Epilogue: Keep Calm and Carry On

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Epilogue: Keep Calm and Carry On

From: Filius Flitwick <goodthinginsmallpackage@yahoo.co.uk>

To: Hermione Granger <hgranger@charmsandmore.com>

Subject: I'm keeping my owl for the time being

Date: April 29th, 2000 11:24 AM

Dear Hermione,

I'm so proud of you, Charms mistress extraordinaire! Your ability to seamlessly integrate Muggle technology and magical forces astounds me. The "Internet cafe" you installed for Aberforth is one of your greatest innovations, not to mention that other accomplishment we don't mention.

Miss Lovegood was kind enough to set up this electric address for me, and now I'm writing you from the New Hog's Head Inn. I had to wait over an hour for a free computer! It's so popular with the Muggle-borns and half-bloods that Abe has limited their online time to thirty minutes. He's making a tidy sum selling those fancy coffee drinks – lates and kappa-chinos – to the folks on queue.

So, this electronic mail business... I'm not ready to grant my owl leave to retire. I like the in-the-moment communication capabilities "e-mail" offers, but that only works if one has near constant access to a computer; I don't imagine those aren't very portable. Plus, there's little beauty in the computer-generated fonts. Give me ink, quill, and parchment, and I'll show you emotions. Perhaps I need to spend time "swimming the web," as Miss Lovegood suggested.

I'm eagerly awaiting your response!

Yours truly,

Filius

From: Hermione Granger <hgranger@charmsandmore.com>

To: Filius Flitwick <goodthinginsmallpackage@yahoo.co.uk>

Subject: Re: I'm keeping my owl for the time being

Date: May 1st, 2000 9:01 AM

Dear Filius,

I am so proud of you, too. Change can be difficult, challenging at best. You have embraced this new, technological marvel with open arms, no easy feat in the traditional wizarding world. You've seen firsthand how popular this electronic medium is. I think you'll come to appreciate the Internet even more as you "surf the web." Have fun, but be responsible. That means if you visit questionable sites, I don't want to hear about it.

Yours truly,

Hermione

P.S.: I absolutely adore your email address! I would expect nothing less from the cleverest Charms master ever.

From: Luna Lovegood <moongoddess81@thequibbler.com>

To: Hermione Granger <hgranger@charmsandmore.com>

Subject: Loose-lipped half-Kneazle

Date: May 1st, 2000 10:09 AM

Dear Hermione,

I don't want to alarm you, but I think we may have a situation here with Crookshanks. As soon as you dropped him off yesterday, he ran off to the Weasleys, where he remained until this morning. He won't admit as much, but I think he was gossiping about Severus. Is this cause for worry? As for me, I've been silent as the grave regarding that subject.

Cheers,

Luna

From: Hermione Granger <hgranger@charmsandmore.com>

To: Luna Lovegood <moongoddess81@thequibbler.com>

Subject: Re: Loose-lipped half-Kneazle

Date: May 1st, 2000 10:13 AM

Dear Luna,

I can always count on you to be the soul of discretion, my friend. Don't fret over Crookshanks. Even if he did let loose a secret or two, we can trust the Weasleys to remain quiet about it. He and I will have a serious conversation about idle chitchat when I pick him Wednesday evening.

Fondly,

Hermione

From: Jane Workman <editor7@harlequin.com>

To: Renata Fenice <rfenice@yahoo.co.uk>

CC: Stephen Smythe <headhoncho@symtheliteraryagents.com>

Subject: Upcoming Book Release

Date: May 2nd, 2000 9:34 AM

Dear Renata,

I hope this letter finds you well and on the mend. The release date for The Lusty Librarian, the second novel in your Spies and Spinsters series, has been pushed back to July 11th, in the hopes you will have fully recovered from your multiple ailments and be able to attend the book launch party to be held that same evening at Waterstones Trafalgar Square (details to be announced). Harlequin is planning a marketing juggernaut to exploit the breakout success of your first novel, Double Agent Provocateur, and the party is our way of honoring our newest rising star/author (and it makes for good publicity too).

What terrible luck you've had this year with regards to your health; your agent tells me it's been one thing after another for you. I understand the weather in London has been spectacular this spring, but sadly, you're housebound with pneumonia. Then if that weren't enough, now you're laid up with a broken leg! Stephen said your cat is a handful, but I didn't believe him at first when he told me the old tabby purposely tripped you up. What a naughty boy he is.

Stephen has also informed me that you're making excellent progress on your current project. He allowed me a sneak peek at the first chapter, and I loved it! You've demonstrated a talent for writing romantic period pieces, but I think your true calling is modern chick-lit. Harlequin would be very interested in publishing this book when it's complete. We'll talk when you're ready.

Wishing you a speedy recovery and continued inspiration in your writing. I look forward to seeing you, mysterious author – and your equally mysterious agent – at the party.

Sincerely,

Jane

From: Renata Fenice <rfenice@yahoo.co.uk>

To: Jane Workman <editor7@harlequin.com>

CC: Stephen Smythe <headhoncho@symtheliteraryagents.com>

Subject: Re: Upcoming Book Release

Date: May 2nd, 2000 10:05 AM

Dear Jane,

You are so kind to be concerned about my health. I also look forward to a full recovery in the near future, to be hale and hearty once again and take advantage of the unusually glorious spring weather here in the UK.

I'm humbled and overwhelmed by the success of my first published work; never in my wildest dreams did I expect it to be as popular as it has been. I know Harlequin wants to celebrate my achievement, and I appreciate their efforts more than you can know. Becoming a published author is a dream come true for me, and I don't believe I could have attained that without your support and encouragement. But I am an intensely private, shy woman, and even if I were well enough to attend the launch party, I would be supremely uncomfortable as the guest of honor, the focus of all upon me. Please accept my sincerest apologies and extend those to management as well. I hope this development won't impact the release of my book.

Best regards,

Renata

P.S.: While I remain your mysterious, reclusive author, you might still convince Stephen to attend the party. Perhaps you could tempt him with some Macallan 50 or above.

From: Renata Fenice <rfenice@yahoo.co.uk>

To: Hermione Granger <hgranger@charmsandmore.com>

Subject: Dodged a stunner, I think...

Date: May 2nd, 2000 10:10 AM

H,

My editor, Jane, has just informed me the release date for The Lusty Librarian has been pushed back to July so that I will be "fully recovered from my ailments" and be able to attend the launch party Harlequin will hold in my honor. To invent yet another illness would look suspicious, so I came out and told her I'm too shy to endure such a public event and I wish to remain outside the spotlight... well outside. However, I mentioned that she might be able to entice – with expensive booze, of course – Stephen to make an appearance. Ha ha... That will never happen.

And now I return to my regularly scheduled morning task of writing. I'll be shopping for groceries this afternoon, so speak now if you have any special requests. For dinner tonight, I'm making veal osso buco, risotto Milanese, and tiramisu.

S

From: Hermione Granger <hgranger@charmsandmore.com>

To: Renata Fenice <rfenice@yahoo.co.uk>, Stephen Smythe <headhoncho@symtheliteraryagents.com>

Subject: Re: Dodged a stunner, I think...

Date: May 2nd, 2000 1:05 PM

S,

Riddle's wrinkly sac! You are a piece of work. Why can't you tell Jane the truth: you are neither a middle-aged, female writer nor a literary agent. Hasn't your reclusive author act gone on long enough?

On the other hand, I've heard you're a dab hand at potions. Why don't you look for a middle-aged woman with a few hairs to spare? Then you won't have to use that trite excuse of the painfully shy author avoiding all publicity.

And what will be Stephen's excuse to avoid the party? There is no such thing as a shy literary agent; that sounds like a bad oxymoron. Agents live to make business connections, so I don't see how you can get out of that obligation unless Stephen contracts a convenient illness at the time of the book release. How does he expect to make a living with one client, anyway? ~wink, wink~

Now onto more important matters. I don't think you realize the importance of today date. It's your rebirthday! What do you have in mind for celebrating? Perhaps I should be in charge of making dinner?

XOXO,

H

From: Renata Fenice <rfenice@yahoo.co.uk>

To: Hermione Granger <hgranger@charmsandmore.com>

Subject: Re: Re: Dodged a stunner, I think...

Date: May 2nd, 2000 1:17 PM

H,

What do I have in mind for celebrating, you ask? I'm a writer, amateur chef, Potions master, Dark Arts expert, and "literary agent," not a social director or a professional party planner. I'll leave the details to you, but I have one request: wear the May Queen dress... only the dress. Do you know what I mean? ~nudge, nudge, say no more, say no more~

S

From: Hermione Granger <hgranger@charmsandmore.com>

To: Renata Fenice <rfenice@yahoo.co.uk>, Stephen Smythe <headhoncho@symtheliteraryagents.com>

Subject: You are incorrigible...

Date: May 2nd, 2000 1:24 PM

S,

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Love,

H

A/N: That's all she wrote.

I just had to give Severus a significant nom de plume because that's how I roll.  Renata means rebirth, and Fenice is Italian for phoenix.  For my final pop culture reference, I give a nod to those wacky gentlemen of Monty Python.

Thanks again to my wonderful alpha/beta team: astopperindeath, BrenaMarie, kittylefish, nagandsev, Proulxes, pyjamapants. I couldn't have done this without you all.

Gentle readers, I hope you had as much fun reading this as I had writing it. Thank you for showing the love in all the wonderful reviews. Rock on!