the condition that you accept the transfer to Surrey.'

The burly man wrapped Pepper up in his arms. 'You've made me the happiest man in Britain!' he said in a shaking voice.

'I want to married right away,' she said, wrapping her arms as far around him as she could reach. 'I want to have a lovely place of our own and start our family straight away.'

Vernon tightened his arms and kissed her on the temple. 'Anything you want, my love.'

Pepper swallowed. 'Take me to bed, Vernon.'

---

March 1980

The night was cold and wet, and Severus sat at the dingy bar, nursing a firewhisky. He had been up to Hogwarts to see the headmaster, only to be told that the headmaster had gone into Hogsmeade. Bugger.

The Hog's Head Inn door opened and a damp draft blew in before the newcomer wrestled the door closed. Severus pulled his already damp cloak closer around him and cursed the early spring weather.

'All right, Hagrid?' the barkeep rumbled.

'Fair enough, Aberforth,' the half-giant responded. 'Been down ter Dervish and Banges to pick up a package for Professor Dumbledore,' Hagrid confided. 'Thought I'd stop in for a drop against the cold!'

'Albus is upstairs,' the man called Aberforth responded. 'If you want to leave it here, I'll give it to him when he goes – save you a trip to the castle.'

Hagrid patted the pocket of his moleskin coat. 'I've got it safe, right here,' he said, stepping up to the bar to take the pint the barkeep offered.

Severus slipped quietly from the bar and moved stealthily up the steps to the first floor of the inn. If Dumbledore was upstairs, he was meeting with someone – perhaps Severus could pick up some information to take back to the Dark Lord. His master had been in a fury ever since the defiant Mudblood, Lily Potter, had refused to hand over her Wolfsbane Potion formula to the fearsome Fenrir Greyback. She and her husband, joined by other members of the Order of the Phoenix, had driven back the attack of Greyback and the Death Eaters, escaping with their lives – and the formula – intact. It had not been her first instance of insolently flouting the Dark Lord's will since she had married Potter.

Severus, personally, had endured four bouts of the Cruciatus Curse from the Dark Lord in the last month. He had not been part of the attack on the Potters, but he had been near to hand when the Dark Lord had desired to punish someone. He was desperate to do something – anything – to win his lord's favour again.

Severus moved along the corridor until he heard voices coming from within one of the rooms, then he crouched, and for want of a better method, he placed his ear to the keyhole. It was Dumbledore, speaking to a woman, who was telling the headmaster about her teaching experience. The headmaster was thanking the woman, telling her he did not think she would be suitable for the post, when suddenly, the quality of the woman's voice changed, and she began to speak in harsh, hoarse tones.

'The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches,' she said, and Severus' heart speeded up to a fever pitch. He was going to hear something that would buy him a reprieve from Unforgivable Curses!

'Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies ....'

'Listening at keyholes, are we?'

Severus jumped up, but too late; the barkeep had grasped the back of his robes and now jerked him back from the door.

'Who are you?' the man demanded. 'You don't look familiar to me .... I wonder if you're one of his?' A strong hand grasped Severus' left wrist, the other hand reaching to move his sleeve up.

With terrific determination, Severus concentrated, and a non-verbal stinging hex sent the smelly old man staggering away from him. Severus never looked back, but ran down the back stairs and out the door into an alley, then he turned on the spot and was gone.

---

Straggly and wet, Severus prostrated himself on the floor at the feet of his master, waiting to see what the Dark Lord's response would be to the information he had provided.

'You have done well, Severus,' the Dark Lord said. 'Perhaps your true gift is in espionage, rather than potions brewing.'

Severus kept his face averted, scarcely breathing, waiting to see which direction the Dark Lord's whim would take him.

After a moment, his master spoke again. 'Lord Voldemort rewards his servants when they excel. I will grant you a favour – you may make a request, whenever you will.'

Severus did not look up, but placed another kiss to the hem of his master's robe.

'Thank you, my Lord.'

---

July, 1981

Severus sat with the framed master's certificate in his hands, his face blank. He was alone in his room, save for the very nice cognac Lucius had given him as a congratulatory gift.

He wished his mother had lived to see him attain this goal.

When he had been younger, it had been the pinnacle of his ambition to teach, thinking it would be a perfect position, wherein he could earn a living while doing what he loved best, and have time and facilities for research, as well.

He poured another snifter of cognac, allowing the aroma to waft below his sensitive nose, his eyes closed.

The only wizarding secondary school in Britain was Hogwarts, and Severus had never been a favourite of Dumbledore's – no, Potter and Black had been the headmaster's favourite boys. In addition, Severus knew his affiliation with the Death Eaters was not something he could hide from Dumbledore – the man was a Legilimens of uncommon skill.

A random comment of the Dark Lord's popped into Severus mind, and he was electrified.

'Perhaps your true gift is in espionage, rather than potions brewing.'

---

Lord Voldemort motioned for Severus to rise and be seated. 'What did you wish to discuss with me, my son?'

Severus leant forward. 'I have long remembered your comment to me, my Lord, suggesting that I might be gifted in the art of espionage. It has just come to my attention that Dumbledore's Potions master, Horace Slughorn, is planning his retirement ....'

---

The headmaster smiled. 'Severus, you are undoubtedly qualified for the job, but I do have a rule regarding the hiring Death Eaters to work in my school.'

Severus inclined his head. 'I appreciate your concerns, Headmaster – but has it occurred to you that I might provide useful information for you?'

Dumbledore sipped from his cup of tea. 'At the behest of Lord Voldemort, no doubt?'

Severus sipped, as well. 'No doubt,' he replied.

Dumbledore chuckled. 'I think not, Severus – but it is very nice to see you, of course.'

---

Severus stood at his worktable in the underground room at Malfoy Manor, chopping daisy roots in precise quarter-inch lengths. He did not look up when Lucius Malfoy sauntered into the room and seated himself at Severus' desk.

'You stay locked up down here all the time,' he complained. 'There's not a decent conversationalist amongst the sycophants upstairs.'

Severus did not slow his chopping, but he did raise an eyebrow. 'I was certain that you were fascinated with the Dark Lord's tales of his travels in Abyssinia.'

Lucius snorted indelicately. 'Well, you missed the hullabaloo last night,' he said.

'Indeed?' Severus moved the daisy roots to one side and began to skin a Shrivelfig with a marvellously sharp silver dagger.

'Oh, yes,' Lucius said. 'The Dark Lord finally determined his primary target, resulting from the prophecy you overheard – he is quite pleased.'

Severus lit the fire beneath his cauldron. 'I suppose you will tell me when it pleases you.'

'I think you may have been at school with them, Severus – those obnoxious Gryffindors?'

Severus sighed. 'Surely you don't imagine I can recall every obnoxious Gryffindor who attended school when I was there?'

'I was referring to James and Lily Potter – oh, and their son, Harry. The Dark Lord ordered an attack for last night. It was the tyke's first birthday, and the whole family was visiting at the Mudblood's home, in Harrogate.'

Severus continued stirring the concoction in his cauldron. 'How convenient,' he murmured, placing his stirring rod on the table and slipping his trembling hands into the pockets of his robes.

'Not for me,' Lucius said, standing and brushing a speck of lint from the sleeve of his impeccable robes. 'I had to lead the raid.'

'And I was not invited to the celebration feast?' Severus said, sounding aggrieved.

'The Potters weren't there – but we taught the filthy little Mudblood a lesson. Her parents are dead.'

'Well, that hardly merits a celebration,' Severus remarked neutrally, seating himself to disguise the trembling of his knees.

'Dead Muggles?' Lucius said disdainfully. 'Certainly not.'

---

'You wished to see me, Severus?'

Severus remained on his knees, his eyes averted. 'Thank you, my Lord.'

'Rise, my son, and sit.'

Severus murmured his thanks and sat in the chair indicated by his master. Lord Voldemort inclined his head graciously and gestured with one hand for Severus to speak.

'My Lord, there was a time when you granted me a favour.'

The Dark Lord nodded, watching Severus' face. 'I see already, my son – you wish to claim your gift – and it is a woman.'

'If it pleases you, my Lord, I should like to have the woman, Lily Potter.'

Voldemort laughed, a high-pitched, thin sound which chilled Severus to the very marrow of his bones. 'A Mudblood toy for you! Of course! It would please me, indeed, Severus. You must bring her before me, when you have her.'

Severus leant forward. 'You do mean to dispose of the husband and the child?'

The Dark Lord reached out a hand, like a large white spider, and patted Severus on the arm. 'Yes, the Mudblood will be broken and bereft when she comes to you, my son, never fear.'

Severus fell to his knees and kissed the hem of the robe. 'You are too good, my Lord.'

---

Albus Dumbledore looked gravely at the young man seated before him.

'You will not oppose me?'

Severus laid his wand upon Dumbledore's desk. 'I will not, Headmaster.'

Dumbledore looked deep into Severus' eyes. Without a wand, and without speaking a word, he slipped into Severus' mind.

---

October 31, 1981

Petunia Dursley picked up the spoon her darling had hurled at her and placed it with the other dirty spoons on a plate before her. From the pile of clean spoons, she chose another and dipped it into the heavily sweetened porridge in the plastic bowl stuck to the tray of the high chair by a suction cup on its bottom.

'Eat your breakfast, Duddikins,' she cooed, smiling with absolute adoration at her little love. 'Finish your porridge, like a good boy, and Mummy will give you a sweet,' she promised, lifting the porridge to the baby's mouth.

'No!' Dudley bellowed, his hands flailing, and he knocked the spoon from Petunia's hand with such force it bounced off the wall before landing on the floor.

'Clever Duddy!' she purred, taking the sponge and spray cleaner from the table and rising to wipe the goo from her wall. 'You say "no" just like a big boy!' she praised, smiling at her son. His fair hair and blue eyes made him look just like a little angel.

She was disturbed from her admiration of her lamb by an uncomfortable warmth on her bony chest. Her hand flew to the neckline of her pink housedress and she rubbed at the medallion. She couldn't see it, but she could feel it. Lily had forced it on her after their parents' funeral, three months before.

'We can use it to call for one another in an emergency,' Lily said, thrusting it at her.

'It's horrid!' Petunia objected. 'Common-looking – I wouldn't wear such a thing.' She sniffed and looked away from the pleading in her sister's almond-shaped green eyes.

'You won't be able to see it, Pepper –'

'Don't call me that!' Petunia hissed, suddenly rigid with fury.

'Daddy still called you that ...'

'Our parents are dead because of you and your lot!' Petunia screeched, rising and fleeing to the door of their parents' bedroom. 'I'm not going to sit here with you as if nothing happened! This is all your fault!'

Lily stood and pursued her. 'All right, Petunia; I'm sorry. Please – wear the medallion. If you're ever in danger, you can call for me and I will come immediately.' She reached and fastened the necklace about Petunia's neck, tucking it beneath the black crepe de chine of her mourning dress. 'Severus and I used them when we were children.'

Petunia threw up a hand as if to ward off a blow. 'Don't mention that awful boy to me!'

Lily ignored the comment and reached into her exquisite leather handbag – when she had seen Petunia eyeing it on their last visit, she had giggled and whispered, 'It's dragon hide!' as if such a bald-faced lie were a laughing matter – and she withdrew an old sweets tin.

'If you ever need to come to me quickly, just hold this tin and say my name,' Lily said. 'This is a Portkey. It will only work once, but I can always charm it to work again.'

'I don't want it!' Petunia cried, backing away from her. 'Keep your filthy magic tricks to yourself!'

Lily stalked after her, determination on her face. 'I love you, Pep,' she said, grasping Petunia's forearm. 'I love you, and I love Dudley, and I don't want something terrible to happen to you because of me. Please reconsider and come to stay with us at Gryphon Keep – there's plenty of room; you wouldn't have to see us if you didn't want to ...'

Petunia pulled away from her. 'I have a lovely home of my own, thank you,' she snarled. 'I have a husband and a baby and I am not going to chase after you and that freak you married and your freakish baby just because of some imaginary war!'

Lily's face reflected first sadness, then anger, then hardened into resolution. 'My son's name is Harry,' she said. 'And there is nothing imaginary about the war, Pep. Are you sure you won't come back to Godric's Hollow with me? We can tell Vernon we just want to catch up and let the babies play together. Sisters have visits like that all the time.'

Petunia refused to let herself be swayed by the wistful note upon which Lily had ended. 'My husband needs me at home,' she said, turning away.

Lily came up behind her and tucked the old sweets tin into her hand, giving her shoulder a squeeze at the same time. 'Be safe, Pepper,' she said, and Petunia swept out of the room without a backward glance.

Impatiently, Petunia tugged the necklace out and glanced down at the medallion. The message was the same as it had been every day this week. Well, she had no intention of going to stay with Lily. Vernon really loathed the Potters; sometimes Petunia thought he disliked them more than she did. No, she would stay home, and take care of her baby and her husband and try to forget she had ever had a sister.

'No!' Dudley squealed gleefully, and Petunia dropped the medallion back inside her collar and bent to pick up another spoon. She had quite enough to keep her occupied, as it was.

---

The night was uncommonly cold for Halloween, and Petunia was thankful she had worn her warm coat. The horrible Port-Thing had left her feeling nauseated. She covered her mouth with her hand and looked around, wondering where Lily had sent her. After increasingly frequent medallion-calls throughout the day, she had been extremely annoyed with her bothersome sister, but it had not been until the calls stopped that she became afraid. As soon as Vernon was snoring, she bathed, dressed, checked one last time on Dudders, and took the sweets tin from her handbag. Staring at it with terrible uncertainty, she said, 'Lily?' and was jerked from her warm, safe kitchen and dumped on the damp grass in the unfamiliar dark.

She was on her knees in front of what appeared to be a very old and dilapidated manor house of some sort. It was derelict, boarded up, and looked very unsafe. From a long way down a winding drive, she heard voices raised, and her curiosity drew her forward.

'Give him to me, Hagrid – I'm his godfather. I'll look after him –'

Petunia froze. She knew that voice! It was Sirius Black! She crept forward further and saw the elegant, shaggy-haired young man in speech with what appeared to be an oddly shaped tree.

'I've got me orders from Dumbledore,' the massive shape replied. 'Harry's ter go ter his aunt an' uncle.'

'Those Muggles?' Sirius cried. 'You can't give James and Lily's son to those people!'

'Sorry, Sirius, but I've got me orders,' the other voice replied doggedly.

Sirius stepped forward, his hand outstretched. 'I've got the motorbike here – you take it and get Harry to safety. I won't need it anymore.'

Petunia watched in horrified wonder as the enormous shadowed figure took what Sirius offered and lumbered out of sight. When she was sure it was gone, Petunia ran up to Sirius.

'Where's Lily?' she cried, grabbing the front of Sirius' wizard's robes.

'Petunia!' Sirius stared at her as if she were a ghost. 'How did you find out?'

'Find out what? Where is she?'

Sirius took a firm hold on her forearms and looked down into her eyes; for the first time, she saw that his handsome face was uncommonly white and streaked with tears.

'She's gone,' he croaked, and she was horrified when tears began to fall from his eyes. 'She and James both. But Harry's all right – Harry's going to be just fine.'

Petunia looked up at him, wishing he would make sense. 'Gone where, Sirius? Why has she been calling me to come to her all week long?'

Sirius suddenly pulled her into a hug, and she was horrified to smell spirits on his breath. 'They're dead, Petunia!' he cried. 'He killed them!'

Petunia pushed Sirius indignantly away from her. 'You're raving! Where is she?'

Sirius now wrapped his arms around himself. 'It's my fault – I might as well have done it with my own hands ...'

'Where am I?' she shouted at the distraught man. 'Where is my sister? You aren't making any sense!'

Sirius looked over his shoulder. 'Their bodies are still in there,' he said. 'In the gate house. James said it was silly to put the big house under the enchantment when we're using it for our headquarters.'

Petunia jabbed a finger at the space behind Sirius. 'There's nothing there, you dolt!'

He closed his eyes and drew a ragged breath, then looked into her face. 'The house is under an enchantment; I'm sorry, I forgot. You can't see it, but it's there, and Lily and James are inside, and they've been murdered.'

Petunia staggered back a step and pressed her palms to her cheeks. 'Who killed them? Why?'

Sirius began to laugh then, and Petunia was very frightened, because he sounded mad. 'Why, Peter Pettigrew killed them, Petunia – he sold them to the Dark Lord, who cast Killing Curses on them.'

Finally, Petunia began to cry, harsh, angry sobs, prompting Sirius to place a placating hand upon her arm. 'I hate you!' she sobbed. 'All of your kind! You took her away from me and now she's d-dead! And she called for me to come, and I stayed away!'

Sirius spoke with scant patience. 'Be thankful you stayed away,' he said grimly. 'She thought you would be safer here, with them – she and James thought there was no way on earth fucking Peter Pettigrew would betray them to the enemy.'

Petunia threw his hand from her arm. 'What does Peter have to do with it?' she demanded, the worst of her storm of tears past.

Loud popping noises began to sound in the air around them.

'Never mind that!' Sirius snapped. 'We have to get out of here – the Aurors are coming. Where in Surrey do you live?'

'Privet Drive in Little Whinging, but –'

Sirius pulled her into a rough embrace and she was shoved unceremoniously through the squeezing void. 'Stop that!' she gasped, pushing away from him, and she fell to her knees and was sick.

Sirius looked dispassionately down at her when she raised her face and wiped her mouth. 'Can you find your way home from here?'

She glanced over at her own front door, across the street, and nodded.

'Good,' he said. 'I have to find Peter and kill him. You'll excuse me?'

Petunia opened her mouth to tell him once more he was insane, but he grinned at her fiercely, turned on the spot, and was gone again.

---

Severus burst into the headmaster's study without knocking, startling Dumbledore and stirring a storm of reprimands from the portraits around the walls.

'That's enough, thank you,' Dumbledore said sternly, and the previous headmasters fell silent.

Severus stared across the room at him. 'Tell me it's a lie.'

Dumbledore stood and crossed the room to him. 'Last night, Lord Voldemort entered the cottage where the Potters were hidden, and he murdered them. Harry is safe.'

At the mention of Lily's infant son, Severus made a motion as if to brush away an insect buzzing too close to his face. 'He promised me ...' he muttered, and he turned from Dumbledore and began to pace the floor. 'You're mistaken. He promised me she would be spared.'

Dumbledore grasped his arm. 'You bargained for her life with the life of the child?' he demanded.

Severus looked up defiantly. 'Yes! And I would do it again!'

'That will be impossible,' Dumbledore responded heavily. 'The Dark Lord has fallen. I am not sure yet, but I believe Lily died defending the baby, which invoked ancient magic – the curse rebounded on Voldemort, and he is vanquished.'

Severus had always dreamt such news would bring him great joy, but he felt less than dead – an utterly hollow thing.

'Don't you care about the child?' the headmaster said as Severus moved blindly through the door, heading for the stairway.

'No,' he answered shortly.

'Severus, I could use your assistance making the arrangements to keep Harry safe – you know Lily's sister, do you not?'

But Severus simply descended the winding stairs.

---

Dawn of the next day found him standing across the street from number four, Privet Drive, his eyes riveted upon the basket bearing all that was left of Lily. He clearly recognised the tabby cat which kept watch just beneath the hydrangea bushes. When he had arrived, he and the cat had given one another long, measuring looks and finally exchanged nods of acknowledgement. Through it all, the infant son of James and Lily Potter slept on in his basket, unaware of how the entire world had been dismantled and reassembled for his sake.

Severus stared at the banal little semi, identical to all the others on the dreary little street, and tried to imagine Pepper living behind its insipid blue door. She had grown to loathe her twin sister – that much had been evident to Severus the last night he had seen her, when he had declined her proposal of marriage and taken the fire opal plight troth ring from her. Would her hatred of all things magical spill over onto the baby sleeping on her doorstep? Would Pepper look at Potter's son and see the sister she had once loved or the magic she hated?

Resolved, he crossed the street and looked down at the baby. Severus had never yet divined the method by which one looked at a baby and discovered a resemblance to an adult person; he certainly did not see that the child looked 'just like James,' as he had heard Dumbledore say more than once. For the tiniest fraction of a moment, he could look at the black-haired baby boy and imagine Lily had presented him with a son, and that he and the child were waiting for her to return from a trip to the shops ....

Shaking himself from his abstraction, he reached within his cloak and withdrew a silken bundle of fabric; vivid colours peeked here and there amongst its pristine white folds. Bending, with infinite care, he tucked the hand-sewn standard in and around the blanket already covering the child, finally making sure that Dumbledore's letter rested directly on top. The tabby cat watched him with intense interest as he smoothed one fold from the impromptu baby bunting and returned to his place across the street from Pepper's home.

Soon the front door opened and Pepper was there, a skinny young woman with bleached-blonde hair who stared at the baby on the doorstep, then stared across the street at Severus, before slamming the front door closed.

Severus felt a moment of anxiety, and he and the tabby cat traded looks of alarm. If Pepper did not follow Dumbledore's instructions and suggestions as outlined in his letter to her, the child would be at risk, should the Dark Lord's followers – or, heaven help them, the Dark Lord, himself – ever choose to attack Harry Potter.

After a moment, raised voices could be heard from within number four.

Very soon, the door opened again, and Pepper walked out onto the doorstep, closing the front door behind her. She stepped around the baby and began to walk purposefully down the front path, an object clutched in her fist. Immediately galvanised, Severus moved to meet her at the curb and stood awaiting her approach, a very alien presence on Privet Drive, with his unfashionably long hair, in his long, dark travelling cloak.

Pepper's face was contorted with a terrible sneer; he scarcely recognised her. Yet within her eyes there lurked another emotion – one more familiar. He disregarded the sneer and stood passively before her, awaiting her judgement.

Pepper pulled her arm back and threw the object she held; it hit Severus on the chest and bounced off, clattering to the pavement.

'This is all your fault!' she screeched and tears began to fall from her eyes.

Severus bent automatically and picked up his half of the brass medallion Lily had given him on a long-ago summer's day; his fingers closed convulsively upon it as he rose and looked into the blotchy face of his accuser.

'I know,' he said simply, willing to accept whatever punishment she dealt to him.

For a long moment, hazel eyes brimming with tears looked into the abyss of the black eyes of Severus Snape. With no trace of remorse, Severus probed Pepper's mind and found a morass of guilt, grief, and resentment; he felt quite at home in Pepper's thoughts.

Too soon, she gave a disgusted snort and turned from him, marching away in her quilted pink dressing gown and matching slippers.

'Shoo!' she exclaimed when she spied the tabby cat beneath the hydrangea bushes; the cat hissed, but held her ground. Harry Potter's closest living relative stooped to lift his basket, first slipping Dumbledore's letter into her pocket. Then she paused for a moment with her hand upon the white silk covering. With a swift move, she ripped the flag from about the baby, and with a strength borne of utter despair, she did what Severus had never been able to steel himself to do: she rent the standard of the Kingdom of Wyrd from end-to-end and threw the tatters upon the path, taking care to trod upon the fabric with both feet as she carried the baby into the house.

Severus walked swiftly down the pavement and bent to retrieve the sundered flag. Looking at the door, his voice hoarsely pleading as he spoke past the lump in his throat, he croaked, 'Pepper.'

A movement at his feet drew his attention to the tabby cat, which watched him with keen interest.

'Don't ask,' he said, tucking the scraps of silk into the pocket of his cloak.

The cat was still watching his retreating back when he turned on the spot and was gone.

---

A/N: Thank you all so much for reading this story, which has been nipping at my heels and rattling in my brain since January, 2006. I was right about some things and wrong about others, as we have all now learned. This story of a teen-aged Severus required a whole new soundtrack for me. I found an loved many songs over the two months I spent feverishly writing this story, but I think my favourite was Vertical Horizon's I'm Still Here. If you are not familiar with the song, or even if you are, I invite you to paste this link to YouTube and listen once for Severus and Lily. Oh, and ignore the video – it's Harry Potter, but it's Harry/Hermione, I think.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8IgoZ-KHiI

The tragic end to this tale has me aching to write Severus' happy ending. I will begin writing my DH-compliant story tonight – and by DH-compliant, I mean in-which-Severus-did-not-die-from-a-snakebite. The story will be a Severus/Hermione story. I hope you will keep an eye out for that prologue, which I hope to post within the week.