Equal Footing

SB's Notes: Yes, I know. It's been a month. I do have three excuses, two of which are good ones. The first is that getting the hang of being an admin has taken some time and effort, and I haven't had quite as much time as I would have liked for writing.

The second is that little monster you may have seen running around in my back yard called "Potions Master For Sale." Once that idea hit me for V-Day, I was consumed, and all else fell by the wayside until it was completely posted.

The third excuse is simple: I have a one-track mind. Even though I'd already written PM4$, I couldn't focus on writing another story until I had that one over and done with... I have no idea why. Writing and worrying about two or more stories at once is a skill I'm going to have to work on.

Until then, expect this story to be updated often, once or twice a week at least. And now...on with the show!

Disclaimer: I make no money from this; therefore, it would be pointless to sue me, as I am poor.

Thanks go to my stellar, boss, and bodacious friend and beta, Southern_Witch_69. She does a wonderful job!

He wrapped his terrycloth robe around himself and stumbled to the bathroom to relieve his aching bladder. He caught sight of his calendar on the way. It was Monday, the 17th of December 2001––the clichéd first day of the rest of Severus' life. He was going to give treating Hermione Granger civilly a shot today. Frankly, he didn't know what the day held in store for him. This was new ground and more than a little daunting.

An hour later found him dressed in his usual robes and headed to the Great Hall for breakfast. He'd briefly wondered while in the shower half an hour earlier if Granger might consider counting his week of civility if he just stayed in his rooms; after all, he couldn't snarl or insult her if he wasn't around to do so. But somehow he knew that she wouldn't think that a true measure of his sincerity.

And so it was with a deep breath and yet another reminder to himself that he could only go up from here that he pushed open a door to the Hall and strolled as confidently as he could to the Head Table.

She was reading the Morning Prophet, about half-way through a bowl of oatmeal, but when he pulled out a chair and sat down next to her, her eyes came to rest on him as she surveyed him with polite interest. She quirked her lips, giving him an amused smile, and raised her brows expectantly.

Here goes...

"Good Morning, Miss Granger."

When he didn't elaborate and began to serve himself, she nodded almost imperceptibly, apparently satisfied enough.

"Good Morning, Professor Snape."

Severus congratulated himself inwardly on his success and went on with his meal. Fifteen minutes later, he was finished, and he left without another word or glance to go prepare for his first class of the day.

The morning went by unremarkably enough, and it was with a more relaxed air that he entered the Great Hall for lunch. If all he had to do was exchange pleasantries with Granger and refrain from insulting her, it would be easy enough. He could just return her greeting and ignore her for the rest of the meal. Really, he didn't know what he had been so intimidated by.

This belief grew and solidified as lunch went by and Granger didn't even show up. She was letting him off smoothly if she wasn't even going to be there to test his patience. He finished his lunch and strolled out of the Hall confidently, only refraining from out-and-out smirking because there were students who would see.

Two down, Miss Granger, one to go.

~*~*~*~

It was as he was taking his first bite of steak that evening, and Miss Granger still hadn't shown up, that he began to suspect that Karma was about to catch up with him. Nothing was ever this easy; he'd learned that the hard way––repeatedly. The Law of Averages told him that if breakfast and lunch had been simple affairs, logically dinner should be enough of a headache to make up for them, and he was right.

About five minutes later, the door to the Hall slammed open, and Severus watched, his mouth open to take a bite, as Hermione Granger stomped up to the Head Table and practically threw herself into her chair next to him with a huff, muttering under her breath.

He finished his bite and continued to observe silently as he chewed. He noticed that not only was she in an uncharacteristically foul disposition, but also her normally immaculate appearance was in a state of disarray. Strands or springy, frizzy curls had escaped the bun she was usually so strict with; her robes were not only askew but also appeared to have small holes in random places that seemed to have burned through the fabric.

Realization dawned on Severus. So, Miss Granger had been absent from lunch and almost dinner because she'd been otherwise occupied dealing with the fallout from her first Potions accident. Severus had been through enough of them himself to recognize the signs. He almost felt sympathy for the girl. Almost. He might have––had it not been so satisfying to see physical proof that maybe now she would have a better idea of what he'd gone through as Potions master.

Part of what had bothered him since her return was the way the students all seemed to love her classes. They rarely complained about anything more than what they considered to be too much homework over a weekend. Severus hated knowing that the rest of the staff and the student body were watching the seeming ease with which she handled her classes and whispering when they thought he wasn't listening about how they just couldn't see what his problem had been all those years.

Well, those days were over, it seemed. He smirked as he took another bite of steak, listening to her muttering with satisfaction as she confirmed his suspicions.

"Children... immature, dim-witted imbeciles..." She piled mashed potatoes onto her plate violently. "Don't listen... just do what they want." She pulled the plate of steaks over and stabbed one viciously with a fork, dropping it onto her own plate. "I tell them not to mix asphodel with bubotuber pus, but do they listen?" She raised the entire steak to her mouth, not bothering to cut it into pieces, and sunk her teeth into the meat. Her muttering then became a bit harder to understand as she went on through a mouthful of beef, but Severus listened anyway. "No. I tell vem do fop biffering an' liffen do me, but do vey hear me?" She swallowed loudly. "No, they do not."

She stabbed her fork into her mountain of potatoes and began shoveling them into her mouth, punishing them as if they were the errant students she was so irritated with.

Severus couldn't help himself.

"Trouble in class, Miss Granger?"

She turned her glare on him, and he smirked. When she noticed his amusement, her mood turned decidedly fouler––if that was possible. "And what are you smirking at?" she snapped.

"You seem to have––how is it said?––ah, yes, 'spent a day in my shoes.'"

"Shut up," she said, and Severus' smirk turned to a frown. Really, that hadn't been necessary. He hadn't done anything offensive by anyone's standards, least of all his own. He was trying to be civil. If she wasn't going to do the same, then why had she even bothered with her offer?

He became irritated, and his irritation turned to anger as she went on. "I've just had the worst day I've had in a long time. First, your precious Slytherins are fooling around in my class. They explode a cauldron through sheer stupidity and send four other students to the infirmary for severe and painful burns. And they actually looked smug about it, too." At this, she glared at him as though it were his fault. "Then, after I manage to get everyone cleaned up, I assign them a detention with me after classes. They show up late, of course, and then, after I specifically tell them not to, they mix asphodel with undiluted bubotuber pus "just to see what would happen." They are also now in the hospital wing, and I am tired and hungry.

"I come here just wanting to eat and get the day over with, but, no; you have to take this opportunity, as always, to rub my face in it. Thank you."

"Granger," he snapped. "I did nothing of the sort. I did not rub your face in anything. I was simply amused and found it ironic that you had finally had an experience that proved to you and everyone else that your job is not as easy as it looks. And you, sitting there in your self-righteousness, are proving everything I've thought about you to be right. So thank you."

"Oh, well, that's rich. Throw it back on me. I don't know why I thought you were interested in treating me like a human being. I'd say it's clear that you have no interest in doing anything of the sort, and I was wasting my time to give you a chance."

Severus' mouth dropped open incredulously as his eyes narrowed. "Pardon me, Saint Granger. I don't recall asking for a chance in the first place, but I certainly won't make the mistake of asking for one in the future. If this is what comes with your help, I think I'd do better without it. If I want to associate with children, I have a school full of students for that."

He wiped his mouth, pushed his chair back from the table, and stood up, feeling incredibly disappointed. He felt like his one lifeline, his first step toward climbing out of the hole he was in, had been nothing more than illusion. Hermione Granger was nothing more than a hypocrite, and he wanted nothing to do with her.

"Of course," she said sarcastically. "Walk away."

He didn't answer, just turned and left. He'd had enough, and apparently there were students in the hospital wing who needed their Head of House.

~*~*~*~

Hermione's expression was sour as she watched him walk away. She consumed her dinner without paying attention to what she was doing, her thoughts on her horrible day and the scene that had just taken place. She fumed as she ate, and when she left, she stormed straight back to her quarters and slammed the door behind her.

She paced her living room, muttering under her breath and scowling, replaying the day and his words in her mind. It wasn't until about half and hour later, after she had told herself repeatedly that he was a boorish arsehole and that it was all his fault, that she calmed down enough to realize how unbelievably stupid and childish she'd been. She groaned as she remembered that he'd been trying to be civil and realized that she had made it impossible.

She sat down on her sofa and buried her face in her hands. What had she done? He hadn't even done anything offensive. She'd just been in a bad mood and had taken her frustration out on him. Her face flushed in mortification as she realized how incredibly self-righteous she must have sounded. She was giving him a chance? Oh, how big of her. 'Saint Granger' was right.

Nicely done, Hermione. You just did exactly what he said. You proved to him how childish and hypocritical you are.

That thought gave her pause. Was she really a hypocrite? Did she really see herself as some angel of mercy who was going to give him the path to happiness on a silver platter? God, that was a horrible thought... She didn't have all the answers. She wouldn't even know how to begin to 'fix' Severus Snape. She just knew that he wasn't happy and that she wanted him to be. She couldn't offer him a miracle, but she could offer her friendship. That's all she'd really wanted. She'd wanted him to know that she could be a friend to him, that she'd listen and wouldn't judge him.

But in her irritation and brashness, she lashed out at him. The first test of friendship, and she'd proven that she wasn't trustworthy. Gods, how ridiculous had she been! She'd woken up this morning thinking it would be a test of his sincerity, and it had wound up being a test of hers...and she'd failed.

She'd really made a mess of things. She owed him an apology; she knew that. And she had some serious thinking to do. Who was she to pass judgment on him, and was she really that kind of person? It was a scary thought, but one that needed looking at; however, first, she needed to try to undo the damage she'd done.

Before she could talk herself out of it, she took a deep breath and marched herself to Snape's door. She knocked several times, but there was no answer. She waited for a minute and knocked again, this time harder. "Professor Sn..." The door flew open. "Oh."

He was glowering at her as if she were the lowest form of life...and if she was honest with herself, she couldn't blame him.

"What do you want?"

She forced herself to look him in the eyes. "I owe you an apology," she said quietly.

His expression did not change...he went on looking at her with loathing...but she pressed forward. "My behavior at dinner was inexcusably immature. I was irritated with my day, and I took it out on you. I assumed that you were insulting me, and I lashed back without even thinking. I realize that you did nothing wrong, and I'm very sorry for treating you the way I did and for proving you right."

There was a long pause in which she forced herself not to stare at her feet, even as her face burned and her breath caught.

"Is that all?" he finally said, and she felt like she'd been slapped. But there was no way around this. She knew that she deserved whatever scorn he laid upon her.

"Yes, that's all," she said. "I just wanted you to know that I realize how childish I was, that I'm sorry, and that I'll do my best to make sure I don't take my irritation out on you in the future."

"How big of you."

Hermione cringed. Damn him. Damn her. "About that..." she said. "I know how incredibly presumptuous my offer to help you must have sounded, and I can't begin to tell you how foolish I feel for being such a hypocrite. But despite my behavior this evening, I want you to know that I don't think you need to be fixed."

He snorted in disbelief, but she held up her hand. "I know that's how it came across, but that's not what I think. I don't believe you are defective. I believe you're just... lonely...and angry... and just... in need of a friend. The way I treated you wasn't very friendly, and I'm sorry for that."

"Thank you for that insight into my character. I certainly feel understood now."

Hermione bit her lip, not sure if she should apologize again, yell at him, or just walk away. In the end, she just nodded and turned to leave, not knowing what she was going to do and feeling upset and lost. She'd gone about five steps when his voice stopped her.

"Miss Granger..." he called. "That's one day down, six more to go."

She whirled around in surprise, her eyebrows disappearing into her hairline, and found his door slammed firmly in her face. She stood there frozen, staring, for quite a while before a slow smile crept onto her face. She stared at his door with a grin until she realized how silly she must have looked and walked back to her quarters.

It hadn't exactly been a pronouncement of forgiveness or even and acceptance of her apology, but it had come damned close. If Severus Snape was capable of forgiveness, that had been it.

Later, as her head hit the pillow, she was still smiling. She still had a lot to think about, but as that door had slammed in her face, she'd learned something she'd needed to know. It could have been a bitter pill to swallow, but for some reason it wasn't. It was the knowledge that she was just as in need of growth as anyone else.

Of course, she knew deep down that she wasn't perfect, but this had just pointed it out in a blatant way. Two things occurred to her as she lay there.

The first was that if she was going to have any sort of friendship Severus Snape, they needed to be on equal footing. And now they were. Her immature behavior had accomplished that, and as embarrassing as it was, she couldn't help but think it was a good thing. She didn't think it was right or possible to have a real friendship with someone when she considered herself to be bigger than they were, better. She realized she didn't want to be Saint Granger.

The second thing that hit her was that it was ironic; she'd sent that letter to him thinking that she was going to offer her help and that he would end up having to find out who he was. But if tonight was any indication, she was going to find out just as much, if not more, about herself.

And she laughed as she thought of how sarcastic he was...even in his anger. She could honestly say that she liked that about him. His wit and intelligence, his sharpness of tongue, even when aimed at her, these were things that nobody else she knew seemed to possess. No, she didn't like it when he set out to hurt her, but she could appreciate his quick, dry humor. She'd just have to learn not to take it personally.

She'd proved to be capable of irritating him, and he was obviously more than capable of taking her down a peg or two...

Maybe they'd be good for each other.

~*~*~*~

Severus shut his door and let out a long sigh. He'd listened to every word she'd said, even as he'd given her a hard time. He done so partly because she'd deserved it... but also partly because after her initial apology, he'd wanted to see how sincere she was, how far he could push her and if she would hold her ground. She had. And it appeared she wasn't quite as childish as she'd seemed.

Yes, her behavior had been immature, but if it had only taken her an hour to recognize that, Severus thought that was a good sign. He did find it ironic, interesting... the way they were continually testing each other.

There was a lot to consider...but mostly, he was just relieved.

~*~*~*~

This time, he arrived at breakfast first, and she came in a few minutes later, looking as good as new. Her robes were repaired, and her hair was properly tamed. As she sat down, she ventured a look at him and found him looking back at her.

"Good Morning, Professor Snape."

"Likewise, Miss Granger."

She concentrated on buttering her waffles for a moment. "Pass the syrup, please."

He gave her the jar of syrup, and she gave him a smile.

"Thank you."

He nodded politely, and she chuckled.

"What's amusing?" he asked, frowning a bit.

"We sound like we're programmed on polite."

He arched a brow. "I thought that was the idea. This had better be counting towards my week, Miss Granger, or I'll just keep my civility to myself."

His warning was delivered seriously, but Hermione took a look at his quirked lips and knew he was teasing her.

She was glad he felt he could.

She laughed again. "Professor, about that week of civility..."

"Yes?"

"I think we should forget about it," she said, voicing the conclusion she'd come to overnight.

"What?" he asked with a frown.

"I've realized that it would be very... hypocritical...I seem to be using that word a lot lately...of me to insist that you prove yourself to me in a set time frame like that. I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I've come to the conclusion that I have just as much to prove to you as you do to me."

"I see..." he said.

"Do you?" she asked. "I told you that I didn't have anything to prove to you, but the truth is... I'm not perfect."

"You don't say." His tone was completely dry, and she smiled wryly, setting down a pitcher of orange juice.

"Shocking, right? Hermione Granger has flaws." It felt odd to tease herself, but good in a way, and she couldn't help but laugh for a moment at the newness of it. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that friends should be on equal footing. I'd like to be your friend, if you'll let me, and if we are friends, I don't think it would be right for either of us to be holding something over the other's head."

He only stared at her, and she felt like she was being weighed and measured, though his expression gave nothing away.

"What I'm really asking, Professor, is if we can start over. No more insults and cruelty from you and no more self-righteousness and childishness from me. If we're to be friends, we both have to start from now."

Still he only looked at her, and she began to feel uncomfortable. "Professor? Say something. I feel like I'm one of those self-help gurus in monologue mode..."

That made him snort.

"I don't have many friends, Miss Granger. I can't say I know what it means to be a friend. But... your offer of friendship is... welcome. I'll endeavor not to abuse it."

The smile she gave him brightened the room. "I'm glad, Professor. I'll do the same."