Deliberation

~ Deliberation ~

When Harry and Ron arrived at their destination, Hermione was still struggling in Ron's arms. He held her tight, her chest against his Quidditch-hardened one, so that she could not flail her arms or escape before they had the tiny apartment warded. When the dank rooms were properly secured, he lowered her feet to the floor to stop her from kicking him in the shins, something she had been trying to do since they Disapparated from Hogsmeade.

"Grab her wand, Harry," was all he said through teeth gritted from the effort of keeping her still.

"What are you...get your bloody hands off me, Ronald Weasley! And don't you dare touch my wand, Harry Potter!"

Hermione screamed, twisting in Ron's not-so-friendly embrace, doing everything in her power to make him let go, but he was too strong for her. Ron just held her tighter. Harry approached, and like the adept Seeker that he was, he filched her wand from a pocket beneath her robes without too much difficulty.

"Keep her still," Harry grunted above the sounds of scuffling feet. "I need her to drink this."

Tucking her wand in his back pocket, Harry pressed her body between his and Ron's to cease her movements and to keep her from seeing exactly what it was she was about to drink. His arm circled around her head, trapping her chin in the crook of his elbow. She flailed more, but with both Ron and Harry holding her, she had even less hope of release. When Harry grabbed her chin and forced the edge of the bottle against her lips, her screaming stopped and her mouth shut up tight. She wasn't going to let anyone force her to drink something when she had no idea what it was. The gods only knew where they obtained it from. She had a sneaking suspicion that it wasn't legal if they had to force her to drink it like this.

"Come on, Hermione. Open up. The potion is for your own good. It's safe. The man at the apothecary told me that it's used frequently on brainwashing victims."

"For the last time, I have NOT been..."

Harry took advantage of the argument and tilted the vial into her open mouth. She spat the contents onto Ron's shirt.

"Aw, come on!" Ron yelled indignantly. "This shirt is new!"

"Just hold her, Ron. You know how to use a wand; clean it later," Harry growled. His patience was growing short at Hermione's resistance. He swore under his breath, mumbling something about Snape and a cauldron that would have had Mrs. Weasley scouring his mouth out with soap.

"Open ... your ... mouth," Harry said in Hermione's ear and forced her jaw open. Before she had a chance to breathe, he administered another dose of the potion and clamped her mouth shut, holding his hand over both her mouth and nose and giving her no choice but to swallow. She thrashed between the bodies of her kidnappers, desperate for air. Only when her throat swallowed reflexively did Harry let go, leaving Hermione to gasp for air in Ron's arms.

"Might as well let her go, Ron. I have her wand now, and the wards will hold her. She isn't going anywhere." Harry set the bottle of mostly-drunken potion on the counter of the kitchenette and patted his back pocket to reassure himself that her wand hadn't fallen out.

The second Ron released her, Hermione dropped to all fours and began retching. The potion tasted worse than anything she had ever tasted before, and even worse, it seemed to have left a film on her tongue and teeth. However, all the retching seemed to do was fill her nostrils with the potion as well. She couldn't rid herself of it.

"Try all you want, Hermione. It's spelled to stay down," Harry said calmly, waiting for her to finish her dramatics.

"Bastard," Hermione spat, wiping away tears on the sleeve of her robes. "What gives you the right..."

"We love you. That's enough of a right. Someone had to save you from that pompous, self-serving, Death Eater of a git."

Ron spoke the last few words with such hatred in his voice that it started the adrenaline pumping through Hermione's veins. She stood slowly, keeping an eye warily on the two men, and took stock of her surroundings. The windows were boarded, the light was dim, the room was dingy, and she had no idea where they were.

"Where are we?"

She tried to mask the anger in her tone. The only reason they had released her was because they knew she wouldn't be able to Apparate. Harry had said something about wards. The only way she was going to be able to escape was to make them drop their guard. She had to make them believe...somehow...that this potion was working, even though she knew it wasn't going to do a thing, except maybe give her a stomachache. She scraped her tongue on her teeth, trying to get rid of the taste in her mouth.

"Someplace no one will find us," Harry stated matter-of-factly, walking over to the sink to draw a glass of water from a lime-encrusted tap. "Someplace safe where you can recover from your ... ordeal."

"The only ordeal I need recovering from is finding you two in bed together." Her lip curled at the mention of their infidelity, and she would have gladly knocked the glass of water from Harry's hand if she hadn't needed a drink so badly.

"Yeah. Well, I'm sorry you found out that way. I..."

"Sorry I found out that way? You're sorry I found out, but you're not sorry that you cheated on me? This was the ultimate betrayal, Harry. And now I've not only lost you and what we had...or didn't have as it turns out...but I've also lost the only other friend I felt close to."

"We were going to tell you," Harry explained softly, handing the glass of water to her.

Hesitating momentarily only because Harry still had not addressed anything she had said, she took the glass. The water was cloudy, but anything had to be better than what she had just drank. She took several long, deep swallows, trying to wash away the acrid taste of the potion, and found it at least to be cool and mildly refreshing.

"So, how long does it take for this potion to supposedly take effect?" she asked.

"The man said it varies with the individual, but generally not longer than a couple hours," he answered, shrugging.

"Ah." Hermione nodded and looked away, deciding it wasn't worth it to say anymore to either of them. They wouldn't believe it if the potion looked as though it worked immediately. She needed to bide her time and say as little as possible in the meantime.

She fiddled for a minute with the glass in her hands until she noticed the abandoned potion bottle sitting on the counter near the sink. Casually, she walked over to the sink and flipped the tap open to rinse out her glass and wash her hands...making a face when she discovered that there wasn't any soap. She made sure to place the glass next to the bottle, although she was pretty sure that neither Harry nor Ron were paying any attention, and when she had finished and closed the tap, she palmed the tiny bottle and stuffed it in a pocket.

Her eyes roamed around the filthy little apartment. The walls were peeling paper. The floors were smudged and crusted in places with dirt that had been there for ages. The whole place smelled as though it hadn't been occupied for months, maybe years. It certainly hadn't been cleaned in as long.

"If it's any consolation, Hermione," Ron spoke up suddenly, drawing her attention to the ratty, torn-up old sofa upon which he had perched, "I'm sorry we betrayed you ... but you have to understand, it wasn't something we planned. We ... it ... there was one night a long time ago, while we were still at Hogwarts, and we never spoke of it again until..."

"Not that it really matters anymore," she interrupted, "but how long has this been going on?"

Ron looked over Hermione's shoulder at Harry, and she turned around just in time to see Harry shaking his head and mouthing, "No."

"What?" Hermione was trying to remain calm, though it wasn't easy. "Don't think you've lied to me enough? Oh, sure. What's another lie on top of the scads of lies you've told me already? What an excellent way to win me back, Harry."

She stalked over to where a window should have been and stared at an abnormally shaped knot in one of the nailed-up planks of wood. Not even a chink of light dared to sneak in between the planks; they were too closely placed. There was no hope of glimpsing even a tiniest bit of the surrounding area.

Harry and Ron had their heads together on the other side of the room, whispering to each other. The occasional word slipped across the room, but not enough for her to hear the entire conversation. She tried to piece together what they were talking about from words such as "apologize" and "potion" and "leave." The only thing that made sense was that they were waiting for the potion to take effect so they could leave, and that they knew she wasn't about to move past what had happened without a real apology.

Not that either of them knew how to apologize. What sort of apologies had those been? Harry obviously didn't think he did anything wrong; he only apologized for her finding them together. And Ron ... Well, Ron's apology was better, but he had started to make excuses for his behavior, which negated the apology in her opinion. Without doubt, any sort of close relationship with either Harry or Ron had been damaged beyond repair. Still, if they apologized sincerely, perhaps she could find it in her heart to forgive them someday...just not right away, and certainly not for a long time.

But she had to concentrate on getting out of there. Whatever plan they had come up with, the only way she was going to get out of there was if they believed the potion was working. And the only way they were going to believe that was if she stopped arguing with them and started treating them like she had before ... before she had the misfortune of finding them in bed together.

But the potion was not working like they thought it would, though it was no surprise to her. If it truly was a potion given to brainwashing victims, then they had procured it illegally. Either that, or Harry had gotten it from someone in Knockturn Alley; in which case, it was probably as effective as sugar water. Honestly, Harry was always a little too gullible. Whether the potion was real or a dud, she had not been brainwashed, and therefore, it would not work on her. So she was forced to drink that putrid substance for nothing. Well, not nothing. If it was going to get her out of this nightmarish situation, then she supposed it was for a reason.

She didn't feel any different at all; there wasn't even an aftertaste in her mouth anymore. What she did feel, however, was intensely angry at Harry and Ron. How dare they add insult to injury by abducting her and accusing her basically of not being sane...no, of not having the intelligence to make the decision of who she spent her time with. How dare they insult Severus by accusing him of brainwashing her, when he was the one who took care of her after her so-called friends had broken her heart and scattered the pieces.

Taking a slow, deep breath so neither Harry nor Ron would notice how angry she actually was, she decided it was time to start the game. She had to appear like she was willing to listen to them. She had to look like she was coming around to their way of thinking. Sighing inwardly, she turned around, only to collide directly into Harry's chest. Her first instinct was to step backward and mutter an apology, but he wouldn't let her move away. Unwelcome arms wrapped themselves around her body in an embrace that was sickeningly familiar. Her body stiffened in response.

The only thing that kept her from pushing him away was the warning that blared top-volume throughout her brain: "Make him think his plan is working!" That meant she had to accept his embrace. Slowly, she forced herself to relax, and when Harry realized she wasn't going to try to escape, he gathered her closer.

"I've missed you so much, Hermione."

The words were spoken into the bush of her hair and in a tone she hadn't heard for years, since perhaps the first year they were together. She wondered suddenly if this thing between Harry and Ron had been going on for all these years. Could she have been so stupid not to see it? Was she really that blind? Or perhaps she had wanted to be blind. Denial was definitely a strange thing.

Her body softened in Harry's embrace...as much as it was going to get...allowing him to hold her, to caress her shoulder, to nuzzle her hair, to sway slightly in a manner that comforted only him. Every little thing Harry was doing, she analyzed, and it left her wondering what exactly he was up to. It wasn't until he kissed the top of her head and then tilted her face up to meet his that she discovered at least part of it.

She almost pushed him away, so repulsed was she by his advances. She desperately wanted to. This was so wrong! It was almost like she was betraying Severus, even though he would undoubtedly understand she was merely doing what it took to get herself out of there. It was pretty much a forgone conclusion that this was all going to be up to her; no one was going to be coming to her aid.

When Harry's lips met hers, she felt sick to her stomach. She forgot to react at first, her lips seeming to have frozen. But Harry's lips moved his against hers, coaxing her to respond. It was a test. It had to be. If she didn't follow his lead at least a little bit, this would end up dragging out much longer than she could handle. With great difficulty, she forced herself to match the movement of his mouth, albeit stiffly. She couldn't help the tears that began forming in her eyes.

When Harry stopped kissing her, she was relieved and silently and collectively thanked the gods. But then, his hands took up where his mouth had let off and began to roam her body. He grasped one of her breasts over her clothing, and he buried his face in her neck. She turned her face so he wouldn't notice the grimace of distaste on her face. The only thing occupying her mind was a single phrase that played over and over: "Please, stop."

She withstood it because she had to. Under this much pressure, she really didn't see how she had any other choice. And it wasn't just the fact that Harry was touching her so familiarly that bothered her...it was that he was treating her like he had throughout their entire relationship, and she had just never seen it until now. He took what he wanted from her, taking pleasure in his own actions and just assuming that whatever he was doing must be good. But he never bothered to really take the time to make sure. Not that she wanted him to do that at this particular moment. Right now, she just wanted him to leave her alone.

Finally, when his hand lingered too long...and painfully...over her breast, she ended the charade. Anything beyond this would just be above and beyond what she should have to endure. She scrambled for an excuse to make it look as though she really wanted this even though she was pushing him away.

"I'm, uh ... I can't ... it's too much ... too soon," she lied.

She turned away, facing the covered window once again. What she really wanted to do was scream. How dare he violate her body on top of everything else! How dare he think that he had any right to her body anymore! She felt anger that she had let him do this much ... felt ashamed that she had cheated on Severus. But she knew that wasn't what had actually happened. That knowledge, however, did nothing to stop her from wondering if Severus would be angry if he knew.

Severus. He must be so worried right now. Suddenly, she felt a desperate need to have this whole ordeal over with as soon as possible. She was going to have to lay it on thick and let Harry and Ron know that they had done the right thing to force-feed her that potion. She would actually have to admit that Severus had brainwashed her. And it would be a good idea if those words actually came out of her mouth. These two had never been good at noticing subtle cues; mostly they had to have things spelled out for them.

"Listen, Hermione. If it makes you feel better to hear it, I really am sorry. I want you to come home with Ron and me. I want us three to make a life together. Sure, it won't be a conventional relationship, but it's becoming more accepted in the wizarding world and...well, don't you think it would be more ... exciting to have more than one partner? We'd never get bored."

Bored? She supposed that would be his next excuse for being unfaithful. He was bored. Perhaps she hadn't been the best in bed, but he hadn't really allowed her to explore enough to further her skill.

Harry turned her to face him and took both her hands in his. She didn't look up to face him. She felt so detached. What he was proposing was insulting; not to mention threesomes had always been rather disgusting to her as an idea. She was a one-man woman, and she expected her man to be the same way. It was a little sad that Harry had not done the right thing and let her down way back when he realized that he would rather be with Ron than with her. She didn't know what it was now that made him ask her to come home with the both of them. Perhaps it was a sense of ownership. Perhaps he still lacked the courage to let her go. Or perhaps she was just a habit he could not break.

Her ability to analyze the situation proved how detached she felt. She had been so miserable for so long. Now that she was finally admitting this to herself, she knew that all of this was behind her. She no longer needed to hang onto Harry. She didn't need him to prove her worth anymore. Life would go on without him. Subconsciously, she had been detaching herself from this relationship for longer than she thought. She simply did not feel a connection with him anymore.

Not wanting to meet Harry's eyes, for fear that he would read the truth in them, she answered in a small voice, "I suppose we could try that."

Harry and Ron suddenly had her pressed between them, hugging her, their voices stumbling over the other's, reassuring her that she was making the right decision; overjoyed that they were all once again happy and solid in their friendship.

A weak smile plastered itself on her face as they chattered on excitedly. Their words were completely lost on her. Instead, she was focused somewhere far away, where she hoped Severus was waiting for her. Keeping his presence firmly wrapped around her...someplace she'd rather be than where she was at the moment...she started to say the most difficult thing yet.

"Th...thank you. For giving me the potion, I mean." The boys settled down and stared at her expectantly. "I don't know what came over me. I was so upset. Severus was there. I...I guess..." Gods, this was incredibly hard. "I guess he took advantage of my fragile emotional state and convinced me that I would be better off with him. In the dungeons. Like a prisoner." She sent a thousand silent apologies to Severus, withdrawing everything she had just said about him.

"See? I told you that nasty bugger had brainwashed her, Harry. I said it totally sounded like it, that she would never go with him willingly, much less stay with him in his quarters!"

Ron babbled on, while Harry muttered choruses of, "Yeah" and "You were right." Hermione let them go on about her and without her, while she stood there with her eyes closed, praying that they would accept this as enough of a breakthrough to take her home. It was getting late. It had been an incredibly long day, and according to her stomach, it was close to dinnertime.

"Boys?" Her voice was weak, and they didn't hear her at first. She took a couple deep breaths to will away the faint nausea that had settled in her gut after everything that had happened.

"Excuse me!"

Harry and Ron stopped suddenly and stared at her, smiling at having their Hermione back and bossing them around.

"Listen, it's late and I'm getting dreadfully hungry. Unless you have anything worth eating in this place...not that I could eat here comfortably, mind you. You could have at least cleaned the room before bringing me here! Could we go...go home and order take-out or something?"

Home? Harry's flat would be the first place Severus would look. If they Apparated there, she could be rid of this whole ordeal much quicker. Still, it hurt to say "home." She liked that flat. She couldn't live there anymore, even if Harry eventually let her have it. There were just too many bad memories now; it felt tainted somehow.

"Excellent idea! How about that new place, Ranolfo's? I heard they make an excellent veal Marsala." And off Ron went again, babbling about food. If there was a surefire way to get Ron's mind, at least, off the fact that she had been supposedly brainwashed, it was the mention of food.

Harry, however, sized her up more closely. He seemed hesitant to leave so quickly, unsure if she was completely cured and if they should maybe stay a bit longer just to be sure.

"Really, Harry," she said by way of encouragement. "I'm okay. I'll be okay."

Satisfied, Harry drew her wand out of his back pocket and handed it to her with an apologetic smile. "I suppose you'll need this, then."

Taking it gingerly from his grasp, her first instinct was to hex the both of them for putting her through this. Then, she toyed with binding them and going to fetch an Auror. But there were still the wards and the fact that she had no idea where they were, and how would she bring Aurors back to a place she had no idea where it was?

Sighing, she smiled her thanks for the return of her wand and waited for Harry to bring down the wards. She would hope that Severus would be waiting for her when they reached the flat and take care of this entire mess.

Together, they Disapparated.

~