New Chapter for Handbook for the Recently Deceased
Handbook for the Recently Deceased
Clairvoyant85 Reviews | 6.79/10 (85 Ratings, 0 Likes, 5 Favorites )
Snape awakens in the Shrieking Shack to find his world upended. A story written for MoreThanMolly, the LJ community celebrating the awesomeness of überfangirls MollysSister and MoreThanSirius.
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About Clairvoyant
Author
Clairvoyant
Member Since 2007 | 12 Stories | Favorited by 42 | 585 Reviews Written | 281 Review Responses
I'm a fifty-year-old working mom and wife. I discovered HP fanfiction late in 2007 and fell in love. My favorite pairing is SS/HG, but I also enjoy stories featuring the triumvirate of Slytherin bad boys: Severus, Lucius and Draco!
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Reviews for Handbook for the Recently Deceased
Oh gawds! Loved it to pieces! Was funny and so fun reading each chapter. Thank you for sharing. :)
Response from Clairvoyant (Author of Handbook for the Recently Deceased)
So glad you liked it. Thanks for taking time to review!
loved the story, especially the parts that made me giggle. I'm still not sure that I figured it what the missing spell ingredient was to bring Severus back though, love? something , else? ill just chalk it up to reading this late at night/early in the morning. ;)
Response from Clairvoyant (Author of Handbook for the Recently Deceased)
So pleased you liked my funny tale! I'm always tickled pink when a reader tells me I've made them laugh. You're absolutely correct: Love is the secret ingredient. I just couldn't picture the stoic Snape ever saying that out loud. Thanks for reviewing.
'Riddle's wrinkly sac!'
Yes, I do feel reading this your love and joy in writing it--every wonderful word of it--thank you again for another masterpiece in celebrating love and life!
Can't wait for your next one!!! *anxiously waiting for a certain sequel* Thank you again for all of your detailed depth & lore intertwined with rebirth & yearning & humour & love and... yadda, yadda ;-) xxx
Oh poor Severus. Even his peaceful days of death are now outnumbered. Will he be able to spook the builders I wonder.
Super wee chapter that left me smiling.
Thanks again.
Response from Clairvoyant (Author of Handbook for the Recently Deceased)
Poor Severus, indeed! He can't find a peaceful resolution even in death. What's an antisocial ghost to do? Your question will certainly be answered in the next chapter. Thanks for reviewing.
I laughed out loud when Severus opened the door to exit the Shrieking Shack and found a bizzard of snow. Then as he reentered at a run I suddenly thought of the movie Beetlejuice as it was and is one of my favourites. When spotting you mentioned this film as your inspiration for this story I admit I hooted with delight.
Poor Severus Death has bit him on the bum right enough and now he has to read a book on the subject.
Off to read the next part and even more delighted as I have found this after the story has been completed. Lucky me.
Thanks so much for writing and sharing.
I adore this type of story.
Response from Clairvoyant (Author of Handbook for the Recently Deceased)
Death comes along quite frequently in the HP world, so why not a special book about it for navigating the unknown? The book title from Beetlejuice was irresistible. How could I not use it or many of the other clever items within that funny, black film. Thanks for the lovely review. Hope you enjoy the rest of it, Wildcard.
thank you great story
Response from Clairvoyant (Author of Handbook for the Recently Deceased)
You're very welcome. Glad you liked it!
Response from Clairvoyant (Author of Handbook for the Recently Deceased)
You're very welcome. Glad you liked it!
I enjoyed the story very much. Thanks for sharing.
Response from Clairvoyant (Author of Handbook for the Recently Deceased)
You are very welcome. Thanks for reviewing.
And again my dear, you have given me great cause to always look on the bright side of life..dada dada dada dadahh. And dahling you can be as evil as you like but......chicklit? I mean that's just wrong.Oh well I suppose a gal...or a guy has to make a buck. I did wonder if he'd become the wizarding equivalent of Gordon Ramsay.Nice to know also that Abe has given up the goats. Magical, wonderful story. So humourous and so well wrtten. A terrific combination. Here's to your next venture. Best wishes, love Ali xxxx.
Response from Clairvoyant (Author of Handbook for the Recently Deceased)
Thank you, Ali, for another glowing review. It was tough choosing a career for the new Severus Snape. Ultimately, chick-lit won because it offered him anonymity and the ability to work from home in his jammies. The food service industry can be harrowing at times. It's hard work, lots of contact with the masses, and the ever-present danger of... a flesh wound! Thanks again.
The ritual was wonderfully intricate, and well thought out, you Hermione did a lot of research. The next chapter can't get here soon enough. P.S. do you know that the script runs way off to the left? to read it I have to scroll to the left, as well as down, it makes it very hard to read , as I can only read half a sentence, then scroll left to read the rest then back again to the right to continue.
Response from Clairvoyant (Author of Handbook for the Recently Deceased)
*waves* Hi, mick! Research? Pfft! 'Twas nothing. *drops from exhaustion* No, really, it bogged me down for such a long time, but I got over the block, much to my relief. Not sure what's going on with the script. It looks okay on my screen. Have you tried playing with the font size buttons near the top of the page? Next chapter will post in a few days... (insert ebil grin).
Those ingredients... I laughed at so many of them. Helluva way to just 'wing it' yeah?
Response from Clairvoyant (Author of Handbook for the Recently Deceased)
Hermione likes to have every aspect covered, and I hope she accomplished that with her extensive list of ingredients. Glad you got a chuckle out of that.
Phhhhhhhhbt! You'd better have a good explanation for this, missy! Who's going to replace that roof, now? And the sink? Do I look like a plumber to you? Your fire insurance is definitely going up. ^_^
Response from Clairvoyant (Author of Handbook for the Recently Deceased)
And to think Hermione was worried about losing her security deposit if she moved out before her lease termed. That sort of damage wouldn't be allowed by the worst slumlord. Like the lady said, she's got it all under control. You just have to wait until next week to see how it all turned out.
ooo evil you lol bring on the update poor hermione
Response from Clairvoyant (Author of Handbook for the Recently Deceased)
Hee hee! Sorry about that. I don't have too many multi-chaptered fics floating around the interwebz, but I usually end my chapters at some logical point with no loose ends. Just couldn't resist the cliffhanger here. Stay tuned...
I am completely impressed with Hermione's list of potions ingredients! Clearly, if you can't find it at Sainsbury's superstore in Greater Edinburgh, it doesn't exist. Reading about her clever stand-in's for the essence of Severus Snape had me howling with laughter. Our Hermione has thought of everything—including dog biscuits dosed with knockout drops for Fluffy and Olay® Total Effects moisturizer.
The resurrection spell was filled with POWER... until it wasn't. And when the smoke cleared on the first night of the full moon... WHAT?
Oooh, a cliffhanger. Weren't expecting that, right (insert multiple winks)?
No, I was not. And you've left me with an overpowering need to find out what has happened to to both of them! In an effort to help you post the next chapter quickly I am frantically flailing my arms and hands to clear away the smoke. Please hurry! I look forward to each update!Beth
Response from Clairvoyant (Author of Handbook for the Recently Deceased)
All that and the kitchen sink! She really does have it all under control... or does she? Hermione concentrated on Greco-Roman mythology plus a little bit more when she created her potion/spell, but with her thoroughness and tenacity, she could have been travelling for years gathering more information for a more complete ritual. Let's hope this works, eh? Sorry about the cliffhanger. That's usually not my style, but I couldn't resist! Thanks for reviewing, Beth.
Ooooh, this chapter is so wonderful--full of Snape's feelings of futility (so sullen he's reading Magical Me--poor man, er, spirit!), and then to have a vision of beauty and longing before him, out of reach but not out of mind (well, perhaps, he is out of his mind about her, gaga, which is a good thing-hehe!(--Hermione--the tension just sweeps you up and whirls you along to and through the ritual. And what a wonderful ritual, just everything: the descriptive prose, the action and observations/perceptions, and feeling it happening only to have it disperse, truly leaving everyone feeling *frustrated* (contently so, but frustrated as their hopes are dashed and we're left with them drained or worse! *nail biting time!*)... Love the details and descriptions, just simply brilliant, yummy rich goodness. Thank you for all of the wonderful indepth research intertwined in this plot: it's just perfect and fascinating, C! More, more, more!
Response from Clairvoyant (Author of Handbook for the Recently Deceased)
All these final chapters were so challenging to write. There was research, research, research for travel destinations and symbolic potion ingredients. Then to relay that information to the reader in an interesting manner along with touching upon the feelings of a mostly emotion-free man... Now you know why this took forever for me to finish. But I'm pleased as punch to know it has the intended impact: lots of funny and a little bit of 'tear you apart' drama. Thanks for your help in all this!!!
Just adore all of the detailed references as well as all of the scrumptious, juicy banter! She would surely suffer a conniption... or choke on her shortbread. HA! Severus' revelation to Hermione's wickedly clever ways is just so wonderful, C! I've always been enchanted by your uncanny, keen sense of humour and luscious style--and am still suspicious of what supposedly is your civilian job... 'Clairvoyant's Book of Witticism' (move over Wilde) or such could make early retirment a reality for you when so inclined--looking forward to more, more, more!
Response from Clairvoyant (Author of Handbook for the Recently Deceased)
If Hermione spent enough time around a Slytherin, she would be bound to pick up some good habits, like stealth and manipulation. Thanks for another glowing review, nag. I wish these writing skills of mine could translate into an eary retirement... or the opportunity to quit my day job. * <i>sigh</i>* A gal can wish, right?
Hey, if you can't mine popular culture for ideas to write a story based on books that are popular culture, then where can you mine for ideas? And Severus might just want to exile himself when Hermione starts up with any of her ideas. ^_^
Response from Clairvoyant (Author of Handbook for the Recently Deceased)
Right! Considering it takes place in the late twentieth century, I couldn't logically use obscure references from the nineteenth, now could I? Off hand, I can't find too much to mine there except Oscar Wilde and Gilbert and Sullivan. Snape will be a reluctant guinea pig for Hermione's experiment, but the alternative isn't very promising for him.
I had fun spotting all the pop culture references, I must admit when they first started talking about a resurrection spell, I thought of " Hello Again", but I'm sure Hermione will come up with something special just for Severus.
Response from Clairvoyant (Author of Handbook for the Recently Deceased)
Oh, how I loves me some pop culture refs. I can't help myself. <i>Hello Again</i> is cheesy, but I like it so much. You can't beat wacky Zelda and her love for sister Lucy. And you know Hermione... She will try and try and try until she brings Snape back... or she will die trying.
...and it read like stereo instructions. Oh, how I hate stereo instructions....if the heart spoke too freely of a wicked past, casting too many aspersions about one's character, the dead would be deemed unworthy of eternal “life” and the gods would then toss the heart to a voracious monster as a light snack. Oh, D'Ammit! How very Crocodilian! Lion! Hippopotamus!Yay! Hermione! Our favorite Know-It-All has the bit in her teeth now, and I hope Severus has on his best riding habit cuz I think he is in for the ride of his life!Well done, m'dear. Beth
Response from Clairvoyant (Author of Handbook for the Recently Deceased)
Not like today's all-in-one systems, but the olde tyme component stereos with all those wires to hook up. Why was something so simple so complicated? I picture Snape's miniscule heart to be but a tidbit for the large and fearsome hippo, and it likely tastes bitter. Snape in for the ride of his life? If he thought Voldemort was bad, he'll think Hermione is monumentally more evil when she gets through with her original resurrection magic. So glad you liked this, Beth!
Response from braye27 (Reviewer)
I LOVE this! 'Can't wait to see what Hermione cooks up for our Severus. Will he be scared to death?
Response from Clairvoyant (Author of Handbook for the Recently Deceased)
Awww, thanks, Beth! Scared to death? LOL! Annoyed perhaps, but I don't think he'll ever be scared again, not after his encounter with that REALLY big snake.
Luna hit the nail on the head{ as she does }. Hermione has no idea of what could happen to Severus, she thinks he will go to a place of light and peace, not the room of lost souls. Severus needs to set her straght, no matter how annoying he has been, she wouldn't wish that on him.
Response from Clairvoyant (Author of Handbook for the Recently Deceased)
There definitely limitations to correspondence courses as we witnessed here. And until Snape finishes his 'unfinished' business, he isn't going anywhere! Now that they have an understanding, Hermione is more than willing to help solve his problem whether he wants her assistance or not. Thanks for reading and reviewing, mick.
Hmmmm, no more tricks or voyeurism, is it? What about serenading her in his cinnamon infused chocolate voice? ^_^
Response from Clairvoyant (Author of Handbook for the Recently Deceased)
He is a man... erm, ghost of his word, and she can trust he won't go all Peeping Tom on her. As far as the singing, I think they'll have to get to know each other really well before that happens. Besides, I think Hermione is more into visual stimulation -- books! -- rather than aural.
Luna's spirit relocation ritual was delightful! And though it didn't work as well as Hermione would have wished, I think Luna gave her biggest, bestest clue in the world:“That's good because you have a lot in common, you know. The two of you should get along swimmingly unless you kill each other. That's kind of a moot issue, isn't it?” My thoughts exactly! Albus' trust building exercises had me rolling in the aisles. I had this mental picture of Ronald Regan dressed in Dumbledore's wizarding regalia pronouncing, "Aha! Trust but verify!" Thank you for such a grin-inducing chapter! It was a great way to start my day.Beth
Response from Clairvoyant (Author of Handbook for the Recently Deceased)
This was one of my favorite chapters to write all because of Luna. She's such a hoot. Only she would be into ghost whispering... through a correspondence course, no less! Don't you think the people with lots in common get along so well, but they know what buttons to push too? Camaraderie with passionate bursts, I think.And in going along with the New-Age touchy-feely theme, I imagined Albus and Voldemort giving motivational speeches to rally their troops. I'm not sure if RR would have the same impact if he were dressed in Dumbledore's star-covered robes. Thanks for another great review, Beth.
Even though Severus got to use his newly learned trick of turning his face green and making smoke waft from his ears, he never got close to the "juicy red boils" stage. I wonder if he'll ever make it that far or will he and Hermione be able to reach a détente, before one or the other of them blows a gasket?
I loved it when Hermione told Snape that he deserved a BAFTA for his performance in the Shrieking Shack. I also loved his broody response. But the funniest part (for me) was when he very slyly lead her to understand that it was he who left the "get more brandy" message in the bathroom mirror, and that he thought she had fabulous tits. And last, but certainly not least, the absolutely most delicious part:
“Professor, how could you violate my privacy like that? I’m offended.” “Miss Granger, how can you begrudge a dead man a peek at those fabulous tits? I used to pay dearly for such an honor.”
Will our dear Potions master be able to wriggle back into our favorite Know-It-All's good graces and once again take up residence in Hogsmeade Arms Apartments, Building One, Flat One?*howling with laughter* I can't wait for the next chapter.Beth
Response from Clairvoyant (Author of Handbook for the Recently Deceased)
In the War for Control of Hogsmeade Arms Apartments, Building One, Flat one, I would score Hermione: 1, Snape: 1. He's in exile now, but he won't give up that easily. And he's done so much offense to her, from tossing out her clothes to watching her in the shower, he'll be making amends well into the next century. Thanks so much reviewing, Beth!
Hermione - 1; Severus - 0. Next round, please. ^_^
Response from Clairvoyant (Author of Handbook for the Recently Deceased)
LOL! You knew that was coming! Stay tuned for next week's battle.
GO! HERMIONE! that will give Severus something to think about, when he has calmed down a bit of course.
Response from Clairvoyant (Author of Handbook for the Recently Deceased)
Hee hee! You just knew she wasn't going to stand for that sort of behavior. How will this war escalate? Stay tuned to find out! Thanks for reading and reviewing, mick!
Just saying I lovve it.But why didn't she cast a silening charm if the banging on the wall was so persistent?
Response from Clairvoyant (Author of Handbook for the Recently Deceased)
Thanks,
Response from Clairvoyant (Author of Handbook for the Recently Deceased)
. So pleased you are enjoying this. Did you get a peek at the next chapter?
Response from Esmeralda (Reviewer)
Nop But it seemed the logical thing to do, ans ans Hermione is such al logical girl. I'm so curious where this will go. Please keep updating!
Response from Clairvoyant (Author of Handbook for the Recently Deceased)
Your interest will be rewarded soon. Another chapter will be posted next Thursday. Thanks for reading and reviewing.