Pain and Potions

Disclaimer: I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. JK Rowling owns it all, but I promise to return her characters in "like new" condition when I am done with them.

Thanks go out to my beta, JuneW. She is absolutely priceless!

It had been nearly a week since she had left the castle. At this point, she had no desire to return, although she knew she would be forced to eventually. Her impromptu sabbatical thus far was not doing anyone any good. Not even herself.

She didn't even know how she was going to go back to her office. He would be there, taunting her... haunting her.

Why couldn't she let it go? The portrait was a constant reminder. But she had been able to cope. Hadn't she?

Barely.

It was purely because she had been entrusted with jobs that needed doing; people had been depending on her, and she'd dared not let them down. Not only had there been people depending on her, but in some scope it had been the entire Wizarding world.

Somewhere in the middle of all of that, those same people had failed to see that Minerva McGonagall had reached her breaking point and could no longer hold the pieces of her life together. The things that she could once balance were now shattered bits around her feet.

Her undoing had been the hiring of Severus Snape.

Minerva had only rehired Severus at the goading of Albus' portrait. The man was dead, but that didn't stop him from meddling in affairs that had nothing to do with him. Well, they involved Albus Dumbledore, the man, but they had nothing to do with a blasted portrait that contained merely a small fragment of the original's personality.

Portraits were not people. They were simply an imprint of the person they represented. A drop of Albus' blood mixed with the paint, then activated and sealed with an incantation. The only reason that Albus' portrait had known so much was that Albus had been anticipating his own death. He'd been preparing for it. He had spent countless hours informing the portrait of his actions and plans for nearly two years.

The portrait had been her lover's one true confidant, the only one who'd known all of the man's plans. Albus had cleverly spelled the portrait not to spill the secrets until it hung in the Headmaster's (or Headmistress' as it were) office among all of the previous Headmasters and Headmistresses of Hogwarts.

Albus hadn't even trusted Minerva. Why hadn't he trusted her? That had hurt her almost as much as his death. The fact that the man whom she'd loved had been carefully planning for his death and preparing for it, had been a huge blow to her.

Now, looking back at all the things she'd been trying to juggle over the past few years, she could understand why she'd finally fallen apart. The meeting with Hermione had been the final straw.

After that disastrous discussion, Minerva had stormed out of her office and off to her quarters. When the portrait of Headmistress Glisp had come looking for her and had then admitted that she'd come at the request of portrait-Dumbledore, Minerva had had enough. She'd Summoned an overnight bag and, with a few slashes of her wand, filled it with items and clothing to last her for a couple of days... and then she'd left.

Now, she was wishing that she didn't have to go back. She wasn't ready yet to face Albus... or Snape for that matter.

Rationally, she could think through things and knew that she shouldn't blame Snape for Albus' death. However, the mind of a woman who had lost the love of her life was often clouded by emotions... and she was a Gryffindor, after all. In true Gryffindor fashion, she tended to wear her heart on her sleeve. She never had been a very good Occlumens.

The morning after she'd arrived at her Unplottable house just outside of Kirkwall, she'd sent off a letter to the Deputy Headmaster and explained that some urgent business had come up that required her attention.

Professor Flitwick, being the intelligent and clever Ravenclaw that he was known to be, had written back to Minerva, telling her to enjoy her holiday and to take all of the time she needed.

Minerva was half-tempted to send off a reply to him, wishing him luck and telling him to enjoy the position of Headmaster. It was by pure Scottish stubbornness that she refrained.

Finishing her dinner, she sent her dishes to the sink and stood from the table. She gripped her wand firmly in her hand and, with the concentration that could only belong to a master in the field of Transfiguration, her body shrunk down into the body of a tabby cat.

In this form, she didn't have to think, her feline brain wasn't as complex and therefore her emotions no longer overwhelmed her. Feeling that weight removed from her shoulders, she crept over to the rug in front of the fire, curled herself into ball, and fell asleep.

She would return to Hogwarts in the morning.

Hermione finished decanting the aquamarine potion into the flask. Once it was further cooled, she would pour it into the vials that she had sitting in the rack on the table. It had been just over a week since her last trip to the castle and since she'd last seen Severus Snape. And in those last several days, she found that she was missing him dearly.

She'd spent the night at the castle, of course... once Hermione had begun kissing Severus in his office, she had known that she'd be sleeping in the professor's bed that night. Well, sleep was such a relative term.

Her cheeks still flushed at the memory, and a sappy little smile appeared upon her face. She forced herself to ignore the small traces of discomfort that consistently accompanied the pleasant memories.

It was after allowing herself a few minutes of recollection that she shook her head and began to focus again on cleaning up the rest of the workspace.

Severus was set to be there at any moment and she needed to have the second potion ready for him. She quickly finished cleaning the first workspace, and then moved over to where a cauldron sat on the table with a Stasis Charm surrounding it. Waving her wand over the cauldron, she ended the spell and deftly Levitated the cauldron to hover over the now burning flames.

Hermione eyed the clock. It would take a bit of time for the potion to reach the necessary temperature. Once that happened, if Severus still wasn't here, then she would need to reapply the Stasis Charm. The potion would then keep at the necessary temperature for at least two hours before she needed to reheat the contents again. Although she really didn't wish to do that, as reheating too many times could drastically decrease the potency of the potion. She'd just wait for Severus to arrive before attempting to heat the potion, but it took nearly thirty minutes to heat the contents at the slow, even pace required for this concoction; she didn't wish to spend too much time on it.

She kept reminding herself that Severus Snape was rarely late.

Pulling a vial out of her pocket, she looked carefully at the hairs she had gathered several days ago. The hairs had come from Ron's bedroom upstairs. Not that he'd been staying here at Grimmauld Place since the incident at the Burrow several weeks ago, but it was still his room. Unlike when she had been a second-year brewing Polyjuice for the first time, Hermione was certain that these hairs were, in fact, human hairs. For one, the only cat at Grimmauld Place was Crookshanks, and one of the first things that Hermione had done when she had moved into the house was cast wards on all of the bedroom doors, excluding her own, that her familiar could not pass through. Crookshanks hadn't been in Ron's room. However, that didn't stop Hermione from inspecting the red hairs carefully until she was certain that they matched the hairs on Ronald's head in color, length, and thickness.

Using tweezers, she carefully removed three strands of hair and added them to the potion just as it started to bubble. It began emitting a red-hazed steam, and Hermione stirred it twelve times clockwise.

"Hermione!"

Hermione looked up from the cauldron she had just finished stirring, stepped away from the cauldron that she had been focusing on, and watched the bubbly redhead as she entered the potions lab. "Hi, Ginny."

Her friend came over and peered into the cauldron. "What are you brewing?"

"Oh, erm... it's just something that I made up for Severus," she answered. It was a semi-truthful answer, after all. "What are you doing here? I thought that you and Harry had plans tonight," she asked in an attempt to get the girl's mind off of the potion.

"Oh, we do. I just wanted to come in and make sure that you were actually going to come to Harry's birthday party at the Burrow tomorrow. You know that Harry would be devastated if you let this ordeal between you and Ron get in the way of his birthday."

"Don't forget the problems with your mother," Hermione said with a snort.

"Well, I've been clashing horns with my mum since my first words."

The cheeky grin plastered on her friend's face caused Hermione to giggle.

"Yes, she can be a bit..."

"Overbearing?"

"Yeah, that's the word."

Ginny smiled and put her arm around her friend, briefly. Then she sobered and said sincerely, "Hermione, I'm sorry that things didn't work out between you and my brother."

"I'm not sorry. I mean, I am... but I knew long ago that things wouldn't work out between us. Ron is better as a friend."

"Yeah, I have a feeling that if he'd had his wish and married you, then you wouldn't have wasted any time before sticking a ring through his nose and leading him around by it until the end of his days." Ginny looked thoughtful for a moment. "Not that there's anything wrong with that."

"No, but I would've been bored."

Ginny nodded. Silence fell between the two young women, each lost in thought. Finally, the redhead looked thoughtfully at Hermione. "Snape is a good match for you."

"He definitely keeps me on my toes."

"I'm serious, Hermione. I never liked the man much when he was our teacher. But he is smart and I think that you need someone that can challenge you on that level. Not that Ron isn't smart. It's just... you know."

Hermione grinned. "Yes, I know."

Ginny peered over the cauldron again and sniffed at the contents. "This smells vaguely familiar," she commented.

Hermione remained silent on the subject. She truly didn't want her friend to know what she was concocting, for then the inevitable question would be "why." She didn't need to worry, because it seemed that Ginny was merely trying to distract her before she pounced with her next question.

"How do you feel about him?"

"About Ron? I told you, he's my friend. Nothing more."

"No, Hermione. How do you feel about Snape?"

She looked up at her redheaded friend and thought about her answer carefully. "I don't know exactly," she finally said.

Ginny shook her head. "That's not an answer."

Hermione mulled the thoughts through her mind. Before the silence grew to be too thick, a voice from down the hall called, "Hermione, Snape is here!"

"Send him down!" Hermione called back.

"Ginny, hurry up, we're going to be late!" Harry hollered next.

"Oh, I'd better go. Have fun tonight, Hermione," Ginny said as she gave the cauldron one final curious look and walked towards the door. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

Hermione laughed. "Is there anything you wouldn't do?"

"No, not really," Ginny said with a winning smile. Then she looked at her seriously. "I just don't want you to get hurt, Hermione."

"I know. Thanks."

Not more than two minutes later, Severus Snape was in there, giving the room a discriminating look.

"Hello," she greeted with a quickly growing smile.

The man, dressed in his customary black robes – though of a much nicer cut and quality than his standard teaching attire – moved to her side and bestowed a kiss on her waiting lips. Memories of their night together flooded her mind. She suddenly felt almost as if his hands and mouth were presently exploring the most intimate parts of her body just as he'd done the last time they'd been together. The sensations were so intense that Hermione couldn't help but wonder if he was using a form of Legilimency to share the images with her, or if it was her own mind becoming overwhelmed from being alone with him for the first time in nearly a week.

"A little bit of both," he muttered against her mouth.

Hermione pulled back from him, surprise abruptly halting the onslaught of sensation that had begun to consume her. "You're reading my mind?"

"You're as rudimentary in your explanation as Potter always was. Legilimency is not mind-reading."

"No, it's not, but you answered my question," she accused.

Severus smirked. "I merely anticipated your question based on your emotions, Hermione. There is a difference."

She playfully shoved his shoulder and moved away from him to go attend to her potion. "You're incorrigible."

"Yes, I believe that is one of the reasons why you fancy me, foolish woman."

Hermione wisely stayed quiet. At least he hadn't gone so far as to say that she loved him. She may be young, but she was smart enough not to confuse sex with love. She knew there was a difference between the tingly and besotted feeling that one often feels when they are initially infatuated with someone or at the start of a new relationship, versus that of real love that is deep and meaningful.

No, she simply quirked an eyebrow at him like he was so famous for doing, as if daring him to try to accuse her of such a thing.

He then turned his attention to her potion and gave it an appraising sniff. "The potion appears to be satisfactory, Miss Granger."

Was that an actual compliment from the snarly Potions professor? But she wisely chose not to comment on that aspect. "Thank you, Professor. Do you have the hairs for me?"

He pulled a small glass vial from his robes and handed it to her. Hermione wielded her wand and cast the necessary incantation over the brew, and then added the hairs. "Did you tell him what you needed them for? Or did you even tell him you were taking them?"

Severus snorted. "Of course, I told him. He says he looks forward to helping to bring Mr. Weasley down any way he possibly could."

"So, he'll be there tomorrow?"

"Yes."

Hermione smiled and turned her attention back to the potion, which had now turned a shocking shade of pink. Grabbing the stirring rod, she gave the potion several quick stirs until the color muted to a paler hue. She looked up to Severus for confirmation. He scrutinized the potion again and after giving it a small sniff, he nodded.

He walked over to a shelf on the far side of the room, grabbed a large vial to decant the mixture into, and brought it back to the worktable. "This isn't as strong as the Amortentia, of course, and as such the potion doesn't last as long. The benefit is that anyone can brew it for a group of people. If, for example, you had wanted to brew it for the entire class of Gryffindors from your year, all you would've had to do is add hair samples from each of your classmates at the final reheating stage and stated the incantation to seal them. Then all of them would have feelings for Mr. Weasley's would-be paramour," Severus lectured.

"And he'll know who he's infatuated with? Immediately?"

Severus nodded.

She waited for him to say something else, but Severus remained silent. Therefore, Hermione went about cleaning up. As she scrubbed out the cauldron, Severus sealed the vial and then he moved to stopper the now cooled vials of the aquamarine potion.

"Have you heard from Minerva?"

"Yes, she arrived back to the castle this morning as if nothing had happened. Just back from a short holiday, she'd said."

"Molly invited her to Harry's party."

"Then she'll likely be there."

Hermione found herself feeling exceedingly discomforted by this fact, but she knew that there was no point in voicing her concerns. Severus was already aware of her feelings and the situation.

"Finished?"

"Yes, I believe ... oh." Hermione gasped as she found herself back in comforting, strong arms.

"It's time to leave," he whispered into her ear, the tickling sensation running directly from her ear down to the flutter in her stomach.

Hermione shook her head slightly, her mind too clouded to quite find the words to speak.

Severus chuckled softly, kissed her neck, and then lightly licked her ear lobe. "Workbenches are not all that comfortable. Then there is always the hazard of knocking equipment over or getting slivers in your arse. And I'll be damned if I am going to have you in a house that belongs to Potter and once belonged to Black."

She swallowed and took a breath as she tried to gather her hopelessly scattered wits. "I just need to grab my bag."

Just as they were leaving the room, Severus grabbed the finished potion vials and handed them to her to put in the pockets of her robes so they wouldn't be forgotten tomorrow. And with that, they left to retrieve her things.

Several hours later, Hermione woke up curled up against Severus' chest. Then she allowed her mind to wander enough to fully appreciate her present situation. As with any woman who was caught up in a new romance, she found herself constantly thinking about how things were going, where they were going, and if she was even doing this properly. It wasn't as if she'd had loads of experience.

Although she knew enough to know that things were moving along rather quickly between herself and Severus. She liked the man, cared for him, but other than the few times she'd spoken with him, she didn't feel that she truly knew him. As a result, she felt that the waters were quickly rising above her head.

Sex was nice, but she found herself wondering why she'd been so eager to jump into bed with him the moment that the opportunity had presented itself. (Okay, sex was better than "nice," but that was beside the point.) The issue of sex was starting to confuse her. Her only excuse was that it was so easy to become swept up in the passion. And surprisingly enough, when it came to matters in the bedroom, Severus Snape was passionate.

The problem was that last week when she'd gone to speak with him after her encounter with McGonagall, once he'd begun kissing her, there had been no further discussion. At all.

The next morning, when she'd been preparing to leave, it had been very awkward between them. He'd said little more than that he would be by Grimmauld Place before Harry's party to help her complete the potion. It wasn't until later in the week when he'd finally sent her an owl that he'd finalized his plans with her.

He came to see her, they finished bottling the final potion, they'd left and gone directly to his home. A ramshackled, rundown house in a town that she'd not even caught the name of. He'd led her into the house through the back door and into the kitchen. Next he rushed her through a sitting room and then up a concealed stairway before she could even get a proper look at her surroundings.

Even now, she couldn't get a proper view of things. The sun had long since set, and the only light was the sliver of the moon that shone through a crack in the draperies. She shifted slightly in the bed and looked up at the man she was currently nestled against. Hermione could barely make out the lines of his face in the shadows.

She shifted again.

This time, when she moved, she felt him shift. Another moment later, he murmured a soft, "Not sleeping?"

"I did. Well, for a bit."

"Hmm."

They were both silent for several minutes and Hermione was worried that the stilted discomfort was slowly beginning to seep in between them. Before she began to fret too much, however, Severus began slowly running his hand over her hair, which had been relieved of the elastic it had been pulled into earlier that day.

After several more minutes, she heard an exasperated sigh from the man who was now acting as her pillow. "Say whatever it is you are thinking, Hermione."

"There are too many jumbled thoughts to put into words."

"Try."

It was a simple word, but she could hear the growing irritation behind it. Hermione contemplated her words carefully before she spoke. Her hand was still resting firmly on his heart, but she was unwilling to lift her head to look at his shadowed face.

"Where do you see this going?" she finally asked.

His body grew rigid. "It's a bit early in our dealings with one another to be contemplating our relationship, don't you think?"

At this, she did lift her head up from his chest and looked at him. "Well, yes... I mean... no." She sighed. "I don't know."

"That much is obvious," he snarled.

Hermione pushed herself up even further in hopes of being able to get a better look at his face in the dark room. "Don't be that way," she snapped back. "I'm trying to explain this to you."

"Oh, yes, and you're doing a marvelous job. Well done, Hermione."

"You are a git. Did you know that?"

"My dear, I have been cultivating that image since before you were weaned from your mother's teat. I am quite aware of how others perceive me." She was certain that if she could see his eyes clearly in the darkness that he would be glaring daggers at her right now.

Hermione closed her eyes and gritted her teeth. How was she ever supposed to get a word in edgewise if he constantly turned everything into an argument? Was it some sort of defense...

Her eyes snapped opened and tried again to readjust to the darkness. A defense mechanism. He was just trying to protect himself... from her.

"Severus..."

"I think it's time that you left."

She felt as if she'd been slapped, and she moved herself further away from him so that they were no longer touching. "I haven't had many relationships, Severus."

He snorted.

"I'm not very good at this sort of thing. I just wanted to know..."

"Get out. I don't care what you want to know," he said, cutting her off.

It was his last words that caused the sickening turn of her stomach to spark quickly into anger.

"Well, I guess that answers my question anyway," she spat out with as much venom as she could as she pushed herself off the bed. It took her longer than she would've liked to gather her scattered clothing and to find her wand... especially in the dark. The entire time, she noted, his face was turned towards the wall. Before she left the room, she waited, for any sign that he wanted her to stay.

When he continued to ignore her, she grabbed her bag and left. She made her way out of the house nearly as quickly as she had arrived.

A/N: I know, that was a terribly lengthy delay. I truly am sorry. Among other things, I was struck with a horrible bout of writer's block. However, I do think that my muse has finally returned. *crosses fingers*

The next chapter is started, though. Thank you all so much for reading! :)