Chapter 12 - Being in Logos

Beyond Time and Space

Chapter 12 – Being in Logos

Human nature is so well disposed towards those who are in interesting situations that a person, who either suffers great trauma or death is sure of being kindly spoken of. A month had not passed since Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley's names were at Hogwarts, before they were, by some means of other, discovered to have lost nearly every recommendation of person and mind that they could lay claims to in their early youth. It was not another month, in June, when Severus finally came face to face with his most hated students.

The caregivers at St Mungo's believed that a brief sojourn to a familiar place would improve their spirits. St Mungo's, therefore, applied to the Headmaster at Hogwarts, who immediately acceded to the hospital's modest request. Because the invitation was issued with such alacrity, Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley and Luna Lovegood found themselves at Hogwarts at the end of the school year. Severus had the good fortune to receive them alongside Poppy Pomfrey, Albus Dumbledore and Hermione Granger. He had been more than stunned by the vivid alteration in Potter and young Weasley. Potter, at least, still had his wits about him, even if he was a worse stuttering idiot than Quirrell. Young Weasley, on the other hand, could scarcely care for himself. And that nurse with them, undoubtedly a Potter devotee, looked so completely ineffectual that Severus wondered as to her capabilities.

"Really," sneered Severus disdainfully at the sight before him. "Am I needed at the reunion of the Trio?"

"My boy, I have no doubt that Harry will improve on seeing you," said Dumbledore quietly, instructing Hagrid to take their guests' things to the infirmary.

"It does nothing to improve my mood, Headmaster. I shall be in my rooms if you should require me; Professor Granger can welcome them herself."

Noticing Harry making towards them, Dumbledore made no attempt to stay Severus. As the Potions Master moved to flee from the guests, Harry sputtered, "Pro...Prof...Profess...Professor...Sn...Snape - I...thought...you're d...dead!"

Before any reply could be made, a loud banging sound elicited a piercing scream from the annoying boy-who-lived-again who proceeded to curl up into a ball on the ground with his hands on his head. Stunned, Severus watched silently as Luna Lovegood coaxed the cowering and desperately quivering figure.

"It's all right, love," she cooed, her overly wide eyes glistening moistly.

"W...What w...was th...that?" Harry asked shakily without removing his hands from the back of his head.

Luna stroked his back. "Someone's playing exploding snap – the students. We used to play it, remember?"

Harry quivered. "L...Loud, don...don't l...let it c...come n...near m...me, L...Luna. D...Don't l...leave me, L...Luna. D...Don't l...let th...them g...get me!"

"Dear, dear, I'm here. Look at me, be a good boy, Harry," Luna pleaded. "Look away from the floor. That's a good boy; look at me – see, I'm here. I'll take care of you, all right?" she soothed, embracing the trembling figure while helping him to rise.

Severus had not anticipated this; Potter looked thinner than he had ever done in all his years of antagonising him – this was not the young Potter he despised with a vengeance. This was not the Potter that resembled his miserable father and Sirius Black in arrogance. In fact, Severus was completely unacquainted with this young man. Just as he was about to enquire after Potter, Ron crept up behind him and put a hand through him. Realising that, Severus turned sharply at the redhead and started to rebuke him, "Bloody fool! What were you trying to do?"

Ron only laughed wildly, clapping his hands with the delight of a four year old and tried to repeat his experiment. His second endeavour proved to be a failure as Severus summoned his powers to render himself impenetrable.

"A veritable fortress," commented Hermione snidely, as she pulled Ron away. She had to struggle to restrain her delirious friend as he wailed loudly at his failure. "I've a present for you. It's a wizard's chess set; you'll like that."

Hearing Ron's cries of joy, Harry screamed and pointed his shaky finger at Severus, "Y...You're de...dead! W...Why? Why are... y...you ba...back? Why...you an...and n...not Sirius?"

Severus bowed and curled his lips contemptuously. "How kind of you to notice, Potter."

Madam Pomfrey, looking increasingly flustered, quickly ushered everyone into the infirmary.

Dumbledore only shook his head as he warded the infirmary's doors. "This is a very merry party," sighed Dumbledore.

Watching Hermione soothe Ron whilst Luna cooed softly to Harry, Severus turned to the Headmaster. "Can nothing be done for Weasley?"

Dumbledore sighed, "Hermione has tried your formula – the one you had used for the Longbottoms, but to no avail. She believes it must have been combination of the half-hit killing curse and Nagini's venom that made him resistant to it."

Severus almost slapped himself for his inobservant stupidity. Of course, Ron was unable to recover – the Order had saved him from the avada kedavra. Instead of killing him, it irrevocably damaged the nerve centres of his brain. Moreover, the Dark Lord had tampered with Nagini's venom. Severus himself made the adjustments to the snake's venom centres. Together, the partial killing curse and the venom would incapacitate anyone permanently. It was only natural that his counter formula had failed; they were not dealing with a simple cruciatus curse. Young Weasley's memories and cognitive abilities were not lying dormant, as was the case with the Longbottoms; they had been completely obliterated. There would be no hope for him. Severus recalled the arrant stupidity of Potter and Weasley who had stumbled into Nagini's chamber. How like Weasley to exhibit the loyalty he was so famed for by throwing himself before the snake as it sought to lunge at Potter! How typical it was of Potter to attempt to save his friend from Bellatrix's killing curse! How typical of Potter to insist that the eldest Weasley son remove his brother to safety! And to what end? It would have turned out better had young Weasley actually died. At least, he would not be a burden on anyone, as he clearly was in his present state. He reflected on the onerous burden that was his ghost for a few minutes, his features darkening with every thought.

Whilst engaged in such thoughts, Severus neglected to hear Hermione calling for him. "Severus!" she shouted, catching his attention and shattering his speculations. In so doing, she only succeeded in making the invalids shriek and laugh once more.

"What designation did you just employ?" he snarled, his lips curling in rampant anger.

She defended herself with a scowl. "I had to get your attention!" Her arms akimbo and her eyes burning with annoyance, she continued, "Now that I've claimed it, go talk to Harry! He wants to speak to you."

"But I am disinclined to do so," he hissed dangerously, earning glares from Dumbledore and Hermione.

"Do you want to help yourself? If so, speak to Harry!" she commanded, moving to help Madam Pomfrey. "NOW!"

"If only you would stop," muttered Severus, sotto voce.

"If only you would stop," Hermione responded crossly, directly meeting his eyes.

"Very well." He drifted to Harry still glowering at Hermione. "If it will make you stop!"

Dumbledore shook his head with a light smile and followed Severus to Harry's bed.

"Y...You're l...lucky, Sn...Snape," stammered the quivering young man. "Wh...Why c...could...couldn't it ha...have b...been S...Sirius?"

Severus scowled at hearing his old adversary's name. "I don't know, Potter, and it's still Professor Snape to you!"

"B...But y...you're h...here! Wh...What h...have y...you d...done to 'Mi...Mione? Sh...She's be..become y...you." Harry demanded unevenly, tightening his grip on Luna's hand.

"Nothing!" grunted the Potions Master. Giving the lad a disparaging look, he continued, "Yet you two are infinitely more enviable than Mr Weasley!"

"N...No!" said Harry firmly. "He d...does...doesn't kn...know an...any...anything anymore. He l...looks ha...happy th...that w...way. He is...isn't l...like us. He's the...the one wh...who ha...has it g...good."

"There now, Harry, do not tire yourself unnecessarily," chirped Dumbledore quickly, offering his bag of sweets to the lad. "Oh, my boy," shrugged the crestfallen older wizard, re-pocketing his sweets. "You mustn't waste all your energy at once."

"Wh...Why am I l...like th...this wh...when ev...every...everyone s...seems the...the s...same? Wh...Why am I af...afraid of ev...every...everything? I d...don't l...like it," stuttered the-boy-who-lived-again petulantly.

"Some circumstances are beyond anyone's control," ventured Severus sagely.

"He's right, my boy – be thankful that you're alive. You have everything awaiting you in the future. Miss Lovegood will accept you for what you are, regardless of how self-conscious you are about yourself. Hermione has treated you and Mr Weasley as she always has. She is still cantankerous, I concede; as you are, might I add. But she has learnt to grieve. You too must to grieve. Severus is grieving too."

"I am doing no such thing!" protested the Potions Master vociferously.

"Whatever it is," chuckled the old man sadly. "You must accept, Harry, that anger is a part of the process, so is grief. There is no shame in either. You shall always be one of us."

"H...How ca...can y...you s...say th...that wh...when y...you l...look, fe...feel and s...sound ex...exactly th...the s...same!" bellowed the sputtering invalid. "You d...don't kn...know wh...what it's l...like to s...suffer l...like we d...do. L...Look at 'Mi...Mione be...being ex....exactly l...like Sn...Snape! You th...think th...that's gri...grieving? L...look at Ron, h...he's a ha...happy id...idiot, is th...that wh...what a...awaits us wh...when we l...live? L...look at m...me, I ha...have al...almost s...single-ha...handedly de...fe...defeated Vol...de...mort and ev...every s...sound gr...grates in my ears and mi...mind. If I'm g...going to end up like Ron, ca...can't I be over and d...done w...with it? Wh...Why m...must I be as I am? Pro...Professor Sn...Snape's d...dead, b...but he's back and not...nothing's ch...changed for h...him, ex....except for his app...appearance. You d...don't understand, Pro...Professor Dum...Dumbledore! You just d...don't! Not you, not Her...mione, not Pro...Professor Sn...Snape, not Mrs Weas...Weasley – no one understands!"

"Qualify yourself, Potter," hissed Severus indignantly, "Your lady seems to understand. Quit your snivelling and do not insult the Headmaster or Professor Granger. They possess wisdom with intelligence. She is far more adept than you are in coping with your war wounds, physical or otherwise. If you had any sense, you would have realised since your eleventh year that Professor Granger is effectual in her ways. She possesses a strength of character, understanding and coolness of judgement, which you cannot hope to aspire to."

"Severus, behave," warned Dumbledore.

Ignoring the buzzing from the Headmaster's direction, the Potions Master narrowed his eyes at Potter and went on, "She, though young, is qualified to be your counsellor and you constantly did not heed her! Arrant knave! Do you presume to know what she thinks and how she feels?"

"Severus," cautioned Dumbledore again.

"Not now, Headmaster," the spectre continued in his low vein. "She could have counteracted, to the advantage of the three of you, that eagerness of mind in you and young Weasley, which has led to destructive impudence! She has an excellent heart! Her disposition, if you were not so blinded by the selfsame arrogance of your father, you would see, as affectionate."

"B...But Her...mi...Hermione d...doesn't fe...feel!" retorted Harry, flinging off Luna's hand.

Dumbledore sought to mitigate matters by consulting his astrologer's watch. He quickly reminded them as he made an attempt to depart, "Time, gentlemen, please."

"Not now, Headmaster," snapped Severus testily. "Potter! You are blind! Even Weasley can see Professor Granger for what she is in his current state. Look at her! Damn it, craven knave! Look at her! Her heart is excellent, her disposition affectionate and her feelings are strong. They are every bit as strong as yours. However, unlike you," he sneered triumphantly. "She knows how to govern them. You, on the other hand, have no moderation!"

Severus's voice echoed as he stormed out of the infirmary. "The gall of Potter to presume the worst of a woman whom he considers his friend! The nerve of him!" Severus fumed as he threw himself lightly into his sofa in the relative safety of his chambers. So this was what the Golden Trio had devolved into – only the formidable Hermione Granger remained. Excellent! The much loved Potter reduced to a nervous wreck, a shadow of his former arrogant self and the lively Quidditch captain reduced to a blabbering idiot. How very apt! The hero of the wizarding world twice over was now an insecure pup! Ha! A delicious irony worthy of Sophocles! He congratulated himself; for although he was an ethereal being, he was in better physical and mental shape than either Potter or Weasley.

On deeper reflection, Severus came to realise that he was in fact much better off than Harry and Ron. He had something to look forward to. He had grown accustomed to the concept of sharing on his better acquaintance with Hermione. He certainly was not scarred by the events as Harry was and he had his precious mind intact. If anything, this meeting with Harry and Ron taught Severus the value of life. He came to know the value of another. Having Hermione around felt comforting and in a way, he was no longer lonely. Damn his neediness! He would have to return to life soon if he wished to make his intentions known. If they were rejected, he could live with it – he had been a solitary creature for most of his life, he could easily resume it. Damn! Damn this infernal hope! Thus, cursing himself between bouts of self-congratulation, he waited for Hermione's return.