Guess Who's Coming To Dinner, or, What Does Xana*du*?

AN- Mich: I really wanted Hermione to use a 'Swifferuswetjetius' housecleaning spell, just because my Swiffer Wet Jet is my favorite battery operated toy at the moment, but she kyboshed the idea. In other news, sorry this chapter is sorta short, but Z. is going away on vacation and wanted to get something up before she left. Next chapter will be twice as long, promise.

Zambi: Yeah, I'll be in North Carolina, without a Swiffer Wet Jet, which wasn't even invented in 1998, the year that Hermione will graduate from Hogwarts. I did, I want you all to know, offer several Latin phrases that would have cleaned the floor and straightened the cushions more than amply, but we decided that instead of fighting over semantics, we'd just post the bloody story. I'm also sorry that it's so short; we have a lot to say, and not enough time to say it in. Next chapter will be very long, though. I promise.

Snape was rarely at a loss for words, but facing his brother after so many years seemed to have momentarily stripped him of his mental faculties.

Flavius looked....good. Healthy. Although pale, he wasn't as white as Snape had been since time immemorial. He wasn't as tall as Snape had remembered, which made sense considering Flavius had left when Severus was still a boy. The tell-tale Snape nose seemed slightly more pronounced than normal, obviously broken at some point and left to heal on its own instead of being repaired magically. Flavius' hair was long - well past the middle of his back - the dark black shot through with steel gray, and it appeared that the lines around his mouth were etched there by laughter and not pain.

Studying his older brother intently, Snape wasn't even aware that Hermione had moved to his side until her tiny hand slipped into his, gripping his fingers warmly. His brother had not said anything to him at all; instead merely staring at him with trademark Snape intensity, his dark eyes glittering with some unknown emotion.

It was Hermione who finally broke the interminable silence, stepping forward and holding out her hand to the younger blonde man who was staring at Severus as if he had seen a ghost.

"I'm Hermione Snape," she offered brightly, "and you are?"

The younger man blinked slowly, as if breaking out of a trance and turned to face her. "Hermione SNAPE?" he replied. "Flav! Did you know your brother was married? I don't recall you mentioning that to me when we talked about him."

"I didn't realize he was married," the older man responded gruffly, his gaze never leaving Severus' face even as he suddenly demanded, "What did you say your name was, girl?"

"Hermione," Hermione replied sweetly.

"As in, Hermione Granger, the Mudblood witch who's best friends with Potter?"

"One and the same," she grinned back, even as Severus stiffened at her side at the term 'mudblood'.

Flavius cracked a light smile at that, "If father wasn't already dead, news that you married a half-breed would have killed him for sure, Severus." As far as acknowledgements went, it wasn't much of one - but it was a start.

Snape snorted, "Indeed. If he were alive, that would have been a good-enough reason to marry her. And keep a civil tongue in your mouth - if you call her a Mudblood again, I shall have to rip it out."

"Duly noted," Flavius retorted. A brief silence ensued, in which no one said anything, before Flavius offered, "It's good to see you again, Severus. You're looking well."

"You also, Flavius." Again, the conversation came to an uncomfortable end. Snape knew that beside him, Hermione was rolling her eyes.

"Well....I suppose we better get going then," Flavius again broke the silence. "Have you decided what you want Xan?"

"Go?" squeaked the young man in question, "Just like that - you haven't seen your brother in over twenty years and now you want to go?"

"Severus, say something," Hermione hissed at him. "Are you going to just let him walk away, after all this time?

When he didn't reply, Hermione shook her head, "You promised me you'd try..."

"Alright, alright," Snape muttered, glancing up at Flavius and noting with amusement that the blonde who was with him appeared to be lecturing him as well. "I just don't know what to say to him."

"Invite him for dinner!" Hermione admonished. "For goodness sake, he's your brother."

Before Severus could actually say anything, though, Flavius had turned towards him again. "Severus..." he began, stopping suddenly and scowling at his young friend, before starting again, "Severus - I am glad to see you again. I would like to...I mean, I was wondering..."

"I'm pleased to see you as well," Snape interrupted stiffly when Hermione nudged him in the ribs with her boney little elbows. "I have often wondered how you were faring over the years and it is pleasant to see that you seem happy."

"You as well," Flavius responded, but his shoulders relaxed fractionally.

"I'm so sorry," the man named Xan said sweetly. "I forgot, I'm Madame Xanadu deMarche. But you can call me Xan."

Hermione smiled. "Just don't call me 'Mione, or I'll have to hurt you."

"Not quite the threat anymore, is it?" Xan asked, laughing.

Snape watched as Hermione blushed a beautiful crimson before breaking down into laughter. "You and Flavius simply must come for dinner tonight!"

"Yes," Snape said rather quickly. "Yes, you must, Flavius."

"Where are you staying?" Xanadu asked. "We could Floo over to you."

"The Blue Sun Villa," Hermione responded. "But it's unplottable, we'll need to meet you up a ways from the beach. If you walk directly up this path, and then stop at the white house with the Greek Orthodox Cross on it, we'll meet you there. Come around two this afternoon. That way we'll have plenty of time to catch up."

"Oh, that would be lovely," Xanadu said happily, clapping his hands. "Oh, I'm so happy to meet you, Hermione. I always wanted a sister!"

Hermione smiled. "So have I!"

Snape finally managed to tear his eyes away from the spectacle that his "wife" and "brother-in-law" were making to look at his brother. He realized that they both had rather pinched, put-upon faces from being forced to observe such a spectacle in public, especially since they were involved in it. He felt better, but just a little. Flavius seemed to, also, as he gave his brother an understanding half-smile.

"See you later, then, Severus," he said, holding out his hand.

"Yes, around two," Snape agreed, shaking his brother's hand firmly.

Hermione practically skipped back to the villa, babbling the entire way about how wonderful the afternoon and evening would be. She loved Xanadu already, and Flavius seemed so much like him that she was sure she would love him, too. Then she started talking about all the work they would have to do when they got home-especially cleaning up.

Snape then inadvertently began their next argument.

"Clean up what? We've hardly been inside at all!"

"We've been living in there for two days. Your sandals are in the living room, the morning paper is strewn on the coffee table, and there are dirty dishes in the sink from last night! Not to mention all the sand."

"Of course there's sand. We're staying on a beach."

They reached the door and Hermione washed off her feet in the small fountain. "Fine. Have it your way. If you want your brother and his husband to think that we live like pigs, then that's what we'll let them think."

Snape stalked into the house in her wake, and stopped abruptly in the living room. Cushions from the sofa were strewn here and there from where he had been sleeping on it intermittently. He sighed. Now he would have to apologize to Hermione for being wrong.

"Hermione?" he asked as he walked into the bedroom, which had clothes strewn here and there, and the bed clothes were all disheveled. Hermione was sitting in the middle of the mess, seemingly oblivious to it, her small pert nose buried in a rather thick book.

"What is it, Severus?" She didn't even look up.

"It's just that I uh...well...the house is a bit unsorted at the moment..."

She looked up. "Are you saying that the house needs cleaning?"

Snape decided that he really didn't want to answer that question. "I...er...I find that your initial assessment is correct, and I agree that we should perhaps straighten up a bit."

"Do you?"

He could tell that he wasn't going to win by simply telling her she was right. "I'm sorry for my reaction."

What was he doing? Apologizing? What was wrong with him? He never apologized!

"That's all right, my love," Hermione whispered. She then did something so wholly unexpected that he never quite understood it.

She stood up on the bed, walked over to him, and jumped into his arms. Snape was too surprised to do anything other than catch her, and found himself even more surprised when she leaned close and kissed him soundly on the lips, a chaste kiss, but filled with meaning.

He set her down, still staring at her in wonder.

"I love you, Severus Snape. Even when you're being unreasonable."

The corners of Snape's mouth lifted ever so slightly, and he wondered how long before she began kicking herself for saying something she did not mean like that. He also wondered how he would explain Hermione to Flavius.

"Come along, Severus, your brother and Xanadu will be here in only a few hours!"

* * * * *

"You really expect me to wear...this?" Snape practically threw the 'this' in question into Hermione's face and scowled at her when she waggled her eyebrows at him.

"You can't spend an afternoon on the beach wearing linen trousers," she responded reasonably. "You need to wear a bathing suit. And these aren't bad at all – they're black, and they're shorts. Albus could have packed you a speedo or something, so count your blessings and quit complaining."

"What in the world is a speedo?" Snape sneered.

"I'm sure Xan will be wearing one. They have to be seen to be believed." She calmly handed him back the bathing suit. "Now, can you put this on please – we have to go meet them soon."

"Hermione, there is mesh on the insides."

Hermione grinned at him. "Don't worry, they're all made that way. Keeps your dangly bits secure and all. I promise you it won't hurt and if it does, I'll kiss everything better for you later on tonight."

Snape could feel a surge of heat rushing to both his face and his groin. The chit had managed to make him blush – something no one had ever been able to do for as long as he could remember – and turned him on at the same time. His gaze drifted to her lush mouth.

"Hermione," he managed to grit out with as much dignity as he could, considering the situation, "You shouldn't say things like that."

"Can't help it. You make me think naughty thoughts. Now, are you going to change or are you waiting for me to help you?"

"You are an irritating bossy chit, you realize," he scowled at her again, turning his back as he headed to the bathroom to change. "I can't believe I'm actually going to put these things on."

Her answering giggle was cut off when he slammed the door behind him.

* * * * *

TBC