Chapter 4
Chapter 4 of 5
ayerfReluctant meetings
ReviewedDisclaimer: Everyone knows who Harry Potter really belongs to, and it isn't me.
Chapter 4
"Hello, Severus."
"What are you doing here, Lupin?"
"Minerva wanted to know how you're getting on. She would have come herself, but an incident at Hogwarts required her attention." Remus placed the Portkey that had brought him to Severus's retreat on the mantelpiece before it could whisk him away.
"Is Albus making a mess in the dungeons?" Severus snorted, leaving Remus guessing at the content of the unspoken thoughts. Perhaps of either the old man's beard dipping in a volatile potion or a lemon drop being inadvertently lost in the depths of a cauldron?
"How did you know?"
Severus stood, turning to face his undoubtedly unwelcome visitor. "It's been a lifetime since Albus last taught. I highly doubt maintaining discipline in an area outside his last teaching position is really within his grasp."
"There are different dangers associated with Transfiguration and Potions, true." Remus cleared his throat. "Regardless, Minerva wants you back before the end of the year."
"Get Albus to lift his restrictions, then."
"Severus, Minerva does not want to trade a scatterbrained alchemist for a similarly affected Potions master. She wanted to know if you were making progress."
"If that was her way of asking if I had finished acting on her advice, the answer is no."
"After Voldemort fell the first time, I was lost. It took me years to find my way out. I only managed in the end with the support of what friends I had left." Remus walked over to the window, staring out at the small amount of sunlight visible through the clouds.
"I have heard this sob story before, Lupin. Virtually every time I have the misfortune to see you, I have my ears filled with your rubbish about the road to redemption and the importance of friends on that long, twisted journey."
"Albus would tell you much the same sort of thing, I'm sure."
"You're wasting your breath. If I don't listen to Albus, what makes you think I'd listen to you?" Severus sneered. "Save your soulfulness for when you howl at the moon; it might be appreciated then."
"You act as if no one can possibly understand your loss. The tragedy of war is that loved ones do die. Retreating into the past, hiding under the veil of grief from reality will solve nothing." Taking a few deep breaths, Remus forced himself to calm down. Every time he saw Severus, the other man always made at least one comment associated with his affliction. Usually when Remus had outstayed what smidgen of welcome was afforded to him, or when he made the slightest metaphorical step forward. "You have friends, Severus. Friends you are hurting with your determination to face this storm of pain alone."
"One might say that those fool enough to call me friend deserve to be hurt."
With a wounded look at Severus, Remus sighed heavily. It was obvious that he was not going to get anywhere, as apart from anything else Severus had never actually called him friend in return. Perhaps Minerva herself would have better luck, as Albus was doubtlessly still in Severus's black books.
Barely managing to keep himself from stating that he pitied the broken man, Remus took his leave, reaching for the Portkey. From the dark scowl on Severus's face, he had ascertained what that unspoken comment was. Broken or not, he clearly still had his pride. Lingering further would not be sensible; Severus was making twitchy moves toward his wand.
After Lupin's unwanted visit, I anticipated the arrival of yet another of those misguided souls who for some bizarre reason counted me as a friend. Instead, in the coming days I received owls from anyone who had reason to try to extend a hand to help me out of my rut; largely those who had cared for Hermione. This 'drowning man' would have none of it; I respected their attempts enough to read what most of the assorted letters had to say, only to use those written in the scrawl of various Weasleys as target practice and burning those originating from Potter on sight. Why couldn't these interfering busybodies leave me in peace? At least Minerva had made no further attempts to contact me beyond sending the Order's pet werewolf. I fully intended to savour my memories; besides, time was meant to be the great healer. Eighteen months was not long, granted that it was a little more now. Or did these idiots think that I would be back to my normal self the instant the observed mourning period was over?
Next they would be expecting me to move on and replace her...well, maybe not in the case of Potter and most Weasleys, as I am well aware of their opinion of my appeal to anyone, let alone to the fairer sex. I snorted; I had no intention of moving on, not whilst her ring still glowed. Even if the unthinkable happened and the glow faded, I had no inclination to start anew. Hermione was a one-of-a-kind witch, although of course she had flaws. For some time after her death, I almost hated her for inadvertently causing her own demise.
Thinking back, I suppose I was fortunate that I only became friendly with Hermione in her fifth year, or I would have suffered all the more. As a friend of Potter, she attracted trouble much like a library attracts bibliophiles. The aftermath of the debacle at the Department of Mysteries loomed in my mind. Inserted into a 'Get Well' card, one of my last letters to her had been decidedly at odds with the method of concealment. She'd kept it anyway.
Hermione,
I will kill you myself if you ever do something like that again. You must have known it was a trap, yet you went anyway. Loyalty to Potter is suicidal, can't you see that? Next time he wants to play at being the hero, might I suggest Stunning him if you can't talk sense into him? Merlin only knows he needs some sense knocked into him.
Do you realise how serious this is? You could have died. Without the array of potions provided, you would have died. The Headmaster overruled my assignation of detention and deduction of points from you and the other miscreant students. Rest assured that were you not already injured, I would have shaken some sense into you.
Madam Pomfrey said that Potter wanted McGonagall; an Order member. Why didn't you send him to me when you found she was gone? After everything I have shared with you, do you mistrust me? Yet I went to the Order to check up on Black of all people for you miserable fools anyway.
Do you have any idea what passed through my mind when I discovered you'd lead Umbitch into the Forbidden Forest and what thoughts plagued me as I searched fruitlessly for you? At least it was simple enough to ascertain where you must have gone. Again, I went to the Order informing them of the changing situation, a message that saved your necks. I warned Black not to go, but no one, especially him, ever listens to me. I was ordered to return to the forest to keep up the search as there was a slim chance that you hadn't managed to leave the grounds. Then I was summoned back to the castle by Madam Pomfrey to brew the potion that kept you alive for a few vital hours whilst the rest of them were procured or made.
Of course, if Hermione had died then, she would have become a Necromancer a few months earlier. Perhaps it was better that her parents had died before she had, as an adverse reaction from them may well have broken Hermione in a way that nothing else could. I sighed, turning back to the letter.
One blessing of this whole mess is that the Dark Lord will not blame me, although I am sure that Potter's misadventure will have some knock on effect to come back to haunt me, beyond your injury. In the event that you are concerned that he will use me to take out his rage on, he has more immediate targets.
You may already know this from Madam Pomfrey, but I can assure you that your curse scar will not be permanent. However, I see no point attempting to coddle you by concealing the full truth from you, as our esteemed Matron may have done. It will be at risk of reopening for quite some time, although normal activity will not do so; adventures of the sort that you persist in pursuing may well affect it. Of course, you may be completely unconcerned with running the risk of obtaining a permanent scar. Knowing you as I do, you lack the patience to regard that scar as a temporary feature of your body as it will take years to fully heal. Keep in mind that without magic, it would take a lifetime to fade.
If I know anything about you, after your concerns for your friends, you are more concerned about your O.W.L. exams than about your own health. I have every confidence that you will live up to your academic reputation.
Concentrate on healing. My thoughts are with you.
Severus
The last entry in Hermione's diary raised some questions for me. I have always had an inquiring mind, although I lost much of my zeal for mysteries after Hermione...well, anyway. It must be positive that I can take more of an interest in things, even if they are still somewhat connected to the object of my broodings.
Hospital Wing 1996
Dear Diary,
Ron's snores are keeping me awake, my curse scar being sufficiently numbed not to pain me. Severus was not happy with me. Why mince words? His letter was not a Howler as such, but I'm glad that he didn't decide to speak to me in person. Bearing his disappointment in writing is more than enough punishment for me.
How could I be so stupid? I suppose I should be grateful that Severus doesn't know the specifics of how I was cursed. What Harry must think of me, if he does think of anything beyond his grief over Sirius's death. I read sufficiently far ahead to be able to perform N.E.W.T. level spells, yet when push comes to shove I forget everything I have learned in a blind panic. 'I forgot' should not be an excuse I can make. I have an eidetic memory, I shouldn't be able to forget anything. Yet I Silenced that Death Eater instead of Stunning him, in the heat of the moment 'forgetting' that of course a fully grown wizard knows how to do non-verbal casting. 'Brightest witch of her age' couldn't be a worse moniker. I didn't even have Ron's excuse of being hexed silly.
At least I do have a reason for my error. Back in the Death Chamber (how do I know that it's called that? Sometimes I worry about where some of my knowledge comes from) I experienced something very strange. Very creepy. Harry's reaction to the room didn't help either. After that, being ambushed by Death Eaters just took the biscuit and left my senses scrambled.
I get the feeling that no one else saw what I did in that room. Only Harry and Luna Lovegood seemed to sense something, but they only claimed to hear whispers beyond the veil. I heard nothing but an eerie silence. An unnatural silence, almost painful in the way that it seemed to deaden sound. I could still hear Harry and the others talking and moving about, but everything was oddly muted. Then IT started. When I entered the room, I saw runes appearing on the crumbling archway, trickling into existence like they were made from blood. Morphing into the next, they slowly spelled out my name and only mine. By the time we left the room, they had seeped into the stone floor, seeming to follow in my footsteps.
I found out today that only Unspeakables should be able to see those bloody runes, and that they are undecipherable to them. One of them was sent here, as somehow they knew that I had seen more than I should have. I don't know how they got the Headmaster to agree, but they had permission to perform a Memory Charm on me. Perhaps I should have had my eidetic abilities on both my medical and student records, as it would mean that I shouldn't need to suffer another nosebleed through ignorance. It didn't help that I was asleep at the time; I have never been more disorientated than being woken by head-splitting pain with rivers of blood streaming from my nose. Madam Pomfrey was livid, threatening the Unspeakable with hellfire and brimstone while she staunched the flow and shoved yet another potion down my throat. As I couldn't be safely Obliviated, I had to sign a confidentiality contract (not that it stops me writing about it in here). One bonus from this whole sorry experience is that I have been offered a job in the Department after my N.E.W.T.s, regardless of what I achieve. If I were anything like Ron and Harry, I would have no reason to do anything but the minimum amount in my schoolwork now, but I would sooner drink the last beverage of Socrates.
Oh, good. Ron has finally stopped snoring. I was getting tempted to smother him.
HJG
It somewhat assuaged my guilt over my own failed attempt to Obliviate Hermione to know that a nameless Unspeakable had done the same thing, although at the same time it made me want to find out exactly who it was to bring my fist into contact with his/her nose. By the sounds of it, my protective rage was hardly needed to punish said Unspeakable, as a livid Poppy Pomfrey is not a walk in the park. I should know. Students think that my tongue is the most acerbic at Hogwarts; when sufficiently enraged, Poppy can flense the flesh from the bones with all of the precision expected of a Healer, all without wand or scalpel.
Hermione's description of what had occurred in the Death Chamber mystified me. In retrospect, it doubtless had something to do with her Necromantic powers. I idly wondered what she would have experienced in that ancient room if she had returned when her powers were awakened. Not that there was any way of knowing now, of course. I glowered down at the ring I was absentmindedly fiddling with, caressing the glowing stone with each finger in turn. Such a cruel reminder of stark hopes...
I slipped the ring back onto the chain around my neck, a simple charm allowing the sleight of hand of doing so without undoing the catch. Before I retreated to bed, I would allow myself to read one last letter. The worn scrap of parchment that came to hand was the last letter that I had written to Hermione before the car crash that had irrevocably changed her. Like some of the others, it had creases from the innumerable times it had been folded and reread, and for once, all of those times were by her. I hadn't touched the letter since I had sent it. A ragged gasp escaped me as I inspected it more closely. Bloodstains blotted out some of the words, while half of it was lost entirely, burnt off. This letter had been with her in the crash.
21/8/96
Hermione,
Although the Dark L--- --- stepped up his attacks, you need not be overly worried about the safety of your fam--- or yourself. Put simply, the Death Eaters have more important targets than Muggles, -ven if those -uggles are the parents of one of Pot--rs best friends. Nor are you very high up on the li-- of priorities, as the Dark Lord's to--- list has Potter and Dumbledore as the top priori-- I think it will be of some comfort to know that your safety is one of my priorities; it is a weight off my mind to know that certain members of the Order have warded your home. If need be, it can be put under the Fidelius Charm too.
You wanted to know wh-- -appens to those unfortunate enough to be cap---ed by Death Eaters. In this case, Blo-- -raitors are far more vulnerable than Muggl-- -ontrary to popular belief, Death E--ers do not rape the latter, as Purebloods or those aspiring to be so do not want to taint themselves in the act of doing -- -orture is to be expected, with the Cruciatus a favourite of many Death Eaters. Now th-- --eir presence is known, they will leave witnesses to their crimes, usually a Muggleborn -- -hat the blessing of a Memory Charm is less likely.
If I were not well aware that ignorance does not make you safer, I would not have answered your question. At least this way you will not be panicked by fallacies perpetuated in such trash as --- Prophet. Why Molly Weasley doesn't realise this baffles me, but then she always pref----d to keep her head in the sand along with the rest of her brood. I suppose their home -- secure enough now that it has been all but warded to the standards of Hogwarts.
I have no aptitude for foresight. As such, I cannot give yo- -ny real assurance save that if it is within my power to keep you safe, I will. If the wors- ---pens and you do fall into the hands of the Death Eaters, I am sufficiently high within the ranks to claim you for my
Because I do not have the curse of an eidetic memory, I cannot recall exactly how the letter continued after that abrupt end, but I do know what I left unsaid. Although I did share quite a number of secrets with Hermione, I did not tell her everything. She knew that, I'm sure. Some things are just too difficult to express. For instance it is true that, on the whole, Death Eaters did not wish to sully themselves by raping their victims.
However, the Imperius curse was Lucius Malfoy's favourite Unforgivable for a reason, being so much more versatile than the other two. He always viewed the Cruciatus as a glorified thumbscrew, and the Killing curse as too merciful; but then he always did confuse a speedy death with mercy. He was fortunate enough never to witness the death of a loved one due to the uttering of two measly words, unable to do anything. As he has no knowledge of Muggles, he doesn't realise what hearing a twisted, macabre form of 'abracadabra' does to those Muggle-born unfortunates left behind to tell the tale. Voldemort knew, I'd bet everything I have left to lose on it.
Now the question was whether the memories that letter evoked of my time as a Death Eater will overpower my longings for Hermione. Would it be a nightmare or another erotic dream that tormented my sleep?
As it turned out, it was both. Visions of Hermione as the one chosen for further torment by 'sparing' her death after watching the torture and murder of her parents haunted me. Then Lucius stepped forward, cruel smirk in place as he raised his wand, somehow knowing of my feelings for the girl. My skills as an Occlumens allow me to resist the Imperius curse, something that also translated over to the dream. Before Lucius could find anyone else to inflict the curse on, I stepped forward to claim her. Even in a dream after his death, Lucius could suffer bitter disappointment. Members of the Inner Circle were permitted to take their prizes elsewhere, far from prying eyes. My slumbering mind inflicted further grief on me by taking Hermione to my current hiding hole, where we christened the guest bed that I was currently sleeping in.
I awoke reaching for her, bitter tears escaping me when I realised the futility of the act. The cold reality of the situation ensured that I would need no frigid shower or imagining of a threesome between Albus, Minerva and Filch to render me in a more comfortable state. Perhaps one day I would be able to handle morning erections by closing my eyes and thinking of Hermione, but not anytime soon.
Rising from bed, I stalked over to the window, yanking back the curtains to glower at the damp dawn outside. Scotland was hardly home to the most hospitable weather either, but I missed it. Albus's hopes that I would be less preoccupied here were in vain; the memory of Hermione would be with me wherever I was. Now that I had finished poring over what written record I had of Hermione, it was time to cut my unwilling sabbatical short... if Minerva would let me.
"While I would love to have you back, Severus, I must insist that you take some more time off. I will anticipate your return before Christmas; in the meantime, I would recommend that you take this opportunity to have a holiday. I'm sure that everyone would agree that you deserve one," Minerva said, eyeing Severus over the top of her glasses and calmly sipping tea from her cup.
"Minerva, I don't need more time. I want to come home."
"You will in due time. Be thankful that I'm not insisting that you have a companion with you. Or maybe you would like Remus's company?"
Severus glared at her, only to receive a teasing smile for his pains.
"I look forward to having you back at Hogwarts. Your absence has been felt, not least in the number of accidents Albus has had to deal with."
"Where do you suggest I go until then?"
"Use your imagination. I am not the person to ask about holiday destinations, as the number of them that I have had is even less than you. It's a pity that I can't come with you and have Pomona take on the role of Headmistress, but Filius's death hit her hard. She's barely managing to keep up with her own responsibilities."
Severus looked almost guilty, having been too caught up in his own wallowing to notice such things. He opened his mouth, floundering for something to say.
Minerva set her cup down, giving a dismissive wave of her hand. "Don't worry. There are others who are supporting poor Pomona in her time of need. Now, we are concentrating on getting our Potions master back. When you return in December, I hope you will be more at peace. I know you think you are more yourself now, and you may well be so, but a little more time to find yourself never did anyone any harm."
"At peace?" Severus hissed. "At peace? I think that you will find that the only time that I will be at peace is when I am six feet under. Since when have I ever been 'at peace'? I'm not sure I know the meaning of the phrase."
Minerva rose to her feet, walking over to the mantelpiece to pick up her Portkey. "And that, Severus, is why you need more time. To learn the meaning of peace. I expect to see you in a couple of months at Hogwarts. Enjoy your holiday, if not for your own sake, then in memory of Hermione." She left Severus fuming, speechless as he watched her vanish.
AN: Sorry for the longer than expected delay. The last chapter will follow shortly. Thanks to LadySunflower for managing to beta this despite other problems.
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Latest 25 Reviews for Tabula Rasa
30 Reviews | 9.67/10 Average
I only found this just the other day, I didn't realise there was an inbetween piece to Redivivus & Resurgam. I quite like it, it's heartbreaking, yet sweet, I can just imagine Albus blowing up the potions classroom with his beard lol.Sorry I didn't review the other chapters, I'm a bit lazy hehehe. Hope you keep writing cos Redivivus & Resurgam are in my top 10 fav fics ever, I'd like to add some more of your stories to it :P
Response from ayerf (Author of Tabula Rasa)
I'm glad Resurgam made sense without reading this first! Glad you like it!So far the plot bunnies keep biting, so I'll definitely keep on writing. I'm very glad to hear that you like Redivivus and Resurgam so much!
WOW!
Another brilliantly written story.
Response from ayerf (Author of Tabula Rasa)
Thank you! I'm glad to hear it.
Uhh, slightly mean. In the beginning I was hoping that it was Hermione that came crawling back trough the veil. Yet is is somebody else. Seems to be a necromancer. The only one I could remember was Grindelwald. On the other hand how could he know who Hermione Granger was, but what do I know about afterlife. So my guess. Grindelwald.
Response from nighthawk (Reviewer)
Okay, if had read the other reviews, I would have known that I couldn't be Grindelwald. Mhh, let me think about it some more....
Response from ayerf (Author of Tabula Rasa)
I seem to have downsized from evil to slightly mean. If it was Hermione, then she'd have gone baaaaaaad.Thing about Grindelwald is that Dumbledore killed him. I suppose it's possible that the dead know of the living (or relatively newly dead in this case).The veil gives a lot of opportunities, as so little is known about it.
Response from nighthawk (Reviewer)
I know you won't tell, but let me guess. Your comments were:Seeing as Lucius was not a Necromancer, nope, it's not him. Well, how would we know before he rises?A new Necromancer. Grindelwald is deader than dead, and Voldy wasn't one. A new one, but it can't be someone, who just died shortly. Because, they would know Hermione and her powers and Mr. X seems to be surprised. Granger? That name I knew all too well. I fought down the surge of panic rising in me. She’s dead. She’s been dead for over a year here, she can’t come back. BUt was does "She’s been dead for over a year here" mean. Where else could she be dead? A parallel universe? And who has bad memories of her? Sirius Black went behind the veil without being actually dead, maybe he could come back. But why should he be bad? Oh darn, give me a hint. I'm going in circles.
Response from ayerf (Author of Tabula Rasa)
Hint: as revealed in Resurgam's prologue, Atropos, the new necromancer, is female. So no, not Sirius.One of your guesses came close to the truth, but obviously I can't say more without spoiling the plot anymore than I already may have done.
OH my is that Lucious back?
Living the faithful readers on cliffside is not very nice dear author. Fortunately you've left it so intriguing what can we do but continue. I saw you've started another section of this story. Will have to wait until kids are in bed... Maybe if I'm lucky they will go to sleep early.
Will tell hubby you've completed this portion.
thanks a bunch.
Response from ayerf (Author of Tabula Rasa)
Thanks!Seeing as Lucius was not a Necromancer, nope, it's not him.But cliffhangers are addictive! Maybe not for the poor readers, but they lend themselves to the story so well.
So...Hermione is still alive somewhere, right? Otherwise the ring wouldn't be glowing. For awhile I also thought that the Necromancer was Hermione, but now I see that it's not. Whoever it is, they know of her. Perhaps they met on the Astral plane?I eagerly wait the next installment.
Response from ayerf (Author of Tabula Rasa)
Yet if Hermione was alive, the ring would be glowing brightly. It's not. But, yes, if she were irretrievably dead the ring wouldn't glow at all.You do make it hard for me to write a spoiler free reply! Atropos, the new Necromancer, knows of them. Which is not necessarily the same as them knowing of her.The prologue to the real sequel should be up soon. Look out for 'Resurgam'.
Response from Kore (Reviewer)
Judging by the title, "she shall rise again," eh?
Response from ayerf (Author of Tabula Rasa)
Could be. The summary being 'Darkness never dies' doesn't really reveal that, even if the title does.
who was talking in that last bit?was it Grindelwald or Voldemort?or someone else?it was a bit confusing 
Response from ayerf (Author of Tabula Rasa)
A new Necromancer. Grindelwald is deader than dead, and Voldy wasn't one. And he was atomised, so even if he was, he could no more bring himself back than Hermione can.Sorry for the confusion, but this Atropos character is meant to be mysterious. I expect questions about identity! None of which I'll answer in replies to reviews, mind.
Enjoyable short sequel. The mere idea of Filch and Hooch gossiping is hilarious. Quite an interesting series you got here.
Response from ayerf (Author of Tabula Rasa)
Thanks! The idea is even more funny when the picture of Filch's trot across the great hall is film!GoF is added. Imagine that turn of, er, speed when he's got some gossip to share.I just hope that the real sequel will be as interesting.
Oh this was fantastic... I am so happy that you added the little end note... for nowThank you so very much for continuing this story as it is one of my favourites.Love Sonia :)
Response from ayerf (Author of Tabula Rasa)
Thank you! Considering that the prologue to the real sequel is in the queue, 'for now' seemed appropriate to add.
Wow, what a cliffhanger!! Who is that? I had my hopes up so much to think that Hermione might be back and then you completely throw a wrench into that theory. Youve literally put me on the edge of my seat.
Snapes grief is heart breaking. Its touching how Snape refuses all the people that are reaching out to help him, yet Dobby silently gives Snape comfort.
Redivivus was a brilliant story and I hope you will continue with these characters!
Response from ayerf (Author of Tabula Rasa)
Who 'that' is would be telling far too much! Help that he doesn't know about at the time of giving is the only sort that Snape can accept. Fortunately for him, house elves excel at that.I fully intend to finish my tale. Leaving it here would be far too cruel to poor Snape... and to my readers.
Answers. Are. Needed. Who is that Necromancer?
Response from ayerf (Author of Tabula Rasa)
That would be telling! I'll submit the prologue to the queue as soon as I've thought up a summary. Problem is that I'm hopeless at coming up with them!
Response from septentrion (Reviewer)
Is the story finished? It isn't marked as such on the main page.
Response from ayerf (Author of Tabula Rasa)
It should be marked as such now. The problem here is that marking it complete while ch 5 was in the queue would give the impression that there were only 4 chapters.
damn damn damn--I can't guess who the "I" is in the last part! I know you're pretty busy, but I will be awaiting the sequel to this in hope.
Response from ayerf (Author of Tabula Rasa)
That was the idea! If you had been able to guess I'd have pretty much had to rewrite what I have written of the sequel. I'll be posting the prologue soon, followed by chapter 1. When I get the latter back from my beta, that is.
OK, that's one spine-chilling cliffhanger of an ending! You had me going for awhile there, thinking it was Hermione, and that maybe she'd come back "wrong" or something. Now I'm just dying (snicker) to know what's going on. So, you'll be posting that sequel soon, yes?
Response from ayerf (Author of Tabula Rasa)
Thank you! For fairly obvious reasons, Hermione can't bring herself back. I'll be posting the prologue soon, although anything beyond chapter 1 will be delayed by such horrors as preparation for exams.You couldn't resist that pun, could you?
Response from firefly124 (Reviewer)
Well, you've left a glimmer of hope with that ring, so even if Hermione can't bring *herself* back, perhaps something else can. Or not. Don't worry, I'm not fishing, just speculating. Exams are the one true evil. Good luck battling them! And no, I couldn't resist. ;-)
He's coming around, isn't he? Thanks for this very moving story.
Response from ayerf (Author of Tabula Rasa)
However much he didn't want it, all he needed was time. Thanks for reviewing!
Have to agree w/Minerva. Severus can't do the job as long as his 'head's not in the game.'
Response from ayerf (Author of Tabula Rasa)
Nope! Not while he's in no state to terrorise the students with anything other than incompetence.
Interesting insight into what happened at the Department of Mysteries and Severus' reaction. I look forward to the last chapter.
Response from ayerf (Author of Tabula Rasa)
I couldn't imagine him being happy with Hermione with her escapade there! The last chapter is no.4 in the validation queue, so might be posted by tomorrow.
scratch that. you are Eviler.
if i beg, will you post the sequel soon?
Response from ayerf (Author of Tabula Rasa)
I take it that you mean the real sequel? I can't start posting that until I have finished Tabula Rasa. I also have to finish the rest of this before I can post it and there's also the necessary delay of each chapter being betaed and then edited in most cases.However, as Tabula Rasa is only going to be a few chapters long, I hope to be moving on to the real sequel by April. I can make no promises though! Begging unfortunately won't make my real life commitments magically disappear.
Response from sandstar08 (Reviewer)
as sad as the news is, i understand. it's the same reason i'm hesitant to post my story until i've finished writing and my beta's done editing. take your time. we'll be here waiting when you are ready. :)
Response from ayerf (Author of Tabula Rasa)
That's good to know, thanks. But as soon as each chapter is ready for posting, I'll update, so I will be posting before the story is completely finished. I hope chapter 2 will be up by the start of March- it's been seen by my beta but needs some editing.
Response from sandstar08 (Reviewer)
yay! *dances*
like your reference to locke's theroy of raising children... not that these are children anymore, eh?but i think you should know as brillant of an author as you are (amazingly good isn't enough really) you are definitely Evil. with the capital E. that was a very cruel and unusual form of punishment. now excuse me while i go hurry to read the sequel. *sticks out tongue and runs away* :-P~
Response from ayerf (Author of Tabula Rasa)
Response from ayerf (Author of Tabula Rasa)
With spells like Obliviate, that theory can apply to more than just children!Me, Evil? Now, what can possibly have given you that idea?This is the second time a reviewer has called me both brilliant and evil. Maybe I should start believing it...
Aww... you're a big meanie! Fancy leaving a cliffy like that! I was planning on an early night, but now I'm going to have to go and read the next one. ;) Good story, though you should let up on torturing poor old Sev a bit, I think my heart might just break if he has to suffer much more. :'(
Response from ayerf (Author of Tabula Rasa)
Good to know that the evil cliffie had the desired effect... I apologise in advance that the next is a wip.
Poor Sev indeed. I can only promise that he'll have a happier ending than in Redivivus at the very end.
So that's why Hermione knew to suggest Murtlap essence to Harry. Very clever of you! It's so heartbreaking to watch Severus going through this.
Response from ayerf (Author of Tabula Rasa)
It makes a change to Hermione just knowing it from books! I hope the heartbreak is realistic. Only a chapter or so of this to go now, then I'll be concentrating on the real sequel.
Response from firefly124 (Reviewer)
I do think it's realistic, and I look forward to the rest of it and then the sequel.
It's heart-wrenching, to see him going through his grief.
Response from ayerf (Author of Tabula Rasa)
The original aim for this was to explore the correspondence between Severus and Hermione. Now that seems more of a sub plot, with precedence given to the study of Severus's grief. The heartache is necessary for realism, sadly, although in the real sequel I'm not planning on having much heartache of the same sort.
The explosion was priceless. So was the Portkey. It's sad to think some of the letters were lost permanently, but maybe that's part of what he needs, to move on.
Response from ayerf (Author of Tabula Rasa)
I'm glad that I can successfully include some humour in this. Severus does need to move on through his grief, but I doubt that he'll ever be truly over the loss.
Response from firefly124 (Reviewer)
True. I don't think any of us are ever truly over a loss like that. But Hermione wouldn't want him spending the rest of his life, his short life if he keeps up as he was in that class, doing nothing but mourning and brooding.
*clinks glass in salute to Hermione & Sev* That Tricksy Albus! LOLOL* Yep, I think the forced sabbatical will do Severus' head good.
Response from ayerf (Author of Tabula Rasa)
*Cheers!* 
If the forced sabbatical doesn't work, at least he won't be in danger of having his head blown off by a potion gone wrong whilst busy brooding.
This chapter was more poignant than the previous one. To let somebody leave you is dying a little oneself, isn't it?
Response from ayerf (Author of Tabula Rasa)
I suppose it is, to both of your points. Severus is either in a mess or is one at the moment.
It's nice to see this story continuing. I do like the flashback method that gives us some wonderful insight into Severus. I especially like that it is her diary he is reading and I really like the idea of pulling McGonagall into this. I think she will be the right person for him to grieve with. I don't know why, but I just think that they would make wonderful friends. I look forward to reading more.
Response from ayerf (Author of Tabula Rasa)
It won't be just her diary either, as her entries into that were few and far between.I get the feeling McGonagall has personal experience of grief, so can help others through it too. Sharing his memories (and his grief too) may keep Severus sane(r).With any luck, more will be up by the end of the month.
the predecessor to this story, "R" for short, was such a gut-wrenchingly angsty story. I was crushed by Hermione's apparent death. I'm glad that you're writing this and planning a real sequel. the stories that have Severus and Hermione happy (for a while) and leave him as a grieving widower are always the hardest for me to bear reading, even more than the Hermione-the-widow stories, since Severus has endured and lost sooo much that to have him lose Hermione is literally the straw that broke the camel's back. the heartbreak is especially difficult for Severus and a reader like myself since he doesn't even have a child, an heir for comfort and consolation (in your story) to remember her by. It's stabbing him (and the heartbroken readers like me) in the gut. Severus is left too much like Rochester after Jane flees Thornfield. 
Response from ayerf (Author of Tabula Rasa)
I can hardly leave Severus in the lurch! Be prepared for more stabs in the gut as grieving!Severus is probably going to be in each chapter. Poor thing didn't even get the chance to be a husband.'R' is soo much easier than typing out the full title. I'm always afraid that I'll mispell it.That smiley pretty much sums poor Severus's situation in this up: stuck in the past.Ooh, the temptation to spill some spoilers. Time to sit on my hands, before they give the game away.